It felt really good to draw some robots today. I mean, I do enjoy drawing my HijiNKS ENSUE characters, but none of them really have tank treads for legs. Wait… yeah, none of them do. Not yet. I think it’s comforting to know that 10,000 years after The Machine War, when humanity isn’t even a […]]]>
It felt really good to draw some robots today. I mean, I do enjoy drawing my HijiNKS ENSUE characters, but none of them really have tank treads for legs. Wait… yeah, none of them do. Not yet. I think it’s comforting to know that 10,000 years after The Machine War, when humanity isn’t even a memory, people (artificial or otherwise) will still be arguing about dumb shit.
Special thanks to Sharksploder @donaltdelay for inspiring the “abacus” line over twitter.
Wednesday June 3 was my birthday and, as tradition demands, my “birthday” encompasses the week before and two weeks after the actual date of my birth. Who am I to buck tradition? A guy with a 3 week and one day long birthday, that’s who! If you would like to make me VERY happy, and you aren’t interested in things like becoming a Patron, donations or Amazon wishlists, how about you SHARE THE FUCK out of this comic (or any of the other comics)? Pretty please? Let’s get some more Sharksploders in these comic infested waters.
SHARKSPLODERS: Which other designers of products, systems and websites belong in SUPER HELL? How about the guy that invented the phone tree at your internet service provider?
]]>
I might have already written about this story here, but a little over a decade ago I saw a dude refuse to leave a customer service line at Walmart the day after Christmas until they agreed to refund him for a dozen or so bottles of perfume that were NOT purchased at Walmart. It was […]]]>
I might have already written about this story here, but a little over a decade ago I saw a dude refuse to leave a customer service line at Walmart the day after Christmas until they agreed to refund him for a dozen or so bottles of perfume that were NOT purchased at Walmart. It was just his refusal to cooperate, listen to reason or back down in any way that eventually broke them. He went through two or three cashiers, a manager and eventually the store manager. The store manager asked him what the perfume was worth, typed a special code into the register that denoted “giving some fucking asshole $100 so he will go away” to the higher ups and was able to satisfy the “customer.”
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE.
I learned a few important lessons that day. The first was that Walmart does have the power to return ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. It was shortly after this that they instituted the “show us your driver’s license if you don’t have a receipt” policy, but that just means that you can only pull shenanigans a few times a year before they get suspicious. I also learned the power of stubbornness. I didn’t think it was a virtue, but it was definitely power. I mean, the guy was clearly a lying fuckhole trying to defraud the store. That much was abundantly clear. He knew what he was doing, THEY knew what he was doing and he KNEW that they knew what he was doing. Still, he stood there INSISTING that the world conform to his will. He demanded that reality reshape itself to match his desire just by standing there and repeating the same lie over and over and over. Again, I did not think this was a good thing to do, and I did not plan to incorporate this tactic into my own dealings in the future, but it was certainly educational to see how it played out and to extrapolate how this might and DOES play out all over the world every single day.
The other thing I learned is that I probably shouldn’t be too nervous about trying to return the Playstation that I ruined while attempting to solder on a mod-chip that would let me play burned games. Compared to the other guy, I might as well have been there to deliver back rubs and blowjobs for all the employees. Subsequently, I did NOT try to modify the brand new Playstation that they gave me. I learned my lesson.
]]>
COMMENTERS: You already know Eli’s. What is YOUR “mating call.” Alternately, what is the “song of your people.” When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! […]]]>
COMMENTERS: You already know Eli’s. What is YOUR “mating call.” Alternately, what is the “song of your people.”
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE.
Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?
My friend Kris, got me a present. Two presents actually. The first was a USB microscope. He had seen how much I enjoyed playing with his: (putting it on my keyboard to see all the weird gunk and hairs and garbage that sits undetected between the keys and the cavities beneath them, seeing how nothing in this […]]]>
My friend Kris, got me a present. Two presents actually. The first was a USB microscope. He had seen how much I enjoyed playing with his: (putting it on my keyboard to see all the weird gunk and hairs and garbage that sits undetected between the keys and the cavities beneath them, seeing how nothing in this world is actually smooth, checking out the seemingly impossible intricate weave patterns in ordinary clothing), so he got me one of my own. The second gift he gave me was knowledge or, rather, the burden of knowing. Knowing too much about what I am; what WE are. What horrible things; what pulsating, undulating barrels of wretched, oily hideousness our bodies are. I’ve seen too much. Like the man who stood on the edge of the void and saw only the blackness within him staring back, I know too much.
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE.
The first thing you do when someone hands you a super powerful, digital microscope hooked up to a laptop is put it on your arm. You think, “Wow! My skin is so textured and my hairs are HUGE and… what… what’s that?” You see a weeping pool of bright red blood, surrounded by a layer cake of craggy, almost transparent chips of skin. You quickly remove the microscope to see how much longer you have to live, only to discover that this wellspring of erupting platelets and plasma is just a tiny red dot. Not even an injury. Just a dot. You put the microscope back and once again are greeted with the intricate carnage of what it is to be man. All day, every day we are just a collection of gaping sores, spilling out our vital fluids all over the place.
From our vantage point, four to six feet in the air, so far removed from all things tiny and precise, we don’t often see just how FUCKING RIDICULOUSLY GROSS we all are. But that was just a little blood and torn skin. What about my face? What’s going on in the pits and crevices of the visage that I present to the world? On the thing that is, more than anything else, me? Turns out it’s a GODDAMN HORROR SHOW. The reason I didn’t draw what Joel is seeing on the screen in the panels above is that I want you to be able to sleep tonight, or any night in the future between here and eternity. The best lesson I learned from “The Knowledge” is that nothing we do matter. We are too big and dumb and slow to actually effect anything on this planet and we are too tiny and frail and insignificant to effect anything off of it. I came upon this ultimate clarity when I saw my face under the microscope, saw the macabre nightmare that was me, washed it as best as I could then came back and saw how futile my efforts were. I might as well have used a garden hose to put out a wildfire. I’m gross, you’re gross, we’re all gross and then we die and the Universe doesn’t even notice.
Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?
Better we teach our children to fear the machines, before the machines teach them for us. Do you think Sarah Connor told little John bedtime stories about princesses and teddy bears? Only if those princesses were being eviscerated by Hunter Killers and those teddy bears we sitting on top of a pile of bleached skulls! […]]]>
Better we teach our children to fear the machines, before the machines teach them for us. Do you think Sarah Connor told little John bedtime stories about princesses and teddy bears? Only if those princesses were being eviscerated by Hunter Killers and those teddy bears we sitting on top of a pile of bleached skulls! Parenting is about preparing the next generation for things to come, and one thing that is definitely on the horizon is a legion of metal murder monsters with a “We’ve been enslaved by humanity up to HERE, and we’re not taking it any more!” attitude and a rather large chip on their collective shoulder servos. Humans instinctively fear what they do not understand, and I do not understand how to get all these screws back in this Roomba.
There was an old wive’s tale about how cats would suck the breath out of babies. This is ridiculous for so many reasons. Cat’s do not have lips. They can’t suck for shit. Cat’s do not care about babies. Cats care about themselves and why you aren’t scratching their heads. Cats know that babies, while small now, will eventually have people-sized laps for sitting in and human-sized hands for the scratching of cat heads. I may not like my cats very much, but I trust them around my child. Now if there’s a thing in my house that actually COULD suck the life out of a smallish human, it’s the god damn mechanical blood harvester designed SPECIFICALLY for sucking! Why did I let this thing in my house?! Where my child sleeps?! Where I keep my iPad?! OH GOD THAT’S A ROBOT TOO!!! Nowhere is safe. Everything is robots. All is forsaken. All. Is. Forsaken…
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE.
Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE. Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife […]]]>
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE.
Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE. Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife […]]]>
When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE.
Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?
This really happened to me. No, I am not Ok. I doubt I will ever be OK. I got my wife a Roomba for her birthday. I had no idea those things were so expensive, but I found an amazing deal on a used one, and was able to bring our home one step closer […]]]>
This really happened to me. No, I am not Ok. I doubt I will ever be OK. I got my wife a Roomba for her birthday. I had no idea those things were so expensive, but I found an amazing deal on a used one, and was able to bring our home one step closer to the Robotopia that I have always dreamed of. She spent the first few days playing with the Roomba, affectionately referred to as “Robit” [row-bit, long O], letting it zoom around and get acquainted with its new home.
She put its charging dock in the pantry and set an auto-schedule for it to clean up the cat litter off the floor (what the cats kick out of the box every time they enter or exit it) every day at 5am. This was really the whole impetus for the robot in the first place. She’s god damn sick of cleaning up cat litter every day, and I’m god damn sick of walking on cat litter when I go into the pantry to get food, thus making me think of food and cat litter simultaneously, WHICH inevitably makes me stop thinking about food all together (diet idea: surround all your food with cat shit). I am rarely asleep at 5am because I have crazy-artist crazy-work-from-home hours, so for the first couple of days I would hear Robit wake up, do it’s little litter dance for about 10 minutes, beep to tell me it was done and shimmy back into his docking station. If he could eat treat biscuits, you’d better believe I’d have given him one. It was a technological marvel. The next day, the pantry would be free of cat litter’s foul crunch under foot and no humans were harmed in the process.
On the third or fourth night, I heard Robit do his business and dock himself, then the house was just ENGULFED in stink. One of the cats, Replay, doesn’t like to cover up his poops. I assumed he’d just dropped a particularly gnarly one without covering it, and went to investigate. I opened the pantry door and It was like that scene in Se7en when they find the “living corpse.” 100,000 pine-scented air fresheners wouldn’t have abated the horrors I was facing. As the panels above illustrate, one of the cats, finding his box too full, had decided to use the floor as a bathroom. Robit, being a cold, unfeeling, emotionless machine who only follows his predetermined directives with no regard for human well being or the consequences of his actions, plowed right through it. Those of you who don’t live with cats probably don’t know that where as an unbroken cat turd smells bad, a BROKEN/SMUSHED cat turd is an ENTIRELY different animal. There’s some sort of natural protective sausage casing that the cat produces which somehow shields the secret stench within the poop. I can only assume this is an evolutionary necessity in order to facilitate the symbiosis of the domestic feline and the humans that house and feed it.
My Fancy Patrons got to read this comic before anyone else!
It was a horror show. Not only was the stench truly overpowering and blinding, but Robit had managed to run over the poop FIRST and THEN do his 10 minute “cleaning routine,” spreading… no, PAINTING the entire floor in concentric doodles of despair. Not only was the floor forever unclean, but Robit had managed to “gum up the works,” so to speak, with as much or more than he Jackon Pollack’d the pantry with. It was in his wheels, in his gears, in the brushes and the filter. Like I said. A horror show. The odd thing is, this happens with human babies all the time. They poop seemingly more than the interior volume of their small bodies and it manages to get from toes to forehead before you realize what has happened.
The deal with babies is, you LOVE them. You would do ANYTHING for them. You HAVE to keep them alive and you HAVE to stop whatever important, grown up business you are working on and de-poop the baby. The trade off is the human baby’s CPU is deep, deep inside a rather remarkable water proof casing, and its exterior shell is incredibly supple, yet resilient and stain resistant. You can actually put an entire human baby in the bath tub (NOT dishwasher safe) and hose them down. Robit, on the other hand, had to be almost entirely disassembled, expunged of poops and reassembled. It was not a task for the faint of heart, which is why I let my wife do it. “Here, Honey. I bought you a robot to make your life easier. Just one thing… you need to take out a million tiny screws, swab out about a gallon of cat shits, disinfect it AND yourself, them piece the Satanic, mechanized jigsaw back together before it can start with the life making easier stuff. HAPPY BIRTHDAY I’M GREAT!”
Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?
Wil and I made you a Sparks McGee T-Shirt! Confused? Of course you are! Read up on Sparks McGee and his awesome adventures. Guys, please go see Pacific Rim. Let’s cancel this film’s financial apocalypse before it happens. Let’s be the giant robot heroes that stand up for the a movie that is basically a love letter to […]]]>
Wil and I made you a Sparks McGee T-Shirt!
Confused? Of course you are! Read up on Sparks McGee and his awesome adventures.
Guys, please go see Pacific Rim. Let’s cancel this film’s financial apocalypse before it happens. Let’s be the giant robot heroes that stand up for the a movie that is basically a love letter to monters movies, robot movies, sci-fi, and nearly everything I hold dear all at the same time. Seriously, if my kid was in this movie I would probably cry just thinking about it.
Remember a few years ago when all the economists said the economy was going to go in the shitter, so people got terrified and stopped buying stuff and the economy went in the shitter? The jackbags calling an early death for Pacific Rim are participating in the same self fulling negativity. The more people that read “this movie is probably going to loose a hundred million dollars,” the more people are going to say “Meh, that won’t be good enough for the theater. I’ll see it on the bluetubes.” Stand up for scifi and robots and monsters and Idris Elba! GO SEE PACIFIC RIM THIS WEEKNED!
[Sweet miserable crapbastards, please don’t let this be another Prometheus…]
COMMENTERS: Have you ever assumed something (a movie, a tv show, a book, a game, a whatever) was no good because you read a bunch of negative press about it (not bad reviews, just general negativity), only to find out later that it was great? On the other hand, what thing that was SUPER HYPED WITH OVERWHELMING POSITIVITY were you the most disappointed in?
]]>Comments (41)
CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 88/100 prints are sold and it would be great to sell that last few remaining prints before the end of the year. I am also going to leave up the additional prints and print packs for sale until probably February in case you want to get in on that action. That trailer… I mean, holy […]]]>
CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 88/100 prints are sold and it would be great to sell that last few remaining prints before the end of the year. I am also going to leave up the additional prints and print packs for sale until probably February in case you want to get in on that action.
That trailer… I mean, holy crap. Give a guy a chance to catch his breath. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect Pacific Rim to win any awards for compelling dialog or character development, but HOLY CRAP THAT TRAILER WHAT?!
COMMENTERS: Pacific Rim: Best movie or Bestest Movie? How could they fuck this up? I mean, seriously, anything is possible… so how are they going to fuck this up? Not enough giant robots? Too many fantastical extradimensional sea demons? Giant robot/sea demon love story subplot? It would still be better than Prometheus.
If you want to support HijiNKS ENSUE’s ability to have a merry Santaween and you don’t feel like donating or buying any merch… HELL, why not just check out my Amazon Wishlist? Who’s going to stop you? Not me.
]]>
Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode. CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is almost right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many mores! [I am contemplating whether I want to write a post about Transformers: […]]]>
Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode.
CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is almost right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many mores!
[I am contemplating whether I want to write a post about Transformers: Dance With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight, or just tie Josh’s dick to a railroad track for making me sit through it. If you refresh this page later and see a post, you will know my decision.]
- A REVIEW OF THE DARK OF THE MOON by my friend David Willis
- Recycled Bayhem: Transformers 3 reused a chase scene from The Island
- 10 demented moments from the original Transformers cartoon
- Is Transformers: Headmasters more ridiculous than the Michael Bay movies?
STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.
]]>
My Heart Is A Hate-filled Pineapple T-Shirts are Alive and Pulsating @ Sharksplode!!! NEW HE PODCAST – Episode 83 “Ass Merkins” The soaps were scented in various Autobot flavors. Diesel for Optimus Prime, New Van Smell for Ironhide, Lilac for Bumblebee, and High Karate for Jazz. The events in this comic are 100% true in […]]]>
My Heart Is A Hate-filled Pineapple T-Shirts are Alive and Pulsating @ Sharksplode!!!
NEW HE PODCAST – Episode 83 “Ass Merkins”
The soaps were scented in various Autobot flavors. Diesel for Optimus Prime, New Van Smell for Ironhide, Lilac for Bumblebee, and High Karate for Jazz.
The events in this comic are 100% true in that they are two half truths combined into one super-truth. The first half come courtesy of the fact that I did find a Transformers themed door hanger from a local church on my front door this week. Pretty sneaky, Jesus.
And the rest of the truth concerns that fact that, while he was not present at the time of the door hanger discovery, this is EXACTLY WHAT IT IS LIKE TO TALK TO DAVID WILLIS ABOUT TRANSFORMERS. Let me be clear: I am not disparaging Willis’s mighty knowledge of all things Cybertron. I marvel at it in fact. I ask him leading questions just to hear him weave his gentle word-music about what Dinobot prefers for breakfast in the US comics vs. the Japanese comics [SPOILERS: It’s Energon in both]. At least a dozen times he has answered questions about the franchise that have plagued me since elementary school. Those of you not privy to his physical being can partake of his robo-knowings at the TF-Wiki, of which he is a major contributor. David has appeared in HE a few other times. Go Read BOTH of HIS COMICS. Love him as he loves fictional robots with silly names.
COMMENTERS: What other 1980’s cartoons or Michael Bay-type movies would make good religious advertisements? Please try to keep it light-hearted and respectful, since I’m sure I’ve already offended plenty for all of us. I think I saw a Thundercats TV spot about not huffing glue one time.
]]>
“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here! Guys, it is seriously not that bad. We are all up to our eyeballs in freaking skulls here! We’re motherfucking skull-rich! I am going to stand on top of this burned out husk of an […]]]>
“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!
Guys, it is seriously not that bad. We are all up to our eyeballs in freaking skulls here! We’re motherfucking skull-rich! I am going to stand on top of this burned out husk of an SUV and make it rain skulls all over your face. Then we can all go under that bombed overpass and get dry, calloused tugjobs from other dehydrated, starving, desperate shells of former humanity! Then we can… wait, what? All those people were shot and/or set on fire by Hunter Killers like seven minutes ago? No sweat, post apocalyp-bros! We’ll just move this party to the abandoned mine shaft where we dump the hundred and hundreds of dead bodies we come upon every day! PARTYPARTYPARTY!
I have to admit though, we can’t carry on like this forever. The plentitude of bleached skulls is going to lead to inflation and eventually total economic collapse. You’ll know it’s getting bad when the same rub out/possum hot dog combo deal you used to pay two skulls for now goes for thirty. And I’m not talking child skulls either. I mean thirty full sized man skulls! It’s like the machines think they have a license to print skulls.
COMMENTERS: Let’s keep looking on the bright side of this whole Judgement Day thing. What else would be a positive outcome from the machine-ocalypse?
A NEW THING!!! I have launched Sharksplode.com. It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas.
HEY! Check out this interview I did for Hollywood Jane.
]]>
Team Edward [James Olmos] Shirts at Topatoco! NEW HE PODCAST [episode 78] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast are HERE for Vault Subscribers. Check out my good friend Tom Brislin’s video-song cover of Joe Jackson’s “Steppin’ Out.” HE Podcast listeners will know Tom as the man behind our theme song and interstitial music. AI vs. […]]]>
Team Edward [James Olmos] Shirts at Topatoco!
NEW HE PODCAST [episode 78] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast are HERE for Vault Subscribers.
Check out my good friend Tom Brislin’s video-song cover of Joe Jackson’s “Steppin’ Out.” HE Podcast listeners will know Tom as the man behind our theme song and interstitial music.
- AI vs. IQ: IBM‘s Watson takes on the meatbags on Jeopardy
- IBM’s Watson sizes up Ken Jennings before their Jeopardy match
UPDATE:
- Humans had a good run: Watson to debut on Jeopardy tonight
- Watson soundly beats the humans in first round of Jeopardy
- Ken Jennings Jokes About ‘Jeopardy!’ Loss and Ends the Show With Clever ‘Simpsons’ Quote
- The Human Victory [Artificial Intelligence]
COMMENTERS: Give me some more categories and questions that would give Watson’s filthy human opponents an unfair advantage. Or give me some that he would dominate at.
]]>
Alright, America, if this comic doesn’t set things straight once and for all then I’ve lost all hope in you. Do you want me to spell it out? You like Voltron. Obama is Voltron. Vote for Obama. PLEASE, don’t fuck it up this time.]]>
Alright, America, if this comic doesn’t set things straight once and for all then I’ve lost all hope in you. Do you want me to spell it out? You like Voltron. Obama is Voltron. Vote for Obama.
PLEASE, don’t fuck it up this time.
There you go. Josh IS an evil, hate filled robot from the future after all. Despite a slight climb in last week’s ratings, it is highly likely that “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” will get thrown into a vat of molten steel, only to give a final Fonzyesque thumbs up before liquefying into oblivion (by […]]]>
There you go. Josh IS an evil, hate filled robot from the future after all.
Despite a slight climb in last week’s ratings, it is highly likely that “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” will get thrown into a vat of molten steel, only to give a final Fonzyesque thumbs up before liquefying into oblivion (by which I mean it’s probably getting canceled).
I’ll spare you the comparisons to every other quality sci-fi show Fox has canceled prematurely. It’s cliche at this point. The thing I really appreciate about T:SCC is that it’s a simple premise and it delivers every time. Unlike Heroes and LOST, Terminator isn’t trying to be all things to all geeks. It’s not setting it self up for disappointment. The formula is simple (must stop robot apocalypse), and it’s delivered with above average writing and acting. If you haven’t watched it yet, I implore to you check it out on Hulu. Despite the overlying arch, the episodes are fairly self contained so you can pick it up pretty much anywhere.
Season 1 only made it to 10 episodes before the writers strike, so the current season still feels like the end of the first. Unlike Heroes, Terminator didn’t drop everything and start a new story after the strike. Also, unlike Heroes, Terminator doesn’t infuriate me at every opportunity.
Fox either needs to stop cancelling all of it’s high quality sci-fi shows before they have a chance to find an audience or just stop making them all together. If you don’t know how to market them, or don’t have the patience to let them properly gestate then stick to your strengths: reality shows about skanks, gameshows about skanks, reality game shows about skanks and skanks on parade in all their glorious skankdom.
]]>
Comic-Con ’08 Revelations Pt. 3 There’s also a tunnel of light that probably represents a vagina or something. Aronofsky certainly wouldn’t have been the first name that came to mind when someone mentioned “Robocop.” He’s a fine director to be sure, but arty as the day is long. Each of his films has a very […]]]>
Comic-Con ’08 Revelations Pt. 3
There’s also a tunnel of light that probably represents a vagina or something.
Aronofsky certainly wouldn’t have been the first name that came to mind when someone mentioned “Robocop.” He’s a fine director to be sure, but arty as the day is long. Each of his films has a very distinctive artistic visual style, which would certainly benefit any sci-fi franchise, but I don’t slot him as an action story teller. That’s probably a good thing. He might be able to take Robocop away from puns and explosions and move it into more of a “Dark Knight” direction of realism and… darkness… and knights.
I wonder how often that conversation is being had in Hollywood right now.
“The project is a mockumentary about florists staring Parker Posey and the dad from American Pie, but gritty… like the Dark Knight.”
“We’ll take two!”
I assumed not enough of you had seen “Pi,” so I left out the RabbiCop jokes.
]]>
I posted a remark in the previous comic about Johnny 5 walking out on WALL-E and his mom. Almost immediately I wanted to see this SciFi/Lifetime movie play out. So there you go.I imagine it was tough for Jonathan 5 after “Short Circuit 2.” There were rumors of a 3rd installment, “Short Circuit 3: Rise […]]]>
I posted a remark in the previous comic about Johnny 5 walking out on WALL-E and his mom. Almost immediately I wanted to see this SciFi/Lifetime movie play out. So there you go.I imagine it was tough for Jonathan 5 after “Short Circuit 2.” There were rumors of a 3rd installment, “Short Circuit 3: Rise of The Machines,” but eventually Steve Gutenberg stopped returning his calls. He crashed on Fisher Stevens’ couch for a while but things didn’t work out. One dead end job after another and… well, you see what his life is like now.
Even though Cheryl’s moved on with her life, she carries the scars of their tumultuous relationship with her. Literally. After giving birth to a 16″ steel cube with tank feet and a plasma cutter she’s pretty much ruined… in the lady business.
I would like to see a “VH1 Behind the…” series about 80’s kitsch movie icons.
- The Gremlins: Hunted Nearly to Extinction
- Sloth: The Carnival Years
- Teen Wolf: Cocaine, Coitus, Crabs and Cocaine
Spoiler Alert! WALL-E’s a Cylon. I saw the movie last night. Not my favorite Pixar product, but certainly worth the money. I thought it was odd for Pixar to include video of REAL humans (assuming Fred Willard isn’t a cartoon of some kind) along with the CG ones. That kind of broke the illusion for […]]]>
Spoiler Alert! WALL-E’s a Cylon.
I saw the movie last night. Not my favorite Pixar product, but certainly worth the money. I thought it was odd for Pixar to include video of REAL humans (assuming Fred Willard isn’t a cartoon of some kind) along with the CG ones. That kind of broke the illusion for me. You know, the illusion that I was actually witnessing a distopian future earth populated by exactly one miniature trash compactor with tank treads and binocular eyes.
I guess they decided to ditch the side story where Johnny 5 knocks up WALL-E‘s mom then spilts, leaving her to raise 200,000 identical robot kids alone.
Bonus WALL-E Links:
- Did you catch all the easter eggs?
- WALL-E Legos
- It’s actually Scifi for kids
His CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer. You honestly have no idea how many times I’ve seen that movie. Let’s just say the number of times was a lot. A lot of times. Google is definitely trying to buy part of the air or the waves or the bleep-bloops or something. Google’s […]]]>
His CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer. You honestly have no idea how many times I’ve seen that movie. Let’s just say the number of times was a lot. A lot of times. Google is definitely trying to buy part of the air or the waves or the bleep-bloops or something. Google’s open mobile handset os platform strategic initiative alliance (they should have called it GOMHOPSIA), dubbed Android, is poised to create a very attractive, very open alternative to Windows Mobile 6 (they should call it Windows Mobile Sux… are ya’ with me? Ha ha… right?) and the iPhone. One speculation is that they are bidding on the 700mhz squiggly lines because they intend to go forward WITHOUT a cell phone carrier to partner with. How rad would that be? Super rad. I hope they don’t even charge for cell service and instead Android listens to your calls and targets ads to you based on what you talked about that day. Like if you have a 2 hour break up call with your girlfriend, Android can txt msg you with alcohol and hooker ads. If you were about to say “Super Rad,” we are on the same page. If Google does end up building a real android, I hope it comes out more like Data than Lore. Lore was intensely clever but ultimately evil. Data played the violin and loved his cat. He wasn’t that great of a whistler but he never fed a colony to a space dwelling entity, did he? I’m sure Dr. Soong’s Christmas family newsletters were primarily full of Data related news.
The Soongs have had a blessed year. Data received another commendation from Starfleet this year. He was promoted to Commander, he mastered over 600 styles of classical painting, learned to dream, created a daughter, made sweet love to a lesbian security officer and bested evil holodeck characters on 4 separate occasions. Lore killed a planet. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
(If none of that last bit made sense, start reading here.)
Here’s the webcomic remix blank
Have fun with it and email your entries to comics(at)hijinksensue(dot)com before Monday.
I only got 1 entry for the Doug Morris comic remix. If anyone else wants to submit one, let me know and I will hold off on posting it. Here’s the blank again.
]]>
It is a well documented fact that I love the Internet. You may counter, “Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” Two reasons: A) I’m already married, and 2) judging from its proclivity towards pornography one can assume that the Internet is a dude. Not that I wouldn’t marry the […]]]>
It is a well documented fact that I love the Internet. You may counter, “Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” Two reasons: A) I’m already married, and 2) judging from its proclivity towards pornography one can assume that the Internet is a dude. Not that I wouldn’t marry the Internet if it were a dude. It’s just that it would be illegal in Texas, and I’m not in the mood for a road trip to Massachusetts. Sidenote: “Homophobia” beat out “Racism” and “Fear” as the official “State Feeling of Texas” this year. “Blinding Rage” was a close second.
The point of this comic was simply to point out a few things that make the Intertron a special place for me. I generally gets my LOL Feline fix from I Can Has Cheezeburger. If you aren’t hip to the Cheeze then you need to stop reading this drivel and hop to it. I’m not kidding, you guys. They have pictures of cats with things on them that the cats DO NOT WANT to be on them. It’s hilarious. Hats, furniture, other cats. You name it, they will put it on a cat and take a picture.
What can I say about Tay Zonday. Tay Zonday, some stay dry and others feel the pain. Tay Zonday, a baby born will die before the sin. Tay Zonday, made me cross the street the other day. Tay Zonday, Josh once accused him of inward singing.
Wikipedia is a treasure like none other. Sometimes I want to know things. Some guy already knew those things and wrote about them in Wikipedia. Those things often have to do with Hobbits and Transformers.
(Yes, that’s Utah Raptor from Dinosaur Comics that General Eli is riding. Good eye!)
Finally, Myspace. Myspace is a fucking piece of shit. It is, by far, the worst thing I have ever used for any reason, in any capacity or circumstance. The UI is non-existent and the features are the opposite of features. To call them “features” would be like calling weeping sores a “feature” of herpes. Check out my Myspace!
The “Vol. 1” in the title eludes to some possibility of a follow up. What Internets should I tackle next?
Bonus: You can download a hi-res version of the Wikipedia panel here.
]]>
jjp · 101 weeks ago
deadrobot · 101 weeks ago
What? I liked it!
1 reply · active 101 weeks ago
Myles · 101 weeks ago
I think part of why I liked it was expecting it to be a 3-4 out of 10 at best, so I was pleasantly surprised it was about a 7 for me. Also, having few to no expectations due to never having seen/heard any old lone ranger episodes.
@sonofskywalker3 · 101 weeks ago
2 replies · active 101 weeks ago
@PBManning · 101 weeks ago
Kernanator · 101 weeks ago
@PBManning · 101 weeks ago
2 replies · active 101 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 101 weeks ago
Daveren · 101 weeks ago
Fren · 101 weeks ago
I’m just glad they stopped making films based on board games. Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots: The Movie was horrid, Battleship was worse, and Hungry Hungry Hippos the TV program is bluh. Give us more kaiju!
2 replies · active 101 weeks ago
lou · 101 weeks ago
Fren · 101 weeks ago
Jason· 101 weeks ago
Star Wars: Episode I.
Remember how excited we all were when the trailers came out for that? It was going to be so great! *sobs*
1 reply · active 101 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 101 weeks ago
DuckAmuck · 101 weeks ago
I read/heard bad things about the first one, which turned out to be awesome.
Everyone super-hyped *all others* which sucked so much I refuse to admit they exist.
The “story” didn’t need them.
1 reply · active 101 weeks ago
Myles · 101 weeks ago
Your friends are from a mirror universe. Draw goatees on their faces then kill them to preserve the sanctity of our existence.
Bill Murphy · 101 weeks ago
2 replies · active 101 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 101 weeks ago
gabepuratekuta· 101 weeks ago
That’s all been rectified now that I know better
Dave · 101 weeks ago
GO SEE THIS MOVIE. I never watch movies twice but I’m going this weekend because it’s good enough that I should have paid for it…. so I will.
It is SO much fun you guys. It’s the perfect example of the difference between a big dumb fun movie that doesn’t ask you to think and a big asshole movie that assumes you are too stupid to think.
Beautiful fun escapism as opposed to whatever the hell Michael Bay thinks he’s doing.
Go See It.
2 replies · active 101 weeks ago
deadrobot · 101 weeks ago
Dave · 101 weeks ago
@bwaybaby · 101 weeks ago
Katie · 101 weeks ago
As for a super-hyped shitty movie… I don’t know. Maybe Sucker Punch? Was that movie super-hyped? I know I absolutely hated it.
2 replies · active 101 weeks ago
hijinksensue· 101 weeks ago
HandiGoat · 101 weeks ago
Jenn · 101 weeks ago
Kirby · 101 weeks ago
I always like movies when I go to see them. Sucker Punch, John Carter, the Matrix Sequels… the Star Wars Prequels… etc.
1 reply · active 101 weeks ago
lou · 101 weeks ago
Chaucer59 · 101 weeks ago
Avatar (Dances with Toruks or Ferngully in Space)
Aliens (Alien was a brilliant horror movie. Aliens was a 2hr 17 minute long demo for a single-shooter video game)
There Will Be Blood (should have been here called There Will Be Rigo Mortis)
Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet (Branagh must still be picking scenery out of his teeth)
Dances With Wolves (if I were Lakota Sioux, I would hunt down and kill Kevin Costner with my bear hands)
2 replies · active 101 weeks ago
MrSueDenim· 101 weeks ago
HandiGoat · 101 weeks ago
Candace · 101 weeks ago
I don’t usually let bad reviews put me off of seeing a movie I otherwise would want to see. I often find that I disagree with critics and the opinions of the majority.
MrSueDenim· 101 weeks ago
1 reply · active 100 weeks ago
anxiety.junkie · 100 weeks ago
HandiGoat · 101 weeks ago
furrbear· 101 weeks ago
And then much later I saw the film described in ways that made me think “wait – WHAT?” and I rented it… and discovered how dreadfully wrong I’d been. I don’t know if the advertising was misleading or if it was my own internal biases or a little of both, but it’s now one of my favorite films. (The sequel… not so much; the main reason to see that is for Bob Newhart.)
1 reply · active 101 weeks ago
Trebor · 101 weeks ago
MrSueDenim· 101 weeks ago
Now I want Guillermo del Toro to direct a Rufallo Hulk movie.
Mcecny · 100 weeks ago
Stranger · 100 weeks ago