I’ve been making alternate versions of my recent comics with NEW JOKES and posting them exclusively for my Patreon Patrons. I posted 5 DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF MONDAY’s COMIC and opened it up for all to see!!!!

They’re HERE on my Patreon FREE FOR EVERYONE!

I posted FOUR alternate versions of today’s comic just for my Patrons and DANG HOO BOY are they weird. They are HERE.

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

NEW PATREON REWARDS
AND GOALS!!!

 

Become a Patron now and you can help
me release more eBooks of my comics and
sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics,
an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF
THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE!

Check out my Patreon HERE.

This is definitely not something I’ve ever done and CERTAINLY NOT something I’ve ever strongly considered doing. Nope. I’m not gross at all. Not even a monster in the slightest. This is the kind of behavior that got Hidden Valley Ranch its name. These are things you keep secret; keep hidden. We do these things in the shadows and then we do not speak of them or make eye contact for a good while afterwards. These are the Days of Depressing Dressing. This is the time of Ruffle-ations. These are crimes for which we shall surely be judged, sentenced, executed and sour cream-ated.

When I market this product (a mixture of 80% ranch dip, 10% chip crumbles and 10% distilled “giving up,”) I plan to call it “CRANCH!” The slogan will be “GOTTA GET DAT CRANCH!” or “DON’T GET BETWEEN ME AND MY CRANCH!” or maybe “DON’T LOOK AT ME! DO NOT LOOK AT ME! TAKE THE CHILDREN OUT OF THE ROOM! I DON’T WANT THEM TO SEE ME LIKE THIS! DON’T WANT THE BOY TO SEE HIS FATHER REDUCED TO THIS! TO SEE ME DEBASE MYSELF IN THIS WAY! YOU SHOULD GO! JUST GO! LEAVE ME! I’VE DONE THIS TO MYSELF! I DESERVE TO BE ALONE! NOW GIMME DAT SWEET CRANCH!”

Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!

 

Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!

NEW PATREON REWARDS
AND GOALS!!!

 

Become a Patron now and you can help
me release more eBooks of my comics and
sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics,
an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF
THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE!

Check out my Patreon HERE.

This is a horrifically disgusting true story that has happened to me at least twice. The first time, I did the math and it had been several months since I’d eaten popcorn. I was watching the first Hobbit movie (the least horrible of the three horrible Hobbit movies) at home when I originally ate the popcorn, and they were advertising the extended edition of the movie by the time the offending kernel was forcibly dislodged. It was the stuff of nightmares. Being a person is gross.

Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!

 

Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!