Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them!

This comic is too real. TOO REAL! I am baring WAY TOO MUCH of my actual true soul pain with this one. I spent the better part of the first decade of the 21st century trying to build computers faster than my mom could destroy them. It’d be neck and neck for awhile, but she always pulled out ahead eventually. She went through at least a half dozen computers (I count 50% internal component replacement as a “New Computer”) in under 10 years. Things got simpler when we finally bought a new in the box laptop, instead of me constantly building and rebuilding various Frankenstein’d desktop machines, but not by much. As of early this year she has a decent Macbook Pro, and the tech support needs have dwindled to all but naught.

Technology woes also decrease exponentially (not just for her, but for everyone) when you realize that no one has ever developed a usable and fully functional desktop printer. It’s just a thing that doesn’t exist. A myth. The Great North America Wood Ape, or Sasquatch of PC accessories. Nothing but blurry pictures and folklore. “Ol’ Jeb says he saw a inkjet printer what didn’t jam and had no trouble connectin’ to any computer ya threw at it. USB or wireless, so says Ol’ Jeb. ‘Course Ol’ Jeb’s blinder ‘an a stack of butts and twice as dumb, so…” Just admit defeat before you even join the battle and only have your photos, reports and various paper whats-its printed at copy shops. Their $150,000 laser printers make nicer prints and work better (which is to say they are only down about %40 of the time) than any paper ruining contraption you have access to. If you factor in the cost of the home printer, and the CONSTANT influx of replacement ink that somehow costs MORE than the actual printer, thus negating the logic of buying the ink instead of throwing the printer away and buying a new one… where was I? Oh yeah. FUCK printers. Don’t use them. They are poison garbage.

SHARKSPLODERS: Please relate your “tech support for the family” nightmares. Were raccoons involved? I bet raccoons were involved.