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movies – HijiNKS ENSUE https://hijinksensue.com Comics, Podcasts, Videos and Funny Stuff by Joel Watson Tue, 26 Apr 2016 23:26:51 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.13 1118687 Blacktually https://hijinksensue.com/comic/blacktually/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/blacktually/#comments Mon, 26 Oct 2015 05:36:00 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1466

Holy fuck, what a week. Monday: Driving across Texas Tuesday: Broken Computer Wednesday: Broken Website Thursday: Broken Car Friday: Broken Spirits Any who, I’m back in the comics saddle (the most supple of saddles) for a week, then I’m taking my wife and child on our first (and likely last) real family vacation for a […]]]>

Holy fuck, what a week.
Monday: Driving across Texas
Tuesday: Broken Computer
Wednesday: Broken Website
Thursday: Broken Car
Friday: Broken Spirits

Any who, I’m back in the comics saddle (the most supple of saddles) for a week, then I’m taking my wife and child on our first (and likely last) real family vacation for a different and subsequent week. Please do not wreck the place while I am gone. The liquor cabinet is locked, but the key is on top of the refrigerator. Help yourself, but leave some for Santa (if you know what I mean… I mean I am Santa and don’t drink all my fightin’ water and funny juice).

Do you want A TON of bonus, extra and alternate comics?!  Then my Patreon is THE PLACE for you. Every little bit helps me continue to make a living, and is QUITE appreciated.

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I did a big ol’ spooky guest comic over at Cyanide & Happiness yesterday. Go read it. 

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He Rises https://hijinksensue.com/comic/he-rises/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/he-rises/#comments Tue, 06 Oct 2015 05:09:34 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1441

I’m traveling for most of October and into November, so it’s time for an EXPERIMENT. I asked Twitter and Facebook to give me ideas for the first panel of a comic. Then I take those ideas and have to make an entire comic that comes AFTER that first panel! For this week the suggestion is “A man with a dog calls 911.” […]]]>

I’m traveling for most of October and into November, so it’s time for an EXPERIMENT. I asked Twitter and Facebook to give me ideas for the first panel of a comic. Then I take those ideas and have to make an entire comic that comes AFTER that first panel! For this week the suggestion is “A man with a dog calls 911.” Since I’m at NYCC this week, I’ll be mostly reusing the art, but the dialog is all new.

My Patreon Patrons will be getting ENTIRELY different comics than the ones posted on this site. You’ll be getting 4-5 comics this week, and they’ll be getting TEN. Sign up to be a Patron and you’ll get them all too!

I have enough suggestions to go for months, but if you want to toss yours in the mix, please do it via Twitter, @hijinksensue and using the hashtag #1stPanel.

Do you want A TON of bonus, extra and alternate comics from the ones that appear on this site?! Do you want to support my ability to make a living from creating weird comics?! Then my Patreon is THE PLACE for you. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

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Infinite Martys In Infinite Combinations https://hijinksensue.com/comic/infinite-martys-in-infinite-combinations/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/infinite-martys-in-infinite-combinations/#respond Mon, 14 Sep 2015 08:05:35 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1366

I think about Back To The Future a lot. Like, more than a regular lot. A LOT a lot. I frequently watch the movies with my wife, and I frequently pause the movies for extended periods of time to go on rants about the various unchecked, universe ending paradoxes within the series and, let me […]]]>

I think about Back To The Future a lot. Like, more than a regular lot. A LOT a lot. I frequently watch the movies with my wife, and I frequently pause the movies for extended periods of time to go on rants about the various unchecked, universe ending paradoxes within the series and, let me tell you what, these rants are guaranteed panty melters… except the opposite of that. They’re… panty doublers? Panty reinforcers? Stone cold panty fortifiers? Anyway, about a week ago I posted a bunch of those “a lot of thoughts about Back To The Future” on Twitter, then my friend Wil dared me to make a comic about them (as he is wont to do) and I obliged.

Please check out my Patreon and throw in a a few bucks a month so that making comics can continue to be my job.

If that doesn’t suit you, how about buying yourself a nice shirt or print from my store. That’s almost entirely self-serving when you think about it. Getting yourself a present, that is. You deserve it. You did a good thing one time, and now you need a reward lest you forget why you do good deeds at all and descend into your own personal moral chaos spectrum.

I am happy to answer any questions about Back To The Future, the Infinite Martys Paradox, the 1885/1955/1985/2015 Temporal Nexus or Why Doc Brown doesn’t understand time travel or causality at all that you may decide to post in the comments. Rest assured that my answers will be 100% canon, truthful and definitive.

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No Child Left Alive https://hijinksensue.com/comic/no-child-left-alive-2/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/no-child-left-alive-2/#respond Wed, 05 Aug 2015 08:51:14 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1306

Here’s another redraw/recolor of one of my FANEURYSM strips. The original is here. NEW PATREON REWARDS AND GOALS!!!   Become a Patron now and you can help me release more eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! […]]]>

Here’s another redraw/recolor of one of my FANEURYSM strips. The original is here.

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NEW PATREON REWARDS
AND GOALS!!!

 

Become a Patron now and you can help
me release more eBooks of my comics and
sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics,
an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF
THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST
, and MORE!

Check out my Patreon HERE.

“Now, I know you’re a little apprehensive about sending your child to Hogwarts, but let me assure that our mortality rate is well within the guidelines for other reputable wizarding schools in Europe and Asia. Mortality rate… yes. The likelihood that your child will die or otherwise be rendered irreparably cursed, hexed or transfigured while in our care. What IS that rate? Like I said, it’s well within the standard… well, it’s… it’s around 30% NOW I know that seems high, but I promise you it is well within… yes, of course. No, I understand. It’s just with every single one of us, teacher and student, adult and child, carrying the power to kill with but a flick of the wrist and a a couple of odd words one has to expect a certain level of… no, I wouldn’t use that word. Well, because MURDER is a very particular word and I believe what happens here is more akin to… well OF COURSE you would bring HIM up. Yes, he was VERY murdered. Yes, horrifically so. Yes, all of the other students saw it. Well, because it happened right here in the great hall during lunch. I don’t know, I suppose he wanted to make an example of the little… yes, I’ve heard that about American wizarding schools as well. Honestly I don’t see how they could be teaching proper magic if THAT many children survive each year.”

If you like Harry Potter, you might like the podcast I do with my 8 year old daughter called Potter And Daughter. We recap each book about 6 chapters at a time as she reads through the series. Right now we’re in the middle of book five. It’s cute.

 

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The “Just Us” Club https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-just-us-club/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-just-us-club/#respond Thu, 30 Jul 2015 08:53:21 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1296

I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals! Become a Patron now and you can help me release more eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just check out my Patreon […]]]>

I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals! Become a Patron now and you can help me release more eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just check out my Patreon HERE.

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Here’s another of my recolored/rewritten FANEURYSM comics. You can see the original here. If you can spot all the differences, you win a punched out and devoured heart! Whose heart? Maybe yours! Are you a whale?! How did you get Internet in the ocean?! Oh, you bit into an intercontinental, underwater data cable? And now you can download the entire Internet straight into your whale brain? And even though you get decent download speeds depending on the tides, the upload is kind of slow? That’s a bummer! Still, pretty good for a whale, right?

 

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Missing Movie Scenes: The Fifth Element https://hijinksensue.com/comic/missing-movie-scenes-the-fifth-element/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/missing-movie-scenes-the-fifth-element/#respond Tue, 28 Jul 2015 16:44:56 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1289

I am SUPER EXICTED to announce that I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals! Become a Patron now and you can help me release eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just […]]]>

I am SUPER EXICTED to announce that I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals! Become a Patron now and you can help me release eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just check out my Patreon HERE.

sharksplode-patreon-banner-200

If you’ve never seen The Fifth Element, then this comic doesn’t make any sense. A) Fix your problem and treat yourself to one of the most unique and definitive films of the Sci-Fi/action drama and 2) Come back and read this comic again so we can all be on the same page.

Corbin Dallas is initially surprised when The Diva tells him to pull a bunch of Universe saving rocks out of her guts, but there’s too much else going on at the time for him to stop and wonder just how they got in there in the first place. He’s pretty gung-ho about his mission, so the second he realizes what she’s getting at, he’s two elbows deep in her gooey blueness, ripping out kilos of magical sandstone like there’s no tomorrow (because it is very likely there will not be one. A tomorrow that is.).

I see the stones getting in there one of a few different ways. There’s the method illustrated above, where The Diva Plava Laguna eats them like a bowl full of Grapenuts (though I expect they’d be slightly easier to actually get down than Grapenuts). Then there’s my second theory, where upon she’s running to the gate, just about to miss her space plane to Floston Paradise, she tosses her bag up on the scale and… and… FUCK! 52lbs! Her carry-on is already packed to the brim with head-tendril moisturizing jelly, so there’s only one option. She has to HOMF them down, right then and there. The slight variation to this theory involves a Space TSA agent telling her, “Can’t you read? No firearms, no liquids over 4 ounces and NO MAGIC STONES. You’re going to have to finish those here, if you want to go through security.” I call this the “forgot I had a bottle of water in my backpack” theory.

Maybe The Diva’s species are like crocodiles, and they already swallow stones to aid in digestion. Or maybe they’re like those elephants that eat river clay to gain much needed minerals that aren’t found in their natural diet. Or maybe The Diva is just a dirty ol’ rock eatin’ nasty freak.

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Think Only Tree https://hijinksensue.com/comic/think-only-tree-2/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/think-only-tree-2/#respond Thu, 02 Jul 2015 06:49:43 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1236

Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them! There’s even one of the very comic on THIS PAGE! Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy […]]]>

Look at these t-shirts I made for you! Look at them, then complete the necessary steps to own them! There’s even one of the very comic on THIS PAGE!

HijiNKS ENSUE Store t-shirts
Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. You can see the original, much smaller, and much more orange version HERE.

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Unassembled https://hijinksensue.com/comic/unassembled-2/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/unassembled-2/#respond Fri, 26 Jun 2015 00:39:41 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1216

Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. You can see the original version HERE. Of course all of this changes in Captain America: Civil War in […]]]>

Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. You can see the original version HERE.

Of course all of this changes in Captain America: Civil War in which EACH AND EVERY character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe will be making an appearance. If the movie is two and a half hours, I bet there’s 40 minutes just taking role call.

Sharksploders: Which lesser know Marvel character deserves their own solo movie and why?

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Ripping My Insides Out https://hijinksensue.com/comic/ripping-my-insides-out/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/ripping-my-insides-out/#respond Mon, 22 Jun 2015 08:17:38 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1203

Pixar are at their best when they’re reminding you of the frailty of the human condition. Sometimes I think they’re bold for having the guts to tell honest and often deeply sad stories in a way that has one level of significance to a child and a whole different level to an adult. Other times I […]]]>

Pixar are at their best when they’re reminding you of the frailty of the human condition. Sometimes I think they’re bold for having the guts to tell honest and often deeply sad stories in a way that has one level of significance to a child and a whole different level to an adult. Other times I think they are fucking our emotions for money.

I saw Inside Out this weekend. Ironically enough, the film is about this very subject. It’s about the idea that you can’t really be happy if you never allow yourself to be sad. It’s also about Pixar’s two other favorite ideas: Your kids are going to grow up and leave you, and then you’re going to die. Whether they’re tugging on our collective heart strings to bilk us out of billions or not, they ARE presenting very adult ideas in a format that is typically reserved for children’s entertainment and they’re doing it extremely well. This isn’t to say they’re exposing children to concepts that should be hidden from them. Far from it. I think it’s good for children to have realistic expectations of loss, and death and the concept of people and the world around them constantly changing. They do… it’s just that they SEEM to lean on this mechanism A LOT. I don’t even know if I want them to stop. I honestly don’t know if I thought Inside Out was a great movie. I enjoyed it, but I’d have to see it again (and like ALL Pixar movies, I will be seeing it again and again and again) before I know how I really feel about it. That’s ALSO a theme of the movie. Feeling more than one way about something, that is. This was a new concept to my Kiddo. For those that have seen the movie already, I explained to Kiddo that she’s probably still in the “single color memories” stage of her life, and she had a few more years before the “colors started to swirl.”

SHARKSPLODERS: Rank the Pixar films using any criteria you like. Entertainment value, cultural significance, number of times you’ve seen them, etc.

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INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY https://hijinksensue.com/comic/int-coffee-shop-day/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/int-coffee-shop-day/#respond Tue, 16 Jun 2015 21:23:31 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1196

Joel and Ethan Cohen? More like Joel and Ethan Goin’… To Put Me To Sleep! FROM BOREDOM! WITH ALL THEIR SMART WORDS! AM I RIGHT!? LADIES?! FELLAS?! [It’s secretly June 18, 2015, and I am back from a short vacation with my family. We went to a water park and also a cave. Both were […]]]>

Joel and Ethan Cohen? More like Joel and Ethan Goin’… To Put Me To Sleep! FROM BOREDOM! WITH ALL THEIR SMART WORDS! AM I RIGHT!? LADIES?! FELLAS?!

[It’s secretly June 18, 2015, and I am back from a short vacation with my family. We went to a water park and also a cave. Both were wet. Also I nearly sliced off my left thumb the day we left, so doing… things, anything really has been pretty difficult. I’ve never seen that much of my own blood and/or finger meats. It was an ordeal to say the least. Getting caught up on comics for this week now that I have mostly regained use of my thumb and have relocated to my home where there is reliable comic-making technology and Internet service.]

SHARKSPLODERS: What movie dialog cliches are you sick of hearing? They can also be dialog+action cliches like, “I’m not going, there’s no way you can get me on that plane, I’ll never go!” *cut to that dude totally on the plane.

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How To Find Your Star Wars Name https://hijinksensue.com/comic/how-to-find-your-star-wars-name-2/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/how-to-find-your-star-wars-name-2/#comments Fri, 12 Jun 2015 01:49:52 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1187

Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode. George Lucas is a hack, Star Wars is garbage, KILL YOUR IDOLS KILL […]]]>

Here’s another resurrected and recolored FANEURYSM comic. As I explained here, there are a few FANEURYSM comics that I don’t want to allow to slip into the void of the Internet’s hazy memory, and that fit in nicely with the aesthetic of Sharkzpode.

George Lucas is a hack, Star Wars is garbage, KILL YOUR IDOLS KILL YOUR IDOLS KILL YOUR IDOLS!!! I do gotta admit that new soccer-ball-with-a-head robot from the commercials is pretty dang cute.

Have you seen my store? NO!? GO THERE! SEE IT! GIVE IT YOUR MONEY AND IT WILL GIVE UNTO YOU SUCH TREASURES! OH SUCH TREASURES IT WILL GIVE!

Have you seen my wife’s geeky jewelry store, Science & Fiction? She’s got necklaces and earrings based on Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Star Wars, The Fibonacci Sequence, DNA, Pac-Man and lot’s more. CHECK. IT. OUT. 

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Order From Chaos Theory https://hijinksensue.com/comic/order-from-chaos-theory/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/order-from-chaos-theory/#comments Wed, 10 Jun 2015 12:20:55 +0000 http://sharksplode.com/?post_type=comic&p=1182

And due to John Hammond’s greatest innovation, the Skull-encased Remote Detonated Dinosaur Head Bomb, there was never a single problem at Jurassic Park. In fact, it hasn’t been closed a single day since it opened in 1993. There has only been one death on the island since the park’s inception. Unfortunately, on his first day of […]]]>

And due to John Hammond’s greatest innovation, the Skull-encased Remote Detonated Dinosaur Head Bomb, there was never a single problem at Jurassic Park. In fact, it hasn’t been closed a single day since it opened in 1993. There has only been one death on the island since the park’s inception. Unfortunately, on his first day of work, an I.T. worker named Dennis Nedry fell face first into a  6 foot tall mound of Triceratops turds and suffocated… on dinosaur poop. And when you think about it, that’s a pretty amazing way to die. I mean, he’s probably the first guy ever to die that way. Anywho, I’m sure he was great and we’re all super blah blah for his loss or whatever. Bottom line: Head Bombs keep everything running smooth.  Samuel L. Jackson even still has all his original arms.

Comics have been slow this week, because my friend Stepto* fell into a coma on Monday, and I haven’t really felt like being funny or creative since then.

His prognosis was not good, but last night (06/11) he started responding to voices. I am trying to cling onto that as a sign of hope and eventual recovery, but he is still very far from out of the woods. His family has incurred significant expenses for travel and lodging to be by his side, not to mention his medical bills. They have set up a crowd funding campaign to help alleviate that burden HERE. If you can spare anything for one of the kindest, most enthusiastic and genuine people I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend, please do so. If you would like to share any words of support with his friends or family, we are tweeting with the hashtag #ArmyOfSteptos.

stepto fundraiser

*Stepto was the original director for policy and enforcement (THE BANHAMMER) for Xbox Live, and now he works with a hacker advocacy group to strengthen the security of the Internet that you are on right now.

 

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If Man Is 5 And The Nexus 6, Then That Must Make Me 7 https://hijinksensue.com/comic/if-man-is-5-and-the-nexus-6-then-that-must-make-me-7/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/if-man-is-5-and-the-nexus-6-then-that-must-make-me-7/#comments Wed, 11 Mar 2015 10:28:33 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=6771

NEWS: My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunes. Fancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early! HOODIES ARE STILL ON SALE! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many […]]]>

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunes. Fancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early!

HOODIES ARE STILL ON SALE! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

COMMENTERS: What bad behavior, if ceased, would cause your family or coworkers to think you’d been replaced with a replicant. For me, it would probably be if I suddenly started updating the comic at the same time on the same days each week.

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Who, Pray Tell, Wouldst One Call Upon? https://hijinksensue.com/comic/who-pray-tell-wouldst-one-call-upon/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/who-pray-tell-wouldst-one-call-upon/#comments Mon, 03 Nov 2014 09:33:14 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=6322

HEY YOU FANCY BASTARDS LOOK AT THIS OMG! My online store at Explosm is closing forever at the end of this week. Everything is on sale, so go get it while there is good getting to be got. I’ve reshuffled my Patreon rewards so that the Potter and Daughter Podcast is unlocked at $1750 instead […]]]>

HEY YOU FANCY BASTARDS LOOK AT THIS OMG! My online store at Explosm is closing forever at the end of this week. Everything is on sale, so go get it while there is good getting to be got.

hijinks-ensue-explosm-store-banner-closing

I’ve reshuffled my Patreon rewards so that the Potter and Daughter Podcast is unlocked at $1750 instead of $2000. We’ve already recorded 4 or 5 episodes and I’m anxious to get it out in the world.

potter and daughter podcast logo hijink ensue

When my Patreon reaches $2000/month  $1750/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter! More details HERE.
becomepatron

Of course we all know the proper title of the theme song to the popular film The Ghostbusting Gentlemen is “Who, Pray Tell, Wouldst One Call Upon? (Were One So Inclined).” Apologies for the use of brevity, despite it’s status as the soul of wit.

This comic closely reflects an actual conversation I had with a turtle-clad neighborhood ninja-child while trick and/or treating (heavy emphasis on the treat part). I explained what they do with the ghosts, to which he replied, “That doesn’t make any sense.” Of course it does. A spectral containment system utilizing a grid of intersecting, high power lasers makes perfect sense. So does a pan-dimensional gateway through which specters, apparitions, vapors and various phantasms are deposited and incarcerated. Ectoplasm doesn’t have mass, therefore the size of the rip in spacetime required to access the adjacent dimension could be infinitesimally small, thus requiring far less power than generating a gateway large enough to pass, say, a hot dog, a human or even a bunch of hot dogs!  It makes all the god damn sense in the world, you booger eater.

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Better The Dirt Devil You Know https://hijinksensue.com/comic/better-the-dirt-devil-you-know/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/better-the-dirt-devil-you-know/#comments Sat, 20 Sep 2014 02:47:40 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=6285

COMMENTERS: You already know Eli’s. What is YOUR “mating call.” Alternately, what is the “song of your people.” When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! […]]]>

COMMENTERS: You already know Eli’s. What is YOUR “mating call.” Alternately, what is the “song of your people.”

potter and daughter podcast logo hijink ensue

When my Patreon reaches $2000/month I’m going to release a new podcast where upon I interview my 7 years old daughter as she reads through the Harry Potter series. It’s called Potter And Daughter and it’s awesomefreakinadorableashell! More details HERE.
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Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Dalek earrings my wife made! They’re in her Etsy store and ready to EXTERMINATE your… lack of perfect ear jewelry?

dalek earrings etsy science and fiction

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Think Only Tree https://hijinksensue.com/comic/think-only-tree/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/think-only-tree/#comments Sat, 23 Aug 2014 23:02:46 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=6203

Update 09-03-14: GAH! Toronto Fan Expo was a ton of fun, but the preparation, time spent there, time traveling home and recovery have and ARE costing me greatly in terms of productivity. I am frantically trying to update/backdate new comics so there are 4 a week for every week. I’m doing my best. Luckily I […]]]>

Update 09-03-14: GAH! Toronto Fan Expo was a ton of fun, but the preparation, time spent there, time traveling home and recovery have and ARE costing me greatly in terms of productivity. I am frantically trying to update/backdate new comics so there are 4 a week for every week. I’m doing my best. Luckily I don’t have much travel planned for the rest of the year.

My Patrons can view the original sketch for this comic [HERE]. 

becomepatron

Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Sonic Screwdriver earrings my wife made! 

sonic screwdriver earings matt smith elevelth doctor who etsy

https://www.etsy.com/listing/200762224/doctor-who-inspired-sonic-screwdriver

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And I’m Just Now Waking Up https://hijinksensue.com/comic/and-im-just-now-waking-up/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/and-im-just-now-waking-up/#comments Wed, 04 Jun 2014 06:26:12 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=5996

Current and Future Patrons, we are less than $100 away from unlocking more comics per week! Do me a favor, if you enjoy this comic, please check out my store, my shirts on Sharksplode, and my wife’s geeky jewelry on Etsy. It would help us out a great deal. So this realization just hit me […]]]>

Current and Future Patrons, we are less than $100 away from unlocking more comics per week!

becomepatron

Do me a favor, if you enjoy this comic, please check out my store, my shirts on Sharksplode, and my wife’s geeky jewelry on Etsy. It would help us out a great deal.

So this realization just hit me like Brad Pitt’s imaginary fist and I had to share it with the word. Both American Beauty and Fight Club follow nearly the same formula, hit the same plot points and have many parallel characters, yet (both being EXCELLENT films) manage to tell wildly different stories. !!!SPOILERS FOR BOTH MOVIES FOLLOW!!!

American Beauty And Fight Club Are The Same Movie

We meet a guy in corporate hell, he hates his life, he hates his job, he searches for meaning in the ideal of the American consumerist dream, but finds nothing there of substance. Just as he hits his breaking point he meets someone (real or imagined) who opens his eyes to his own bullshit. He has a meeting with his boss, almost gets fired, then blackmails his boss for a year’s salary. Free to live on his own terms, he does just that. He strips away the trappings of his old life and begins to pursue joy, meaning, purpose, etc. He turns himself into the person he’s always wanted to be. He starts to see the version of himself he sees on the inside out in the real world (more so in one of their cases). By throwing himself into his new journey, he loses touch with caring for the wellbeing of the other real people in his life. Realizing it or not, he gets in over his head with this new found clarity, get “killed,” THEN has an actual moment of clarity post “death” where he realizes his old life wasn’t as pointless as he’d come to believe, and his new life wasn’t the perfect answer to all of his problems that he’d thought it was. Then a Pixies song plays. Or it doesn’t.

Several people on twitter pointed out that Office Space fits into this theme as well. I’d say it’s a CLOSE match. Maybe 75% of the themes translate between Office Space and the other two. I would also argue that all three of these movies are perfect. I ALSO want to point out that all three of these movies came out in 1999, the year I graduated high school. The year I moved away from home and took control of my own life. What was it about the climate in America in 1999 that was so focused on “WE ARE LIVING A CORPORATE BULLSHIT FAKE FAMILY KEEPING UP APPEARANCES LIE?” I guess it’s because we sort of were.

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FARGOne Conclusion https://hijinksensue.com/comic/fargone-conclusion/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/fargone-conclusion/#comments Thu, 29 May 2014 00:30:22 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=5971

The Fargo TV series is really good. Like REALLY good, dontchaknow. My wife and I started shotgunning it via VOD based on numerous accounts of it being of high quality and damn, if it didn’t grab me right away. At first I was confused, thinking that it was a retelling of the original Coen brothers […]]]>

The Fargo TV series is really good. Like REALLY good, dontchaknow. My wife and I started shotgunning it via VOD based on numerous accounts of it being of high quality and damn, if it didn’t grab me right away. At first I was confused, thinking that it was a retelling of the original Coen brothers movie. A lot of the characters and many of the situations seemed to be analogous to the those in the 1996 film. Also, they both started with an onscreen message about being based on a true story. So was it the same true story, or two very similar true stories that happened nearly 20 years apart? Was Martin Freeman’s character supposed to be the TV version of William H. Macey’s character? They both had dead end jobs and got involved with criminals before quickly getting in way over their heads.

FANCY BASTARD BULLETIN! 
Tuesday June 3rd is my birthday (I’m almost positive I’m turning 33). If you like to help me celebrate, please feel free to check out:

The Patreon is honestly the greatest thing you can do for me in terms of making sure I am still able to do HijiNKS ENSUE as my full time job. Otherwise, I’ll happily take an Internet high five via Twitter or Facebook.

So, what was the deal? It turns out the answers to my questions were basically, “Yessss? But also noooo?” Fargo, the movie, is NOT based on a true story. There are a few true crime stories that might have been inspiration, but one of them took place in Connecticut, and neither of them are similar enough to the film to call it “true.” That was just a lie the film makers used when marketing the movie to a world that didn’t yet have immediate access to all recorded facts in their pockets. Bullshitting was easier in the 90’s. Likewise, the FX show is also NOT a true story. It’s a great story, but a false one none the less. After a few episodes you actually learn that Fargo the show is a direct sequel to Fargo the movie in that they take place in the same universe, and at least one plot point carries over directly from one to the next. It is ALSO a bit of a remake/retelling in that many of the characters and situations are TV-ised versions of their movie counterparts. It’s a bit confusing when you analyze it, but it’s also great TV. And I should point out that knowledge of the movie is in no way necessary to enjoy the show.

Now go have some hotdish, hon, and enjoy the nice, gruesome murders on the TV.

becomepatron

I also made you this super cute Adventure Time/Doctor Who shirt. GO BUY IT! 

sharksplode-t-shirt-adventure-timelords-WIDE

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ResurrXtion https://hijinksensue.com/comic/resurrxtion/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/resurrxtion/#comments Mon, 26 May 2014 12:00:50 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=5963

You have to give it to Bryan Singer for realizes his mistake in abandoning the X-Men franchise, then taking the first available opportunity to COMPLETELY ERASE the one X-Men movie he didn’t direct from continuity. There were parts of Days Of Future Past that felt like he was just course correcting the damage done to […]]]>

You have to give it to Bryan Singer for realizes his mistake in abandoning the X-Men franchise, then taking the first available opportunity to COMPLETELY ERASE the one X-Men movie he didn’t direct from continuity. There were parts of Days Of Future Past that felt like he was just course correcting the damage done to the story, and there were other times that seemed like a giant middle finger, or Adamantium/bone claw to Brett Ratner.

FANCY BASTARD BULLETIN! 
Tuesday June 3rd is my birthday (I’m almost positive I’m turning 33). If you like to help me celebrate, please feel free to check out my Patreon campaign, my donation page or my Amazon wish list. The Patreon is honestly the greatest thing you can do for me in terms of making sure I am still able to do HijiNKS ENSUE as my full time job. Otherwise, I’ll happily take an Internet high five via Twitter or Facebook.

It’s still a relatively new film, so I won’t get into spoilers or specifics, but Days Of Future Past is now probably my favorite X-Men movie. In it, you finally get to see some things (mutant powers, character traits, relationships, etc) that have been hinted at, but somehow left out of all of the previous films. It just feels like a more complete X-Men movie.

For those that HAVE seen it: don’t you, like me, want to see an ENTIRE MOVIE set in that apocalyptic future? It was very intriguing and visually/stylistically quite cool. I’ve read that some of the original cast might make an appearance in Age Of Apocalypse (probably Wolverine, if I had to guess), but it seems like they are moving the franchise forward with the First Class crew from here on out. Age Of Apocalypse is supposed to take place in the 80’s, but I wonder if Singer (assuming he sticks with it) will keep them from every butting up to the first X-Men movie which was set in 2000. In that film, Professor X was already in his 60’s. I doubt James McAvoy is going to be able to pull that look off. Maybe they’ll do 2 or 3 more movies set in the 80’s to early 90’s, then close the book on this cast as well.

I am still holding out hope for a Magneto movie starring Fassbender. He really does step into Magneto’s skin and become that character fully. All of the conflict, the drive, the righteous indignation, the barely suppressed rage just flows out of his ever glance and carefully spoken word. I suppose I feel the same way about James Marsden’s portrayal of Cyclops, in that I give zero shits about Scott Summers as a character and I give the same number of shits (which is holding steady at zero) about Marsden’s portrayal of (to be clear) THE MOST BORING PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO CAN SHOOT A NUCLEAR CANNON OUT OF HIS FACE.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to discuss your thoughts on Days Of Future Past (without getting into spoiler territory), or X-Men movies in general (and the sliding/shifting/disappearing continuity). What X-Men storyline would you most like to see brought to life in film? What characters would you like to see solo films for?

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The Bell Curve https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-bell-curve/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-bell-curve/#comments Mon, 17 Feb 2014 10:05:45 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=5668

Harry Potter fans: Check out my wife’s new Wizard Duel necklace! She’s also got a Kissing Pacman necklace and Game Of Thrones house necklaces for House Targaryen, House Stark and House Lannister. Having a small child is like having an iPod with a very short playlist. Like 3 items are on this list AT MOST for MONTHS at a time. Also, that little […]]]>

Harry Potter fans: Check out my wife’s new Wizard Duel necklace! She’s also got a Kissing Pacman necklace and Game Of Thrones house necklaces for House Targaryen, House Stark and House Lannister.

Having a small child is like having an iPod with a very short playlist. Like 3 items are on this list AT MOST for MONTHS at a time. Also, that little repeat loopy arrow button is checked. It’s checked as hell. There are weeks when you would kill for all 3 items to be in random rotation on the playlist, but instead it’s just the 1 and the iPod has nearly infinite batteries and is able to achieve optimum volume at all times. For several months now, the Frozen soundtrack has been the ONLY item on the playlist that is a metaphor that is my human daughter child.

Luckily, the Frozen soundtrack is something I enjoy (in relative moderation… as I have recently learned). My daughter’s singing is also something that I enjoy. My daughter enjoying things and expressing her enjoyment of those things is ALSO something I enjoy. This confluence of enjoyable things sounds like it would leave me in a state of pure elation at all waking hours of the day. That is… often not the case.

The honesty in the comic above is that just when I think I can’t take any more of her belting “For The First Time In Forever” it loops back around from earsplitting and annoying to incredibly cute and heart warming. Regardless of where I happen to fall on the curve at any given time, I make sure to tell Kiddo that I like her singing. Luckily she seems to have inherited the old man’s sense of pitch, so her singing is LOUD but in tune. Another thing I’ve noticed is that she’s inherited my gift/curse for voice mimicry. I cannot sing a song without doing the original artists inflections, accents, tone, etc. She appears to be the same way, and it honestly makes me super proud. Not that this is some amazing gift, but just that it further illustrates that pieces of me are alive and running around inside of her brain.

COMMENTERS: What do you kids have on repeat ad infinitum? What did you have on repeat as a kid?

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Full Grown Froze Bros https://hijinksensue.com/comic/full-grown-froze-bros/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/full-grown-froze-bros/#comments Wed, 12 Feb 2014 18:03:44 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=5661

Bro, do you even Frozen? I’m really getting sick of all these “Fake Frozen Kids” wearing all the Frozen shirts and buying up all the Frozen dolls and dressing up in Elsa costumes and POSING like real diehard Frozeholes Brozen* (what REAL, ADULT Frozen fans call ourselves) and just clogging up the genuine fandom with their […]]]>

Bro, do you even Frozen? I’m really getting sick of all these “Fake Frozen Kids” wearing all the Frozen shirts and buying up all the Frozen dolls and dressing up in Elsa costumes and POSING like real diehard Frozeholes Brozen* (what REAL, ADULT Frozen fans call ourselves) and just clogging up the genuine fandom with their poser bullshit.

CONVENTION TIME! Emerald City Comicon in Seattle (March 28-30, 2014) with David Willis in the webcomics section right next to Cyanide & Happiness.

My first ever solo ECCC panel: It will be all about The Experiment and I need BUTTS IN SEATS! SEATBUTTS! You GOTTA COME to this panel. I am also doing a live drawing panel with my Cyanide & Happiness friends. More info on both panels HERE. 

My wife made a Kissing Pacman and Ms. Pacman necklace. Also available in double Pacmens or Pacladies configurations. She’s also updated her Game Of Thrones house necklaces to include House Targaryen (in addition to House Stark and House Lannister).

COMMENTERS: What “thing(s) made for kids” do you genuinely enjoy more than adults are meant to? 

[*Thank you, David, for reminding me.]

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Uncancelling The Adrunkalypse https://hijinksensue.com/comic/uncancelling-the-adrunkalypse/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/uncancelling-the-adrunkalypse/#respond Sun, 27 Oct 2013 21:17:11 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3640

This is taken from a Fancy Digital Sketch I did for Fancy Bastard David Lewis, who asked for “The HijiNKS ENSUE cast’s entry into the Pacific Rim Jaeger program.” I posted a few more Fancy Digital sketches on my Tumblr (here and here). If you are still waiting on a sketch, you are a wonderful […]]]>

This is taken from a Fancy Digital Sketch I did for Fancy Bastard David Lewis, who asked for “The HijiNKS ENSUE cast’s entry into the Pacific Rim Jaeger program.”

I posted a few more Fancy Digital sketches on my Tumblr (here and here). If you are still waiting on a sketch, you are a wonderful and patient person who will be rewarded very soon with a weird drawing like the one above.

I might post a few more of these sketches as Lofi’s depending on how they turn out.

Comments (4)

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R. W.'s avatar

R. W. · 85 weeks ago

Jaeger Bomb would make an awesome tshirt.
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 84 weeks ago

I imagine if you get the Kaiju monsters drunk enough, they’ll have to stop wreaking havoc and start throwing up instead.

1 reply · active 84 weeks ago

BUT THEY THROW UP ACID!!!!
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Gravity Sickness https://hijinksensue.com/comic/gravity-sickness/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/gravity-sickness/#comments Sat, 19 Oct 2013 20:50:15 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3630

I have a new store NEW STORE new store NEW STORE!!! The new HE store is live at explosm! There are new signed prints and posters (previously only available at conventions), and for the first time I’m offering signed books! More info HERE.  I saw Gravity last night and I was all :O the entire time. If you are interested in my more in depth thoughts […]]]>

I have a new store NEW STORE new store NEW STORE!!!

The new HE store is live at explosm! There are new signed prints and posters (previously only available at conventions), and for the first time I’m offering signed books! More info HERE.

 I saw Gravity last night and I was all :O the entire time. If you are interested in my more in depth thoughts on the film, please head over to the SUPER SPOILERY Gravity thread on the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group.

Potentially mild Gravity spoiler in the next sentence…. Ok, so was that a horror movie where the monster was momentum? Or inertia? Or possibly… GRAVITY?!? WHUT?! DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!!!

Either way, I really enjoyed it. Reminded me of Aronofsky’s The Fountain except for the linear storyline that made sense. It was beautifully shot, totally immersive and allowed you JUST enough time to not quite catch your breath between gaspable moments. It plays with the kind of suspense that nearly becomes stress, but never quite makes you so uneasy that you want to leave the room. I give it two bloody thumb nubs up.

COMMENTERS: What movie has provoked the biggest physical reaction (ie raised heart rate, jumping out of your seat, actual tears, dizziness, etc.) in you? 

UPDATE ON THE FANCY DIGITAL SKETCH DRIVE: If you are still waiting on your Fancy Digital Sketch, I am SUPER BACKLOGGED on these. I am very sorry it’s taking so long. I am working through them, but if you need yours urgently, feel free to let me know via email.

Have you seen my wife’s Etsy store, “Science and Fiction?” Check out her Starfleet pips choker! 

Star Trek Starfleet Pips choker Necklace Etsy

 

Comments (29)

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I seriously had my hands to my mouth for most of the movie. It felt like a ride.
TJ "Kiltman"Anderson's avatar

TJ “Kiltman”Anderson · 87 weeks ago

The first time I saw saving private ryan…that opening 25 min Normandy invasion sequence was extremely intense.. haven’t seen gravity yet.
TJ "Kiltman"Anderson's avatar

TJ “Kiltman”Anderson · 87 weeks ago

Shaving Ryans privates… Rule#34.

i am 12.

Carlos A.'s avatar

Carlos A. · 87 weeks ago

Some people weren’t happy with it: http://arstechnica.com/science/2013/10/poking-hol…
Danger, Danger, Spoilers and science in link.
petsinwinter's avatar

petsinwinter · 86 weeks ago

Pokemon: The First Movie made me cry but +I was like 6 at the time
Candace's avatar

Candace · 86 weeks ago

Martin Scorsese’s ’91 remake of Cape Fear starring Robert De Niro and Nick Nolte. Robert De Niro was completely and utterly terrifying in the role of Max Cady, and I spent the entire movie alternately on the edge of my seat, and cowering in my seat grabbing onto my friend next to me while squealing in terror.

I believe that may still be the most frightening, chilling movie I have ever seen. (I have not seen Gravity yet.) I would say that Scorsese topped Hitchcock with Cape Fear, and that is no mean feat. (Of course, Hitchcock didn’t have De Niro.)

Varmint's avatar

Varmint · 86 weeks ago

Probably the climax of Back to the Future (do I even need to say that spoilers follow for a movie released in 1985?). The whole race to get the Deloreon some juice from the lightning striking the clock tower while everything that can go wrong does go wrong still keeps me in suspense on some level even after all this time, despite repeated viewings.

The two minutes immediately afterward, with the wide shot of Doc Brown walking through the wreckage of the whole aftermath dumbfounded before he suddenly runs down the street yelling in triumph as the horn section plays a few bars of the orchestral theme, still make me want to involuntarily pump my fist. It’s possibly my favorite movie moment of all time.

BrerBear's avatar

BrerBear · 86 weeks ago

I suffer from extreme acrophobia so i will give gravity a wide berth. And don’t come at me with “you lose you sense of height at a certain altitude”-bullshit. i know exactly how high and how long i will be falling 😀
Scarlettb's avatar

Scarlettb · 86 weeks ago

I almost passed out during The Dark Knight. I saw it on an IMAX screen, and we sat HELLA close (not my choice). When he jumped off the building at the beginning, I had to put my head between my knees.
Dave's avatar

Dave · 86 weeks ago

I had to consciously supress my physiological response to “Headhunters” (featuring Jaime Lannister) because I was donating platelets at the time. They’ll probably need to ban “Gravity.”

There was some sort of excessive fluid build up in my eyes watching “Pay it Forward.”

Hotsauce's avatar

Hotsauce · 86 weeks ago

Gravity: Two Hours of “So you have a thing about heights, do you?”
“Angular Momentum” should have been the title according to Neil deGrasse Tyson. I have not seen the movie and likely won’t.
Im not making fun, but I laughed out loud imagining someone crying that “inconsolable child cry” in a movie theater.
Bruceski's avatar

Bruceski · 86 weeks ago

I’m not sure if this counts since it was after the fact and due to external issues, but Jurassic Park scarred me for ten years. The movie was freaky and awesome and probably something I shouldn’t have seen as a 10-year-old kid but who cares it was CG dinosaurs. Unfortunately I had sleep apnea (undiagnosed at the time) and as a result had major sleepwalking problems where I’d be awake but my brain would still be running in dreamland.

Now imagine when this occurs during a nightmare. I was in bed, and there was a TV hovering at the foot of my bed showing the scariest parts of the movie. I got up, turned off the TV, and went to the bathroom. On the way I had to pass my playroom, and the moon in the window was casting a shadow on the wall that looked like a raptor. Now when half-asleep that means you’re also half-awake: I was able to tell myself it was just the shadow of a robin or something, and my mind playing tricks on me. Then the shadow turned its head towards the doorway and lept.

Until I left that house for college, no matter how many daylight hours I spent looking at things rationally, if I had to pee during the night I went past that room at a sprint. I knew it wasn’t real but I couldn’t take that chance.

2 replies · active 86 weeks ago

Zee's avatar

Zee · 86 weeks ago

This made me laugh so hard. But to give you some ammunition to fire back at me, anything featuring Slenderman, whether games or videos, makes me unable to sleep properly at night. I’m 32 years old, and I am incredibly jaded about horror. I can watch any horror movie you put in front of me, and come out okay. I played Amnesia: The Dark Descent, and while I will agree that it was very scary WHILE PLAYING, I had no nightmare issues. Same goes for many of what most people call the scariest movies. It is why I am not a fan of horror genre. I am so rarely scared that I just can’t enjoy it.

But I had repeated sightings of a very waifish, humanlike shadow in the hallway of my childhood home when I was little. It was in the corner of my eye, when I sat at the computer at night. I would turn around, and there’d be nothing, but I could see it in my peripheral vision. There wouldn’t even be a shadow there, either. It happened well into my adulthood. I have had no episodes of hallucinations, did not do drugs, still don’t, and have not had this happen to me in any other location, nor under any other circumstance. So, with that deeply disturbing phenomena ingrained into my formative years, with no rational explanation, Slendy scares the F**K out of me.

Bruceski's avatar

Bruceski · 86 weeks ago

Laugh away. I loved the movie, and if not for the sleepwalking any nightmares would have been short-lived. These days my brain tends to make up its own horror. “Hey, what if in this video game that has nothing to do with being scary you turned around and there was a monster behind you?” “Shut up brain, I’m going to sleep after this. Why’d you have to do that?”
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 86 weeks ago

Kill Bill 2 – buried alive. I swore I felt my lungs stop working.

The Descent – not the monsters. The scene where the one gal gets stuck. If I were to go caving, THAT is where I would suffocate and die.

Monsters Inc – yes, seriously. Every time the kid screams it makes me cry.

1 reply · active 86 weeks ago

That reminds me of the scene in the Ewok movie where the kid gets trapped under the surface of the water. That scared the shit out of my for at least 5 years afterwards. I remember there was a time that I wouldnt evet go completely under the surface of the water in a swimming pool after seeing that.

Re: Monsters Inc. I know what you mean. Boo’s terrified and anguished screaming when she’s strapped in the chair are a little too realistic, especially considering how often I have seen that movie with my own daughter who was basically Boo’s age at the time.

bix's avatar

bix · 86 weeks ago

I watched a documentary about Chinese foot binding during an anthropology class that made me pass out. I had never passed out before and had no idea what was wrong with me, but watching close ups of real women’s feet after they had been unwrapped was so disturbing that I got nauseous, followed by tunnel vision, followed by blacking out and falling out of my chair. The odd thing to me is that my body decided to shut down rather than my brain just telling me to stop looking at the screen.
Shayne's avatar

Shayne · 86 weeks ago

Million Dollar Baby. She broke her neck. Died. Movie over.

I was shaking with anger when I left the theater.

Chelsea's avatar

Chelsea · 86 weeks ago

I saw The Woman in Black in a crowded theater and basically cowered in my seat the entire time. It’s hella atmospheric and the jump scares abound – the audience was totally feeding off each others’ fear. It was an hour and a half of shocked screams, nervous laughter, and relieved exhales. A truly excellent time.

Also…Up. The first five minutes of Up. Goddammit, Pixar. *sob*

bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2 · 86 weeks ago

Three films come to mind:

1) Star Wars (IV). Saw it live when it first came out in 1977 at the Cooper Theater in Denver–curved screen and a decent (for the day) sound system. So when the battleship came zooming from seemingly overhead it was a totally visceral moment and quite the ride to the very end.

2) Some sort of IMAX like theater at a state fair or some such. It was just short, wild clips of flying, riding a roller coaster, and other high-speed actions. There were no seats in the theater so you’re standing up and getting the sensation of falling or moving with rises and falls of the POV action. So weird.

3) Rocky Horror Picture Show–simply for the outrageous film itself but mostly for the frantic audience participation.

Away we Go – when Chris Messina is talking about his wife and their kids,(SPOLIER: She can’t have kids but they keep trying.) I just about lost it. Which is of course followed with Mya Rudolph wondering if she’ll be a good parent, followed by them finding their home, roll credits…..I had to go into the kitchen for ” a beer”, mostly to pull myself together.

Also…
The original The Amityville Horror Horror, saw it when I was ten and didn’t sleep for a week.

Frostpaws's avatar

Frostpaws · 86 weeks ago

Call me a monster if you like, but dammit, I laughed uncontrollably in the first 15 mimutes of Saving Private Ryan. I was on a date too, so that didnt go so well. She did give
Me another chance, though.
Daemnor's avatar

Daemnor · 26 weeks ago

Final Destination – I was on the edge of my seat for most of the movie, trying to alter the probabilities on the accidents.

Also, for some reason… any time a character is underwater/around poisonous gas/must be silent, I hold my breath. Every. Single. Time.

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Field Sobriety Test https://hijinksensue.com/comic/field-sobriety-test/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/field-sobriety-test/#comments Mon, 30 Sep 2013 09:28:32 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3605

The big giant mega blowout HE Store sale is over, and we are putting the final touches on the new HE store which will hopefully launch tomorrow HERE. UPDATE ON THE FANCY DIGITAL SKETCH DRIVE: If you are still waiting on your Fancy Digital Sketch, I am SUPER BACKLOGGED on these. I am very sorry it’s taking […]]]>

The big giant mega blowout HE Store sale is over, and we are putting the final touches on the new HE store which will hopefully launch tomorrow HERE.

UPDATE ON THE FANCY DIGITAL SKETCH DRIVE: If you are still waiting on your Fancy Digital Sketch, I am SUPER BACKLOGGED on these. I am very sorry it’s taking so long. Doing 50+ original pieces of finished art always sounds easy, until you agree to do it and take money for it. I am working through them, but if you need yours urgently, feel free to let me know via email.

Joel is headed home so I guess we’re about to meet his wife. Hear that, ACTUAL WIFE? I’m about to draw you in a comic or whatever! Let the record she that she did not protest. Let the record ignore that she is asleep because it’s 4:30 am. Things you whisper alone into the dark are totally admissible in court.

COMMENTERS: By virtue of being married to me and being totally supportive of my creative endeavors, my wife has sort of obligated herself to appearing in the comic. She’s had 6 years to get used to the idea, so I can’t say it will be that much of a shock. That is, until I get to the LEGEND OF THE ULTIMATE ROBOBEAST: ORGY WAR 2068 storyline later this year. What are the unwelcome obligations and perks that come along with your spouse or significant other’s job/profession/whatever? Does their job give you free travel all over the world? Perk! Does their job require free travel to New Jersey? Less of a perk!

PACMAN NECKLACE! WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA…

This is my wife’s birthday week! Celebrate it by buying yourself a present from her Etsy store “Science and Fiction.” Check out her her latest geeky creation, a Pacman inspired necklace!

Pacman Necklace on Etsy

 

Comments (17)

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Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 89 weeks ago

He has the unwelcome obligation of helping with many facets of my business as an unpaid helper. Being a schlepper, and driver for 6-13 hour drives is probably the worse of it. I’m so lucky!

His previous job had great perks for my business; free photocopies, access to free dial up after business hours, a free laptop that no one wanted (it was so old, and permanently locked into a charging station base). Free trip to San Diego once. Health insurance.

Cdogg's avatar

Cdogg · 89 weeks ago

My husband is a philosophy professor, so he gets free trips to conferences once or twice a year, so we just need to buy me a ticket and we have an almost free vacation! We went to Vancouver and Edinburgh last year, which I definitely call a perk.

But, on the other hand, I’m married to an over-educated man who spends his days with annoying undergrads and gets paid to argue, so that can be a bit of a pain in my ass… 🙂

PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 89 weeks ago

Husband’s job requires a TON of travel, which is not a perk for me – he’s gone a lot. But every time we travel, free air travel & hotel stays in swanky rooms from all his points, so that is a GREAT perk!

I have a bookstore, so his marriage perk is access to tons of books for cheap-or-free, which in our household is a major deal. Books everywhere…

Her job gets us a discount on fuel to drive around and visit people/places more (which if you know what fuel costs in the UK, is pretty handy).

My job gets her free access to pretty much any decent gig when her favourite bands come to town…

In about 2 months we get medical, vision, and dental coverage which is a huge god damned perk, and before that he’s finally making enough money I can actually see a dentist for some emergency stuff. Huge perks. Downside? he works 12-15 hour shifts 5 days a week so I get no help around the house and our kid frets about how much he misses his dad. My husband’s perk for marrying me is that I’m a tolerable housewife, really good cook, and can keep things functioning when he’s away. Downside for him is that I’ve been in severe pain for several months and lash out in a furious rage when anyone tries to touch me.
The hubs works in Physical Therapy, so he basically fixes whatever is wrong with my apparently aged-before-it’s-time body. Wonky hip, neck pain, shoulder pain, I just point, grunt, and hiss ‘dooooo sooooomethiiing’ and he fixes me up.

The downside is I’m also the guinea pig for any new ‘techniques’ he wants to try out before he inflicts his patients with new torturous ways of making you ‘feel better’. Many have left me writhing in pain. But hey! Being able to turn my head 360 degrees is super-useful now!

PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 89 weeks ago

Definitely – shouldn’t be considered a “perk,” should be something everyone has! Stupid health care system *grumble grumble*
Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 89 weeks ago

I’m Canadian, just because we have “free” healthcare doesn’t mean everything is free.

It’s still good to have separate private health coverage for medication, eyecare, dentistry, therapy, hospital stays…etc.
Medication costs for some illnesses or conditions are major!

Justplainsomething's avatar

Justplainsomething · 89 weeks ago

I have one of her Quidditch necklaces and it is PRETTY.

1 reply · active 89 weeks ago

Really glad you like it.
lou's avatar

lou · 89 weeks ago

When one of my parents goes out of town for business for a week or more, they both go and make a mini-vacation out of it. Last year, my mom had a conference to go to in Germany and the Czech Republic, and Dad went along because of their centuries-old breweries, bringing home the beer steins and bottle openers to prove it. To quote Liz Lemon, “I want to go to there!”
I’m a massage therapist. I think my girlfriend appreciates this muchly.

Shame we live a state apart and all.

1 reply · active 89 weeks ago

this is the perk to end all perks as far as Im concerned.
My other half and I both work at the same University, so I get car rides and the occasional middle of the day hug. It’s nice.
rostheskunk's avatar

rostheskunk · 28 weeks ago

Mmmm Solyent Green Mountain Dew.
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I Feel The Need https://hijinksensue.com/comic/i-feel-the-need/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/i-feel-the-need/#comments Wed, 18 Sep 2013 09:17:06 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3587

The BIGGEST MERCH SALE I HAVE EVER DONE  ENDS THIS WEEK (9/21/13)! GO NOW to the HE STORE $10 Books! $9 Shirts!  [I’m hearing reports of unusually high shipping charges in the store. I’ve asked what the deal is but so far I have not gotten a straight answer. I PROMISE you that shipping prices will […]]]>

The BIGGEST MERCH SALE I HAVE EVER DONE  ENDS THIS WEEK (9/21/13)! GO NOW to the HE STORE $10 Books! $9 Shirts! 

[I’m hearing reports of unusually high shipping charges in the store. I’ve asked what the deal is but so far I have not gotten a straight answer. I PROMISE you that shipping prices will be normal when the store re-opens shortly after the blowout sale. I’m really sorry about this and I appreciate anyone that tried to support the sale, but had to abandon their cart due to crazy shipping prices.]

Hot damn if these new strips aren’t kicking my ass. I spent a day just trying to figure out how to draw Denise. Longtime HE readers may know that she’s appeared very infrequently and thus has never really had a consistent appearance. Primarily her scarceness was due to my lack of confidence with regards to drawing ladies. I am forcing myself to get better at this by writing them into the comics for essentially the first time ever. I am also taking more time on the backgrounds since I’ve realized that continuing stories will probably call for continuity in background settings. Feel free to check my math on that, but I’m pretty sure I’m right. Anyway, these new challenges have lead to my typical 4-5 hour comic process taking 8-10 hours.

Regardless of the additional time constraints I am extremely proud of the new comics and the feedback I’ve been getting is really reassuring. It’s does wonders for my enthusiasm to see people tweeting and posting jokes from my comics that are just dialog I’ve written between characters instead of my take on some Hollywood shenanigan or Doctor Whoism. There’s still a place for that in the Lo-fi comics (because I still love telling those kinds of jokes), but it’s gratifying to know I can invent something of my own and have it still be amusing to some.

COMMENTERS: What did you significant other do to make you realize that they just GET you? Or vice versa? When did you look at someone and go, “Oh, you feel that way about that thing, then our brains/hearts must have similar operating systems.”

NOTE: The Mobile Alt Text button broke when I put the big store sale banner in the site. As soon as the sale is over I will put the button back.

Have you seen my wife’s geeky jewelry creations? 

You can see her Tetris necklace below and more geeky goods in her shop! 

tetris-necklace

 

Comments (34)

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iampaul's avatar

iampaul · 91 weeks ago

Im from the Philippines
But I dont seem to get it
Sky Boners?
Please explain
Thanks

2 replies · active 91 weeks ago

Top Gun has been consistently accused of being full of thinly-veiled homoerotic motifs. The joke here is that, because of this, when it’s translated into another language the thin veil is removed – it’s not necessarily Philippines specific.
What he said. I’m glad you did this because I would rather chop off my own head with a brick than explain a joke.
I like Denise. No, I *really* like her. “My ass needs a couch, my brain needs a beer.”

2 replies · active 72 weeks ago

Fren's avatar

Fren · 91 weeks ago

Give us six of her and worlds shall tremble.
Phil's avatar

Phil · 91 weeks ago

As a former American colony, the Philippines rarely gets alternate movie titles.

But if we did, Sky Boners would be TIGAS LANGIT. Which is awesome.

4 replies · active 91 weeks ago

Stephanie's avatar

Stephanie · 91 weeks ago

Tigas Langit is a good name for the hero of an action sci fi adventure movie.
Is that Tagalog?
Also, please be super prepared for my vision of the Philippines and the ACTUAL Philippines to differ WILDLY.
Stephanie's avatar

Stephanie · 91 weeks ago

For me and my hubby it was the sense of humor. My best friend stuck us in a car together for a long drive to an exhibition game against another college. I started out bummed because I actually had a crush on another guy. But then we passed some land feature named after some sort of tableware (fork pass or something) and we spent the rest of the trip naming land features after tableware. It was silly and ridiculous, but it passed the time quickly. I relentlessly pursued him after that until he finally gave in and asked me out. We’ve now been married almost 10 years and we still have the same sense of humor. I’ve discovered that his ability to make me laugh when I’m having a bad day is the single most important thing in our marriage.
AmyLynn's avatar

AmyLynn · 91 weeks ago

My husband is a baseball geek as well as a Browncoat and a Trekkie. We find common ground on the latter all the time. The other day I said something like “yeah, but that record is from the dead-ball era” and he just stared at me. I swear I could see Looney Tunes style hearts emanating from his head.
While reading the comic and before reading your blog I thought to myself…
“Oh good, he’s staying consistent with the background.” It’s something I appreciate. I like to become familiar with character’s surroundings.
I also laughed at Joel in the third panel. 😉

As for the comment question, for no reason at all, I was given a Gamorrean Guard doll.

Paul's avatar

Paul · 91 weeks ago

Just wanted to join the chorus and say that I think this move to continuing stories is a good idea. It’ll help you stretch creative muscles you may not have used previously, and I think that focusing on and expanding a cast of regular characters will build readership and contribute to the longevity of the strip.
Sonia's avatar

Sonia · 91 weeks ago

I love both the new direction you’re going in as well as the lo-fi strips and think you are doing a fantastic job. Challenging yourself artistically is a good thing. I will keep reading as will most of my friends.
My wife told me when we were dating that she wanted me to come over and watch the NHL finals with her. I grew up playing hockey, she had only a tangential knowledge of it. She then asked me to explain it to her. I’m not sure there is anything better for a sports fan than explaining the sport to a newbie.
HikingViking's avatar

HikingViking · 91 weeks ago

I’m glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when I read about Pretty Horse and Mustache Duck, or I would have spit it out. Because laughter.
Thatman42's avatar

Thatman42 · 91 weeks ago

Anything you decide to do with the comic I will support. I’ve been reading it for a couple of years and have enjoyed it all.
I used to be pretty into Warhammer back when I had more time to devote to it. My fiance isn’t much of a geek but one year for Christmas she made a folding warhammer table for me. At that point I realized that even though she may not be into all the same stuff I’m into, she will at the very least support and encourage my involvement which is awesome.
Richter's avatar

Richter · 91 weeks ago

When I rebuilt an engine over the kitchen sink
I knew the ex and I were in trouble when we went to the Grand Canyon and she described it unironically as “just a hole in the ground.”

2 replies · active 91 weeks ago

Huttj509's avatar

Huttj509 · 91 weeks ago

When my family went there, my reaction was basically “It’s pretty, a bit bigger than what I’m used to, but not as magical as the hype has it.”

Then I moved to Indiana, and realized how good scenery-wise I had it back in northern New Mexico, with the Rio Grande gorge literally in my backyard.

Bruceski's avatar

Bruceski · 91 weeks ago

The main thought I remember from the Grand Canyon was at sunrise, when the shadows combined with the size of it killed my brain’s sense of scale and made it look like a cardboard diorama.
Jon's avatar

Jon · 91 weeks ago

When my wife got me a giant book of DC comics art. I want to put it on a pedestal in the living room like some families do to bibles. In turn I gave her a pendant of Mars for her birthday. The look on her face was priceless as she is obsessed with the planet and space in general. As for the new direction I dig it. Reading this comic is like grabbing coffee with good friends.
Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 91 weeks ago

Having a similar sense of humor was the turning point for me. I’d been attracted to men that were funny, but most of them liked to be the center of attention, as if they were constantly on stage performing a set. Then I met someone who thought “I” was funny, would laugh at the odd things I say, and then could join in and throw back his own concoctions to get me going too. Rarely does a day go by when we’re not being silly and joking around.

And it didn’t hurt that on our first official date when I was talking about my favourite science fiction and fantasy authors (at the time) he ran into his boarding house and came out carrying their latest releases!

Aetheling's avatar

Aetheling · 91 weeks ago

Pretty much as soon as I met her!
She’s an English Civil War re-enactor who specifically runs a cannon crew, she shares the same man-crushes as me, listens to dodgy eighties hair metal, and farted at me in the pub on the very first occasion we met.
After that, I knew it was only a matter of time.
Dudeguy's avatar

Dudeguy · 91 weeks ago

I once told my wife that sometimes, on long car trips, I imagined shooting laser beams out of my pinkie finger (since the others were occupied) and blowing up stuff on the side of the road. She looked at me like I was absolutely nuts, shook her head slowly and said “That’s stupid. Everyone knows the index is your laser finger.”
Laura's avatar

Laura · 91 weeks ago

There have been many things with my boyfriend (like when I mentioned that after long gaming sessions, I would get in the car and be disappointed that it wasn’t my epic mount, to which he responded “Yeah, so you keep reaching for the spacebar to jump, and slowly realize you can’t just fly over the other cars…”) but the most recent have been as a result of moving into a new place together. Talking about getting art for the walls and such, he mentioned putting up giant prints of Magic: the Gathering art and I mentioned a series of DC comics based art that caught my eye. We were both thrilled with the other’s choice.

Also, although moving costs have left us strapped for cash, he told me the other day, “So the first time we ordered pizza over here, I tipped the guy really well. $10 on a $30 order. I’ve been tipping similarly well every time since then. Our delivery time has been cut in half.” Priorities, man…. priorities.

My wife got me Pandemic for my last birthday.

We started dating when we were 18, and it wasn’t that I met her so long ago and she still “gets me.” It’s that we got each other when we were 18, then we started to grow up and mature and refine our interests and become more complex people… together. We sort of progressed at the same rate, changed in very similar ways, and through luck stayed compatible though we are both entirely different people that we were when we met.

 

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Highway To The Danger Zone https://hijinksensue.com/comic/highway-to-the-danger-zone/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/highway-to-the-danger-zone/#comments Mon, 16 Sep 2013 23:40:28 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3583

The BIGGEST MERCH SALE I HAVE EVER DONE  ENDS THIS WEEK (9/21/13)! GO NOW to the HE STORE $10 Books! $9 Shirts!  I made you TWO new Breaking Bad Lofi comics over the weekend. Check them out HERE and HERE. “Take my breath awaaayyyyyy… Bum buhhhh, bum buhhhhhh, bum BUHHHHH…” COMMENTERS: WHY DID GOOSE HAVE TO DIEEE!?!?!? […]]]>

The BIGGEST MERCH SALE I HAVE EVER DONE  ENDS THIS WEEK (9/21/13)! GO NOW to the HE STORE $10 Books! $9 Shirts! 

I made you TWO new Breaking Bad Lofi comics over the weekend. Check them out HERE and HERE.

“Take my breath awaaayyyyyy… Bum buhhhh, bum buhhhhhh, bum BUHHHHH…”

COMMENTERS: WHY DID GOOSE HAVE TO DIEEE!?!?!? Wait… no. That’s not the question. Top Gun is a movie that nearly perfectly encapsulates the 80’s. How we talked, how we dressed, the kinds of jets we flew… it’s all there. Which movies do you think can define, or at least explain each decade to someone that didn’t live through them? For the late 90’s, the only correct answer is Hackers.

NOTE: The Mobile Alt Text button broke when I put the big store sale banner in the site. As soon as the sale is over I will put the button back.

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? DNA Necklaces! 

DNA Necklace on Etsy

 

Comments (38)

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ricky's avatar

ricky · 91 weeks ago

Hahaha!!!!
Bruceski's avatar

Bruceski · 91 weeks ago

I think to explain the 80s you just have someone watch a sunset while playing Everybody Wants to Rule the World.

1 reply · active 91 weeks ago

MrPlow99's avatar

MrPlow99 · 91 weeks ago

In a house filled with popcorn
I’ll see your Top Gun and raise you a Desperately Seeking Susan. It’s horrible that it’s so accurate.

Also “Go” for the 90’s

Dean's avatar

Dean · 91 weeks ago

<i.Strange Days</i>. It captures late-90s technofear and pre-millenial angst perfectly.
thank you so much. I hope they seem more real because that is my intent and it’s not just some grand accident.
You’re spot on. I think it encapsulates exactly what it was like just before social tech changed essentially everything about how we interacted with the world and the people in it.
Oughts. I call it the Oughts.
I dont know if I can get on board with this. Swingers captured a type of behavior that I have never seen an actual human exhibit. It might be a good movie from the 90’s but is it a great movie ABOUT the 90’s? I’d counter with “Singles” and “Reality Bites.”
HikingViking's avatar

HikingViking · 91 weeks ago

It’s interesting – now that I live in Seattle, I could totally see Singles being a staple movie of the 90’s. Actually, the Seattle-impression from that movie was what attracted me to move up here in the first place. But growing up in Southern California, I can vouch that many, many people acted EXACTLY like the characters in Swingers.
That_guy's avatar

That_guy · 91 weeks ago

Empire Records

It’s a bunch of emo teens saving a record store run by a guy who would have had to accomplish something to be washed up.

Also, I still like it.

1 reply · active 91 weeks ago

This is my wife’s favorite teen-times movie and yes, you are correct that it bleeds the 90’s from every pore.
nenslo's avatar

nenslo · 91 weeks ago

Surely Clerks for the 90s? Whiny, narcissistic, unsure where to go or what the future holds. Dante Hicks is the human race in one perfectly encapsulated arsehole.

80s, I’d go with Big Trouble in Little China (mainly because I still don’t know what that movie is about and I have similar feelings about the 80s in general); early 00s I’d go with Suckerpunch, because we all got taken to mental wards/brothels and then fantasised about killing steampunk Nazis with Gatling guns… obviously.

2 replies · active 91 weeks ago

See if you can follow me on this line of logic (since Im not sure that it makes sense), but to me Clerks in a quintessential 90’s movie not because it was INFORMED BY 90’s culture, but because of it’s own influence on the way we spoke, dressed, and the affect it had on movies to follow. In that respect, I would not say it’s very representative of what living through the 90’s was actually like.
nenslo's avatar

nenslo · 91 weeks ago

I see where you’re coming from and maybe it is a case of hindsight but to be so spot on, surely it must be informed of current culture (at the time) otherwise it wouldn’t have hit home in quite the same way. I absolutely agree with you that it affected cinema since its release but as a definition of 90s, the zeitgeist, the angst and apathy (although this could be a regional thing) then I think it’s spot on.

Personally, I love Clerks and Dante always reminds me of myself and how I felt after leaving university.

Aetheling's avatar

Aetheling · 91 weeks ago

I think the Matrix sums up the late nineties and early two thousands (I hate the term noughties). The whole thing about rebellion against a system certainly influenced me and my friends. That, and all the cool clothes. (to an extent, I’ve always thought of the Matrix as a tipping point when people really started to ask questions about government in the modern age and it’s been steadily fermenting from 1999 onwards.)
I dont think he would like it, since it’s cheap mexican beer with a fake german name.
The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 91 weeks ago

It sounds more like something directly marketed to straight frats in college towns who need to get drunk to have man-on-man sex. ..
…before they come out 20 years later after decades of hitting on me when “the wife is out of town”.
For the 80’s “Wall Street”. 😉

For the 90’s just a photograph of Sandra Bullock. She was in almost every movie that decade.

bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2 · 91 weeks ago

For the 80s, “The Breakfast Club”–at least as a microcosm of white teenage suburbia.
Dave's avatar

Dave · 91 weeks ago

For the past few comics, I have noticed that the radio button to reveal the hover text is gone. Now I can’t see the hover text when I am using my iPad to access the site. That makes me a sad Mac.

1 reply · active 91 weeks ago

If you read the note at the end of the commentary section, it mentions that that button is currently borked, but will return to service soon.
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 91 weeks ago

I kinda think the best movie to sum up the ’80s is actually “Hot Tub Time Machine.”
Complete with a whiny John Cusack. And sex, drugs and booze. And skiing. And “violent” preppies.

2 replies · active 91 weeks ago

But it wasn’t made in the 80s
MrPlow99's avatar

MrPlow99 · 91 weeks ago

Yeah… if we’re going to allow movies made more recently but set in the 80s, I would nominate The Wedding Singer.
Steve's avatar

Steve · 91 weeks ago

Because if Goose didn’t die, we wouldn’t get Deadmeat jokes for Hot Shots. Not to mention Washout. Goose died for better humor.

1 reply · active 91 weeks ago

lou's avatar

lou · 91 weeks ago

So, it was worth it, right?
90percentgeek's avatar

90percentgeek · 91 weeks ago

I think you can define decades by their horror movies (but then I am currently involved in watching a horror movie marathon). So 80s the Friday the 13th saga, 90s the Scream saga, 00s The Ring. I can’t wait to see what this decades defining horror movie will be.

1 reply · active 91 weeks ago

VERY interesting idea. Scream is almost the perfect 90’s movie. It’s jaded with it’s own genre. That’s the 90’s in a nutshell.
jiynx's avatar

jiynx · 91 weeks ago

you and wheaton need to get together to make brobrau a thing.

 

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Batfleck https://hijinksensue.com/comic/batfleck/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/batfleck/#respond Tue, 27 Aug 2013 05:28:52 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3553

While in Toronto last weekend, I only had internet access late and night and early in the morning. I went to the con on Thursday and lived my life in this weird information void where news could only be transmitted from human to human, or Canadian to human directly. With words. Actual mouth words. It […]]]>

While in Toronto last weekend, I only had internet access late and night and early in the morning. I went to the con on Thursday and lived my life in this weird information void where news could only be transmitted from human to human, or Canadian to human directly. With words. Actual mouth words. It was a slow and cumbersome analog form of communication that allowed WAY more than 140 characters. Still, not a single Internet wielding Canadian saw fit to fill me in on the day’s significant development in the world of cinematic geekery. When I got back to Andrew’s house that night I connected with his wifi, exhaled in a way that felt as if I had been holding my breath for 12 hours and asked Twitter if anything happened while I was gone.

The news poured out of my phone like a tsunami of nerd rage. “AFFLECK IS BATMAN!!! WHAT DOES ANYTHING EVEN MEAN ANYMORE?! DO WE STILL HAVE A GOVERNMENT?! A WORLD?! CAN MATT DAMON BE NIGHTWING BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE PRETTY SWEET?!?!” I popped out a few sarcastically outraged tweets (which, come the next morning, would have gained some popularity), and went to bed fairly confident that this casting revelation was, in several words, extremely very bad news.

Over the next couple of days I saw a ton of hate online directed toward Batfleck. “He’s going to ruin Batman like he ruined Daredevil!” “Ben Affleck is great in somethings and bad in others! How can he Batman if not perfect always!?”  “Gigli was a movie that made me throw up with anger and he was in that movie and he didn’t help me clean up the throw up!” A pattern was becoming apparent. The reactions all smelled of nerd fear. Nerd fear is different than nerd rage. Nerd fear comes from a place of hurt. Of past betrayal. Batman movies have been unkind to nerds (and humanity in general) in the past, and nerds were afraid again that Batman (a character who has been elevated via cinema over the last almost-decade) was about to betray them again.

My initial, honest, snark free reaction was, “It’s Bat-Clooney all over again! This guy is Hollywood royalty, he LOOKS just like Bruce Wayne ought to look and he has NO BUSINESS playing the ACTUAL Batman.” Then I realized that this Batman movie was ACTUALLY a Superman movie. More accurately a sequel to Man of Steel. A movie that was pretty god damn terrible, all things considered. Those things being !!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!  the story, the completely unnecessary way Pa Kent dies, the desolation of Metropolis at the hands of Superman himself, the character assassination of Superman at the hands of Superman himself in that he used those hands to assassinate Zod and toss his entire what-Superman-is-all-about deal out the window, the fact that America and the world do not consider him an uncontrollable threat and banish him from Earth at the end, the story, the writing, the story… I could go on. !!!END SPOILERS!!!

Affleck might actually be the best possible thing to happen to a Superman franchise that, so far, has left me hating their Superman. And Bryan Cranston as Lex Luthor? This is a performance I have got to see. Talk about being in the “empire business.”

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? MOTHER EFFING LIGHTSABRE NECKLACES AND EARRINGS! 

lightsaber necklace and earrings

COMMENTERS: How do you feel about the Batfleck casting? If not him, then who? Well, OF COURSE Jon Hamm, but who else? Just Jon Hamm? Really? Ok, you’re right. He should ALSO play Superman because he should have all along, you say? Man, you are a smart person.

Comments (9)

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I could see Patrick Wilson doing a bang up job as the caped crusader.
I thought Michael Keaton was an awful choice to play a superhero but once he was covered in the bat suit, it was fine. And I enjoyed him in both movies.
So Ben can be the next Batman. If he stinks, they’ll be plenty more Batman’s to come! 😉

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

dralou's avatar

dralou · 94 weeks ago

My thoughts exactly. And if it ends up being Bat-Clooney all over again, well. At least we will be laughing. Don’t let the bad movies hurt your fan-feelings, it’s not healthy.
With the understanding that this is a Superman movie, not a Batman movie, Bats is going to be a supporting player. Or not: they apparently haven’t written the script yet.
Diggy's avatar

Diggy · 94 weeks ago

It is the Batman/ Bond law of casting: fans are pessimistic whiny-pantses about the choice, until the movie comes out and everyone has a joygasm.
JonS253's avatar

JonS253 · 94 weeks ago

I still remember the tsunami of rage when Heath Ledger was announced as the Joker. No teen heartthrob could possibly portray the Clown Prince of Crime!!

Except then he turned in (IMO) the very best live-action Joker *ever*. (I haven’t yet decided if Ledger’s Joker was better than the animated Joker voiced by Mark Hamill, speaking of people you never would have guessed would be excellent in a role.)

Tree-Vor's avatar

Tree-Vor · 94 weeks ago

Personally I don’t really care all that much about the batfleck casting. While Batman and associated characters are in my opinion the best thing DC has going for it, I’ve yet to be impressed by a single DC movie. I’m sure I’ll earn allot of hate points for this but I’m not even a fan of the BatBale movies, I’ll spare you the details but basically my feelings on them is “meh no need to watch that again”. Ben Afleck is a decent actor with the right direction and I doubt he’ll do any harm to the movie. I’m more concern with it being directed by Zack Snyder because in my opinion his movies have good visuals but that’s about it. I’m sure plenty of people will disagree with me and that is perfectly fine and you have every right to do so but that just my opinion.
lttlsqrl's avatar

lttlsqrl · 94 weeks ago

To completely ignore batfleck, I hope that a Batman Beyond movie with Old Bruce played by a now old Micheal Keaton is a possibility.
When I got back to Andrew’s house that night I connected with his wifi, exhaled in a way that felt as if I had been holding my breath for 12 hours and asked Twitter if anything happened while I was gone.
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Toronto Fan Expo 2013 Fancy Sketches https://hijinksensue.com/comic/toronto-fan-expo-2013-fancy-sketches/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/toronto-fan-expo-2013-fancy-sketches/#respond Tue, 27 Aug 2013 01:10:04 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3550

Soory I had a good time in Toronto, eh? I accomplished all of my goals. I attended Fan Expo and spoke to some nice northern Fancy Bastards, I ate 100% of Toronto’s meat supply at Korean Grill House (my actual favorite restaurant in all of the world), I wrote a musical about meat during that meal […]]]>

Soory I had a good time in Toronto, eh? I accomplished all of my goals. I attended Fan Expo and spoke to some nice northern Fancy Bastards, I ate 100% of Toronto’s meat supply at Korean Grill House (my actual favorite restaurant in all of the world), I wrote a musical about meat during that meal (much to the chagrin of my co-dining cartoonist friends), and I attended the Banana Bar Crawl (more on that in a second).

Big big thanks to Andrew of I Am ARG and Paul “Leftovers” Westover for hosting me for my Canadian Weekend. Additional thanks to the all the Torontonian(?) Fancy Bastards who came out to say hi and to the Cyanide and Happiness fans that I did sketches for.

Here are a few more things I drew at Fan Expo: A couple of D&D characters, a fractal penis (probably too sexy for work) and a photo comic I made this morning about David Willis on my phone from a plane that was trying to take off.

About that Banana Bar Crawl… I REALLY don’t like bar crawls. I like nice quiet evenings with friends. If we find a good bar with a good atmosphere and a good volume level, I like to stay there until everyone has drank 100 drinks, laughed 1000 laughs and fallen down into a pile on the floor which has to be pushed into the gutter with a large-ish broom. The Cyanide and Happiness fellows have been trying to drag me to the annual Dallas Banana Bar Crawl for years. Since they decided to have on in Toronto, and seeing as how I was trapped there, AND on the condition that they pay for all of my drinks, I agreed to 1) come along and 2) complain a little less.

Guys… oh man, guys… it was a fun time. I stepped out of my comfort zone and partied with my friends and about 200 weirdos in banana suits across 3 or 4 bars in Toronto and I had an amazing time. If you are in Dallas or Toronto and you are not swayed by my words, BE SWAYED AS ALL HELL BY THIS VIDEO EVIDENCE OF FUN TIMES! 

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? MOTHER EFFING LIGHTSABRE NECKLACES AND EARRINGS! 

lightsaber necklace and earrings

COMMENTERS: When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone, tried something you thought you’d hate and actually loved it?

Comments (15)

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Never. My comfort zone is freaking AWESOME!
Dio's avatar

Dio · 94 weeks ago

Wow, those lightsaber necklaces are cool! Does your wife make them for boys, too?

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

if all you need is a longer chain just message her through etsy
4 lights is amazing!
my costume was accidentally left at the booth. my blessing and my curse.
I’m a bit confused on the Batman one… Why is he gloating to Supes about bagging the Joker

2 replies · active 94 weeks ago

seriously's avatar

seriously · 94 weeks ago

Maybe he’s gloating, because Batman’s archenemy can’t carry around a little green rock that turns him into a pussy like Superman’s can?
Allen's avatar

Allen · 94 weeks ago

It’s a reference to Good Will Hunting. (Matt Damon and, most importantly in this case, Ben Affleck were in it and wrote the screenplay.)
Gumbules's avatar

Gumbules · 94 weeks ago

Totally agree with tzeentchling. “There are 4 lights!” is brilliant!
zathael's avatar

zathael · 94 weeks ago

Never. My comfort zone is surrounded by cement fortifications and razorwire. The Guards on the towers have sniper rifles and have standing orders to shoot to kill.
Allen's avatar

Allen · 94 weeks ago

Is it just that imagines that restaurant as the one Supes and Bats hang out in in the How It Should Have Ended videos?

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

Leshka's avatar

Leshka · 94 weeks ago

I thought so as well. Of course, he wasn’t saying “Because I’m Batman” so maybe not.
Well…I used to be a fairly distant sort and didn’t like being touched.

Then I decided to go to massage school because I wanted to heal people, and it turned out to be a pretty awesome decision.

neph sy's avatar

neph sy · 94 weeks ago

Hey, I noticed that Hijinks Ensue joined in with other comics like Girls with Slingshots, Eerie Cuties, etc.(through Hiveworks??)
Just wanted you to know that when I click on the Hijinks drawing, the LINK ISN’T WORKING to HijinksEnsue.
Google Chrome message is Oops Google Chrome could not find http. Did you mean Hijinksensue.com (this is a link that connect to your site).

Firefox message is: Firefox can’t find the server at http.

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Wheaton Comic Dare: Something Something Shark Vagina https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-something-something-shark-vagina/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-something-something-shark-vagina/#respond Thu, 01 Aug 2013 09:15:08 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3510

Guys, it’s never happened before and I pray it never happens again, but today Wil Wheaton issued a DOUBLE COMIC DARE based on this twitter conversation (and later this one) to both to me and Lar deSouza. Somehow I survived this challenge of will and the results of my dare acceptance are above. Lar’s (which […]]]>

Guys, it’s never happened before and I pray it never happens again, but today Wil Wheaton issued a DOUBLE COMIC DARE based on this twitter conversation (and later this one) to both to me and Lar deSouza.

Somehow I survived this challenge of will and the results of my dare acceptance are above. Lar’s (which are VERY NSFW and honestly NSFANYONE) are here and here. Oh, did I forget to mention to have a gallon of eye bleach at the ready? Sorry. [More Wheaton Comic Dares HERE]

The 2013 DIGITAL FANCY SKETCH DRIVE is on like… a not off thing! I’m running low on money-style funds (like I usually do this time of year), so for $20 I will draw you just about anything (within reason). Check out the details and order yours HERE.

hijinks-ensue-digital-sketch-drive-07-13

ANOTHER THING YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT! In addition to having her own photo restoration business, my wife has also started making super cool, ultra geeky jewelry on Etsy. You can see her Tetris necklace below and more geeky creations in her shop! 

tetris-necklace

 

Comments (13)

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Nathan deGargoyle's avatar

Nathan deGargoyle · 97 weeks ago

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHGGGGGHHHHH!
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 98 weeks ago

Hmmm…. needs more cowbell.
Hotsauce's avatar

Hotsauce · 98 weeks ago

I have a friend, who has a tattoo. It was inspired by a cactus she had, the she felt looked just like an octopus. She calls it Cactopus. Except, she pronounces that ‘a’ like you would pronounce the ‘o’ in octopus. The mind reels.

1 reply · active 98 weeks ago

I’m going to have to insist that the producers of “Sharknado 2” include a scene of old Henry Winkler jumping his motorcycle over the sharknado.
PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 98 weeks ago

THAT NECKLACE! Amazing. I may have to get off my butt and actually work on my idea for a Katamari necklace (I have the beads, just haven’t tackled it yet).

Definitely getting off my butt to get a Tetris necklace, though. Brilliant!

Tagline: “This is one button you DON’T want to push”
Mousr's avatar

Mousr · 98 weeks ago

I love the tetris necklace, and showed the picture to my wife to ask if she would want to wear one. She said it was lovely, but no she would not, because it would always bother her that the bottom row hadn’t disappeared.

1 reply · active 97 weeks ago

Count the columns. 9 Instead of 10. The 10th column is empty.
safetyfirstkids's avatar

safetyfirstkids · 98 weeks ago

Clearly the answer to this problem is MEGALODONG VS CEPHALOPUSSY..
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Absolution Fabulous https://hijinksensue.com/comic/absolution-fabulous/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/absolution-fabulous/#comments Mon, 29 Jul 2013 12:12:12 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3505

I was talking to some friends at SDCC, as we walked past the giant Ender’s Game Experience dome where I assume children put on the Sorting Space Helmet and are divided into the houses of Griffindead, Slacerated, Ravenclinging Onto Dear Life, and Hufflepunted Directing Into The Gaping Maw Of The Alien War Machine, about the […]]]>

I was talking to some friends at SDCC, as we walked past the giant Ender’s Game Experience dome where I assume children put on the Sorting Space Helmet and are divided into the houses of Griffindead, Slacerated, Ravenclinging Onto Dear Life, and Hufflepunted Directing Into The Gaping Maw Of The Alien War Machine, about the whether or not spending money to see Ender’s Game constituted supporting a known, vocal and proud homophobe. The problem with the situation is that Orson Scott Card has already been paid for his efforts by the studio. Not seeing the movie in theaters would only effect the studio’s bottom line, not his (unless he has some sort of backend deal, which authors typically do not unless they are J.K. Rowling). But not seeing the movie in the theaters might also serve to send a message to Hollywood that making movies with hate mongers is bad business. Then again, I DO like space movies where things in space get blowed up in space. Morality is hard sometimes.

COMMENTERS: Following up on a previous discussion, should we always separate the views of the creator from our enjoyment of the creation? If some despicable shitwaste like Donald Trump accidentally cured AIDS, would we NOT use said cure on principle alone? Is there a creator whose worked you were no longer able to enjoy after learning they were a giant dick? Is there one whose work you love so much, you have to pretend they don’t exist in order to continue your enjoyment?

Comments (222)

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It’s a really tough decision and I think it varies from person to person and creator to creator. For me it depends on how terrible they are, if it seeps into their work, and who you’re hurting by not supporting them. I probably won’t buy/see in theaters another Mel Gibson film because I’m not a huge fan and he seems really really hate-filled. I’m not buying anything more from Frank Miller because not only is he filled with hate, but his hateful opinions seep into pretty much all of his works(see Holy Terror). I’ll probably see the Ender’s Game movie because I agree with this article: http://chezapocalypse.com/why-i-wont-boycott-ende… that it’s supporting more people that are good and desperately need that support than Orson Scott Card, and it seems everyone at Lion’s Gate wants to like his work despite how awful he is.

I think with some things you can separate the creator from the creation, but it’s also about willfully supporting a detestable human being. And I really don’t know if Boycotts work to change bigots’ minds, but it is a deep personal decision not to willfully give them any of your money.

A despicable shitwaste like Trump would mark up the cost of the cure for AIDS by 500%, so there’s that.

I will see Ender’s Game guilt free. By paying for another movie at the cineplex and walking in on it.

And also, the last panel?? Awesome. You look good in a pornstache. Now squeal for me.

3 replies · active 98 weeks ago

Fortunately I’m not a huge EG fan anyway – it’s a great short story padded out to novel length with a bunch of precious “lookit me, I’m world-building” wank, full of child characters who act nothing like children. I wouldn’t be terribly interested in the movie even if OSC *wasn’t* a despicable human being.
Trudy's avatar

Trudy · 98 weeks ago

Card is also a producer on the film, which means he will make more moeny the more tickets are sold. There’s also the possibility of a franchise, with more of his books turned into films.

Card is more than a raving homophobe. He was on NOM’s board for a long time, he’s donated a lot of money to fight marriage equality, and he’s said that gays should be imprisoned just for being gay, as that would ‘send a message’.
This is a dispickable man who should be shunned, not rewarded with movie deals.

I suggest if one absolutely must watch Ender’s Game (but why?!? the trailer was a borefest), there are ways to do so without giving Card or Lionsgate any money.

6 replies · active 98 weeks ago

Good to know. In all honesty I will probably wait until the DVD/BR release and torrent it out of curiosity.
Thank you for mentioning that OSC is a producer, so he’s getting a cut of the box office, not just the up-front rights fee.

As far as I can tell, OSC only just resigned from NOM’s board this year as the Ender’s Game movie boycott shitstorm started landing. Up until that point, he certainly was acting as one of the public faces of that organization. He was also one of the driving forces in getting the LDS Church to publicly oppose California Prop 8.

And just for shits and grins, his “okay, you won, please spend money on my books & movie” “apology” statement after the SCOTUS decisions last month was nothing of the sort:

“Ender’s Game is set more than a century in the future and has nothing to do with political issues that did not exist when the book was written in 1984. With the recent Supreme Court ruling, the gay marriage issue becomes moot. The Full Faith and Credit clause of the Constitution will, sooner or later, give legal force in every state to any marriage contract recognized by any other state. Now it will be interesting to see whether the victorious proponents of gay marriage will show tolerance toward those who disagreed with them when the issue was still in dispute.”

Therefore we should all just forget all the disgusting stuff that comes out of his mouth and give him our money.

Um, no. While I’m interested in seeing the film, and the studio, the cast, and the rest of the crew have distanced themselves from OSC, I’m not interested in OSC getting a cut of my ticket price or BR purchase. I stopped eating at Chik-Fil-A (despite their tasty chicken sandwiches & waffle fries) for much the same reason. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things if little ol’ me spend my money elsewhere? Probably not. If I was to be honest, it’s really just for my own satisfaction that I’m not indirectly supporting something I find abhorrent with my purchases.

The rest of the production, including the cast, had to have known this might blow up in their face at some point. The property lingered in Development Hell long enough for OSC’s socio-political positions to become well-known. And Lionsgate is taking some steps in a positive direction. But OSC is still listed as a producer, and thus he’s still going to get a percentage of the sales.

“With the recent Supreme Court ruling, the gay marriage issue becomes moot. … Now it will be interesting to see whether the victorious proponents of gay marriage will show tolerance toward those who disagreed with them when the issue was still in dispute.”

This is like saying “Oh we won WWII, so the issue of genocide is now moot and we can all start going to Nazi bake sales again.”

I for one will not be spending any money on seeing this film.

Exactly. OSC is also operating under the illusion (or is that delusion?) that LGBT equality issues didn’t exist prior to the last few years and magically popped into being sometime during the late Bush 43 administration.
Generic Babbling's avatar

Generic Babbling · 98 weeks ago

Um, No it’s nothing like that. Can we please stop comparing things to WWII, and Nazis?
OSC expressing offensive, bigoted and discriminatory opinions, and supporting the political advancement of those opinions is NOTHING like mass murder and attempted genocide.

By not drawing a distinction between expressing of IDEAS and the committing of real ACTIONS as severe as mass murder, you are completely invalidating your own opinion.

There is a big difference between tolerating others opinions, and their right to politically pursue those opinions (even if those opinions are WRONG, backwards and despicable). And of someone committing mass murder.

Look at this basic situation but scaled back. If some guy who had a job as manager of of your local dairy-queen had these same opinions, member of the same political activist groups, and gave an equal % of his savings to support the “cause”, would you refuse to go to Dairy-Queen any more? would you try to send a message to the DQ corporation that they shouldn’t employ people with his beliefs, would you basically say that NO ONE should give this person any jobs/pay him for anything, based on his personal opinions? Even when those opinions in no way show in his “work”, only outside of it.

I’m not defending OSC’s douch’baggery at all, I’m just trying to give some perspective.
If you think no studio should work with him based on his personal opinions OUTSIDE of his work. Then that standard should apply to ANY company working with ANY person with offensive outspoken beliefs. Which means every one should be screened for all their person ideas before they are allowed to be employed, because you wouldn’t want to accidentally financially support someone you disagree with.

The book/movie in question isn’t related to or influenced by this issue, the studio isn’t supporting/agreeing with it (they are actually using it to benefit the LGBT cause, which is an even better spit in OSC’s face then boycotting in my opinion), so your ticket money isn’t in any way supporting those ideas.
So one jackass profits off the project, but he be forbidden to ever work again because he’s personally a bigot?

Free speech works both ways, you can’t support peoples right to say and politically support their ideas, UNLESS those ideas are offensive to us, in which case they should be ostracized for their opinions and never work again.

If the “product” isn’t influenced by the offensive ideas, and the “brand/manufacture” doesn’t officially support it, and profits from “sales” aren’t being used to promote the ideas, then your money isn’t supporting it in any way either.
Avoiding a “product” because one of the people involved in creating it is personally a bastard, is an impossible goal. Because I guarantee that right now you’re using/wearing/eating/etc some item that the sales of which profited some jackass twice as bad as OSC, and who misuses his money even worse, only difference is this un-named bastard isn’t famous enough for you to know about it.

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 98 weeks ago

“OSC expressing offensive, bigoted and discriminatory opinions, and supporting the political advancement of those opinions is NOTHING like mass murder and attempted genocide.
By not drawing a distinction between expressing of IDEAS and the committing of real ACTIONS as severe as mass murder, you are completely invalidating your own opinion.”

So, let’s do that…how long does it take between the IDEA becoming the ACTION?
Ask Matthew Sheppard. Ask George Zimmerman. Ask MLK.

While I’m not going as hyperbolic as a Hitler reference, what exactly do you think someone such as OSC does with his free time/extra cash?
Why, he uses it to promote his agenda of wanting someone like me in jail, a concentration camp (this is a precept of homophobes), or just flat out dead.

I’m big into sci-fi, but never read his stuff. Quite frankly, think whatever you want about whomever you like…that’s an IDEA.
Once you open your mouth, put finger to trigger, word to pen/computer, etc. then it becomes actions.
While I respect almost all of the people who were overall involved in the creation of the film, I can choose to not pay to see it. I do so without much fuss beyond this comment here.

Perhaps you or someone else wish I would drop dead, etc. too. Good for you. I also have my prejudices, but I work to keep them to myself and not let them out where they would affect others. Unlike some people.

lauren's avatar

lauren · 98 weeks ago

all the actors, the director and producer were asked their views on gays and marriage equality at SDCC, and all are very much for gay rights. The book itself, like almost all of Orson Scott Card’s work, doesn’t even have gay characters. In his work he pretty much glosses over them even existing. and his severely anti gay views only seemed to emerge in the last decade or so. If his work itself had a strong anti gay subtext I could understand boycotting the movie, but it doesn’t. It is instead very much a labor of love by people who really enjoyed the source material. He is still one of my favorite authors, not only with the Enders Game series, but with amazing novels Like Pastwatch: the Redemption of Christopher Columbus and Treason, and I am also very much in favor of gay rights and marriage equality. I don’t really like OSC as a person, and I would probably actively try to NOT meet him in person, as there would be good chance I would just yell at him, but I will be lining up to see Ender’s Game.

4 replies · active 97 weeks ago

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 98 weeks ago

And if you want to see it, please go and see it. It’s totally up to you.

Sadly, what you wrote reminds me of Star Trek and gays…can you count how many canon references there are to homosexual men in it, after nearly 50 years? Zilch.
There are some good lesbian scenes, for reasons that I’m sure would be delightful to talk about.
There’s also some “stories” about how ol’ Gene liked the gays, wanted some gays in, and there’s some retconning/addition of gays into the novels and such, just as there’s stories about the studio execs vetoing anything that would be remotely referring to gay men.

But, point blank, gay men don’t exist in the age of Trek broadcast/film trek. It’s very much a hetero world…and that’s just the way it is. Do people hate it because of that? Is it lacking because of that?
I’m still a Trekker and have been since I was born, and I doubt that will ever change unless Trek gets Lucas’d.
But what is, is.

Read “Section 31” by Andy Mangels. It’s a Star Trek: TNG novel about a gay Starfleet member, written by a gay comic book author.

Signed, a fellow gay Trekkie.

lauren's avatar

lauren · 97 weeks ago

that tends to true for much of sci fi and fantasy, especially before the 90’s, and it is true of lots of media primarily created by straight males. people of my parents generation didn’t know many gay people, as many of that generation were reluctant to come out of the closet. shift to now, where one of my best friends in high school came out at age 15 (he’s also built like a linebacker, so not too many people would have tried to mess with him). as social perceptions change so does media. it wasn’t until Torchwood that there was a non completely straight lead in a sci fi show.
lauren's avatar

lauren · 97 weeks ago

also I find John Phillips creepy incest rape and the aforementioned Polanski rape of a 13 year old (not just statutory, he actually drugged her and forcibly raped her). many people in Hollywood came to his defense, and he has since won an Oscar. I was never a Chris Brown fan, but I did find the support given to him at the Grammys, 3 years after brutally assaulting Rihanna really sick. There are a great many celebrities who have done many terrible things, like Sean Penn tying up and beating the crap out of Madonna when they were married. He is also very outspoken in favor of gay rights. I personally afford more thought to actions than views, and while I don’t like hate mongering getting bankrolled, I feel less comfortable enjoying works of art, music, books and film that were created by rapists and the like. It is obviously different for everyone, and I am sure that as a woman I am more sensitive to being able to enjoy a work created by a rapist, just like a gay person would have trouble enjoying work by someone who actively hates what they are, even if said work doesn’t include those views in any way.
That trailer looks pretty cool. Im intrigued.
GrendelVS's avatar

GrendelVS · 98 weeks ago

Answering Joel’s question: Card is one of the authors whose work I enjoy less now that I know what kind of person he really is. I find this quote helpful in dealing with the cognitive dissonance of an author who is a shit.

“There is a technical, literary term for those who mistake the opinions and beliefs of characters in a novel for those of the author. The term is ‘idiot.'” – SM Stirling

I believe in “Live and let live”. (As long as you aren’t harming others) If you chose to try and stop someone from doing what comes naturally (again, without harming others), then you deserve all negative things that come your way. You brought it on yourself.

If you want to see this movie, then go see the movie.
If you’d rather make a statement, then don’t see this movie.

You just need to decide in advance if you want to be an activist over this topic or not.

1 reply · active 98 weeks ago

The problem with boycotting Ender’s Game is actually the same as the benefit from it: low ticket sales. Sure, Card et al. won’t get more money. But if you think Hollywood will learn from it that working with bigots doesn’t pay, you’re putting far too much faith in them. No, I guarantee that the lesson they’ll “learn” is that people don’t want big-budget, well-crafted, space-based sci-fi movies. And as someone who happens to be a fan of just such things, that’s sort of the opposite of what I want them to take away from this experience.

1 reply · active 97 weeks ago

In past discussions of this issue, this is how I have thought this will all shake out.
Conversely, I have trouble imagining that, if the movie does well, people will translate that into “OSC must be right about gays.” That seems like a little too big a leap.
Cecil0812's avatar

Cecil0812 · 98 weeks ago

Personally, I agree with your second statement: Card already got his money, but you need to send a message to Hollywood that they shouldn’t work with shitwastes.
Dave's avatar

Dave · 98 weeks ago

Scott Kurtz is the one case where I couldn’t separate art from artist. After meeting him several times, and seeing him in action when I was a volunteer at SDCC.. I found I couldn’t enjoy his work anymore.

Which is going to take a little explaining. OSC is far far FAR worse of a human being. I still appreciate Ender’s Game and the sequels as works of art, but I refuse to spend another dime on them because I can’t allow my money to work its way to hate groups. Kurtz isn’t anywhere near this evil; he’s just a prick.

I think it comes down to how personal webcomics are when compared to novels, and how little of OSC’s voice is actually in his work. Most webcomics are combined with a blog of sorts. The art inherently includes a direct interaction with the artist. One of the very best things about HE (your secret genius move IMO) is this ‘question for the group’ you pose with each comic. There is just a far greater personal connection between the creator’s ACTUAL self and their audience in webcomics. So when it turns out that part of reading your comic involves interaction with a blustering fronting cockbite (Kurtz) it really kills the fun.

Card is almost the complete opposite. There are BEAUTIFUL messages in his books… which are so incredibly opposite his actual beliefs I get brain cramps trying to understand how these messages about empathy and understanding for even your most hated enemies could come from such an evil person. His books are great sci fi because they CAN exist in a vacuum where his opinions don’t exist.

That said I just can’t fund his causes. When people ask me about Ender I suggest that they read the books, but only if they borrow them from someone or a library.

3 replies · active 98 weeks ago

….

my council advises me to…

….

no comment.

groklife's avatar

groklife · 98 weeks ago

“I think it comes down to how personal webcomics are when compared to novels, and how little of OSC’s voice is actually in his work. Most webcomics are combined with a blog of sorts. The art inherently includes a direct interaction with the artist. One of the very best things about HE (your secret genius move IMO) is this ‘question for the group’ you pose with each comic. There is just a far greater personal connection between the creator’s ACTUAL self and their audience in webcomics.”

I think this is a great point. I don’t know Kurtz, but I do read his stuff.
I really do like the way that you, Joel, invite us to discuss what you are talking about every time you post. And invite us to your FB group. It’s a very personable thing you do, whether I agree with you on a particular issue or not. And you are able to have a discussion without it dissolving into an argument, something I truly respect.

Thanks for doing what you do.

That’s very kind. Thank you.
Kyrinthic's avatar

Kyrinthic · 98 weeks ago

I will start by saying I fully plan to go see this movie, maybe even more than once. I will also state unequivocally that I am completely for gay rights, and have always supported the equality in general.

He has long been my favorite author, every book I have read by the man has been good, I have never gotten any anti-gay sentiment from any of his works, or really any bad messages to speak of.

It has become clear that the man has several core beliefs that differ from mine, likely due to his very strong Mormon religious background. I stand fully by his right to have these opinions, as that is the very foundation of our society. If people were crucified for having different beliefs, there wouldn’t even be a gay movement. He has not done anything illegal or even amoral really. I have read (past the one or two lines quoted all over) the full context of his arguments, and while I disagree with them, I respect that his view does have more depth than most.

The very idea that so many people who actively preach for tolerance and equality would so thoroughly vilify the man boggles me. There are so many more vile and uneducated anti-gay proponents, yet I read more crap against Card then Westboro, its insane.

So you can follow the herd and pretend boycotting the movie will somehow make a man change his religion for you, or you can just enjoy an adaption of an amazing story and get over your self-righteous crap. I’ll be in the latter camp.

18 replies · active 22 weeks ago

That Guy's avatar

That Guy · 98 weeks ago

Basically you’re saying that his opinion makes him a bigot period. That your opinion is the only and true right opinion God-given. Cute. Heaven forbid someone have a different opinion and NOT be Satan-incarnate. You have the truth. We must all bow and obey.

Grow up and practice some of that acceptance stuff you preach. Maybe he advocates against you, and you advocate against him, whose the saint now, both hands are dirty. Honestly who cares. The man is entitled to his own opinion, and his books (which freaking rock I think) do not depict that opinion.

Seriously, I have to agree with the original comment here, boycotting this movie serves no purpose, it’s not like Card is waiting on box office money to funnel it into more anti-gay pamphlets that no one reads anyways.

One thing I’ve noticed and that Card has noticed, is that all this anti vs anti is coming to a head in this country. He wrote a book and a sequel on it. Go read Empire by OSC, it’s one of his newer books based on right vs left civil war. Even then it doesn’t turn into as big of a whine-storm about gay marriage or something in the book, and that’s the premise of the book.

Dislike a man for his views, but like someone else posted, just because he has those opinions, don’t mean his books do.

Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

Just to throw a stick of dynamite into this slug fest I think it’s worth pointing out that the definition of bigot also applies to the people who hate the anti-gay groups; “or” is the key word here.

Hate is slung by one group and the other retaliates with more hatred. Therefore, by definition, both the pro-gay and anti-gay groups are bigots.

Isn’t language fun? 😀

Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

I’m not making anything up. Here, I’ll even grab the full definition that the original provider so conveniently edited.

“a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially : one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance.”
(Source: Webster’s Dictionary)

If we adhere to the strict, and wide casting, definition of “bigot”, then both groups fall into said definition. Orson and his ilk hate the gays for being gay, and the gays hate Orson for hating them. Because “or” sits there between the words hatred and intolerance then it is denoting that to be a bigot it is not required a person both hate and be intolerant of a group.

It is abundantly clear here that the people choosing to boycott EG are doing so out of hatred for Orson and his views, and that the ultimate goal of this protest is to show that they will not tolerate people with views like him having successful careers. In this regard, and instance, the individuals boycotting Orson’s work fall squarely into the provided definition of Bigot as provided above.

Orson, and his allies in the anti-gay groups, are bigots in every sense of the definition.

If you are a supporter of this boycott or the pro-gay movement, then by definition you are also a bigot.

Again, isn’t language fun? 😀

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

…You’re arguing that not being a bigot makes me a bigot because I’m bigoted against bigotry.

You’re LITERALLY stating that NOT hating a minority group makes me a bigot. Being the very definition of not being a bigot makes me a bigot. You’ve attempted to twist the meaning of “bigot” to cover bigots, but you’ve made a super-obvious error… you didn’t explain how not-hating is somehow hate to fit your twisted version.
Maaaaybe you’re using the language wrong.

Oh, and reacting to somebody’s actual behavior is the opposite of prejudice. Like, that’s what you’re supposed to do and prejudice means that’s not what you’re doing. It’s the word for when you’re not doing that.
That’s what prejudice is.
So, you definitely don’t get to call that prejudice.

And the definition you’ve quoted does include a few words to demonstrate what is meant by “group”; hate groups don’t count. They fall on the other side of this particular definition.

No part of it fits.

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

“Basically you’re saying that his opinion makes him a bigot period.”
Well, yes. That’s literally what being a bigot means.
It’s not an opinion that he’s a bigot, it’s a fact. Facts don’t get more factual than that fact.

“We must all bow and obey.”
Did you know that Card tries to restrict the rights of others and his opponents are literally people who don’t do that/

“Grow up and practice some of that acceptance stuff you preach.”
Ah yes. The “stop being bigoted against bigotry” thing. You know that’s really dumb, right?
See, your argument is that if I think hurting people because they’re part of the wrong minority group is bad, than I also have to tolerate folks who hurt people because they’re part of the wrong minority group.
If your definition of “acceptance” means I need to join a hate group to show solidarity with the poor oppressed hate group, maybe you need to realize that using words to mean literally the opposite of their actual meanings makes you dishonest.

“Maybe he advocates against you, and you advocate against him, whose the saint now, both hands are dirty.”
Problem: That second part is a lie so extraordinary I’m not sure why you bothered telling it. Nobody did anything to him.

“The man is entitled to his own opinion…”
How come evil bigots are entitled to the opinion that I’m inherently inferior to themselves and should be treated as such–and are entitled to run hate groups with the sole goal of doing me harm–but I’m not entitled to the opinion that I shouldn’t have to perpetually endure that?

Why do you hate the freedom of speech?

Everything you say is utter bullshit, but it’s also all so very extraordinarily hypocritical.

I realize this post is ancient, but… I can’t let this one pass without comment because everything about it is just so fundamentally horrific in every way.

Kyrinthic's avatar

Kyrinthic · 98 weeks ago

It will be fun one day when you strongly disagree with something that your kids believe in, and they become the moral majority and you find out that ‘freedom of speech’ has slowly turned into ‘freedom to agree with the crowd or have your livelihood threatened’.

I disagree with a lot of people about a lot of things. But if they are just talking, expressing their opinion, then I find that listening is the best action, if only to ascertain that my dissenting view is still the best one.

Have you actually read, in full, the articles he is being crucified over? He states that being gay is an aberration, which is to say, its a distinct minority with no genetic future (he specifically explains this). This isnt exactly hateful or even wrong. He also hates divorce as it weakens traditional marriage as well. Basically, He is strongly tied to Mormon beliefs. Are all Mormons bigots because their beliefs now differ with the moral majority? Perhaps the core of their religion is flawed, but that doesnt mean everyone should set out to run every Mormon business out of town either.

When a person makes a decision like ‘I dont want to see card’s movie because I disgree with his views’ thats fine, and personal. But when they say ‘I put up an online petition and told everyone I know that they are a bigot if they go see card’s movie’ you become as hateful as you claim he is.

Toon's avatar

Toon · 98 weeks ago

“This isn’t exactly hateful or even wrong” — erm, yes it is, on both counts.

His religion, like mine, prohibits same-gender sex. Being part of a religion that prohibits it isn’t necessarily hateful. Making up reasons WHY your religion is RIGHT to prohibit it, and insisting that really your religious beliefs are the laws of nature, when there is readily available proof that they aren’t? Insisting that anybody who doesn’t follow those precepts is abominable in the eyes of your god? That’s both hateful and arguably wrong, but by itself it’s relatively harmless.

But here’s the part you’re leaving out: Card is an ACTIVIST. He doesn’t just sit in his house and gripe about how this country’s morals are going to hell; he WORKS to deny equal rights as citizens to this particular group of people who don’t follow this particular precept of his religion.

And that crosses a line.

Card has every right to follow his religious beliefs without people rallying against him, whatever those beliefs happen to be. He does not have the right to expect UNITED STATES LAW to fall into accordance with his religious beliefs.

Or, rather … he has the right to expect it, and to agitate for it, and to be called a bastard and a bigot for doing so. The same laws that protect his free speech protect ours.

I have no illusions that my not paying to see this movie will impact OSC in any way, shape or form, aside from a slight dip in his pocketbook if enough people are similarly-minded regarding paying to see the movie.

Nor do I wish for OSC’s opinions to be censored or suppressed in any way, shape, or form. He’s perfectly within his rights to speak his mind on any topic he cares to. Hell, as far as I’m concerned, the more light shining on his words and deeds, the better everyone can see them for what they are.

However, the flipside of free speech is that you do not have freedom from the consequences of that speech. If, while freely speaking your mind, you say you desire for, and work towards making real, society to round up and imprison – or kill – an entire group of people simply for being who they are, don’t be surprised if others choose to exercise THEIR right to freely express themselves by NOT giving you their money, and by saying what came out of your mouth is wrongheaded and hateful. They’re well within their rights as well.

Want to see the movie and give OSC some of your money? Have fun. I hope you enjoy it and that the movie is well-made and the performers have done well. But, as the saying goes, you can’t get good fruit from bad roots. OSC poisoned the earth his works are planted in with his oft-stated hatred of “otherness”. As great as many of those works are (something not really in dispute), there are many who choose not to support someone operating from a position of hatred.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Oh WELL, as long as you get to enjoy a movie, who cares if he actively supports anti gay groups, its just “respecting his views”.

Hey, guess what? I happen to be in that group thats being so self righteous, so excuse the hell out of me for not taking it well when people trip over themselves to justify why their entertainment is more important than my civil rights.

Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

Perspective, I think, is an important word that seems to have been left out of this discussion. People going to see Ender’s Game is not going to dissolve the pro-gay movement; if it were that weak I doubt we’d be having this conversation.

The attitude of “You’re either with me or against me,” helps no one, especially the side you’re rooting for. Only Sith deal in absolutes, be careful that your crusade does not lead you down the same path to the dark side as your enemy.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Okay, first of all, enough with the Star Wars crap, alright? This is real life, stop trivializing an important issue with pop culture references. Second, yes, this issue IS black and white. Youre either pro gay, as in acknowledging them as regular people with the same rights as everyone else, or you’re anti gay. There is NO MIDDLE GROUND. So yes, supporting an anti gay creator because you want to see a space movie is wrong.
I think he’s trying to keep it light, defuse a little bit. One of the reasons I like these boards is that it doesn’t usually have the same frothing rage as, say, every article’s comment board on cnn.com.

Second, I think his point, which is likely a valid one, is that no amount of success of this movie is going to retroactively change, say, the latest Supreme Court ruling. Or the upcoming ones. I suppose the war isn’t over, but all the big battles probably are.

“The very idea that so many people who actively preach for tolerance and equality would so thoroughly vilify the man boggles me. ”

If tolerance requires tolerating the intolerant, then the entire concept is a snake eating its own head. Tolerance of people that actively pursue the limitations of the rights of others based on sexual identity is THE OPPOSITE of tolerance. Tolerating bigotry is THE OPPOSITE of tolerance. Live and live let does not apply to those that seek to restrict the ability of an entire section of the population to LIVE with the same rights as everyone else.

The very idea that you don’t understand this distinction boggles me.

THANK YOU! Sorry, but the whole “pro-gay people are bigots too” thing was pissing me off.
Toon's avatar

Toon · 98 weeks ago

You said this so much better than I could. Thank you.
BDM's avatar

BDM · 98 weeks ago

I am capable of enjoying the art of people I don’t agree with about everything. I love the films of Mel Gibson, Roman Polanski, and Frank Miller. In fact, I think it’s important to look at viewpoints you might disagree with, and even find reprehensible. That’s the definition of tolerance.

It’s also interesting what view points we consider worthy of boycott and what we don’t. Mel Gibson is being boycotted in Hollywood for saying mean things in a nasty breakup, but Polanski is given a free pass after breaking the law by having sex with an underage girl. Why are Mel Gibson’s (legal) actions worse than Polanski’s? It’s an odd inconsistent moral standard.

Card is a committed Mormon, and his views are well reasoned, even if based in what I find to be an absurd premise (Mormonism foundings make it look like a ridiculous ponzi scheme turned cult to me). I respect his thinking even if I disagree with it. I’ll be at Ender’s Game opening night.

15 replies · active 97 weeks ago

james's avatar

james · 98 weeks ago

I don’t think “well reasoned views” means what you think it means.
Tom327Cat's avatar

Tom327Cat · 98 weeks ago

His views are well reasoned, and fairly moderate. It is only when you take them way out of context so you can have someone to hate, that reason begins to disappear.
People do not always believe what you believe, that does not make them your enemy. The fact that a great number of people want so desperately to have an enemy is confusing to me.
For full disclosure I do not believe that there is such a thing as a “Gay” person. I think that any human can have sex with any other human given the proper set of stimuli (along with most animals and objects with of without helpful shape). Also I believe that people confuse natural tendencies toward dominance or submission as being masculine or feminine tendencies.
Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

You are incorrect, and frankly, your views on sexuality are appaling.
I agree. You dont have to believe in gay people for them to exist. They aren’t leprechauns.
The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 98 weeks ago

Well, I am 1/4 Irish, so I could be….wait, I remember. Whaling captains and horse thieves is why that bunch came to American.
Nevermind.
Your mommy told you you were special, didn’t she? No such thing as “gay” people? So, that means my dad didn’t exist? He had sex with a woman exactly TWICE in his life, when he was trying to be NOT gay; I was the result. There’s nothing taken out of context regarding OSC’s views on homosexuality; he’s pretty blatantly, virulently homophobic, to the point that, in one of his essays/blog posts, was threatening ARMED INSURRECTION if the government DARED to legalize “The GAY.” This wasn’t taken “out of context” to make him look bad. I’m feeling too lazy to dig around for the links (also, going through his dialog of hate makes me feel like I’m coated in filth), so either someone else can post them, or you can go look for yourself. Given the size of the shit-storm he’s stirred up recently with Ender’s Game and the aborted Superman run, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find. /rant
The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 98 weeks ago

Thus, someone’s IDEAS start the tipping point towards ACTIONS.
And as a gay man, some posters want me to believe that there aren’t people out there that wouldn’t want me dead for being gay, if they thought they could get away with it?

And, so you straight folks understand, there are a minority of gays who think that people who aren’t “gold star” gays (never had sexual congress with a female) aren’t *good/pure* gays…I could care less who you’ve slept with/sleep with/will sleep with as long as you’re not a down-low closet case.

So yes, there’s intolerance or bigotry wherever you’d like to find it…it’s how you act on that which is the larger issue.

My father’s attempts at heterosexuality came about in the early 70’s, not long after Stonewall. He grew up in a rural part of California (Humboldt & Trinity Counties), and at the time, hated what he was. He mostly hated it because he was AFRAID: Afraid of what would happen when his family & friends found out. Afraid of what would happen when/if the community/world found out. He was literally afraid for his LIFE…

Even in the early 90’s, right before he died, he was very adamant in hoping that I was straight, because he didn’t want me to go through what he went through. I never told him that I was bisexual, because I didn’t want him to worry about me. Now, I wish that I’d told him… Of course, I wish he was still around; he died from AIDS in 1991.

“Mel Gibson is being boycotted in Hollywood for saying mean things in a nasty breakup”

That and the Jew hating thing. Also “mean things in a nasty breakup” and “horrific, nightmare, misogynist terror rant” are different things.

“horrific, nightmare, misogynist terror rant” and drunken anti-Semitic gibberish (Gibson) != drugging and raping a 13-year-old (Polanski). One is (execrable) speech, the other far worse. I’d say BDM’s point holds up.
Who’s supporting Roman Polanski?

From IMDB (Venus in Fur-2012, Carnage-2010, The Ghost Writer-2009, Oliver Twist-2002, The Pianist-1999, The Ninth Gate-1994, Death and the Maiden-1993, Bitter Moon-1988, Frantic-1986, Pirates-1979, Tess-1976)
I’ve heard of two of these movies and haven’t seen any of them.

BoxOfficeMojo shows an average of $10M per movie gross. Not what I’d call support.

Polanski is hailed and fêted as a great director, and garnered enormous Hollywood support a couple of years ago in relation to his ongoing legal situation (flight from prosecution). He’s a convicted child rapist who fled the country rather than face the heat. His crime continues to be treated as an indiscretion by much of the entertainment press.

Attention to detail, DetailBear. 🙂

@BDM’s point continues to be valid — the moral outrage one sees in pop culture is deeply inconsistent. It’s almost as though a herd of hedonistic moral infants were operating via mob rule.

Im not comparing the crimes of the two men at all. I’m pointing out that Gibson is not so innocent as the original commenter was portraying him.
Touché. As long as you aren’t undermining the idea that the “moral standard” promulgated in our culture is random to the point of dark comedy, I’ll completely concur.
I also think you need to check on the meaning of “boycott”.
So this means that I need to boycott the works of anyone who disagrees with me on something important? That’s going to seriously hamper my reading.

Card has been enduring boycotts for many years. He offends all kinds of people (including, frequently, his coreligionists). You won’t even be a rounding error. As far as I can tell, this ongoing boycott’s only effect has been to reaffirm his assertion that the hysterical hypocrites on the extremes of this debate are far less tolerant than those they criticize.

And he has a point. If y’all were rational about it, and read the scope of what he has written on the topic instead of reading cherry-picked, slanted excerpts, you might get a different perspective on his so-called homophobia.

If you actually noted the gay characters in his books, you might understand even better. ‘Course, that’s harder than riding the wave of ignorance.

OK, getting off the soapbox.

7 replies · active 98 weeks ago

“his so-called homophobia.”

Clearly one of us is “riding the wave of ignorance.”

Oh, look! My soapbox!

I was mostly commenting on the discussion rather than the comic, which I found amusing — especially the fact that Josh could go to Ender’s Game without any guilt.

It’s often hard to convince someone lacking in information that there’s more out there to know. However, I will excerpt some of Card’s discussion of the topic to clarify the points I was trying to make.

I’ll warn you that some of the things he says will anger most people here — he sees the world very differently from most of the posters here. A tolerant and level-headed person will be able to accept that fact. What I hope you extract from this is the difference between political disagreements and hate, a distinction many find challenging.

“There are communities within American culture that regard homosexuality as just another viable lifestyle, absolutely harmless and therefore no more to be shunned or censured than an inability to carry a tune (and LESS obnoxious than a predisposition toward, say, public nose-picking). There are other communities within American culture that regard homosexual acts as sins, so that good people try to control any such desires and not act them out. And there are communities that regard homosexuality as an evil which must be violently expunged.

The violent ones are themselves engaging in a far more serious anti-civilized pattern of behavior, of course, and I think there is no room in America for violence directed against any group (or any individual) for any reason short of immediate defense against physical attack — which doesn’t often come up with homosexuals. But apart from the violent ones, I do think there is room within our society for people with many views of homosexuality, as well as of other non-majority behaviors. (Race and gender are not behaviors, and so what I am saying about attitudes toward homosexual behavior does not necessarily extend to attitudes toward race or gender.)

As long as we can freely leave one community and enter another, either geographically or socially, then doesn’t reasonable tolerance of others’ beliefs and practices allow communities that voluntarily agree to regard certain behaviors as sins as much right to their beliefs as communities that voluntarily agree to regard those same behaviors as acceptable? I find that those who plead for tolerance are far too often prone to wanting to hunt down and wipe out the last vestige of what they call intolerance — and are incapable of realizing that this behavior is, in itself, exactly as intolerant and usually as unjust as the behavior they so rigorously oppose.”
[…]
“The only thing I would quarrel with in any of the attitudes I’ve seen expressed on this subject in this particular discussion [online] is the use of two words: abomination and homophobia. Both are relatively meaningless these days, and are most often used to express loathing; therefore, while the loathing may be sincere, the words become less than helpful in serious discussion.”
[…]
“Likewise, there are people who show a virulence in their hatred of homosexuals that is obsessive, personal, and pathological, and I suppose homophobia could be regarded as the technical word for that. The overwhelming majority of the cases where I’ve seen homophobia used, however, it was used not to describe the pathological condition, but rather as an ugly word to fling at anyone who does not go along with the political agenda or self-story of various activist wings of the American homosexual community. If you don’t accept the full politically-correct line (i.e., homosexuals can’t help it and shouldn’t ever be expected not to do as they like, and should be treated as martyrs and given special protection under the law), then you are a homophobe in the view of these people.

Frankly, I find that this quickly turns into a delicious hypocrisy: Those whose agenda is “tolerance” and who insist that ugly words like ‘faggot’ not be used against them have found an exactly analogous word to use as a weapon in their virulent intolerance of those who disapprove of either their behavior or their political agenda. They use the word to silence opposition, to subvert legitimate discussion. Those who use the word this way are so convinced of the righteousness of their cause that they are willing to deny the right of others to disagree with them. Thus, in the name of tolerance of diversity, they seek to force others into a perfect uniformity of thought. The fascism of the left is no more attractive than the fascism of the right.

In Songmaster (and also in the third Homecoming novel, The Ships of Earth, the only other place where I have dealt with homosexuality in my fiction) I attempt to create real and living characters. I find it nearly impossible to create a character that I do not end up understanding and sympathizing with to some degree. Thus it should surprise no one that I treat homosexuals in my fiction with understanding and sympathy. This does not mean that I don’t also regard homosexual behavior as inappropriate for those who purport to be Latter-day Saints. I see no contradiction between the two ideas; indeed, I fail to see how an uncompassionate person could be a good Christian, or a good Latter-day Saint in particular.

I suppose I can take some comfort from the fact that over the years I have been savaged both for showing too much sympathy for the “abomination” of homosexuality and for showing too much “homophobic” opposition to the political agenda of the radical homosexual community. If either group of intolerant extremists felt comfortable with my works and my words, I would have reason to reexamine my position. As things stand right now, however, I think I am annoying exactly the right people on both sides, and so will continue as I have in the past, to attempt to discover the truth of every aspect of human life and then to tell what truth I believe I have found, as best I can, in both my fiction and my nonfiction.”

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

…and this is “so called homophobia”?
This is the textbook definition of homophobia. If you tolerate this type of sentiment, then you’re a homophobe. If you support someone for stating these views, then you’re a homophobe.
“But I will defend to the death your right to say it” (Hall)… that’s sort of an American sentiment, isn’t it?

In the marketplace of ideas, the hardest part is putting up with the ones you think are malignant idiots.

I think you need a textbook from something later than third grade. 😉 The one you’re reading is simplistic.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

It also doesnt mean that his speech is somehow protected from criticism and to be told to shut the hell up. Freedom of speech only ensures protection from goverment censorship, not protection from backlash from the groups you shit on.
james's avatar

james · 98 weeks ago

There are enough things to enjoy in life that I don’t need to find them through people like Orson.

1 reply · active 98 weeks ago

That’s a fine perspective.
“If you don’t see/read/listen to something because you disagree with something the creator did or believes, then you need to do that for everything.”

I thought about this at length and here’s the difference I’ve come up with. Card is going out of his way to make sure you KNOW how much he hates homosexuals. He’s been a part of organizations that actively seek to limit the rights of gays. It’s one thing to have a shitty opinion. It’s another to make sure everyone knows you’re a shitty person as well.

Um.

None of his fiction readers (and I mean NONE) have ever seen anti-SSM or anti-gay material in his books. Just isn’t there.

That’s why so many are shocked and appalled that this writer they loved and trusted has turned out to be such a hateful, evil cad! Betrayal! (I’ve read hundreds upon hundreds of comments in this vein). Turns out, they got this information because Card feels free to mention in other fora that 1) he has beliefs, and 2) he’s willing to share them.

Other helpful souls made sure to spread his views far and wide, without being hired, paid, or asked to do so. Sometimes they’re so helpful, they summarize the best bits without all of the context.

In other words — I think your distinction fails. There are plenty of entertainers with whom I disagree, many of which contribute *massively* to campaigns I dislike, as well as using their (much larger) megaphones to actively sway public opinion.

Since I’m a grownup, I take what good I can from whichever of their works I choose to purchase, and feel free to disagree with those things I dislike. Is this so hard?

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

No, as long as you put money in their hands, you also support their views.
“1) he has beliefs, and 2) he’s willing to share them. ”

Calling a deplorable, hateful, ignorant opinion a “belief” seems to be a pretty easy way to justify being a bigot. I’m sure lots of people believed, and still BELIEVE that black people are genetically inferior to whites. Too bad. Can’t challenge them on that. It’s their belief. Beliefs are sacred.

Beliefs are just dressed up opinions, and opinions are always subject to being total bullshit.

Your point was that he forced people to listen to his deplorable, awful opinions/beliefs. My point was that he didn’t, and that point would stand even if he were a flat-earth, holocaust-denying, perpetual-motion subculture skinhead.

Those things Just. Don’t. Show. Up. In. His. Fiction.

You have to go looking for them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, as to the points that you and others are making — that Card is a terrible man, human garbage, etc…

This mode of discourse really *is* immoral. Say, in your example, someone really IS racist. My appropriate action would be to defund and ostracize them? Shame and shun them? What kind of people are you?

My recently deceased neighbor was an old Texas lady. She was deeply racist, wildly suspicious of my wide variety nonwhite friends and coworkers. I made sure she knew that they were great people, and fixed her broken faucets and sprinklers and mailbox, talked to her and had the kids play with her.

I lived in France/Switzerland for many years, where racism/anti-Semitism is real and rampant. Did I shame and shun people who expressed their shockingly casual racism? Of course not — I just took every opportunity to kindly and calmly offer counterpoints and examples.

So yeah, morality is hard… but this one is easy. You are not heroes for vilifying people because of one substantive disagreement. Many here are acting like spoiled children, in my opinion.

Breaking society into (figurative) armed camps is worthwhile only when all else has failed — and if you think, in any way, that the plight of homosexuals in America is in any way comparable to the 1960s civil rights movement… you have some serious remedial history work to do.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Oh my god, do you even read the stuff you put in here? Yes, yes it IS comparable. You know why they werent visible back then? Because if you were gay in the 60s, you got put in jail. Or just beat to death in the street. Who the hell are you to tell people how they should and should not respond to being mistreated?
I suspect you’re the one here with reading issues.

I did not say that homosexuals had not suffered, nor that they do not now suffer.

What I said (and maintain) is that their plight is *trivial* in comparison to being black for most of American history. Supporting documentation is readily available to the interested student.

Who am I to tell people how they should respond? No more or less than you. That is, if you were willing to crack a book or two and see what the consequences of such polarizations tend to be.

Annnnnnd now you’re just antagonizing people. I’m going to go ahead and save us all the trouble and block you. Not because I disagree with you, but because you have long since moved on from debate to personal attacks and that kind of behavior isn’t tolerated on my site. You’re looking for a fight, so I’m going to deprive you of one.
Thanks, Joel. I was about to go off on this person. My father was TERRIFIED of me being gay. Not because he was homophobic; far from it. He was terrified because of what HE went through, being a gay teen in the late 60’s-early 70’s, and being a gay man every year since. He died in 1991, before a lot of the cultural progress towards being more accepting/welcoming of the LGBT community. As a result, I was never able to be honest with him about my bisexuality.

Stradling’s whole attitude about the problems of the LGBT community being “trivial” REEEEALY pissed me off. While I’ll admit that we were never enslaved like black people were, we’ve had more than our share of beatings/maimings/deaths because of who and what we are, and for the most part, have NOT been protected by law at the Federal level.

Also a good idea.
The Other Guy's avatar

The Other Guy · 98 weeks ago

Honestly, I follow this comic because I think it’s hilarious, regardless of personal beliefs. I am not personally for gay marriage and the whole business, I honestly don’t think the government has any place to dictate what marriage is and that it ought to step out of the whole process. I’ve however had gay and lesbian friends who I think are great people, and I want them to live happy lives. What I think they need to do and what they think they need to do may be different, but I support them in their personal pursuits of happiness.

As to what I think about this, Ender’s Game is one of the greatest critically acclaimed scifi novels ever written, and this comic is based off of how awesome great sci fi is I.E. Firefly, Doctor Who, etc. Anybody who wants to see an unbiased yet great work of Sci Fi ought to go see the movie, because the movie has nothing to do with Card’s personal beliefs, and it’s not like he’s waiting on this movie to fill up his piggy bank for more anti gay hatred.

I’d also like to reiterate from what I said in a previous comment, it’s one man’s opinion, you have yours, and while you scream for equality and a respect of your views, respect someone else’s. Must they be a bigot simply because their opinion is opposite your own? I invite anyone to think, feel, and have an opinion as they wish on homosexuality, but to also just practice a little less abject hatred for others. Go see the movie for what the movie is, not for what Card’s political opinion on one subject is.

11 replies · active 22 weeks ago

Trudy's avatar

Trudy · 98 weeks ago

Is it disrespecting to boycott a movie? Are there some sort of laws or rules that say you have to watch every movie ever made?

I’m so sick of this ‘tolerate my intolerance’ crap. Your intolerance IS tolerated. You have the law on your side when you state your opinion, whatever that may be. Just like other people have the law on their side when they state their opinion, which is that your opinion is bigoted.

And let’s not forget that there’s a difference between being for equal rights for all and being for segregation. It’s not just a difference of opinion. The anti-equality folks can’t give a single argument founded in reason and reality; there’s always the ‘God’s law’ or ‘Nature’s law’ and electrical sockets and because I say so.

They can believe whatever they want. The problem is that they won’t let other people live their lives in peace.

Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 98 weeks ago

“I’m so sick of this ‘tolerate my intolerance’ crap.”
Right with you Trudy, just saw a relative who has gone beyond the bend into Jewish conspiracy theories, and other racist nonsense like multiculturalism is a myth.
When I was angered, his wife told me to calm down because it was “just words”.
“Just words”
Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Under no circumstance are people required to tolerate intolerance, there has been way too much of that already. But then, 90% of the people who say things like that have not faced a single bit of prejudice their entire life, and have no idea what it means.
“I invite anyone to think, feel, and have an opinion as they wish on homosexuality”

Unless that opinion dictates the level of civil rights homosexuals are given. You can be still be a racist, but you can’t pass racist legislation or limit the rights of racial minorities. IT IS THE SAME ARGUMENT.

If you honestly think you are doing your gay friends any favors with this attitude, then I submit you might not actually be that good of a friend.

The Other Guy's avatar

The Other Guy · 98 weeks ago

Again, I think the government has no place in saying who can and can’t marry. I think that it’s going through the government at all is a crock of crap. If I were to have my say, all basic tax rights and other ‘marriage rights’ would be under civil unions, which you’d have to enter into through the government. I.E. getting married doesn’t automatically qualify you for civil union rights. Then, leave marriage and it’s definition to religions on their own basis, as in, Catholics define marriage in the catholic church, mormons in the mormon church, baptists in the baptist church. If some baptist church decides that they’re ok with gay marriage, fine, that’s their deal. I still believe in the separation of CHURCH and STATE. I think not only on this matter, but in many others, the state needs to get the hell out of it.

Again, I invite you to have whatever opinion you want on this matter of whether to be or not to be for gay marriage. It’s fine, I don’t support it, but I see no reason attack them for their beliefs either. I”m not here to tell them how to live their lives. I just hope they make the choices that make them happy. And what happiness is to them is left to them to define.

So attack me and call me a bigot all you want, call me a bad friend, whatever you’d like to do, I honestly thought you’d be above it. I love this comic, I think it’s hilarious and inventive, and I’ll continue to read it even though you seem to hate the person I am. I also wish you good luck on it in the future, making a living through a comic seems like an awesome though I’m sure crazy at times job to have.

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

The word “marriage” never belonged to the Catholic church, hon.

And you do know that “marriage” and “union” are synonyms, yes? They mean the same thing, and we already have civil marriages.

You actually want to impose your religious beliefs on others, which would be exactly what the separation of church and state means you can’t do.

The state needs to treat all citizens equally.
Now, all religions SHOULD do that as well, but that’s another matter.

Also, you’re literally here to tell people how to live their lives.
Except with different rules for you and me. I shouldn’t get married–shouldn’t even be ALLOWED–but you can. You don’t get to claim that people asking not to be hurt are somehow the ones trying to control or restrict others.

See, you’re the one doing the attacking. You have thoroughly explained that you are not a friend.
And he certainly is above you. I mean, you literally just described not hating the people you want him to hate as hating you. Your religion doesn’t have the false witness thing? Well, I guess it didn’t have the love your neighbor thing or the whatsoever you do to the least of these thing or anything like that, either.

The Other Guy's avatar

The Other Guy · 98 weeks ago

Read my other reply in the previous post if you want to know what I think. Yes, I think civil union should have the same general rights as marriage, and the government ought to step out of defining marriage, which I think it has no right to.

The only thing I’d say in response is that for a group espousing equality and love, you can be very hateful towards people who have done nothing more than disagree with you. I haven’t undertaken any hate campaigns, I’m not on here telling you that you’re a horrible person and attacking your ‘ilk’ or anything. I’m just expressing a basic opinion in the most non-confrontational way I know how.

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

“The only thing I’d say in response is that for a group espousing equality and love…”
Yes. Which Card is against.

“…people who have done nothing more than disagree with you.”
Even if you weren’t outright lying, you’d still be lying by omission.
See, it’s not that they disagree with me, it’s that they think I’m subhuman, inherently inferior to themselves, less deserving of love and respect, and should be treated as such under law.
That’s more than “disagreeing” with me. Hell, I don’t have to disagree at all for it to be more than that.
Actually, if I DON’T disagree, that would be evidence of how they’ve harmed me.
Buuuut… you were also lying outright. We’re talking about people who actively try–and succeed–to inflict harm.

“I’m just expressing a basic opinion in the most non-confrontational way I know how.”
Oh gosh, were you being *non-confrontational*? Gosh, I didn’t notice!
Well, since you were being *polite*, that’s clearly what’s most important.
…Why are there so many bigots who think that being polite is more relevant than the substance of what they’re actually saying, anyway? Bonus points: They’re never as polite as they claim.

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

“Must they be a bigot simply because their opinion is opposite your own?”
Oh look! It’s a liar!

Yeah, it’s not that his “opinion” is the opposite of my own that makes him a bigot, it’s the fact that his “opinion” is that members of a certain minority group are inherently inferior to himself and need to be treated as such.
Y’know, the meaning of the word?

He could go on having different opinions than me about the best flavor of ice cream without demonstrating that he’s a bigot. It has nothing to do with how different from me he is, and everything to do with his actual substance.

Also, you contradicted yourself. When you stated that you are opposed to equal rights for all persons, you clearly proved that you are, in fact, a bigot.
But that aside, you then claimed that your position is that the government has no right to limit marriage–you realize this is the opposite position, yes?
And it’s actually quite an important point–you can be an evil gay-hating bigot and still stand for equal rights on this issue for any number of reasons. Such as supporting the Freedom of Religion (lots of the super-religious anti-gay bigots who love screaming those words ought to pay more attention to what they mean; if they think it means that the highest-powered religious group can enforce their beliefs in law [curiously enough, that’s exactly what it FORBIDS], they should probably watch out for their own population percentage dwindling…).

Here’s my 6 cents <cause I like charging more dammit>

I’ve read his books for years, personally I like them even when he paints himself into a damn corner.

I don’t care about homosexuality in the same way I don’t care about sports or politicians. For years people didn’t care about geekdom except when they realized they could goldmine the hell out of it. Geekdom is my thing…people at work don’t care about it..they care about whether I show up and do the work.

America really is getting to the point where if your opinion differs from the next person, it’s like you’re a terrible person. I don’t care about homosexuality, it’s not for me, I prefer and like women far too much to ever stop or even go bisexual. I’m straight and proud of it. Don’t hate and bully me into accepting something that isn’t for me

8 replies · active 22 weeks ago

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Oh Im so sorry that groups of people getting reduced to second class citizens is inconvenient for you. Please, dont trouble yourself with the suffering of others as long as you get what you want.
Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

It’s okay for people to not care about something. Indifference is sometimes a sign that things are changing for the better, and sometimes it’s a sign that both sides in an argument have become so bogged down in their rage against each other that those with more even keel temperaments simply bow out of the fight from frustration.

Cool the fires of your rage and let your enemy make fools of themselves.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

The only reason they dont care if because it doesnt affect them, and I am SICK of being told to be quiet about a horrible issue just so someone else can justify their support of this bastard. Because you know what? Thats what you do. You support this mans views by giving him money, you are just as bad as he is through your indifference.
Easy, Stranger. The last guy got blocked for personal attacks.
Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

You’re supposed to be indifferent to what minority groups a person is a member of.

You’re not supposed to be indifferent to minority groups being oppressed in law.

And cut out the “both sides” thing; if one side is a harmed minority group and the other side is those who would harm them, they’re not opposing “teams”.
But don’t worry. They definitely make fools of themselves.

You are missing the point entirely. I think you’re internalizing the concept a bit too much. Homosexuality is not a hobby that you can either “care about” or “not care about.” Saying it’s “not for you” and likening it to sports is just so dismissive. That’s like saying being a black person “isn’t for you.” No one would ever expect you to change races, nor would they expect you to change your sexual identity. What does any of that have to do with limiting the rights of others?
15 years of working overnights in a grocery store has shown me both good and bad in people. I don’t bother the customers and they don’t bother me…I guess that attitude extends to the Internet as well…people should have their freedoms…just let me get back to my quiet life. I really do think I should have been in a monastery.
Jenn's avatar

Jenn · 98 weeks ago

I seem to only not be able to enjoy the work of a creator if they have offended me personally. Like with Celine Dion who shrunk bad in disgust rather the sign the autograph I had paid for because “Oh God, she is so fat. Gross!” I only weight 126lbs at thime and could hardly be considered fat. Also, Meryl Streep asking my supervisor if her personal escort through my facility could be “someone more attractive”. My few incounters with celebraties gave been mixed, Shaq was the sweetest gentleman I ever met, and Mike Tyson was very kind to those helping him.

2 replies · active 98 weeks ago

Personal stories about celebs, writers, etc from friends or even from my own experience go much longer way towards shaping my opinions of them than public stories in the press ever could. Adam Baldwin has been a HUGE DICK to one of my friends on more than one occasion, so I know he isn’t good people. Same with Anthony Michael Hall. Guys like that will never get active support from me.
FuryOfFirestorm's avatar

FuryOfFirestorm · 98 weeks ago

Not surprised about Adam being a colossal dick. Based on what i’ve heard about him, and reading his online posts, he’s a rabid right-wing dickhead.

I am surprised about AMH being an asshat. Never heard anything bad about him.

“Garbage human being”. I’m seeing this a lot. Since I know the guy, I’ll take exception.

Seems to me that most of you don’t get outside your ideological sphere much. You have dismissed a lot of very fine people as garbage because they see problems with your agenda.

That looks almost like religious zealotry.

It happens a lot. Like Joel says… morality is hard. People might even see it differently.
“morality is hard” was a joke. It’s not hard at all. The idea that wanting to see a stupid flick is more important than defending the civil rights of my fellow man is preposterous. That was the point I was making.

“You have dismissed a lot of very fine people as garbage because they see problems with your agenda. ”

Equal rights for all is not an agenda. Or at least it’s not MY agenda. It EVERYONE’s agenda. Anyone who professes that NOT to be their agenda is a bigot and worthy of being called garbage. Clearly equal rights is not YOUR agenda, which immediately cancels out any consideration I would ever give your opinions, beliefs, arguments, etc. In 25 years, you and Card and those like you will be viewed exactly as we view those that supported racial segregation and opponents of womens’ rights.

Joel, let me break this to you gently.

Morality is hard. It always has been, and it always will be. It takes deep consideration.

Your slogans are stirring, and I have read them many, many times. They are, however, bumper-sticker propaganda. They simplify to the point of self-contradiction.

You are an interesting cartoonist, and passionate in your views. You’re not a moral philosopher. Much of this conversation is clearly out of your intellectual league, and it seems you prefer to keep it that way.

So cheers.

Sounds like it’s hard for you. Not for me.

PS

You’re blocked for your shitty condescending tone, and personal attacks. Not for your beliefs.

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

Interesting.

How come he can dismiss an entire minority group–the good, the bad, and the mostly innocent bystanders–and that’s okay… but dismissing him as an individual based on something OBJECTIVELY EVIL that he has ACTUALLY DONE is bad?

I mean, even if the “both sides” bull that your ilk like to pull made any sense, you’d still be laughably hypocritical there.
Seriously, if you lie to make yourself look better, laughably hypocritical is still the BEST you can get.

lauren's avatar

lauren · 97 weeks ago

it is actually a space version of the Punic wars between Rome and Carthage, with the battle school system based on Spartan training. Card was a student of military history, so as both a history and sci fi buff I really liked the end result. yes OSC is a pretty terrible human being, but he is also a great writer, and his personal views on gays does not come out in his fiction.
bubblespuppies's avatar

bubblespuppies · 98 weeks ago

To the moral(?) quandary of whether one should support enjoyable or well-done products/art/media from companies or individuals who, as GrendelVS so aptly put it, are shits, I find the answer simple.

Pirate it.

I know piracy is a whole ‘nother discussion, but I find it’s the best solution I’ve come across when there’s a product I really want to support, but a creator that I really don’t.

3 replies · active 98 weeks ago

Drakey's avatar

Drakey · 98 weeks ago

Pretty much, yeah. I like (much) of his work, but given that he apparently thinks I ought to be condemned and scorned for having the audacity to fall in love, I absolutely refuse to pay him for any of his work. I will be pirating this movie, and if I ever buy another OSC book again, it will be from a used bookstore, and I will be checking to make absolutely sure that he receives no money for it. He got enough of my money from the purchases of his books that I made. I’m glad he put an afterward in Empire where he shot his mouth off about it, or I would probably have kept buying his books, and eagerly, until all this hullaballoo started up.
Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

Piracy is a terrible form of protest. It shows that when faced with the situation of giving something up in protest you instead non-commit and watch it anyway by stealing it off the internet.

Though I would argue that the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” makes logically no sense at all, in this instance you cannot boycott EG and then watch it anyway through illegal means and not be a raving hypocrite.

You know what’s a great way to state your moral objection to someone’s anti-social behavior?

Theft.

What you should really do is steal a couple of copies from the shelf, sell them on Craigslist and give the proceeds to the charity of your choice.

See? Morality is not so hard after all.

Except that you sold the books, and they might contaminate the minds of some poor folks, and turn them into raging homophobes.

I’ve been waiting for this movie for YEARS ever since high school when it was first rumoured to be in production. I am a fan of all of Card’s works, including his women of the bible series. (I have a copy of The Crystal City still on my bookshelf unread… i don’t like reading the last of a series)

That said, his opinions on homosexuality is sad. As long as he does not begin to preach to me in any of his books of his religious views, i’m fine. Everyone has their own opinions on life, some are more vocal than others, and some or more hateful than others.

Will his views on life change my views on his work, no. I’m not that closed minded, his books are good and really got me into science fiction as a teenager, it was also one of the only series my brother read (he didn’t read a lot), so to me that’s a win as well. I was actually surprised that he was a norman as I did not see that side of him in any of his characters.

I hope this makes sense. I do not agree with Card at all, but I’m not going to continue this cycle of hate back at him. He made his mistake and will have to live with it as we all do.

1 reply · active 97 weeks ago

You gotta watch out for those Normans. Always invading, that lot.
Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

Honestly? I’ve never read a single book in the Ender series, and didn’t even know there was a movie coming out until people started crying boycott; I also had never heard of the author.

I probably would have gone to see it anyway once I saw some trailers, so the idea of a bunch of people being angry that I saw a movie is kind of a bonus.

Orion M's avatar

Orion M · 98 weeks ago

So when I first learned what a raving, frothing-at-the-mouth lunatic OSC is, it was kind of a shock to me. I mean. Hasn’t he read his own work from the ’80s? With it’s fist-pumping anthems about understanding and working through our differences? Is that an “except the Gays, Jews, and others I arbitrarily hate” sort of deal? Really disappointing.

7 replies · active 97 weeks ago

I thought that was Battlefield Earth.
Thats sort of my point. In terms of recently created religions, I find the two to be eerily similar in their obviously false origins.
Wow, two religions in one sentence.
It kinda puts a meta spin on the whole “creators you love” vs. “the creators’ statements” discussion.
And Alvin Maker is Joseph Smith. So what? He’s Mormon. It screams from every page of all of his series!

As do the deepest assumptions of all authors.

See, this is what is fascinating about the discussion. You read his works and say, “Wow! Someone who really understands interactions with the Other! Framlings, ramen, varelse! Who knows how to question belief and dogma, and does so deeply! Wait — how can he possibly believe something so silly/repugnant as _____?”

When you find such a contradiction, check your sources and understanding. You might be caught in a dogma trap. And if it turns out that he’s wrong… try dialogue rather than condemnation.

jiynx's avatar

jiynx · 98 weeks ago

honestly, i haven’t really given a damn about the movie.

honestly, the best part of it is, it looks terrible(and is based on fairly mediocre sci-fi to begin with), so all the anti-gay folks that are going to go as a sort of passive-aggressive counter-protest are going to blow their money on a dogturd of a movie, and somehow thing it’s a good thing!

Calyph's avatar

Calyph · 98 weeks ago

If you’re not going to support someone based solely on what they believe, what makes you any better than them? Personally, I’m tired of all this hate-bred hate these days. It seems like everywhere I turn, I see people hating others, because those people in turn are hating someone. It’s a vicious cycle that won’t change if we keep up efforts like this. Don’t discriminate because of what Card believes, just know that with the striking down of DOMA, we won a small victory. And we’ll keep winning those small victories if we fight the battles, not the people.

First time commenter by the way, just wanted to throw my .02 into something relatively meaningful.

7 replies · active 22 weeks ago

Huttj's avatar

Huttj · 98 weeks ago

It’s not because of what he believes, per se, it’s because of the prior board membership of a group that financially pushed for jailing homosexuals.

You can believe what you like, but when you take action to support those beliefs to the detriment of others, you no longer get to fall on “free belief.”

Like the Chik Fil A stuff. It wasn’t the owner’s beliefs, it was financially supporting groups that go around killing homosexuals in Africa.

If someone believes the planet is 6000 years old? Fine, until they want to teach that to my kid, or interfere with the teaching of science and history to their kid in a public setting.

When beliefs cross over into actions, the actions are fair game.

Exactly. I dont HATE Card for his dumb beliefs. I despise him as a creator because he’s actively sought the limiting of rights for gays. He’s campaigning for gays as second class citizens and I can’t tolerate or be accepting of that. A line has to be drawn somewhere.
Sure you do. It comes through in most of your posts.

Certainly you hate him more than he purports to hate homosexuals. So I can call you a cardaphobe.

It’s textbook, after all. 🙂 You would, if it were possible, remove his livelihood and public influence, since you think him unworthy of it. You label his language as hate speech, which is… criminal.

See how much fun labeling is?

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Yeah, except he’s using HIS money and influence to lessen the worth of homosexuals. So why does he get to play that game then? And he’s still apparently a great person, since youre tripping over yourself to defend him. Or you just really enjoy playing devils advocate. And stop putting smileyfaces in your arguments, it trivializes the issue.
SOOOOOOO glad I blocked you. Sweet merciful bastard if you’re this condescending in real life I weep for those that actually know you. Intolerable.
FuryOfFirestorm's avatar

FuryOfFirestorm · 98 weeks ago

I sincerely doubt this asshat personally knows Card. He’s just some troll who’s purposely being contrary and condescending to get a rise out of others. The block (or ignore) button is their Kryptonite.
Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

Odd.
I don’t have any public influence. Were we all entitled to that and I got in the wrong line?

And hate speech isn’t criminal.

Also, what you call “labeling” I call “language”.
Try writing a post without using any labels–in other words, well, WORDS. You just call them “labels” when a negative one is used on something you want to support… but y’know, claiming the word magically doesn’t apply doesn’t actually change that the thing was negative to begin with–which is the reason the “label” sounds negative at all.

Ali's avatar

Ali · 98 weeks ago

I think it depends on how much the problematic belief appears in the work. Heinlein’s and Bradbury’s misogyny appears in their writing much more obviously than Card’s homophobia appears in Ender’s Game, to my recollection. As long as the work itself isn’t actively spreading messages of hate, I see no problem with enjoying the work in a fashion that does not give more money to the bigoted creator.
Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

Only a Sith deals in absolutes. If you reflect calmly on the set forth definition of bigotry, young padowan, then you will find that Orson’s crusade and yours are not all that different from one another. From this common ground you will be able to make peace with both yourself and your enemy.
Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

He wants gay people to not exist. We want anti gay people to shut the hell up and keep their homophobia to themselves. Its not the same thing
Fengor's avatar

Fengor · 98 weeks ago

Both are a form of hatred and intolerance, that they both lie at either extremes of the spectrum does not inherently make them different. By the standard definition of “bigot” your hatred of homophobes makes you a bigot; likewise Orson and his ilk are also bigots for their hatred of the gay community.

Think on this calmly, and the path to peace will present itself.

Bigotry and supporting equal rights for all are not two ends of the same spectrum.

Card exercises his right to free speech both with his books and with his public statements on homosexuality. He’s perfectly within his rights to say whatever he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants. He is NOT free from response, reprisal or consequence for what he says, however. He is also free to marry a woman, divorce her, marry again, take a mistress, divorce his second wife, marry the mistress, and go on about his life however he pleases. The line is drawn at the fact that he, and those like him, seek to control who can and can’t exercise that same right to enter into a legally binding marriage contract and reap the same rewards as he can from it.

Really?

Um… citation?

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

My “crusade” for everybody to be able to live peacefully is actually different in literally every way from Card’s crusade to do harm to a minority group.

And how come I got to make peace with the one trying to harm me, which presumably means I have to let him hurt me? Oh, and other people. Lots of other innocent people, including children. I think I’d have to sacrifice my conscience to stand by and say nothing to THAT…
But I got off topic there a bit. How come I have to make peace with him? He’s the one that did the attacking…

Fletcher's avatar

Fletcher · 98 weeks ago

Not hugely interested in the movie, TBH – I didn’t read Ender’s Game at an age at which I was vulnerable to it, and so coming across it later I was unimpressed. Precocious Kid Saves World isn’t really a narrative I’m that interested in nowadays.

With that said, I’m definitely not about to support Card – the dude funded the lobbyist group which pressured Uganda into instituting the /death penalty/ for homosexuality for God’s sake! Jesus wept.

As for other authors … I used to read Ringo occasionally, but stopped after, well, google “Oh John Ringo no”. Similarly I never could get into Allen Steele because his Coyote series seemed like libertarian wish fulfillment. I liked John C Wright’s /Chaos/ trilogy, but his latest novels just seem like egregious snide mockeries of ideologies he doesn’t understand (and the Hermetic Millenia reads like he shat on the corpse of Cordwainer Smith).

I liked Holly Lisle back in the day, even signed up for her email newsletter – but then /Hawkspar/ featured a protagonist culture that was a fictionalized idealization of US Republicans, and an antagonist culture that was a blatant strawman of US Liberals … and then she sent a newsletter doing linguistic gymnastics to claim that anything less than absolute and total Freedom was support of Slavery. It was the transparent intellectual dishonesty of the argument, more than anything, that annoyed me into unsubscribing.

2 replies · active 98 weeks ago

“not about to support Card – the dude funded the lobbyist group which pressured Uganda into instituting the /death penalty/ for homosexuality for God’s sake”

Anyone that says Card is just “representing his beliefs” is fucking delusional.

Huttj's avatar

Huttj · 98 weeks ago

Ringo, well, I felt too much of his views were coming through in the writing, and it felt more like an author voice than a writing style, or character voice.

Similar to how I really like the Narnia books by C.S. Lewis, but after about Dawn Treader it becomes a bit too “Aslan is Jesus” heavyhanded for my tastes. Still some wonderful stories though.

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59 · 98 weeks ago

OSC is typical of deeply-closeted gays raised by the LDS (I used to spend a lot of time with his old SCA group in Salt Lake City). He doesn’t know what he believes, but whatever it is, it pisses him off. I liked his early works, but his novels starting with Ender’s Game? You guys have to be kidding. Libertarian claptrap full of ridiculously adult “children.” Poor fool must have read some Atn Rand in there somewhere and bent his brain.

7 replies · active 98 weeks ago

Fletcher's avatar

Fletcher · 98 weeks ago

Holy hell, I just realized you’re right – my (lesbian) mother’s former partner was one of four daughters. Three of them were fundamentalist Mormons, two of them were out of the closet … and the other two were vociferously homophobic. It’s a cliche to say that homophobes are secretly closeted … but it would explain a lot.
You’ve got the chain wrong. This wasn’t a response to your post at all.

“I’m perfectly tolerant of any consenting adults’ right to get straight-married.”

Also, that’s a really deplorable joke. Not funny at all.

I dont even think it’s necessarily that they are all closeted sexually as much as they are emotionally. When you’ve been taught to hate something so much for no reason the internal conflict can stem from your logical brain being unable to reconcile with the irrational hate you’re being taught.
Huttj's avatar

Huttj · 98 weeks ago

In addition, if you’re denying some aspect of who you are (whether by choice, belief, cultural standard, what have you), it can lead to resentment and anger at those who, well, don’t restrain themselves.

Just gotta make sure to keep cause and effect in the right order. Angry bigot does not mean closeted repressed person, but the other direction can definitely happen.

Four kids, enduring marriage to a great woman. Yeah, definitely closeted.

Isn’t this trope all worn out by now?

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 98 weeks ago

Perhaps I could show you all the men with enduring marriages and kids that also try to get some action with men on the side, for whatever reason.

But then, I don’t really need to give you concrete examples, because your fairy dust of disbelief will blind you to the obvious.

Lonely's avatar

Lonely · 98 weeks ago

Do like me, get it for free at the library when it comes out on DVD/Bluray. With the hundreds of people in line ahead of you to see it, you know they aren’t buying too many copies bumping up sales like if you went to a place like Blockbuster, (they still exist! I know, weird, right?)

But yeah, the last two movies I’ve seen in theaters are Pacific Rim and Cowboys vs. Aliens, so I’m not going to use my rare few visits to the theater for this.

1 reply · active 98 weeks ago

I’m almost fine with that (for I really support libraries) but if a lot of people do that, the library will end up buying MORE copies of the film. Maybe the dilution level is high enough that it’s not a problem for people. Or maybe not.
Faye's avatar

Faye · 98 weeks ago

I have to separate Moffat from Doctor Who and Sherlock. I still think he is a decent writer, the best of the revival writers, but I’m not a fan of his opinions. ‘Asexuality is boring because they’re happy and there’s no drama in that’? Has he ever MET an asexual person? HAPPY? Ugh.

I will concede that sex is not a topic for Doctor Who, and as such, asexuality is hard to present in such a forum. That’s not my issue. I’m not expecting to see a member of such-and-such sexuality and/or gender identity in the show. (It’d be nice, if it managed to not be offensive, but not holding my breath. For either.)

I would like to see a proper apology (the ‘happy’ line came from his first attempt at an apology, but only made things worse) but I’m not going to quit the show over it. He is only one cog in a larger machine: I don’t support him, but I do support everyone else involved, on both sides of the camera. It’s not fair that they should have to suffer, just because of one guy.

2 replies · active 98 weeks ago

To me is sounds like he’s saying, “As a writer, Im going for maximum drama and having an asexual doctor (or was he talking about Sherlock?) limits the story I want to tell.” I don’t find that offensive if he’s saying, “For MY STORY this is not what I want to write about.” If he was making a blanket statement about humanity, then I would take issue but I do not think that was the case.

That said, isn’t Sherlock SUPPOSED to be asexual? That’s the vibe I’ve always gotten from the show.

Faye's avatar

Faye · 98 weeks ago

In this instance, he was talking about Sherlock: http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2012/jan/… – but he has also said that the Doctor is not asexual.

I picked out a couple of quotes from that article, regarding Sherlock’s sexuality. (I still linked the whole thing, because I don’t want it to seem like I’m unfairly choosing these quotes and ignoring something potentially redeeming.) I actually find the first more problematic than the second.

“There’s no indication in the original stories that he was asexual or gay. He actually says he declines the attention of women because he doesn’t want the distraction. What does that tell you about him? Straightforward deduction. He wouldn’t be living with a man if he thought men were interesting.”

“It’s the choice of a monk, not the choice of an asexual. If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that — it’s someone who abstains who’s interesting.”

The ‘apology’: “Asexuality isn’t a a boring LIFESTYLE, just less dramatic in this case. As happy is less dramatic than sad. Apart from the cake”

Capitalisation his. I don’t feel able to sum up my feelings on these quotes, so I’ll link to a good (and relatively neutral, though I may be biased) post on the subject instead. Written by a writer:
http://asexualeducation.tumblr.com/post/162608504…

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

When it comes to something extreme, like the AIDS thing you mentioned, thats one thing, thats a matter of saving lives, but when it comes to entertainment? No, you have no excuse. You cant separate a creator and his work just because you want to be entertained, if you support the work, you support the creator by extension, along with his dickhead opinions.

2 replies · active 97 weeks ago

The gray area I see in this argument is the level of involvement of the creator. If you hate me and hate my opinions, then every single bit of attention you pay to me, every dollar you spend is wasted. I get all of it (other than my costs, etc). When you buy my book or shirt I get most of the money. If a shithead writer get’s $50,000 10 years ago to option his work, then eventually the movie gets made and he has almost nothing to do with it… I just don’t think it’s the same thing. Granted, I am NOT talking about Card or Ender’s Game in this example. Card is a producer on the film and will be getting paid nicely if the film does well. Just trying to put another idea out there. Classical works and works in the public domain get adapted constantly with little to no regard for the original authors proclivities toward bigotry. Of course we also know more about people these days, and their personal lives than we ever would know about someone in the pre internet world.
lauren's avatar

lauren · 97 weeks ago

everyone is different with their ability to enjoy a work if they do not like the views or actions of the creator. personally as the work itself has no anti gay subtext, I have no problem still loving it as much as I did before I knew his personal views. I do however have problems enjoying music by the Mamas and the Papas after finding out about the creepy incest rape for years by John Phillips, but many people (my mother) still love them as one of their favorite bands. I will still, for the most part, try to never meet OSC in person, as I would probably end up yelling at him, in between fan-girlish ravings of his work, and being thought of as a crazy person I would then be committed. unfortunately not all sci fi and fantasy can have such forward thinking creators as Joss Whedon (though what a world that would be)
Julie's avatar

Julie · 98 weeks ago

So, Joel (and others talking boycott), let me ask you this, have you considered boycotting John Scalzi for his hateful comments as well?

One of my favorite authors (because he tells a “rippin’ good yarn”, not due to his politics) is an unabashed conservative, and there have been several mentions on his blog about comments Scalzi has made that seem (at least on the surface, I admit I’ve not read the direct statements in question any more than I’ve read Card’s statements on homosexuality, so either or both could be misquoted) just as full as hate for the Republicans/conservatives in the US as Card’s statements are for gays.

The reason I’m asking, is because the question I think people should be asking in this case is “Am I really against hateful speech or am I just against hateful speech against my viewpoints?”

Now, again, I’ve not read the direct quotes in either case, so it’s possible Scalzi is being misquoted, but it’s also possible Card is. But if Scalzi is saying things on his blog like conservatives are idiots who deserve no voice in modern politics (thus being a proponent against their even having a right to vote– which is a fairly fundamental US right), that’s pretty much as hate-filled as any statement Card could make about denying the rights of marriage to gays. The difference being is that most of the commenters here would probably agree with Scalzi to some extent and not to Card.

Just food for thought. Don’t really expect I’ll get a lot of agreement here, but figured I’d try. =)

8 replies · active 98 weeks ago

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Yes, yes it is wrong. Also, dont put smileys in serious discussions, it looks incredibly disrespectful
🙂 Howdy, Stranger. She’s actually right.

Isn’t childish argument fun?

“I’ve not read the direct quotes in either case, so it’s possible Scalzi is being misquoted,”

He is. John is a good friend of mine and far too intelligent to ever say something as stupid as “conservatives are idiots who deserve no voice in modern politics”. He’d called conservatives idiots, sure. Saying they deserve no voice? Doubt it. If it’s the author Im thinking of, he likes to misquote John, take his words out of context and poke, poke, poke at him in order to get a response. He’s just trying to stir shit up and people like you get caught in the middle of a misinformation storm.

Julie's avatar

Julie · 98 weeks ago

Joel, just wanted to say thank you for a calm and rational response. I accept that I am misinformed in this case, and just to clarify, (as I mentioned in response to autojim), it wasn’t the author himself (Larry Correia, if you’re really curious) who made the comments about Scalzi, but rather several commenters on that author’s blog, in response to a post the author made about the SFWA kerfuffle a few weeks back.
You’re asking the guy who Scalzi commissioned to do the art for Scalzi’s Gamma Rabbit shirt if he’s going to boycott Scalzi because of the rabid frothings of Teddy Beale (who is so determined to malign Scalzi that Beale can’t even recognize a parody even when it’s identified with flashing neon signs and arrows and a very loud PA system and has repeatedly called Scalzi a rapist based on that epic inability to recognize said parody) — without reading the original Scalzi?

Wow. Just… wow.

For the record, Scalzi has said no such things. As Joel said, he’s called some conservative policy positions idiotic, but never has he suggested that they don’t have the right to their opinions, their voices, their votes. Quite the opposite, in fact. And, if you look at who is behind district gerrymandering, polling-place misinformation campaigns, limitations on early voting, and voter ID laws that inherently discriminate against the poor, you’ll find conservatives and self-identified Tea Partiers behind each one. If you look at who took the recent SCOTUS decision vacating major portions of the Voting Rights Act and immediately started enforcing laws/policies that had been stopped by the VRA, you’ll find conservatives and self-identified Tea Partiers.

But if you only read Beale’s blog and don’t bother checking to see the originals Beale references in his own, um, “colorful” style, you’re not seeing the whole of the picture. And given Beale’s demonstrable — and habitual — slander of Scalzi, I would strongly recommend visiting the source and deciding for yourself if Beale is being honest.

Julie's avatar

Julie · 98 weeks ago

For the record, I don’t know who Teddy Beale even is. And to clarify (it was early in the morning when I wrote my post), it was commenters on the blog that were the ‘several mentions’ to which I referred, not the author himself. Yes, I didn’t research carefully, but I made a comment on a blog post, I’m not writing a political essay.

The point I was trying to make by my example was simply to highlight the difference between contemplating a boycott because one doesn’t agree with a point of view and contemplating a boycott because of how one said it. By calling it hate speech, or similar language, it sounds more like the 2nd option, and if that’s the case, the way someone makes a comment can be just as insulting from whichever standpoint the speaker comes from.

It’s a subtle distinction, perhaps, but it’s one I see a lot online, where people take offense when someone says something horrible and it’s ‘the other guy’, but when it’s ‘my guy’, well, it’s perfectly all right to say it. I threw out an example because it would make it more concrete than the abstract concepts I’ve been discussing in this reply.

Perhaps you know Beale by his pseudonym, Vox Day. He seems to be Patient Zero of the anti-Scalzi ‘net contingent. (ETA: Just saw your response to Joel. Correia is not an SFWA member, but is loosely aligned with Beale’s small faction of the SFWA and is apparently butthurt that the organization is taking steps to not be offensive to its female members in what it chooses to publish on the cover of, and inside, its official newsletter.)

I just figure if you’re going to sound off about something in a public forum, it’s a good idea to know the facts on the position you’re taking. Your mileage may vary.

As I’ve said elsewhere in the thread here, I don’t really care how OSC says what he says, nor do I want him to not be able to speak his mind. In fact, the more his message gets out there, the better, as far as I’m concerned, as it allows more people to hear – in his own words – how backward-thinking his ideas are.

It’s not about the means of expressing the idea; it’s about the idea. OSC’s oft-stated ideas regarding how an entire subset of the population should be disenfranchised from basic human rights, in the US guaranteed to all by the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment, his stated ideas that this subset of the population should be rounded up and incarcerated simply for being who they are, his stated support via funding and active leadership participation in organizations which have successfully lobbied other countries to have this subset of the population put to death are repulsive on their face. It doesn’t matter if he speaks them in a kindly, grandfatherly tone or as an angry shout laced with profanity: the *ideas* are repulsive.

Take OSC’s statements about homosexuals and replaced the word “homosexual” with “black”, “Arab”, “Asian”, “Muslim”, “Jew”, “Catholic”, “Mormon”, “Hispanic”, “athiest”, or “white”. When you do that, how does it come across? Does it sound racist or bigoted? Yes, it does: those statements are still calling for a [strikethrough]minority[/strikethrough] subset of the human population to be disenfranchised, incarcerated, and/or put to death. It doesn’t matter *what* the [strikethrough]minority[/strikethrough] subset is. It’s not mysteriously more acceptable to say those things about homosexuals than it is to say them about any other minority group.

It’s about people. And treating people equally. OSC doesn’t seem to think that’s necessary, and puts his opinion out for all to see. He also spends his money funding groups that promote discrimination against minorities, at least one of which is listed as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti-Defamation League. Because of that, I don’t really feel a compelling need to give him any of my money, however little his cut of my ticket may be.

OSC also gets a severe case of butthurt that people are calling his ideas and actions bigoted and discriminatory. It’s a common theme: “I’m free to speak my mind, and if you say I’m wrong, you’re the one doing the oppressing”. No, not at all. You’re free to speak your mind, and others are free to speak theirs, including calling your ideas wrongheaded.

The correct response to hateful speech isn’t suppressing it. The correct response is MORE speech calling it what it is.

bean's avatar

bean · 98 weeks ago

I think there’s a lot of good points here on both sides. I’m going to push my own views entirely to the side for a moment, and comment on both sides of the situation.

First off…I can completely understand why people would refuse to see the movie based on OSC’s views. The financial end of the argument makes basically no sense to me, (Because there are so many shades of grey in this situation that anyone can be the bad guy there) but the personal end of it is completely correct and well motivated. There is essentially no valid argument against it.

That said, though…Aside from the heart being in the right place, it’s unbelievably lazy ‘activism’. In my opinion, it’s in extremely poor taste to talk passionately about how you’re skipping this movie because he’s a homophobe unless You do other volunteer work to advocate for human rights. When it comes right down to it, skipping this movie is an extremely small ‘sacrifice’ compared to the people who actually put themselves out there and subject themselves to public ridicule and worse for their beliefs.

If you believe that skipping this movie is the right thing to do for your personal beliefs, then it’s simply something you ought to have done. Not something that you should talk about for a round of back patting.

Conversely, if you believe you have the right to see this movie guilt free-then by all means, go see it, but using loopholes “He has the right to free speech too” to defend your point of view only weakens it. “I wanted to see it.” is a perfectly valid position no one has the moral authority to assault.

I do apologize to all of you if you see my statements as attacking your positions. It’s not meant to be. But the increasingly intense debate here seems to me to be overlooking actual freedom of speech and thought in favor of recruiting people to your own ideological positions.

2 replies · active 98 weeks ago

bean's avatar

bean · 98 weeks ago

Addendum, Because it seems to me that I commented more on the Boycott side than the anti-boycott side, and I was trying to be equally critical to both sides:

If you are planning to go see the movie and you feel compelled to make arguments like “He has the right to free speech as well” to defend your position, You may want to re-examine your feelings on the matter. Because aside from the wobbly position you’ve placed yourself on by giving tacit approval to every single monster who has ever put out extremely offensive opinions, feeling the need to put that out there may mean that you’re not all that convinced yourself.

As I said before, if you want to see this movie, by all means, go! And I sincerely hope you enjoy it. But if you believe that you have to defend questionable opinions in order to do so-perhaps you should re-examine your position. It may be that you can’t actually go see the movie without compromising your conscience.

I suppose playing devil’s advocate is a logical debate position, but there are some limits. OSC’s opinions on human rights are his right, and we should all defend to the death his right to have them, but that doesn’t extend to defending the views themselves. Some things are really indefensible.

That in no way affects the ability to enjoy his work on it’s own merits, though.

PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 98 weeks ago

“…but using loopholes “He has the right to free speech too” to defend your point of view only weakens it. “I wanted to see it.” is a perfectly valid position no one has the moral authority to assault. ”

Yes! If you feel morally conflicted over seeing this movie, look at WHY and find what works for you. Trying to justify Card’s position so you can see a movie is pretty weak.

PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 98 weeks ago

I have been reading Orson Scott Card since I was a kid, and I love most of his books. It was a surprise to find out that Card himself is so against gays, but I guess it shouldn’t knowing he’s a Mormon (I will never understand how a faith in a greater good and dehumanizing others goes together, but it seems to happen often).

Others have pointed out that most of his books do not reflect his anti-gay sentiments. Even if Card fails, and cannot extrapolate his message of acceptance to include homosexuals as human beings, I CAN. And his writings are part of what taught me acceptance of others, no matter how different they may be.

I think most people are not arguing that Card’s WORK is anti-gay rights. They are arguing that giving him money when you KNOW he will use it to block gay rights isn’t right. This is a complicated issue, and there is no set answer. Each person really needs to decide for themselves what matters to them. I’m sorry Card feels it is acceptable to spend his time and money in that way, and I will continue to donate MY time and money to Human Rights Campaign and other organizations.

(I’m not interested in seeing the film, mostly because I just assume the movie will be terrible. I am happy with the book.)

3 replies · active 98 weeks ago

“I will never understand how a faith in a greater good and dehumanizing others goes together, but it seems to happen often”

It happens, almost exclusively. Non of the big 4 American religions (Christianity, Judaism, Islam, or Mormonism) treat all sexes or sexual identities equally. Where a particular sect does this or not, Christianity as a whole subjugates women. That’s some pretty basic failure of equality right from the get go.

“his writings are part of what taught me acceptance of others”

This is why his personal views and actions are so detrimental. When I see parents lying to their kids to get them to behave (Stop fighting, because Santa is watching you, etc), I always wonder what’s going to happen to the lesson of “stop fighting” when they learn Santa isn’t real. How about “Stop fighting because no one will ever want to be your friend if you run around hitting people all the time”? Same thing with Card. If you learned acceptance from him, then find out it was all a lie, does the lesson fade? As an adult, I doubt it would. But maybe a young teen or middleschooler wouldn’t have such an easy time making the distinction.

PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 98 weeks ago

I try to tread lightly in regards to religion – I’m not religious, at all, and I have yet to find a way to say “Your basic beliefs sound completely stupid to me” without sounding like an ass. So sometimes I shut up, and sometimes…well, sometimes I sound like an ass, because I just have to say “your basic beliefs sound completely stupid to me.”

“If you learned acceptance from him, then find out it was all a lie, does the lesson fade?”

Good point! I hadn’t thought of that, and admittedly, I didn’t JUST learn acceptance from his books. It certainly wouldn’t have stuck with me if I hadn’t already been taught “think for yourself” as the most important lesson from my parents, and read Theodore Sturgeon, Octavia Butler, Sheri Tepper, and so on. I didn’t find out about Card’s intolerance until I was an adult, which definitely does make a difference.

bean's avatar

bean · 98 weeks ago

“I will never understand how a faith in a greater good and dehumanizing others goes together, but it seems to happen often”

It happens, almost exclusively.”

I’d like to point out that faith and religion are not interchangeable concepts. Most of the breakdowns in respect for others (at least for Christianity, which I’m most familiar with) are dogma, rather than rooted in any biblical passages themselves.

The Bible goes out of it’s way to cite more than a few instances of Jesus going out of his way to hang with people that the religious leaders of the time shunned or looked down their noses at.

I suppose I’ll take heat for sticking up for the religious point of view, but I really do want to remind everyone that some of us really do take the bible’s ‘Love ALL people’ theme very seriously.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Okay, for the last time, freedom of speech means you are protected from GOVERMENT censorship, it does NOT protect you from backlash from the groups you shit on. The fact that so many of you are tripping over themselves to protect Card from the consequences of his actions is frankly deplorable.
A little off topic here, so forgive me for that, but this needs said, I think.

Some of the commentary and some of Joel’s amazement at the civility of the commentary makes me think that maybe, just maybe, we as a society need to take a closer look at how we see other people.

A lot of times I see people from differing viewpoints whether it be on gay/marriage rights, guns, abortion, whatever, automatically classifying those on the opposite side of the debate as horrible people.

Well, maybe that person who doesn’t believe in abortion helps little old ladies across the street, hits every single red cross blood drive, donates bone marrow to kids with leukemia and rescues starving puppies.

Or maybe that anti-gun person volunteers at the nursing home reading to blind, lonely old people, goes to national and state parks for the weekend not to camp but to work at maintaining trails and cleaning up trash in the backcountry, gives money to the Boy and Girl Scouts and supports FFA and 4H.

One choice or stance that disagrees with your own does not instantly transform another person into a puppy kicking axe murderer, and yet so often I see surprise when that fact is demonstrated.

Go see the movie, don’t go see the movie, it’s your choice, and if you decide to go despite your opinion of Card, then fine. If you decide to go even though you think it’s not a very “Good person” thing to do, well, own that, and do some self assessment about your beliefs.

If you decide to go because it looks to be a nifty high budget sci-fi film and you like those, and could care less about any of the politics, awesome.

And if you decide not to go because you think Card is awful and you refuse to give him your money, again, awesome.

Hurray for a free society. Now if we can just learn to be a little bit less blind in our disagreements….

6 replies · active 22 weeks ago

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Yeah, sorry, it doesnt work like that. You can be a saint in all other regards, but when you actively, ACTIVELY, oppose me for something I have no control over, you can, and pardon my french here, go fuck yourself. Your rights end where they start to infringe on mine, and I am tired of being told to be quiet and let the bigots have their day. Theyve had their day, theyve had their way for centuries, ENOUGH already!!
I’m not saying to be quiet about your beliefs. I’m saying maybe we should stop making people into complete monsters in our own minds (I’ve been guilty of it myself, though I try not to these days) because they don’t agree with our opinions and beliefs.

To me, that kind of thinking leads to holy wars and persecution on both sides.

Make your (collective) voice heard, just remember that guy on the other side of the argument isn’t an all around horrible person just for not agreeing with you, is what I’m saying.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

He might be Mother Theresa for all I care, but if he’s on the other side, he’s the enemy. It could BE Mother Theresa on the other side. All their actions other than what theyve done to me is irrelevant. They dont think of me as a human being, why should I give them that courtesy?
I’m going to make an assumption here and please correct me if I’m wrong about it, but I’m guessing you’re a homosexual. That’s only relevant because I couldn’t think of a more general way to phrase this:

You’re assuming that they don’t consider you human because you’re gay, or rather that anyone who doesn’t support gay marriage sees homosexual people as sub-human, and that’s just not true. Yes, there are people in the world who loudly proclaim that kind of nonsense, but they aren’t everyone, and just because someone may have the same stance on one issue doesn’t mean they agree with *everything* the worst examples say.

Alternately, insert whatever issue you’re passionate about into this statement.

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

FarmGirl, how come the person who actively opposes the human rights of others has to have his humanity respected, but no such expectation is made of the bigot in the first place?

Nobody is assuming Card views members of a certain minority group as sub-human–that part was demonstrated. You may have noticed, it’s actually the topic here.
Opposing human rights isn’t a neutral position that decent people can have–it is beyond the pale.

Pat's avatar

Pat · 22 weeks ago

“persecution on both sides”

The topic of the conversation is literally persecution.
The persecution side is, in fact, more guilty of persecution than the anti-persecution side.

Card’s actions don’t make him evil–they PROVE that he is. That isn’t erased because he once saw a puppy without kicking it.

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 98 weeks ago

Really? Thats your rebuttal? A remake of a movie of a book that wasnt that great in the first place might usher in a new era of science fiction movies, and if we dont see it we are punishing the poor movie industry?
The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 98 weeks ago

I think the point is that whether or not you see it, if you’re not seeing it because of OSC beliefs, then DO something to counteract him.
And if you’re seeing it and don’t care for his public stance, then you can still DO something about it.

Or, if you don’t give a flying fig and don’t want to do anything while you see/don’t see the movie, that’s your choice too.

I’ll reserve my minority 2nd class citizen outrage for something of slightly more import than just one general release movie.

Nick's avatar

Nick · 98 weeks ago

In life there is no true BLACK or WHITE path to follow. We all just sort-of meander down a dusty grey trail.
I would point out that the idea some have promoted that _Ender’s Game_ is a near-universally lauded “classic” is rather seriously overstated.

To quote one of my favorite authors (David Brin) on the book – “Boy genius Ender Wiggin trains to save the world from alien Buggers. A blatant ‘chosen one’ fantasy that appeals to the Harry Potter ‘I’m a demigod’ reflex.”

And for anyone who claims there’s no anti-gay content to the book – it’s mentioned right there: BUGGERS. Interesting that he chose a term that could apply to an insectoid species – or to a kind of sex that people who loathe gay folk fixate on.

Want to send the right message to Hollywood? Skip Ender’s Game and go see Europa Report.

4 replies · active 98 weeks ago

PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 98 weeks ago

Interesting take on choosing the slang term “buggers” for the alien race. Did you read Ender’s Game, or any of the other books? Because the buggers have a voice through Ender, and are further developed as a species that were maligned and misunderstood.
No, I’ve never read the book; it’s never sounded interesting to me and since finding out how hateful OSC is – now even less so.
PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 98 weeks ago

Understood, not recommending the book if you’re not interested – just saying the buggers are never actually drawn as the enemy in the books. It is clear in ALL the books that the buggers are considered our enemies through a lack of communication, not because they are evil.
The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 98 weeks ago

So, is that irony I’m smelling, or is it just my upper lip and the c*m-soaked ‘stache on it?

(And I’m joking…I don’t have a ‘stache and I shower after the secks)

Jingy's avatar

Jingy · 98 weeks ago

The idea of boycotting “sending the studio a message about working with hate mongers”, isn’t realistic or accurate in reality.

All you’re really promoting for that studio, any other studios, or society in general is “Don’t work with people with unpopular political opinions”. Which only serves to discourage political activity, taking part in our political process, or speaking out.
It just teaches Hollywood and our culture in general to be more afraid of being politically incorrect, or of being caught supporting the “wrong” ideas.

And ultimately, what are the “wrong” ideas? the losing side, the “politically incorrect” side, and the “minority” opinions. None of which means they are ACTUALLY wrong, because as we know many of our most important beliefs today would have fallen under those categories in the past (gay rights, even women’s right, both would have been seen in those categories back when)

By trying to teach Hollywood/big business/etc not to work with bigots like OSC, you’re really teaching them to avoid any vocal individuals whose opinions might offend any sizable group. Which in turn is teaching any remotely public figure not to stick their neck out and support their beliefs if there is any risk of those beliefs being controversial.
“Gee, I better not speak out/support/contribute to this cause I believe in, because if it becomes controversial, no studio/publisher/manufacturer/investor/etc will come anywhere near me”.

And it extends beyond effects on “public figures” (as ever social trend ends up doing). Business owners have to start fearing revealing any of their political opinions, because then those with the opposing opinions will boycott them. people in need of investors, people in any influential/powerful job, people who just want to get that promotion/raise even have to start worrying “sure I’d like to sign that petition/donate to that cause/attend that rally, BUT, if my bosses find out, they may not give me that promotion/raise/etc because the company is afraid to appear like it supports this cause by proxy”.
And you just end up with people hollowly agreeing with whatever seems safest at that current moment, regardless of what they really think. Or worse yet, being so blindly obedient to majority rules thinking that they don’t even HAVE their own opinions.

All boycotting a movie, due to the unrelated personal beliefs of one person involved, does in the end is punish political involvement/support. And further empowers the already strong tend towards the mindless following of the All Mighty Deity that is “Political Correctness”.

Also, when the tide has gone the other way, and people who publicly supported things such as gay rights, were punished for it in their professional lives, we all agree that is horrible, wrong and shameful. But then when the shoe is now on the other foot, you’re all suddenly in favor of destroying someones professional life (which face it, if you’re saying no studio should work with OSC again, then you’re saying no one should employ him ever again), because he supported a cause you believe is wrong (ok, yeah it IS wrong. 100%. He’s a total shit for sure, but the principle still stands despite that fact).
Even if I may technically approve of the net result, I F’ing HATE double standards.
Yes OSC is a bigoted dick, who deserves to be repeatedly kicked in the shin every time he walks down the street. But saying that he should be black balled for his political beliefs is to validate every time a person has had their career ruined for supporting any idea currently seen as “wrong”. And the world would be an even shitter place if the “powers that be” (in this case, just a movie studio) always caved to that sort of popular opinion strong-arming.

just another seven foot doofus's avatar

just another seven foot doofus · 85 weeks ago

…yup…the band Disturbed…I enjoy their music, but as a person, I find David Draiman to be a reprehensible bag of snot…Hosted them at a bar I ran years ago, and his diva attitude (utterly unjustified especially as they were an emerging band at the time) pissed off my bouncers and I so badly that we threw them off the stage…well, they escalated it to the point of violence in the alleyway behind the bar…they lost…local radio stations gave them honestly deserved, brutal abuse for days thereafter, and although I do still enjoy the music, it’ll never feel quite the same, and I buy their CD’s used so they receive nothing from me…
mist42nz's avatar

mist42nz · 68 weeks ago

As long as he’s not selling his hate through the show, his views are his business.

What phobic things he does in the privacy of this own home, or through the right of free speech, that doesn’t resent actual hate inciting…is his business.

1 reply · active 68 weeks ago

It’s not a show, it’s a book that was made into a movie. And his views ARE his business and, as a public figure, the business of anyone that decides to support/not support his creative endeavors. Free speech allows him the right to say what ever hateful thing he likes, but not to be free from the consequences of his actions. Card uses his money to support discriminatory legislation and buying his books or seeing his movie gives him more money. If the informed consumer wants to limit his ability to fund hatred, depriving him of more money (and encouraging like minded consumers to do the same) is an effective means of fighting back.

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Sharks Can’t Sleep https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sharks-cant-sleep/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sharks-cant-sleep/#comments Fri, 12 Jul 2013 14:12:00 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3469

Wil and I made you a Sparks McGee T-Shirt! And we made a bunch of other t-shirts for that matter. Confused? Of course you are! Read up on Sparks McGee and his awesome adventures. The $9.95 closeout T-shirt sale is still going on in the HE Store. Here’s an update as to what sizes are left. I enjoyed absolutely everything about […]]]>

Wil and I made you a Sparks McGee T-Shirt! And we made a bunch of other t-shirts for that matter.

sparks mcgee t-shirt wil wheaton sharksplode

Confused? Of course you are! Read up on Sparks McGee and his awesome adventures.

The $9.95 closeout T-shirt sale is still going on in the HE Store. Here’s an update as to what sizes are left.

I enjoyed absolutely everything about Syfy’s Sharknado. If you didn’t watch it for whatever reason, you missed; a guy from 90210 shooting at least a dozen sharks out of the sky with a pistol from maybe a mile away, his son flying a helicopter into the titular Sharknado to drop pipe bombs into it, so many horrendous special FX (the movie would jump from HD, to SD to 90’s webcam resolution depending on how many FX were on screen at any given time), at least 3 scenes involving nothing but stock footage, sharks in a living room, sharks on the roofs of skyscrapers, sharks in the pool at the old folks home and the chainsaw… we musnt’ forget the chainsaw. Sweet miserable bastard, the chainsaw. I don’t think any other movie has caused me to audibly gasp then exclaim, “Don’t you dare. You monsters,” just before the climax.

Sharknado was certainly worth my time (a sentence that, upon reading it, and knowing full well that I typed it myself, I still do not understand), though the best part was watching it live with a bunch of my friends via Twitter. Many of my best friends are people I only see at conventions, which means we rarely, if ever have a chance to just sit down and enjoy making fun of a crappy movie together. Live tweeting Sharknado with Wil and Anne and Yuri made them not seem so far away and made me feel like we were all in the same room together having a good time (THEY actually were ALL in the same room together, but whatever). I guess my hope is some of the people watching the movie and reading along via Twitter with us felt like they were in the room too, and got to share in the experience of celebrating a truly majestic train wreck.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch Sharknado and possibly read along with my live tweets? Can you enjoy “So bad it’s good” movies are do you view all these Syfy Shark+whatever movies as “So bad it’s bad?” Any favorites in the genre?

Comments (38)

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Why is the bass not singing “Take Me To The River?”

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

Not even a Hurricanine?
blaring's avatar

blaring · 101 weeks ago

Much better than my idea: “El Crabño”
Poodles McGee's avatar

Poodles McGee · 101 weeks ago

I didn’t watch Sharknado, but I did follow along with your and Anne’s and Will’s tweets about it when I should have been studying/cleaning. Frankly, it was awesome and I have no regrets about being another day behind on school stuff.

The whole thing about you and them and all the other webcomic people whose stuff I read that I really love is that you guys all know each other and are at least respected colleagues if not outright friends. Watching you joke around and encourage each other and talk shop on Twitter and Tumblr gives people like me (who have a hard time making friends) a chance to sort of vicariously hang out with some really nice, hilarious people. The community/camaraderie you guys have is just as big a part of why I’m so enamored of webcomics as the actual comics themselves.

Sorry for the big sloppy love letter.

2 replies · active 101 weeks ago

That’s really kind of you to say. Just so you know, MOST of the webcomics type people I am friends with would describe themselves as “has a hard time making friends” too.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce · 101 weeks ago

I think a lot of the introverted type of people would say that. Somehow I’ve wound up with a lot of friends who also have trouble making friends. And the obligatory outlier about whom it has to be said “no, she isn’t being sarcastic, she really IS that happy to meet you” at some discreet point after making introductions.
Antonius's avatar

Antonius · 101 weeks ago

BLIZARD!
Leshka's avatar

Leshka · 101 weeks ago

Not having TV, I was spared the knowledge of the exact time this movie came out. I did know it was arriving, though. One day a few weeks ago I was wearing my Sci-Fi movie title generator T-shirt and my friends and I were making up names. We figured Sharknado was an awesome title, and one guy searched online to tell us that, yes, someone else thought it was a good idea as well. Sad to say two other names were also actual movies (or close enough for Syfy exec work.)
Green's avatar

Green · 101 weeks ago

Yeah, I got to say, never been a fan of ironically watching stuff. Especially when the producers are *deliberately* trying to appeal to that crowd. Sharknado and the others of its ilk are all just, as you put it, so-bad-it’s-bad. 😛

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

I hear what you’re saying, but let me assure you there was ZERO irony involved in my Sharknado enjoyment. I was actually laughing hysterically for close to 2 hours which is a pretty genuine expression of emotion in my book.
MrPlow99's avatar

MrPlow99 · 100 weeks ago

With a sequel “Tsunhami 2: When Pigs Fly”
Bryce's avatar

Bryce · 101 weeks ago

I haven’t seen Sharknado, but do-bad-it’s-good movies really depend on the company. I saw Ninja Assassin (which since it was about an ex-ninja assassin who killed ninja assassins should have been named Ninja Assassin-Assassinating Ninja) and it was a hoot, but had I been alone I would have turned it off a few minutes in. Those kind of movies need people with whom to share your theories about ninja being trained to leap in front of speeding cars and pose menacingly before being hit.
I would totally buy a “Crabalanche!”-Shirt.

1 reply · active 100 weeks ago

Chaucer59 's avatar

Chaucer59 · 100 weeks ago

Isn’t that something they serve at Joe’s Crab Shack. Tumbling from a mountain of curly fries beside a babbling butter brook?
I have some friends who regularly get together and trash bad SF movies. Usually, it’s dollar-bin movies, but I think they may have done this one live. Those are great, Joel! Crabalanche! Nor’Easter Bunny… LOL!
xero's avatar

xero · 101 weeks ago

Piranhacano half Piranha half volcvano
Lynn's avatar

Lynn · 101 weeks ago

I would totally watch “Big Mouth Bassteroid”
KingMeIV's avatar

KingMeIV · 101 weeks ago

Just watched Sharknado with my best friend last night, and I agree with everything you’ve said 100%. We regularly watch so-bad-it’s-good movies together, and these days they’re mostly Asylum Films. I have to recommend 3 Musketeers. Tagline? “All for one, and guns for all”.
bobblebrad's avatar

bobblebrad · 101 weeks ago

I’m seeing a possible title for the next book Joel… “Fancy Basteroid 2: Deep Hampact” Does Bruce Willis do audio books?

1 reply · active 99 weeks ago

petsinwinter's avatar

petsinwinter · 101 weeks ago

I watched it and followed along with your live tweets.
According to my dad, who was watching the hashtag instead, twitter turned into MST3K that night.
Do you listen to the “How Did This Get Made?” podcast? Every episode is such a love letter to so-bad-it’s-good movies, they make me laugh all the time (even when I disagree on the movie, and think it was just bad).

I will have to track down Sharknado, because it sounds amazing!

1 reply · active 100 weeks ago

Yeah, HDTGM is one of my favorites.
Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 100 weeks ago

Im of the “So Bad Its Bad” school of thought. A bad movie isnt enjoyable to me, its just annoying and frustrating to watch. That someone took the time to make that garbage, and then expected people to enjoy it, is frankly just insulting. Its even worse when they try to be all self referential like they know it sucks, but then dont bother changing anything, because everything has to be goddamn meta now.
weaselspoon's avatar

weaselspoon · 100 weeks ago

I love So Bad It’s Good films. They’ve got to be a particular kind of bad, and then you have to go in knowing they are bad. When you’re at the cinema watching Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (or any Troma for that matter) or The Room (ye gods, The Room), it becomes the audience united in laughing at the film.

I recently watched a film called Leviathon that had just won a major award and was definitely meant to be good. Half the audience walked out, and I clung on to the end but it didn’t improve. That was mostly awful because having been told this is an award winning film, your hopes are up. Had I known what to expect, we’d have thrown popcorn and shouted at the screen and it would have been fun.

After that, we saw Frankenstein’s Army. We threw popcorn and shouted at the screen. It was awesome. The director was there and he was awesome.

1 reply · active 100 weeks ago

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 100 weeks ago

See, thats the stuff that bugs me. I can kind of forgive a movie for sucking if the director really gave it his best, but was limited by resources or his own lack of talent or whatever, like Ed Wood, but when the director has this painful self satisfied “look at this horrible movie I did” attitude, and actually goes to showings himself, its just… ugh. If youre not even going to TRY making a good movie, what the hell are you making movies for at all?
Birdemic 2: Because We Hate Absolutely Everyone!
Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59 · 100 weeks ago

Yeah, my Dave So-Bad-It’s-Good entries also incoude a Troma delight: Chopper Chicks in Zombietown. Another that actually meant to be funny and occasionally succeeded we Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes, starring John Astin and a very young George Clooney. The pizza delivery guy comes to the spooky old mansion where Astin is turning tomatoes into muscle-bound hunks, and pizza boy sees all the big musclemen strolling the grounds carrying HKs and asks, “Who are all these guys.” The tomato-girl bimbo, in a perfectly robotic voice replies, “They are gardeners and carpenters. They are not tomato men.”

Classic.

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59 · 100 weeks ago

Ugh. Gotta edit these iPhone posts that should be “my fave entries” and well, I guess the other typos are pretty obvious.
People! Spoiler Alert warnings please! Canada is getting this cinematic gem on Thursday!

I can’t wait for the scene in the diner when the shark fakes an orgasm and the old shark across the restaurant says “I’ll feeding frenzy what they’re feeding frenzy!”

Tonny J.'s avatar

Tonny J. · 5 weeks ago

Im of the “So Bad Its Bad” school of thought. A bad movie isnt enjoyable to me, its just annoying and frustrating to watch. That someone took the time to make that garbage, and then expected people to enjoy it, is frankly just insulting. Its even worse when they try to be all self referential like they know it sucks, but then dont bother changing anything, because everything has to be goddamn meta now.
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Jaeger Bomb https://hijinksensue.com/comic/jaeger-bomb/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/jaeger-bomb/#respond Wed, 10 Jul 2013 04:27:46 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3463

Wil and I made you a Sparks McGee T-Shirt!  Confused? Of course you are! Read up on Sparks McGee and his awesome adventures. Guys, please go see Pacific Rim. Let’s cancel this film’s financial apocalypse before it happens. Let’s be the giant robot heroes that stand up for the a movie that is basically a love letter to […]]]>

Wil and I made you a Sparks McGee T-Shirt! 

sparks mcgee t-shirt wil wheaton sharksplode

Confused? Of course you are! Read up on Sparks McGee and his awesome adventures.

Guys, please go see Pacific Rim. Let’s cancel this film’s financial apocalypse before it happens. Let’s be the giant robot heroes that stand up for the a movie that is basically a love letter to monters movies, robot movies, sci-fi, and nearly everything I hold dear all at the same time. Seriously, if my kid was in this movie I would probably cry just thinking about it.

Remember a few years ago when all the economists said the economy was going to go in the shitter, so people got terrified and stopped buying stuff and the economy went in the shitter? The jackbags calling an early death for Pacific Rim are participating in the same self fulling negativity. The more people that read “this movie is probably going to loose a hundred million dollars,” the more people are going to say “Meh, that won’t be good enough for the theater. I’ll see it on the bluetubes.” Stand up for scifi and robots and monsters and Idris Elba! GO SEE PACIFIC RIM THIS WEEKNED!

[Sweet miserable crapbastards, please don’t let this be another Prometheus…]

COMMENTERS: Have you ever assumed something (a movie, a tv show, a book, a game, a whatever) was no good because you read a bunch of negative press about it (not bad reviews, just general negativity), only to find out later that it was great? On the other hand, what thing that was SUPER HYPED WITH OVERWHELMING POSITIVITY were you the most disappointed in?  

Comments (41)

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jjp's avatar

jjp · 101 weeks ago

District 9
The Lone Ranger.

What? I liked it!

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

Myles's avatar

Myles · 101 weeks ago

Woo! High five!

I think part of why I liked it was expecting it to be a 3-4 out of 10 at best, so I was pleasantly surprised it was about a 7 for me. Also, having few to no expectations due to never having seen/heard any old lone ranger episodes.

Kernanator's avatar

Kernanator · 101 weeks ago

Meanwhile, in Ancient Greece, someone complains that they like Hercules better when he was called Gilgamesh.
You’re our only hope.
Daveren's avatar

Daveren · 101 weeks ago

godspeed you fancy bastard.
Fren's avatar

Fren · 101 weeks ago

Whether or not it sucks, I’m giving them my money just to support the concept. We NEED more film like this. Where’s my live-action Voltron?

I’m just glad they stopped making films based on board games. Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots: The Movie was horrid, Battleship was worse, and Hungry Hungry Hippos the TV program is bluh. Give us more kaiju!

2 replies · active 101 weeks ago

lou's avatar

lou · 101 weeks ago

There’s a Hungry hungry Hippos TV show?!
Fren's avatar

Fren · 101 weeks ago

You may refer to it as Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo.
Super hyped with overwhelming positivity, but ended up sucking? Easy.

Star Wars: Episode I.

Remember how excited we all were when the trailers came out for that? It was going to be so great! *sobs*

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

Had the world ended after the trailers for episode 1 but before the movie came out, we’d all be happier.
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 101 weeks ago

All of the Matrix movies.

I read/heard bad things about the first one, which turned out to be awesome.
Everyone super-hyped *all others* which sucked so much I refuse to admit they exist.
The “story” didn’t need them.

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

Myles's avatar

Myles · 101 weeks ago

wait, you heard the first sucked but the others were awesome?

Your friends are from a mirror universe. Draw goatees on their faces then kill them to preserve the sanctity of our existence.

Godzilla. The one in the late 90’s with the guy from that movie where he does that thing.

2 replies · active 101 weeks ago

Oh man. That was a MEDIA FUCKTON BLITZ, wasn’t it? I probably still have one of those Taco Bell cups somewhere.
Oh god…. I have the movie on VHS somewhere. I was young and naive and knew nothing of the true greatness of the King of Monsters so I thought it was a good film…

That’s all been rectified now that I know better

Dave's avatar

Dave · 101 weeks ago

Got to see a free advance screening of Pacific Rim yesterday.

GO SEE THIS MOVIE. I never watch movies twice but I’m going this weekend because it’s good enough that I should have paid for it…. so I will.

It is SO much fun you guys. It’s the perfect example of the difference between a big dumb fun movie that doesn’t ask you to think and a big asshole movie that assumes you are too stupid to think.

Beautiful fun escapism as opposed to whatever the hell Michael Bay thinks he’s doing.

Go See It.

2 replies · active 101 weeks ago

Dave's avatar

Dave · 101 weeks ago

Go see it and find out for yourself!
Katie's avatar

Katie · 101 weeks ago

Prometheus. I caught it on cable recently and really enjoyed it. Yeah, there are some plot problems with it, but not enough to warrant the hate it got.

As for a super-hyped shitty movie… I don’t know. Maybe Sucker Punch? Was that movie super-hyped? I know I absolutely hated it.

2 replies · active 101 weeks ago

It wasn’t so much super hyped as it was SUPER directed at nerds, so I think we felt it more than most. And yes it was terrible.
HandiGoat's avatar

HandiGoat · 101 weeks ago

I think that movie was more of a demographic fail than an honestly bad movie. As an appreciator of both nerditry and “film art”-type-movies, I would put it 100% in the latter category. My girlfriend (who mostly loves foreign and independent films) absolutely adores it.
Jenn's avatar

Jenn · 101 weeks ago

I have never assumed a movie would be bad and got a surprise of goodness, but I have had a hyped up movie disappoint me… Avatar was NOT as good as everyone said it was. I am not saying it was horrible, I just felt it was merely an ok film that was hyped to be the be all and end all of the film world. A CG’d live action FernGully is all I got out of that.
Kirby's avatar

Kirby · 101 weeks ago

I’m bad at not liking things. I’ve only ever disliked one movie that I’ve seen, and that was because I was a kid, wanted to see a war movie, and went to see Jarhead.

I always like movies when I go to see them. Sucker Punch, John Carter, the Matrix Sequels… the Star Wars Prequels… etc.

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

lou's avatar

lou · 101 weeks ago

You’re a brave person to admit those things.
Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59 · 101 weeks ago

God, so many bad, over-hyped movies:

Avatar (Dances with Toruks or Ferngully in Space)

Aliens (Alien was a brilliant horror movie. Aliens was a 2hr 17 minute long demo for a single-shooter video game)

There Will Be Blood (should have been here called There Will Be Rigo Mortis)

Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet (Branagh must still be picking scenery out of his teeth)

Dances With Wolves (if I were Lakota Sioux, I would hunt down and kill Kevin Costner with my bear hands)

2 replies · active 101 weeks ago

Upvoted for Avatar; wanted to downvote for Aliens.
HandiGoat's avatar

HandiGoat · 101 weeks ago

You’re so racist: Native Americans don’t actually have bear hands. They do have eagle wings, however.
Candace's avatar

Candace · 101 weeks ago

Yeah, I thought Avatar was overrated, too.

I don’t usually let bad reviews put me off of seeing a movie I otherwise would want to see. I often find that I disagree with critics and the opinions of the majority.

John Carter. I’m the only person I know who saw it in theatres and everyone I know who saw it later loved it.

1 reply · active 100 weeks ago

anxiety.junkie's avatar

anxiety.junkie · 100 weeks ago

This +1000. I loved this movie, and I actually have read the book (and most of the sequels). Love it.
HandiGoat's avatar

HandiGoat · 101 weeks ago

Pleasantly surprised by: Harry Potter. I was expecting a bunch of kids’ movies. What I got was a bunch of teenager movies, so I’ll call that a win.
When Legally Blonde first came out, I thought “Oh, great, a movie about a rich ditzy blonde – PASS!”

And then much later I saw the film described in ways that made me think “wait – WHAT?” and I rented it… and discovered how dreadfully wrong I’d been. I don’t know if the advertising was misleading or if it was my own internal biases or a little of both, but it’s now one of my favorite films. (The sequel… not so much; the main reason to see that is for Bob Newhart.)

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

Trebor's avatar

Trebor · 101 weeks ago

I thought it’d be such a chick flick that I refused to acknowledge it when it came to the cinema. Then when a friend got me the DVD as a *Joke* present I decided to watch it one afternoon when I was bored. I couldn’t believe how funny it was and Reese Witherspoon did such a good job with the part.
Just saw Pacific Rim. Delightful fun. Robots smash monsters.
Now I want Guillermo del Toro to direct a Rufallo Hulk movie.
Mcecny's avatar

Mcecny · 100 weeks ago

Pacific Rim was fantastic! Great movie
Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 100 weeks ago

The Dark Knight Rises. UGH. Such a great predecessor, and Nolan gives us that trainwreck?
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Handshake Deal https://hijinksensue.com/comic/handshake-deal/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/handshake-deal/#respond Tue, 02 Jul 2013 05:30:08 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3458

 Guys, Turbo looks BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. By which I mean to say it looks AWFUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLL. By which I also mean to say, kids are going to love this shit and it’s going to make a billion dollars and I am probably going to have to take my daughter to see it. You know what looks cute? The […]]]>

 Guys, Turbo looks BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD. By which I mean to say it looks AWFUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLL. By which I also mean to say, kids are going to love this shit and it’s going to make a billion dollars and I am probably going to have to take my daughter to see it.

You know what looks cute? The Boxtrolls.

COMMENTERS: What kids movie were you dragged to by your little ones that you actually ended up enjoying? What kids movie were you dragged to that, upon completion, you wished you had been subsequently dragged into a hole in the dirt, covered in dirt and left there to become more dirt?

I really enjoyed How to Train Your Dragon way more than I assumed I would. I actually nodded off during Cars 2. That was a hell of a joyless cashgrab. I accidentally wrote “cashcrab” then changed it, but I think cashcrab fits. Fuck that cashcrab.

Comments (18)

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Best: Toy Story; Worst: Anything Pokemon
Greg's avatar

Greg · 102 weeks ago

My little girls are just a little bit too little to drag me to films however I foresee lots of Princesses and fairies in my movie-going future. Kill me now.

1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

Greg's avatar

Greg · 102 weeks ago

That said, if “Ben and Holly” (a British children’s cartoon) ever do a movie version, I’d see that happily, it’s actually rather good.
Hot tip: don’t actually fuck that cashcrab. Chitin chafes.
Chris's avatar

Chris · 102 weeks ago

Easy – the Last Airbender – that was atrocious.

1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

Ali's avatar

Ali · 102 weeks ago

Every mention of that film makes me cringe.
seriously's avatar

seriously · 102 weeks ago

My young nephew and niece drag me to a kiddie movie every time they visit and so far the best was Despicable Me, the worst Oogieloves.
Brit's avatar

Brit · 102 weeks ago

No kids, but my former roommate let her inner child shine through way too much when it came to watching movies. Did you know there are three sequels to the Swan Princess? Three! And one of them is a Christmas movie. Luckily when you don’t have to be responsible for the interested party’s upbringing you can turn crappy kiddie movies into drinking games.
Watching kids movies is the best part of being a dad… OK, one of the best… I usually really like the kids movies.

My Little Pony is one of the worst things about being a dad…

1 reply · active 99 weeks ago

Josh's avatar

Josh · 99 weeks ago

I was surprised that My Little Pony is actually clever and funny sometimes. Strawberry Shortcake and the Care Bears make me want to open a vein, though.
I don’t have one for myself since I don’t have kids but I can tell you the “kids” movie my father enjoyed the most that he took me to when I was in 5th grade. PORKY’S. 😉 true story.
jiynx's avatar

jiynx · 101 weeks ago

wallace and grommit was probably as much for me as for my son…

my kids are odd… kids movies they’re like eh, but my son is practically rabid over ‘pacific rim’, and my daughter is a total nut for kung-fu movies…

1 reply · active 101 weeks ago

jiynx's avatar

jiynx · 101 weeks ago

ages eight and six, respectively.
Fren's avatar

Fren · 101 weeks ago

Encourage your daughter. She sounds rad. Your son’s already on the right track.
Stephen's avatar

Stephen · 101 weeks ago

In regards to the cashcrab: the guy in the last panel is making crab hands. Love your comics. Even (sometimes especially) the lo-fi ones.
In a couple years you’ll also have to take her to see “Turbo 3: That Snail Is In A Slightly Different Setting Now.”
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The Story Of Us https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-story-of-us/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-story-of-us/#comments Wed, 26 Jun 2013 23:53:29 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3453

CLOSEOUT SALE in the HE Store is still going on!  These shirts are marked down to $14.95 and leaving the HE Blind Ferret Store for good! Team Edward, Ewok Stare, Show Us On The Trilogy, Winter Is Coming and Sci-Five Ladies versions of these shirts are on sale too! These shirts are marked down to $9.95! Ovipositor, Unicorn Poop, And My Axe (Ladies), SyFy Movie Title Generator and British Knights Comic Eli might […]]]>

CLOSEOUT SALE in the HE Store is still going on! 

These shirts are marked down to $14.95 and leaving the HE Blind Ferret Store for good!

Team Edward, Ewok Stare, Show Us On The Trilogy, Winter Is Coming and Sci-Five
Ladies versions of these shirts are on sale too!

These shirts are marked down to $9.95!

Ovipositor, Unicorn Poop, And My Axe (Ladies), SyFy Movie Title Generator and British Knights

Comic Eli might pick Blazing Saddles as humanity’s most defining cultural work, but I have a feeling Eli IRL would probably go with something a little more rogue Russian submarine captain themed, if you know what I mean.

COMMENTERS: What’s the one movie that you feel sums up your sense of humor? What movie does someone have to get in order to get you? I’ve been wrestling with this question for a while and I’m not 100% certain what my answer would be. It might be UHF. I just might be.

Comments (66)

I’m not sure, maybe Spaceballs.
Though UHF is a damn good choice.
Candace's avatar

Candace· 100 weeks ago

Both worthy choices.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 100 weeks ago

I was going to use those two movies to ballpark mine as well. A mix of dark humor and sarcastic wit.
Meg Danger's avatar

Meg Danger· 100 weeks ago

The Rock. Always and forever.
Mr Anaglyph's avatar

Mr Anaglyph· 100 weeks ago

The Great Dictator (Charlie Chaplin)
Perhaps UHF, Spaecballs, Young Frankenstein and Batman
I would say GNFOS, but mostly because fake Eli already stole my real answer.

1 · active 100 weeks ago

halfway through googling that, I remembered what it was.
Cannibal: The Musical & Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. My best friend introduced me to the first, I showed her the latter, and we knew then we’d be BFFs.
Dave's avatar

Dave· 100 weeks ago

The Big Lebowski and The Hudsucker Proxy
pretty much anything Cohen Brothers… except maybe Ladykillers.

Long Live The Hud

Rabite's avatar

Rabite· 100 weeks ago

Anybody who disagrees with Blazing Saddles is a traitor to humanity.
Kier's avatar

Kier· 100 weeks ago

Silverado: You’re wearing my hat.
Candace's avatar

Candace· 100 weeks ago

Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and/or Young Frankenstein.

1 · active 100 weeks ago

I almost said “Grail” for mine, but I started thinking back to when and how those two movies affected me. I saw UHF when I was probably 8 years old and Weird Al was the very first introduction I ever had to comedy, parody, and popular music. His impact on my comedic sensibilities are tremendous. I saw Holy Grail when I was about 11 and it completely turned my brain upside down. I laughed longer and harder than I ever had up until that point in my short life. It completely opened my eyes to an entirely new way of looking at comedy and restructured the way I perceived what was funny from that point onward. Still, I dont think I would have been as susceptible to it, had I not had the foundation in comedy that I’d gotten from Al.
I feel the same way about The Dude, and if I’m being 100% honest, it is probably the comedic move that has the biggest correlation to what I consider funny TODAY. UHF might top my list since it had such an overall impact on what I considered funny as a child, but is also still funny to me today for completely different reasons. That said, every single time I see Lebowski I catch something, some subtle nuance that I hadn’t noticed before. It’s certainly in my top 3 “You must get these to get me” movies.
Megan's avatar

Megan· 100 weeks ago

Blazing Saddles, Big Lebowski and Anchorman are my holy trinity.

1 · active 100 weeks ago

Im SOOOOOOOO worried about the Anchorman sequel.
Real Men. “You never forget the first time you save the world”
See? You almost want to have a “cooler” answer, but you have to be honest with yourself.
Duck Soup.

Consequently, to some extent, Brain Donors.

1 · active 100 weeks ago

UnderTheDark's avatar

UnderTheDark· 100 weeks ago

Holy sh*tsnacks, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone outside of my immediate family that’s even HEARD of Brain Donors!
it’s not well known, but I always recommend “The President’s Analyst”… a little dated but sums up the 1960s perfectly: American intelligence agencies fighting each other more than the Soviets, Telephone Company is the ultimate Big Bad – sorry, SPOILER – Freudian analysts, D.C. elites, hippies, suburban gun nuts, NOBODY is spared, plus a scifi angle that is just now coming true about ‘implantable telephones’ and the greatest line ever uttered in a movie “I’m NOT paranoid! You really ARE all spies!”

GO. FIND. IT. AND. WATCH.

oof. I would have been right there with you had I not rewatched it earlier this year. For me, it doesn’t hold up at all.
MichaelH's avatar

MichaelH· 100 weeks ago

Airplane! without a doubt.

1 · active 100 weeks ago

I would second Airplane wuth a side of Top Secret.

“I know a little German….He’s sitting right over there.”

Allen's avatar

Allen· 100 weeks ago

It’s probably a tossup between UHF and Ghostbusters.

2 replies · active 100 weeks ago

Allen's avatar

Allen· 100 weeks ago

And I should probably add in The Princess Bride.
FUCK! I hadn’t considered Ghostbusters. Yep. Add that one to the list.
Correct answer. Blazing Saddles is the best of movies. Nothing better than the scene where Slim Pickens is very nicely asking that Roger Korman “Hang that nigg** up by his neck until he was dead” just as sweet as he could be. Then Korman going outside and seeing the hangman from Robin Hood Men in Tights handing a man and his horse.
Batman1016's avatar

Batman1016· 100 weeks ago

“The Paper” by Stephen and David Koepp, directed by Ron Howard, and starring Michael Keaton, Glenn Close, Randy Quaid, Marissa Tomei, Robert Duvall, plus an ensemble cast of all-star extras. A day in the life of a slightly trashy New York Newspaper. A bit dated, pre-internet, but still awesome. Whedon-class dialog, lightning fast deadpan wit, and so many little subplots and throw-away one-liners that you can’t possibly catch everything in one viewing, or even two viewings. You MUST watch it repeatedly to see it all. So snarky and speedy and clever. One of the best movies ever made.

Also, “The Aristocrats.” Because I’m also a twisted bastard.

monkeymadness's avatar

monkeymadness· 100 weeks ago

The Room. If that doesn’t speak for the world, then I don’t know what we’ve become.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Miggor's avatar

Miggor· 100 weeks ago

I would have to say Clerks. But I also highly recommend Eagle vs Shark, not a monster mashup movie as you might suspect, but technically a romcom. But far far better than a romcom.
Matt's avatar

Matt· 100 weeks ago

Heathers. Definitely Heathers.
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2· 100 weeks ago

Meatballs is one of my all-time favorite fun-filled films. Probably ’cause I saw it when it first came out and was the first Bill Murray film I ever saw. Besides just being wicked funny, it really has a pretty sweet, uplifting story.
Bryan's avatar

Bryan· 100 weeks ago

I’m torn between Anchorman and GalaxyQuest.
Adam D.'s avatar

Adam D.· 100 weeks ago

Even though it’s an action Movie, I’d have to say the Fifth Element would probably be how the rest of the universe would see us, even through a comedic lens.

“We’re sending someone in to negotiate”
*BLAM BLAM*
“Anyone else want to negotiate?”

More comedy than anything else, you know that we’d settle all intergalactic differences with Bruce Willis and a big gun.

DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck· 100 weeks ago

Cartoons. Just cartoons. Not movies, just cartoons. Especially Looney Tunes and Merry Melodies from back in the day, but definitely not limited to that.
I was helped in this by The Simpsons, Family Guy, Venture Bros., et al., but it’s always been my thing. (The new Teen Titans Go is fabulous…)

If you think you’re “too grown up” for cartoons, I don’t have time for you.

Sophie’s Choice.
Wesley's avatar

Wesley· 100 weeks ago

It’s not a movie, but it’s definitely my sense of humour and not in the least because it so very well mimics the way the world works: Yes, Minister.
Boondock Saints. After the one guy kills the one girls thing and then goes off on her. That moment sums up my sense of humor.
Ceri's avatar

Ceri· 100 weeks ago

I was gonna say Monty Python and The Holy Grail, but then I remembered Slither…
Perfect.
Mongo can’t argue with that logic….
James's avatar

James· 100 weeks ago

I have to agree with Airplane
It’s very hard to choose. Fanboys is one of my favourites but Clerks and just about anything by Kevin Smith deserves credit too.
Tony's avatar

Tony· 100 weeks ago

There is a shameful lack of Ghostbusters on this list. It, like the snack food it uses as an analogy for New York’s ghost population, will never get old and inedible.
Just for argument’s sake, these were the movies I was considering for that comic:

the naked gun
airplane
young frankenstein
nl vacation
blazing saddles
holy grail
caddyshack
lebowski
spaceballs

I don’t know if a single movie could ever sum up my sense of humor… there are a few that spring to mind. Monty Python’s Holy Grail (not so much their other films), Blazing Saddles, the History of the World Part I, Space Balls, Robin Hood: Men In Tights, Idiocracy, the Invention of Lying … that’s a pretty wide swath of different flavors of funny, from heady intellectual jokes (the Invention of Lying) to silly sophomoric sight gags (Men In Tights).
I’m in Canada right now actually, (I need help with this politeness business; I can’t hide my American douchery) spending the week with friends of the internet.

Turns out they haven’t seen UHF.

There is a certain DVD I have brought with me.

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB· 99 weeks ago

Sorry, it would have to be “Death to Smoochy”.
Nothing fits my humor noir/sarcastic look at life and work, along with the fact that I saw it (in the theater) with a guy I was dating at the time, and in a full house we were the two gay guys laughing our asses off at all the gay references in the movie, with a room full of breeders looking at us like we was cray cray.
Good times.
Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

Dr. Strangelove.
Ziggy Stardust's avatar

Ziggy Stardust· 99 weeks ago

Wag the Dog! It’s a good one.
Toxicdelirium's avatar

Toxicdelirium· 99 weeks ago

The Wizard of Speed and Time.
The two I come back to the most are Life of Brian and Blazing Saddles. I think it’s their quotability. I also LOVE The Meaning of Life for the songs. My kids already knew the Universe Song, and have now started learning all the others.
[Aliens round the moon]
“Earth!”
“Earth!”
“Earth!”
(it’s just a model)(Shh!)
…
“Shall we go on sire?”
“Nah, ’tis a silly place.”
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The Archivist https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-archivist/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-archivist/#comments Mon, 17 Jun 2013 11:25:11 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3439

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is the place for where you can buy my books and shirts and plushies and what not. GO AT IT! Here’s a follow up to THIS COMIC (in case you missed that one). Eli’s movie hoarding is a very real thing. He has hundreds, if not thousands of disc-based entertainment units at […]]]>

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is the place for where you can buy my books and shirts and plushies and what not. GO AT IT!

Here’s a follow up to THIS COMIC (in case you missed that one). Eli’s movie hoarding is a very real thing. He has hundreds, if not thousands of disc-based entertainment units at his home. Though Eli’s reasoning as displayed in the comic above is my own. I’ve always felt that the phone is going to ring and the president is going to tell me the Earth has 20 minutes left, my family has won passage on the Spark Ark and I am in charge of ensuring the continuity of popular culture with regard to film for the future civilizations that will occupy our generation ship as it searches for a new home among the stars. You know? That common fear that regular people have.

Because of this, I have always tried to own a copy of every movie I consider to be the most important. The Princess Bride, Ghostbusters, Back To The Future, American Psycho, Dances With Wolves, There Will Be Blood, Stand By Me, The Wrath Of Khan… the list goes on. The importance of the film usually determines the format in which I preserve it. The “good” movies get a DVD backup to my home file server. The “better” movies get the DVD backup and a physical DVD copy (meaning I already own it back from when DVD’s were the hot shit) and the “BEST” movies get all of that plus the physical DVD copy has been replaced with a Blu Ray copy (which usually comes with another DVD copy and a useless-DRM’d-expires-after-a-certain-time digital copy). I’m sure it won’t be long before I am rebuying Se7en and Fight Club on Holographic Neural Interface Cubes (HNICs) or Cultured Petri Dish Sentient Spore Colonies (Sony doesn’t allow that one to be abbreviated), but for now I am happy to have The Dark Knight in HD/Surround Sound in a bug out bag ready for the cataclysmic call.

COMMENTERS: Which movies go on your Space Ark list? 

Comments (31)

Kier's avatar

Kier· 102 weeks ago

Time Bandits. It would be on my ark for myriad reasons, but most importantly because I’d probably be the only one to take it on my ark.
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2· 102 weeks ago

The Lord of the Rings trilogy–but the extended version, not the theatrical release version.
Videostoreguy's avatar

Videostoreguy· 102 weeks ago

There are some things that must be edited for the sake of a reborn humanity. Anything with Lindsay Lohan is a good start.
scarlettb's avatar

scarlettb· 102 weeks ago

Loads of Cary Grant/Katherine Hepburn/etc type films. Specifically, Charade, Adam’s Rib, Bringing Up Baby, His Girl Friday.
Greg's avatar

Greg· 102 weeks ago

Ooooh 12 Monkeys. One of these days, when I watch it James is going to not be shot at the airport, stop Dr Peters and live happily ever after in the past with Kathryn. Fingers crossed for next time!
Cherie's avatar

Cherie· 102 weeks ago

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. I will never stop recommending this film.
Jenn Jamison's avatar

Jenn Jamison· 102 weeks ago

For would be Labyrinth, Deep Blue Sea, and The Resident Evil Series. Oh, and we can’t forget Lord Of The Rings Extended Versions.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Like all the greatest tragedies in history, we must never forget.
Casablanca, Citizen Kane, The Third Man, The Man in the White Suit, The Graduate, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 2001, High Sierra, Ice Cold in Alex,
Oh and No Limit, not because it’s a great film (it’s not even a great George Formby film) but because it’s set (rather than filmed) in the Isle of Man and is therefore our only hope of filmic immortality.

4 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Tim Harris's avatar

Tim Harris· 102 weeks ago

Weren’t the Thomas the Tank Engine stories set on the Isle of Man? I’m old enough to remember a screen version with Ringo Starr’s voiceover, and I seem to recall it was fairly true to the books.
Adam D.'s avatar

Adam D.· 102 weeks ago

It was the Isle of Sodor, but… nice try 🙂
Tim Harris's avatar

Tim Harris· 102 weeks ago

Yes – that was the hint that it was actually set on the Isle of Man.
w00hoo's avatar

w00hoo· 102 weeks ago

Not ‘TT : Closer to the Edge’ what it actually being filmed there?
The original original trilogy, the one that actually revolutionized filmmaking back when it came out in the 70s and 80s and not any of the things that followed.
Also the entire collection of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, including the fourth season. And Ghostbusters, but not the sequel. Am I watching the things in the archive? Because I need The Hunt for Red October, Get Shorty, and The Fifth Element as well. The archive needs movies that were pretty good but also kinda bad.

Also, is Eli hiring? I work in a lab with tools now, but his lab and tools sound better.

2 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Candace's avatar

Candace· 102 weeks ago

Don’t forget Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Monty Python’s Life of Bryan. I would also add the entirety of Fawlty Towers. Some of those eps were so funny I hurt myself laughing.
What about Monty Python and The Meaning of Life? That has a few messages to pass down to the future, like the meaning of life.
I’m more into TV shows than movies, but …

Bedazzled – the 1967 original with Dudley Moore and Peter Cook, NOT the execrable remake.

Tootsie.

Does the miniseries of Shogun count as a “movie”? I say it does.

TRON and TRON Legacy.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Chicken Run.

Legally Blonde.

Flash Gordon. (Yes, the ’80s version with the Queen soundtrack.)

How to Train Your Dragon.

Running Cool (NOT “Cool Runnings” – very different things.)

Spinal Tap!

They Live.

Time Bandits.

Yellow Submarine.

Little Shop of Horrors (the Frank Oz version).

Hard Target and Brain Donors.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 102 weeks ago

Men In Black 1 and 3, Alien, Aliens, Princess Bride, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Last Crusade, Blues Brothers, Blazing Saddles
You need a few “obscurities”…

“The President’s Analyst” contained so much truth, both for its time, the 60s, and for today (the President’s NEED for regular psychotherapy, American spy agencies fighting each other more than fighting enemies, implantable micro-telephones created by an evil Phone Company, and the immortal line “I’ m NOT paranoid, your really ARE all spies!”) plus James Coburn NOT playing a superspy, Godfrey Cambridge, Severn Darden and a very young William “KITT” Daniels

“Silent Running” was the only sci-fi movie that correctly predicted environmental collapse AND had Bruce Dern go bonkers for a good purpose

“Head”, the Monkees and Jack Nicholson do dada. Nuff said.

“Drop Dead Fred” was Rik Mayall’s true tour-de-force and the most accurate depiction of what happens when you grow up but your imaginary friends don’t fade away (don’t ask me how I know – also ‘Foster’s Home’ owes everything to this movie)

“Wagons East” a showcase of cringeworthy stereotypes played for laughs, an even better deconstruction of Westerns than “Blazing Saddles” (IMO) and John Candy’s last movie

animation would be best represented by “The Iron Giant” and the “Wallace & Grommet” move (and maybe “Over the Hedge”, Dreamworks’ highest-grossing release NOT to get several sequels and William Shatner’s greatest performance)

These are the movies I show to any friends who declare themselves bored with current media… and they never talk about it again.

Princess Bride, bitches!

/end thread

pablos's avatar

pablos· 102 weeks ago

Usual Suspects, Saving Private Ryan, Ninja Scroll, Flying High (Airplane to the Seppos out there), LotR Extended versions, The Departed, Nolan’s Batman Trilogy, Toy Story, The Great Escape, 28 Days Later
w00hoo's avatar

w00hoo· 102 weeks ago

Little Miss Sunshine.
Reservoir Dogs.
Restless Natives.
Dogma.
Ronin.

And that will do.

There’s a bit of everything there. Some tight story telling, some fantastic car chases, Scottish scenery with Big Country playing over the top. Real tears (if you can watch the final run of the Clown and the Wolfman through Edinburgh and not cry you are clinically dead). Some blood and some knob jokes. Perfection.

Phenomenon
The first 3 Star Wars films (though none of the prequels)
Every other Star Trek film
Gross Point Blank
The Avengers (though not necessarily the lead-ups)

but most importantly, Idiocracy — It will be vitally important in the post-apocalyptic future that we have a very good example of what NOT to do!

1 · active 101 weeks ago

Beer’s everything to Eli XD

Hmmm… Bill & Ted, the original Star Wars trilogy, Serenity, Batman (both the 60s and Burton’s versions), Spaceballs, Silent Movie, pretty much every other Mel Brooks movie, Star Trek: Of Gods and Men, the Crayon Shin-chan films–subbed only

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

There Will Be Blood? Really? The milkshake scene wasp pretty good, but I couldn’t stay awake through most of it. I’ll never understand that thing winning awards. The theater audience where I saw it ( the ones who stayed–half of the walked out at the halfway point) actually booed the film and left the theater cursing its director to various levels of hell.

1 · active 97 weeks ago

They were all old-timey oil tycoons, and didn’t approve of the way they were portrayed. It’s just the kind of neighborhood you live in.
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A Place Of Respect https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-place-of-respect/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-place-of-respect/#comments Mon, 10 Jun 2013 15:40:56 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3435

This comic, which begins a new mini story arc, is 100% true (except for all the parts that didn’t happen). I did find the three movies listed in panel 1 in the Walmart bargin bin for less than $8 apiece, and I did feel a pang of bitter sweet irony upon being happy that I […]]]>

This comic, which begins a new mini story arc, is 100% true (except for all the parts that didn’t happen). I did find the three movies listed in panel 1 in the Walmart bargin bin for less than $8 apiece, and I did feel a pang of bitter sweet irony upon being happy that I was able to acquire three films I consider to be essential classics for 24ish dollars and sad that they were crammed into a sadness tub with Scary Movie 2, Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel and Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer. Oddly enough, most of the non-essential movies in the bargain bathtub were squeakquels… er, sequels. Interesting. Maybe the lesson is to make one impossibly shitty movie, then stop. Just resist the urge to explore the heretofore unknown avenues of shit the first film left open. Hmm, something to think abou… Oh, wait. What’s that, Hollywood? “No,” you say? Just a flat out, “NO?” Oh, and a, “Hey kid why don’tcha go fuck yerself while yer at it?” as well? Fair enough. I appreciate you taking the time to hear me ou… oh, just get right on to fucking myself then? Got it. Can do.

COMMENTERS: What’s your favorite seemingly underrated movie? I’m not saying Stand By Me or Willy Wonka are underrated. I assumed they are perfect rated. But I bet dollars to Death Blossoms that The Last Starfighter doesn’t always get its due.

Comments (127)

Adam D.'s avatar

Adam D.· 103 weeks ago

Hudson Hawk, to me was an underrated film. Bruce Willis (with hair… some of it, anyways.) and Danny Aiello, ripping off one liners and comebacks like they never go out of style.

“Oh Bunny! Ball Ball!”
“I think Bunny’s got today’s ball-balls….”

I still get razzed whenever I suggest it, but… I’m glad I got my $5.00 blu ray copy, to treasure forever.

“How’s my commenting? 1-800-I’m Gonna Fuckin Die!’

8 replies · active 99 weeks ago

geekfangirl's avatar

geekfangirl· 103 weeks ago

Baby Geniuses is a guilty pleasure of mine. It is also consistently rated among the worst movies of all time.
House of the Long Shadows . . . a very wink-wink riff on Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” from the early 80’s, with a bunch of horror greats: Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, and an ancient John Carradine (father of Wild Bill, Kung Fu, and Nerd Revenge Carradine)
Dave's avatar

Dave· 103 weeks ago

The Hudsucker Proxy. Everybody jumps to the Big Lebowski as the Cohen Brothers’ comedy masterpiece but I tell ya, The Hudsucker Proxy can give it a solid run for its money.

You know… for kids.

3 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Mrs. Doubtfire and Cool Runnings were staples of my childhood. Neither is considered particularly great, but I love them both to this day.
leeapeea's avatar

leeapeea· 103 weeks ago

The Sandlot (though this may be one everyone loves enough that they don’t need to talk about how much they love it?). The Cutting Edge. Stigmata. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. That one I quite literally wore the tape out on the VHS. Nothing like cute optimistic teens and goofy optimistic dictators and historical figures to make a 12-year-old’s day.

1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

Царь's avatar

Царь· 103 weeks ago

The gold and silver for underrated films has to go to “The Matrix Reloaded” and “The Matrix Revolutions.” Granted, they were not groundbreaking, iconic cinematic masterpieces like “The Matrix.” But, lets be fair, little could have matched what the original accomplished. They are good in their own right.

The bronze goes to “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.” Again, people compare it to the deep and intricate story lines from the games. An unjust comparison, to say the least. Please, lets give it its due. And, for the love of all things good and holy, please stop trying to convince me that “Final Fantasy VII – Advent Children” is anything but flashy fan service with a nothing of a plot. It is excruciatingly overrated, and in that category earns the gold.

Jason's avatar

Jason· 103 weeks ago

Space Jam. Never has there been a finer piece of cinema involving a professional athlete teaming up with animated characters to defeat aliens in a basketball game.

1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

JeffCG's avatar

JeffCG· 103 weeks ago

Joe vs. the Volcano. It’s the only Meg Ryan movie I watch intentionally, and Abe Vigoda and Nathan Lane as nativzied Jews addicted to orange soda is probably the most ridiculous thing ever to appear on screen.

3 replies · active 97 weeks ago

HeyZeusKreesto's avatar

HeyZeusKreesto· 103 weeks ago

I always feel like Watchmen gets rated poorly, but I thought it was one of the best comic book movies of all time. Snyder captured the world of Watchmen as best you can. You could see specific panels from the comic come to life. I also thought the ending worked much better than the comic ending when translating it into a movie. Not to say the ending of the comic was bad. Just different mediums.

4 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Kirby's avatar

Kirby· 103 weeks ago

I like Scary Movie 2… at least compared to every other possible piece of crap that has the word ‘movie’ in it that’s been out in the last few.years. I’ve never cared for Willy Wonka… for the same reason the author tried to.violently wrest the rights away from them after it was made.

As for a favorite under-appreciated movie… I’ve really got nothing, mostly because I’ve never really disliked a movie. Except Jarhead for reasons. I can find something to like in just about everything.

Guest's avatar

Guest· 103 weeks ago

Demolition man, It is hilarious and entertaining every time I watch it, Despite the fact that it’s rated low

2 replies · active 103 weeks ago

Lynne's avatar

Lynne· 103 weeks ago

I tend to get made fun of for how much I love Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman). It’s ridiculous and over-the-top and the source of one of the worst Mary Sues I’ve seen (quite an accomplishment), but it’s pretty clear that everyone involved knew all of that and decided to have fun anyway. It’s my go-to film for when I just want to enjoy myself and not have to think too much.

1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

Mary's avatar

Mary· 103 weeks ago

Phantom of the Paradise and Shock Treatment. Both weird cult flicks likely to show up in the Bargain Bin.

1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

“Time Bandits”. That is all

4 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Timothy's avatar

Timothy· 103 weeks ago

A better way to look at it is that them being in the bargain bin means most people either have or have watched those movies. The rest don’t have taste.
My favourite movie of all time is “Battle Beyond the Stars”. I’ve had a movie night with “The Seven Samurai”, “The Magnificent Seven” and BBtS.
Or, maybe look at the bright side of that sad tub. Some poor sad sack who was looking for Michael Baysplosions IV may just stumble upon an awesome really good movie instead and buy it cuz its so cheap and then bam! That person’s life is changed forever!
I liked “The Last Starfighter” myself, though I had to wonder about the long term viability of a civilization that essentially walls itself IN.

I’d have to suggest Weird Al Yankovic’s “UHF”. Assuming one likes his rather bonkers form of humor, it’s a really fun movie.

And it’s not really a “movie” and more overlooked now than underrated – but it’s stunning to me how many people these days are completely unaware of how important “Michael Nesmith’s Elephant Parts” was to the development of music video – and thus to TV and movies.

2 replies · active 102 weeks ago

I have a soft spot for the movie adaptation of HITMAN. Tim Olyphant is just so cool as Agent 47 and they didn’t jack up his look or his methods at all. Just crazy awesome action start to finish. Oh, and we got Olga Kurylenko topless. Winning!
skoby's avatar

skoby· 103 weeks ago

I actually quite like wild wild west and waterworld even tho they were total flops I really ebjoyed them and have seen both several times. When a mate came round recently he laughed at my dvd collection… not at my girlfriends disney films and johnny Depp collection but wild wild west and waterworld
coasterbear's avatar

coasterbear· 103 weeks ago

I don’t think I’ve seen it in the bargain bins, but FDR: American Badass! is one of those movies. Machine guns in the arms of his wheelchair, Hitler as a werewolf, and hot tub action all over the place. This one has it all…..

1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

“Hawk the Slayer” is a brilliantly story, hamstrung by a non-existent budget, and Jack Palance. Now THERE is a remake waiting to happen.
Greg's avatar

Greg· 103 weeks ago

I thought Mall Rats was pretty good. Jason Lee was hilarious.
I have soft spots for a number of poorly rated films. I still like to watch “Antitrust” which managed to capture some of the spirit behind Open Source software. Die Hard 2 isn’t as bad as many people make it out to be (granted, it’s the weakest of the bunch)

Other firm favourites for a lazy evening’s viewing: TimeCop (best JCvD sci-fi evaar), Fire Down Below (not sure why I like this film so much, but it’s definitely one of my favourite Seagal films).

3 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Congo is a guilty pleasure of mine. Smart gorillas, a young and biscuity Laura Linney, goofy dialog, an afropop infused Jerry Goldsmith score and a Bruce Campbell cameo.
Robert's avatar

Robert· 103 weeks ago

“Toy Soldiers” A drug cartel takes over a boys’ boarding school full of pranksters and boys that have a problem with authority. Great phone sex scene and nice recipe for hidden booze.

Just mention the title to the uninitiated and they as if it’s the one with the army guy toys that go crazy.

1 reply · active 103 weeks ago

Laikai's avatar

Laikai· 103 weeks ago

Ravenous.
Quirky, funny and also horror all in the one movie – the wendigo myth done it’s justice. So few people even know of it, let alone have watched it.
Flight of the Navigator. It’s dated now, but I still have a squishy spot in my heart for it. And it was the first use of that ‘liquid metal’ CGI that looked absolutely AWESOME! Possibly responsible for my being a massive sci-fi geek.

Also David Lynch’s Dune. Again, dated but still LOVE it as an adaptation.

3 replies · active 97 weeks ago

I’m going to have to call Tremors and Tremors 2. So, so bad, and yet so funny in its badness….

3 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Eric's avatar

Eric· 103 weeks ago

Well one of mine was mentioned but all of Ernest movies are a guitly pleasure for me and some of my friends…Just classic humor that’s create to make you laugh and not worry about anything else…Also another one…The 3Ninja’s…i’m 28 and i still enjoy the bad sound effects and how they try to make you believe that a 80 year old guy could fight like that. I can’t wait until my son is a bit older and watch all those movies with him!
Dewy's avatar

Dewy· 103 weeks ago

I absolutely LOVE Kung Fu Hustle. It’s like a live-action martial arts cartoon. Runner up would be Kung Pow! Enter the Fist. What can I say. I guess I just love wacky Chop Socky.

2 replies · active 97 weeks ago

90percentgeek's avatar

90percentgeek· 103 weeks ago

There’s an awesome Mel Brooks movie called “To be or not to be” which isn’t very well known but I love. It’s not as zany as his other stuff but it has Christopher Lloyd as a batty german colonel, and Mel Brooks dressed up as Hitler.
Also Murdered by Death which features Peter Falk as himself and Peter Sellers as a mad chinese detective. Its a massively underrated film but I think it’s comedy gold!

5 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Lurkie's avatar

Lurkie· 102 weeks ago

I know I’m among geeks here, but the rest of the world doesn’t seem to appreciate The Fifth Element. Yes yes, Milla boobies are good, but aside from that, it’s just a goofy fun time. Bruce Willis playing a sullen tough guy, what a novel idea! I’ve even taught my 9yo daughter to say “Corbin, I have no fire”

1 reply · active 99 weeks ago

Lake Placid.
A horror movie that was more of a comedy. Betty White is in it. She says to a cop “If I had a D**k, this is when I’d tell ya to suck it!” Love Betty! 😉
“Addams Family Values” is an underrated classic for the ages.
The Shawshank Redemption. I always recommend it. http://shawshankr.com

1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

KingMeIV's avatar

KingMeIV· 102 weeks ago

Sunshine. I don’t know how it’s rated, but surprisingly few people seem to have actually seen it considering how amazing of a sci-fi flick it is. Lots of similarities to Event Horizon, but with what I consider to be a much tighter story with superior characters (and actors playing them).
BaneDeadpool's avatar

BaneDeadpool· 102 weeks ago

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure! That movie was swapped out almost daily with Wayne’s World for much of my tween years.

1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 102 weeks ago

Everyone who’s seen it loves it, but The Princess Bride is not something that looks like it’d be as good as it is so I know a lot of folks who skipped it. Then it hits you with absolute sincere charm and you feel ten years old again, without a cynical bone in your body.
Uwe Bowl. What a payoff.
FSilvermane's avatar

FSilvermane· 102 weeks ago

“The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen” was, from what I can tell, relegated to the dustbin of failure after it came out because I can find almost no one who has heard of it. That movie to me was amazing,..I mean Robin Williams as the King of the Moon [“you must refer to me by my full title,.. King of Everything. Rei di Tutto. But you may call me Ray.”] ,….. John Neville as the Baron,…. Uma Thurman as Venus,…its just a good all around movie ,..its funny and actually has a moral to it which is something most movies these days lack,….

1 reply · active 102 weeks ago

Mndrew's avatar

Mndrew· 102 weeks ago

Equilibrium and Ultraviolet (the Mila J. movie, not the even better BBC mini-series) are two that I can’t help but watch every time they come on.
Cherie's avatar

Cherie· 102 weeks ago

Strictly Ballroom (the least known of Baz Luhrman’s films)
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead (a MUST, MUST, MUST See! Seriously! Go watch it now if you haven’t seen it yet!)

And the one’s everyone thinks I should be ashamed of but I am not:
Tango and Cash
Big Trouble in Little China

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

I really enjoyed Ahhnold’s “Last Action Hero.” The jokes were mostly well-timed and brilliantly executed. The kid on bike is riding down hill, leading a high-speed chase after convincing himself he can’t get hurt in a movie and suddenly realizes he’s the comic relief–that was priceless. And the villain, transferred out of the movie, shooting an innocent bystander only to realize that he doesn’t hear sirens. He shouts out “I’ve just shot this man in cold blood!” The only response is a disgruntled neighbor shouting at him to shut up so people can sleep. It had its clunky moments, but overall it was a lot of fun. I later saw that the New Yorker gave it a positive review. Everyone else panned it.
Larry Frazier's avatar

Larry Frazier· 99 weeks ago

How can you mock Face/Off? It’s one of the best films ever, and how often do you get to see the 2 main actors switch roles between being good and evil? Ok, not including Arnold Schwartzenegger in Total Recall)
Scott Pilgrim vs The World is and will always be one of my very favorite movies. I watch it often.
I think it actually lost money at the box office.
Gordon's avatar

Gordon· 93 weeks ago

Golden Child!!! “My dear, sweet brother Numsi has forgiven me!”
Also buckaroo bansai!
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Sometimes When We Touch https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sometimes-when-we-touch/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sometimes-when-we-touch/#comments Wed, 22 May 2013 00:10:16 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3414

PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!! David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner. Here’s a photo of David peeking over a handy map. COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX THIS WEEKEND, APRIL 23-26! BOOTH 1749 way in the back […]]]>

PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!!

David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner. Here’s a photo of David peeking over a handy map.

COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX THIS WEEKEND, APRIL 23-26! BOOTH 1749 way in the back by the LEGOs! BOOTH 243! More details HERE. 

Welcome to the wonderful future we live in. A time where nerds get mad when maybe not a white guy plays a super hero in a movie. I don’t I can’t…

Michael B. Jordan on the Possibility of a Black Human Torch: “It’s 2013″

COMMENTERS: Who was your favorite super hero to ever be portrayed against their established type (different race, different gender, etc) in film or on TV? I’m sure Sam Jackson as Nick Fury is near the top of everyone’s list.

Comments (30)

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Luckily, this is why Johnny is able to turn off his flame in certain portions of his body so that he can make catches like that, lol.

2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

So, assuming at least 2/3 of his body would still be on fire in order to maintain flight, the person he saved would just need all new skin. Got it.
Jules's avatar

Jules · 108 weeks ago

Yeah, there was a point where just being *near* the torch would melt *cars.* I’m guessing that was a difficult time for the FF.
Sam's avatar

Sam · 108 weeks ago

Michael Clarke Duncan did an awesome job as Kingpin in Daredevil.

1 reply · active 108 weeks ago

jessie_monster's avatar

jessie_monster · 108 weeks ago

I can’t think of a single actor who could of portrayed that better. The physicality, the gravitas. Perfect.
Vertiga's avatar

Vertiga · 108 weeks ago

Not strictly a superhero, but I love Maximiliano Hernández as Agent Sitwell in the MCU.
Idris Elba as Heimdall is a definite contender as the answer for that question. MCD as Kingpin was definitely a good one too.
James's avatar

James · 108 weeks ago

Nobody complained when Marvel made Nick Fury black in 2001 for their Ultimate Universe, because he was based on Sam “The Man” Jackson. A decade later, who do most people associate with Nick Fury? A white dude in blue spandex? Or Sam Jackson?

9 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Richard's avatar

Richard · 108 weeks ago

I think the problem most people have with it is that it’s established that he’s Sue’s brother. Sure there probably are actual racists mad about a white character being played by a black person, but the majority of the people that are mad about it are comic book geeks who hate continuity changes for what they don’t see as a reason. Same reaction with the Mandarin.
Fren's avatar

Fren · 108 weeks ago

Simple. Not altogether familiar with the continuity, but if Sue is the elder then her parent divorced and remarried a black person. Bam, next kid is black. Works for me.
I thought the Storm Human Torch died in-continuity a while back? Why would the assumption be that this isn’t another “Human Torch”? dunno, I don’t follow comics religiously…

I liked the John Stewart Green Lantern, but that’s mostly because for me, it’s DCAU, not DC.

lou's avatar

lou · 107 weeks ago

John Stewart, in the comics, was the second or third human to join the Green Lantern Corps after Hal Jordan
That really begs the question “where are the FF during the Avengers film”?

Obviously Fury would know about the FF and if it was important enough for him to find Banner in the middle of nowhere, then it should have been important enough for him to call his sister and get some help from “the smartest man on the planet”, Reed Richards.

Not to mention that the other FF members could have been phenomenally helpful once the fighting started — after all, they called in Hawkeye and Cap for that when their powers pale in comparison to the other Avengers. Any member of the FF on the other hand are right up there with Thor, Hulk and Iron Man.

Well okay, maybe the human rubber band isn’t all that helpful in a fight, but he’s “the smartest man on the planet”, so…

Kirby's avatar

Kirby · 108 weeks ago

The easy answer is that the rights are owned by different companies so there won’t be a connection.

Not to mention the FF magically get their powers at a certain point, so even if they were in everything together, they could have gotten their powers later.

(Yes I realize they didn’t actually get them magically, but they might as well have for all the sense it makes/as much it matters)

To me, Nick Fury will always be portrayed by David Hasselhoff, as God intended.
Dean's avatar

Dean · 108 weeks ago

Heresy. Bruce Campbell.
Bea Aurthur as an alien bartender?

No wait… Alice Eve as a British daughter to mean old Admiral Robocop.

Not a superhero, but StarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuck
StarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuck
StarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuck
StarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuckStarbuck

2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

Since when is Starbuck *not* a superhero? [S]he can fly, has Stark-level field-op tech-hacking skills, can shoot just about anything with a barrel, and has more lives than a DC second-stringer. In both incarnations.
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 108 weeks ago

Not a HERO, but how about Mr. Freeze played by Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Or did you mean not a sarcastic favorite?

2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Oh if we’re doing sarcasm, then I’ve got to include Jim Carey as the Riddler… I really wish we’d had a Riddler faithful to the comics and I’d have cast Alan Rickman.
lou's avatar

lou · 107 weeks ago

Carrey’s portrayal was stunningly similar to Frank Gorshin from the 60’s TV show, and that portrayal made the Riddler popular in the comics
Not a hero, but I thought the casting decision for Wilson Fisk (Kingpin) in Daredevil was just really poorly made. I’d hate to think that anyone would consider me a racist for wanting a murderous criminal to be portrayed as white, but I felt like there were real historical reasons for his character being white. Fisk as representing organized crime in a way represents both the criminal underworld and “the man” as in the cops, the government and even corporate America. Shit, god knows he’s got more than his fair share of influence in all of those places anyway. But really, ‘the man” as in “the white man” who keeps everyone else down. Maybe nobody else agrees with me, but I thought it was important to the character. I would have liked to see him played by Pruitt Taylor Vince.
I’m looking forward to seeing Lawrence Fishburne’s take on Perry White
Denzel Washington as Don Pedro in Much Ado About Nothing. I know that’s not a superhero movie, but I mention it because I’d love to see them use a similar approach as the model for a black Johnny Storm. They never mention his race in the film. You just roll with it because he’s Denzel and he’s awesome and OF COURSE he’s in charge, even if it is seventeenth century Italy.
StephC's avatar

StephC · 108 weeks ago

I figured it was because it would have been awkward to have Chris Evans play Human Torch again, so they went for someone who looks nothing like him to distract you. Although I’d love to see the interaction between Cap and Johnny if both were still played by Evans…
Personally, I’d like to see a black Reed Richards over a black Human Torch. Really smart, uptight, leader-guy who happens to be black? It could totally work. Plus, then you don’t have to have the whole mixed-race siblings issue with Sue and Johnny.
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Into Dickness https://hijinksensue.com/comic/into-dickness/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/into-dickness/#comments Mon, 20 May 2013 08:00:52 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3412

PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!! David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner. Here’s a photo of David peeking over a handy map. COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX THIS WEEKEND, APRIL 23-26! BOOTH 1749 way in the […]]]>

PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!!

David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner. Here’s a photo of David peeking over a handy map.

COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX THIS WEEKEND, APRIL 23-26! BOOTH 1749 way in the back by the LEGOs! BOOTH 243! More details HERE. 

hijinks-ensue-dumbing-of-age-phoenix-2013-small

Check out the winners of the Fancy Fan Art Contest RIGHT HERE.

!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!

!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!

!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!

!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!

!!!BELOW THIS POINT ARE MASSIVE STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!!

Over the last several months I had done a very thorough job of avoiding all Star Trek Into Darkness spoilers. I was planning to go into the theater NOT knowing whether or not Khan was the villain. Then, at the very last possible moment, a random Internet headline spoiled the secret identity of Cumberbatch’s character for me. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean the movie gives his secret away in the first 25 minutes or so. The thing I was in no way prepared for (similar to the Mandarin reveal in Iron Man 3) was that Into Darkness is an alternate timeline reboot of Wrath Of Khan. It just is. Don’t argue with me. There aren’t just a few parallels and nods here and there. It IS Wrath of Khan, told from the perspective of the new timeline established in Star Trek (2009). Also, it is fantastic.

I will admit that a couple of the “let’s tie this into Star Trek 2 or other Trek canon” moments were (almost) cringe worthy. Spock yelling, “KHAAAAAN!” was certainly at the top of that list. The rest, however, I found entirely delightful. When old Spock said they had defeated their Khan, “at great cost,” I actually clenched my fist and looked at my wife with this dopey grin that screamed, “I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL YOU WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT WHEN THIS IS OVER!” When Kirk was in the radioactive chamber and he and Spock went in for a SciFive, I was audibly chanting, “SAY THE LINE, SAY THE LINE!” He totally said it, and it was awesome.

Other things that were badass: The Klingons, the idea that this is the Federation BEFORE it becomes Earth’s military and that it serves more of a NASA role at this time and how that is inevitably going to change, the idea that Admiral Robocop is essentially right about the impending war and the need to fortify Earth’s defenses despite being a despotic, mass murdering mad man, BENEDICT MOTHER FUCKING CUMBERBATCH, Benedict Cumberbatch’s voice, every line Cumberbatch delivers, BENEDICT MOTHER FU… you get the idea, how Spock has grown since the first film and getting to see the emotional side of him, how he deals with his emotions and how is reacts when he can’t deal with them, how it finally makes sense (by the end of the film) for Kirk to be a captain (this is a MUCH LONGER discussion, but I think the ONLY reason Kirk was made captain in the first film was in service to the expectation that the movie have a guy named Captain Kirk. He was certainly a brave, intelligent and heroic man, but in NO WAY was he a leader or able to accept the responsibility of taking care of all of the lives on a ship. By the end of Into Darkness, he’s earned it.), and pretty much every moment Scotty is on screen.

Things that were less badass: Not enough Sulu (seriously I think he had just that one line), too much “Everyone changes jobs and ranks and quits and is rehired and whatever” in this one (there was enough of that in the last one), Peter Weller (Admiral Robocop) already played a Starfleet officer with designs on being a warlord in an episode of Enterprise WHICH ISN’T CANON SHUT UP IT ISN’T SO WHY AM I COMPLAINING?!, the unrealistic stupidity of the security guard on Admiral Robocop’s ship that finds Scotty, and the “We need to get on the GIGANTIC, WAY MORE POWERFUL THAN OUR SHIP” ship to stop the big bad plot that seems incredibly familiar to the first film.

All of that said, I can HIGHLY recommend this movie to anyone who isn’t necessarily a Star Trek fan but enjoyed the first film and appreciates a good scifi action movie, AND to Star Trek fans who enjoyed the first film as well. If you hated Star Trek (2009) then you will hate Into Darkness for the same reasons. It’s not as cerebral or philosophical as any of the series or most of the TOS and TNG movies (which I think is a positive, since it makes a lot more sense to explore the really heady stuff in hour long snippets over the course of a 24 episode season that it does to spend 2 hours in a theater on space metaphors for race relations and equality), and it isn’t as inaccessible to the masses as some nerds would probably prefer it to be. Regular people can enjoy this movie, which will certainly piss off some hardest of core fans.

I don’t love J.J.’s Star Trek in the same way that I love classic Star Trek or even for the same reasons, but I do love it. At this point I consider it to be a very high budget fan fiction that just so happens to entirely enjoyable and present fans with at least 10 reasons to love it for every 1 reason to groan or complain. I really hope after Star Trek 3, J.J. opens up the door for a new series set in his Trek universe. Even something set in the TNG timeframe of his timeline would be fantastic.

Oh, and one more thing about Cumberbatch and his voice and his charisma and his whole deal… set panties to melt.

COMMENTERS: I wrote a lot of opinions up there. Tell me what you think about them or what you think about Into Darkness in general. Spoilers are cool for this thread so be warned:

!!!THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS TOO!!!

Comments (76)

I loved that tribble scene, because it totally was for shits and giggles.

While somewhat established in the film, I think the best establishment for the technical brilliance of Khan was in TOS, the episode where they find him and his family. If that were still relevant, I would buy the part where the Admiral forced him to design a starship.

Candace's avatar

Candace· 106 weeks ago

Yeah, Khan and his crew figured out in short order how to take over the Enterprise in TOS, so I considered that precedent for Khan being able to look at Federation starship tech and figure out how to improve it.

I also enjoyed the tribble scene, and think McCoy’s resurrection of Kirk is great because it now allows Dr. MCCoy to add yet another miracle to his resume. 🙂

I think Kirk normally Kirk would have allowed Scotty to open one of the torpedoes, but he had just been spanked. OTOH, he had seemed unrepentant at the time, so @Cyrankoss might have called that one right.

I also thought Kirk was acting un-Kirk-like with Scotty and the torpedoes… but I figured they wrote it that way on purpose. I mean, everybody’s yelling at him telling him this is a stupid mission, and he just lost his one father figure and is a bit unhinged. His acting out-of-character and the firing of Scotty and dismissal of Bones’ and Spock’s concerns all contribute to the feeling of “this is wrong no stop it this is not right” that I thought was very effective at that point in the movie.
I only saw Wrath of Khan for the first time a year or so ago and it wasn’t that great. That is – it wasn’t that great as ‘a film’. As ‘a Star Trek film’ it was brilliant, but that’s because there are so many bad Trek films and so few good ones.

I saw Into Darkness with a group of friends of varying orders of geekitude. Of the 5 of us I was the 3rd most geeky. The 2 major nerds were torn throughout the film between enjoying seeing something bright and shiny involving Cumberbatch and Star Trek and apoplexy about the lack of Roddenberry-esque soul.

That said, we all loved the film.

I wanted more Karl Urban – for science reasons – but it was a fun movie. It aint art, but none of the Trek movies are. Few movies are. And art movies aren’t necessarily enjoyable movies (cough*TreeOfLife*Cough).

What shits on my whiskers is when people argue that brand X is better because its more philosophical. More philosophy doesn’t make something better, especially if its piss poor philosophy. When I watched Khan it was because my friends wouldn’t shut up about how deep and thought provoking it was. “Its like a meditation on man’s place in the cosmos and the nature of friendship as a catalyst for change.” Sure, it is. Here’s some first-year Aristotle; read that and then we’ll talk philosophy. Khan is the finest of original Trek, but nostalgia is what makes it taste so good.

Anyway, I’m hoping Nu-Trek III just fucks with everyone by introducing a transgendered French cyborg time-traveller named Jean-Lucy Picard…

4 replies · active 106 weeks ago

And I just realised that there’s a chance Wil Wheaton may read what I wrote. I can’t handle that level of meta.

I’m not sure if I should perform an act of penance now or wait until instructed.

Suggestions for acts of penance anybody?

Eh…in the new canon, Singh appears to be a mastermind villain; superweapon and all.

In the old canon, Singh was a brilliant warlord, trained in the tactics of the most famous conquerors in his history. He displays this in the series (where he’s established and quickly learns to suborn starships), as well as in the movie.

There was drama and suspense. There was spectacle, but it made sense for the plot. It probably is nostalgia, but I would much prefer the SFX from that movie to this one…because not once did I feel ANY suspense in this flick.

Matt's avatar

Matt· 106 weeks ago

At every point in WoK you understood why everyone was doing what they were doing and how they felt about it.

It sounds so basic, but I can’t say the same for STID.

I can. The motivations were pretty clear to me, but that didn’t help me enjoy it much more.

I would have to see Wrath of Khan again (like I need an excuse), but nostalgia tells me they did it better in WoK.

I also had a blast. If I have any complaint, it’s that we could have used less time spent on people hanging from ledges and more time explaining who Khan was in the past. The guy should be as recognizable as Hitler, but nobody knew who he was. I mean, we did, but we have the benefit of three hours of previous screen time with him.

I had no problem with Khan being able to design advanced weapons, as I see some other silly people do. Give him an hour with a technical manual to catch up, and he’ll then surpass you. Because he’s better. At everything.

And can we just have Uhuru speaking Klingon all the time, if ya know what I’m sayin?

3 replies · active 106 weeks ago

Kirby's avatar

Kirby· 106 weeks ago

Not to mention, as they say several times, they live in a time of peace and exploration. Khan came from a time where technology meant trying to blow the **** out of each other.

The Hitler thing could kind of be explained by it being 300 years ago that he was around, during a part of history that Humanity is largely trying to ignore/cover up. I mean, I don’t know if I can think of many historical figures from 1713 that I’d recognize right off the bat… or at all.

Besides, he’s got a common last name. Unless Data’s creator’s a direct descendant or something… which would make an interesting movie on its own.

(side note: Tom Hiddleston for Data reboot. Seriously.)

You just blew my mind. I never made that connection.

Anyway, the andriod kept throwing me off balance. I did, however, like how the aliens were just part of the crew and not spectacles for the camera.

I agree with you entirely. I get that hanging off ledges is supposed to be a running gag, but there could have been a little less… running time.
Adwxx's avatar

Adwxx· 106 weeks ago

God damn it JJ, try and get the a little of the fake science right. Just call it a super conducting absolute zero bomb.
old_pines's avatar

old_pines· 106 weeks ago

Thank you.

Thank you for giving a well-reasoned, balanced review. The fact that it exactly mirrors my feelings about the movie notwithstanding, I appreciate that you were able to reflect upon the movie without obsessing over Trek canon. Too many other reviewers have tried to measure the movie off of the classic serieses (precious) and forget that each awesome movie and episode was built on the backs of previous episodes/series/movies that this new franchise simply does not have.

The trek reboot has to take into account that Kirk isn’t the strong, willful product of a Star Fleet officer who groomed him for leadership. In this timeline, Kirk’s dad was killed by dimension-jumping psycho Romulans and he is naturally still having problems because of it. The events of TOS haven’t happened and can only happen now within the context of the new time structure.

I couldn’t buy into Chekov as engineering chief and I agree that Sulu could well have played a bigger part. Ignoring the unfortunate “KHAAAAAAN”, I think the character development for Spock is fantastic. Kiel’s growth is believable. Khan….

Ok, all apologies to my wife, but I wouldn’t turn down a three-way with Benedict Cumberbatch and Ian McKellan. Mmmm. That said, Khan in this movie made me believe that this small group were actually genetically-crafted superwarriors. Khan and gang from TOS and WoK did not sell that fact. Especially his cronies. Leaving them out of it in this movie and focusing on one psychotic superman was the right call.

I can’t wait to see the next installment. I want to go there, boldly.

1 · active 106 weeks ago

Candace's avatar

Candace· 106 weeks ago

Yeah, I was like, “Why is Chekov Scotty’s understudy?” It was kind of weird.
old_pines's avatar

old_pines· 106 weeks ago

Also, how interesting would it be if the universe of the new timeline was the mirror universe from DS9?

3 replies · active 106 weeks ago

I might hold out for that. Maybe.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 106 weeks ago

You mean the mirror universe from TOS. DS9 grabbed the same universe and ran it into the future.
BowtiesAreCool's avatar

BowtiesAreCool· 106 weeks ago

Nerd Text to Follow: I don’t think that makes sense. It’s still the Federation. The mirror universe started thousands of years ago going the wrong way. (We know this because of Mirror Doctor Phlox reading the “great works of literature” from our Universe, saying they were “less agressive”. Except Shakespeare. Mirror = Aggressive and morally-eroded.

But seeing the mirror universe and Kirk being a bigger better badass would be very cool!

Malady's avatar

Malady· 106 weeks ago

The one thought stuck in my head is “What if we get a TNG reboot in another decade or so?”
I was so wanting Wesley Crusher to show up on the bridge of the Killerprise, put his hands on his hips, and say “Robocop!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLyY_aOh4bM

This movie so actively avoids making sense, that I wonder if Lindelof did it on purpose. Or, was his carefully crafted script hacked apart and stitched back together specifically to service the action/effects scenes? Based on Lost, I’m guessing the former.

And yet, I enjoyed the movie. Part of this is that I LONG ago gave up on Star Trek making sense. There have been precious few tightly scripted Trek episodes, and no movies. The whole damn premise is a plot hole. So, I went in expecting big effects, a difficult moral choice, a bunch of fan service, and some awesome Cumberbatch. That’s pretty much exactly what I got, plus some really good Kirk/Spock moments.

1 · active 106 weeks ago

Matt's avatar

Matt· 106 weeks ago

Knowing Roberto Orci, I wouldn’t be surprised if the script initially had a lot of false flag/9.11 was an inside job nonsense that got taken out relatively late in the production (because it was stupid and potentially offensive) and left everything really muddled.

It would certainly explain why Khanberbatch’s and Adm. Robocop’s plans were so aligned early in the move.

Candace's avatar

Candace· 106 weeks ago

Yeah, that kind of took me out of the movie a bit.
Twistednic's avatar

Twistednic· 105 weeks ago

Remember though, they didn’t have the correct codes to open the others. Bones said that had they tried there was no telling how well they may/ may not have defrosted. Lame but at least they acknowledged it
Also, I was thinking that maybe not all of them are superpersons in the exact same way. For all they/we know, Khan is the only one with the healey blood.
I liked it. I thought it was refreshing to see Khan actually doing things that a normal hu-mon would be incapable of. Too often in the past, Trek would hold back on showing characters with superhuman physical attributes actually demonstrating said attributes. But BC’s Khan, Spock, and Nero from the last film all showed their superhuman traits quite well. And the voice… holy shit, it’s like if young Alan Rickman was a Kryptonian Terminator from Hell.
The retelling of WoK was cool. The brief team up, the Kirk/Spock flip, the KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! moment. All awesome. And I think Spock’s yell actually makes sense. In Amok Time, we saw that Spock is capable of losing his Vulcan control (“JIM! Er um, I mean I’m not emotional, shut up!”), but there’s another thing that occurs to me about this scene: As a Vulcan, I’m guessing that Spock usually restrains his physical strength (for much the same reason Spider-Man does). But he knows that Khan is too strong to pull punches against, the stakes are too high, and Khan is not deserving of that consideration. So Spock, at that moment, seems to me to have made a decision to unleash himself. To Khansciously release his self Khantrol. To basically become a Romulan, ruled by his passions instead of logic.
The fight afterward bears this out. Spock is a badass, he is pissed off. He is Spock at 11.

Regarding needing Khan alive: yeah McCoy could probably save Kirk with dead Khan blood, or with one of the popcicles. but the odds would be lowered. Fresh blood, obviously is better than older blood. And it’s possible that the popcicles’ blood would only be workable if they get revived right. So yeah, Bones probably could have saved Kirk with a popcicle or blood drawn from a dead Khan. But he’s not about to take that chance.
Really the one thing that perplexed me about this was the bit where he’s experimenting on a tribble. Superhuman blood fixing an alien? But then I remembered the TNG episode where it’s revealed that all the major races are from the same space seed and maybe some of the animals were also seeded thusly.

1 · active 106 weeks ago

I like your explanations, especially the one about Spock consciously deciding to be rage-ful. Much more exciting that way!
On the whole, I guess I agree with your views. Although, I was in a rather poor mood, and so did not appreciate quite as many of the “tie-ins” as you did, Joel.

In the end, I said the same thing as I said at the end of the last one:

“It was a good movie, but a mediocre Star Trek movie.”

I was wrong, though. I’m upgrading this one to “ok” status, due to the exploration of the concept of a Star Fleet before it became a true military organization (despite the name).

However, too little was established in the new canon. You pretty much have to accept a ton of stuff from the old canon in order to appreciate the new Star Trek, like the poorly-established Vulcan strength, and also the Kolinahr (which they’ve tried establishing for two movies, and…well…Spock keeps breaking it). Also, I’m really, really bored of the “falling through space to the tiny target” gimmick. Every time I see it, I think of that Dead Space trailer, and wonder why I’m not playing that game instead. It looks pretty awesome.

It had good fight scenes, great explosions and decompression, some character development, and attempted to recapture the exploration of ideas of the original movies. It was an ok Star Trek movie.

4 replies · active 106 weeks ago

Candace's avatar

Candace· 106 weeks ago

I may be mistaken here, but I don’t think either version of Spock ever actually completed the Kolinahr.
It is quite true! I couldn’t remember the name of the actual practice of repressing emotions, so I used a sub-optimal word that really didn’t mean what I wished for it to mean.
In that case, I agree with you. I think there wasn’t enough of a chance to establish a baseline of Spock-never-reacts-to-things-emotionally for all the emotional reacting he’s been doing to have the impact it should.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 106 weeks ago

So Spock is the only survivor of the true timeline and is this sage mentor character. AltSpock gets to kiss Uhura, yell KHAAAAAAAAN, is generally more of a dynamic character than PrimeSpock, and Kirk dies (but gets better)?

This entire universe is PrimeSpock writing fanfiction about himself.

1 · active 105 weeks ago

“This entire universe is PrimeSpock writing fanfiction about himself.” – this is the best bit of criticism of the JJ-verse I’ve seen.

I’ve quoted it, with attribution, in my review of the movie at http://www.bgmhall.com/star-trek-spoilers.

Citizen Alan's avatar

Citizen Alan· 106 weeks ago

Cumberbatch was awesome, but was there any explanation of how a Sikh Indian, previously played by a Mexican, is now the Whitest Man In the World.

2 replies · active 105 weeks ago

Which just makes it all the suckier that they made him SO WHITE. Cause, you know, white people are the utter epitome of the human race… [eyeroll]. I’m not as bugged by it as most of my friends were, but I see why they make the criticism.
Nevest's avatar

Nevest· 106 weeks ago

I really didn’t like the first movie. Way too many illogical plot holes, just pulled me out of it and made it unenjoyable. The second movie was fantastic. Everything fit, everything made sense and flowed. Very enjoyable.
Liam's avatar

Liam· 106 weeks ago

Another actor playing Khan who isn’t Indian? At least this time they got an actor from a country that has some history with India.
In regards to Peter Weller already appearing on Enterprise, I think it’s GOOD they’re keeping up the Star Trek tradition of reusing actors from previous movies/series’. (COUGHDavidWarnerCOUGH)

2 replies · active 100 weeks ago

Am I wrong, or was that Tony Todd playing the one demasked Klingon. He was Worf’s brother Kurn (Kern?) and at least one other Klingon.
firstfallen's avatar

firstfallen· 100 weeks ago

He was Kurn. IMDB says he wasn’t in STID, but I remember him as adult Jake Sisko from DS9 :P. Also apparently Alpha Hirogen in a Voyager episode!
StephC's avatar

StephC· 106 weeks ago

Am I the only one who wasn’t surprised by the reveal of the true Mandarin in Iron Man 3? I wasn’t expecting Trevor to be so hilariously strung out, but the fact that Killian was the mastermind? Called it after Tony left him waiting on the roof. And the fact that Cumberbatch is Kahn wasn’t a shock either. If you’re going for a Big Bad Baddie, Kahn’s an obvious choice.

3 replies · active 97 weeks ago

Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 106 weeks ago

Yeah, I was spoiled (in a thread about the original WoK, the day before ID came out, and the guy had the audacity to say “what, I said ‘spoilers’,” as if we’d know what movie he was spoiling) but it’s not really a surprise. They were doing so much denial that he was Khan that he was at LEAST going to be a Khan-with-serial-numbers-filed-off.
I was shocked by the Mandarin thing just because of how it defies the role of the character in the comics. I didn’t hate it. I thought it was pretty clever for movie continuity, but I did think Kingsley laid it on a little thick.

I thought BC was Khan from moment one but then they started the whole “SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS HE’S TOTALLY NOT KHAN!” campaign.

I was SO DISAPPOINTED when they revealed the Mandarin. They had been building to it since the beginning of the first movie and the terrorists who belonged to “the Ten Rings.”
I was ready for some real magic vs tech throwdown, and, in a perfect world, Fin Fang Foom. Instead it was just a pothead actor. What a waste of potential awesomeness.
Candace's avatar

Candace· 106 weeks ago

As a dyed-in-the-wool Trekkie who grew up on TOS, I enjoyed the film, although there were a couple of plot holes other commenters have already mentioned above which took me out of the movie. That being said, TOS episodes *never* had plot holes. (Said wryly.)

It didn’t bother me that Peter Weller was used again in a similar role. TOS re-used actors for different roles a couple of times, too, so there is precedent. (I guess they thought no one would notice?!?)

As far as the underuse of Sulu, to be fair, he was actually a supporting character in TOS, who did not appear in every episode. That being said, he and Chekov were my favorite characters when I was growing up, although that was primarily because I had crushes on George Takei and Walter Koenig. OTOH, he did get to be awesome for a bit while Acting Captain.

1 · active 106 weeks ago

I would have loved at least one “OH MYYYY,” when he sat in the big chair.
I really enjoyed the movie but yeah, it’s not the same as the old Star Trek. The old Trek had a greater emphasis on the details and continuity. You can’t really nitpick the Abrams Trek the same way you can nitpick the old Trek. The dialogue, action, acting, and effects were all great but the plot was probably on the level of a Voyager or Enterprise episode.

Regardless, I still wished the movie had been a bit slower and more subtle. The old Section 31 used elaborate secret plans filled with political manipulations, lies, and betrayals. It kind of sucks how they’ve been turned into a bunch of dumb warmongers who barely even try to hide their existence. Also, I wish there had been a greater focus on Khan’s intellect and charisma rather than his physical strength.

Orion M's avatar

Orion M· 106 weeks ago

I was mostly very happy with it.

But yeah, not even Zachary Quinto could keep a straight face through Spock yelling KHAAAAAAAAN! The whole theatre was laughing uncontrollably. Possibly because it was the Cinnebarre and they serve all the boozes, but still.

Benedict Cumberbatch sold Khan to me as measured and superior in a way Ricardo Montalban never did. I’ve seen basically the gamut of Trek, and for all I was told it was The Awesome Special Sauce, I never cared much for Wrath of Khan. I felt that Khan in ST2 showed severe devolution from his remarkably well-crafted appearance in TOS. He wasn’t brilliant or deadly or even particularly dangerous.

(And the Space Magic that resurrects Spock is no less ridiculous than the Space Magic that resurrects Kirk. More ridiculous, actually. But Star Trek has always been about ridiculous Space Magic, so I forgive them both on that count.)

Anyway, I don’t agree that it’s entirely 100% a reboot of ST2 – it’s the main story threads of ST2 and The Undiscovered Country rolled into one, with some name-drops of things from DS9 and TOS to establish background flavor. It’s my hope that Section 31 gets some more love in Trek 3.

On a completely unrelated note, if I ever work with Benedict Cumberbatch, I will only ever call him by his full name. “Would you like some more coffee, Benedict Cumberbatch?” “Strange weather today, isn’t it, Benedict Cumberbatch?” “You make a very good point, Benedict Cumberbatch!” “My good friend Benedict Cumberbatch is an excellent actor. Oh, Benedict Cumberbatch, I was just talking about you!”

I’m sure he’d deck me after like half an hour, but that would be totally worth it. I mean, how many people get punched by Benedict Cumberbatch?

Saw it again tonight and thought of a couple more things I would have added to my review. I LOVED the inclusion of Section 31 from the DS9 Canon. Considering how Section 31 is never fully understood in DS9 or even an official part of Starfleet, they could totally be hopping over from the Abrams continuity into the Berman/Moore-verse.

Does Carol Marcus change her name to Carol Marius at the end, or does Kirk just say her name weird when he welcomes her back on the ship?

I totally blanked on the fact that when the dad at the beginning goes to work at the “archive,” that he walked right past the missiles and a bunch of non-archive weapons manufacturing equipment. Also that the archive was named the “Kelvin Memorial Archive.”

I missed the reference to “the Mudd incident” the first time through.

Right when Bones looks on in disbelief at Kirk’s dead body, my friend Rob goes, “You’re dead, Jim,” and I lost my shit.

6 replies · active 104 weeks ago

OH! And the model of the Phoenix on Marcus’s desk. That was an additional bit of badassery.
Nice list of easter eggs here: http://screenrant.com/star-trek-into-darkness-eas…

I was a little disappointed that Bones didn’t tell Kirk that he had only been “mostly dead”, because Princess Bride references rock 😉

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB· 105 weeks ago

They (Lindelhoff, et al) also wrote another prequel comic for this movie, like they did the ’09 one, which has a good deal of set up for this movie, along with a nice backstory to another captain of the Enterprise.
They kind of missed the point of Section 31. It’s supposed to be a super secret organization that almost no one knows exists. Its methods are supposed to be almost impossible to track. Most importantly, people are supposed to be surprised and appalled by its existence. The very idea that something so antithetical to what the Federation stands for can exist within the very heart of Starfleet is supposed to be extremely controversial and hard for people to believe. It’s kind of like learning that your nice friendly neighbor who gets along with everyone and is a pillar of the community turned out to be a mafia hitman.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 105 weeks ago

While Kirk was hot on the revenge warpath when he was told about it, the reactions of everyone else on the Enterprise to the torpedoes seems to be about what you wanted. I loved that Scotty put his foot down and they actually carried that through to the repercussions, even if it was to get him in place to come back into the picture in Act 2/3. Chekhov’s look upon his “promotion” was both a meta “oh crap I’m putting on a red shirt” and an “oh crap I need to keep this ship running.”
Yes, I found a lot of the music cues too intrusive/instructive. For example, when Kirk is trying to kick the warp core into place. It takes forever, which is great for suspense, but you know EXACTLY the kick when it’s going to start working again because the music SUDDENLY CRESCENDOES before he kicks it. Which kind of momentarily ruins all the suspense they were trying to build.

This is not a subtle movie.

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB· 105 weeks ago

I’m just glad to know that kicking things to get them to work is still a valid repair technique, even into the 23rd century.
I am very glad you liked it! The fan community that I’m a member of that sprang up around the 2009 movie has been… less than supportive. I guess the first time around people would only join if they’d liked the movie, and now everyone’s been hanging around for four years waiting and there’s no guarantee they’ll like it.

I enjoyed it. On second watching I found the plot holes and glaring inconsistencies more bothersome, but I still love most of the character beats and all the funny quips. And I really loved the first part of the plot where Kirk loses his captaincy because yes, he is an irresponsible ass at that point. I think a lot of things about the movie were very well done.

And Benedict Cumberbatch… I believe I am permanently melted into a puddle of goo about that man. Between my recent re-watching of Sherlock and then seeing STID twice, I just can’t stand what an excellent actor he is.

It was… enjoyable on the whole, I suppose. But there were just too many moments that utterly killed the tension and/or pacing for me. One in particular really just ruined the rest of the movie for me; The scene where Kirk “dies” has NO WEIGHT WHATSOEVER, because of poorly delivered, heavy-handed foreshadowing about magical anti-death-blood. The premise is… silly, but forgivable, BUT I literally spent the entire scene between Kirk and Spock at the radiation shield screaming in my head, “SHUT UP, HE’S GOING TO BE FINE”.

There are a million little details that bug me, but those can be overlooked in service of the story. Sort of. But a major point of dramatic tension being ruined by sloppy writing is a serious no-no. (I mean, we knew Kirk wasn’t staying dead, but there was NO MYSTERY AT ALL COME ON.)

I love J.J.’s alt universe as long as I keep reminding myself that he is rebooting the franchise. Frankly, anyone who wanted this movie to be a remake of Wrath of Kahn or “Space Seed,” the episode where you actually find out everything about Kahn, is an idiot in my opinion. I’ve heard it screamed on forums that Cumberbatch is great, but he didn’t get to be KAHN in the sacrosanct, undiluted, original series way they wanted, but you know what? Cumberbatch can walk over my cold corpse any day (feel free to interpret that anyway you want to) and his Kahn is just as compelling as Montalban’s. I don’t want to sit through a remake of the Wrath of Kahn. I want new, fresh material, and new takes on the most frightening villains and that is exactly what J.J. gave me.
Rev-e's avatar

Rev-e· 105 weeks ago

I was thinking that the old school original timeline movies made more of a point about taking on big-picture real world issues…then I remembered starfleet authorizing a drone strike on someone else’s sovereign territory to take out a terrorist and got the point.
Spot on review. Well done Joel. Big ups.
manbeardman's avatar

manbeardman· 105 weeks ago

i just saw it last night and …….. meh i couldnt get into it i think cause i loved the original wrath of khan so much still a good movie
Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

I hated Chekhov in the original series, and I hate that JJ brought Jim back–and WAAAAAAAYYYY too early in the first movie. All the crew were seasoned veterans in TOS compared to Chekhov. Why do we need a cheesy Russian accent? I was thrilled in the beginning of Star Trek II when they infected Chekhov with that brain slug that was SUPPOSED to be fatal, but then they miraculously saved him at the end. Of course, I was the rare exception to all the Star Trek geeks at the time Wrath of Khan came out–I hated what they did with Khan. In the original story, Khan was a powerful farkin’ genius–a truly remarkable opponent. In Wrath of Khan he was a raving whack-job who they defeated because he got a case of the dumb and forgot that space is three-dimensional. COME ON, that wasn’t Khan–that was Khan’s crazy, Alzheimer’s-addled uncle Bernie Noonien Singh.
My wife and I, for the next several days, found an astounding number of opportunities to say: “YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME SLEEP.”
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https://hijinksensue.com/comic/into-dickness/feed/ 4 3412
Everybody Wants Prosthetic Foreheads On Their Real Heads https://hijinksensue.com/comic/everybody-wants-prosthetic-foreheads-on-their-real-heads/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/everybody-wants-prosthetic-foreheads-on-their-real-heads/#comments Sat, 04 May 2013 00:50:22 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3379

I am very bad at seeing movies right when they come out. As my parenting has gotten stronger, my ability to drop everything at a moment’s notice and go to a 1am showing of a movie where nerds are likely to be dressed up in cloaks and brandishing lazer swords has severely diminished. I am […]]]>

I am very bad at seeing movies right when they come out. As my parenting has gotten stronger, my ability to drop everything at a moment’s notice and go to a 1am showing of a movie where nerds are likely to be dressed up in cloaks and brandishing lazer swords has severely diminished. I am also bad at seeing a headline like “DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE BECAUSE IT SPOILS THE ENTIRE MOVIE YOU REALLY WANT TO GO SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A BABY SITTER IN A FEW WEEKS!!!” and not reading it immediately.  I am my nerd enjoyment’s own worst enemy.

COMMENTERS: What’s the greatest length you’ve ever gone to in order to remain unspoiled? Given up the Internet? Severed friendships? GIVEN UP THE INTERET?!?! THE ACTUAL INTERNET?!?!?

Comments (39)

Yusaku777's avatar

Yusaku777 · 108 weeks ago

I actually made it through all three Star Wars prequels without ever seeing the trailers. I avoided everything possible, even the toys. And this was while I was working at Target. That was hard to do.

The biggest spoiler I got before one of the three movies? That Obi-wan grew a beard before the second movie. (Couldn’t avoid the graphics on the toy aisle end caps.)

5 replies · active 107 weeks ago

A buddy of mine bought the soundtrack for Episode 1 that came out something like 2 weeks before the film, and one of the tracks was called “The Death of Qui-Gon Jinn.” He said he’d never been angrier in his life (all 12 years of it).
That. Is. Fucking. Bullshit.
They did it on the Serenity Soundtrack too. Track 10 is called “Shepherd Book’s Last Words.” Of course by 2005, no one bought soundtracks anymore.
I was in uni during the prequels. Two months before Clones came out, a guy in class did a presentation and his background music was the unreleased (at that point) soundtrack. To make matters worse, he emailed everyone in class a copy of the script.

This is 2 months before the movie came out. God I was furious.

How he got those things, I have no idea.

Junkyard's avatar

Junkyard · 107 weeks ago

I actually made it through all three Star Wars prequels without ever seeing the films.
Haughty-helmet-wearing-hands-on-hips Joel is MY FAVORITE JOEL.

1 reply · active 108 weeks ago

It’s a permanent change. Glad you like it.
They Might Be Giants reference win!

2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

Rebecca's avatar

Rebecca · 108 weeks ago

Seriously! I was just remembering how much I loved listening to TMBG with my dad when I was in awkward pre-teen (and beyond). Even though Joel and I are the same age, he often reminds me of my dad in these nerdy ways that are also sometimes really touching.
Go to your room.
Athene's avatar

Athene · 108 weeks ago

When the LOTR movies came out, I refused to watch any trailers. I think I saw some stills, but that is it. Whenever a trailer would come on, I would change the channel or leave the room. If I couldn’t change the channel or leave, I’d close my eyes and hum until I was sure it was over. I’m actually really glad I did that because a lot of the wonderful visual moments were brand new to me when I saw the movies.

1 reply · active 108 weeks ago

I guess that’s different for me since when a movie is based on a book that everyone knows the ending to, I dont really consider it a spoiler.
My dad went to see Skyfall before me. He was going to say something about it but
I told him to shut up, because a mere mention of him liking it or not would tell me many things, as I know his taste in movies.

At the moment Star Trek Into Darkness is the only film I’m spoiler-shielding myself as I got to see Iron Man 3 last weekend. I should just go tumblr-free until I’ve seen it. I don’t watch trailers online, but mere seconds after any new material comes out, there’s a saturated gif set, fan art, frame by frame analysis and crossover with Supernatural or something. Tumblr savior is a thing, sure, but it only works if people tag their posts properly.

I’m going to see the Great Gatsby, but I read the book and Kate Beaton’s strips, so the only thing internet can spoil for me is the level of trainwreck.

As for Superman, I saw a Man of Steel teaser in the cinema and at first thought it was a gritty fishing drama, The Perfect Storm 2 or something.

2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

“My dad went to see Skyfall before me… that was 8 months ago. I may never speak to him again.”
Greg's avatar

Greg · 108 weeks ago

I prepared for my trip to the cinema with my wife to see Skyfall for her birthday by going the week before with a work colleague. I deserve a prize for keeping my mouth shut.
Being in that slightly niche position of being in the UK, but also liking NFL, for the 2012 Superbowl I had to record the match on the Sunday night, and wasn’t able to watch it until the Tuesday evening. So I spent 2 whole days ignoring every and any media possible – no internet, no radio, no newspapers, no TV. It was hellish, but I managed to avoid finding out the result.
I’ve so far remained almost entirely knowledge-free about Star Trek Into Darkness. No trailers, nothing. I did accidentally come across some headlines that mentioned a major plot point (which I assume is in the trailers) when I was looking for photos from the London premiere.

I haven’t really given anything up – just been extremely careful around any internet-mention of the movie.

90percentgeek's avatar

90percentgeek · 108 weeks ago

I’m holding off reading the Game of Thrones novels until after the TV series (and therefore presumably the books) are completed. Its one of the only adaptations where I hadn’t got to reading the books before they chose to adapt it to another medium. As such whenever I say I like the show and someone starts to say how it compares to the books I have to shut them down quickly but politely and explain I haven’t read the books and want to make my own comparisons once I’ve watched the whole show.

2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 108 weeks ago

I’m reading a book after each tv season, so just read book 2. You could read book 1 and 2 and it wouldn’t affect your enjoyment of series 3.
Junkyard's avatar

Junkyard · 107 weeks ago

I found having read the books enhances my enjoyment of the series, rather than spoiling it. Great though the series is, the books are better, so I’d rather the spoiling happens that way around. Also, lots of little details in the series (which are barely explained) make far more sense with the background from the books.
Kiltmancomics's avatar

Kiltmancomics · 108 weeks ago

Google “Coolest Motorcycle Helmets” Ironman Is Among Them. As Someone Who Imdbs All Movies I Watch.. Spoilers Dont Bother Me..But A Load Of Movies I End Up Seeibg In My “Home Theatre” Via Redbox, Rather Than The Theatre, Because Of Schedules And Finances.. (Again, Sorry About Caps, All Words Seem Proper To The Android I Guess)
 Stephen's avatar

Stephen · 108 weeks ago

Spoilers don’t really bother me too much. I mean I don’t go seeking them out, but if someone lets something slip I’m not going to eviscerate them with my adamantium claws. The most important thing to me is not what happens but how it happens. It’s the journey, not the destination. Unless the destination sucks… then no amount of journey can save it.
The Black Dog's avatar

The Black Dog · 108 weeks ago

I have a few people who are being filtered out of my Twitter feed because they decided this year to start quoting lines from Mad Men as they are watching the new episodes. I can’t watch the episode until Monday so I don’t want to be spoiled.
ElNick's avatar

ElNick · 108 weeks ago

I’d been talking to this girl for a while; she’s hot, I think she’s a little into me too, the conversation’s flowing as great as ever, when:

‘Oh yeah I saw the Avengers on the weekend! -character name- dies, how sad.’

I never spoke to her again. On sheer principle.

skoby's avatar

skoby · 108 weeks ago

I was 13 when The Matrix was released and it was rated 15 here, I tried getting in to see it with some older mates but failed. Two of my friends at school somehow got to see it and I somehow managed to avoid any major spoilers right up until a week before it was released on video (didn’t have a dvd player yet lol) and then for some reason one of the teachers decided to use the plot of the matrix for a subject of an assembly somehow twisting it to a metaphor about Christianity and Jesus, everything from the humans being used as a power source, being betrayed by Cypher (yes they even said his name), Zion and Neo’s powers.

Totally ruined the film for me and I think I may be the only person here who enjoyed the sequels more than the original, as disappointing as they were at least I didn’t see any spoilers.

bionelly's avatar

bionelly · 108 weeks ago

I don’t really worry too much about movie spoilers – the whole responsible-parent thing, combined with a general lack of funds, means that I almost never see a movie less than a month after it comes out (and the vast majority wait until they’re on Netflix) and by then it’s pretty much a lost cause. If I have to wait a few days to see a TV episode I’ll go into “internet quarantine”, though – I don’t stay away from the internet entirely, but places like this, tumblr, fan forums and news sites are off-limits.

3 replies · active 108 weeks ago

I manage to make it to the theater about 6 times a year. I like seeing a movie when it’s new, but I find the overall theater experience pretty dreadful. During Iron Man 3 a woman behind me was explaining the entire movie to her 10 year old THE ENTIRE TIME. She never stopped talking at a normal volume.
Those are the worst types of people.
Rebecca's avatar

Rebecca · 108 weeks ago

At least you know she is going to the special hell.
Connor's avatar

Connor · 108 weeks ago

So far during every Saturday since the second part of season 7 of Doctor Who I give up the internet until I have seen the episode. As for movies it is hard to stay away from spoilers when I have a sister who won’t ever stop spoiling stuff like Iron Man 3 to me. I wish I had that helmet for those times.
I wanted to be absolutely surprised for the very last YJ comic issue, so I stayed off Tumblr and twitter the whole day. I know that sounds like a small task but I work from a computer ALL DAY, so the temptation was right there the whole time. It was worth it since the last two pages had moments for my favorite pairing ever.
MichaelH's avatar

MichaelH · 108 weeks ago

I rely on stupidity and bad memory to remain spoiler free for something. A UK Sci-fi magazine back in the day spoiled the Angel/Buffy huge plot twistfor mid season 2, ages before I saw Buffy on normal BBC TV. Infact I think I got the video from Blockbuster ahead of series 2 being shown, and was surprised. Then went ‘oh, wait… duh’

Recently, both a friend and I were completely blindsided by the villain reveal in Dark Knight Rises, despite having heard the character name and person who played them being revealed in the starting run up to the film, before it was even realised this was a spoiler.

I go the other way and deliberately spoil stuff for myself assuming I’ll never see the TV show, etc in question, and then later decide to get in to it 🙁

Currently the furthest I go to be spoiler free is giving up twitter until I’ve seen the newest Strip Searched. I even braved twitter when I hadn’t seen the latest Doctor Who. Though that was because it was a stand alone episode. If it had been the final episode… well, it’s easier to just watch the darn thing no matter the tim of night/morning than avoid the internet for too long!

Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 108 weeks ago

I do close my eyes, cover my ears and hum a tune when I see a commercial or promo for a show or movie I am looking forward to seeing. Working at home makes a difference, I don’t pass by newsstands or hear people conversing on the bus or at the “office”, since my office is my basement.

The less plugged in you are the easier it is to avoid spoilers; no tumblr, no twitter, and I avoid Yahoo news at times. For reality show contests like Survivor, Project Runway, and Idol, I no longer watch Entertainment Tonight or other entertainment news shows, that cuts down on the chance of the finales being spoiled until I have a chance to watch them. Even managed to record the Oscars and watch it two days later, without any knowledge of who won.

I managed to avoid being spoiled on the dark knight rises for almost 2 years

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 107 weeks ago

Alfred did it.
BlackBunny's avatar

BlackBunny · 107 weeks ago

I stopped reading this comic (and started avoiding all forms of internet geekery) because I couldn’t bring myself to watch Doctor Who series 7 part I until January and I was afraid of spoilers (I didn’t want my time with the Ponds to end!). While I managed to stay spoiler-free, I alienated several friends who wanted my opinions on the series. It was a dark, humourless time.
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Clark Has Two Daddies https://hijinksensue.com/comic/clark-has-two-daddies/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/clark-has-two-daddies/#comments Tue, 23 Apr 2013 05:48:00 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3356

Discount HE shirts with super closeout deals! Come on down to Uncle HijiNKS T-Shirtery and clothe your naked corpse in haha’s! These things are facts: The new Man Of Steel trailer makes that movie look like a thing that A) I would enjoy watching and B) perhaps be the first non embarrassing live-action Superman movie ever. Additionally, […]]]>

Discount HE shirts with super closeout deals! Come on down to Uncle HijiNKS T-Shirtery and clothe your naked corpse in haha’s!

These things are facts: The new Man Of Steel trailer makes that movie look like a thing that A) I would enjoy watching and B) perhaps be the first non embarrassing live-action Superman movie ever. Additionally, I will never get over what I saw Amy Adams do to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s daddy-pouch in The Master. It was like she was hastily sifting through a pile of loose meat, discarding the fat and gristle, and the pile of meat was depressed about the whole ordeal. Here’s hoping if Lois Lane gives Supes a handy in MoS, that it’s done without all that Paul Thomas Anderson “LOOK SOCIETY! THIS IS YOU! YOU ARE GROSS!” flair.

Speaking of embarrassing Superman movies, I watched most of Superman II (the one I THOUGHT was good) for the first time in maybe 5 years last week. Turns out it’s a pile of crazy nonsense garbage just like all the other Superman movies. I think it was my young mind comparing it to the even more atrocious levels of garbage in Supermans 3 and 4 that twisted my memory into thinking II was “good for its time.” Nope. It’s ridiculous and terrible. I could go into detail, but instead of taking up pages and pages nitpicking all of the problems with that movie, how about you just think of every time any person in Superman II does or says ANYTHING… OK, those are the terrible things I am talking about.

COMMENTERS: What movie scenes have stuck with you over the years as particular unsettling, macabre or disturbing? Does the creep out factor hold up to this day?

Comments (26)

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May I respectfully disagree with you on the first Superman film. Yes, it have issues. (Otis, the spinning earth backwards thing at the end.) But it still has that Iconic John Williams score and Christopher Reeve crushing it as big blue.
Two is a Frankenstein movie made of two different shoots. Three takes an interesting idea (Superman turning evil.) a squanders it on Goon Show blackout gags and a shoehorned in Richard Pryor.
Four is best left mentioned in shadows for fear of accidentally unleashing dark and angry forces.
That one time that guy tore off his own face in Poltergeist. That ruined me as a kid.

3 replies · active 112 weeks ago

UnderTheDark's avatar

UnderTheDark · 112 weeks ago

The Tequila Worm.

That is all I can say without vomiting up my toenails from sheer terror.

Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

That was truly horrifying.
Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

(The Poltergeist thing, that is.)
The scene in A Beautiful Mind where the wife walks into the shed to find the web of string. Creeped me out completely.
Face melting off in Raiders.

1 reply · active 112 weeks ago

Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

Oh, god, the bugs in Temple of Doom. The buuuuugs!
Ali's avatar

Ali · 112 weeks ago

When I saw Galaxy Quest in theaters as a kid, I was grossed out by the inside-out exploding monster, and the fact that one of the aliens walked around with a bit of exploded monster goo on his face for the entire rest of the movie. Still haven’t gotten over that. As much as I love practically everyone in the cast, I’m reluctant to watch the movie again because of the grossness.
Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia.
Greg's avatar

Greg · 112 weeks ago

If you want to see a film that will stay with you for a while, see Gary Oldman’s “Nil By Mouth” based on his experiences growing up in South London. Lots of unsettling scenes, including Ray Winstone’s character beating up his pregnant wife (played by Cathy Burke).
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2 · 112 weeks ago

A movie that has stayed with me for a very long time is the original “Planet of the Apes,” especially the final few scenes.
Seeing Scanners as a much too young kid on VHS…head exploding scene. I had nightmares for ooh, decades. And Poltergeist – the clown bit. Same viewing. Oh and I also loved Amerifan Werewolf in London but the dream within a dream, Underground and head bounfe bits…instant nigtmares!
The brain eating scene in Hannibal.
DragonRose's avatar

DragonRose · 112 weeks ago

My brother convinced me to watch Fargo a couple of years ago, I was really into it until the woodchipper scene. . .
TJ's avatar

TJ · 112 weeks ago

The Sister In The Flashback Of Pet Semetary.. Rising Up Out Of Her Bed, Demonic Voice.. That Got Me As A Yoot (Sorry About Caps, My Phone Finds It Necessary To CapAll Words?) Also..The “Jackal” From 13 Ghosts..The First Few TImes I Saw It That Really Creeped Me Out..One Day I MannD Up And Paused The Screen, Made Myself Stare At It.. In Doing So, I Realized It Was Not A Woman, But A Man..Who Kinda Looks Like Barry Pepper, And It Was No Longer Frightening.
Ever since I saw the House on Haunted Hill remake, I’ve not been scared by horror films (I was startled by the sound effects a few times, though, and the fact there weren’t any lights on in the room didn’t help). Then again, the only horror films I’ve watched before then was the Evil Dead trilogy
Storvik's avatar

Storvik · 112 weeks ago

“They killed Superman! Let’s get ’em!”

One of the stupidest things ever said in any movie; because if those three just killed Superman, your wooden stick isn’t likely to avenge him.

Candace's avatar

Candace · 112 weeks ago

There are parts of Monty Python’s Meaning of Life that I still can’t talk about, nor abide anyone else talking about in my presence.

Also, I think I’ve blocked parts of the re-make of Cape Fear with Robert De Niro because he was so utterly terrifying in that role. I was white-knuckled and on the edge of my seat for almost the entirety of that movie.

1 reply · active 111 weeks ago

Animaniac's avatar

Animaniac · 111 weeks ago

“Eeets wafer thin!”
DocBones's avatar

DocBones · 111 weeks ago

The Wrath of Kahn. I still scream and climb on a table every time I see an earwig.
Debs's avatar

Debs · 111 weeks ago

I can’t remember for certain, but I think it was a Pop Tarts commercial where it shows rapidly changing faces that blend into one another at the end. I know it is crazy, but it gave me nightmares for years. I still get creeped out by the thought of it.

I also used to anthropomorphize objects too much, so the new m&m commercials totally freak me out too. Thank the Doctor for dvrs.

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Dark Tutelage https://hijinksensue.com/comic/dark-tutelage/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/dark-tutelage/#comments Thu, 11 Apr 2013 13:54:56 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3341

I have never seen The Evil Dead, Evild Dead 2 or Army Of Darkness. Yes, I understand that this represents a significant gap in both my geek education and credibility. I really do think this sort of thing is the direct result of not having an older sibling, cousin, neighbor, whatever that would have introduced […]]]>

I have never seen The Evil Dead, Evild Dead 2 or Army Of Darkness. Yes, I understand that this represents a significant gap in both my geek education and credibility. I really do think this sort of thing is the direct result of not having an older sibling, cousin, neighbor, whatever that would have introduced me to and apprenticed me in the Devil’s music, periodicals and moving pictures. Oh well. As they say, “Darkness is as darkness does,” and I’m indulging in and spreading all manner of unholy propaganda these days, so I guess I’ve made up for lost time.

Sex, drugs, Rock and Roll, Hail Satan.

COMMENTERS: Are there any major gaps or omissions in your geek pedigree? Did having/not having an older sibling effect the media you were exposed to?

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Chicken Fight https://hijinksensue.com/comic/chicken-fight/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/chicken-fight/#comments Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:17:40 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3339

I was going to draw Hodor and Hagrid carrying their respective semi-motionless boy-bodies around, but I decided they should be having a bit more fun. COMMENTERS: Who are your favorite fictional duo or team to fall into the “behemoth and small person” trope? I can think of tons of examples from comic books proper, but […]]]>

I was going to draw Hodor and Hagrid carrying their respective semi-motionless boy-bodies around, but I decided they should be having a bit more fun.

COMMENTERS: Who are your favorite fictional duo or team to fall into the “behemoth and small person” trope? I can think of tons of examples from comic books proper, but not that many from film and TV. Maybe you recall some obscure one’s that I don’t.

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Game Delayed https://hijinksensue.com/comic/game-delayed/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/game-delayed/#comments Sun, 31 Mar 2013 14:59:06 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3330

Today is the 5 year anniversary of The Experiment. I posted some thoughts (a LOT of thoughts) about it here. If you are a fan of The Experiment and would like to see it continue, please consider making a donation, buying something from the HE Store orSharksplode or checking out my Amazon Wishlist. I am quite literally 100% dependent on the kindness of strangers. It’s […]]]>

Today is the 5 year anniversary of The Experiment. I posted some thoughts (a LOT of thoughts) about it here.

If you are a fan of The Experiment and would like to see it continue, please consider making a donation, buying something from the HE Store orSharksplode or checking out my Amazon Wishlist. I am quite literally 100% dependent on the kindness of strangers. It’s a weird job, I know.

If you want a ZERO DOLLAR way to support HijiNKS ENSUE, pleasepost a few of your favorite HE comics to your site, blog or social media outlet of choice with a few words as to why you think your friends might enjoy reading HE as well.

I’ve really enjoyed writing and drawing this HBO story line. The whole series is archived here. I haven’t actually cancelled the free HBO, and thus it remains my fickle mistress. Last night I watched Se7en (despite already owning it on Blu-Ray and having never actually watched my copy), and a few reruns of Veep (which is seriously the smartest/funniest TV writing since Arrested Development), but I also watched about half of some god damn documentary about Beyonce.

[UPDATE 4/1/13]

Beyonce isn’t a great singer and she isn’t an “artist.” She’s a good singer and anyone (ANYONE) who sang about as well as she does and looked about as attractive as he is perceived to be COULD (not WOULD) have everything she has. None of those traits are a crime. Pop music and celebrity culture in general often reward the middle. Mediocrity keeps you in the public eye much longer than one hit wonders and lights that burn too bright. But, if you’re going to follow someone around with a camera crew for a year, it would be best if that someone were A) an interesting person, B) Not the C-estof C-Words to everyone that works for her and C) grounded in at least some fashion to a world where they haven’t been rich and famous their entire lives. Watching her live her “fabulous” life was just boring as all miserable fuck. Beyonce isn’t evil, but she oozes a sense of entitlement that (per my working theory) stems from being brought up in a wealthy family, then getting too famous and too rich at too young of an age to ever really relate to anyone who isn’t a superstar millionaire. In my opinion, Gwyenth Paltrow also fits into this category. They are both good at their jobs, but I doubt either would make for a fun addition to movie or game night. LET ME OFF OF YOUR PROGRAMMING QUALITY ROLLER COASTER, HBO YOU CONTEMPTIBLE SHREW! VEX ME NO LONGER!

COMMENTERS: Which celebrity do you think you would have the most fun actually hanging out with. Bonus points if your answer is Jon Hamm, because that is the correct answer. Who would be the least fun?

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A House Is Not A Home Box Office https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-house-is-not-a-home-box-office/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-house-is-not-a-home-box-office/#comments Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:47:37 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3321

Nearly everything Joel says in this comic is true, in so much as I got HBO for free (so I could watch Game Of Thrones) a few days ago and I’ve since gone on a “watching things that are bad for me” spree. Here are some incredibly short reviews of the movies I have subjected […]]]>

Nearly everything Joel says in this comic is true, in so much as I got HBO for free (so I could watch Game Of Thrones) a few days ago and I’ve since gone on a “watching things that are bad for me” spree.

Here are some incredibly short reviews of the movies I have subjected myself to via HBO this week:

Battleship: 45 minutes into Battleship, the movie has just barely started. Everything before that is unnecessary exposition. Everything after that is unnecessary explosion. Liam “John Taken” Neeson is in it for maybe 90 seconds. This comic was 100% accurate.

The Matrix Sequels: There are levels on which I can enjoy some parts of The Matrix: Reloaded. The end.

Alien Resurrection: The first 30 minutes of this movie are like the lost original pilot to Firefly. The reasons for this are numerous and obvious. Despite that, the very first time Dan Hedaya (General Perez) opens his mouth you know that something is terribly wrong. He plays like the evil real estate tycoon in a made-for-TV Goonies sequel that never happened who’s trying to shut down the kids’ rec center because it was built on top of a vault full of pirate treasure. In this fictional film the asian kid has been replaced by a robot. The robot was built by the asian kid and only speaks in catch phrases. Oh yeah. Alien Resurrection. After whatever I just said happens, then everything else that happens is terrible.

I really shouldn’t be left alone with HBO.

Regarding Girls, it’s actually one of my favorite new(ish) shows. I stand by my generalization in panel 3 above, but it’s fantastically written and acted by an extremely talented group of New York hipsters. Essentially every single character is a deplorable piece of garbage, but… in a good way. Or at least in an interesting way. I feel like in real life people have maybe one person in their lives who’s as self centered and myopic as every single character on Girls. Any more an life would be entirely unbearable. In a Girlsiverse scenario, where everyone you know is as horrible as you are, everyone would immediately enter into a murder/suicide pact and the show would only last about 4 minutes. Does that sound like a resoundingly positive recommendation? Well, it is. Watch it. Good stuff.

COMMENTERS: Has a new service (TV, Internet, magazine, mail order or otherwise) ever taken you down a long, deep, dark rabbit hole of time wasting? 

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John Carter Of Veronica Mars https://hijinksensue.com/comic/john-carter-of-veronica-mars/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/john-carter-of-veronica-mars/#comments Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:09:16 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3308

I’ve been meaning to watch Veronica Mars for several years, but I’ve never actually gotten around to it. I guess I should get on that. I’m always happy when someone finds a way to circumvent the established systems that are in place for keeping people from getting their creativity out to the people that would appreciate it. […]]]>

I’ve been meaning to watch Veronica Mars for several years, but I’ve never actually gotten around to it. I guess I should get on that.

I’m always happy when someone finds a way to circumvent the established systems that are in place for keeping people from getting their creativity out to the people that would appreciate it. Garageband, iTunes, YouTube, Kickstarter and a host of other softwares and services (including the Internet in general) that mostly didn’t exist a decade ago exist, in part, to shake up the status quo of the creative industrial complex and break down the barriers between content creators and their fans. They also exist to make large amounts of money for their owners and shareholders.

See, that’s the thing. The systems by which creative people are given license and funds to create a thing and distribute it to their audience aren’t changing all that much. It’s just that we’re slowly removing redundancies, levels of arbitrary approvals, and decreasing the number of obsolete middlemen in order to take a 50 step process down to a 5 step one. I want to make this. Do you want it? Ok, give me money and I’ll do it and then you can have it. Here, I made it like I said I would. Thanks. That’s pretty much how it’s always been, accept now those are the ONLY steps (in most cases), instead of just the major milestones between dozens of other, smaller ones. That isn’t to say creating a thing like a show or a book or an album doesn’t require hundreds of steps, and hours and often times people. It’s just that there are fewer INDIVIDUALS that can tell you, “No. Stop this,” and you’d actually have to stop.

 The Veronica Mars Kickstarter (which funded on its first day and is currently hovering over $3 million) is a different beast than your typical crowd funded project. Instead of a person or team with an idea to make a thing, and all they need is money and time, this is a studio owned property that’s jammed up sideways with the typical Hollywood bullshit red tape. Rob Thomas doesn’t own his show, which means some WB exec said, “We’re not going to give you $2 million to make a movie for a cancelled show that no one cares about. Come at me with a pitch for an adapted fairy tale but with hot teens and we’ll talk business. Now it’s TIME FOR COCAINE!” And Rob Thomas said, “A) I do not front Matchbox 20. That is a DIFFERENT dude. And B) How about I get the Internet to give you $2 milly? Then can we do our movie?” And that exec probably replied, “SURE WHATEVER IS IT HOT IN HERE TO YOU IT’S PRETTY HOT TO ME I DON’T THINK IT WAS THIS HOT BEFORE I DID ALL THIS COOOOCAAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNE!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGLGLGLGLG!!!!!”

I honestly forgot what I was writing about during that last part, so I’ll wrap up by saying that this is the first step in a BIG BIG change in how very expensive projects get made or whether they get made at all. There will certainly be some (probably A LOT) of people that take this idea and try to replicate its success in extremely dumb ways, but there will probably also be quite a few worthy projects that get off the ground because of it. I don’t think we’ll get a Serenity 2: Zombie Wash In Space from Kickstarter any time soon, but I bet we get a few more proper finales to some unduly truncated TV shows. It’s a BIG baby step in the right direction.

COMMENTERS: First off, are you psyched for this Veronica Mars movie? Did you love the show or overlook it as “Buffy without monsters” like I did? Second thing: What property do you think would best benefit from a Kickstarter resurrection? A cancelled show, a long rumored and eventually shelved movie project? A video game sequel that never happened?

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Emerald City Comicon 2013 Fancy Sketches https://hijinksensue.com/comic/emerald-city-comicon-2013-fancy-sketches/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/emerald-city-comicon-2013-fancy-sketches/#comments Mon, 04 Mar 2013 22:18:45 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3291

Despite being sick with a cold and feeling like a burlap sack full of gravel and crap all weekend, Emerald City Comicon was still (as always) a fantastically fun and rewarding experience. Any other show and I might have let my illness dampen my spirits but the organizers and attendees of ECCC shine in every way that […]]]>

Despite being sick with a cold and feeling like a burlap sack full of gravel and crap all weekend, Emerald City Comicon was still (as always) a fantastically fun and rewarding experience. Any other show and I might have let my illness dampen my spirits but the organizers and attendees of ECCC shine in every way that make a convention great. I cannot stress enough that THIS is the show you need to be saving up for and traveling to from out of state. It’s gotten bigger and better every year and shows no signs of stopping.

I did my very best not infect my fellow cartoonists and the attendees with my virus, but I expect that the CDC will eventually identify me as Patient Zero in what will come to be known as “The Plague of Nations.” Totes sorry, guys LOL. #yolo

COMMENTERS: Have you ever had a trip, event or highly anticipated whatever sidelined by illness? Did you stay home and rest like a sensible human or did you go, stay out until 4am every night partying like a monster then put yourself in contact with 1000’s of people every day like an even bigger monster? Who does that?

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Seat Fillers https://hijinksensue.com/comic/seat-fillers/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/seat-fillers/#comments Tue, 26 Feb 2013 06:01:42 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3280

Forgive me, dear Fancy Twitter Bastards, if you have already read 2/3 of these jokes. I decided to borrow from my time-shifted Oscar’s live tweets from Monday night to fill in the gaps above (hence the secret double meaning pun title in which I reveal that I am a monster). I started watching the Academy […]]]>

Forgive me, dear Fancy Twitter Bastards, if you have already read 2/3 of these jokes. I decided to borrow from my time-shifted Oscar’s live tweets from Monday night to fill in the gaps above (hence the secret double meaning pun title in which I reveal that I am a monster). I started watching the Academy Awards about 90 minutes into the broadcast. I figured that would give me enough time to skip all the boring parts and just barely catch up with the end. I tweeted as I watched, which must have been jarring for anyone following both me and everyone tweeting the show in real time. Afterwards, I went back and read the previous 3 hours of my twitter feed and realized something odd. The jokes in my feed, provided for free by professional funny-makers and my friends (many of whom themselves are pros at funny-making) was 1000% more entertaining than the awards themselves. But… those highly entertaining tweets (containing no less than 5 L actual OL moments) would not have been possible if not for the incredibly boring Oscar telecast. And they wouldn’t have been as funny had the Oscars not been so dry, flat and humorless. So does that leave me actually grateful for a miserably unfunny Oscars? I certainly don’t regret the jokes that I made which led to this comic, and the ones I read on my phone last night. I know this is a common occurrence in the age of constant connection and commentary but I started to wonder if there would be a tipping point where people gather around the water cooler to discuss NOT the Oscars or whatever communal viewing experience happened the night before, but rather the tweets that experience inspired.

Emerald City ComiCon 2013

Emerald City Comicon is THIS WEEKEND in Seattle. It is my favorite show of the year and I will be at the Blind Ferret Booth all weekend (#1106-1108).

I saw someone post something along the lines of “Why do you watch the Oscars? Why not just read a list of winners at the end?” I thought about it and came to the conclusion that awards shows, season finales, elections and other MUST SEE televised events provide us (the country, if not the entire world) with the rare chance to all be focused on the same thing at the same time. It’s so much easier to land a solid joke when you are experiencing something right along with your audience. You can get away with “This guy is all like…” instead of “Right now I’m watching Top Chef and this guy is all like…”. It lends an additional element of familiarity and brevity, a shorthand, to the experience. For pro-time funny-doers, I think it also allows them (us?) to experience something akin to laughter at a live show. The audience is right there with you, watching the awards and their RT’s and Fav’s and such can take the place of the instant approval a comedian seeks from a live audience.

I think about this stuff a lot. 

COMMENTERS: Have you ever enjoyed someone making fun of a thing more than the actual thing? I think the Red Letter Media reviews of the Star Wars prequels certainly qualify here. To expand on that thought, have you ever enjoyed a commentary, remix, tell all book, cover band or making of documentary more than the subject on which it focused?

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JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Comic By Angela Melick Of Wasted Talent https://hijinksensue.com/comic/joco-cruise-crazy-3-guest-comic-by-angela-melick-of-wasted-talent/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/joco-cruise-crazy-3-guest-comic-by-angela-melick-of-wasted-talent/#comments Mon, 11 Feb 2013 06:23:12 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3256

JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Fortnight is upon you! That’s right, two weeks of guest comics by some of my best friends and favorite artists. Week one, being this week, being the week that I’m actually on a high seas mechanical roving self contained party island (or B.O.A.T) will consist of four comics that sort […]]]>

JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Fortnight is upon you!
That’s right, two weeks of guest comics by some of my best friends and favorite artists. Week one, being this week, being the week that I’m actually on a high seas mechanical roving self contained party island (or B.O.A.T) will consist of four comics that sort of by accident tell a story. Its weird how it all worked out. Week two will be a “theme week” consisting of three artists giving their perspective on the same… well, theme (a certain Fox TV shows certain misappropriation of a certain bearded troubadour’s certain cover of a certain song about butts). After that we’ll have TWO MORE GUEST COMICS not even about cruises at all just to ease you back into laughing at picture+word combinations that are not about boats, oceans, rum punch or constantly blasting reggae music. I’ve seen all of the comics and I highly endorse each and every one. This is not a “check out for two weeks, then come back when the J.J. Abrams comics return” situation. You are going to LOVE these comics.

I made a bunch of shirts and put them on the internet for to you buy. Wil Wheaton helped.

We start the Guest Fortnight with one of my favorite artists and convention cohorts, Angela Melick. Angela is an engineer and does a wonderfully hilarious auto-bio comic called Wasted Talent. Take a look at that comic up there and you can the engineer’s mind at work. SO MUCH DETAIL. There are gags upon gags. Plus WHERE CAN I GET THAT CATAPULT-CANNON FEZ?!?!? This is also the very first time in HEstory that my wife, Emily, has been portrayed in the comic.

Since I’ll be writing all of these posts in the past, I can only assume what I’m doing right now (now being Monday, and the past being the previous Saturday). Hmm… we will have been on the water for a whole day by the time this post appears. Let’s assume Somali pirates have commandeered the buffet, but (joke’s on us) they’re FANTASTIC cooks. I’m probably not brushing my teeth with rum punch yet, but the week is still early.

COMMENTERS: You can see above that we’re bringing ukuleles and custom fezzes on our trip. What are your non-standard essential travel items? 

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Nibble, Nibble, Little Mouse https://hijinksensue.com/comic/nibble-nibble-little-mouse/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/nibble-nibble-little-mouse/#comments Wed, 06 Feb 2013 05:21:04 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3249

[STORE UPDATE] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!! My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many of […]]]>

[STORE UPDATE] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!!

My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many of my most popular large prints is still up and running and probably will be until I return from JoCo Cruise Crazy 3. Get on that mess while you can!

Randy tweeted most of what you see him saying in panel 2, and I threatened to twist his tweets into a comic. He responded by agreeing that it was a good idea. Then he shaved off most of his hair. I can only assume his response and the head shaving were all part of the same decision making process. Then he shaved off the rest of his hair, but kept the beard. In a matter of a day he went from “Deer Hunter with a beard” to “First Runner Up International Mr. Leather 2013.”

I still don’t believe Hansel And Gretel: Witch Exploders was a real thing. It’s more likely a psychic projection of one of Jeremy Renner’s recurring nightmares where he isn’t famous any more and he has to start doing SyFy made for TV “movies” to pay the rent.

COMMENTERS: I get the impression Hansel and Gretel was shot BEFORE Jeremy Renner got Bourne Legacy, MI4:GP and Avengers. It seems post those films Renner would have had enough cache to turn that fairy turd down. What movie or TV show do you recall where an actor seemed to be playing below their station. Did it signal a downtown in their career? Did it end their career? Did it change your perception of the actor?

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Purgatory Phil https://hijinksensue.com/comic/purgatory-phil/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/purgatory-phil/#comments Sat, 02 Feb 2013 10:35:07 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3244

[STORE UPDATE 02/04/13] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!! My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many […]]]>

[STORE UPDATE 02/04/13] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!!

My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many of my most popular large prints is still up and running and probably will be until I return from JoCo Cruise Crazy 3. Get on that mess while you can!

Think about Groundhog Day from Rita Prime’s (the Rita that continues to exist in Phil’s timeline at the end of the movie) perspective. She has this creep asshole that she works with. She knows he’s a selfish dickwad, he ignores her all day, shows how he has this secret life in this weird little town where everyone knows and loves him, then they go on ONE DATE and he says he’s happy because he loves her. They spend maybe 4 hours together total, he carves her face in ice from memory THEN TELLS HER HE LOVES HER. If these flags were any redder they would insist the means of production were controlled by the workers.

Now consider this: Phil has had somewhere between 5 and 500 years to perfect this one day. It’s  all he knows. He’s trained his mind and body to execute these particular moves, say these particular phrases, dance this completely choreographed 24 hours period all to trick this woman into liking his invented self and posses her fully based on his immortal Sysyphean fixation on her. What’s he going to do tomorrow? Be a normal dude who is not completely groundhog shit insane? Probably not. I submit to you that Groundhog Day is, in fact, a horror movie and though he may begin as the protagonist, before it is over Phil becomes the monster.

COMMENTERS: Can you think of any other movies, that upon later reflection are WAY creepier or scarier than they’re supposed to be?

RSS CHANGES!!!

I’ve stopped using Feedburner since Google has abandoned it. The old feedburner feed will continue to work, but you should resubscribe using http://hijinksensue.com/feed/.

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner, this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

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Dead Leaves On The Dirty Wind https://hijinksensue.com/comic/dead-leaves-on-the-dirty-wind/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/dead-leaves-on-the-dirty-wind/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:07:25 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3242

[STORE UPDATE 02/04/13] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!! My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many […]]]>

[STORE UPDATE 02/04/13] Thanks to the diligence of the Blind Ferret team, the HijiNKS Ensue Store is un-hacked, re-upped and back-backed! I’ve lost over a 1/4 of my merch revenue for the month (and Jan/Feb are already slow months) so let’s all go celebrate by BUYING SOMETHING!!!

My temporary PRINT SHOP with my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print and many of my most popular large prints is still up and running and probably will be until I return from JoCo Cruise Crazy 3. Get on that mess while you can!

COMMENTERS: Should the Firefly/Serenity ‘Verse continue, do you want them to find a way to resurrect Wash? If so, how? Long lost twin? Rapidly aged clone? Android haunted by the ghost Agent Coulson? I really hope it isn’t done with a Prequel since we wouldn’t see everything that changed in the ‘Verse post-Serenity.

RSS CHANGES!!!

I’ve stopped using Feedburner since Google has abandoned it. The old feedburner feed will continue to work, but you should resubscribe using http://hijinksensue.com/feed/.

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner, this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

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Rad Brobot https://hijinksensue.com/comic/rad-brobot/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/rad-brobot/#comments Tue, 29 Jan 2013 11:51:45 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3222

Blind Ferret’s server got hacked, so the HE Store is down for now. Sharksplode is still fully functional. I did a two part interview with the United We Geek podcast. You can listen to part 1 right here! Adventures of the Gummi Bears was one of those 80’s shows where someone said (someone in this case being […]]]>

Blind Ferret’s server got hacked, so the HE Store is down for now. Sharksplode is still fully functional.

I did a two part interview with the United We Geek podcast. You can listen to part 1 right here!

Adventures of the Gummi Bears was one of those 80’s shows where someone said (someone in this case being Michael  Eisner), “Hey, here’s a thing kids like. Let’s make a show about it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a food or a packaging material or an intangible idea or paint samples. Just make it all alive and add magic to it!” I always appreciated the lengths cartoon producers would go in the 80’s to make a show somehow appeal more to what they perceived children were. Like with the Punky Brewster cartoon, some guy saw a successful TV show about an orphan girl and her foster father and said, “Great premise, but let’s magic that shit up a notch! Bam! She’s got a fuzzy goblin from another dimension for a pet or whatever! 80’s cartoon producer guy, you’re a GENIUS.”

RSS CHANGES!!!

I’ve stopped using Feedburner since Google has abandoned it. The old feedburner feed will continue to work, but you should resubscribe using http://hijinksensue.com/feed/.

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner, this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

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Thick As A Brick https://hijinksensue.com/comic/thick-as-a-brick/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/thick-as-a-brick/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2013 21:46:21 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3237

[UPDATE 1/31/13] Horribly sad, long story short: The Blind Ferret Server got SUPER hacked and all their sites went down, including my store. Most are still down. Every day the store is down I get closer to not having enough money to pay my bills this month. Therefor I have created a temporary PRINT SHOP […]]]>

[UPDATE 1/31/13] Horribly sad, long story short: The Blind Ferret Server got SUPER hacked and all their sites went down, including my store. Most are still down. Every day the store is down I get closer to not having enough money to pay my bills this month. Therefor I have created a temporary PRINT SHOP when you can get my BRAND NEW “TESLA UNCOILED” print as well any many of my most popular large prints.

tesla-uncoiled-print-small

You can also still get all kids of fancy fine shirts from Sharksplode.

I did a two part interview with the United We Geek podcast. You can listen to part 1 right here and part 2 over here. We talk a lot about the origins of the comic, The Experiment, what a “creative community” really is and then I go off on Star Wars for like half an hour. It’s good fun.

More and more super secretive movies are getting spoiled by toy releases. Back when Amazing Spider-Man was double secret hush hush, and none was supposed to know what The Lizard looked like all these pictures of the toys surfaced months in advanced and spoiled the fact that The Lizard looked really stupid. If they only had spoiled that the movie wasn’t very good, I could have saved $18.

The one toy line you can NEVER trust to accurately spoil a movie is Batman. Regardless of the particular sub-franchise, Batman toys always have like 100 different suits that aren’t in the movies. I was not surprised when “Arctic Mission” Batman didn’t show up to battle Bane in The Dark Knight Rises.

COMMENTERS: What was your favorite all time movie tie in toy? I had some weird ones that I was oddly fond of. I had a Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves Kevin Kostner figure with real firing bow and arrow that I loved, and I’m pretty sure I had some Hook action figures too. Bang-a-rang, indeed.

RSS CHANGES!!!

I’ve stopped using Feedburner since Google has abandoned it. The old feedburner feed will continue to work, but you should resubscribe using http://hijinksensue.com/feed/.

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner, this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

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Great Geekspectations https://hijinksensue.com/comic/great-geekspectations/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/great-geekspectations/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:22:45 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3219

“George Hurt You” shirts for men and ladies. I have tens, if not elevens of opinions about J.J. taking over Star Wars. Most of them are cautiously optimistic. I could so very easily write an essay about the pros and cons of this regime change, about J.J. obvious love for sci-fi, story telling and iconic […]]]>

Show Us On The Trilogy Where George Hurt You - funny star wars t-shirt, george lucas shirt, star wars parody

“George Hurt You” shirts for men and ladies.

I have tens, if not elevens of opinions about J.J. taking over Star Wars. Most of them are cautiously optimistic. I could so very easily write an essay about the pros and cons of this regime change, about J.J. obvious love for sci-fi, story telling and iconic geek franchises, his proven (though sometimes shaky) track record, and his NOT being George Lucas (a quality which immediately makes anyone more competent to direct a Star Wars movie that George)… I could fill this page and a dozen more with STRONG INTERNET-STYLE OPINIONS, but I won’t.

As luck would have it, the night the J.J./Star Wars rumor broke I was appearing on a podcast to do an interview about HijiNKS ENSUE. Instead I spent the first hour or so expelling those aforementioned strong opinions. It should be up Thursday. I will post a link [RIGHT HERE] when it’s available.

COMMENTERS: Will J.J. be judged harshly by Star Wars fans or will he get a free pass for simply making a competent, non-embarrassing movie? Should one man be allowed to shape the future of both Stars, Trek and Wars? What if he just combines them? What will we call the conjoined franchise? Star… Stars? Sky Laser Havers? Space Goings On?

Though I go on an OPINION FRENZY in that podcast interview, I will be happy to offer specific opinions to those of you with specific “J.J. Wars” questions.

RSS CHANGES!!!

I’ve stopped using Feedburner since Google has abandoned it. The old feedburner feed will continue to work, but you should resubscribe using http://hijinksensue.com/feed/.

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner, this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

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We All Die Screaming https://hijinksensue.com/comic/we-all-die-screaming/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/we-all-die-screaming/#comments Wed, 23 Jan 2013 18:05:12 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3213

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going. This video RUINED my brain. Check Out Industrial Light and Magic’s Oscar Effects Reel for The Avengers COMMENTERS: Have you ever been completely fooled by subtle CG or other movie FX and astonished when you […]]]>

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going.

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

This video RUINED my brain.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever been completely fooled by subtle CG or other movie FX and astonished when you found out the trickery? The lies? The deceit?

If you used to get HE in your email inbox through Feedburner (a service I stopped using this year because Google stopped supporting it), this service seems to offer the same functionality for free.

Just plugin the HE RSS feed [http://hijinksensue.com/feed/] and your email address.

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White Light, White Heat, White Guilt https://hijinksensue.com/comic/white-light-white-heat-white-guilt/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/white-light-white-heat-white-guilt/#comments Wed, 16 Jan 2013 10:18:05 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3202

UPDATE: Get a print of panel 3 of this comic HERE!!! CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: All 100 “Bridge Collapse prints are sold! Woohoo! They arrive at my house this weekend (a week later than I anticipated) and will start shipping Monday the 20th. I made a new eBook/iBook! It’s called “Sorry I Ruined Your Book Vol. […]]]>

UPDATE: Get a print of panel 3 of this comic HERE!!!

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: All 100 “Bridge Collapse prints are sold! Woohoo! They arrive at my house this weekend (a week later than I anticipated) and will start shipping Monday the 20th.

I made a new eBook/iBook! It’s called “Sorry I Ruined Your Book Vol. 1” and it has over 180 pages of HE book 1 preorder/artist edition sketches with commentary on every drawing! Donation subscribers get it free and it’s also available to anyone for a one time “pay what you like” donation.

I had a reader tell me via twitter he was unaware that I had a store where I sold T-shirts and books and such. WELL I CERTAINLY DO.

I absolutely loved Django Unchained. Call it a base, animal reaction, but I really do enjoy seeing histories most egregious hatefucks getting served violent and almost comically gory revenge. I’m not super gung ho on cinematic violence, but how can you argue with Jews carving up Nazi’s or freed slaves cutting a swath of recently face-exploded slave masters across the South? (I guess you could argue plenty if that’s just not your bag, but it certainly hits the spot for me).

Django Unchained is a Tarantino film if there ever was one (Spoilers: There was. There was a few, actually… WERE a few. A couple of them were good.). It’s backdrop is a terrifyingly hateful period in American history and deals with some of the most unpleasant subject matter humanity has to offer, yet wraps all of that in pleasingly witty word choices, top notch performances by all and an L.O.L. (laughables outed loudly) level of cartoonish violence. Jaimie Foxx was surprisingly effective as, Django, the slave turned bounty hunter. I say “surprisingly” because, for the first few minutes he’s on screen you wonder if this movie is somehow below the Ray Oscar winner’s station. It isn’t. The movie and the actor simultaneously rise to the occasion once it gets going, and they continue to compliment each other for the duration.

That said, Foxx is not the star of the movie. Christolph Waltz, just as he did in Inglourious Basterds, STEALS the show. I was wondering if I would be able to see him as the hero, Waltz having so permanently cemented himself as the villain in his previous Taratino collaboration. If you loved to hate him as the monster of the Third Reich, you’ll love him even more as the German dentist who assassinates bad guys and sells their corpses to the government for profit. German Fancy Bastards who has seen the film will have to tell me if Waltz was doing a certain regional German dialect that I am unfamiliar with or just annunciating like a funny little German elf might. Either way, it was delightful. I could listen to that man oddly pronounce words all day.

DiCaprio did a fine job, but I felt his was the part that could have been played by nearly anyone and the movie wouldn’t have suffered. There’s just something about him that I never quite buy into, especially when he’s doing a crazy accent (which is nearly ALWAYS). Couple this with the fact that he was CONSTANTLY upstaged by Samuel L. Jackson’s doting Uncle Tom-esque house servant character and you have a performance that neither detracted or particularly added to the overall film.

Overall it was a very satisfying movie. It’s an action film, a revenge drama, a bit of a heist-flick or con job, a love story, a comedy… it covers all these genres, yet never feels unfocused. I will say that if you are squeamish about hearing the n-word oh… I don’t know… A THOUSAND TIMES, then this isn’t the movie for you. I know Tarantino has taken some flack for trying to make a movie about racism and slavery without somehow sidestepping all the racism and slavery. I’m not sure how he was supposed to do that, but I do not feel the end product was exploitive to anything other than the concept of a Spaghetti Western. Each of his films is a love letter to a certain genre of cinema. Some hit home better than others, but Django is the first “Best Picture” caliber movie he’s directed.

On a side note, every time I hear “Django Unchained” I think about Picard and that Tamarian captain in “Darmok.” Oh, and Thomas Edison is just a slimy ratcock of a villain. Fuck that guy. Seriously.

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For Every Action There Is A Redaction https://hijinksensue.com/comic/for-every-action-there-is-a-redaction/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/for-every-action-there-is-a-redaction/#comments Tue, 15 Jan 2013 10:59:14 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3199

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: 98/100 prints are sold!  Only 2 prints remain! I am expecting delivery of the prints any day now and they’ll start shipping as soon as they arrive. I made a new eBook/iBook! It’s called “Sorry I Ruined Your Book Vol. 1” and it has over 180 pages of HE book 1 preorder/artist edition sketches with […]]]>

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: 98/100 prints are sold!  Only 2 prints remain! I am expecting delivery of the prints any day now and they’ll start shipping as soon as they arrive.

I made a new eBook/iBook! It’s called “Sorry I Ruined Your Book Vol. 1” and it has over 180 pages of HE book 1 preorder/artist edition sketches with commentary on every drawing! Donation subscribers get it free and it’s also available to anyone for a one time “pay what you like” donation.

hijinks-ensue-sorry-i-ruined-your-book-vol-1-cover

Welcome to my life in a 24 hour geek news cycle. I remember when I was a kid and we weren’t able to know ANYTHING about movies or tv shows until we saw the trailers or commercials. Even then the message was very carefully controlled by the studios and producers. The stars never went on Carson and dished on who they beat out for the role or how many times the show runner got fired. We just took our geek media as it was presented without the burden of behind the scenes knowledge. Often times, shows I liked would get cancelled and I wouldn’t even know until it just never came back the next season. You’d read a one sentence blurb about a new Batman or Superman movie in a Wizard Magazine, and then… nothing. No idea where it went or why it never materialized. Of course, the irony of it all is that NOW you can find the answers to all of those questions online. I know exactly why Nicholas Cage was never Tim Burton’s Man Of Steel. Honestly, I’m just grateful for that one. We, as geeks, dodged a Batman & Robin ’97 sized bullet there.

I say the intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the media I choose to consume is a burden, but I really do enjoy it. I like the anticipation that it builds, and the satisfaction of being “in the know.” The burden part comes in when too much familiarity with the “sausage-making” process of geek pop culture can lead to unrealistic expectations and eventual disappointment, either from getting your hopes up too high based on 100’s of blog posts, interviews and YouTube clips, or from prejudging a project based on any of the aforementioned data distribution methods.

All in all the lowering of the barrier to information is overwhelmingly a good thing. As consumers we now have nearly as much privilege to information as would have been reserved for the people that actually worked on the projects themselves. But there was a (now lost) purity and innocence in finding out about a movie for the first time when you saw the trailer or the poster, and then not knowing anything else about it until you were in the theater 3 months later. I think it was easier to just like things back then without having to be an expert on them.

COMMENTERS: What’s you biggest “OMG IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO COOL IF THAT PERSON HAD DONE THAT THING OR THAT THING HAD EVEN HAPPENED AT ALL” geek movie/tv situation disappointment?

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Om Nom Noms https://hijinksensue.com/comic/om-nom-noms/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/om-nom-noms/#comments Fri, 11 Jan 2013 14:15:07 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3186

Geeky t-shirts by me and Wil Wheaton at Sharksplode.com! Woohoo!  Don’t miss the new HijiNKS comic I uploaded yesterday all about J.J. Abrams, Star Trek and SEEEEECRAAAAATS. I have almost seen Lincoln twice. Both times I have realized that it was nearly three hours long and opted to either see something else or stay home […]]]>

Geeky t-shirts by me and Wil Wheaton at Sharksplode.com! Woohoo! 

Don’t miss the new HijiNKS comic I uploaded yesterday all about J.J. Abrams, Star Trek and SEEEEECRAAAAATS.

I have almost seen Lincoln twice. Both times I have realized that it was nearly three hours long and opted to either see something else or stay home and get something from Redbox. I just don’t like being in the theater that long unless I’m nearly guaranteed to love the movie. Daniel Day Lewis is my favorite actor, but that isn’t saying much. Admitting that the person who is the best at a thing in all the world is your favorite person who does that particular thing doesn’t take that much conviction or depth of character. That’s like saying Batman is my favorite vigilante crime fighter or Louis C.K. is my favorite stand up.

I did, however, see The Master. I have never seen another movie with two such fantastically talented actors delivering two such compelling and nuanced performances that I hated quite so much as I hated The Master. The biggest problem with The Master is I got it. I absolutely understand what the movie was trying to accomplish and how I was supposed to feel while watching it. I know what the intended take away was, what the director was trying to say about the human condition, the way we relate to others, the way we cling to each other while simultaneously driving each other away, loneliness  compulsion, dishonesty with one’s self vs. dishonesty with others, the power of the dynamic orator over the weak minded, I TOTALLY GOT ALL OF IT. I just so happened to have abhorred the experience of actually watching it. It’s like a really expensive bad meal at the finest restaurant in town. You know what you’re eating is classy and sophisticated and a lot of thought and effort was put into it, and even though you can detect the subtle complexities of the interplay between the flavors it just tastes like a a shoe full of shit.

The Master’s biggest problem is the story of Hoffman’s L. Ron Hubbardesque author and his burgeoning cult is quite fascinating. So, obviously, the movie basically ignores all of that and uses it as a backdrop to tell the story… no there’s no actual story… to SHOW YOU SOME STUFF FOR A BIT about Phoenix’s listless, alcoholic, sex crazed dimwitted, violent drifter. Even by my description, he sounds pretty fascinating. Trust me. He isn’t. There are no less than three scenes in the film where Hoffman’s character uses Scientol… THE CAUSE to infuriate Phoenix into a state of highly suggestible mental pliability from which he can be brainwashed. Since these scenes (one where Phoenix is forced to walk from one end of a room to the other with his eyes closed at least 40 times) take up roughly 30 minutes of the nearly three hour movie. It is excruciating. Just watching a man get more and more frustrated with his antagonist in real time is not my idea of an enjoyable time at the movies or a good way to spend $18. But they both totally deserve an Oscar. No question. Great performances. Terrible movie.

COMMENTERS: Do you have any Oscar predictions?  Have YOU ever seen a film where an actor’s performance was enthralling, captivating and through provoking, but you still hated the movie?

New desktop wallpaper for donors and subscribers! 

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Life With J.J. https://hijinksensue.com/comic/life-with-j-j/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/life-with-j-j/#comments Wed, 09 Jan 2013 23:31:19 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3183

Geeky t-shirts by me and Wil Wheaton at Sharksplode.com! Woohoo!  I want to preface this by saying I think J.J. Abrams has done more for elevating geek pop culture in the last decade than anyone in Hollywood, save for Joss Whedon. Thaaaaaat saaaaaaid… he has a bit of a tendency to shroud his projects in […]]]>

Geeky t-shirts by me and Wil Wheaton at Sharksplode.com! Woohoo! 

I want to preface this by saying I think J.J. Abrams has done more for elevating geek pop culture in the last decade than anyone in Hollywood, save for Joss Whedon. Thaaaaaat saaaaaaid… he has a bit of a tendency to shroud his projects in so much mystery that over enthusiastic geeks (his core audience) begin to obsess over every nuance and minute detail of whatever information he presents them with (in the forms of teasers, trailers, quotes, etc.). To make things MUCH worse, he KNOWS we do this so he pokes the bear at every turn. That shot of Spock “dying” in the Intro Darkness Japanese trailer was JUST TO FUCK WITH US. And who knows? He might be doing a “double secret fuck you” and having Spock actually die in the movie.

The shroud of mystery surrounding Cumberbatch’s villain character is even more ridiculous. They LOVE that we think he’s Kahn despite their insistance that he isn’t. Then they love that we think he’s Gary Mitchell. Then they release his character name and no one’s ever heard of it. But that could be a red herring too! They know we’re going to be frustratedly guessing until the film debuts, which CAN be part of the fun, but to this degree (as with nearly ALL Bad Robot productions past) the level of mystery and guessing and red herrings and clues and misdirections raise our expectations to such an unprecedented level that NOTHING they present us with as a final product can live up to those expectations. That said, Star Trek (2009) is a not only a perfect Star Trek movie, it is a perfect movie. And with that knowledge stowed away in my brain spaces, I am allowing myself (this time) to have essentially no expectations about Star Trek: Into Darkness other than an anticipation of big big fun.

COMMENTERS: Do you think the secrecy surrounding certain geek movies is getting out of hand? Are we more prone to fanboy disappointment when the layers upon layers of mystery don’t unravel in a way that meets our expectations? When did geek movie/tv pay off or frustrate you the most?

New desktop wallpaper for donors and subscribers! 

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Getting Things Done https://hijinksensue.com/comic/getting-things-done/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/getting-things-done/#comments Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:49:45 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3175

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: 96/100 prints are sold which certainly means the print drive was a total success! It would be great to sell that last few  remaining prints before the the cruise, but at this point I am all booked for the boat and will be shoving off in a month. Thank you to everyone that participated […]]]>

CRUISE FUNDRAISER UPDATE: 96/100 prints are sold which certainly means the print drive was a total success! It would be great to sell that last few  remaining prints before the the cruise, but at this point I am all booked for the boat and will be shoving off in a month. Thank you to everyone that participated in the fundraiser. Prints are being ordered now and will hopefully start shipping by mid to late January.

Hey, go see the shirts me and Wil made at Sharksplode. 

Let’s start the year off REALLY weird, why not? I was thinking about how the Space Jam movie website had been unearthed, totally preserved a while back and wondered if there might be enthusiastic groups of Internet dudes that have bitter rivalries over 90’s sports figure movie vehicle fandoms. Sounds too crazy? Did you see the part where I said, “Internet dudes?” I thought not. I’ve also been thinking about how I’ve been adding quite literally dozens of seemingly fascinating documentaries to my Netflix streaming queue with not so much as an iota of intent to ever actually watch them. Seriously, it’s at least a week’s worth of non stop potential infortainmention. I keep adding them because I feel like Netflix is judging me. Every time my daughter watches Disney Faerie Adventures or whatever, I know that it’s counting against MY RECOMMENDATIONS. What kind of personality profile is Netflix building for me? As far as the robot in my TV knows, I 5-starred Se7en, The Usual Suspects and Angelina Ballerina?! That’s evidence that will hold up in court should anyone on my street ever go missing and turn up in various boxes.

[Holy crap, I found a 1996 review of Kazaam from a local Tuscon paper.]

COMMENTERS: Two Questions! What’s your favorite 90’s movie to hate? Don’t you dare say Drop Dead Fred. That cinematic masterwork belongs in the National Film Registry. OR! Have you ever liked, faved, pinned or otherwise told the Internet you were into something you weren’t THAT into in order to appear cooler, smarter, etc? It’s confession time. Unburden your digital delusions. Or is it more analog? Do you have certain books on your shelf that you want people to see? Shame on you.

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Giant Robits Vs. Water Kongs https://hijinksensue.com/comic/giant-robits-vs-water-kongs/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/giant-robits-vs-water-kongs/#comments Tue, 18 Dec 2012 23:18:24 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3160

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 88/100 prints are sold and it would be great to sell that last few remaining prints before the end of the year. I am also going to leave up the additional prints and print packs for sale until probably February in case you want to get in on that action. That trailer… I mean, holy […]]]>

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 88/100 prints are sold and it would be great to sell that last few remaining prints before the end of the year. I am also going to leave up the additional prints and print packs for sale until probably February in case you want to get in on that action.

That trailer… I mean, holy crap. Give a guy a chance to catch his breath. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect Pacific Rim to win any awards for compelling dialog or character development, but HOLY CRAP THAT TRAILER WHAT?!

COMMENTERS: Pacific Rim: Best movie or Bestest Movie? How could they fuck this up? I mean, seriously, anything is possible… so how are they going to fuck this up? Not enough giant robots? Too many fantastical extradimensional sea demons? Giant robot/sea demon love story subplot? It would still be better than Prometheus.

If you want to support HijiNKS ENSUE’s ability to have a merry Santaween and you don’t feel like donating or buying any merch… HELL, why not just check out my Amazon Wishlist? Who’s going to stop you? Not me.

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You’ve Got Me On My Knees https://hijinksensue.com/comic/youve-got-me-on-my-knees/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/youve-got-me-on-my-knees/#comments Tue, 11 Dec 2012 07:12:32 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3146

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 77/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (4 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process! DEC 12th at 12noon Pacific IS YOUR LAST CHANCE to order anything from Sharksplode before Santaween! […]]]>

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 77/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (4 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!

DEC 12th at 12noon Pacific IS YOUR LAST CHANCE to order anything from Sharksplode before Santaween!
 ME AND WIL MADE YOU A NEW SHIRT and WE ALSO MADE HOODIES! 

COMMENTERS: Let’s assume “Harrison” is a red herring. What other movie trailer red herring’s did you fall for? Or did you see through them while the rest of the Internet lost it’s collective mind?

Hey hey! You can listen to an interview I did on the Clinically Inane podcast.

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Into Dorkness https://hijinksensue.com/comic/into-dorkness/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/into-dorkness/#comments Fri, 07 Dec 2012 13:21:29 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3122

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND! CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 66/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (8 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process! ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT […]]]>

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND!

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 66/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (8 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!

HijiNKS ENSUE JCCC3 Cruise Fundraiser print

ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT!
UPDATE!!! WE ALSO MADE HOODIES! 

We now live in a world that has a Star Trek: Into Darkness trailer and Benedict Cumberbatch just oozes cheekboney sex all over it. There’s a lot of speculation that he’s playing Khan. He is not. He is playing Gary Mitchell, or a at least a character based on Gary Mitchell. It wouldn’t bother me if they changed the name. The wrath of Gary is not a wrath I could see myself particularly fearing.

J.J. Abrams first Star Trek is a perfect movie. That’s just a fact. A SPACE fact, which is the realest kind of fact. Even the parts that don’t make sense make me exceedingly happy. I was never a doubter as to the potential quality of the sequel. The little 1 min snippet has gotten me ever more not… being… a doubter. I have a giant Trekboner is what I’m saying, and this trailer did nothing to diminish it.

My friend Sam is the one that originally suggested to me that Tumblr, which it’s excess infestation of Cumberkin (people that were born into a human body, but know at heart they were supposed to be born clinging to Benedict Cumberbatch’s torso like a baby marsupial) might have had a hand in the crafting of the trailer. It basically leaves out most of the actual Star Trek in favor of the Sherlock star’s soothing yet wicked voice over and asskicking leapery (or leaping asskickery). I can’t say that he’s wrong, in that this movie appears to have been crafted by and specifically for nerds. SPOILERS: It was. I love it when Hollywood panders to us and gets it totally right.

COMMENTERS: Are you as excited as me for STiD? Check your Trekboner. Hmmm… that’s PRETTY excited, but I might still have you beat. If you want a little extra POTENTIALLY SPOILERY GOODTIMES, you can watch the Japanese version of the trailer.

Don’t forget to check the thumbnail to the right of the main HE comics to see if there’s a new LoFi. I’m updating them more often now.

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Once More Unto The Reach https://hijinksensue.com/comic/once-more-unto-the-reach/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/once-more-unto-the-reach/#comments Thu, 06 Dec 2012 10:30:56 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3119

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 60/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (9 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process! ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT! UPDATE!!! WE […]]]>

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 60/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (9 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!

HijiNKS ENSUE JCCC3 Cruise Fundraiser print

ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT!
UPDATE!!! WE ALSO MADE HOODIES! 

Here’s a follow up to my previous Jack Reacher comic. 

COMMENTERS: Apparently fans of the Jack Reacher books are upset that once of Reacher’s main traits is his imposing stature and physical presence. This is clearly a trait Tom Cruise doesn’t posses. Is there another actor that you feel was cast against the type of the (already established) character they played? Were you happy with the results?

Don’t forget to check the thumbnail to the right of the main HE comics to see if there’s a new LoFi. I’m updating them more often now.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND!

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Man Handler https://hijinksensue.com/comic/man-handler/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/man-handler/#comments Tue, 04 Dec 2012 10:15:40 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3114

ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT! CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 50/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th to meet my goal of selling all 100. If you’ve got $35 bucks to spare and wouldn’t mind a couple of nice pieces of artwork for your home, maybe […]]]>

ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT!

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: About 50/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th to meet my goal of selling all 100. If you’ve got $35 bucks to spare and wouldn’t mind a couple of nice pieces of artwork for your home, maybe help me out why not?

HOLIDAY SHIPPING: The cutoffs are coming up fast. Read more HERE.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND!

MORE INFO HERE. The guest list is stellar and it’s always a great deal of fun. Plus it’s free. C’mon! How can you argue with free fun surrounded by awkward webcomics creators?!

Sometimes I think Tom Cruise’s reality distortion field (the one that makes him think he can will himself to be tall and that no one knows he’s 5′ 5″, and allowed him to summon the strength and suppress his gag reflex long enough to impregnate a human female with his space seed) extends to his ability to understand humor and irony. When someone pitches Tom Cruise Jack Reacher, the field must prevent any and all alarms from going off inside his head.

Despite my general lack of interest in Jack Reacher, I almost want to see it just to see whether Werner Herzog pulls off his role as the big bad, or just comes off as his regular old creepy, German, hateful madman self. I hope he stopped in the middle of every scene and gave a speech about how nature is trying to destroy us, and that he did it so often that they had no choice to leave three of the speeches in the movie.

COMMENTERS: TPlease make up your own alternate “Jack Reacher” names. I think the guys from MST3K already have a jump on you with regards to this challenge. Do you plan to see Mr. Reacher’s pants-creature feature?

 

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Bridge Collapse https://hijinksensue.com/comic/bridge-collapse/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/bridge-collapse/#comments Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:22:58 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3088

UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale!   Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE. Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday Cards, DISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH. Same goes for […]]]>

UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale! 

 Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE.

Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday Cards, DISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH.

Same goes for Sharksplode Doctor Who Shirts, Wil Wheaton Themed Shirts, this one, that one and ALL OF THE SHIRTS ENTIRELY.

Guys, it is JoCo Cruise Crazy fundraiser time again. If these words are foreign to you, please read this post from last years JCCC fundraiser to get an idea of what this special event is, and what it means to my wife and I. We work hard and we struggle to maintain this “do what you love for a living” lifestyle, and despite all of its perks it really doesn’t leave any extra money for things like fantastically geeky vacations. That’s where you, The Fancy Bastards, come in. Just like last year I am going to be offering 100 signed and numbered limited prints of the image above (a fully inked and colored version, that is) in order to raise money for the flights, hotel, cruise, food, etc.

For $35 (plus shipping) you will get the 11X17″ “Bridge Collapse” print, plus one more 11×17″ print of your choice (“Where’s Carl?” “Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey,” or “Rival Smugglers”). For $55 (plus shipping) you will get all 4 prints.

I will also be offering extra signed Print Packs (four 8.5×11″ prints on the same theme) for $25 each (+s/h). The packs will be “Doctor Who 1,” “Doctor Who 2,” “Joss Whedon,” “Battlestar Galactica,” and “Wil Wheaton.” You will be able to buy these even if you don’t buy the limited print.

I will ALSO be offering a few stand alone 11×17″ signed prints like “You’re The Last Of the Timelords, Charlie Brown,” “Winter Is Coming” “Grammar Dalek” and “I’m A Snowflake On The Wind” for $15 each (+s/h) or all four for $45 (+s/h).

The last JoCo Cruise was one of the all time highlights of my life (as you can see). I would love to be able to take my wife on it at least one more time and give you some extremely Fancy artwork in the process. The prints will go on sale at (or around) midnight central tonight. (UPDATE: They are up for sale now!) I will update this page with a purchase link. Thanks!

COMMENTERS: Assemble your perfect starship bridge crew chosing from all characters in the whole of Sci-Fi. Who gets which job and why?

ANOTHER THING: Me, Rob and Wil did something very silly last night.

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Drenched In Dench https://hijinksensue.com/comic/drenched-in-dench/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/drenched-in-dench/#comments Fri, 23 Nov 2012 10:25:15 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=3083

Check out my guide to HijiNKS Holiday Shopping and Shipping Deadlines (SPOILERS: Order stuff NOW if you want it by the 24th). “Dench” is to the Skyfalliverse as “Smurf” is to the Smurfiverse.  I watched Die Another Day for the first time a couple of nights ago. I don’t really consider Pierce Brosnon to be […]]]>

Check out my guide to HijiNKS Holiday Shopping and Shipping Deadlines (SPOILERS: Order stuff NOW if you want it by the 24th).

“Dench” is to the Skyfalliverse as “Smurf” is to the Smurfiverse. 

I watched Die Another Day for the first time a couple of nights ago. I don’t really consider Pierce Brosnon to be canonical Bond. He seems more like a Hot Shots-style Bond parody minus all the comedy. Speaking of “comedy,” Die Another Day is just CHOCK FULL of dick jokes. Like really terrible dick jokes too. Bond seems to punctuate nearly every thought with a reference to his “tip” or his “weapon” or his “raging erect shaft, I mean as to say the turgid column that is my male member, commonly referred to as THE DONGER.” That last one lacked a certainly Bond-esque subtlety. Anyway, that movie was terrible.

COMMENTERS: Are we all in agreement that P.B. 90’s Bond is silly playtime fake Bond? Is there a worse Bond (who held the mantle for more than one film)?

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Bardemic: Sherlock And Terror https://hijinksensue.com/comic/bardemic-sherlock-and-terror/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/bardemic-sherlock-and-terror/#comments Wed, 21 Nov 2012 22:55:42 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3072

NEW Doctor Who/Dr. Seuss Shirt at Sharksplode! DO YOU WANT A PRINT INSTEAD?  UPDATE: Enjoy a Skyfall themed LoFi comic!  Like all who uncover a conspiracy, I am shocked that more people (as in ALL PEOPLE) aren’t obsessing over it already. I seem to be the only person alive who noticed that Silva, played by […]]]>

NEW Doctor Who/Dr. Seuss Shirt at Sharksplode!
DO YOU WANT A PRINT INSTEAD? 

Doctor Who Dr. Seuss T-Shirt, Rory Centurion, Shirt Pandorica, Horton Hears a Who, Horton Hatches The Egg, Rory Hears A Who And Hatches The Cube, Rory Pond, Rory Williams,

UPDATE: Enjoy a Skyfall themed LoFi comic! 

Like all who uncover a conspiracy, I am shocked that more people (as in ALL PEOPLE) aren’t obsessing over it already. I seem to be the only person alive who noticed that Silva, played by Havier Bardem, in Skyfall is just a redressing of Moriarty from the BBC’s Sherlock. It’s not even subtle.

!!!SKYFALL SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

DAMNING SIMILARITIES: Both are consulting criminal masterminds that offer their services to the highest bidder. Both go on and on about how crimes are all committed digitally these days and master hackers are more powerful than armed thugs. Both compare themselves to their enemy as an “equal but opposite.” Both offer to join up with their nemesis to rule the crime world. Both at least pretend to be gay or bisexual (it is unclear whether either character actually is). Both have a silly way of talking. This is probably just Bardem’s accent, but they definitely both have odd inflections and word emphasis.

THE MOST DAMNING SIMILARITY: Silva’s entire capture and and escape from MI6 plays out EXACTLY like Moriarty’s capture and escape from “The Reichenbach Fall” episode from Sherlock series 2. In each the heroes realize just as things start to go wrong (doors open/bank vaults open) that the capture was orchestrated by the villain. Both villains are housed in glass cells in the center of a room. Both villains just sit there all nonchalant waiting for their plans to take effect. Silva might as well have written “Get Bond” on his cell.

None of these points makes Skyfall a necessarily bad movie, but if you’re a Sherlock fan they will certainly take you out of the moment.

Skyfall was actually quite entertaining, but it certainly wasn’t without its shortcomings. First of all, it’s at least 20 minutes too long. There were so many opportunities to trim the fat, but I have to wonder if they left the pacing slow and even at time dull in order to maintain some sort of British cinema sensibility. A few nitpicks: there’s just too much Dench. There’s a decidedly decent dose of Dench and it detracts from the d… movie. Bardem is quite captivating on screen but he doesn’t show up until about halfway through the movie. When it’s over, if you really think about what Silva had built, what his motivation for killing M was and what he eventually lost, it’s pretty much impossible to understand his motivation for going through with it all in the way that he did.

After that list, I’m wondering what I actually liked about Skyfall. I guess I could say when it was moving, when Bond was BEING Bond, it was great. The whole thing at the end where we “catch up” to 1960’s Bond canon (Moneypenny, a male M, the Aston Martin, The Scottish roots, etc) seemed a bit odd at first but really I ended up finding that whole through line charming in a VERY James Bondish way. You’re supposed to take away that these first three Daniel Craig Bond movies are an alternate universe prequel of sorts, where we see Bond becoming the Bond that we met with Sean Connery. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to effect the next sequels, but I take it more of a nudge and wink than a strict re-un-de-also-reboot.

So where does Skyfall fall in the rankings? Certainly better than Quantum of Solace, but not as good as Casino Royale. And the Sherlock stuff goes way past an homage and into straight up plot left.

COMMENTERS: I KNOW I AM NOT CRAZY! ALL THAT SHERLOCK STUFF IS REAL! PLEASE TELL ME YOU SAW IT TOO! TELL ME I’M A GOOD BOY! TELLLLL MEEEEEE!!!!

Also, what did you think of Skyfall? SPOILERS ARE OK in this thread since my entire review was spoilery.
READ COMMENTS AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

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Punkin Chunkin https://hijinksensue.com/comic/punkin-chunkin/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/punkin-chunkin/#comments Tue, 06 Nov 2012 11:45:09 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3054

Poor little guy. He must be collicky. Newborns can be such a handful. Especially when they refuse to prove they were born in this country. Just produce the ancient South American stone tablets that foretell your coming and we’ll consider the issue closed. Otherwise I’m calling immigration and you can cluck and hiss your story […]]]>

Poor little guy. He must be collicky. Newborns can be such a handful. Especially when they refuse to prove they were born in this country. Just produce the ancient South American stone tablets that foretell your coming and we’ll consider the issue closed. Otherwise I’m calling immigration and you can cluck and hiss your story to them. I feel like I should point out that my intention was not to imply that Juan Q. ate a bunch of people and then threw them up all over Joel. It’s more like his beak is a portal to a dimension that consists of nothing but blood and bones and through a gastrointestinal mishap he managed to lower the veil between worlds for a second. Come December 22nd, we’re probably all going to wish we lived in that bone blood dimension. I don’t expect Juan Q. is going to show us much in the mercy depart. Cute little bugger that he is.

Eli seems to be embracing the Mayan 2012 Apocalypse now that he has a dog in the race. Either that or he’s starting to swell with pride for his brownish heritage. Either way I think Juan Quetzalcoatl Zach will be sticking around, even if that particular name does now. I almost went with Roland. I hope you enjoyed this storyline (perhaps more than the last one). Now let me gather my thoughts on this whole Disney/Lucasfilm thing so I can make a comic about it. I bet it ends the same way as this one did. Just buckets and buckets of thrown up blood and bones.

Check out this Interview I did with The 4th Wall. It contains basically everything I know about making comics for a living. I have no other knowledge to impart.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Come to THIS in December or your regrets will never cease.

 

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The Blessed Arrival https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-blessed-arrival/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-blessed-arrival/#comments Thu, 01 Nov 2012 00:39:01 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3052

La resurrección del lagarto pollo! Finally, a new comic. My actual human life has been getting in the way of my comic-productivity for the last week. I have solved this problem by cutting off all contact with the outside world for at least the next two months. If you need me, I’ll be chained to […]]]>

La resurrección del lagarto pollo!

Finally, a new comic. My actual human life has been getting in the way of my comic-productivity for the last week. I have solved this problem by cutting off all contact with the outside world for at least the next two months. If you need me, I’ll be chained to my computer with a stylus driven through each of my hands like so much webcomicy stigmata.

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Come to THIS in December or WE’RE THROUGH!

THINGS OF TUMBLD INTEREST: 

COMMENTERS: So it seems Eli is now the steward of the great bird-headed serpent god of Mesoamerica that will (or has) return to Earth and usher in the world ending 2012 situation. Fun times. Which horrific beast of world (or at least city) destruction would you most like as a pet? Which would you rather actually destroy us all? My vote for both scenarios goes to whatever sort of Norse frost giant is going to really fuck shit up come Ragnarok.

 

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The Island Of Dr. Moron https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-island-of-dr-moron/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-island-of-dr-moron/#comments Fri, 19 Oct 2012 13:23:53 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3030

CLICK ON SOME WORDS! Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 91 “Baltimore Bart’s Bed And Breakfast”  I made you a LoFi Comic about Mad Men!  I made you a regular comic yesterday about superheroes and a dead guy Dallas Fan Days Starts TODAY and runs through this weekend (October 19-21). I am going to be there in the […]]]>

CLICK ON SOME WORDS!

[Sorry for the lack of color in the comic. I have to be at a convention in a few hours and I very much need to be asleep for exactly all few of those aforementioned hours.]

FINALLY! Science debunks at least SOMETHING about the flawless science in Jurassic Park. I knew there had to be a hole in that airtight “we injected dinorsaur blood into frogs or whatever OH SHIT RAPTORS FOREVER WE’RE ALL DEAD!” plot. Despite these new findings, I am pretty certain the movie got one thing exactly right. A Triceratops (which may or may not have actually been a real thing) takes a HUGE shit.

If you are waiting on a sketch from the Fancy Sketch Drive, I am working on them all weekend while at the con and will be shipping out a whole heeping ton of them next week. Sorry for the delay. 100+ commissioned drawings was an ambitious undertaking.

If you are waiting on a Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie, I have received word that they are on schedule to begin shipping in November. More info as I know…fo.

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Yippee Ki-Yay Younger Looper https://hijinksensue.com/comic/yippee-ki-yay-younger-looper/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/yippee-ki-yay-younger-looper/#comments Wed, 03 Oct 2012 19:05:59 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=3003

Guys, I make a lot of books and t-shirts and plushies and what not and you are totally welcome to go procure some or all of that stuff for yourself or your loved ones. You can also get a a high quality print of any comic in regular or giant sized sizes. Looper was… [ehem] […]]]>

Guys, I make a lot of books and t-shirts and plushies and what not and you are totally welcome to go procure some or all of that stuff for yourself or your loved ones. You can also get a a high quality print of any comic in regular or giant sized sizes.

Looper was… [ehem] SUPER DOOPER! Sorry, I had to. Thanks for being a trooper. Pooper scooper, Sterling Cooper.

Seriously though, Looper was exactly what I want from a stand alone sci-fi movie. It brings you into it’s world, quickly establishes why it’s different, how it’s futuristic, etc. then it tells a human story with the gimmick (in this case, time travel and a bit more) as the back drop. The futuristic aspects of the story are small elements of the narrative and while they make it possible, they do not overtake or even lead the story as it progresses. In Looper the characters (FANTASTIC performances by Joseph Gordon Levitt, Emily Blunt and a stunning/terrifying young boy) and their choices are the focus. So many one-shot sci-fi films get this formula backwards. It’s like someone writes a cool idea on a napkin (100 years in the future, money is all gone and people use hip hop dancing as currency), then scrambles to write another 119 pages just to make that idea take 2 hours to play out on screen.

My favorite part about Looper is that it was filled with actual “nearly didn’t see that coming” surprises. This was due mainly to the fact that the first round of trailers fooled you into thinking they were serving up the entire plot (young Bruce Willis has to kill old Bruce Willis from the future) on a silver platter, when in fact that only covers about the first half of the movie. The main story is much smaller, much more character-centric, and has nearly nothing to do with time travel. The current trailers are showing more of the 2nd half plot, but nothing that actually clues you in as to what’s going on.

As far as original sci-fi stories go, I have absolutely nothing but praise for this film. SURE, if you question the time travel premise even a little bit, the whole thing falls apart, BUT that’s why we have the old saying, “You can’t spell TIME TRAVEL BULLSHIT without BULLSHIT.” Leave it alone. Let it be. Enjoy the movie. It’s great.

Side note: The makeup effects better win somebody an Oscar. You don’t really get the full impact of JGL’s transformation into young Bruce until the two are face to face on screen for the first time. It’s rather shocking.

ADDITIONAL Side note: If you HAVE seen Looper, go read this interview with the writer where he explains many of the loose ends that might have nagged at your geek-brain.

UPDATE: 

COMMENTERS: What did you think of Looper? Also, what is your favorite/least favorite stand alone (non franchise, series, tv spin off, etc) cinematic sci-fi situation?

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Red Octoberfest https://hijinksensue.com/comic/red-octoberfest/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/red-octoberfest/#comments Fri, 28 Sep 2012 04:37:38 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2999

A bunch of my T-Shirts are only $12 in the store right now. Check it out!  New episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! Episode 89 – John Quincy Adams: Mummy Strangler Based on last week’s episode, Revolution is 0 for 2. This had me feeling like the fall TV season was off to bad start. […]]]>

A bunch of my T-Shirts are only $12 in the store right now. Check it out! 

New episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! Episode 89 – John Quincy Adams: Mummy Strangler

Based on last week’s episode, Revolution is 0 for 2. This had me feeling like the fall TV season was off to bad start. Then I watched the pilot for Last Resort and my excitement was decidedly renewed. Almost instantly I was caught up in the premise (a nuclear sub disobeys questionable orders and seeks haven from it’s own government in the harbor of a tropical island that appears to be run by a pirate/drug lord/pimp). I was nervous, tense, excited, guessing and theorizing throughout the entire episode. These are all good signs. It’s so much more rewarding to be mentally screaming at the screen “NO NO NO! DON’T DO TH… OH CRAP HE DID IT! THAT SONOVABITCH!” than, “I’m SUPPOSED to like this kind of show, right? I mean, it’s sort of sci-fi. I bet it gets better.”

The laws of attraction apply to TV as well as people. Sure, you need to give people (and TV shows) a chance to show you what they’re really all about, but there needs to be an initial spark. Something to cling onto right off the bat that keeps you wanting more. Last Resort definitely has that spark. It’s the first new show I’ve seen in at least 3 years where the casting, the acting, the premise and the writing were ALL the strong suits. It’s also the only one I can recall in recent memory where all those elements were working together and moving in the same direction. All too often you see good casting wasted on week scripts, or good lines wasted on flat deliveries. Last Resort, at least in the pilot, isn’t falling prey to these types of maladies. If it can maintain this momentum, then I am going to be in for the whole season. Conversely, Revolution gets 2, maybe 3 more eps from me before I give up.

Bonus points to Last Resort for casting Dichan Lachman. She’s a scene (and sometimes show) stealer if there ever was one. Unfortunately I don’t think she even had a line in the pilot, but I am hoping they use her well in the future. Scott Speedman from Underworld is the X.O. of the submarine. I’m not certain, but I think he’s still a double werewolf.

COMMENTERS: What did you think of Last Resort? Keep spoilers to an absolute minimum and mark you posts as such: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!!

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Dumb And Number https://hijinksensue.com/comic/dumb-and-number/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/dumb-and-number/#comments Thu, 20 Sep 2012 08:29:02 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?post_type=comic&p=2987

I accidentally watched all of The Number 23 a couple of days ago. I non-accidentally live tweeted it in order to share my confusion and pain with as many human beings as possible. I was made aware of the movie’s horrific curse early on, but still I persevered. SPOILERS: It was truly a massive turd. […]]]>

I accidentally watched all of The Number 23 a couple of days ago. I non-accidentally live tweeted it in order to share my confusion and pain with as many human beings as possible. I was made aware of the movie’s horrific curse early on, but still I persevered. SPOILERS: It was truly a massive turd. It was a turd pie. It was a pie made entirely NOT of delicious pie filling and crust, but of turd.

One Tweeter pointed out my Twitter user # is 12,331,382, and 1+2+3+3+1+3+8+2=23. I refuse to check his facts or his math because that was a perfect bookend to an abismal movie-watching experience.

I’m trying out a new, simplified art style for the LoFi comics in hopes that I can bring them back as a regular feature on HE. The goal for the Lofi’s was always to be a supplemental strip that I could bang out in an hour or so vs. the 4-6 hours it takes to make a regular comic. In the end the only difference in complexity was that they were black and white, which honestly took longer than my normal coloring because I couldn’t use the standard color pallet I was used to.

With the new engine driving the backend of the site (thanks Phil!) I should be able to post LoFi’s whenever I want. Even if it’s on the same day as the regular comic. I’m working on having a permanent URL for the most recent Lofi comic (something like hijinksensue.com/lofi). Lofi’s do not show up in the regular archive. You can see a list of all of them HERE. They’ll show up in the regular RSS feed because the idea of multiple feeds seems dumb to me. It’s all funny pictures with funny words. Shouldn’t matter to the reader if the hard was easy or hard on the artist as long as the material is solid.

I’m also hoping to use the Lofi’s as a way to react to something in the world of Geekdom quickly and timely if I’m in the middle of a mini-storyline. Here’s hoping it all works out the way I want.

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Hide It Under A Bush? OH NO! https://hijinksensue.com/comic/hide-it-under-a-bush-oh-no/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/hide-it-under-a-bush-oh-no/#comments Fri, 17 Aug 2012 11:36:17 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2943

The HE Podcast is back! Episode 84 is live!  Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!   GenCon is right now. Hit up Blind Ferret (booth 119) and you’ll be able to pick up some of my shirts and books. You can also bother Randy. Toronto Fan Expo is very soon!  I’ll be there with […]]]>

The HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST

The HE Podcast is back! Episode 84 is live! 

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!  

GenCon is right now. Hit up Blind Ferret (booth 119) and you’ll be able to pick up some of my shirts and books. You can also bother Randy.

Toronto Fan Expo is very soon!  I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm.

The Fancy Sketch ends TODAY! Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home.

COMMENTERS: What’s the craziest improvised “weapon” you’ve ever seen or heard of being used in a fight? Was it better than a half a raccoon stuck on an old shovel? The answer is no. No it wasn’t. I’ve only been in 2 or 3 real fights in my entire life and all of them were before I entered high school. Once, in 6th grade, a kid tried to start a fight with me when I was walking home. I was talking all sorts of shit about his “momma” and how said momma owed me “money” because I was her “pimp.” That little fucker up and pulled out a compass from his Trapper Keeper and tried to stab my ass with it. A FUCKING COMPASS! A lesson to would-be purchasers of mathematical school supplies. A compass EASILY doubles as a murder weapon. Protractors are mostly harmless.

 

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Breaking Fast https://hijinksensue.com/comic/breaking-fast/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/breaking-fast/#comments Tue, 14 Aug 2012 16:21:28 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2939

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!   There’s also a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT! Toronto Fan Expo is very soon! Are you coming? I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm. The Fancy Sketch Drive Sketches are just about sold out. I suspect […]]]>

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!  

Grammar Dalek Shirt, Fighting Time Lords Shirt, Hijinks ENSUE

There’s also a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT!

Toronto Fan Expo is very soon! Are you coming? I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm.

The Fancy Sketch Drive Sketches are just about sold out. I suspect I’ll be ending the drive this week. Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home to replace the exploded one which is too exploded.

The HE Podcast is coming back! More info HERE. First new episode drops tomorrow!

I posted a tweet on Sunday night that sums up what loving Breaking Bad has done to me:

@hijinksensue So should I send the medical bill for this ulcer to AMC or directly to Vince Gilligan? #BreakingBad

Of course it would be silly to send it directly to Mr. Gilligan. I’m sure he has people for that. Hell, they probably have a whole department devoted to helping fans find treatment for ulcers, nervous disorders, panic attacks, stress induced spontaneously bleeding eyeballs, hyper-wafflefication, Mrs. Butterworth’s Syndrome… the list goes on.

Walter White is perhaps the most fascinating character ever created for the small screen. I could (and DO) talk for hours about the subtlety and complexity with which he has transformed over 5 seasons from a loser (and a bit of an asshole) who wanted to be a bad guy, to a monster (who wants to be an even bigger monster) who fancies himself a good guy. Every time I meet or speak to someone who works as a writer, either for books, tv or film, the conversation ALWAYS ends up squarely at Breaking Bad. It’s a show that’s had 1000 opportunities to jump the shark and it’s never even come close. It has consistently escalated in quality from the pilot to this week’s episode. And thankfully it is ending this season, which almos definitely means it will go out on a high note. If the comic above is correct, the final episode will end with Walter Jr. will fly off into the sunset in his golden brown Wafflecopter and saying, “I thought we were going to Coldstone Creamery.”

COMMENTERS: I’m posting my theory and thoughts for the end of the show in a SPOILER FILLED thread on the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group. Feel free to post non-spoilery Breaking Bad thoughts or musings on Walt. Jr.’s cereal preferences in the comments below.

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Let’s All Flee To The Lobby https://hijinksensue.com/comic/lets-all-flee-to-the-lobby/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/lets-all-flee-to-the-lobby/#comments Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:17:51 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2838

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE!  The preorder starts today. There’s more shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT! I took my wife to see The Dark Knight Rises friday night. I have SO MANY OPINIONS about the film itself, but I will probably save them for a subsequent post. The theater was understandably less packed […]]]>

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE! 

The preorder starts today. There’s more shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT!

I took my wife to see The Dark Knight Rises friday night. I have SO MANY OPINIONS about the film itself, but I will probably save them for a subsequent post. The theater was understandably less packed than one would expect on an opening weekend at 8pm. Considering the tragedy in Colorado only 14 or so hours earlier, I assume many people just didn’t feel like enjoying anything. My real hope was that people weren’t staying home out of fear of some sort of copycat attack. That said, I did find myself eyeballing everyone that stood up during the film or entered/exited the theater after the lights went down. I felt silly and a little ashamed, but then AMC Theaters seemed to take it upon themselves to TOTALLY REINFORCE AND VALIDATE my twinge of fear by running the terrifyingly inappropriate emergency exit message seen in panels 1 and 2 above.

As soon as it started with “In case we need to escape for REAL…” I began to feel ill at ease. “Move a safe distance so you really can’t see what’s going on.” Was this a joke? I immediately thought it was a DIRECT RESPONSE to the shooting in Aurora. I was amazed that they were able to record and distribute this promo so quickly. I posted about it on Twitter later that evening and come to find out, it’s several months old. This raises two poits: A) WHY THE ENTIRE FUCK didn’t AMC pull this reel immediately after the shooting? And B) Since it didn’t have anything to do with the shooting, why was it created in the first place? It seems like the intended it as a joke, but at what or whose expense? Was it released in conjunction with a horror movie? Context is everything. Completely out of context of the shooting, the warning is still creepy and ill conceived. In context of the shooting it’s unbelievably offensive. I had never noticed that message before, but at the time it really seemed like they were making light of the situation. I know that isn’t the case, and that it’s a terrible coincidence, but WHEN would a message like that be appropriate?

I wasn’t able to find a recording or a video of the message itself, but an intrepid reader was able to point me to this complaint filed by an AMC patron that proves I didn’t fever dream the whole thing.

COMMENTERS: I really do want to talk about TDKR, but this is a bit too somber of a comic, for an entirely too somber occasion to debate Bane’s motivation or how Nolan chose to wrap up with Bat-trilogy. So how about a slightly somber question? Has there ever been an event (personal or global, tragic or not) that caused you to immediately change or stop a previously frequent behavior? 

My personal example will be down in the comments.

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Rival Smugglers https://hijinksensue.com/comic/rival-smugglers/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/rival-smugglers/#comments Wed, 11 Jul 2012 05:55:45 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2821

Alternate Title: The Smugglers Brothers NEW PRINT SIZES IN THE STORE! I might have some prints of this comic with me at SDCC. If you would like a print and you won’t be at SDCC, you can click the “Buy A Print” button beneath the comic [or click HERE] and select from either 8.5×11″ for […]]]>

Alternate Title: The Smugglers Brothers

NEW PRINT SIZES IN THE STORE! I might have some prints of this comic with me at SDCC. If you would like a print and you won’t be at SDCC, you can click the “Buy A Print” button beneath the comic [or click HERE] and select from either 8.5×11″ for $15 or 11×17″ for $25. They are printed on SUPER nice matte stock and ready to be framed.

The Fancy Sketch Drive ends TODAY Wednesday 7/11/12! I will be turning it off as soon as I leave for San Diego, around 2pm central time. 

San Diego Comic-Con is right now! I will be hanging out at booth 1332 with Blind Ferret. Check my Twitter for signing times and availability. More info HERE.

Grammar Dalek Shirts will go on presale after I get back from SDCC.

I was going run some of the Fancy Sketch Drive sketches as filler while I was away at SDCC, but at the last minute I got inspired to post a colored and be-backgrounded version of the original art I did for the Edmonton, Alberta chapter of Can’t Stop the Serenity 2012. Apparently the drawing raised over $100 for Equality Now. Pretty shiny.

COMMENTERS: I don’t really think the Star Wars and Firefly universes would crossover well, but I was having a conversation recently that (with a little rule bending) the Avatar and Firefly universes could co-exist. What other sci-fi or fantasy ‘verses would mesh nicely together? I bet Blade Runner takes place 40, maybe 50 years before Fifth Element.

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Catches Fleas Just Like Flies https://hijinksensue.com/comic/catches-fleas-just-like-flies/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/catches-fleas-just-like-flies/#comments Tue, 10 Jul 2012 11:36:43 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2819

The Fancy Sketch Drive ends on Wednesday 7/11/12! San Diego Comic-Con is this week! I will be hanging out at booth 1332 with Blind Ferret. Check my Twitter for signing times and availability. More info HERE. Grammar Dalek Shirts will go on presale after I get back from SDCC. Big thanks to Mark Waid of Daredevil and Thrillbent for the shout out to HE at […]]]>

The Fancy Sketch Drive ends on Wednesday 7/11/12!

San Diego Comic-Con is this week! I will be hanging out at booth 1332 with Blind Ferret. Check my Twitter for signing times and availability. More info HERE.

Grammar Dalek Shirts will go on presale after I get back from SDCC.

Big thanks to Mark Waid of Daredevil and Thrillbent for the shout out to HE at the end of this Onion AV Club interview about digital comics.

This comic was inspired by and features the second appearance of my cat, Replay. [UPDATE: Fancy Bastard Stephen found another instance of Replay in the comic archive.] My other, stupider cat’s name is Tivo. They both hate commercials. The title is derived from how my daughter actually sang the theme song to the 60’s Spider-Man cartoon show when she was 4 years old. It seemed oddly appropriate.

I wrote up a bunch of thoughts on Twitter about The Amazing Spider-Man after seeing the movie. Rather than paraphrase, I am just going to post it all below. COMMENTERS: Feel free to post your thoughts on ASM in the comments. I would say, “No spoilers,” but how can you spoil a story that’s been told 100 times over the last 50 years? [words in blue are from Twitter followers]

  • Saw Amazing Spider-Man. Sam Raimi’s Spider is to Tim Burton’s Batman as ASM is to Batman Begins.
  • That isn’t to say that it’s vastly superior. Raimi and Burton’s movies we’re 90’s era comics come to life. ASM and BB are more grounded.
  • Raimi and Burton were all about spectacle and showmanship. ASM and Bat-Nolan are all about characters.
  • Spider-Man and Batman had strikingly similar arcs in the first 3 movies. Good, better, FUCKING BAT COUNTRY.
  • @hijinksensue That’s exactly how I feel about Raimi’s films. They’re live-action cartoons. They’re fun, but don’t hold up 10 years later.
  • yeah they are very time capsulesque. Beyond their era they stick out like a sore thumb.
  • .@imariaprime I don’t think there was “filler” in ASM, but it was tough to sit through Spiderman’s origin story for 40 min AGAIN.
  • They tweaked the origin enough to keep it familiar but fresh but sitting there waiting for Uncle Ben to give the speech and die was tough.
  • But they HAVE to cover that ground to allow the new trilogy to stand on its own. Can’t skip straight to the sequel.
  • Ok nevermind. They could have spent 15 minutes recapping or streamlining the origin.
  • As far as actors go, Garfield blew McGuire out of the water.
  • @hijinksensue was never a fan of maguire as peter Parker. Although that could have something to do with how badly he was written
  • @OfDoomReview wife and I had the same conversation tonight. You can only work with what you’re given.
  • Also happy to report that the annoying things about the costume in ASM aren’t nearly as noticeable in the actual film as in the press photos
  • You never even see the magic silver slippers. The basketball texture is still weird but not as detestable as I was expecting.
  • @Noahsturdevant since his name was tossed around, Gyllenhaal would have made a better Spiderman than McGuire.
  • And Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy? Let’s just say I wouldn’t throw HER off a bridge to her death. #what #noidea
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Taken It 2 The Streets https://hijinksensue.com/comic/taken-it-2-the-streets/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/taken-it-2-the-streets/#comments Thu, 21 Jun 2012 06:49:43 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2769

Thanks to Rob for the joke in panel 4 which inspired this entire comic. Before I start the next storyline, I thought I would take[n] this opportunity to reinforce a few things about Eli’s personality. First off, he thinks all action movies follow the Rambo naming convention, i.e. the title of the film is the […]]]>

Thanks to Rob for the joke in panel 4 which inspired this entire comic.

Before I start the next storyline, I thought I would take[n] this opportunity to reinforce a few things about Eli’s personality. First off, he thinks all action movies follow the Rambo naming convention, i.e. the title of the film is the lead character’s name. This goes for Taken, Die Hard, Cliff Hanger (actually THAT one was a real missed opportunity, Hollywood) and Point Break. Secondly, he is a creature of confident confusion. He rarely knows what he’s talking about, but he know’s it’s right. Thirdly, he is probably still drunk. We’ll get into that more later.

I watched the trailer for Taken 2 and it is clear that Taken is Taken it up a notch. This time his daughter, his wife and presumably his entire extended family have been Taken by the (I’m assuming) widowers of the dozens if not hundreds of Ukrainian Albanian human trafficers he murdered in the first movie. I’m actually relieved that they took[en] this direction for the sequel. The only things going through my head at the end of Taken were A) NOT enough blood, because most of it was in my boner and B) the idea that one dude might have the particular set of skills required to take[n] the lives of 150 some odd goons, and he just might get away with it if no one identifies him, BUT how in the ridiculous fuck is he going to murder a wealthy European slave dealer in his own home AND am Iranian Sheik on his own boat and NOT face immediate retribution? The apparent answer is: no. Or he can’t. He doesn’t. Whatever. My money is on him rage-flipping all of Eastern Europe like a lumpy mattress.

SIDE NOTE: if you HAVE seen the trailer for Taken 2: Taken That Shit To The Next Level, is it just me or does the main bad guy look like The Most Interesting Man In The World from the beer commercials? “I don’t always traffic in humans, but when I do… I make it white American women. Stay scummy, my friends.”

COMMENTERS: Please insert John Taken into more films and give him his memorable quote. For example:

V: Taken Out The Lizard People – “What I do have are a very particular set of scales.” That was also works if you put Taken in Blow.

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The Fassbender And The Furious https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-fassbender-and-the-furious/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-fassbender-and-the-furious/#comments Mon, 18 Jun 2012 23:42:23 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2710

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale IS NOW HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or horrible spacesuit sweater! Did you know the […]]]>

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale IS NOW HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or horrible spacesuit sweater!

Wil Wheaton Plushie from HijiNKS ENSUE, Wil Wheaton Plush toy doll

Did you know the Fancy Bastards are keeping each other company over on the new Fancy Bastard Facebook Group? Why are you missing out on the fun? Why would you do that to yourself?

!!!PROMETHEUS SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

This comic was inspired by a conversation with my friend Stepto in which he attempted to convince me that I was too dumb to realize that I was too smart to be OK with all of the structural weaknesses in Prometheus. I was determined to hold on to my geek joy and not sacrifice it to his dead, pedantic spite-gods. Then I actually started to think about some of the… all of the stuff in the movie and the black goo of doubt began to race through my system and infect my very DNA. At one point a little techno-organic worm poked out of my eyeball just long enough to shout, “WHY WERE ALL THOSE SCIENTISTS SO DUMB AND BAD AT SCIENCE!?!” Just before I begged Charlize Theron to bathe me in cleansing flames, I realized he had a point.

Still I enjoyed the movie. And what is the most important question you can ask of art designed to entertain other than “was I entertained?” The weird thing about Prometheus is that it distracts you with pretty, and robots, and pretty robots, and murder aliens for 2 hours and then it’s over. So you don’t really notice all of the problems until you’re totally removed from the situation.

Regarding all the talk of “mystery,” I don’t think the plot actually leaves all that much unanswered. You don’t have to know why the Engineers want to delete humanity in order to understand the story or their role in it. David spelled it out perfectly when he made the “Why did you create us?” analogy. We would deactivate and destroy hundreds of thousands of androids if we decided they were faulty or posed a threat. They’re our creation and thus below us and we can do with them as we please. Same goes for the engineers. Whatever humanity did to piss them off 2000 years ago, was enough to say, “Well that’s enough of that bullshit. Time to wipe them out and mark a check in the FAILED EXPERIMENT column.” The “mystery” isn’t the issue.

The issue is one of characterization and motivation. The list of character problems I could make would be too long and boring to actually get anything out of, but all of the problems stem from the same root cause. Every single character in the movie (excluding perhaps David and the Engineers) establish type then play against it at every possible turn. And not in a clever way. More in a “one guy wrote the first half of the movie, then another wrote the second half without reading the first half” type of way. All of the hired scientists are incredibly terrible at their jobs despite displaying and professing their proficiency early on. We shouldn’t even have to question their merit considering the richest man in the galaxy decided to include them on the most important expedition in human history. Their ineptitude immediately throws their own character and that of Weyland (and subsequently nearly the entire plot of the film) into question. You get the impression early on that none of these people are professionals or even intelligent. Why don’t they follow any protocol on the planet? Why do they take their helmets off? Why do they KEEP TAKING THEM OFF even after shit starts to go real bad? Why does their cowardice overpower their scientific curiosity and why is that tolerated by their superiors? “I’ve decided NOT to contribute my expertise to this trillion dollar mission for which I was hired. Cool?” Why doesn’t main science lady ever tell ANYONE that she just c-sectioned an alien squid monster from her belly? No one even asks why she’s covered in blood, not in stasis and COVERED IN FUCKING BLOOD. There are just too many cases where people don’t act or react like actual people.

 Still, I enjoyed it. Considering it was written by a LOST show-runner, I’m not entirely surprised that an excellent premise was confusified into something that posed more questions than it answered. I’m not sure when it happened, probably when LOST got so popular, but why did Hollywood decide that confusing = deep? You don’t get to say “it makes you think” when you really mean “we couldn’t come up with anything so we just left that part out.” Still, I enjoyed it. I just wish it had gone through one more rewrite by someone that wasn’t mistaking ambition for sloppiness or convoluted for thought provoking. Still… I enjoyed it.

COMMENTERS: OK, GO NUTS! Spoilers and all. Get your Prometheus thoughts off your chest. 

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The Harsh Light Of Day https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-harsh-light-of-day/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-harsh-light-of-day/#comments Thu, 14 Jun 2012 14:53:34 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2706

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale IS NOW HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or horrible spacesuit sweater! Check out the Serenity/Star […]]]>

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale IS NOW HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or horrible spacesuit sweater!

Wil Wheaton Plushie from HijiNKS ENSUE, Wil Wheaton Plush toy doll

Check out the Serenity/Star Wars themed art I did for the Edmonton, Alberta “Can’t Stop The Serenity” charity Auction. If you’re going to the event, it could be yours.

I don’t even know what to believe any more. No one seems the like Prometheus. The warmest review I’ve heard from a trusted geek source is “I enjoyed it well enough, but there were some MAJOR problems.” I’ve so been looking forward to this movie for months, and now I don’t even know if I want to see it in theaters or wait for home video. It seemed like it had everything the perfect ME movie should have. Spaceships, robots, space, creepy robots, a lady, aliens, space murder, convulsing, space suits, cryo-sleep, a thing trying to kill everyone, space accents… quite literally EVERYTHING I look for in a movie. Now I’m hearing about character problems and a story that doesn’t quite come together. I really hope this is another Avatar situation, where I LOVE it and all the haters can go suck on a plasma exhaust port.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to give you TOTALLY SPOILER FREE thoughts on Prometheus in the comments. Rest assured that, despite my warning, I will probably read none of them until after I see the movie. I’m still holding out hope.

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I Will Avenger You. Will You Avenger Me? https://hijinksensue.com/comic/i-will-avenger-you-will-you-avenger-me/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/i-will-avenger-you-will-you-avenger-me/#comments Tue, 15 May 2012 04:35:35 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2659

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and […]]]>

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

And thus ends my first mini story arc. I hope you are enjoying the new format so far. It’s been a lot of fun to write, but there have also been several unexpected challenges. I found myself asking questions like, “Wait, should I show them going INTO the theater? Is the setting clear? Can you tell how much time has passed since the last comic?” Simple stuff, but stuff I’ve never had to deal with none the less. I am really enjoying the ability to expand on a joke or a premise from day to day instead of trying to cram it all into one comic or truncate everything I want to say. It feels like the room suddenly got bigger and I have more space to walk around. I am going to do one or two stand alone comics next, then pick up with a new short story line. I suspect that’s how things will go for the time being.

I am going to be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend with Randy Milholland of Something Positive. I will ONLY BE THERE SATURDAY. Randy will be there Saturday and Sunday. You can find us at table 132. I will have books, prints, stickers and sketch cards, but no shirts. Really testing the waters on this one. If you guys come out and make it a good show, I will probably be back next year in full force.

HijinKS ENSUE at Dallas Comic Con 2012

Friday (5/11/12) was the 5 year anniversary of HijiNKS ENSUE. Thanks to all the Fancy Bastards for the kind words and encouragement that have been pouring in via email, comments and twitter over the last week. I couldn’t do this weird, amazing job without you, nor would I want to.

I have and idea for an Avengers themed restaurant. I bet people would really enjoy the experience of dressing up in fancy costumes, getting the shit kicked out of them for a few hours, then being fed Middle Eastern food with questionable ingredients while they bled all over the floor. It’s like Medieval Times but awesome. I am looking for investors, and this is your opportunity to get in on the ground floor. Watch your step, the ground floor is covered in our patrons’ blood.

COMMENTERS: What famous movie scene do you think would make for a great (or terrible) theme restaurant? How about a Beetlejuice restaurant where your shrimp cocktail turns into a hand and tries to kill you? Or a Pulp Fiction restaurant where you get to eat classic American diner food while two hitmen in their underwear try to diffuse a robbery? Can you imagine how much fun it would be to eat under a table with your face on the floor while everyone is screaming and waiving guns around?

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You Don’t Have To Go Home, But You Can’t Stay Here https://hijinksensue.com/comic/you-dont-have-to-go-home-but-you-cant-stay-here/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/you-dont-have-to-go-home-but-you-cant-stay-here/#comments Fri, 11 May 2012 04:27:23 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2657

Alternate Title: “A Shawarma Bees” – I did not use this title because, despite making me laugh for an hour, it doesn’t make any sense. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated in the last couple of […]]]>

Alternate Title: “A Shawarma Bees” – I did not use this title because, despite making me laugh for an hour, it doesn’t make any sense.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated in the last couple of days, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

I’m not sure a Marvel movie post-credits scene has ever gotten me quite so excited-pants as the one in The Avengers. Who knows if they will follow up that plot thread in the first sequel, or save it for a third? Either way, based on how well executed this first outing was, and assuming Whedon will he at the helm of future sequels, I have high hopes for where this is all going. [SPOILERS: It is going to space and shit is going to get CRAZY real.]

So after the post-credits scene, all the chumps (and all the teens… TEEEEEENS!) piled out of the theater like a bunch of chumps. When are chumps going to learn to stop playing themselves like chumps all the time? The post-post credits scene was… it’s basically the geek film equivalent of DaVinci’s “The Last Supper.” [no pun intended]. Note to self: Actually draw that. That would be hilarious.

On a special note, a MAGICAL thing happened to me at Starbucks tonight. My wife and I were witness to quite possibly THE WORST first date any two human beings have ever had. I live tweeted the whole thing and have collected the unbearably awkward joy for you HERE. I don’t know why I was chosen to receive this gift, but I will do my best to honor it and share it with the world.

Starbucks DateWreck Live Tweet

COMMENTERS: I’m going to tread lightly since I know not all of you have seen The Avengers yet. Don’t click this link if you don’t want the 2nd post-credits scene spoiled. So a certain type of… ethnic… product has seen a MAJOR boost in sales since The Avengers came out. Has there ever been a movie that made you aware of a food, product or any other useful and enjoyable thing that WASN’T specifically an advertisement? Did you start wearing trench coats after The Matrix? Did you start wearing cleric’s robes after The Matrix: Revolutions? What’s wrong with you?

NOTE TO RSS READERS: Based on all of your feedback I have decided to try just putting a thumbnail image with full blog posts in the RSS feed. Seems like most of you don’t mind clicking through since you are using the RSS just a reminder that there is a new comic. Here’s hoping this doesn’t impair the usability of the site for you, since it has the potential to greatly impact my ad revenue. I am also working on the possibility of a premium RSS feed for donation subscribers.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

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Waiving A New Banner https://hijinksensue.com/comic/waiving-a-new-banner/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/waiving-a-new-banner/#comments Thu, 10 May 2012 04:10:40 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2653

Alternate Title: “Hunting Ruffalo” Why are things happening in the comic that seem to relate to things that happened in yesterday’s comic and the day before’s comic? Because times, they are a changin’. Also comics. Comics are a thing that is also a changin’. Specifically HijiNKS ENSUE comics. Read more about it HERE if you haven’t […]]]>

Alternate Title: “Hunting Ruffalo”

Why are things happening in the comic that seem to relate to things that happened in yesterday’s comic and the day before’s comic? Because times, they are a changin’. Also comics. Comics are a thing that is also a changin’. Specifically HijiNKS ENSUE comics. Read more about it HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated in the last couple of days, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

I wrote about it in my big Avengers review on Monday, but it bears repeating: HOLY DAMNBASKETS I LOVED THE HULK IN THIS MOVIE!!! Leave it to Whedon to take a character I have been ignoring for 20 years and turn him into the entire heart and soul of the film. Also, let me take this opportunity to address any of your reading that may work in Hollywood. I am pitching a new half hour 3-camera comedy called Leave It To Whedon. It centers around a precocious little redhead who keeps getting into all sorts of trouble because he can’t seem to work within the Hollywood machine. He keeps choosing artistic vision and thoughtful storytelling over easily digestible, mass appeal money making. Also he has a paper route and his dog dies in pretty much every episode. Usually just after you REALLY start to care about the dog. BAM! Milk truck or whatever. SPOILERS: In the season one finale he breaks the box office record for opening weekend and all of a sudden the bullies that always pick on him want to be his friend and greenlight all his pet projects. Season two will deal with the production of Serenity 2: See, You Cocksuckers? I Told You!

Here’s a big Avengers related link dump: 

COMMENTERS: Has there ever been a film, Tv, comic or other media adaptation that turned a previously hated character or franchise around for you? I was NEVER a fan of DC comics at all as a kid, but Batman: The Animated Series really got me into the characters and (besides just being a fantastic show) ended up being an easy entre into an intimidatingly large world of characters and continuity. After that I got into a few DC titles following the death of Superman. I still think their animated stuff is top notch. Young Justice is probably the only show besides Fringe that I get excited for each week. OK, now I’m super off topic, so go back and read the question and answer away!

SIDE NOTE: Based on all of your feedback I have decided to try just putting a thumbnail image with full blog posts in the RSS feed. Seems like most of you don’t mind clicking through since you are using the RSS just a reminder that there is a new comic. Here’s hoping this doesn’t impair the usability of the site for you, since it has the potential to greatly impact my ad revenue.

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

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The Big Chill https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-big-chill/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-big-chill/#comments Wed, 09 May 2012 04:28:18 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2651

If this comic makes no sense or seems out of place, perhaps it is because you didn’t read yesterday’s comic. Oh, what’s that? You didn’t notice the continuity? Well, it’s new. We just had it installed. I’m not sure if I like the color, but we have 30 days to return it, so… If you […]]]>

If this comic makes no sense or seems out of place, perhaps it is because you didn’t read yesterday’s comic. Oh, what’s that? You didn’t notice the continuity? Well, it’s new. We just had it installed. I’m not sure if I like the color, but we have 30 days to return it, so…

If you are still confused, the guys WERE in line to see The Avengers and now they ARE in the theater, taking their seats. A betting man might assume they will next be watching the movie, then perhaps after that the movie will be over.

There has been nothing short of an outpouring of support from you, The Fancy Bastards, regarding my blog post yesterday dealing with the shortcomings I see in the comic and the changes/improvements I want to make. I am not exaggerating when I say I spent the whole of Tuesday reading comments, emails and tweets, processing them, responding to as many as I could and just thinking about what you guys had to say. The reactions ranged from “I love the comic and I will continue to support whatever you decide to do,” to “While I do still enjoy the comic, I don’t read it as much and I think you’re right in wanting to fix all those things that you want to fix,” to “YES! All of those things are wrong with the comic! Also here is another list of all the things you are doing wrong! Fix those things now!” Granted, that last group was a vast minority, but for some reason their words rang the loudest between my ears inside my overstressed, emotionally exhausted brains.

Major thanks to everyone that donated yesterday, especially to the few new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would very much appreciate it.

It’s taking every single ounce of… is humility the word? Probably not. Anyway, it’s taking all of the stuff that I can muster… MUSTERSTUFF! That’s the word! It’s taking all of that to read the comments and really absorb the constructive criticism without taking it too personally or getting offended. I basically opened a huge wound then gave everyone one of your a band-aid and a jar of pee and asked you NOT to throw the jar of pee at the wound. There’s sand in the pee jar too. It’s a bad scene where open wounds are concerned. A day later, I am extremely grateful for the band-aids and even the slightly pee-soaked band-aids… OK this metaphor was out of hand before it even started. Abandoning metaphor. Thank you for the feedback. I’m keeping a running list of ideas that I’ve gotten from you guys and I will be considering them strongly and implementing many of the changes you’ve suggested the make sense.

I was really shocked by the number of people that suggested that I take the comic out of the RSS feed and instead just give a link to the site in order to improve ad revenue. These comments came mainly from people who read the comic in the RSS feed. I don’t know how I feel about that since I read everything in Google Reader and get frustrated when I am linked out of it, but I am willing to experiment with anything at this point.

I can certainly say that writing for this week has gone MUCH faster than it typically does. The concept of “picking up where I left off” is altogether new to me and is far preferable to desperately searching for a new topic to write about every day. I am still scared of this new territory, but I am already optimistic about the direction I am taking the comic and my ability to produce better comics, more often and with some degree of reliability in terms of update schedule. More on that as this phase of The Experiment progresses.

COMMENTERS: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen anyone do in a movie theater? I mean, being a teen is pretty bad, but one time I was seeing Equilibrium and a dude just it up a freakin’ cigarette. IN THE THEATER! That’s some seriously sociopathic behavior. Another time, while watching either Paycheck or The Time Machine (I don’t remember which), I had to yell at a guy to wake him up because he was snoring so loud. I don’t remember the film, but once I saw a mom let her two small boys run up and down the aisles of the theater with toy swords during the entire movie. They were like teens, only smaller. It was terrible.

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The Unwashed Masses https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-unwashed-masses/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-unwashed-masses/#comments Tue, 08 May 2012 01:33:21 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2647

I’m doing something different with the comics starting this week. A bit of an experiment, or rather a continuation of The Experiment. I could certainly use your feedback and your support. Please take a few minutes and READ MORE here. The thing I hate the most about going to movies in the theater, especially popular […]]]>

I’m doing something different with the comics starting this week. A bit of an experiment, or rather a continuation of The Experiment. I could certainly use your feedback and your support. Please take a few minutes and READ MORE here.

The thing I hate the most about going to movies in the theater, especially popular ones, is the people. Specifically the teens. I HATE YOU TEENS! I HATE YOUR STUPID PRETTY BUT STILL AWKWARD FACES! I am an adult, and as such I believe I have a right to live a life totally devoid of teens. I am all for teen segregation. They already have their own schools. Why not their own restaurants and movie theaters?

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! Let the healing begin. 

Show Us On The Trilogy Where George Hurt You - funny star wars t-shirt, george lucas shirt, star wars parody

There was a kid in line behind me bitching THE ENTIRE TIME about how “fucking retarded” this particular movie theater was because he stood in the wrong line for an hour and missed his showing of Avengers and no one did anything to stop him from doing such an incredibly stupid thing. To be fair, the theater was so incredibly packed that it was difficult to tell which line was for which showing. This kid, however, allowed himself to stay in the wrong line for over an hour PAST the start time printed on his ticket. Movies do not start an hour late. They are not concerts. Iron Man and The Hulk are not getting high in the green room while Thor gets his Mjolnir hammered by some Asgardian groupie. At one point he called his mom to complain that he was going to be late getting home because of how stupid the theater was and how he doesn’t want to just leave because he already spent like $20 (certainly hers, not his) on snacks. I should not have to endure such teenage dumbness just in order to see a film on opening weekend. Can I pay $5 more to sit in the Adults Only theater? Does that theater serve booze? Who wants to invest in this idea? It’s quite possibly the best idea anyone has ever had.

So what about The Avengers? Quite simply, it was a triumph. It rivals Iron Man and Spider-Man 2 for the title of “Best Super Hero Movie Of All Time” (I do not count The Dark Knight in this category because I just don’t. It’s its own thing.) Without question it is certainly the best Thor movie, the best Hulk movie, the best Captain America movie and the best Iron Man sequel produced to date. And the Hulk… Jesus the Hulk. I have NEVER liked any incarnation of the Hulk in any form of media, filmed, televised or printed. Yet give this character to Joss Whedon and he uses him with such precision and skill that he steals not just every scene he’s in, but quite possibly the entire movie. The use the words “the Hulk” and “subtlety” in the same sentence seems contradictory, but that’s what it was. As a matter of fact, every single thing I loved about The Avengers stemmed from that Whedonesque subtlety that I’ve grown to love so well. A throw away line here that is anything but a throw away, a bit of body language that goes almost unnoticed but tells an entire story. God dammit, Hollywood! Do you see now what we’ve been trying to tell you for a decade?

I want to write a thesis deconstructing the ways in which Michael Bay and Joss Whedon destroy downtown Manhattan. The ham fisted wrecking ball vs. the artist with the soft touch. In the end, the city is still rubble, but the way it got there could not be more disperate. I am not exaggerating when I say I fell asleep during the climactic battle of Transformer 3.  I honestly could not tell what was happening on the screen for the last half hour of the movie and I just lost interest in fighting the boredom. The last 30 minutes of The Avengers, however, might be the most fun I have ever had in a movie theater. Oh, and did I mention The Hulk? HULKHULKHULKHULKHULK HULLLLLLLLLLLLK!!! Seriously, it was that good.

COMMENTERS: Post your thoughts on The Avengers in the comments. SPOILERS MUST MUST MUST BE TAGGED or your comments will be deleted and you will be banned from commenting. DO NOT RUIN THIS MOVIE FOR ANYONE.

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Of Tradition And Obligation https://hijinksensue.com/comic/of-tradition-and-obligation/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/of-tradition-and-obligation/#comments Wed, 25 Apr 2012 04:07:52 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2630

Did you know I have published two books of my comics containing NEW COMMENTARY for absolutely every comic, embarrassing stuff I drew in middle school and high school, and LOTS more extras that have never been published online? Well, I did and I’m really proud of them and they have funny names and I think you should buy […]]]>

Did you know I have published two books of my comics containing NEW COMMENTARY for absolutely every comic, embarrassing stuff I drew in middle school and high school, and LOTS more extras that have never been published online? Well, I did and I’m really proud of them and they have funny names and I think you should buy them.

First things first: The Cabin The Woods is really good. I mean REALLY good. It’s original and exciting and fun, and funny and SO VERY Whedony. The smart dialog is there, the heartbreak is there (in spades), as are the characters that you either love immediately, hate immediately, love to hate immediately or can’t wait to see get eaten by something terrible. At it’s core it is a horror movie, but in a world of Saws and Hostels and torture porn films that only exists to up the gore on their previous installment, The Cabin In The Woods takes the genre and turns it back into an actual genre of film making. It isn’t just a series of stabbings strung loosely together with nameless knife fodder characters. It builds a world, sucks you in and tells a real story. Also it’s hilarious. So funny that it could almost be classified a comedy before a horror film. Almost.

Every review or tweet I see regarding Cabin seems to emphasize, “GO SEE IT BEFORE SOMEONE SPOILS THE CRAZY TWIST!” I feel like that only applies to the average movie goer. A Whedon fan, sci-fi junky or geek aficionado should have the “surprise” figured out mere minutes into the movie. I actually pegged it during the opening credits. That isn’t to say it isn’t a fantastic premise or even that it’s well trodden ground. On the contrary. I just don’t believe there was a “I NEVER SAW THAT COMING!!!” moment, especially if you are already immersed in genre fiction. With that in mind, I can honestly say that no horror movie has ever taken this particular angle in terms of what the “big bad” actually is. Like I said, Cabin is original and refreshing and 100% worth your time and dollars.

I almost felt it was too meta to do a comic about a “Save Cabin In The Woods” campaign, since the film was actually shot in 2009 and sat on the shelf for 3 years. There was a time when it would have likely never seen the light of day. I am certain that Chris Hemsworth and Joss Whedon’s recently rising stars have more than a bit to do with it finally getting released. I imagine some studio exec looked at it like an investment portfolio that had suddenly matured. Odd that both Whedon and Hemsworth are now legitimized by the same franchise, if not the same movie.

I hesitate to say we’ve reached a point where our Whedon no longer needs us to save him. I would like nothing more, but I think the knee jerk reaction to get up in arms over his projects being treated unfairly by Hollywood will be with me for years to come. It’s probably a good thing I don’t know him personally, because I have a feeling I would cause a scene if we were at Taco Bell together and he asked for a chilli cheese burrito and got a regular bean burrito instead. He’d be all, “It’s not a big deal. They have basically the same ingredients in a different configuration.” And I’d be crying havoc and letting slip the dogs of war at a $6 an hour taco-teen with a caulk gun full of sour cream. What do you do when the guy whose back you have made it a habit of having, no longer needs your unwavering devotion? I’m sure there are others out there that need our collective complaining power on their side. Maybe we geeks should just adopt the slogan: “SAVE WHATEVER SCI-FI SHOW IS ABOUT TO BE CANCELLED!” 

I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! The whole cast of Star Trek: TNG is going to be there as well, but you are probably more excited about seeing me or whatever. Right? RIGHT?! Well, you know who AIN’T gonna be there? Lieutenant Barkley. Fuck that noise, Space Admiral Dickhole. Broccoli or GTFO. MORE INFO HERE.

HijiNKS ENSUE At Calgary Expo 2012

COMMENTERS: Feel free to give your SPOILER FREE impression of The Cabin In The Woods. NO SPOILERS AT ALL PLEASE. 

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A Lincoln Log Through The Heart https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-lincoln-log-through-the-heart/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-lincoln-log-through-the-heart/#comments Tue, 10 Apr 2012 04:38:20 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2609

Did you know my books have 1000’s of words (many of them quite funny) that you haven’t read? I don’t just put the comics you’ve already seen on the pages. I write NEW COMMENTARY for each and every comic. There’s also funny character pages, forewords, stories, random nonsense and embarrassing crap I drew in middle school. What […]]]>

BUY HIJINKS ENSUE BOOKS IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE SHOP!

Did you know my books have 1000’s of words (many of them quite funny) that you haven’t read? I don’t just put the comics you’ve already seen on the pages. I write NEW COMMENTARY for each and every comic. There’s also funny character pages, forewords, stories, random nonsense and embarrassing crap I drew in middle school. What I’m trying to say is BUY MY BOOKS! I worked really hard to make them special and I think they’re great. 

I always heard that Abe Lincoln was a bit of a cyclops opthamologist, if you know what I mean. You know, a hunchback pediatrist? A swamp creature manicurist? A Blackula chriopracula? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. Cool, can you explain it to me? Because I have NO IDEA.

COMMENTERS: Please make up your own 1850’s euphemisms and slang. And gay Fancy Bastards, PLEASE work “vampire hunter” into your daily vocabulary. We can make this a thing! A terribly stupid thing!

C2E2 in Chicago is this weekend! I’ll be with Blind Ferret at Booth 432. More details HERE. 
If you are coming to C2E2, you really don’t want to miss our panel:

Panel: Webcomics Roundtable With Blind Ferret and Explosm!
Date: 4/14/2012
Time: 4:00PM – 5:00PM
Location: N426c

You Chicago FB’s saw how well Seattle did in the cookies, coffee, and booze gift  department right? Are you going to let them show you up? I’m not sayin’ but I’m just sayin’. [iced or hot soy latte, Starbucks Doubleshots, rum, vodka, tequila, pretty much any kind of chocolate, no nut allergies]

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Food Fighters https://hijinksensue.com/comic/food-fighters/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/food-fighters/#comments Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:12:19 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2589

NEW SHIRT!!!  Han And Chewie “I Know” shirts are live at Sharksplode! [based on this comic] Seattle Fancy Bastards! I am coming for you this weekend! Read more HERE.  I’m approaching The Hunger Games the same way I did Harry Potter. See and enjoy the movies first THEN read the books and find out about all […]]]>

NEW SHIRT!!! 
Han And Chewie “I Know” shirts are live at Sharksplode! 
[based on this comic]

Han And Chewbacca - I Love You / I Know, Han And Chewie Star Wars Parody Funny T-Shirt

Seattle Fancy Bastards! I am coming for you this weekend! Read more HERE. 

I’m approaching The Hunger Games the same way I did Harry Potter. See and enjoy the movies first THEN read the books and find out about all of the stuff that would have pissed me off about the movies. So far it’s working, because I really liked the movie. The lead character, the archery girl, has a real cunning and agility to her. An almost feline quality. A “catness,” if you will. [pause for applause] Thank you, thank you. I’ll be encasing myself in concrete now as to preserve the look on my face when I made the most perfectly crafted joke anyone has either spoken, written, read or heard aloud. Also because it will kill me, which should satisfy those of you that think I should die for that joke. I regret nothing. Except for drowning to death in concrete.

I wasn’t a complete Hunger Games virgin going in. I knew the basic premise and I had read a bit on Wikipedia to familiarize myself with some of the more fleshed out concepts of the world that would no doubt be left out of the cinematic offering for time and pacing reasons. I felt like the end result was a nice tight narrative that did a clever job of introducing you to its world while not smothering the plot. It was obvious that many characters that certainly had larger stories in the books had drastically reduced roles or were even relegated to background glimpses (further Wiki’ing confirmed this theory). You could see little threads of plot all over the place that the film wouldn’t have time to even address, much less resolve. I think that’s a good thing, because it gets casual observers like me more interested in reading the books and getting a full view of the world building within.

MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD: Regarding Mr. Kravitz portrayal of Cinna the stylist, there were some fucked up allusions going on with his wardrobe creations. The clothing was supposed to represent the district the tributes hailed from. District 12 is a coal mining area, where both Katniss and Peeta’s father’s were killed in a mine explosion, so Cinna dresses them in coal black clothing and SETS IT ON FIRE!? I’d say that isn’t appropriate or sensitive in the least, but these kids are being lead to their deaths in a child murder contest for the amusement of the home viewing audience, so what do I know? I was surprised at the amount of actual child murder that they showed. I was really expecting them to pull a few more punches and gaping blade wounds. The opening “scramble for supplies” scene was actually pretty disturbing to watch. Right about then the concept of children killing each other sinks in, followed by the concept that it is essentially for entertainment (as well as propaganda, control through fear and intimidation, etc). Back to the coal fire: did anyone else get the impression that Cinna drew inspiration from Centralia, the Pennsylvania town that’s been on fire for 50 years (or 150 by his time)? Maybe district 12 isn’t far from there.

My only real gripe with the movie (knowing a bit more than the average person about the book’s plot, but not nearly enough to get all that upset), the idea that hunger was a central theme of the story just didn’t come through at all. I never got the impression that anyone was starving. Poor? Sure. Starving? Not really. These kids are pretty and plump and muscular and heathly. When presented with multiple feasts, at no point does anyone gorge themselves like a person that has been living off of rations would. I get that they are terrified and tramatized, but the word “HUNGER” is in the freaking title of the movie. It seems like one of the most important themes of the book was just kind of swept under the rug. Also, the movie basically says that Katniss is faking her love for Peeta to garner favor with the audience, but gives the impression that by the end she is actually in love with him. This seemed odd, so I looked it up and, yup, she’s a faker and she totally and in cold blood breaks his heart at the end of the book. I guess they want us to be more sympathetic to her, but honestly in the situation she was in survival is the only thing that mattered. Also, just to clarify, the three finger salute means “Hey The Capitol! Read between the lines jackwads!” right?

COMMENTERS: Did you see The Hunger Games? What did you think? Were you a fan of the books already? PLEASE MARK ALL COMMENTS WITH SPOILERS AS SUCH. 

CHECK IT OUT: My daughter drew another Tiny Titan and it’s up on my Tumblr.

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Star-Crossed https://hijinksensue.com/comic/star-crossed/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/star-crossed/#comments Mon, 26 Mar 2012 09:18:43 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2585

UPDATE: This comic is totally a shirt now!!!  Han And Chewie “I Know” shirts are live at Sharksplode! Seattle Fancy Bastards! I am coming for you this weekend! Read more HERE.  Notice how every other alien’s dialog is subtitled in Star Wars except for Chewie’s? That’s because every word out of his mouth was a […]]]>

UPDATE: This comic is totally a shirt now!!! 
Han And Chewie “I Know” shirts are live at Sharksplode!

Han And Chewbacca - I Love You / I Know, Han And Chewie Star Wars Parody Funny T-Shirt

Seattle Fancy Bastards! I am coming for you this weekend! Read more HERE. 

Notice how every other alien’s dialog is subtitled in Star Wars except for Chewie’s? That’s because every word out of his mouth was a declaration of love, and only one person can understand the truth in his heart. He was more than Han Solo’s co-pilot. He was his co-partner. Of course the films DID take place “a long time ago,” so some predjudice is to be expected. Why do you think Chewie didn’t get a medal at the end of A New Hope? Interstellar bigotry, that’s why! Sure, they called themselves “Rebels,” but more than the Empire they are rebelling against love.

Basically Brokeback Mountain is a modern day retelling of Star Wars. Two cowboys (smugglers) hide their true feelings by assuming “normal” lives except for on their long, secluded retreats (deep space runs in the Falcon), and even go as far as to marry women they don’t really love (Leia and Malla) to keep up appearances for fear of reprisal from their community (the Rebels). It really is a tragic story of love, denial and persecution. Also there’s this winy kid who gets his hand cut off. Spoilers.

COMMENTERS: Doesn’t the Star Wars Trilogy make SO MUCH MORE sense now? If you agree with my groundbreaking new understanding of the greatest film love story of all time, feel free to elaborate in the comments. What were the clues? Why was Han really so anxious to get his reward and get back to the Falcon? He wanted to start a nestegg for he and Chewie. Why was he so apprehensive about giving the Falcon to Lando? Because that was the only place he was able to be himself with his partner!

 

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Hanging Brain https://hijinksensue.com/comic/hanging-brain/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/hanging-brain/#comments Tue, 20 Mar 2012 08:09:31 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2578

NEW SHIRT!!!  Where’s Carl?! Shirts based on this comic are live at Sharksplode! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was my thing. Just like any red-blooded American boy I loved me some G.I. JOE and just like any advanced sentient machine boy from a war torn planet in a distance galaxy I loved me some Transformers, but […]]]>

NEW SHIRT!!!  Where’s Carl?! Shirts based on this comic are live at Sharksplode!
Where's Carl? Walking Dead Calvin and Hobbes Mashup Parody Shirt

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was my thing. Just like any red-blooded American boy I loved me some G.I. JOE and just like any advanced sentient machine boy from a war torn planet in a distance galaxy I loved me some Transformers, but Ninja Turtles was my thing. I ate, slept and breathed Ninja Turtes. Two of those I did quite literally. I horribly disgusting Ninja Turtles cereal, which was basically Chex with rejected Lucky Charms marshmallows, and a Ninja Turtles sleeping bag. If they had sold green canned air with tops in a choice of four primary colors, I’m sure I would have inhaled nothing but. [Side note regarding the Turtles Cereal: They got away with it just being Chex by referring to those pieces as “Ninja Nets.” You know… all those nets they were always throwing around. I think Donatello was the one with the net. Or maybe that was Zeppo.]

From ages 7-10 I spent a good 2/3 of my day as a Ninja Turtle. I had 3 close friends and we each adopted a Turtle persona for recess, which we kept for several years. There wasn’t any fighting over who would claim which turtle. It was just clear. I was bossy and an insufferable know-it-all, so I was Leonardo. Cody was the most violent and we all agreed his wild flailing of the limbs most resembled actual karate, so he was Rahpael. Rob was the smartest and the most sensitive, so he was Donatello. And… fuck me in the sewer lair, I don’t remember who was Michaelangelo. That’s going to bother me. Anyway, we played TMNT at recess every day. We kept up our story lines and picked them up where they left off each day. We wore various bits of costumes at home, and tucked plastic weapons into our belt loops. I even had a blue Leo mask with a green snout on it that smelled like the inside of a tire. We watched the episodes hundreds of times. I had 6 VHS tapes with 2 or 3 episodes each that came from Burger King and played them to the point of ruin. Each and every birthday and Xmas from those years was nothing but Turtles wall to wall. One kid would get a new vehicle or playset and the rest of us would assemble it and place the decals while he enjoyed a piece of cake or a round of TMNT 2 on the NES. One year, Rob (Donatello-Rob from earlier) got the Sewer Lair Playset (probably the rarest turtles playset next to the Technodrome… NO ONE had the Technodrome), and we treated it as if his parents had just given him a car with machine guns mounted to the hood. I eventually got the Turtle Blimp (probably the rarest vehicle in the line), so my status as Leonardo, Chief Intolerable Asshole of the team wasn’t revoked.

I say all of that to say this: I don’t know if I care if Michael Bay fucks up the Ninja Turtles by making them aliens instead of mutants. Sure, that would basically shift the entire original purpose of characters (regular, ordinary creatures are elevated to extraordinary status through an accident of science), but that doesn’t really have any effect on how much I enjoyed them as a child or how fondly I remember them today. You might call fowl, but this is different them George Lucas going back and altering/invalidating my memories through meddling with existing films. And it’s different than Michael Bay taking a steaming cyber-crap all over Transformers since that franchise has never payed any real attention to it’s own continuity (SHUT UP WILLIS! I’VE DONE MY HOMEWORK!) to begin with. I think the only reason people my age were mad at him for Transformers is because he was making the first official live action version of the series. Ninja Turtles already had two great live action movies (we do not speak of the third one… what third one?), which almost perfectly encapsulated the spirit of the franchise in the 80’s and early 90’s and brought to life the version of the Turtles that I grew up with. Sure they were cheesy, but so was everything else back then. And if you’re still upset, remember that the movies strayed pretty far from the cartoon origin story by making Splinter and Hamato Yoshi two different beings. Do you remember the scene where the rat learns kung fu? That shit was ridiculous. [UPDATE: is has been pedanted pointed out to me NUMEROUS times that the first movie followed the origin from the comics and it was the original cartoon that deviated plot-wise. Well, that just further proves my point that nothing is sacred in the TMNT franchise, so any changes made to the origin are fair game.]

The thing about Ninja Turtules is that unlike almost every other franchise from the 80’s, it never went away. It would go off the air for a year or two at most before it came back with a new incarnation. There were multiple cartoon shows, some continuations, some reboots. There was a live action show, For a while it was about alien Triceratopses, and one of the most recent cartoons took place over 100 years in the future. The only thing Bay talking about changing is literally THE ONLY THING that hasn’t already been changed. The weird thing about Ninja Turtles is every kid who was 8 years old at any point between 1987 and 2012 could have grown up with them, but not necessarily the same ones you did. Hell, I haven’t even mentioned the comics. I say let Bay do his worst. My bandanna is still blue, my katana is still plastic and my memories are intact. Cowabunga, you Fancy Bastards.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to weigh on on the aliens vs. mutant debate.  Which Turtles were YOUR Turtles? What was your favorite Turtles toy/ coolest one you never owned? Mine were the rubberized figures released after the first movie. They were more flexible and had realistic skin. What was the weirdest Turtles tie-in product you ever saw? For me it was the “Ooze” fruit pies. I probably ate 100 of them, but damn do they seem toxic in retrospect.

UPDATE: My friend Paul gives his pitch for how the alien turtle thing could work and not make his inner 8 year old weep. He wants to believe SOOOO badly.

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Fetch A Pail Of Water https://hijinksensue.com/comic/fetch-a-pail-of-water/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/fetch-a-pail-of-water/#comments Tue, 13 Mar 2012 22:31:14 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2567

Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE! Actually it was Microsoft that emailed me about being able to watch Jack And Jill on my Xbox. At first I thought it was a threat. Like if I didn’t sign up for Xbox Live Gold they were going to somehow forcibly push Adam Sandler’s most recent unforgivable […]]]>

http://store.hijinksensue.com

Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE!

Actually it was Microsoft that emailed me about being able to watch Jack And Jill on my Xbox. At first I thought it was a threat. Like if I didn’t sign up for Xbox Live Gold they were going to somehow forcibly push Adam Sandler’s most recent unforgivable curse into my home. I immediately started digging through my pockets to see how much cash I had on hand. Maybe it I crammed it in the heat vents on my router I could convince them to stem the foul tide they were threatening to unleash on my otherwise unsullied by Sandler home. Even if Microsoft are contractually obligated to offer Jack and Jill to Xbox users as some sort of assisted suicide outreach program, the option to initiate the stream should be buried a hundred submenus deep, hidden behind dozens of “Are you sure” buttons, “do you realize what’s going to happen if you keep replying in the affirmative” check boxes and perhaps a dragon. A dragon with a thousand flaming dicks. I’m all for freedom of choice, but sometimes you have to save people from themselves.

I’m trying some new things with my art and posting a bit of the experimenting and progress on my Tumblr. Go follow that thing if you follow such things. Also, I posted this comic with no bubbles since I thought the fire was pretty.

I don’t care about arbitrary webcomic popularity contests, but David does and I don’t want him to win. So go vote for me, or anyone else besides David.

COMMENTERS: Adam Sandler used to make some extremely funny movies in the 90’s. Now it’s like he just wants to watch the world burn. Who else (movies, music or otherwise) used to produce high quality entertainment but traded it in for big money and watered down mass appeal?

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Guest Comic By Lar deSouza https://hijinksensue.com/comic/guest-comic-by-lar-desouza/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/guest-comic-by-lar-desouza/#comments Mon, 20 Feb 2012 05:01:29 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2534

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.  JoCo Cruise Crazy II guest week starts now! I will be on a boat all week with about half of the Internet and a dozen or so of my close friends and at least a handful of my […]]]>

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet. 

JoCo Cruise Crazy II guest week starts now! I will be on a boat all week with about half of the Internet and a dozen or so of my close friends and at least a handful of my creative heroes, and YOU sent me there with your generous participation in my fundraiser! So, thanks for that. What a swell lady or gent or undefinable organism you are. I will karaoke “Come Sail Away” by Styx in your honor. Was I being too presumptuous in classifying you as an organism? I’m trying to be sensitive but at this point I will have been drinking rum punches with dolphins for several days and I should not be held responsible for… well, anything. Of course I am technically writing this the Thursday before I leave, so… now my eyes have gone cross. RUM PUNCH STAT!

It is a safe bet that you aren’t Lar deSouza, which is to say I am not as fond of you as I am of Lar deSouza because I AM SUPER FOND OF LAR DESOUZA! He is essentially the greatest guy. Completely disregarding the fact that he can draw EVERYTHING in nearly any style or configuration, have it look amazing and somehow seem effortless – disregarding all of that – he is one of the most genuine, sweet men I am ever met. Let’s see, you got the talent. You got the sweetness. You got the MIGHTY MIGHTY beard. You got the penchant for wearing fezzes and various other novelty chapeaus. He really has it all… ladies. Also he has a wife… ladies. So whatever you’re thinking… he is probably totally cool with you thinking it AS HARD AS YOU CAN. Maybe even email him some pictures of what you’re thinking of.

Lar was kind enough to contribute a comic for Cruise Guest week, but introduced him to Jonathan Frakes, so that makes us even essentially forever. You can see Lar’s work on Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, on Twitter and you can buy some pretty fantastic prints in his store. I personally recommend this one of all 11 Doctors as bunnies because… well did you read the thing about Doctors and bunnies? I know, right?

COMMENTERS: Perhaps The Doctor is our only hope against The Phantom Menace in 3D. How could he make the movie, nay, the whole prequel trilogy more palatable?

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The Spirit Of Coincidence https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-spirit-of-coincidence/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-spirit-of-coincidence/#comments Thu, 16 Feb 2012 10:12:46 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2541

Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics continue unabated! Or possibly unabashed! Or maybe unabridged. The closer I get to the cruise, the more useless my brain mind is go having. Do you ever get the feeling Nic Cage’s movies are less “planned out films” and more “impromptu documentaries?” Like he has all these problems and vices and bizarre […]]]>

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics continue unabated! Or possibly unabashed! Or maybe unabridged. The closer I get to the cruise, the more useless my brain mind is go having.

Do you ever get the feeling Nic Cage’s movies are less “planned out films” and more “impromptu documentaries?” Like he has all these problems and vices and bizarre situations he get himself into and the only way to exercise the demons from his life is to capture them on film. I’m suggesting that there wasn’t even a script for The Wicker Man, but rather Cage was running around on a island one weekend punching old ladies, stealing children’s bicycles and shoveling handfuls of bees into his mouth just as some quick minded film maker happened to catch it all. A bit of second unit shooting, some creative editing and BAM! Cage movie. Why should Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance be any different? Look at Nic Cage. That is a dude that spends probably 75% of his day almost to entirely on fire. Any director would be a fool NOT to follow him around with a camera for a few days on the off chance he started stealing 50 cars, breaking into an abandoned prison or trading faces with a closeted Scientologist.

The ONLY reason I would ever consider seeing the sequel to Ghost Rider (a movie less “terrible” than it was “just plain boring”) is that it was directed by the duo behind Cranks 1 and 2. These guys seems to know what they are doing when it comes to over the top, “did I actually just see that?” action movies. They make no apologies for lack or story in or incongruity of plot and just GO GO GO GO for the insane shot, the ridiculous stunt and the gratuitous murder sex. I highly recommend listening to the interview regarding the Crank films and Ghost Rider with director Brian Taylor (pictured in the comic above) on the How Did This Get Made? podcast. It’s impossible not to like this guy after hearing him talk about his films and realizing he’s actually right there with you on the whole “that made NO SENSE AT ALL BUT IT WAS AWEOME” situation. He’s totally on your team.

COMMENTERS: Any desire to see Ghost Rider: Vengeance Protocol? How about you post your best “day in the life of Nic Cage” that accidentally got captured on camera and turned into one of his films?

FLORIDA FANCY BASTARDS: If you are headed down to MegaCon in Orlando this weekend, please stop by booth 331 and see my Blind Ferret cohorts. They will have a selection of some of my most popular shirts at the booth including “The Doctor Is In,” “George” and “Winter Is Coming.” Supporting them supports me, so I highly encourage it.

Megacon 2012

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

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She Could Have Had It All https://hijinksensue.com/comic/she-could-have-had-it-all/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/she-could-have-had-it-all/#comments Mon, 13 Feb 2012 10:23:38 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2531

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! [Thanks to @cajunjoel for the tweet that inspired this comic.] This starts off a week of pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics, and will lead into a week of fantastic guest comics from some of my favorite artists and Internet funny types. I watched the Grammy’s Sunday night, which is […]]]>

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Show Us On The Trilogy Where George Hurt You - funny star wars t-shirt, george lucas shirt, star wars parody

[Thanks to @cajunjoel for the tweet that inspired this comic.]

This starts off a week of pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics, and will lead into a week of fantastic guest comics from some of my favorite artists and Internet funny types.

I watched the Grammy’s Sunday night, which is odd since I am extremely disconnected from “the music the kids are listening to these days with the hips hops and the jim-jams and such.” I tuned in right as front Foo Dave Grohl was making an impassioned acceptance speech about how important it is to learn to play a real instrument and really sing into a microphone and not worry about over producing and striving for phony perfection and… he was played off stage by LMFAO. That pretty much distills exactly how I feel about the current state of popular music. I was also rather outraged that domestic abuse not only DOESN’T hurt your chances of winning music’s highest award, but it actually seems to help your odds. Despicable motherfuckers should be treated as the pariahs they are and not like aspirational heroes.

I went on a marathon live tweeting of the Grammy awards presentation and I suspect I lost a few followers. Those that stuck around are my true Fancy Bastards and we could probably share a beer with two straws in real life.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch the Grammys? Do you, like me, think this year’s awards will always be remembered as “The year WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBwuhhhhhhhhhhvrrrrrrrrrWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB made it’s Grammy debut?” Do you identify with modern pop music or are you [also like me] seeking out more and more specialized/obscure music that isn’t fit for the mainstream? Where are you finding it? I am listening almost exclusively to instrumental prog-metal these days. Animals As Leaders has really opened my eyes to a whole slew of bands that I didn’t even know were out there.

Reptilis Rex launches this week!
A new online comic called Reptilis Rex starts this week! It’s about a species of Reptoids that have been living in the hollow Earth all throughout history who, for some reason have to come to the surface and integrate with human society.

The creator, who goes by the admitted pseudonym William Tallman, is one of my favorite cartoonists and a nearly functional human being to boot. Please do support his new effort and share it with your friends. There is already a week’s worth of comics in the archive.

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

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Built Like A Dick Wheelhouse https://hijinksensue.com/comic/built-like-a-dick-wheelhouse/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/built-like-a-dick-wheelhouse/#comments Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:53:18 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2526

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!! My friend Corn Mo tweeted something that inspired this comic. Philip K. Dick is certainly a prolific sci-fi author, but he does dance around four or five core concepts in most of his work. It’s not surprising that the issues he wrote about (paranoia, the definition […]]]>

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

funny scifi parody t-shirt newt 2012 newt for president t-shirt aliens ripley scifi parody

My friend Corn Mo tweeted something that inspired this comic. Philip K. Dick is certainly a prolific sci-fi author, but he does dance around four or five core concepts in most of his work. It’s not surprising that the issues he wrote about (paranoia, the definition of reality, the machinations of the supposed puppet masters behind the curtain, what it means to be human, the threat of war, etc) were the very things that plagued his addled mind. He also had a penchant for overly verbose titles. Had Radiohead’s OK Computer actually been inspired by Dick, I assume it would have been titled Alright, Computer. Let’s Do This Thing. Let’s Get This Show On The Road.

I’ve said before that the concept of a Blade Runner sequel doesn’t offend me. That’s a rich world and I’m sure there are more stories to be told. The idea that Deckard (Harrison Ford) would be in the sequel, however, makes me want to [ZOOM/ENHANCE] SHIT MY LUNGS OUT OF MY FACE. What a great way to completely invalidate one of the most important ambiguous movie endings in all of geek culture. Of course we all KNOW Deckard was a replicant, but the slight nagging voice in the back of our collective minds that says, “Was he? Was he really?” is part of the film’s appeal. I don’t want to see 70 year old Deckard in the sequel hooked up to 100 car batteries with a USB mod-chip plugged into his ear. Doesn’t he realize he’s going to get his IP permanently banned from Repli-net Live?

Of course, Blade Runner is one of those movies with so many OFFICIAL DEFINITIVE FINAL DIRECTOR’S cuts that you can’t even really discuss it in mixed company without first checking Wikipedia and synchronizing your memory watches. Did your version even HAVE a unicorn? No? Then we should probably talk about something else. So how’s about that local news item with the murder and whatever?

COMMENTERS: Is there a Dick story that you would love to see adapted rather than a a sequel to Blade Runner, or did The Matrix Trilogy cover (lift) essentially every original idea that Dick ever proposed (it did). Will you support a Blade Runner sequel WITH Harrison Ford?

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

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Black Magic Woman https://hijinksensue.com/comic/black-magic-woman/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/black-magic-woman/#comments Tue, 07 Feb 2012 08:55:00 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2522

Wizard Pride T-Shirts at Sharksplode!  My friend Dave saw The Woman In Black and experienced a “muggle heckler” as pictured above. Some people are just so clever, they have to share it with a room full of strangers who’ve paid money to concentrate on something else. I am never going to be able to look […]]]>

Wizard Pride T-Shirts at Sharksplode! 

Wizard Pride Shirt, Funny Harry Potter Shirt, Gay Dumbledore shirt, Harry Potter Parody T-Shirt

My friend Dave saw The Woman In Black and experienced a “muggle heckler” as pictured above. Some people are just so clever, they have to share it with a room full of strangers who’ve paid money to concentrate on something else.

I am never going to be able to look at Daniel Radcliffe and NOT see Harry Potter, but I don’t think that means I won’t be able to take him seriously in other roles. I will just have a harder time concentrating on whatever it is he is doing on screen that does not involve horcruxes, hippogriffs and Hagrids. Emma Watson, on the otherhand… well she has that new short haircut… and the soft skin… soooo sooooft… sooooo skinnnnnnn… [eh hem] Yeah, I think her career will be just fine. Then there’s Rupert Grint. Look, Rupe, I know a lot of guys at comic conventions all over the country and I’m sure I can get you brought in as a guest to a few of them. Have your mom call my people.

Oh, and I did something very bad on my Tumblr. 

COMMENTERS: Do you think the Harry Potter kids will be taken seriously as actors beyond their magical personas, or will they get shuffled off into convention circuit oblivion? Who do you think is the best example of a child star overcoming their “big” role? Which actors were you never able to see as anything but the role that made them famous?

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

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Outnumbered 2.35 To 1 https://hijinksensue.com/comic/outnumbered-2-35-to-1/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/outnumbered-2-35-to-1/#comments Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:53:25 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2495

BIG ASS 11×17 PRINTS ARE IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE PRINT SHOP!  You can even get a big ass print of the Doctor Who/ MST3K comic.  I know I’m a late adopter, but I just got my first Blu-Ray player in December. Having amassed and subsequently ripped/server stored/eBay’d a rather sizable DVD collection, I thought I was […]]]>

BIG ASS 11×17 PRINTS ARE IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE PRINT SHOP! 

You can even get a big ass print of the Doctor Who/ MST3K comic. 

I know I’m a late adopter, but I just got my first Blu-Ray player in December. Having amassed and subsequently ripped/server stored/eBay’d a rather sizable DVD collection, I thought I was done purchasing movies via physical media. I bought the player mostly for Netflix, but seeing as it was there and that it had all those P’s (1,080 of them to be precise) I figured I might as well start re-acquiring A) My most favorite/ infinitely rewatchable movies (your Lebowskis, Ghostbusters, Princess Brides, Backs To Futures and such) and B) My most favorite gorgeous/visually stunning films (your Avatars, Fireflied Serenities, various Pixar’d Cartoonicals, Lords Of Some Rings,  and what not). On a lark I threw up about 25 movies on my Amazon wishlist and shit-in-my-biscuits if’n they weren’t nearly all purchased by your magnificent Fancy Bastards within a couple of weeks. Merry happy to me! It was the highest def’d Xmas I’d ever had! Many of them were sent anonymously or only with first names, so if I didn’t thank you directly please know that I am extremely grateful.

A couple of very nice FB’s got me the Lord Of The Rings (Extended) Blu-Ray set for the very Blackest of all Fridays (before we even had the Blu-Ray player), and my wife and I just sat down to watch Fellowship this weekend. I know I am a heretic, but I HAD to zoom that shit in. I can’t stand seeing the black bars taking up 1/3 of my TV. I’m just the type that would much rather see a full 16:9 picture than know exactly what the rest of that one Orc’s shoulder looks like before he movies fully into frame. I realized this type of zoom-happy behavior is a dealbreaker for many of your videophiles, but having crossed the threshold of fatherhood and 30-year-old-hood I find myself giving less and less of a shit about “BUT THAT’S NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO NERRRRRRD!!!” and more about comfort, ease of use and simplicity. Zooming in my Blu-Rays to fill the screen is basically the entertainment equivalent of staying in sweatpants all day. Sure, it doesn’t look as nice, but who’s really gonna know besides me?

COMMENTERS: Is there a particular “accepted nerdy way” of doing things that you just refuse to bend on? Do you rip all your audio in lossless codecs? Do you get twitchy when you see that someone’s surround sound speakers are improperly placed [raises hand]? Have you ever managed to unburden yourself from any of these behaviors to positive results?

All HijiNKS Ensue wallpapers are now available on a “Pay what you like” donation basis. Please consider donating to support HijiNKS Ensue.

TO CURRENT VAULT SUBSCRIBERS: I am currently reworking the Vault and the incentives for donations. I have some really fun stuff to announce, hopefully later this month.

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Lupine Fiasco https://hijinksensue.com/comic/lupine-fiasco/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/lupine-fiasco/#comments Thu, 12 Jan 2012 12:12:42 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2483

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy!  Hell yes, I want to see Liam Neeson punch-fuck a bunch of stupid wolves to death! Is there anything that can’t be improved by having Liam Neeson murder it? The Grey answers that question with a resounding, howling-KrrACK-then-gurgling NO! I would watch a […]]]>

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy! 

Hell yes, I want to see Liam Neeson punch-fuck a bunch of stupid wolves to death! Is there anything that can’t be improved by having Liam Neeson murder it? The Grey answers that question with a resounding, howling-KrrACK-then-gurgling NO! I would watch a cooking show where he murders the animals (NOTE: he does not “hunt” the animals, because that would imply that he needs a license, which implies he needs permission), then just throws their carcasses on a fire for warmth, eventually gnawing off bits of charred meat in order to keep his strength up for the one-man war he’s about to wage on those human trafficers. It could be called “Liam Murders Dinner.”

With all the fairy tale shows and movies getting made (Once Upon A Time, Grimm, Hansel And Gretel: Return To Witch Mountain, Snow White: Live Action Shrek With Julia Roberts and Dead Behind The Eyes Snow White with Kristen Stewart ), why can’t we get a Little Red Riding Hood movie starring Liam Neeson? “I want you to listen to me very closely. The Big Bad Wolf is going to take you. Then he’s going to eat you. I want you to describe every thing you see on the way down.”

COMMENTERS: The first rule of Wolf-punch Club is punch the shit out of some wolves. What other key scenes might be in Wolf Puncher? What sequels or spin-offs might it have? What else is there left for Liam Neeson to punch to death that hasn’t yet been made into a movie?

Some of you have been asking for prints of yesterdays Doctor Who/ MST3K mashup comic. I am working on getting comics prints added back to the store, but in the meantime please email store (at) hijinksensue (dot) com if you’d like that particular print.

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Apparition Stipulation https://hijinksensue.com/comic/apparition-stipulation/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/apparition-stipulation/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 13:23:09 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2446

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU. More alternate subtitles for Mission Impossible 4:  Mission Impossible 4: Ethereal Accord Mission Impossible 4: Phantasm Arrangement Mission Impossible 4: Spectre Covenant Mission Impossible 4: Shadow Proclimation Mission Impossible 4: Spooky Plan Seriously, Tom Cruise. […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

More alternate subtitles for Mission Impossible 4: 

Mission Impossible 4: Ethereal Accord
Mission Impossible 4: Phantasm Arrangement
Mission Impossible 4: Spectre Covenant
Mission Impossible 4: Shadow Proclimation
Mission Impossible 4: Spooky Plan

Seriously, Tom Cruise. What is the deal with being so damned likable in movies, yet so scummy in real life? “Ghost Protocol” even SOUNDS like Scientology jargon. “Margaret has gone against Tech and become a Suppressive Personality. She’ll never achieve Operating Thetan Level 6 now. Engage Ghost Protocol!”  Regardless of Mr. Cruise’s more eccentric beliefs (specifically the ones about all humans being psychically drained by the parasitic souls of ancient aliens that were blown up in giant volcanoes billions of years ago by the galactic overlord Xenu), he makes some damn fine movies.

Well, he stars in and produces some damn fine movies, at least. I feel like the real credit for MI: 4 being an absolute joy of an action movie start to finish goes to Brad Bird and J.J. Abrams. What a freakin’ creative, ultra-geeky team, amirite? Brad Bird directed The Incredibles, which while not Pixar’s best film (that’s a toss up between WALL-E and Toy Story 3), IS there best story/ character piece. And Abrams is almost single handedly responsible for giving geeks a reason to watch TV over the last 6 or 7 years. Honestly, I had no real interest in the Mission Impossible franchise until J.J got involved. In fact, I really don’t even remember the first 2. The third installment, however, is one of my favorite action movies. Phillip Seymour Hoffman just KILLS it as the big bad. When he is telling Tom Cruise what he’s going to do to his wife and family and friends, I really felt like he was completely out of character and completely serious. Like maybe the FBI should tap his phones or something. That dude is probably a murderer. He’s at least drowned a dog or stabbed a few hoboes. Where was I? Oh, yeah. MI: 4: GP: TLDR: JKLOL is loads of fun, has at least three jump-out-of-your-seat-moments and should really be seen in the biggest possible theater (IMAX ’em if ya’ got ’em) to be fully appreciated.

COMMENTERS: Did you see Ghost Protocol? What did you think? Are you struggling with the same conflict over Tom Cruise’s good looks and charm on screen, and dirtbag space religion brainwash scheme off screen?

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Hounded https://hijinksensue.com/comic/hounded/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/hounded/#comments Sun, 25 Dec 2011 10:46:32 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2441

Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE! Ohhhhh [Christmas] fuuuuudge! If I am not careful, A Christmas Story comics might become an annual thing.  In the post for the previous comic, I asked you to reveal your favorite non-traditional Christmas/holiday-times movie (Edward Scissorhands, Die Hard, Over The Top, etc). A Christmas Story is […]]]>

http://store.hijinksensue.com

Groverfield T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE!

Ohhhhh [Christmas] fuuuuudge! If I am not careful, A Christmas Story comics might become an annual thing. 

In the post for the previous comic, I asked you to reveal your favorite non-traditional Christmas/holiday-times movie (Edward Scissorhands, Die Hard, Over The Top, etc). A Christmas Story is my favorite… well, Christmas story, period. The watching of it is, in fact, one of my only Christmas traditions. When it comes on TBS back to back for 24 hours on December 25th, I pretty much set the TV to channel 500,000 or whatever and leave it there until the presents are all opened, the relatives are gone and the leftover pumpkin pie beckons to me like a moist, high calorie Siren. It is surprisingly easy to finish an entire pumpkin pie by yourself in a day or so when you realize it is every bit as much breakfast and lunch as it is an after dinner-pie dessert.

This is most likely the final HE comic of 2011. I offer you my most sincere thanks for your (you Fancy Bastards, that is) continuing support, both emotional and financial. This has certainly been my busiest year and my most exciting one as a professional person that draws bullshit on the Internet. The latter half of this year represents the first time since the inception of HE and the beginning of The Experiment that I have felt a slight release on the constant financial pressure that running a small business based on (again) drawing bullshit on the Internet (and giving it away for free) has presented me with. I am by no means “well off” or “flush with cash” or “a money having type of guy” or “more words in quotes,” but for the first time ever I feel like I am out of the woods, or at least approaching what seems to be a clearing ahead. It feels like if I can somehow manage to keep going at this pace, in a couple of years things will be pretty much OK. That’s a nice feeling. The constant struggle to stay afloat is still very much alive, but now it feels somehow on a larger timeline. It’s more like I’m trying to get to the next year as opposed to wondering how I’m going to pay the mortgage next month.

I say all of that so say this again: Thank you. Thank you all for making 2011 a truly life-changing year for me. Thank you for indulging me, supporting me, and finding some modicum of joy in these weird pictures of mostly dicks that I upload in this space several times a week. The previous sentence is a perfect description of my dream job, and I get to do it every single day because there are geeky weirdos like me all over the world that feel the same dumb feelings I do about TV and movies warp nacelles and TARDISes and what not. There is even a small subset of you that will chuckle when I say “weird pictures of mostly dicks” is Velera III crystalline Microbrain-ese for HijiNKS ENSUE.

See you in 2012, nerds.

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Yippie-Kye-Ay Mr. Falcon https://hijinksensue.com/comic/yippie-kye-ay-mr-falcon/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/yippie-kye-ay-mr-falcon/#comments Sat, 24 Dec 2011 07:33:30 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2438

Michael Keaton’s Jack Frost isn’t counted among the best Christmas movies of all time since, much like The Santa Clause 3, it suffers from canonical issues. A later novel in the expanded Jack Frost universe (the EJFU to us Frosters) revealed that Michael Keaton’s character, Jack, did not actually die in the first movie, but […]]]>

Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Funny geeky shirt, parody, battlestar galactica, twilight, team edward, team jacob

Michael Keaton’s Jack Frost isn’t counted among the best Christmas movies of all time since, much like The Santa Clause 3, it suffers from canonical issues. A later novel in the expanded Jack Frost universe (the EJFU to us Frosters) revealed that Michael Keaton’s character, Jack, did not actually die in the first movie, but instead was placed in transdimensional hyper-stasis by the Intergalactic Frost Lord Gorrab The Most Frigid, and He (not Jack) was the one manipulating the snowman in order to win the trust of Jack’s son, Joseph, whose soul contained the Infinity Starseed – a stellar engine with the ability to forge solar systems or, in the wrong hands, destroy them. It was put there by the Grand Millenials when he was born in order to keep the Starseed hidden from… well you know all of this already. I’m just geeking out. Anyway, considering all of that and the fact that the novelization already reveals that the whole story takes place 100,000 years in the past on an “Earth-like planet,” I don’t think it’s fair to call it a “Christmas movie.”

I have received some very generous gifts from my Amazon Wishlist and from donators in the last couple of weeks. I want to make sure to give big giant holiday-style thanks to Fancy Bastards: Elliot Moss, Cole Parker, Anonymous Ghostbusters gifter, Alyssa Vaughan, Trevor Spratt, Dan & Toni Arthur and whoever purchased all of the Pixar Blu-Rays. Being the father of a 4 year old, I am pretty much primarily on the “giving” side of Xmas, so your gifts were certainly appreciated and made my insides feel all squishy and gross.

COMMENTERS: What is your favorite non-traditional Christmas/holiday movie? Either a movie that takes place during the holidays, but doesn’t focus on them, or a movie that you just love watching every year around that time for whatever reason.

UPDATE 12/29/11:

DAVID WILLIS KEEPS DRAWING ME IN HIS COMICS!!! PLEASE BUY HIS CRUISE FUNDRAISER PRINT (and also THIS ONE) SO HE WILL STOP AND WE CAN GO ON A CRUISE TOGETHER WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT GAY BECAUSE OUR WIVES WILL BE THERE OR MAYBE THEY WON’T I MEAN ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN AT SEA.

REMINDR: I have resurrected my TUMBLR and started things off by posting my giant “How to save Terra Nova” rant (mentioned in this comic’s post) and a free mobile desktop wallpaper of “Dino Jesus.” I have plans for this TUMBLR in 2012 that involve changing some of the ways I offer content and who I offer it to. The basic strategy is more content to more people. I do not see this as being a negative.

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The Zooquels https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-zooquels/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-zooquels/#comments Tue, 20 Dec 2011 11:55:42 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2426

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] Eventually they release a Zoo movie called W3 Bough7 4 2oo, but no one can tell if it’s a prequel or  a sequel. It stars Vin Diesel. This doesn’t qualify as an actual Wheaton comic dare, since Wheaton merely suggested I do something I was […]]]>

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Eventually they release a Zoo movie called W3 Bough7 4 2oo, but no one can tell if it’s a prequel or  a sequel. It stars Vin Diesel.

This doesn’t qualify as an actual Wheaton comic dare, since Wheaton merely suggested I do something I was already going to do and did not invoke the “DARE” command. Our relationship is complex and rife with arbitrary rules.

I’m sure We Bought A Zoo is a fine film about a man that probably buys a zoo, and in fixing up the zoo realizes he is actually fixing himself, or is family or whatever. That said, I had a ridiculous amount of fun dreaming up sequels for it on Twitter a few nights ago. Here are some of my favorites:

We Bought Zoo 2: We Just Can’t Stop Buying Zoos
We Bought A Zoo 2: I’m Going To Flip This Zoo After The Market Rebounds
We Bought A Zoo Too: Who’s Going To Fock All These Zebras? (a sequel to panel 2 above)
We Bought A Zoo Too: A Kangaroo Ate Robin Williams. Fock This Zoo. (a sequel to THAT sequel to panel 2 above)
We Bought a Zoo 3: You Bought ANOTHER Fucking Zoo?! God Damn It. (via @southworth)
We Bought a Zoo 3: There aren’t even 3 zoos within driving distance! We have lost everything to your zoo problem! EVERYTHING!
We Bought A Zoo 2: Zoolander 3
We Bought A Zoo 2: Clearly We Did Not Think This Through. There Is Puma Shit Everywhere And Most Of The Animals Have Died
Oui, Bought A Zoo: We Bought A Zoo in France (via @BillCorbett)
We Bought A Zoo 2: The Zoo Is Coming From Inside The House! Our House Is Literally A Zoo! No Joke! Stop Calling, We Are Closed!

COMMENTERS: Keep it going. Give me your Zooquel title. Alternately, assume the next Zooquel is an action movie and give me your worst zoo-related one liners.

It being holiday-type times and all, I thought I would mention that I have an Amazon wish list. It mostly consists of Blu-Rays right now, since I finally got a Blu-Ray player (mostly to more conveniently stream Netflix). So there’s that if you are interested. If you’d like to send a card or anything else for that matter, the mailing address is on the contact page.

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Slouching Towards Bethlehamster https://hijinksensue.com/comic/slouching-towards-bethlehamster/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/slouching-towards-bethlehamster/#comments Fri, 02 Dec 2011 06:47:45 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2389

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastard should NOT miss it. When I […]]]>

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastard should NOT miss it.

HijiNKS ENSUE at Dragons Lair Webcomic Rampage

When I heard the new TV spot for Alvin & The Chipmunks 3: Chips Ahoy Chipwrecked (heard as opposed to saw because why would I look up?) I did the auditory equivalent of a double-take. Did Alvin actually just quote Charlie Sheen (and all of early 2011 America) by exclaiming, “WINNING!”? Was this anthro-rodent, intended for entertainment consumption by children repeating the mental instability battle cry that propelled one Mr. Carlos Estivez (AKA Charlie Sheen, AKA The Blood Tiger, AKA Charlie Llello, AKA The Hot Shot: Part Douche) into the hearts and fever dreams of the American media?

A few days went by and I started to think that I had misheard, so I went and dug up all five Chipwrecked trailers that have aired since July of this year. “Winning” did not appear in a single one of them. Not only had I completely lost my mind, but worse yet I had to think of a new comic idea. I Googled and Googled until my fingers bled. Then I came up with a search result that might just be the golden despair nugget I had been searching for. It was a Youtube video titled simply “Gaga, Shazam, Winning!” Before clicking the link, I called my lawyer and made sure those words would not only be the only words spoken at my funeral, but also emblazoned across my headstone in Comic Sans. Sure enough “Winning” was cut into a TV spot, but not any of the official trailers. I wonder if it actually appears in the movie. I wonder if Theodore marries a Kardashian or Simon reads from Mein Kampf.

COMMENTERS: What other despicable catch phrases or questionable celebrity acts could The Chipmunks glom onto? What completely inappropriate context could they be used in and what pop song would they sing immediately afterward? Feel free to re-subtitle the movie as well. Also, why did they bother to have celebrities voice all the Chipmunks and Chipettes only to pitch modulate them out of any recognizability?

Bonus Points for giving a premise and title to subsequent Chipmunks movies. Alvin discovers BSDM in Alvin & The Chipmunks 4: Whipmunks and Chains! You’ll BALL your eyes out from laughing until you GAG!

HijiNKS ENSUE The Wolf Den Earwolf PodcastANOTHER THING! I was a guest on Earwolf’s The Wolf Den Podcast. We talk about the beginnings of HE, The Experiment and making a living doing the thing you love doing. I had a fun time, and I think it was a pretty interesting conversation.

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House Of Swine And Frog https://hijinksensue.com/comic/house-of-swine-and-frog/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/house-of-swine-and-frog/#comments Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:27:21 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2382

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy!  Randy from Something*Positive is offering a print of the “The Purring Sea” watercolor he did for this HE guest comic. GO BUY IT! Speaking of Randy, he, I, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s […]]]>

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy! 

Randy from Something*Positive is offering a print of the “The Purring Sea” watercolor he did for this HE guest comic. GO BUY IT!

Speaking of Randy, he, I, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastard should NOT miss it.

HijiNKS ENSUE at Dragons Lair Webcomic Rampage

While I must admit that I viewed it through rainbow connection colored glasses, having grown up with The Muppet Show, Fraggle Rock, Muppet Babies, and basically everything The Henson company put out in the 70’s, 80’s or early 90’s, The Muppets is essentially a perfect movie. When it is funny, it is REALLY funny. The first act as a good LOL at least every 2-3 minutes. Act 2 slows down a bit as we get to the emotional stuff (more of that later ) and act 3 finishes hilariously strong. When I wasn’t laughing, I just had a perma-grin from ear to nostril to nostril to ear. And it wasn’t just that it was funny. It was THE WAY it was funny. There was something genuine about the comedy. Like people of all ages and walks of life would laugh at these jokes because they were just plainly, humanly funny. The comedy was so relatable because it didn’t depend on current trends, or specific references (like HE does ((though HE is for a VERY specific audience)) ). It was universal and timeless.

When things got serious or emotional, it was hard to choke back the tears. When Kermit wonders if anyone really cares about The Muppets any more, you hear the humans behind (or beneath) The Muppets wondering the same thing. When Kermit and Piggy talk about their relationship it doesn’t even seem like a movie (much less one about felt frogs and foam pigs), but rather a real couple trying to figure out if they still need each other.

Jason Siegel and Amy Adams both do a superb job of anchoring the story to reality without getting in the way of the real stars. The humans in the story seem to live in a sort of absurdist reality that straddles the line between Pee Wee’s Playhouse and Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It is a world that allows for Muppets to be real people and for song and dance numbers to break out at any time. Speaking of, all of the songs (penned by Flight Of The Conchords’ Bret MacKenzie) are good, and a few of them are great.

The Muppets is a 2 hour thank you to long time Muppet fans and a love letter to Jim Henson and his legacy, while still being accessible to new audiences. If you have kids that aren’t familiar with The Muppets, I would see it once without them to fully enjoy all of the call backs to Muppet history, then again with the whole family. Then see it again, just because it’s great.

Muppet nerd stuff: 

  • The guy that took over Piggy and Fozzy from Frank Oz does a SPOT ON Piggy and a 90% perfect Fozzy. It was a little eerie.
  • This is the first post-Jim Henson Muppet production where I thought Steve Whitmire’s Kermit REALLY sounded like Kermit. His voice was soft, shaky, unconfident and revealed a character who’s had a couple of decades to reflect on his glory days.
  • They digitally removed all the arm rods! I could not stop looking for them.

I hear Frank Oz thinks they didn’t stay true to the characters. I also hear Frank Oz is a bit of a curmudgeonly dick these days. Does he think the later Star Wars movies were true to the characters? Sure Yoda had some lightsaber battles, but basically everything else was horrible. Frank, you passed the porcine gauntlet on 10 years ago. Stop being a cranky old coot and understand that Jim would have loved this movie and been proud of everyone that made it.

Side Note: There was a time in my childhood where all I wanted in the world was to be a Muppeteer. I practiced puppetry for hours at a time, I studied the techniques for performance that Henson had pioneered, I read books about his history and his work… I was obsessed. I saw in The Muppets the as ultimate escape. They were imagination personified in foam and fabric. I still consider Jim Henson to be one of my largest early influences and doubt I would be drawing silly internet cartoons for a living if not for the characters he created.

COMMENTERS: Did you see The Muppets? What did you think? Were you a fan as a kid? Any particular bits of Muppet history that stick out to this day? Pigs In Space? Veterinarian’s Hospital? Nanny’s crazy-ass socks?

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Wheaton Comic Dare: Sterling Cooper Maverick Goose https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-sterling-cooper-maverick-goose/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-sterling-cooper-maverick-goose/#comments Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:25:17 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2352

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU. Occasionally Wil Wheaton dares me to turn random tweets into comics. This burden, this curse is mine alone to carry. One day I will find a way to break the chains that bind me to the […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

Occasionally Wil Wheaton dares me to turn random tweets into comics. This burden, this curse is mine alone to carry. One day I will find a way to break the chains that bind me to the will of Wheaton, but until then you can benefit from my suffering. That is assuming you have any idea at all what is happening in the above comic. Do you? Can you explain it to me? I blacked out about halfway through drawing it and when I awoke the house was on fire. [He makes me doooo thiiinnnngs… baaaaad thiiiinnngs]

This particular Wheaton comic dare originated from a tweetversation between me and Fancy Bastard @pipsipirate regarding “Top Men” and their relationship to both Top Gun and Mad Men. Highway to the danger zone, indeed. Apparantly Wil Wheaton has my twitterphones tapped or else I retweeted the exchange, because mere moments after the initial transmission he threw down the gauntlet. 

Having completed the challenge and being hardly any worse for the wear [some of my skin has started to grow back], I am now hoping someone far more talented than me will remake the entire Mad Men intro using elements of Top Gun. There’s already all of that falling. The work practically does itself.

HijiNKS ENSUE At Austin ComicCon - Wizard World Austin

AUSTING COMIC CON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! [MORE INFO]
November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley. 

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The Red And Blue Glasses Of Westmarch https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-red-and-blue-glasses-of-westmarch/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-red-and-blue-glasses-of-westmarch/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 22:42:18 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2346

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.  AUSTING COMIC CON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! [MORE INFO] November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley.  The problem with 3D technology in modern cinema is that is it usually an unnecessary add-on designed to create […]]]>

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet. 

HijiNKS ENSUE At Austin ComicCon - Wizard World Austin

AUSTING COMIC CON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! [MORE INFO]
November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley. 

The problem with 3D technology in modern cinema is that is it usually an unnecessary add-on designed to create false buzz and inflate ticket prices. Sure, occasionally a pick-axe or severed appendage will fly out of the screen and into your face, but it doesn’t really add anything to the overall experience. Say what you will about Avatar, but seeing that film in 3D was an experience unto itself. It truly was beautiful and it felt nothing like just “seeing” a movie. It felt like living through an event. I actually read that well-done 3D can trick your brain into storing movies in the place that it would normally store memories of real events. That said, most 3D movies trick your bain into spending money on them, sitting through them then storing the memories in the same place you lock away 4th grade wedgies, 5th grade accidental farts during book reports and 10th grade atomic wedgies.

Avatar showed us what 3D can be in the hands of someone that views it as a story telling medium unto itself, rather than just a gimmick. After watching Peter Jackson’s recent The Hobbit video diary, I feel like we might not be so quick to dismiss 3D as a flash in the pan studio money-grab. The tech he is developing and the techniques they are using to create The Hobbit are truly astounding. First of all they are shooting at 48 FPS (movies are 24FPS and we see around 60FPS) at 5K! That’s nearly 5 times more information than our best HD, being recorded at twice the frame rate. He says in the video that people equate viewing the footage to having the back of the theater cut out, and just watching real event happening on the other side. If that doesn’t get you excited, then your mind has surely been warped and twisted by Sauron. Also, by the last few Final Destination and Saw movies.

Perhaps we should start regulating what movies can and can’t be shot in 3D. Maybe there should be a test, or a review panel consisting of James Cameron, Peter Jackson and “Weird” Al Yankovic.

COMMENTERS: PLEASE WATCH THAT PRODUCTION DIARY! Ok, now are you feeling any sort of increased enthusiasm about 3D? If not, why? Where do you want to see this tech go? Obviously every movie doesn’t need to be in 3D. Where do we draw the line?

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Taking A Stab In The Dark https://hijinksensue.com/comic/taking-a-stab-in-the-dark/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/taking-a-stab-in-the-dark/#comments Sun, 06 Nov 2011 10:33:13 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2340

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards are back! Alternate Horribly Long Horrible Title: Highlander IIb: The Treat Or Trickening: There Can Be Only One Funsize Kit-Kat Per Costumed Child Over the course of the Halloween week (All Hallows Week or Halloweek), I watched John Carptenter’s original Halloween at least thrice (if not fource). I realized I had […]]]>

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards - Zombie cards, star wars cards, Calvin and hobbes Firefly serenity cards, Hobo Santa Cards

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards are back!

Alternate Horribly Long Horrible Title: Highlander IIb: The Treat Or Trickening: There Can Be Only One Funsize Kit-Kat Per Costumed Child

Over the course of the Halloween week (All Hallows Week or Halloweek), I watched John Carptenter’s original Halloween at least thrice (if not fource). I realized I had never seen the first one all the way through, and decided to correct that error several times over in a very short time span apparently. Whatever channel I was watching skipped Halloween 2 and went straight for Halloween 3: Season Of The Witch. After seeing that this movie A) Did not feature Michael Myers, B) DID feature evil rubber masks that murder children with Celtic magic, and C) Shared most of its name with a Nic Cage film from the tail end of his “I owe millions in back taxes tour,” I decided to do a little research.

Dozens of minutes of Wiki’ing later and I learned that the Halloween franchise suffered greatly from its initial success (to this day Halloween is possibly the highest grossing independent film of all time), and never quite replicated the original’s universally positive reception or cultural impact. Also there was that killer rubber mask thing. Jamie Lee Curtis’s character was killed off, then brought back, but no one bothered to tie up all the loose ends surrounding her resurrection so Halloween’s 3-6 are now regarded as “mostly out of canon.” During those “lost years” Michael is given a backstory that involves an ancient Celtic cult and a blood sacrifice which is what leads Michael to turn evil, invincible and homicidal, yet never able to accelerate past a modest amble.

When I was nine years old, we watched Halloween 4 at a friend’s slumber party. It was my first foray into the series and I was incredibly confused as to why the killer shared a name with the star of Wayne’s World. Considering The Love Guru, I’m not sure which Michael Myers was the greater threat. I’d like to see Mike Myers as Michael Myers in Halloween IX: Some Folks Call It  A Shwing Blade.

COMMENTERS: Was it a mistake to actually try and make sense of a horror franchise’s plot continuity? Should I just enjoy the splatter, boobs and splattered boobs? Which long running horror franchise took the weirdest turn plot-wise? What were your favorite horror/slasher films as a kid, and do they hold up to scrutiny now?

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The Black Shakes https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-black-shakes/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-black-shakes/#comments Sat, 05 Nov 2011 21:46:02 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2338

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards are back! Holy crap in a sack of butts, I had totally forgotten how terrible Johnny Mnemonic was. I mean, I remembered that it was bad, but having not seen it since I was 14, I did not specifically remember that nearly every line was was both written and delivered with […]]]>

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards - Zombie cards, star wars cards, Calvin and hobbes Firefly serenity cards, Hobo Santa Cards

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards are back!

Holy crap in a sack of butts, I had totally forgotten how terrible Johnny Mnemonic was. I mean, I remembered that it was bad, but having not seen it since I was 14, I did not specifically remember that nearly every line was was both written and delivered with equal parts inappropriate intensity and laughable incoherence . And William Gibson actually wrote the screenplay! Aren’t we supposed to like him? I actually find it quite fitting that the first time I saw Johnny… just Johnny, it was on laser disc. A movie about a future that looks like a past that never was on a format of future past that never caught on and totally sucked balls. To be fair, I’m pretty sure I loved it when I was 14 (loved the concept of laser disc too), but after years of reflection and re-evaluation I realized what a colossal cyber-turd it was.

The one thing I appreciate of Keanu Colonic is how accurately it portrayed what 90’s youth expected the future to be like, and just how inaccurate that prediction was. It’s a sort of beautiful symmetry of wrongness. We don’t use clunky V.R. goggles to surf a 3D cyberscape, and we aren’t so addicted to technology that it… [sorry, had to check Twitter] that it… something something. I also appreciate that Ice-T’s character’s name was J-Bone. I like to think that he had a clause in his contracts back then which stated he would only go by “hard sounding” single syllable word + letter of the alphabet combinations. He might have portrayed a car jacker named D-Rock, a crooked undercover cop named Cuff-P or a cellist pimp named F-Hole.

“So get your VCRs ready, ’cause we got what you need.”

COMMENTERS: Feel free to share your memories of Johhny Mnemonic or any other “Future that never was” type of 80’s or 90’s movie. What were you hoping WOULD come to pass from these movies and what are you glad NEVER caught on? Alternately, give me a premise and character name for another Ice-T role using the “word-letter” rules.

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Something Strange And It Don’t Look Good https://hijinksensue.com/comic/something-strange-and-it-dont-look-good/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/something-strange-and-it-dont-look-good/#comments Mon, 31 Oct 2011 20:00:19 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2328

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! “Seriously! Who is that young ghost dude with the Sith-eating grin on his face? I’ve never seen him before in my life.” I know I typically dress up the HE characters for HE-ween, but since I already did that for the “Fancy Bastards Assemble” print just last […]]]>

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Show Us On The Trilogy Where George Hurt You - funny star wars t-shirt, george lucas shirt, star wars parody

“Seriously! Who is that young ghost dude with the Sith-eating grin on his face? I’ve never seen him before in my life.”

I know I typically dress up the HE characters for HE-ween, but since I already did that for the “Fancy Bastards Assemble” print just last week I thought I would go in a different direction. Honestly, I was trying to figure out how to do this comic as a “costumes” gag, but in the end it just seemed forced. Either way, just remember that if the light’s green, the droid’s clean.

COMMENTERS: What were you for Halloween (besides drunk)? Feel free to post links to pics of your costumes in the comments. Any particularly fantastic Halloween costume stories? Kiddo wanted to be a ghost, so the wife and I made a SPOOKtacle of a costume, though it doesn’t top our homemade “Boo” costume from a few years back.

Josh IRL went as a character from his company’s game Borderlands called Salvador.

Borderlands Salvador Halloween Costume By Josh Jeffcoat

[more pics here]

I have no idea how he cell shaded himself (which is different than blue-ing oneself). He’s come such a long way since Gaytos.

BONUS COMIC: Since he is still without power I decided to send Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content a guest comic. It features a character he, Randy and I created last year  in Austin, TX named Sergei. All you need to know about Sergei is he is a man of means. Whatever you need, he can get it. Or something close to it.

Questionable Content Guest Comic - Sergei - by Joel Watson Of Hijinks ENSUE

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So Much Ado, So Little Time https://hijinksensue.com/comic/so-much-ado-so-little-time/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/so-much-ado-so-little-time/#comments Fri, 28 Oct 2011 22:24:58 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2326

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU. [For the confusified…] The man is a machine! And not the “rise up and destroy humanity” kind. He’s more the “I’m making the biggest super hero movie of all time, but I’ve got a weekend […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

[For the confusified…]

The man is a machine! And not the “rise up and destroy humanity” kind. He’s more the “I’m making the biggest super hero movie of all time, but I’ve got a weekend off so I guess I gather up all my geek actor friends and make a different movie” kind of machine. I’m not sure of which type I should be more afraid. I mean, as long as Joss Whedon has positive outlets in which to channel his remarkable drive and creativity, I think we’re more or less safe. But what if we have another writers’ strike or some kind of worldwide moratorium on filmed geekiness? What then? I’m talking doomsday devices, cyborg armies, skyscraper-sized monitors barking quipy dialog and cardigans… CARDIGANS FOR ALL! Can the humanity survive a ginger despot with endless supplies of both imagination and ambition? You know how he likes to kill off characters.

COMMENTERS: Whedon came up with the Buffy musical because he and the cast would sit around and play songs and have sing alongs. He made “Much Ado” because he would host impromptu Shakespeare readings at his home. What other “me and my buddies” hangin’ out activity do you think Joss should make a movie about next? Backyard BBQ with Neil Patrick Harris (OMGWTFBBQNPH)? Alternately, what other public domain work would you like to see Whedon adapt?

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Fancy Bastards Assemble! https://hijinksensue.com/comic/fancy-bastards-assemble/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/fancy-bastards-assemble/#comments Tue, 25 Oct 2011 11:17:29 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2320

FANCY BASTARDS ASSEMBLE! Here’s your chance to help me do something very special for my family and in return get something very special of your own. SHORT VERSION: For $35 you (and 99 other Fancy Bastards) will get the “Fancy Bastards Assemble!” 11″x 17″ print, plus an additional signed, large sized 11″x 17″ print of […]]]>

FANCY BASTARDS ASSEMBLE! Here’s your chance to help me do something very special for my family and in return get something very special of your own.

SHORT VERSION: For $35 you (and 99 other Fancy Bastards) will get the “Fancy Bastards Assemble!” 11″x 17″ print, plus an additional signed, large sized 11″x 17″ print of your choice (“The Doctor Is In,” “Winter Is Coming” or “Yatta Bub!”). For $55 you can get all 4 prints! As I get closer to the goal I will reveal more of the characters on the limited print HERE ON THIS PAGE.

CLICK HERE TO ORDER! [SOLD OUT]

LONG VERSION: Being self employed has many rewards: no set hours, no boss, no commute, but it also has its drawbacks: no healthcare, no steady paycheck and NO VACATION! With your help I aim to do something about that last one. My wife and I haven’t been on a real, adult vacation since our honeymoon 7 years ago. We have set a goal of joining the Sea Monkeys of JoCo Cruise Crazy 2. Unfortunately this is AN INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE GOAL. We need to raise $3500 for the trip. To that end, I have created a limited (to only 100), signed and numbered print featuring the HE cast as a familiar super hero team.

EXPANDED VERSION: At least a dozen of my friends, and a dozen more people I greatly admire and would like to become friends with are going on this cruise. Last year they had such an amazing time THEY ALL STILL TALK ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY. I want to share in this communal geek experience at sea, and I want to share it with my family. If you can help me achieve this goal I will (continue to) be eternally grateful. Plus you get a some fancy wall art out of the deal. Everyone wins.

UPDATE 10/26/11: HOLY EFFING ESS OUT MY AYY! 60/100 Print packs are already gone! I thought this was going to take weeks, not hours. I am completely floored. I have just revealed two more characters. The final 3 will be unveiled when we reach the 100/100 goal. Giant happy thanks to all those that have ordered so far!

UPDATE AGAIN: WOW! There are only 3 print packs left as of this writing. I have updated the comic with Josh in all his hulking glory and will add the last two after the final 3 are sold. Thank you guys so much for the wonderful support.

UPDATE 10/27/11: All 100 print packs are sold out! I expected this to take weeks if not months instead of days. I have to escalate the production and shipping schedule accordingly. I will add the last couple of characters to the comic/print in the next few days. Thank you all so much for the support! If you didn’t get a chance to order before they sold out, I might make the 3 bonus prints available in a pack for $30 if there is any interest.

UPDATE 11/2/11: The final two Fancy Bastards are revealed. Wil Wheaton and Mikey Neumann! Wil is just this guy, you know? And Mikey is the creative director of Gearbox Software (Brothers In Arms, Borderlands, Aliens: Colonial Marines). Mikey previously appeared on HE in THIS comic. He assumes the guise of Director Fury since, after surviving a stroke, he actually wears an eyepatch from time to time.

For those of you that didn’t get a chance to order one of the 100 limited prints, you can donate any amount and get a desktop wallpaper of this image in THE VAULT.

HijiNKS ENSUE Fancy Bastards Assemble Desktop

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Far Beyond Driven https://hijinksensue.com/comic/far-beyond-driven/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/far-beyond-driven/#comments Mon, 03 Oct 2011 22:10:26 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2281

UPDATE: “Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] On our rare kidless night off, I took my wife to see Drive. I was completely ready to write it off as as substituted-Statham drive/murder/fuck movie [hell, one of those words IS the title of the film], but the reviews I […]]]>

UPDATE: “Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]


On our rare kidless night off, I took my wife to see Drive. I was completely ready to write it off as as substituted-Statham drive/murder/fuck movie [hell, one of those words IS the title of the film], but the reviews I was seeing were surprisingly positive. Given the lack of other options in the cinema we gave took Drive for a test [PUN REDACTED]. I was quite surprised. A) Because they movie we saw and the movie that had been advertised had essentially NOTHING to do with each other. They seriously took the entire trailer from the first 15 minutes of the film which contains the only “anonymous crime driver for hire” sequence in the entire movie. And B) It was actually quite good.

Drive is a very slow, very thoughtful art house film. Not at all the ACTION-SPEED-MURDER-SEXcapade I had been lead to believe. Ryan Gosling has maybe six lines in the entire thing. I imagine 110 pages of his script just said “Ok, now look at her slyly, kinda bashfully, but also a little intimidating like you got something to hide.” The other 10 pages said “STAB THAT GUY IN THE NECK AND GET BATHED IN A FOUNTAIN OF HIS ARTERIAL BLOOD!!!” You see, that’s the other thing about Drive that made it… unique? You come in expecting bullets and blood in every scene, but instead you get a beautifully shot love story, sparse dialog, all at a relaxed pace. This serves to lull you into a false sense of calm, then SKLEEEESH! It’s knife time.

The violence in Drive is so unexpected, so infrequent and so brutal that you remember each and every act for a lot longer than you want to. The killings stick with you and keep you uncomfortable for at least as long as it takes to get to the next one. Only 5 or 6 people die in this movie and all of them do so in a spectacularly unsettling fashion. One death in particular still skeeves me out.

All of that said, I highly recommend it. Just know what you’re getting into.

STORE NEWS: The “Winter Is Coming” shirt should be in the store tonight or tomorrow. I’m excited.

ANOTHER THING: After a power surge last week, my file server (the one that holds all of my HE-related files) died (despite being plugged into a heavy duty surge supressor). The drives were OK but I have to buy a new enclosure ($150) to access them over my network. The same day I found out a miscalibration of our sprinkler system made our water bill for this month $200 more than we were expecting. So $350 I don’t really have just flew out the window. If you were considering donating to support HijiNKS ENSUE, doing so now would be SUPER APPRECIATED.  Donors get access to all of the desktops, audio and other goodies in The Vault. Just make a donation of any amount, or sign up for a recurring donation subscription and you’ll get access.

Thanks!
~Joel

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Drac-doula https://hijinksensue.com/comic/drac-doula/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/drac-doula/#comments Fri, 16 Sep 2011 01:19:03 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2257

Alternate Title: Emergency V-Section The only thing I know for sure about Twilight: Breaking Dawn is that the director own’s one of my Team Edward shirts, because his partner bought it for him at Comic-Con this year. He was a nice guy (the partner, never met the director) and apparently he bought most of the BSG props […]]]>

Alternate Title: Emergency V-Section

The only thing I know for sure about Twilight: Breaking Dawn is that the director own’s one of my Team Edward shirts, because his partner bought it for him at Comic-Con this year. He was a nice guy (the partner, never met the director) and apparently he bought most of the BSG props when they went up for auction. I’m talking hatch doors, the CIC table, the phones, the computers, everything. So that’s pretty neat.

Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Funny geeky shirt, parody, battlestar galactica, twilight, team edward, team jacob

COMMENTERS: What scene in any movie has really surprised you with how uncomfortable it made you feel? Doesn’t have to be horror or gore. Just anything that was completely out of place, over the top or beyond the boundaries established earlier in the film.

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They Get The SPACE… MADNESS! https://hijinksensue.com/comic/they-get-the-space-madness/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/they-get-the-space-madness/#comments Wed, 14 Sep 2011 04:55:05 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2255

Why did I make this comic? Event Horizon is neither recent, nor topical, nor good, nor not terrible. I’ll tell you why [I’ll teach your grandmother to suck eggs]. It came on TV a few days ago and I, having not seen it in over a decade, remembering it was awful, but not remember exactly […]]]>

Why did I make this comic? Event Horizon is neither recent, nor topical, nor good, nor not terrible. I’ll tell you why [I’ll teach your grandmother to suck eggs]. It came on TV a few days ago and I, having not seen it in over a decade, remembering it was awful, but not remember exactly WHY it was awful, watched it in its entirety. It was then that I learned the dark secret of the movie about a spaceship that takes you to hell. The movie itself does the same thing.

For the first 5 minutes or so, it seems like you’re going to get some decent, self-contained sci-fi, then almost immediately and with no provocation everything turns bat-tits and the ship, which is also the Devil [spoilers] shows everyone creepy visions until they kill themselves or each other. Luckily the movie seem to give you a blue print for how to escape its life-suck field by constantly showing you people that have mellon balled their eyes out. It’s an easter egg that says, “Want to escape with your will to live in tact? Well pluck our your eyes and run a crossbow bolt through your ear canal like a toilet snake.”

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this littler operation going.

The only thing I was able to enjoy about Event Horizon was figuring out who the “before they were kind of famous” supporting cast were. The ship’s crew consisted of the mom/wife from Nip/Tuck, Lucious Malfoy, the kid from Mtv’s Dead At 21, the FBI dude from Terminator: TSCC (who seemed to be doing a fairly spot on Denzel impression the entire time) and a lady who I kind of remember from Prison Break.

If you haven’t seen Event Horizon in a while, or ever, PLEASE do not make any attempt to change that. You will seriously be carving off chunks of your own face before it’s over. Instead, maybe go check out Pandorum. It’s got the same creepy spaceship vibe + maybe there’s a monster, maybe just a killer type of situation and, in my opinion, it’s executed really well for a fairly low budget space-horror flick.

COMMENTERS: Is space-horror a genre now? Other than the ALIEN franchise what other films fit? I suppose 2001 does. The Predator and AVP franchises probably qualify more as action than horror. Something to think about.

Speaking of Event Horizon, my friend Corn Mo made a damn fine rock and roll song about that terrible sack of space-shit. Here’s a VIDEO for it.

Speaking for Corn Mo, if you like A Gamge Of Thrones and songs, he has gone to the trouble of combining them for you. Two great tastes that taste bleek and ominous together! Video HERE. Buy the song HERE.

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Kids With The Fluxed Up Kicks https://hijinksensue.com/comic/kids-with-the-fluxed-up-kicks/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/kids-with-the-fluxed-up-kicks/#comments Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:09:22 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2253

Alternate Title: “The Prestige” The year 2015, otherwise known as THE FUTURE, is rapidly approaching and before it gets here I have two questions: 1)What exactly happens to us as a society in the next 4 years that leads to flying cars, hover boards, dustless paper, advanced de-aging treatments and simultaneously gives us shittier TV […]]]>

Alternate Title: “The Prestige”

The year 2015, otherwise known as THE FUTURE, is rapidly approaching and before it gets here I have two questions: 1)What exactly happens to us as a society in the next 4 years that leads to flying cars, hover boards, dustless paper, advanced de-aging treatments and simultaneously gives us shittier TV picture quality, sub par vector holograms, crappy cell phone/sunglasses headsets and gets us back to using fax machines in nearly every room of the house? I can only assume we discover cold fusion and, on the same day, a techno-organic virus wipes out at least half of all technology created after 1994.

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this littler operation going.

2) Sure the Nike Air Mags worn by Marty McFly in Back To The Future II SEEM really cool in the context of the film, but are we forgetting that these were NOT Marty’s shoes? They were Marty McFly JUNIOR’s shoes. And Junior was, to use the future parlance, a butthead. Since when does the biggest dweeb have the most awesome shoes? I foresee only two explanations. Either Mags were cool a few years prior and he is the one kid that’s all “Dudes! I finally got me some Mags! Can we all be bros now?” and they’re all “Mags are SO 2013, McFly, you insufferable butthead.” OR the concept of power laces was invented to help kids with poor motor control due to birth defects caused by your father probably having banged his own mother in the past thus causing him to be HIS own father and both your father and grandfather.

I mean, come on! Marty Sr. looks and acts exactly like… Marty [himself, the strange sea-faring drifter from 1955] and nothing like George McFly. And you know Lorraine was harboring some feelings for her childhood fling when she named her child after him. The fact that both Marty Jr. and his sister don’t just resemble but have THE EXACT SAME FACE as Marty Sr. proves that gene pool has a nice layer of paradoxical incest-algae floating on top of it. Who knows? Maybe it all really started when Marty banged some 1850’s prostitute while rescuing Doc from the old west who turned out to be his maternal great grandmother.

[DOCTOR WHO SEASON 6 SPOILERS] Time does crazy things to the in vitro human body. Hell, Amy’s and Rory’s kid turned out to be half Time Lord just because they got busy inside a TARDIS. [/DOCTOR WHO SEASON 6 SPOILERS] Can you imagine what Marty’s constant time stream surfing has done to his poor man-onaise? He probably ejaculates a purple florescent magnetic gel. Speaking of Time Lords, I was going to call this comic “Wibbly Wobbly Marty Warty” but then I realized it sounded like I was making fun of Michael J. Fox. If you laughed at that last sentence (as I did), you are terrible.

COMMENTERS: When I was a kid I said a little prayer each night that EVERYTHING shown in BTTF2‘s 2015 would come to pass. Now I just pine for hoverboards. What future tech from a movie or TV show were you really hoping we would have by now? What are you still holding out hope for?

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Wheaton Comic Dare: Your Last Lachance https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-your-last-lachance/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-your-last-lachance/#comments Fri, 09 Sep 2011 20:51:30 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2249

Wil Wheaton wields a power most terrible. The power to dare me to turn Tweets into comics. Should you fear this power? Most definitely. More than you fear the awakening of The Beard? Probably not. That sounds like bad news for everybody. I somehow found myself watching John Cusack in 1408 a couple of nights […]]]>

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

Wil Wheaton wields a power most terrible. The power to dare me to turn Tweets into comics. Should you fear this power? Most definitely. More than you fear the awakening of The Beard? Probably not. That sounds like bad news for everybody.

I somehow found myself watching John Cusack in 1408 a couple of nights ago, and I may never forgive… well anyone. It seems that when Cusack makes movies with numbers for titles we are all made to suffer.

COMMENTERS: Will you submit to the will of The Beard? Do you think you have any choice in the matter? SPOILERS: You don’t.

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The Cranksport ‘Em Up https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-cranksport-em-up/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-cranksport-em-up/#comments Mon, 05 Sep 2011 04:27:25 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2243

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up! Those of you that follow me on Twitter saw this comic get written in real time earlier tonight as I watched the trailer […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up!

Three Wheaton Moon T-Shirt, Funny Three Wolf Moon Parody, Wil Wheaton T-Shirt, 3 Wil Wheaton Moon, Clown Sweater, Wesley Crusher, Evil Wil Wheaton

Those of you that follow me on Twitter saw this comic get written in real time earlier tonight as I watched the trailer for Killer Elite. I like that “Jason Statham Movie” is a genre unto itself now. I imagine some Hollywood producer saying, “We should really make a Jason Statham movie this summer. But who should we get to star in it?”

Commenters: Using the formula illustrated in the panels above, please pitch your own Statham/Owen movie. Points will be awarded for escalating absurdity.

HEY LOOK!: You asked for it, so I added a “Winter Is Coming” desktop to The Vault. I’ve also added “Chibi Wolverine” and “Three Wheaton Moon” desktops as well. Just make a donation of any amount, or sign up for a recurring donation subscription and you’ll get access. I’ve also added mobile versions of these desktops HERE.

 

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Houston, We Have Plausible Deniability https://hijinksensue.com/comic/houston-we-have-plausible-deniability/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/houston-we-have-plausible-deniability/#comments Sat, 03 Sep 2011 00:40:08 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2241

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!! While waiting for a show to start at C2E2 in Chicago this year, I saw the trailer for Apollo 18 at least a dozen times. Every single time I thought it was for Transformers: Turn Off The Moon (In Space No One Can […]]]>

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

While waiting for a show to start at C2E2 in Chicago this year, I saw the trailer for Apollo 18 at least a dozen times. Every single time I thought it was for Transformers: Turn Off The Moon (In Space No One Can Hear You Yawn) – Moonraker: The Long Dark Teatime Of The Soul. Hollywood is obsessed with NASA accidentally leaving stuff on the moon and not telling people about it.

ANOTHER THING: “Winter Is Coming” shirts are being printed now and will be in the store soon.

COMMENTERS: Did you see Apollo 18 this weekend? Any good? Not going to see it? Why? For me it’s a “wait for rental” type of situation.

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The Consummate Tweaker https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-consummate-tweaker/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-consummate-tweaker/#comments Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:20:07 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2237

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!! I’m not even mad at George Lucas any more. He’s successfully divorced me from all personal ownership or warm feelings I had towards Star Wars and turned the franchise into this weird, abstract pop-culture punchline. No other film or series of films have […]]]>

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

I’m not even mad at George Lucas any more. He’s successfully divorced me from all personal ownership or warm feelings I had towards Star Wars and turned the franchise into this weird, abstract pop-culture punchline. No other film or series of films have managed to remain in a constant state of flux like Star Wars has. Lucas should just append the word “beta” at the end of each title. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back v. 4.38 beta. Fuck, maybe we’re still in the alpha releases and our grandkids will be the first to run a stable Star Wars build. Either way, I’ve quit my job as a beta tester. I’m bored with having my fandom experimented on.

I hope, just for giggles, Lucas replaces Yoda’s voice with the sound of air escaping a ballon, and replaces every instance of Kiera Knightley/Amidala with Natalie Portman/Amidala and vice versa. You know, just to do it. Maybe by the time the whole series is released on holographic suppository, he’ll have done the fans a favor and digitally added a thousand sand-piranha that are constantly eating Jar Jar’s flesh in every scene.

UPDATE:

 

 

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One Louder https://hijinksensue.com/comic/one-louder/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/one-louder/#comments Tue, 23 Aug 2011 06:47:30 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2227

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!! Where can you go from there? Where? No where? Exactly. Hooray for making comics with multiple obscure seemingly unrelated references that exactly not quite 5% of you will get [Kermit Arms]!!! This one has been in my idea file for a while and getting […]]]>

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

Where can you go from there? Where? No where? Exactly.

Hooray for making comics with multiple obscure seemingly unrelated references that exactly not quite 5% of you will get [Kermit Arms]!!! This one has been in my idea file for a while and getting it out of my system will allow me to move on a healthier, more reader-accessible direction. I appreciate you bearing with me during this difficult time(y wimey).

If you are going to be at PAX this week, please go see my buddy Wil and get a signed poster based on our Three Wheaton Moon shirt. He will, at some point, be wearing the shirt and you will have a fleeting opportunity to bask in its majesty.

COMMENTERS: Are you as excited-pants as I am for the return of Doctor Who? [SPOILERS] You are not. [/SPOILERS]


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Curiosity Kills https://hijinksensue.com/comic/curiosity-kills/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/curiosity-kills/#comments Sat, 06 Aug 2011 00:17:44 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2201

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon. […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon.

I’m probably going to go see this Rise Of The Planet of The Apes movie. I hope it’s better than the last one with Marky Mark and Chimpraham Lincoln.

I worked really hard to recreate the style of the classic Curious George books. I hope you enjoy that aspect of the comic. I watch a lot of the current Curious George series with my daughter being that it is infinitely more palatable than your Doras and Diegos and such. One thing that always confuses me is how often people are leaving George in charge of their store or their restaurant while they go run errands. There’s a lot of, “Now George, keep an eye on the store while I’m gone and don’t get into any trouble.” What? What?! He’s a god damn monkey? The moment your back is turned he’s throwing poo at your customers and having sex with your cash register.

Maybe this is how it all starts. First we let them mind our stores, and pizza parlors and hair salons. Next they are throwing school busses into helicopters and running for political office. We need to do what we can to keep these apes oppressed. Next time you see a monkey, look it right in the eyes and call it a shit head. Maybe throw a rock at it. And taped to the rock is a note that says, “Hey Monkey. You’re a shithead.” We’ll know if they are getting too smart if they start throwing the rocks back with new notes that say, “Nah uh! You are!”

COMMENTERS: You going to see this Ape film?

Dallas Fancy Bastards! I am going to be at STRIP: The Dallas Webcomic Expo this Saturday [August 6th] from 10-5pm. It’s only $5 to get in. Come get a book or a sketch. It’s a very low key show and I’ll probably be doing a fun times panel with the dude from Cyanide and Happiness.

AC DEATH UPDATE: As some of you know, my AC died last week and living without AC in Texas is not an option. Buying a replacement unit is $3000 (all of which I do not have). If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode. In the last week you wonderful Fancy Bastards have already donated nearly $800 towards the AC repairs. Thank you so very much. Your generosity means so much to me and my family.

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Check And Mate https://hijinksensue.com/comic/check-and-mate/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/check-and-mate/#comments Mon, 01 Aug 2011 22:35:25 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2192

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. You know that thing where you try to make fun of a stupid movie premise by assuming the absolute dumbest thing they could possibly do with the source material, and then they ruin […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

You know that thing where you try to make fun of a stupid movie premise by assuming the absolute dumbest thing they could possibly do with the source material, and then they ruin all your fun by actually doing that thing? Yeah, that really sucks the life out of a joke.

Just to be clear: in Battleship, which is a REAL board game-based movie that is REALLY coming out next year, the alien spaceship shoots pegs into the battleships. For actual really for real. [click image to embiggen]

Dallas Fancy Bastards! I am going to be at STRIP: The Dallas Webcomic Expo this Saturday [August 6th] from 10-5pm. It’s only $5 to get in. Come get a book or a sketch. It’s a very low key show and I’ll probably be doing a fun times panel with the dude from Cyanide and Happiness.

I am also going to be attending the Marian Call concert tomorrow night (Tuesday the 2nd) at Poor David’s Pub in Dallas. You should come.

Last thing: My AC died today and living without AC in Texas is not an option. The new unit is costing me $3000. SPOILERS: I don’t have 1 thousand of dollars, let alone 3 of them. If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode.

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Live By The Sword https://hijinksensue.com/comic/live-by-the-sword/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/live-by-the-sword/#comments Tue, 19 Jul 2011 23:02:32 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2179

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!! The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will be shipping after we all get back from Comic-Con. I saw Deathly Hallows Part 2 over the weekend with […]]]>

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will be shipping after we all get back from Comic-Con.

I saw Deathly Hallows Part 2 over the weekend with my wife. This is the first Harry Potter movie (maybe the 2nd) we’ve seen together since she finished reading the entire series. We’ve always been super compatible. We never argue, we want the same things, we like the same shows, but now… now that she’s ready Harry Potter… I feel like we finally speak the same language. We finally understand each other. [Some joking may have been involved in that last statement. Some.]

Despite the 4 year old kicking the back of my seat for nearly the entire film (SERIOUSLY?! Who brings a 4 year old to a movie with such nightmare inducing imagery and extreme violence? Way to go awesome parents!), I was completely satisfied with the ending to franchise. As the comic above shows (in stark contrast to my sentiments from this comic), Neville finally came into his own as a character. There has always been this shadow over his head of “I could have totally been the chosen one, if Voldemort had carried the 1 instead of dividing by 2.” He lived through an equally life shattering childhood tragedy and the only real difference between him and Harry was that everyone was constantly telling Harry how great he was and/or trying to kill him. Neville might have made a better chosen one than Mr. Potter had he been given the chance, but that sort of illustrates the point of the entire story, isn’t it? Harry wasn’t all that special until Voldemort made him special. Who we are and who people think we are/expect us to be are rarely the same person. Harry’s entire life was a series of terrible things happening and him somehow trying to find the will to move forward. The only way to know if Neville would have made the choices or “done it in 4 books” instead of 7, would be to go back 18 years and have Voldemort visit his house instead of Harry’s. Weird rant: over.

The thing I love so much about Harry Potter is that it makes me think about things like the previous paragraph. It makes me dwell on character motivations, strengths, flaws, etc. I think the hallmark of a great story is how many questions you ask after finishing it, not out of frustration, but out of a desire to know more about the world you were just visiting. For instance, just 2 days ago I had a conversation on twitter about why Draco is such a miserable piece of shit. Now that the movies are done I feel the same sort of diminished anticipation I did after finishing the books. A sort of “now what?” type of emptiness.

A few things about the movie itself: Every single time Raplh Fiennes opens his mouth, his presence dominates the scene. Ever line he delivers has such gravitas. The way he delivers the killing curse is so guttural and powerful. Kind of like, “AVARDAGHHH KADAAAGHGHGHGHGH!!!!” CG enyoungened Snape is not NEARLY as creepy has CG enyoungened Jeff Bridges. CG/Prosthetically beoldended Harry looked pretty decent. Ginny still looked 12. I know wizards just pretend technology doesn’t exists, but if just one of them picked up a gun I have a feeling the duels wouldn’t last nearly as long. Speaking of duels: the “clashing wands” green and red effect from these movies is one of my favorite special effects of all time. It carries so much more impact that “my light beam and your light beam are stuck together.” It’s like molten rock spilling out of the air. Just perfect. Are there wizarding public schools? These fancy Hogwarts kids only see their family’s for 2 months out of the year for 7 years. That seems insane.

I cried at least 4 times during Deathly Hallow Part 2. I’m so glad they broke this one up rather than leave a ton of essential plot elements out. It was a really fantastic end to the series.

San Diego Comic-Con is this week! I will be with Ryan and Lar and Danielle at the Blind Ferret Booth [Booth 1332] in the Webcomic area. I will have books 1 and 2, prints, sketch cards, stickers and nearly all of my shirts.

If you are going to be at the show, please come by booth 1332 and say hi. I will be the one going on 2 hours of sleep and propping my self up against Lar deSouza.

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Although Nothing Seems Right https://hijinksensue.com/comic/although-nothing-seems-right/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/although-nothing-seems-right/#comments Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:01:31 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2169

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here! San Diego ComiCon is in a week! I will be with Ryan and Lar and Danielle at the Blind Ferret Booth in the Webcomic area. Row 13 I believe. I will have books 1 and 2, prints, […]]]>

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

San Diego ComiCon is in a week! I will be with Ryan and Lar and Danielle at the Blind Ferret Booth in the Webcomic area. Row 13 I believe. I will have books 1 and 2, prints, sketches and nearly all of my shirts.

Why did I see Cars 2? Was it on a dare? Did a lose a bet? Oh god, am I pregnant? Strange cravings might account for it. Ohhhh, that’s right. I have a young child. Well, guess what? Even she nearly fell asleep halfway through and she hasn’t mentioned the movie again since. Let’s just say, from my kid (she who has watched Toy Story 3 at least 75 times and recounts in near psychotic detail every event of every movie she watched to anyone with or without functional human ears) this is a pretty damning review.

But that’s just it. Cars 2 wasn’t terrible. It was just empty and boring. It lacked ALL of the heart you expect from a Pixar film. Even considering Cars is my least favorite Pixar film, it did have at it’s center a reasonably heartfelt message. I think that message (slow down, experience a simpler life, etc) missed the mark completely, but it was there. This film’s message was “Hey this idiot must be a spy! Let’s do a bunch of spy stuff, blowing things up, then it’s over! Also friendship maybe!”

I feel like this film is not only specifically for kids, but it’s specifically for 6 year old boys. All others needs not apply. Watch WALL-E or TS3 again, instead. Get your cry on.

COMMENTERS: How did the Carsniverse come about? Did K.I.T.T lead the vehicle uprising? How does their society work? Does your make and model determine your occupation and position in life? Are they born or made? Who are their makers? Why do they have bathrooms?!

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for now so I can make some big, exciting changes. It will be reopening VERY soon. In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

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Emergency Contact https://hijinksensue.com/comic/emergency-contact/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/emergency-contact/#comments Fri, 08 Jul 2011 01:54:18 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2161

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many mores! NAME PUNS MR. FRODO!!! I made this entire comic at […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many mores!

HijiNKS ENSUE Joel Watson at Connecticon 2011

NAME PUNS MR. FRODO!!!

I made this entire comic at 30,000 feet using an iPad, a Pengo stylus and an App called Artstudio. Pretty neat.

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

COMMENTERS: Do you watched Justified? Is it great? People keep telling me it’s great. What about Timothy Olyphant’s smile? Couldn’t you just fall asleep starring at its warm glow?

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The Möbius Explosion https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-mobius-explosion/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-mobius-explosion/#comments Thu, 30 Jun 2011 21:51:29 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2150

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode. CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is almost right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many mores! [I am contemplating whether I want to write a post about Transformers: […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Funny Geeky T-Shirt Star Trek Parody shirt - Wesleys Big Adventure T-Shirt-Wil Wheaton-Wesley Crusher-Sharksplode-I'm A Loner Data A Rebel

CONVENTION NEWS: Connecticon is almost right now!!!. Come see me and David and Ryan and Lar and the Explosm quadruplets and much many mores!

HijiNKS ENSUE Joel Watson at Connecticon 2011

[I am contemplating whether I want to write a post about Transformers: Dance With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight, or just tie Josh’s dick to a railroad track for making me sit through it. If you refresh this page later and see a post, you will know my decision.]

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

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There’s No Basement On The Enterprise https://hijinksensue.com/comic/theres-no-basement-on-the-enterprise/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/theres-no-basement-on-the-enterprise/#comments Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:45:47 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2143

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode. There also aren’t any bathrooms. Last night Wil tweeted a bit about watching Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It reminded me a line in his book, Memories of The Future, where he compared a particularly indignant and […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Wesley’s Big Adventure Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Funny Geeky T-Shirt Star Trek Parody shirt - Wesleys Big Adventure T-Shirt-Wil Wheaton-Wesley Crusher-Sharksplode-I'm A Loner Data A Rebel

There also aren’t any bathrooms.

Last night Wil tweeted a bit about watching Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. It reminded me a line in his book, Memories of The Future, where he compared a particularly indignant and slightly snotty Wesley line read to the way Pee Wee informed Dottie that they would NOT, in fact, be knocking platform bar-dancing boots in the back of the bike shop. I found myself sitting at my desk, trying to convince myself to draw a comic about shotgunning the whole first season of Game of Thrones in less than 36 hours (a thing which I really did), INSTEAD of drawing the weird thing you see above. It seems that I lost my internal battle of wills, logic was thrown to the wind and common sense did not prevail.

If you are now or were ever a fan of Star Trek: TNG, I can’t recommend Memories of The Future more highly. I have enjoyed reliving the first half of the first season of TNG through Wil’s eyes (both the ones he had as a naive child in an adult’s world, and those he has now, which look back at the series with fond reflection, a little regret, and a ton of snark) more than I would have thought possible.

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

HEY A THING!: Someone familiar pops up in this Weregeek comic.

ANOTHER THING!: My friend Tom Brislin has started a Kickstarter to raise money to record his first solo album. Fans of the HE Podcast will know his music from… the HE Podcast. Tom is a fantastic song writer, a virtuoso piano player and one of my favorite creative people on the planet. Please back his project so that I may hear the wonderful musics that are currently stuck in his brain.

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The Importance Of Seeing Ernest https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-importance-of-seeing-ernest/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-importance-of-seeing-ernest/#comments Mon, 20 Jun 2011 09:24:11 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2135

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

[Posted 6/22/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience.

This comic is part true story, and part half-imagined night terror. Seriously, this comic is like when you first wake up and try to remember your dream. The ideas are there but you can feel them slipping away by the second. Is… is that your father? No… it’s Mr. T, but he is SUPPOSED to be your father. Well, that’s what writing it was like, at least. I’ve read it at least a dozen times and I can’t come up with a decent explanation for the sheer level of unsheathed bizzarre let loose in its panels. Did they somehow weaponize an airborne version of Four Loko? Am I  “Wide Awake Drunk [TM]” and comicing? Am I currently in a Navajo sweat lodge, purifying my soul with peyote as this comic is whispered to me by the King Of All Raccoons? Was it something as pedestrian as lack of sleep? Nah, it’s probably the magic raccoon thing.

The nugget of honesty is this unwinding tapestry of madness comes from the fact that I wanted to watch Return of the Living Dead III at my birthday party (it’s FANTASTICALLY terrible) and Josh couldn’t find it on his super secret, private, special space cadet decoder ring bit torrent site. He also refused to download it from a public torrent because he’s so above that and better than the rest of us. I’ve probably gotten him in trouble with Anonymous of Lulzsec or whoever just by mentioning that such a site even exists. Oh well.

As to why I had the Ernest movies on the brainparts, I cannot discern. Again, I’m looking to the Raccoon King for answers, but all I’m getting are scraps of river-washed apple spit at me and tiny, deep claw wounds on my face.

COMMENTERS: I challenge you to 1) Come up with the Ernest movies of the last 10 years that Jim Varney never got to make and/or 2) Put Ernest in other classic movies. For instance Schindler’s List becomes Ernest Goes to Concentration Camp. Roots becomes Ernest Slaves Christmas. Wow, those were both really offensive. That just sort of happened. Sorry.

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Green And Yellow, Black and White https://hijinksensue.com/comic/green-and-yellow-black-and-white/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/green-and-yellow-black-and-white/#comments Fri, 17 Jun 2011 05:56:22 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2132

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

[Posted 6/21/11 ] This weekend we finally celebrated my 30th birthday, so I am a bit behind on comics. I will let you interperet how those two things are related in whichever way you choose. Thank you to my friends that helped me celebrate and especially to Josh IRL and Jeff for hosting the whole thing and for their tremendous generosity.

So I guess Green Lantern is pretty terrible, huh? Oh well. At least Hal Jordan has a new pal he can trust forever. I wonder what Sinestro means on his planet. I’m sure it’s something totally innocuous like “wisdom,” “truthful” or a abstract term that translate loosely into English as “the color of blood in the moonlight from a neck slit by the knife of a former friend.”

Commenters: Feel free to post your GL movie thoughts. I feel like anyone that REALLY wants to see this movie already has, so let fly the spoilers of war.

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This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things https://hijinksensue.com/comic/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/this-is-why-we-cant-have-nice-things/#comments Thu, 16 Jun 2011 07:54:55 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2115

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT!!! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] If there is a shirt you […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT!!! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back, in case you want one of those.

CONVENTION NEWS: I will be at San Diego Comicon at the Blind Ferret Booth with Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, Gutters, Girls With Slingshots and possibly more. It’s going to be a blast and a frakking half.

I can say with certainty that, while I do not share an enthusiasm for any organized sporting contest, I can understand fully why many (most) people do. There’s camaraderie, civic pride, a perceived communal goal, competition, statistics to geek out over, rivalries, drama, etc, etc. The part of “sports enthusiasm” that I can’t even begin to relate to on even the most basic level is the mentality of the vast minority of sports fans where in a particular game doesn’t result in their chosen team winning, and they decide the only way to express their disappointment is to set shit on fire, assault people and destroy public and private property. Not to mention proving to any hyper-advanced alien races who may be watching us that, yes, we are all a bunch of beastly fuck ups, and you should probably go ahead and lazer-doze our stupid planet to make way for your intergalactic throughway.

Seriously, if all it takes to devolve a random group of previous reasonable people into god damn rage monkeys is a little alcohol and some sad hockey times, then we don’t deserve nice things like societies and civilization. “MY SPORTS WAS BAD! I NEED TO HURT THINGS AND PEOPLE!” just isn’t acceptable. I know this seems odd, but this kind of behavior scares me more for the future of the human race than war. There’s something incredibly sinister and terrifying about the snap change from “I’m a regular guy, hanging out at a hockey game. I have a job, and an apartment and I’m in a long term relationship” to “I bet this car should be on fire and then things will be better. How about a brick to this guy’s head? Yeah, this is an excellent way for me to behave, and afterwards there will be no negative repercussions.” That borders on sociopathy. So does littering (I’m quite serious), but that’s a different argument all together.

Many of the riotous fuckwits were photographed and videoed by onlookers and uploaded to this tumblr. Here’s hoping they are identified and held responsible for their crimes. That reminds me of the cell phone surveillance system in The Dark Knight, except we don’t need Bruce Wayne to build it for us. We’re already doing it ourselves. The next time you plan to throw a flaming trashcan through a local business window, keep in mind that nearly everyone around you has an HD video camera in their pocket.

At least this deplorable display of inhumanity allowed an opportunity for others to step up and show some real selflessness and kindness. My friend Amy posted this on Twitter today:

I’m not from Vancouver, but I’ve gotten to know the city and its people pretty well. They’re AWESOME. Last night was an aberration. What you won’t hear about is how thousands of residents volunteered their time today to clean up the city after a few drunks got outta hand. RT @LizTheCanadian Here’s a gallery on Facebook of the volunteers cleaning up today http://on.fb.me/ionVCR

Commenters: What the fuck is going on? Are we just god damned savages? How are we ever going to get into The Federation like this?

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A Friend Of A Friend https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-friend-of-a-friend/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/a-friend-of-a-friend/#comments Thu, 09 Jun 2011 23:37:18 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2099

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again. NEWS: You can hear me briefly on […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again.

NEWS: You can hear me briefly on this ABC Australia podcast, Nerdzilla, talking about X-Men: First Class. The full interview will be posted sometime next week.

NEWS 2: I have donated a copy of HijiNKS ENSUE Volume 2: My Heart Is A Hate-Filled Pineapple to be auctioned off by the Toronto Chapter of Can’t Stop The Serenity. It features THIS SKETCH. The auction is June 18th.

NEWS 3: The story I recorded for the Machine Of Death Podcast, “Loss Of Blood,” can be downloaded NOW. It’s been so long since I recorded it that I can’t remember if I sucked or not. Either way the story is very cool.

Josh IRL did see a preview of Super 8 last night. I did not. How do I compensate? Hmmm… let’s check my bag of tricks… OH! Make fun of George Lucas. Blammo! Comic!

I probably won’t have a chance to see Super 8 this weekend, so I doubt I will be able to offer insightful commentary on the subject in a timely fashion. Of course I didn’t see the first seven in the series anyway, so I would probably be totally lost with this eighth installment. I wonder if Dwight and Juno starred in all of them. Is this one a prequel?

It seems like Super 8 sends a very clear message. That message is: HEY! Remember in the 70’s and 80’s when Spielberg’s movie were the bees tits? Remember that combined sense of suspense and wonderment? You want more of that shit? You NEED it? Well, we gots it for ya’!

They even released a Spielberg stye painted portrait poster for Super 8. I wonder if there’s a cameo by a young CG Drew Barrymore. For now I am just going to attempt to avoid the constant barrage of spoilers that the next few days are going to bring.

COMMENTERS: Post your spoiler free thoughts on Super 8! Also, post other ideas Lucas had for this movie or any other movie made by his friends.

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X-Europeans https://hijinksensue.com/comic/x-europeans/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/x-europeans/#comments Mon, 06 Jun 2011 09:43:32 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2094

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again. Rejoice nerds. Our long national nightmare is […]]]>

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again.

Rejoice nerds. Our long national nightmare is over. X-Men: First Class has wiped clean the stains left on the X-Movie Franchise by X-Men 3: Frasier Beast and X-Men Original Recipe: Wolverine. It really is that good. Before I get to the good, I will quickly dispatch with the bad. As stated in the panels above, the films Americanizes ALL of the non-American characters from the comics. This seems like a very strange and totally unnecessary choice. The X-Men were always supposed to be an international collective, representative not of any one country, but of the world. It’s supposed to be mutants v. humans, not americans v. everyone else. Since the plot of the movie revolves around the cuban missile crisis, I wonder if they did this to place emphasis on the American/Russion conflict. This doesn’t ruin the movie, but it will leave longtime X-Fans confused. The other major gripe I have it will Emma Frost. The casting, the writing, and the characterization are just wrong. She comes off in the film as a tarty, sexy, fun-loving, bond girl. Where is the stone cold fake-British-accent-sporting bitch we all love to hate/love? [NOTE: I admit I am primarily familiar with the Emma from Astonishing X-Men and realize she might have been portrayed differently in the past or in other titles, perhaps without an accent at all.] January Jones (who until recently I assumed was Blake Lively), either can’t act or just doesn’t want to. Again, these are small gripes that only slightly detract from an otherwise fantastic movie.

Now for the good. The rest of it… is the good. Michael Fassbender as Magneto OWNS this movie. While I adored Ian McKellan’s portral of the master of magnetism, it was clear we were seeing a battle weary version of Magneto in his twilight years. He was more concerned with playing general to his various henchmen than getting into the thick of things himself. He was probably on a 2-3 bottles of Ensure a day habit and likely went to bed around 8pm, right after “The Wheel” went off. The Magneto we see in First Class is in his prime. He’s an assassin, a fucking unstoppable badass. And his friendship/idealogical struggle with Charles Xavier really balance out his all consuming need for revenge. Speaking of accents, Fassbender’s Irish accent pops out towards the end of the film during a few moments of impassioned speech.

There are parts of the film that feel like it should be called X-Position Men. Characters pick their codenames, give their backstories or drop an unusual amount of backstory in a very short of amount of time, but you can’t really fault them for trying to bring the average movie goer up to speed quickly in order to move the plot along. Some of it feels ham-fisted, like when Mystique says, “I want to be called Mystique and you should be Professor X!” But most of it goes over just fine. I also applaud the filmmakers for establishing quite clearly that the movie takes place in the 1960’s but somehow keeping everything mostly decade agnostic. It doesn’t feel like a period piece which keeps things more relatable. Final verdict: GO SEE IT. Fun times.

COMMENTERS: Did you see X-Men: First Class? What did you think? Do you hope they continue the franchise in this timeline?


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Sn Sn https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sn-sn/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sn-sn/#comments Tue, 17 May 2011 08:57:03 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2059

Ovipositor Shirts ONLY $11!!! Last Chance Probably Forever!!! “The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here! It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. But when you are talking about far-too-realistic CGI humans, it is the teeth that […]]]>

Ovipositor Shirts ONLY $11!!! Last Chance Probably Forever!!!

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. But when you are talking about far-too-realistic CGI humans, it is the teeth that reveal the hollowness within. It is the mouth, the lips and the tongue that take your mind from pleasant delight to abject horror. Sure, you might want to take the Polar Express to Santa’s Village, but as soon as that conductor utters, “All aboard,” you realize it’s a one way train to nightmare junction. You want to make a successful CGI animated film with biologically accurate humans? I have one word for you: mutes. Everyone is a mute. Think of how amazing Tron: Legacy would have been had CGI Jeff Bridges just kept his terror-mouth shut. I mean… when he talked, that shit was just chilling – unsettling. Seeing these digital doplegoblins speak just sets you ill at ease. Like if an unfamiliar 80 year old wisp of a woman in a wheelchair suddenly grabs your wrist and hisses, “Can I touch your haaairrrrr? I used to have sssuch pretty haaairrrr.” That shit will stone cold turn your spine to ICE!

Thanks to Gordon for tweeting something that made me think of this comic.

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Blu-Ray Harvest – Episode II: Rerelease Of The Jedi https://hijinksensue.com/comic/blu-ray-harvest-episode-ii-rerelease-of-the-jedi/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/blu-ray-harvest-episode-ii-rerelease-of-the-jedi/#comments Wed, 04 May 2011 11:34:34 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2041

TORONTO: I AM COMING FOR YOU! TCAF is this weekend! I will be at table 222 (with Topatoco) on the 2nd floor Saturday 5/7 and Sunday 5/8. I will have books 1 and 2 (and I will draw dumb things in them for you), stickers, buttons, prints (probably a “The Doctor Is In” print), and maybe […]]]>

TORONTO: I AM COMING FOR YOU! TCAF is this weekend!
I will be at table 222 (with Topatoco) on the 2nd floor Saturday 5/7 and Sunday 5/8. I will have books 1 and 2 (and I will draw dumb things in them for you), stickers, buttons, prints (probably a “The Doctor Is In” print), and maybe a couple of shirts.

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Sharksplode.com - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee ShirtsAlternate Title: He Is Your Remaster Now

Part 1 of this comic is HERE and was published almost exactly one year ago.

It’s the forth of May. Outdoor f… lightsaber battles start today. The street date for Star Wars: The Complete Essential Masterclass Compendium Edition on Blu-ray has been set for mid September, which means (like Josh) many of you will be purchasing Star Wars for the 4th or 5th time. Let’s count’em up: There was the laser disc set, the VHS special editions, the DVD of 1,2 and 3, the Super special edition DVD’s of the classic trilogy (4, 5 and 6), the unaltered original trilogy DVD’s (in which the un-fucked with films were considered “bonus material”), The Prequel Trilogy and Original Trilogy box sets (the “all new box art” only versions mentioned in the comic above), and The Complete Saga on Blu-Ray (with the promise of 3D to come). I think “buying Star Wars again” is the “buying The White Album” for our generation.

This new set has over 40 hours of bonus material, much of which has never been seen before. I think it was Rick McCallum that said something like “we keep finding daylies and alternate takes you people have never seen, so we keep adding them in, blah blah, whatever.” It seems less like they are actually discovering new footage and behind the scenes footage and more like they are seeing evidence of its existence on the Periodic Table of Star Wars. It’s like they look at the holes on the table and start postulating which “making of’s” and bits of b-roll have the precise atomic mass to site between a 6 hour documentary about Anthony Daniels getting into his brass unitard, and a behind the scenes vignette called “Who Really Shot First? Who Really Cares Anymore?”

COMMENTERS: Are you going to buy Star Wars again? Why or why not? What other formats might future generations enjoy Star Wars on [read the alt-text]? Why else may be included? More features, more documentaries, more films?

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The Second Time Around https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-second-time-around/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-second-time-around/#comments Tue, 03 May 2011 21:24:07 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2039

TORONTO: I AM COMING FOR YOU! TCAF is this weekend! I will be at table 222 (with Topatoco) on the 2nd floor Saturday 5/7 and Sunday 5/8. I will have books 1 and 2 (and I will draw dumb things in them for you), stickers, buttons, prints (probably a “The Doctor Is In” print), and maybe […]]]>

TORONTO: I AM COMING FOR YOU! TCAF is this weekend!
I will be at table 222 (with Topatoco) on the 2nd floor Saturday 5/7 and Sunday 5/8. I will have books 1 and 2 (and I will draw dumb things in them for you), stickers, buttons, prints (probably a “The Doctor Is In” print), and maybe a couple of shirts.

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Sharksplode.com - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee Shirts
I hope you enjoy this very unusual thing my brain (and subsequently my body) did in the wee hours of the night. I started trying to write a comic about how Megan Fox was ejected from Transformers 3: The Wall (presumably for NOT buffing Michael Bay’s Ferrari with her own buttocks slathered in Professor Explosionheimer’s Patented Gluteus Auto-Balm), but I couldn’t see to… care? Yeah, that’s the thing I wan’t able to do.

As it turned out I cared a lot more about 90’s family sitcom character-inconsistencies than the fate of Ms. Fox. I guess I’m really growing up. Speaking of, why did Uncle Jessie change his last name from Cochran to Katsopolis. If he was dodging the INS, that seems like the opposite way to go.

COMMENTERS: If you saw the trailer for Transformers: Tales From The Darkside, feel free to comment on it or offer an alternate subtitle for it, as we once did with the Spider-Man musical. After seeing last week’s Doctor Who, I have a feeling The Doctor had something to do with that spaceship crashing on the moon. You can also remind us of your most nagging sitcom weirdnesses if you like.

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Undeniable Parallels https://hijinksensue.com/comic/undeniable-parallels/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/undeniable-parallels/#comments Sat, 30 Apr 2011 11:08:38 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2033

I watched Waterworld this weekend… again. For like the 500th time. At this points it’s unfair to even call it a “guilty pleasure.” It’s just a pleasure. There is so much to hate about that movie, but for some reason I find the whole to be vastly greater (or at least more enjoyable) than the […]]]>

Excessive Geeking May Cause Faneurysm Shirt - Geeky T-Shirts, Nerdy Shirts, Sharksplode

Sharksplode.com - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee Shirts

I watched Waterworld this weekend… again. For like the 500th time. At this points it’s unfair to even call it a “guilty pleasure.” It’s just a pleasure. There is so much to hate about that movie, but for some reason I find the whole to be vastly greater (or at least more enjoyable) than the sum of its deeply flawed parts.  I don’t even like it in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way. Waterworld is just s shitty movie, that makes no sense, with acting that ranges from wooden to bat-anus insane that I absolutely MUST watch every time it comes on TV.

The comic above involved a very real theory I have about how Enola from Waterworld IS  the baby set adrift at the end of The Blue Lagoon. You think that movie takes place in the past. NO WAY MAN!. It’s the freakin’ future. That’s some Planet Of The Apes type science I just dropped on you. Shit, maybe that movie takes place on the other side of Waterworld. “YOU DAMN, DIRTY APES! YOU BLEW IT UP! OR MAYBE YOU SUNK IT! EITHER WAY I’M SUPER PISSED!”

COMMENTERS: Your turn to share with the group. Say your name and tell us the movie or whatever that you would like to pretend is an ironic guilty pleasure, but secretly you genuinely love it.

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Always Look On The Bright, Blinding Light Side Of Life https://hijinksensue.com/comic/always-look-on-the-bright-blinding-light-side-of-life/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/always-look-on-the-bright-blinding-light-side-of-life/#comments Fri, 22 Apr 2011 07:23:17 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2021

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here! Guys, it is seriously not that bad. We are all up to our eyeballs in freaking skulls here! We’re motherfucking skull-rich! I am going to stand on top of this burned out husk of an […]]]>

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Sharksplode.com - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee Shirts

Guys, it is seriously not that bad. We are all up to our eyeballs in freaking skulls here! We’re motherfucking skull-rich! I am going to stand on top of this burned out husk of an SUV and make it rain skulls all over your face. Then we can all go under that bombed overpass and get dry, calloused tugjobs from other dehydrated, starving, desperate shells of former humanity! Then we can… wait, what? All those people were shot and/or set on fire by Hunter Killers like seven minutes ago? No sweat, post apocalyp-bros! We’ll just move this party to the abandoned mine shaft where we dump the hundred and hundreds of dead bodies we come upon every day! PARTYPARTYPARTY!

I have to admit though, we can’t carry on like this forever. The plentitude of bleached skulls is going to lead to inflation and eventually total economic collapse. You’ll know it’s getting bad when the same rub out/possum hot dog combo deal you used to pay two skulls for now goes for thirty. And I’m not talking child skulls either. I mean thirty full sized man skulls! It’s like the machines think they have a license to print skulls.

COMMENTERS: Let’s keep looking on the bright side of this whole Judgement Day thing. What else would be a positive outcome from the machine-ocalypse?

A NEW THING!!! I have launched Sharksplode.com. It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas.

HEY! Check out this interview I did for Hollywood Jane.

 

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The Boy Who Landscaped https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-boy-who-landscaped/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-boy-who-landscaped/#comments Thu, 21 Apr 2011 08:09:41 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2018

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here! Alternate Title: Peaches and Herbology Then, right as Neville lifts the Sword of Gryffindor above his head, his parents appear to him in an apparition and say, “Neville, it is ussssss. Yourrrr craaaazzzzzy parennnnts. We […]]]>

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

“The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic is here!

Sharksplode.com - Geeky Nerdy T-Shirts, Funny Tee Shirts

Alternate Title: Peaches and Herbology

Then, right as Neville lifts the Sword of Gryffindor above his head, his parents appear to him in an apparition and say, “Neville, it is ussssss. Yourrrr craaaazzzzzy parennnnts. We might be insaaaaaane from toture and locked away in St. Mungoooos, but even we knooooooowwww you aren’t good enough to defeat… well, anythinnnnnng. Put down that sword and look for a nice place to curl up in a ballll and diiiieeeeee. Let Harry and Hermione take care of the harrrrrrd stuuuuuuuff. Also, why are we talking like ghooooossssts? We’re perfectly aliiiiive, if not totally insaaaaaane.”

COMMENTERS: How excited are you for Deathly Hallows Pt. II? Oh, you aren’t excited? You don’t like Harry Potter? Or you like the books, but not the movies? You should probably go away so we can have our fun.

A NEW THING!!! I have launched Sharksplode.com. It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas.

HEY! Check out this interview I did for Hollywood Jane.

 

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OMZ! https://hijinksensue.com/comic/omz/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/omz/#comments Wed, 13 Apr 2011 04:06:10 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2005

HEY! Where Is Superman’s Birth Certificate? T-shirt available now! If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!! EWOK STARE T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE! Alternate Title: OMFZ! “Hey Supes! You and Lois should come check out my high end steak house, Grill Before Zod. Or my […]]]>

HEY! Where Is Superman’s Birth Certificate? T-shirt available now!

Superman: Where is The Birth Certificate Shirt

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

EWOK STARE T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE!

Alternate Title: OMFZ!

“Hey Supes! You and Lois should come check out my high end steak house, Grill Before Zod. Or my combination massage school/bake your own bread joint, Knead Before Zod. Then there’s my Antarctic wildlife preservation society, Seals Before Zod. That one sort of conflicts with my Alaskan oil lobby, Drill Baby Drill Before Zod. I gots my Zod-Fingers in All Sorts of Zod Pots. I’m trying to build a global freaking brand here.”

COMMENTERS: I think you know what to do. Show me what you got.

CHECK IT OUT: I put a desktop version of the “You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic in The Vault. A shirt is in the works, so stay tuned.

You're The Last Of the Time Lords, Charlie Brown Wallpaper Preview

You can donate or become a subscriber to get access.

 

 

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Sound Financial Planning https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sound-financial-planning/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/sound-financial-planning/#comments Tue, 12 Apr 2011 01:32:04 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=2003

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!! EWOK STARE T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE! Now that I know where to put my money (or whatever we’re using for currency after the fall of man… gasoline, child slaves, bits of twine and figs, etc), what markets […]]]>

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

Ewok Stare T-Shirt from HijiNKS ENSUE

EWOK STARE T-Shirt and MORE in the HijiNKS ENSUE STORE!

Now that I know where to put my money (or whatever we’re using for currency after the fall of man… gasoline, child slaves, bits of twine and figs, etc), what markets should I stay out of completely? I suppose the industries of soap, literature, safety equipment, and signs with rules on them will dry up pretty quick. Best to keep your portfolio heavy on blunt objects, tank treads and hockey gloves wrapped in barbed wire.

I wonder what it takes to get a Thunderdome franchise. That is assuming they’re franchised at all. I mean there can’t be just the one. I’d assume you have to sign up with the home office, put up an initial investment of $50,000 to $75,000 (or the equivalent value in gasoline soaked child slaves) and then wait to see what territory you get assigned. They probably have to be at least 15-20 miles apart. I hope I get a really cherry spot like “The Outlands” “Dryland” (which is a much better market than “The Ocean City Of Floating Despair”) or “Murdertown,” the town famous for being populated 100% by murderers. Murdertown: Come for the murder, stay for the part where we divy up his clothes and shoes… then run, because you’re next. Actually that’s their old town slogan. Recently they shortened it to Murdertown: Those are some nice boots you got there, stranger.

This comic idea came out of a conversation I had with Zach Weiner, James Ashby, and half of Cyanide and Happiness (the handsome, but evil half) at C2E2 in Chicago last month. Zach later informed me that the concept of “investing in Spikes” came from himself, James, Jason Axinn, and Chason Chaffin. I wanted to make sure credit was given where due and say thanks to those guys for inspiring this stupid jpeg.

COMMENTERS: What other industries and sectors would be good to focus on for the savvy, post-apocalyptic investor?

CHECK IT OUT: I put a desktop version of the “You’re The Last Of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic in The Vault. A shirt is in the works, so stay tuned.

You're The Last Of the Time Lords, Charlie Brown Wallpaper Preview

You can donate or become a subscriber to get access.

 

 

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Afraid Of The Future https://hijinksensue.com/comic/afraid-of-the-future/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/afraid-of-the-future/#comments Wed, 06 Apr 2011 23:44:35 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1999

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!! The Chinese government has banned movies and TV shows that depict time travel. They did this presumably in order to prevent filmakers from depicting people traveling back to feudal China and realizes it was terrible or some such nonsense. I assume this whole new […]]]>

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

Ewok Stare T-Shirt from HijiNKS ENSUE

The Chinese government has banned movies and TV shows that depict time travel. They did this presumably in order to prevent filmakers from depicting people traveling back to feudal China and realizes it was terrible or some such nonsense. I assume this whole new legislation was brought on by Ninja Turtles 3. This film must be such a slap in the face to Chinese lawmakers. First of all, turtles are NOT ninja heroes. They are food. Their shells are rendered into a disgusting “turtle jelly” and slurped up in cafes all over China. The fact that they are walking and talking and wisecracking and kicking people instead of being consumed must provoke Communist outrage. Secondly, the film shows feudal China as… oh… wait… it was Japan? They were in Japan? Never mind. Either way that movie was terrible and certainly started this whole time travel mess. If only there was a way to go back in time and prevent that movie from ever…

COMMENTERS: Rather than dwell on the limitations of the freedoms of the Chinese people, let’s focus on siller things. For instance, how would various sci-fi time travel movies be affected were they edited down for broadcast on Chinese TV [I do understand they aren’t actually editing time travel out of movies].

For instance: There’s the raunchy comedy Four Grown Men In An Unremarkable Hot Tub For a Few Minutes. And you can’t forget the Bill Murray classic An Asshole Has One Bad Day In A Shitty Little Town. I assume Primer and Donnie Darko would slip through the cracks seeing as how no one can follow the plot of either of those movies anyway.

 

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C2E2 2011 Fancy Sketches Part 1 https://hijinksensue.com/comic/c2e2-2011-fancy-sketches-part-1/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/c2e2-2011-fancy-sketches-part-1/#comments Tue, 22 Mar 2011 04:59:49 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1963

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!! If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE. I had an amazing time in Chicago. Special thanks to my boothmates Randy, David and Danielle. By our powers combined, we were… able to afford the booth. And have fun. And sell things to people. Some of whom […]]]>

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!!

Ewok Stare Shirt

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

I had an amazing time in Chicago. Special thanks to my boothmates Randy, David and Danielle. By our powers combined, we were… able to afford the booth. And have fun. And sell things to people. Some of whom were in costume. It was good times. Chicago welcomed us into its hefty, meaty bosom and bathed us in the deepest of dished pizzas and the greenest of beers (it was St. Patty’s Day weekend, which is apparently Chicago’s Christmas). Despite these kindnesses, it also offered us this cruel joke of an abominable bastardized hot dog. Where was the chili? The shredded cheese? Has the city no sense? It was like a wet salad was gunned down Robocop style near a hot dog that wasn’t finished being made. I will let it slide this time, Chicago, but I expect you to correct this error in hotdoggery before I return in 12 months time.

I was very pleased to get to spend so much time with my friends from Least I Could Do and Cyanide and Happiness during this trip. Along with Danielle, we all participated in the single greatest panel I have ever been a part of. It was a solid hour of laughs and good times. The audio will be posted as the nest HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast for those that are interested in receiving enjoyment through the ears.

I hope you enjoy these book sketches in place of a comic. There will be more of them tomorrow.

COMMENTERS: It’s up to you this time. I’m still recovering from the trip and am not yet of sound enough mind to… with… stuff. Exactly. So feel free to talk about the convention, or other stuff, or ham. Ham is always good.

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Guest Comic By Gordon McAlpin Of “Multiplex” https://hijinksensue.com/comic/guest-comic-by-gordon-mcalpin-of-multiplex/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/guest-comic-by-gordon-mcalpin-of-multiplex/#comments Wed, 16 Mar 2011 05:02:57 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1957

C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE. TEAM EDWARD [James Olmos] THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping […]]]>

C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE.

TEAM EDWARD [James Olmos]

THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

Very special thanks to Gordon McAplin who makes a comic called Multiplex. You should check it out. Gordon and I first met sharing a table at last year’s C2E2 and I was shocked at how many people came up to comment on how much they loved his… dick jokes?… No… clever pop-culture references?… No… wait for it… his… HIS CHARACTERS! WHAT?! The the hell are characters? Whatever they are, and however they fit into a webcomic (I seriously have no idea), people were quite impressed with his ability to tell a real human story about the employees of a Chicago movie theater that was both compelling, dramatic and funny. Weird, right?

Either way, I don’t trust Gordon because he claims to be 7 years older than me, while appearing at least 5 years younger than me (I suspect Filipino sorcery), but I do trust comic readers to know when they genuinely enjoy free entertainment. So what have you got to lose? MONEY! THAT’s WHAT! Go buy his book! GO GO GO GO GO GO GO! It sold out at Emerald City Comicon in the first 2 days and I didn’t even get one! You know who got the last one? A BIG SHOT TV PRODUCER! They know everything, so do as he did and part with your delicious cashes.

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Urban Renewal https://hijinksensue.com/comic/urban-renewal/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/urban-renewal/#comments Thu, 24 Feb 2011 01:51:42 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1890

The only geek greeting you’ll ever need! The Sci-Five! Get up on that Sci-Five shirt business! I thought we were just joking around, but apparently some dudes took the “we should build a murder robot statue” thing pretty seriously. Good for them. I expect the Robocop statue in Detroit will quickly get vandalized with street teens trying […]]]>

The only geek greeting you’ll ever need! The Sci-Five!
Get up on that Sci-Five shirt business!

Sci-Five Shirt from HijiNKS ENSUE At Topatoco

I thought we were just joking around, but apparently some dudes took the “we should build a murder robot statue” thing pretty seriously. Good for them. I expect the Robocop statue in Detroit will quickly get vandalized with street teens trying to pry open his leg hoping to find a machine gun within.

Another thing: The HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST Crew makes a cameo in this Guilded Age. I have no idea what’s going on in that comic plot-wise, but the likenesses are great.

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Wheaton Comic Dare: Unwatchable At Any Speed https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-unwatchable-at-any-speed/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/wheaton-comic-dare-unwatchable-at-any-speed/#comments Mon, 14 Feb 2011 18:13:37 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1878

Team Edward [James Olmos] Shirts at Topatoco! NEW HE PODCAST [episode 78] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast are HERE for Vault Subscribers. New Lo-FiJINKS comic posted late last night! Driving back to Dallas from Austin today so colors and what not will be finished this evening. UPDATE: Refresh as hard as you can to […]]]>

Team Edward [James Olmos] Shirts at Topatoco!

NEW HE PODCAST [episode 78] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast are HERE for Vault Subscribers.

New Lo-FiJINKS comic posted late last night!

Driving back to Dallas from Austin today so colors and what not will be finished this evening.
UPDATE: Refresh as hard as you can to see the finished comic.

Wheaton threw down another comic dare challenge and, as always, I accepted. When will you learn not to step to these mad comicing skills, Wheaton? When? WHEEEEEAAAAATONNNNNNNN!

Having seen the trailer for Drive Angry 1: Too Driving Too Angry, I got the impression that Nic Cage escaped hell to rescue his daughter, who was the slutty blond played by Amber Heard that he was driving so very angry with. Then I got the distinct impression they wanted to have sex with each other. THEN I saw the full trailer and realized she was just some road cooz along for the ride. Whatever. This movie looks banana-tits insane.

COMMENTERS: What’s your favorite/least favorite crazy/sane Nic Cage performance and why? Also, please create subtitles for the inevitable sequels to Drive Angry: Drive Momma From The Train.

Thanks to @SpringHeeledJak for suggesting the Hindenburg kite.

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The New Colossus https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-new-colossus/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/the-new-colossus/#comments Thu, 10 Feb 2011 04:49:33 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1872

The Royal Geeks of The British Empire: British Knights Shirts at Topatoco! I think the Mayor of Detroit is being a little short-sighted in rejecting a statue of Robocop in his city. From what I can gather from alarmist headlines and hearsay, Detroit is an apocalyptic wasteland governed by packs of stray dogs. The “Mayor” […]]]>

The Royal Geeks of The British Empire:
British Knights Shirts at Topatoco!

HijiNKS ENSUE British Knights Shirt At Topatoco

I think the Mayor of Detroit is being a little short-sighted in rejecting a statue of Robocop in his city. From what I can gather from alarmist headlines and hearsay, Detroit is an apocalyptic wasteland governed by packs of stray dogs. The “Mayor” serves at their pleasure and only in a ceremonial capacity. A statue of Robocop right in the middle of downtown would remind the looting and pillaging citizens of the possibility of a brighter tomorrow. A future where, if you commit a crime, a cyborg will shoot you with a machine gun. And what about jobs? Since American cars get 4 miles to the gallon and blow up if you so much as look at them, one can only assume the job situation in The Motor City is pretty dier. Instead of a simple statue, the Robocop tribute could be a full on RocoComplex! Imagine it!  A 400 ft. tall colossus straddling both halves of the city, with floor after floor of housing, government offices, shopping, parking garages, and a 40 story penthouse up in his helmet that overlooks the city from his visor. This could transform Detroit forever. Every day at Noon an Earth-shattering “FREEEEZE DIRRRT BAAAGGGG!” would bellow from his face, letting the city know it was safe from the canine menace below. Oh, yeah… once the people move into the RoboComplex, the wild dogs really start to tear shit up at street level.

Batman and Robin was also filmed here in Dallas. I propose a 40 ft. tall codpiece overlooking the arts district. Who do I talk to about this?

UPDATE:

COMMENTERS: What other towns need statues based on their famous movies? How about a Lethal Weapon tribute in L.A.? It could say, “I’m getting to old for this shit,” in Latin under bronze busts of Riggs and Murtaugh. Or maybe a right outside of N.Y.C. and L.A. there can be a granite tribute to Snake Pliskin escaping each city. Personally I want to see a monument to the Ghostbusters bringing the Statue of Liberty to life in Ghostbusters 2 erected on Staten Island on top of the regular Statue of Liberty. Actually it should be just at the edge of Staten Island, stepping into the water. “Your love! Keeps liftin’ me! Your love is liftin’ me, HIGHER AND HIGH-ER!”

NEW IN THE VAULT: There are 9 new hi-res mobile wallpapers in the HE Vault. They are sized for iPhone Retina displays but will work nicely with any smartphone.
[click image to embiggen]

HijiNKS ENSUE Hi Res Mobile Wallpapers - iPhone Wallpapers

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Just Before The Dawn https://hijinksensue.com/comic/just-before-the-dawn/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/just-before-the-dawn/#comments Wed, 09 Feb 2011 05:49:31 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1870

Ewok Stare Shirts at Topatoco! I know this comic doesn’t make any sense. At Shitty Movie night at Josh IRL’s house we watched Mutant Zombie Vampires From The ‘Hood, starring one Mr. C. Thomas Howell. During a particularly unsexy “sex” scene featuring Mr. Howell I yelled out Josh’s lines from panels 2 and 3 above. Those […]]]>

Ewok Stare Shirts at Topatoco!

Ewok Stare Shirt

I know this comic doesn’t make any sense. At Shitty Movie night at Josh IRL’s house we watched Mutant Zombie Vampires From The ‘Hood, starring one Mr. C. Thomas Howell. During a particularly unsexy “sex” scene featuring Mr. Howell I yelled out Josh’s lines from panels 2 and 3 above. Those familiar with Howell’s work in Red Dawn should be somewhat less perplexed than those who aren’t. The aforementioned 98% of you that aren’t should feel free to remain confused and keep making that face. Yes. That’s the one.

MZVFTH would be an excellent Shitty Movie Night flick if not for two major drawbacks: 1) The dialog is almost completely inaudible. While this doesn’t normally affect your potential enjoyment of this type of movie, it gets old really quick. Especially because the gun shot sound effects (both of them) are played at ear splitting levels roughly 100,000 times over 90 minutes. And 2) The film does not contain the titular vampires. It seems to contain mutants which could be construed as zombies, actual zombies, and possibly even mutant zombies. But it doesn’t contain any sort of vampire. Though the characters do occasionally refer to the zombies as vampires for no discernable reason. This is just false advertising on the part of the film makers and I won’t stand for it.

Let’s get back to C. Thomas Howell. As a youth he starred in Red Dawn, a film about the Russians attacking U.S. soil at the end of the cold war and being defeated by a rag-tag group of kids, and Soul Man, possibly the only film made after 1948 to feature a main character in black-face. The old saying must be true. Once you go black-face, you never come back-face. Because after Soul Man, Howell’s career took a bit of a nose dive. He didn’t work less, so to speak. In fact the quantity of his output skyrocketed. The quality? Not so much. Though the film he is best known for, Red Dawn, is getting a big budget Hollywood remake for a 2011 release. If you ask me, they should of gone for the gusto and remade Soul Man, but this time instead of a white guy pretending to be a black man they could do a couple of black guys pretending to be whiteOMG WHITE CHICKS THE WAYANSES ALREADY DID THAT BLUGHLBLUGHLBLUGHL. Never mind.

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Tumbling Out Of The Rabbit’s Hole https://hijinksensue.com/comic/tumbling-out-of-the-rabbits-hole/ https://hijinksensue.com/comic/tumbling-out-of-the-rabbits-hole/#comments Sat, 29 Jan 2011 00:56:42 +0000 http://hijinksensue.com/?p=1858

WE FREAKING DID IT! All 150 Ultimate Fancy Editions of Book 2 have been sold. The presale is officially a success. Everyone that preordered a UFE or any other flavor of the book have my utmost gratitude. The order has been placed with the printer and the files will be turned in to them on […]]]>

WE FREAKING DID IT! All 150 Ultimate Fancy Editions of Book 2 have been sold. The presale is officially a success. Everyone that preordered a UFE or any other flavor of the book have my utmost gratitude. The order has been placed with the printer and the files will be turned in to them on Monday morning. This means two things: 1) If all goes according to plan the books with debut with me at Emerald City ComicCon in Seattle, WA. 2) My wife and I will be spending the next 48 hours hold up in my office, furiously finishing the book. There may not be a comic on Monday. I say this because, based on the last book, she and I probably won’t actually be sleeping between now and then.

The Team Edward James Olmos Shirt at TopatocoThe actual preorder doesn’t end until the books arrive and start shipping, so you can still pick up a regular or artist edition.

Can’t do a real post today since I have witty/sleepy book commentary to write. So I will let you COMMENTERS take over: Keanu says we’re getting a Matrix 4 and 5. You and I both know this is a terrible idea, but for the sake of whatever feel free to play Devil’s Advocate and tell how this could be a good thing for geeks. The realists among you can go into detail as to why these films should never happen. Those of you that don’t give a shit either way, how about coming up with the plot for the films? I assume, to get back in our good graces, they’ll be call the pair The Matrix: Restitution and The Matrix: Reconciliation. Oh crapontoast, I just realized they’re going to call the next one The Matrix: Resurrection. They have to. Damnit.

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