Don’t forget about submitting your entry to the HijiNKS Ensue 6 Year Anniversary Fancy Bastard Fancy Fan Art Contest. Submissions are due this Friday. THERE ARE PRIZES! Details HERE.

Phoenix Comicon is in 2 weeks (May 23-26)! I will be there with David Willis at Booth 1749. Would you like to be our intern for the weekend? We can offer a con badge that will get you in, probably some lunch and in return you’ll get to work at our booth, getting shirts, making change, etc. We’ll make sure you get time to check out the show as well. Email comics at hijinksensue dot com.

The only comfort I took during the final 30 minutes of this season of NBC’s Community is that it was likely THE ACTUAL FINAL 30 MINUTES AS IN FOREVER. With creator Dan Harmon gone the spirit of the show has progressively tanked all season. The characters have become parodies of themselves, which is no small achievement considering that USED to be part of the fun of their dynamic. When handled with subtlety and smarts, self-parody can be the foundation of some very endearing moments. With this season, Community has replaced subtlety and smarts with a sledgehammer and a pie in the face. It reads like bad fan-fiction. At it’s core (considering the driving creative force behind its inception is long gone) it IS bad fan-fiction.

My friend, and Leverage co-creator, Jon Rogers said to me, “…You wanted #community so now you’re going to EAT EVERY BIT OF IT. Monkey’s Paw, #community fans. Goddam monkey’s paw.” He’s right. Community fans made a deal with the TV Devil, and he’s a dirty dealer. They traded Community’s soul so that it could have a longer life. But is it really Community? Is it even alive? ZOMBIE TV SHOW ATE MY BRAINS! Coming this fall to NBC.

The only thing incorrect about Rogers’ statement is I (ME, the actual ME) did NOT want Community without Dan Harmon, just like I didn’t want a final, bizarro season of Scrubs, just like I didn’t want and continue to not want more seasons of The Simpsons or Futurama. Do like Jerry did. Leave on a high note and leave ’em wanting more.

• NBC renews Community for a fifth season, possibly thanks to Amazon, Netflix
• The Best Sitcom Finales Of All Time
• Fox has somehow uncancelled 24

[Thanks to Mikey and an actual Yaoi I saw at SDCC for inspiring today’s alt-text.]

COMMENTERS: Which show or fiction series (books? do they make… books?) do you wish had been cancelled before it was and why? 

Comments (45)

Cozworth · 107 weeks ago

remember how everyone was on about 6 seasons and a movie?

I’m pretty sure it’s worked like a monkey’s paw. We’ll get our 6 seasons and a movie and in the end it’ll be like watching a car crash in slow motion, we all know it’ll be horrible, but we just can’t look away.

@sandchigger · 107 weeks ago

I kinda wish the fifth season of Babylon 5 either never happened or happened as originally written, rather than having the fourth and fifth seasons smooshed together into one season and then being surprise renewed for a fifth season after the story was finished.

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Reply

2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Kryss LaBryn · 107 weeks ago

Came here to say that.

When it looked like it wasn’t going to be renewed, JMS got the major plot points wrapped up for the end of the fourth season, not wanting to leave fans hanging if there wasn’t a fifth. And I’m not suuure if the problem was that there was a fifth season after the pre-existing threads were more or less tied up, since he’d basically ditched the teep war thread in order to be able to fit it all in, so it’s not like he just pulled something out of his ass. I think it’s more that the fifth season was, well, kind of awful. It has some great Bester moments, but Jesus, Byron. Pun kinda sorta maybe intended. It just wasn’t the B5 we’d had for the first four seasons, and while it was still probably better than most other shows on TV at the time, it was still… yeah.

I can happily ignore season five in its entirety. Didn’t bother getting it on DVD. And frankly, “Sleeping in Light” at the end of season 4 is my favourite episode ever, I think. It is a really well-done finale to the series, and I just don’t think there was a NEED for more B5 after that. In the context of the series. Which was about the Shadow War, and stuff. More B5 *stuff* would definitely be cool. I’m still pissed about Crusade, and how long ago was that? Gods damn you, Time-Warner. Gods damn you.

Jason· 107 weeks ago

Isn’t “Sleeping in Light” on the Season 5 DVDs, though? I know it was filmed at the end of Season 4, but it wasn’t broadcast until Season 5.

I honestly didn’t think Season 5 was that bad. It just… wasn’t that good, either, I suppose. I liked the ideas, and seeing some of those plot threads resolved was kind of nice. I think it was–almost literally–anticlimactic. Or perhaps post-climactic. Anyway, I didn’t dislike it, but I can skip it on a rewatch without any guilt, too.

Besides, it wasn’t nearly as bad as Legend of the Rangers. Does B5 fan orthodoxy even consider that canon? I know I don’t.

Mike Konecny · 107 weeks ago

As I watched season 4, it felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my chest. With the finale I felt a sigh of relief as if I could finally come to term with the death of a loved one. With the announcement of season 5, I realized I will have to go through that horror again. This is the darkest timeline!

tudza · 107 weeks ago

One swell poop?

UnitedShoes37 · 107 weeks ago

Geez. Why is so much of this season’s TV making me feel like Butters in “The China Probrem”? Y’know, “I don’t know, I thought it was pretty good.”

I mean, I had my doubts about Community without Dan Harmon (and I still say the whole, Harmonless season should’ve been set in the Darkest Timeline), and I was as confused as anybody during “Journey to the Center of the TARDIS”, but I don’t feel like whoever took over Community this season or Steven Moffat have been raping our good friends Abed and the Doctor. They’ve just stumbled a bit. There were some genuinely enjoyable moments in this short season of Community, and they got Neil Gaiman to come back and write another spectacular Whopisode, not to mention Diana Rigg managing to be even more snarky and almost as delightful as she is as one of the greatest C-characters in all of A Song of Ice and Fire.

Is all the hyperbole really necessary? Hell, maybe, just maybe, if we show Community the same love we all showed it when we thought it was going to get murdered, the current showrunners will find their footing a bit more, and we all know Doctor Who isn’t going anywhere, even if Clara’s plot goes even more batshit than “The Overly Compressed Narrative of River Song” (a.k.a. “Let’s KIll Hitler!”)

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

tomspeelman· 107 weeks ago

See, THATS why I kept watching…because it’s still a lot of fun despite the stumbles. Next year, Community will finds its footing and things will be great.

Riff · 107 weeks ago

It’s been so depressing watching season 4. Community used to always be the last show I watched on a Friday night, but now I’ll watch it first to get it out of the way, if I even bother to watch it at all.

One of the worst things about it is all the fans who say “It’s still good! It’s still good!” like Homer chasing the pig down the river. I’m going to stab the next person who says, “I guess I just like liking things,” in reference to the show.

Legendary Teeth · 107 weeks ago

As someone part way through the third season of Community, my question is: where do I stop? I am happy for the show to go out on a high note in my own mind.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

@borednihilist · 107 weeks ago

My first exposure to Community was season 3 as it aired. I loved it. When I heard there was a season 4, I was skeptical, when I heard it was without Harmon I was furious. I watched season 4 until “Alternative History of the German Invasion” and that didn’t make me laugh a single time. So I quit, and consider the season 3 finale the series finale (I think it’s quite good as that, and Harmon did intend it to be able to function as one). Recently I finally was able to watch seasons one and two of Community and obviously it only made me love the show more. Hopefully I’ll be able to purchase the first three seasons soon, and watch them all again.

Tom327Cat · 107 weeks ago

Oh My Gosh Yes! Firefly! By “Heart of gold” the series was really beginning to show it’s age and feel tired. When I saw “Objects in Space” I knew It had jumped shark hard. Thank goodness Joss was smart enough to not try and push a TV special to wrap up loose ends.

2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Stephen · 107 weeks ago

You have angered the gods. Beware… they are coming for you.

@lzyglutenfremom · 107 weeks ago

he’s doing that on purpose.. he wanted to see if the internets would implode…

Khel · 107 weeks ago

I firmly believe that Scrubs ended at season 8 and this fabled 9th season people talk about were just the fever dream of an emotionally disturbed sociopath

w00hoo · 107 weeks ago

I played BtVS rpg with someone who’d only watched to the end of Season 5. That was a good enough line to draw beneath it for him. Because the rest of us had seen all 7 he finally caved and watched the last two. He wished that he hadn’t.

While I love Supernatural, I’m only watching it because it’s there. I’d have been comfortable with them finishing when they said they would…

1 reply · active 106 weeks ago

The Unknown FB · 106 weeks ago

For me, the way they ended Angel at Season 5 by being yank-cancelled in favor of more fraggin’ *Charmed* really ticked me off, and to this day I really don’t care to watch 90% of the Big 4 broadcast’s shows.
The ending to the season/series mostly wrapped things up and left a good set up for the comic series, but still felt rushed at the end, and bummed me out.

Unrepentantfangirl · 107 weeks ago

For books Alex Rider. After book five they should have just said no. Oh god. Please no.

Wesley · 107 weeks ago

Mostly every sitcom right now.. 2 and a half men, the big bang theory, how I met your mother.. I stopped watching all of them.

It annoys the crap out of me when series that used to be based on humor eventually start relying on vicarious shame and call it comedy.

Didu· 107 weeks ago

Chuck, anyone? They were sorta prepared for the axe, the season 2 finale could have been a… well, not maybe a perfect ending, but an ending nevertheless. The show got renewed but I can’t compare its actual ending to s2 because at some point I lost interest or something. It was fun to watch but nothing to obsess over, maybe I’ll watch the rest if I have nothing else to do.

As for Community, a friend promised to have an introductory season 1 marathon with me if I swore to never watch season 4, nor acknowledge its existence.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

Mitch H. · 107 weeks ago

Yeah, same here. Third season just kept getting worse and worse until I never even finished the last two or three episodes. As artificial as it was, the Masquerade was necessary to keep the show inflated. Once they started letting the non-spies know what was going on, they lost the balance of the show.

Kryss LaBryn · 107 weeks ago

This is going way, way, way back in time, but remember the old “Beauty & the Beast” TV show on CBS at the end of the Eighties? Yeah, they could have ended that one about two-thirds of the way through the second season. The third season was completely unnecessary and completely changed the tone of the series, to make it more attractive to the 18-24-year-old male demographic, when a large part of its appeal was that it was one of the few shows at the time that were NOT already aimed there. It was a bit like if, for the new season of, say, “Once Upon A Time,” they decided to cross it with “The Unit”. Not that “The Unit” wasn’t a great show, but it’s not what “Once Upon A Time” is about. It was a pretty big slap in the face to people who actually liked what they were already doing with it.

–Shut up. I was seventeen, okay?

Bill Murphy · 107 weeks ago

Roseanne.
I loved that show. A comedy about a financially struggling family. In the final season (8 or 9) they won the lottery of 100 million dollars. They continued to live in their three bedroom house and fix it up a bit.
When I think of that show, all I remember was that last awful season.

Cherie · 107 weeks ago

For books: I would say any Piers Anthony Series that went more than 3 books. If he starts a world with the idea that he is only going to write a specific number they tend to be good all the way through (Blue Adept), but if it is more open ended, he takes a major nose dive after the 3rd book (Xanth, Incarnations of Immortality)

@borednihilist · 107 weeks ago

I’m behind on both Leverage and Burn Notice, but I feel like they probably didn’t need to last as long as they have, even though I quite enjoy them. I’m glad Dexter is ending soon, but I don’t dislike the Julia Stiles season as most seem to. As for the BSG finale, I think I’m one of the few who liked it!

3 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Joe A· 107 weeks ago

I liked the BSG finale too! I often feel like that may have been because I hadn’t watched it as it aired, but all at once (or rather compressed over a few weeks) after the series was done. It probably lessened the potential disappointment because I had no time to speculate on where things were going, and ultimately disappointed that it didn’t line up with my expectations.

@borednihilist · 107 weeks ago

That’s a really insightful thought; I watched the show the same way. I watch most shows that way, actually, because there’s no way to keep up with everything I’m interested in! And anyway, I didn’t even know about BSG while it aired. I surely didn’t speculate a whole lot either because I was just always engaged in what was happening. I could never watch just one episode of BSG at a time!

@AlyredTheEvil · 107 weeks ago

Leverage stumbled a bit during some episodes of seasons 4 and 5, but overall had some really good episodes those last few seasons. The series finale, though, was excellent. Quite a rough ride but worth it in the end. I wish more shows ended so well.

Joe A· 107 weeks ago

LOST. As much as that show was based on the mysteries and the questions it posed, I would have rather it got cancelled before the sixth season could air. I’d rather have dealt with the nagging questions about what it all meant than had almost everything explained poorly.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

agarda· 107 weeks ago

something was explained?

Bruceski · 107 weeks ago

Babylon 5 is one of the famous shows affected by cancellation threats. It had been planned for five seasons, but was going to be cancelled after the 4th so they condensed all the plot resolution into that season. Fans loved the plot-dense pace, and it got renewed for a 5th, leaving Straczynski to scramble for things he could do with a story that was done.

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

Bryce · 107 weeks ago

And of course when I typed this it wasn’t showing any other comments, for some reason.

Jason· 107 weeks ago

For books, I’d have to go with the Ender series. It should have stopped when the original series stopped (i.e., Ender’s Game, Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide, Children of the Mind). Going back and filling in every nook and cranny of that universe really just detracted from what made the originals so appealing. I think the Bean books especially detracted from the character of Ender (“Ender is a super genius and that’s why he’s the hero BUT WAIT BEAN WAS REALLY A BIGGER GENIUS ALL ALONG.”)

Of course, in the end, the author retroactively ruined my enjoyment of those books much more than all the other works in the series, so… *shrug*

2 replies · active 97 weeks ago

njmckay· 107 weeks ago

I so agree!! And he keeps coming out with more filler for the Ender’s universe. The original series was enough, and I too think that making Bean more of a genius than Ender sort of stabbed his character in the back.

That being said…. MOVIE!

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

I loved the “Shadow” books.
They were a completely different feel, with the international sociopolitical maneuvering instead of family problems or whatever “Speaker of the Dead” was about. The villain was really terrifying, and seeing Peter’s change from a kind of scary kid into a decent leader was also fascinating.

DuckAmuck · 107 weeks ago

Personally I think the whole season of Community would have played better in its ACTUAL timeline – not this weird “every winter holiday in early spring” bullshit.
NBC is more at fault than anyone related to this season of Community.
Next year, watch the episodes at their correct times of year, and everything will be more easily understood.

Liam · 107 weeks ago

X-Files. Those last few years without David Duchovny and with Robert Patrick and that other woman was just unbearable.

WorldMaker · 107 weeks ago

Teeth, the Season 3 finale was Dan Harmon’s attempt to leave on a high note. There are some mixed opinions of it, but it means well and nearly, very nearly, ties a bow around S1-S3.

Anyone else notice a chalkboard in the S4 finale taunting us with the “Six Seasons and a Movie”?

That said, I actually somewhat liked the S4 finale. It WAS an attempt at a paintball finale (albeit without committing to anything like the old wanton damage of show sets). It hit a lot of the right notes and nearly proved the new writers room have almost gotten it. Biggest complaint was the cop out “it was all a dream”, because S1-S3 spent so much time subverting that. I think if they had owned that choice, and pushed for the crazy Sci-Fi consequences we all might actually be somewhat looking forward to an S5 that could be the closest thing to a half-hour comedy Fringe we might ever see…

Tara · 107 weeks ago

NCIS. I stopped watching after season 8 because even then I could hear it’s death rattle, and keeping it going now is just a cruel kick to the groin of what it used to be. I don’t understand why consistently the worst shows on TV keep getting the highest ratings, like Two and Half Men and How I Met Your Mother. I guess people watch them out of habit, like they’re tricking themselves into thinking it’s still worth their time.

1 reply · active 106 weeks ago

Gregory · 106 weeks ago

Respectfully disagree, it’s had some rough patches, but this past season with Ziva and DIrector Vance on the warpath has been pretty awesome and the finale was great. I’m actually shocked it’s been able to avoid getting stale. Just my two cents.

tomspeelman· 107 weeks ago

Maximum Ride…after James Patterson made the kids anti global warming vessels for no reason at the end of Book 3, along with the Stupid ending of that book, I gave up. Those are the only Patterson books I’ve ever read and it’ll probably stay that way.

Kryss LaBryn · 107 weeks ago

This is going way, way, way back in time, but remember the old “Beauty & the Beast” TV show on CBS at the end of the Eighties? Yeah, they could have ended that one about two-thirds of the way through the second season. The third season was completely unnecessary and completely changed the tone of the series, to make it more attractive to the 18-24-year-old male demographic, when a large part of its appeal was that it was one of the few shows at the time that were NOT already aimed there. It was a bit like if, for the new season of, say, “Once Upon A Time,” they decided to cross it with “The Unit”. Not that “The Unit” wasn’t a great show, but it’s not what “Once Upon A Time” is about. It was a pretty big slap in the face to people who actually liked what they were already doing with it.

The Unknown FB · 106 weeks ago

I’m thinking about “Enterprise”, not necessarily charitably, but how it got cancelled in a very cruddy way in Season 4, after starting to get good.
IMO, the showrunners needed a kick in their aft warp coils about 1.5 seasons earlier to get on the stick and write some good character-driven stories.
The way that series was handled and ended basically killed off TV versions of Trek to this day, sadly.

Alyson · 106 weeks ago

I realized it was horrible when Abed wore a Doctor Who shirt. That shit wrinkled my brain.

emperorbailey· 97 weeks ago

Joel: I just shotgunned Simpsons Season 24, and its getting better. They write stories with real character development, and take bigger chances, instead of like “this is what Homer would do in Brazil.” Better gags, more realistic characters. More rewarding all around.
Also, I think from Season 23, the episode called “The Book Job” was as funny as any Season 8 episode.

UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale! 

 Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE.

Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday Cards, DISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH.

Same goes for Sharksplode Doctor Who Shirts, Wil Wheaton Themed Shirts, this one, that one and ALL OF THE SHIRTS ENTIRELY.

Guys, it is JoCo Cruise Crazy fundraiser time again. If these words are foreign to you, please read this post from last years JCCC fundraiser to get an idea of what this special event is, and what it means to my wife and I. We work hard and we struggle to maintain this “do what you love for a living” lifestyle, and despite all of its perks it really doesn’t leave any extra money for things like fantastically geeky vacations. That’s where you, The Fancy Bastards, come in. Just like last year I am going to be offering 100 signed and numbered limited prints of the image above (a fully inked and colored version, that is) in order to raise money for the flights, hotel, cruise, food, etc.

For $35 (plus shipping) you will get the 11X17″ “Bridge Collapse” print, plus one more 11×17″ print of your choice (“Where’s Carl?” “Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey,” or “Rival Smugglers”). For $55 (plus shipping) you will get all 4 prints.

I will also be offering extra signed Print Packs (four 8.5×11″ prints on the same theme) for $25 each (+s/h). The packs will be “Doctor Who 1,” “Doctor Who 2,” “Joss Whedon,” “Battlestar Galactica,” and “Wil Wheaton.” You will be able to buy these even if you don’t buy the limited print.

I will ALSO be offering a few stand alone 11×17″ signed prints like “You’re The Last Of the Timelords, Charlie Brown,” “Winter Is Coming” “Grammar Dalek” and “I’m A Snowflake On The Wind” for $15 each (+s/h) or all four for $45 (+s/h).

The last JoCo Cruise was one of the all time highlights of my life (as you can see). I would love to be able to take my wife on it at least one more time and give you some extremely Fancy artwork in the process. The prints will go on sale at (or around) midnight central tonight. (UPDATE: They are up for sale now!) I will update this page with a purchase link. Thanks!

COMMENTERS: Assemble your perfect starship bridge crew chosing from all characters in the whole of Sci-Fi. Who gets which job and why?

ANOTHER THING: Me, Rob and Wil did something very silly last night.

Please enjoy these sketches I did for some Fancy Bastards at C2E2 in Chicago last weekend. I would like to eventually collect all my my convention sketches and artist edition books sketches into an eBook and call it “I’m Sorry I Ruined Your Book.” Maybe I’d put it up for a few bucks or a pay-what-you-like type of thing. Just as idea.

Being that I am smack in the taint of convention season (roughly the middle) I feel like I’ve been on tour. I got home from Seattle… yesterday? Last week? I have no idea. I was home for a 8 days or so and then I went to Chicago. I got home from Chicago all of 14 minutes ago and now I’m about to get on an iceplane to Canada for Calgary Entertainment Something Something Expo where I will be entertainingly expo’ing with Blind Ferret next weekend. I really love this job, and I consider doing conventions to be more of a perk than an obligation, but I am certainly ready for a good month or so where I don’t leave Texas… or my house… or my office. I have 150 ideas for things that I need actual, uninterrupted time to accomplish. Comics, shirts, things that are not comics or shirts… IDEAS! FOR THINGS! NEED TIME!

One nice side effect of going to several conventions in a row is that I’m getting to see my comics friends more often than I actually see my local friends. One of the biggest negatives about working alone for me is the lack of creative collaboration. Put me at a bar with 3 other professional funny types and the ideas just start flowing. Convention bars are the Cardiff rift to my creative TARDIS. Yes, I just made that analogy. Just last weekend the boys from Explosm and I outlined a musical (that we might actually make before the end of time), invented Satanic Gospel music, and did about a 100 ragtime, swing and early jazz renditions of 90’s nu-metal songs and/or songs from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Someone should be recording this stuff and putting on the internet in some sort of downloadable format. Too bad that’s an impossible dream given today’s technological limitations and strict regulation of all media by the Freemasons.  Oh well.

COMMENTERS: I am a little spent, so feel free to comment or question based on any of the topics rased in the sketches above. 

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

“¿Terra? No Va” translates to “Terra? Doesn’t Go.” As in, “With such a great premise Terra Nova could go SO MANY AMAZING PLACES, but choses not to.”

I have written at least four pages of stream of consciousness, black and white notebooks from Se7en-style commentary on how I would fix Terra Nova. I am going to try to arrange it into a coherent, readable, non-manifesto format and post it here for your perusal. The bottom line is Terra Nova is a FANTASTIC concept with loads of potential that the writers and producers of the show seem hell bent on completely ignoring. I have several holiday-time, family-style obligations keeping me from organizing my mad ramblings now (plus I’ve been awake for 2ish days and the voices are starting to make some really good points), so check back over the weekend and hopefully I will have completed my transformation into a great and terrible red dragon… posted my thoughts on how to fix Terra Nova.

UPDATE: I have resurrected my TUMBLR and posted my Terra Nova rant all in one fell swoop.

COMMENTERS: Who else could save Terra Nova and how would they do it? How would you save it (which specific issues would you address)? Do you think it doesn’t need saving? That is certainly an opinion one could have… IF THEY WERE A SIXER SPIE! Of course there is no actual punishment in Terra Nova for being a Sixer spie, so… carry on I guess.

[thanks to @doctoravenue, @robgonzo and @dotcomaphobe for the title to today’s comic]

It being holiday-type times and all, I thought I would mention that I have an Amazon wish list. It mostly consists of Blu-Rays right now, since I finally got a Blu-Ray player (mostly to more conveniently stream Netflix). So there’s that if you are interested. If you’d like to send a card or anything else for that matter, the mailing address is on the contact page.

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!!

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon, now that we are all back from Comic-Con.

I am still recovering from San Diego Comic-Con. I have 100 shout outs and thank you’s to dole out over the next week, but for now I will leave you with these (mostly Doctor Who themed) sketches while I continue to deCONpress and process the amazing events of the last week. This week will probably round out with a couple of regular HE comics, a special HE comic of sorts and an SDCC photo comic over the weekend.

AND MY AXE!

THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 82 – C2E2 2011 Webcomics Rountable featuring: Joel Watson of HijiNKS ENSUE, Kris Wilson and Rob DenBleyker of Cyanide and Happiness, Ryan Sohmer of Least I Could Do, and Danielle Corsetto from Girls With Slingshots.

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

YOU SHOULD GO PREORDER SHORTPACKED BOOK 4 by my friend DAVID WILLIS. THIS IS MY COMMANDMENT.

YOU SHOULD ALSO GO BID ON THIS PIECE OF PAPER THAT ME AND A BUNCH OF OTHER ARTISTS DREW ON AT C2E2 TO BENEFIT THE JAPAN RELIEF EFFORT. [MORE INFO HERE]

I was so proud of myself for coming up with Abracadaver until a quick Googling showed me that it was already a thing. Several things, in fact. Including one thing already dealing with the CSI franchise. Oh well. I did my best and I live to pun another day.

• Ron Moore’s “Harry Potter for grown-ups” show is getting off the ground
• Esai Morales To Team With The Guy Who Played His GALACTICA Grandson On Ronald D. Moore’s 17TH PRECINCT Pilot!!

I hesitate to get too enthusiastic about Ron D. Moore’s 17th Precinct because I fear my initial excitement is actually just my desire for more content in the Harry Potter universe. I would seriously love to see an adult show about aurors kicking some dark wizard ass. Plus, what is Ron Moore going to do with a show that STARTS with magic? Is the big reveal in the final episode going to be that all magic is actually science? Hmmm… wait, that actually sounds pretty cool. Feel free to use that one Ron. On the house.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to offer up your own Horatio Caine one liner set in the wizarding world. Here are a couple more to get you started:

“The victim was bludgeoned to death with a bottle of premium tequila. He never saw it coming.”
“I guess he didnt [sunglasses] expecto Patrón-us.” [YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!]

“The victim was murdered using Avada Kadavra.”
“I guess the killer’s parents never taught him… it’s not polite to curse.”  [YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!]

TEAM EDWARD [James Olmos]

THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 82 – C2E2 2011 Webcomics Rountable featuring: Joel Watson of HijiNKS ENSUE, Kris Wilson and Rob DenBleyker of Cyanide and Happiness, Ryan Sohmer of Least I Could Do, and Danielle Corsetto from Girls With Slingshots.

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

• First Cast Photo from Ron Moore‘s 17th Precinct: It’s a BSG reunion!
• Frak, yes! Two more BSG vets join Ron Moore‘s 17th precinct
• Ron Moore‘s new 17th Precinct cast member: Smallville’s Lana Lang

C2E2 IN CHICAGO IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Randy [Something*Positive], Danielle [Girls With Slingshots] and David [Shortpacked & Dumbing Of Age]! Read more about it HERE.

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!!

THERE IS A NEW HE PODCAST!!! EPISODE 81 – DICK ISLAND

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

When you’re only speed is “GO,” eventually you burn out. I started writing this comic over 2 weeks ago, back when Charlie Sheen first began his one man Vatican assassination attempt of his own career, with the intention of running it before I left for Emerald City Comicon. The reason I was unable to finish it is that every time I would get done with the script, Sheen would do five more interviews and I’d have to go back to the drawing board. I wanted to somehow incapsulate the depths of his coke-fueled insanity and subsequent public breakdown in three simple panels. I soon realized this task was insurmountable and shelved the idea.

After a week passed I figured there was nothing left to say about Charlie Sheen that hadn’t already been covered elsewhere. Then I recalled a particular monolog from a prominent geek popular culture television program that seemed to sum up his entire ordeal. Those words, originally spoken with the utmost delusions of grandeur by Brother Cavil in Battlestar Galactica can be found in panels 7 and 8 above. Read them carefully and shudder at the similarities between a the grandiose ramblings of a drug addled, millionaire actor and a robot that orchestrated the destruction of humanity because of his mommy issues.  Can someone make sure Sheen doesn’t have access to our planetary defense grid? Oh, we don’t have one of those? Then we should be fine.

COMMENTERS: What other quotes from geek TV and movies would make good Sheen rants? Feel free to modify them slightly to better fit his particular dementia(though top points will go to those that fit perfectly with no alteration). “I aim to misbehave,” comes to mind.

ONLY 20 UFE’s LEFT AND ONLY 4 days left to get them: There are 20 Ultimate Fancy Editions of the book left and the files must be fully proofed and turned into the printer by Sunday 1/30/2011. Once those last UFE’s are sold I will have covered 100% of the printing costs + all other book-related expenses. PLEASE HELP me make this thing a success. 4 days! We can do it!

BOOK 2 PROOFREADERS UPDATE: You will likely get the book in a slightly unfinished format by Friday night and will have to have it back to me within 24 hours. Just a heads up.

When Battlestar Galactica (I accidentally just wrote GalactiviA, and then thought that would be a good name for space-yogurt that makes you poop)… eh’ hem… When Battlestar Galactica first started I remember being excited that the only real difference between the crew of the BSG and modern day man was that they could travel between the stars. Other than that their technology was actually LESS advanced than ours. A big part of that had to do with them being aboard a 75 year old ship and the fact that all ships with modern (modern for them) tech were destroyed in the attack on the 12 Colonies. With no lasers,  androids (sort of), holodecks, super-computers (at least not on their ships) or even any aliens BSG had to rely on believable, relatable, compelling characters to suck you in. That and space battles with evil robots. That was also a big part of the appeal in the early seasons.

In retrospect the show really ran out of reasons for the characters to be interesting after season 3 and resorted to crazy stunts, and plot twists that really didn’t make any sense (al la LOST). Be that as it may, the show was incredibly original for a sci-fi serial drama and made me rethink my definition of science fiction. Or at least adjust my perception as to what I expected from the genre. I was raised by Star Trek: TNG, and BSG was certainly its antithesis. The disparities between the two are even more evident when you realize Ron D. Moore (who cut his teeth on Deep Space Nine), was using TNG as the anti-blueprint for Battlestar. No mirror universes, no bumpy foreheads, no god-like powers, and no standard character archetypes (the cocky guy, the smart guy, the alien, the slut) were the commandments of the BSG Bible. I would say that his philosophy worked… until it didn’t. Or maybe until he lost faith in his own good book. Seems like BSG started to stray when it abandoned stories rooted in the human condition and the struggle for survival and started making everything about Space God and destiny and what not. You can argue that those aspects were always central to the narrative of BSG (because they were), but viewer like myself always hoped they would be a red herring and not the ACTUAL crux of the show.

COMMENTERS: Since you were already doing this before I made this post, what aspect of BSG did you find the MOST confusing. Just to balance things out, what did you love about BSG that wasn’t a common Sci-Fi trope.

And if you find panel three confusing, please check out the work of Bear McCreary. I want him to score my life.

Colors, backgrounds and post coming later tonight. In other news: Kiddo has requested that “Daddy stop working so much” and spend some time with her. Going to 5 days a week and trying to get the book done at the same time was a stupid idea. I’ve been working 14-16 hour days, sleeping 5-6 hours then getting up and doing it all again. If you appreciate the increased output and you would like to help out, please consider making a donation. THANKS!

• The original Battlestar Galactica series bible is Ron Moore’s rebuke to Star Trek

TIME IS NEARLY UP!!!!!:
This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT necessarily be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT MOTHER FANCY BOOK, YO!

Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!

Bad news guys. The addition of a 13th Zodiac sign means you might have been reading the wrong horoscope for your entire life. Also you might have been reading horoscopes and believing them for your entire life which is additional (and more severe) bad news. It also means that Zodiac Killer should have killed at least one more person. This story is just full of missed opportunities.

Back to the Battlestar Galactica comparison for a minute: If you read the article linked below where the astronomer that started this whole thing explains the 13th celestial position, or whatever, he mentions that it is caused by a change in Earth’s orbit and relative position to other celestial bodies that cycles every 26,000 years. This has all happened before, amiright? And this will all happen again? Huh? Huh? I think my theory holds up.

Question for you BSG fans: Concerning the series Finale [SPOILERS], if modern scientists discovered Hera’s bones (the famous Australopithecus “Lucy” skeleton) and she was still 3 and a half feet tall, doesn’t that mean she died shortly after they reached Earth2? Did anyone else catch that or am I missing something? Puts even more of a downer on the finale. “Hey guess what? All those crazy mysteries? Space Angels. Also the baby died. See ya!”

• Why did your zodiac sign change? We asked the astronomer who started it all
• Bad Astronomer Phil Plait explains away Astrology [funny that THIS AD was running on this page when I read it]

[Thanks to Amy Berg, Aaron Douglas, Cristi Jacques, Ryan North and Tommy Wiseau for unwittingly appearing in this comic. If any of you don’t like it, please email and I will remove your image.]

My first San Diego Comic-Con has come and gone and I live to tell the tale. I don’t want to just list everything that happened in chronological order (since I am still decompressing and processing the longest convention of my life), but I would like to relate a few highlights.

I have a few of the SDCC exclusive “Protest” prints
[based on this comic] left over from the con.

If you want one, order a comic print from the store
and put “SDCC Protest Print” in the notes.

Also make sure to let me know what you want written in the blank sign.

The week pretty much started with w00tstock SDCC. I went on sort of a last minute whim only expecting to have a reasonable amount of fun and I left with a refreshed perspective on why it is I do what I do. Wil Wheaton, Adam Savage, Paul and Storm and their MANY scheduled and surprise guests certainly delivered in the entertainment department but what made that night special, made it unique was the palpable sense of “I am home.” I don’t often feel at ease on the road. I rarely sleep at all when I am away from my own bed and I usually feel displaced from reality until I return to my typical surroundings. w00tstock instantly replaced that unease with a sense of belonging and community. The weirdest part is that we (the audience) weren’t even interacting with each other directly. But we were REacting in the same manor to the same geeky stimuli. Each joke, each reference, each touching story were met with comunal LOLs, smirks and tears. I remembered why I make this silly comic. I make it for these people. These were my people. These were my friends. In our collective choice to be weird, we chose to belong. That may sound sappy but it was real. I felt it and I know you (if you were there) felt it too. I was particularly grateful that I got a chance to tell Wil how much that night meant to me when he came by the Topatoco booth a couple of days later. For a much more complete list of of the amazing, unexpected and special things that happened at w00tstock SDCC please see the write ups from Wheaton and Paul and Storm. Also listen to Paul and Storm’s heartbreaking podcast about how Joss Whedon was accidentally turned away at the door.

I am also grateful that during w00tstock I was able to finally meet long time Fancy Bastard and TV writer/producer extraordinary Amy Berg [pictured above with me and Chief]. Amy was a writer and producer on Leverage (still one of my favorite hours on TV) and is now a writer/EP on the geektacular Eureka. I tend to ramble when I’m excited so between w00tstock, meeting Amy, Amy introducing me to Eureka creator Jamie Paglia and Mythbuster Grant Imahara I was probably talking… err, spewing nonsense from my face-hole like a ruptured pipeline. Amy invited me to the Eureka screening the next night (Which was fantastic btw. Watch it.) and for the first time in my life I was able to watch a television show, get up from my chair and immediately walk over to the guest star (Wil Wheaton) and tell him “good job.” I’m sure that’s an every day occurrence for some, but for me it was truly special. Amy came by the booth on the final day of SDCC and I loaded her down with HE swag. She is a joy to be around and a prime example of living the pro-geek life to the fullest.

Thanks to my buddies from Cyanide and Happiness I was one of the first people in the world to see The House That Drips Blood On Alex, a short film starring The Room director, Tommy Wiseau. I will not be able to use human language to properly describe the levels on which this experience affected me so please feel free to assume that you should take whatever emotions or impact I am able to convey and multiply it by infinity. Room fans will be please to know that THTDBoA (though only 20 minutes long) was exactly as incomprehensible as it’s predecessor. It will eventually be airing on Comedy Central and you will all get to know the happiness-secrets that it contains. What you will never be able to do, however, is be present for the panel that followed the movie. When I tell you that it was like descending face first into the mouth of madness, understand that I am not exaggerating. If anything I am underplaying the sheer macabre, non sequitur experience of witnessing a (seemingly) ordinary human man display a complete disconnect, nay, disregard for coherent communication. I have NEVER laughed so hard for so long and with such utter confusion in my entire life. Tommy Wiseau will one day return to his home planet or dimension of origin but for now we on Earth are blessed with his ferocious insanity. Some videos from the panel are already on Youtube and I have a few that I need to upload myself. Hopefully the entire thing will be made available soon. It was glorious. I spent the rest of the evening giggling like a child.

[more on SDDC, my Topatoco boothmates and other happenings tomorrow in part 2!]

Did you miss the COMIC-CON EXCLUSIVE “Browncoat vs. Red Shirt” SHIRTS?

I designed these shirt for Quantum Mechanix, but they were only available at Comic-con due to licensing issues. If you would like for them to be available online I strongly urge you to email beth[at]quantummechanix[dot]com and let her know just how much you like these shirts. The more positive emails she gets the more ammo she will have to prove to the studios that these shirts should live on. [NO ANGRY EMAILS AT ALL, PLEASE. BETH AND QMX ARE ON OUR SIDE]

Special thanks to JustChristine and JonnyAce for hosting me at SDCC. They are indeed the fanciest of bastards.

WHERE ARE YOU!?
ARE YOU IN CHICAGO OR THEREABOUTS!?
COME TO C2E2 THIS WEEKEND April 16-18 OMGWTFEXPLODE!

More info in THIS BLOG POST.

Super special thanks to Talthos and Silkspinner for turning in this superbly geeky guest comic while I am away in Chicago. They make a webcomic called “Complex Actions” about role playing games. Perhaps they can fill the RPG comic void in your hearts that HijiNKS ENSUE will never be able to… since I don’t know anything about RPG’s.  They were my booth neighbors at Comicpalooza in Houston last month and I dare you to find nicer Texans to share any amount of square footage with. I DARE YOU! [if you accepted the dare you failed]

They also have a podcast called Dimensional Radio that you should check out. Listen long enough and you may hear me doing to a call sign bumper for them. In fact listen to all of the episodes assuming my dulcet tones are just around the next bend.

Don’t Forget! [Edward shirts now at Topatoco!]

2 Upcoming Appearances!!!
Staple! THIS WEEKEND!!!
March 6 @ The Monarch Event Center in Austin, TX
MORE INFO

Emerald City Comic-Con
March 13-14 @ The Washington State Convention Center in Seattle, WA
MORE INFO

If there’s one thing that makes Ron D. Moore’s space-beard stand on end it’s the juxtaposition of science and religion. When you boil it down to space-ics this is the central theme of every show he’s ever run. He often broaches the topic in such s way that really gets you thinking about the wider implications of the argument. “If a planet of space-jews tell me I’m the messiah and treat me like the messiah no matter what I do or say, AM I the messiah? Is that all it takes? Is that what happened to Jesus?”

Want desktops or a mobile wallpaper based on this comic? They're in The Vault. Make a small donation to get access.

But once the idea is presented from at least a dozen different angles it tends to wear thin. Why? Because in none of these shows does he ever actually come close to answering the question. Again, why? Because you can’t. It’s a universal unknown. And I think that’s his point. No matter how advanced we get as a species, spirituality and faith will always be open to personal interpretation and will typically go against the commonly accepted scientific theories of the day. That’s just human nature for better or worse. Robots, lasers, FTL’s and wormholes aren’t going to change us that drastically.

In each of the series mentioned in today’s comic Moore also gives plenty of evidence that both sides (science and religion) are probably believing the same exact truths, just with different perspectives. For instance, the wormhole aliens in DS9 ARE NOT GODS. They don’t claim to be. They are just super powerful, all knowing, non-linear aliens. The Bajorans view them as gods because… well they can do everything people expect a god can do. Then you ask the same question I asked about Captain Sisko/The Emissary in the first paragraph: if it walks like a god and bends reality to its will like a god, is it a god? I think Moore’s answer, again, is “it doesn’t matter.” DS9 never comes out and says the Bajorans are wrong in their beliefs or that they are the Alpa quadrant equivalent of an ant worshipping a human, but it also never affirms their deifying of their planet’s upstairs space-neighbors is really a great idea.

Ron Moore has always told SLOOOOOOOOW stories with a ton of gray area. Nothing is fixed, everything is open to interpretation. As I said earlier, this can wear thin. Those of you that shared my opinions on the conclusion of Battelstar Galactica (micro spoilers ahead) know what I’m talking about. In any situation where you’ve spent countless hours postulating and pontificating on the true causes behind a chain of emotional, intense and seemingly connected events “oh, what? oh, it was probably God that did it all” is not a satisfying resolution. It reeks of lazy story telling. But when you realize that is the ONLY way Ron Moore has ever told a story, you can begin to set your expectations appropriately.

Which brings us to Caprica. I pored my mostly negative feelings about the first few episodes of Caprica all over the LoFijiNKS Podcast and there they remain for your listening pleasure. Since then the show has taken a bit of an upward turn and really started to explore some of its untapped potential. The concept of V-World (the online, holographic, no consequences, virtual reality-scape all the kids are into) could be a show in itself. In fact, I won’t be surprised if Caprica begins to focus on the more “Matrixy” aspects of its reality as the season progresses. There’s a lot of meat on them scifi bones and it could make for excellent TV. The “I’m a dead girl stuck in a robot/am I really dead if my memories are in tact?/what are we if not the sum total of our experiences?/am I the robot messiah?” on the other hand is already more Moore than I bargained for. This space has been thoroughly explored to death by scifi since its inception as a genre and I doubt Caprica will uncover anything new in that arena.

I can say that I have changed my early opinion on Caprica from “PASS” to “PROCEDE WITH CAUTION.” You really have to understand Ron D. Moore’s M.O as a story teller in order to get into this series. He isn’t afraid to have ZERO sympathetic characters, incredibly slow pacing when the story calls for it and to borrow heavily from the themes of his previous work. He also just had an invincible virtual dead girl debug a few “agents” with her mind, and take out an entire online crime syndicate with virtual machine guns in a holographic version of Grand Theft Auto. So there’s that.

• James Marsters: Caprica Is About The Fall Of America
• Is Caprica Season 2 Already A Go?
• Caprica Is Quickly Becoming The Best SF Show On Television

UPDATE: BILLS! BILLS! BILLS!:
I am very happy to report that the Fancy Bastards have already donated over $1000 towards my medical expenses!

If you enjoy the comic and would like to help out, please consider making a small DONATION. Put “ER Bill” in the comments and I will make sure it goes straight to the Hospital/Collection Agency.

Thank you all so very much.

UPDATE on TEAM EDWARD SHIRT!!!
Due to overwhelming demand, the Team Edward shirt from this comic is now in the HE Store.

Do you know about The Vault?
Fancy Bastards with Vault access got to see this comic early and read the original script which contains a deleted first panel. There’s also desktops, iPhone wallpapers, behind the scenes art, unfinished comics and bonus HE Podcasts.

Speaking of Podcasts… THE HE PODCAST IS BACK!!!

WHERE’S MONDAY’S COMIC?
Many of you who follow me on Twitter know that we had a family medical emergency with our daughter on Monday and we spent most of the evening in the ER. Everyone is fine now, and I want to thank you all for the outpouring of well wishes and kind words. It really helped me through one of the worst nights of my life.
So… yeah, I don’t think I need to really go into detail about my opinions on

Twilight: New Moon: I’m pretty sure you all know how I feel. Just enjoy the comic for what it’s worth and let us think of more pleasant things. Of vampires that don’t sparkle and do have fangs.

• Cinema Is Doomed: New Moon Most Successful Opening Ever
• Twilight Heroin And Biting Fans: More WTF Twilight Stories
• New Moon Reviews: Quint from AICN, Massawyrm from AICN, I09
• Fangst [emo vamp or Ikea storage]
  

BLACK FRIDAY SALE?
You might want to check store.hijinksensue.com on Friday around 12am… I’m not saying, but I’m just sayin’. Man it smells like savings in here.

BOOK 1 ULTIMATE FANCY PREORDERS
All but 19 UFE’s are sketched and shipped. The rest will leave this week. Thank you so much for your patience. I am trying to make sure the sketches are extra special to make up for the lateness.

SHIPPING DEADLINES
If you are planning on ordering something for the HE Store for the holidays, PLEASE READ!!!

Some of my SHIRTS ship from Topatoco. READ THEIR DEADLINES HERE.

Some of my SHIRTS don’t ship from Topatoco
-12/2 is the cutt off for  International/Canada
-12/9 is the cut off for US orders

BOOKS ship from my home.
-USPS Domestic Priority Mail Regular Editions should be ordered by Dec. 15th
-USPS Domestic Priority Mail Artist Editions should be ordered by Dec 7th
-International Orders probably won’t arrive by 12/25 if you haven’t already ordered them.
Canada and UK may be the exception to the rule since they ship pretty fast, but I can’t guarantee anything at this point.

PRINTS have the same deadlines as Regular Books.

REMINDER!!! Dallas Webcomics Expo is this Saturday. I will be there with books and shirts and furtive glances and some sort of advice about webcomicing which will be delivered via panel format.

——————-

Alternate Title: “In Space No One Can Hear You Cream”

If spaceship on spaceship slash exists (please please please), then I really only want to see the NCC-1701 D going to space town on a Star Destroyer (or maybe the Death Star if you’re into that kinky shit).

EXTREMELY MINOR SPOILERS BELOW… MOSTLY JUST OPINIONS

So… Battlestar Galactica: The Plan. There’s one thing wrong with that title and it’s not the part that denotes what kind of ship most of the movie takes place on (hint: its the PLAN part… there isn’t one). I would suggest fans of the series PLAN to be super frakking disappointed. The Edward James Olmos helmed “Plan” plays out like spare footage from BSG seasons 1 and 2 (that should have been left on the cutting room floor) randomly stitched together and run through the Boring-O-Tron 5000 a few times.

Before you shout, “CYLON!” and start checking my spine for a certain mid-coitus glow, hear me out. The reason this direct-to-DVD feature feels like spare footage is because at least 1/3 of the film is comprised of… stock footage from seasons 1 and 2. In fact, Kara Thrace, Lee Adama, Helo Agathon, Col. Tight and a host of others ONLY appear in the stock footage. President Laura Roslin doesn’t even show her face in rehashed footage or otherwise.

The concept was sound. I would actually like to see what the Cylons were doing leading up to and after the attacks on the 12 Colonies. The execution is just sloppy, disjointed and ultimately uninteresting. It’s extremely Cavil-centric and he is one of my least favorite characters. His “mommy issues/Oedipal complex drove me to eradicate humanity” just doesn’t resonate with me at all. That sort of motivation would be a great explanation for a single murder or perhaps a series of failed romances and an inability to connect with others on a deep level. As for a reason to exterminate all life on 12 planets? Let’s just say Galactus had a more convincing argument with, “because I was hungry.”

/END MINOR SPOILERS WHICH ARE MOSTLY JUST OPINIONS

If you’ve seen The Plan and have an opinion, share it in the comments. If you haven’t seen it and wish to remain unspoiled, read the comments at your own risk.

WEST TEXAS COMIC-CON in Lubbock, TX was a lot of fun and a big success from a “was it worth it/will I do it again” stand-point. Thanks to everyone that came out to see me and to those that discovered HE right there on the spot. Special thanks to cartoonist and organizer Will Terrell for being such a fantastic host and making me feel so welcomed. Check out his webcomic “Super Zeroes.” Will’s a very talented artist (his coloring and line work are superb), and he’s just started his own EXPERIMENT to try and make a living doing what he loves. He will also be at the aforementioned Dallas Webcomics Expo on Saturday 11/14 and I encourage you to give him some of your money (after giving most of it to me… assuming there is any left… there really shouldn’t be any left if you did it right).

If Edward James Olmos played the God of Abraham, would Jamie Bamber play Jesus and then eventually fat Jesus? Would Katee Sackhoff play Mary Magdalene? I’m fairly sure we all know who would play Judas in this scenario (though he would make a pretty good Jesus too).

• First Look: Liam Neeson As Zeus In Clash Of The Titans
• Anthony Hopkins Agrees To Be Thor‘s Dad

WEST TEXAS COMIC-CON!
Any FB’s in the Lubbock, TX area need to come out and see me at West Texas Comic-Con this Saturday from 10am – 6pm. I’ll have books and shirts and buttons and stuff and things.

CONTEST WINNERS!
The 3 contests are over and here are the winners:

CONTEST 1: Recreate an HE Comic
PRIZE: 1 Copy of Gearbox Software’s Borderlands for PC on Steam
WINNER (chosen by Joel): Chris K. aka NESDude
ENTRY: Check out his awesome video recreation of THIS comic HERE.
To claim your prize, email dopefish3d (at) gmail (dot) com

CONTEST 2: Hottest Fancy Bastard
PRIZE: 1 Copy of Gearbox Software’s Borderlands for PC on Steam
WINNER (chosen entirely by Josh and no one else): Dave L.
ENTRY: Josh didn’t share it with me, so…
To claim your prize, email dopefish3d (at) gmail (dot) com

CONTEST 3: HE Pumpkin Carving
PRIZE: 1 Copy of Terminal Reality’s Ghostbusters for Xbox 360 (donated by Eli)
WINNER (chosen by Eli and Denise): @CallMeSteam
ENTRY: The Elumpkin!
To claim your prize, email elivorio (at) gmail (dot) com

Thank you to everyone that entered. I would like to do more contests like this in the future. I would also like to give a Special Award to Jessica G. for her paper cutting recreation of THIS comic. The detail and effort that went into this is just extraordinary [I would actually really like to own this]. Email me (joel) and I’ll send you a signed print of any comic that you want.

ANOTHER THING FOR HE PODCAST LISTENERS!!!:

Fans of the HE Podcast may appreciate this poster Alex made of El Delorio. That shit is top notch awesome right there. He wanted to offer to runners up on the contests, but I think only the Podcast listeners will get it, so I am considering offering it as a print in the store. Your thoughts?

Threeboot, bitches! New term. Just invented it. You may use it sparingly with my permission. [UPDATE: Yes, I now know that the term “threeboot’ was coined by fans of Legion of Superheroes back before the dawn of time. LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT!]

I honestly can’t think of any other recent threeboots, unless you count The Incredible Hulk and The Hulk.  The Edward Norton version was a loose sequel to the Ang Lee version, so I don’t know if threeboot status applies. Regardless, the idea of Bryan Singer re-rebooting Battlestar Galactica this soon after the end of the SyFy SciFi TV series just seems ludicrous (even though he had the idea nearly a decade ago). The geek community at large still has Sixes and Starbucks and Final Five Cylons on the brain. We’re still reeling with the revelations of season 4 and the intense disappointments of season 4.5. I don’t think we’re quite ready to move on. It’s like breaking up with a girl then immediately dating a different girl with the same name. All your friends would look at you weird.

Now to play Cylon’s advocate: Ron Moore’s BSG series borrowed very little from the original. Many of the names were the same but the characters had virtually none of the same traits as their 70’s counterparts and often not even the same gender. The Cylons in the original series were created by a long dead race of alien lizards so there aren’t really any parallels in that respect either (though I would have preferred “Alien Lizards did it” to “Mommy issues and Jesus did it”). Since the two series were related almost in name only, is it possible that Singer could reboot the original without affecting/tarnishing Ron Moore’s BSG? I think it is. Bryan Singer made both of the good X-Men movies, so we know he has it in him to do this up right. Of course he also made Superman Returns, so there’s a good chance the humans will fall before the Cylon threat because they spent the entire movie running around crying like sad vaginas.

Honestly, the Ron Moore-boot we all loved for 3 (maybe 3 and a half) didn’t even really need to be called Battlestar Galactica other than for instant name recognition and potential nostalgia appeal. It could have been called Battleship Galactitron, or Spacelaser Hyperdrive Boat and I still would have watched it. This new-boot movie probably won’t resemble MY BSG enough to truly make me angry at it. I want to approach this with an open mind because I want more good scifi on TV and in the theaters. What would be super rad is if this movie is so popular they turn it into a TV series. Then the universe would implode.

• BATTLESTAR GALACTICA Movie Fast Tracked?!?! Bryan Singer Confirmed On-board!!
• Bryan Singer’s BSG: It’s On
• Finally, a Re-Imagining of ‘Battlestar Galactica’

Here’s the 2nd installment of this week’s “Lo FiJiNKS” comics. The preorder for the book is going amazingly well. Much better than I expected. Big thanks to everyone who has preordered so far.

As of this posting there are only about 35 Ultimate Fancy Editions left!

What other scifi vet would you like to see guest star on Dollhouse? I hear there was talk of having Summer Glau on at some point. I would like to see Eddie Olmos emote the hell out of that Dollhouse, personally.

• Breaking: ‘Dollhouse’ recruits ‘Battlestar’ vet
• We’ve Seen Dollhouse’s Lost Post-Apocalyptic Episode!
• ‘Dollhouse’ scoop: Amy Acker to return
• 3 Ways The Dollhouse DVD Box Set Can Reprogram Your Brain

Last weekend was Dallas Comic Con. I didn’t go but Denise and Eli made it out to take some pics. Colonel Tigh (Michael Hogan) was there sans eye patch which seemed like a problem that should have been rectified. I can only hope that he answered each question in the affirmative by letting out that famous Caprican strip club “YEEAAAARRRGGGGHHH!” from the BSG finale.

• Denise’s Photos from Dallas Comic Con
• Eli’s Photos from Dallas Comic Con

• The Stars Orbiting the Sci-Fi Expo in Richardson, Ready for their Close-Ups

I think I’ve mentioned that I’ll be attending The New England Webcomics Weekend once or twice. I’m very excited to catch up with webcomicer friends, make some new ones and hang out with some Fancy Bastards.

There was some talk on the Twitters of throwing together an impromptu Battlestar Galactica Finale viewing tonight during the “Pub Crawl” phase of NEWW. I am all for that. I know if I try to wait until I get home on Monday some internet mother fucker is going to spoil the ending for me. If you see me racing through the streets of Easthampton, MA naked, covered in blood and screaming in my Col. Tigh voice you can rest assured I was a victim of spoilage most foul.

So, can you name all the webcomics peoples in today’s comic? I’ll give you a clue… one of them is me. If you’re watching the BSG Final Frakfest tonight, what are your plans? A group assault with your whole Viper squadron or a solo mission so no one sees the tears?

I’ll be out of touch until next week in every fashion other than Twitter, so follow me up on it and I’ll keep you up to date on which of your favorite webcomic creators is the most drunk at any given time.

• The Night Battlestar Galactica Took Over The U.N.

• Sci Fi Channel Changes Its Name To A Typo

• Daniel Was Battlestar’s Biggest Fiasco, Says Ron Moore

Sometimes he makes her wear an eye patch and call him “The Old Man.”

Isn’t it about time these two frakked? Or do you believe, as I do, that Adama and Roslin have been knocking space boots since New Caprica? Or are you of the opinion, as so many unfortunately are, that you have no idea what this comic is about because you don’t watch Battlestar Galactica (shame on you, bad geek, BAD GEEK!)?

I know ultraspecificSPLODE comics like these are bound to alienate a vast number of you Fancy Bastards, but BSG has nearly run its course and I have to get this stuff out of my system while it’s still relevant.

Even if you don’t know the specifics of the Roslin/Adama relationship dynamic, you can still enjoy the fact that two old people are banging in space. That’s Grade-A Hotness right there. To make it even nastier, the lady involved is bald and dying of cancer (queue the “bow-chicka-wow-wow” music)!  I know, right? If you are too turned on to continue reading this, feel free to stop here and go have some sex.

……….

Did I mention the dude portion of this futuristic elderly sexcapade has a face so leathery and scarred with pock marks, craters, cracks and crevaces that it looks like the Moon and an old couch bad a baby? This pairing is oozing with sexual intercourse appeal… and probably some BenGay.

• Lego Galactica Clusterfrak So Big It Can Probably Crush a Real Cylon Baseship

[Credit goes to Eli for coming up with the de-cornered condom wrappers. That shit is gold.]

I’m sure a decent sized chunk of the people reading this don’t watch Battlestar (why? don’t you love happiness?), so here’s the cliff notes: Battlestar Galactica is a show, it’s 35,000 surviving humans vs. millions of robots called Cylons, some of the Cylons look human and one is still hiding among us, some of the Cylons (called Hybrids) are submerged in tubs of goo, speak only in math and riddles and occasionally go nuts and tell the future, and one of those “goo tubs,” along with a shit-ton of other BSG props and swag, are going on sale soon (link to actual auction site).

I will simultaneously pitty and envy the dude that drops $30-40,000 on a full sized Cylon Raider. In other BSG news, the prequel series Caprica finally got a full season greelight with a 2 hour pilot/movie. Despite being set in the BSG universe (50 years earlier) it’s not supposed to feel like BSG at all. I will certainly give it a try, but I can see myself losing interest pretty quick if it ends up being “FAMILY DRAMA IN SPACE!” Will they maintain continuity and have the kid playing young Bill Adama fall face first into a meat grinder so that he can one day be played by Edward James Olmos?

So back to the props: if you could take any prop from a film or TV show and repurpose it for every day use, what would it be? Death Star chandelier? Planet of the Apes Statue of Liberty Coat Rack? Back to the Future DeLorean…Delorean (ya’ know, to drive and be awesome in)?

Check that out! They look fantastic. I’m wearing my “Roslin ’08” shirt right now. Today I am picking up a printer for shipping labels and a postage scale. The plastic shirt envelopes I ordered to ship these in should arrive early next week. Once I have those, this batch will be heading out to all you Fancy Bastards. Thank you, again for your patience.

International FB’s, thank you for your contined patience since I have no idea when yours will actually arrive. All I know is that I will be sending them out with the North America shirts. I’ll post the date I  ship them on the site. Please let me know how long thy take to arrive so I can add international estimates to the Store FAQ.

Please send pictures of you wearing your shirts when they arrive. I’ll be posting them on the site soon. 

“Po-Ta-Toes!”

This is one of those comics that I didn’t have to write, because it just happened. Josh wanted to kill me and be done with it. He said I couldn’t be trusted and there was nothing left but evil in me, but Eli wouldn’t let him do it. Eli had to believe that there was hope for me, because that would mean there may still be hope for him. He recognized that we shared the same burden. We had both been forever changed by The Lord of the Rings Trilogy marathons on TNT HD.

In the end I bit off Josh’s finger when he tried to take the remote and change the channel.

This comic is also a shout out to the listeners of the HijiNKS Ensue Podcast. If you want to be in on all the fun times, download a podcast or subscribe to the feed. Then you will get all the super secret inside jokes.

PODCAST FEEDS:

WOW! Sorry for the late comic guys. This one took way longer than expected and I used last night to reset my sleep schedule. One of the caveats of working from home is you can stay up drawing until 3 am and sleep until 11 the next day. A week of that and I’m all screwed up. Looks like I’m back on track for the rest of the week.

The special preview of Iron Man during the Battlestar Galactica premier was almost as exciting as BSG. It looks amazing. Hell, they could show that 2 min trailer over and over and over in the theatre and I would pay to see it.

What do you think? Is Iron Man going to be a Spiderman 1, Spiderman 2 or Batman Begins? Or is it a Spiderman 3, Ghostrider, Elektra or Fantastic 4: ROTSS?

My vote is John Faverau is a comic geek and will do right by all of us.

What were the best and worst comic book movie adaptations since, let’s say, 2000.

UPDATE:

Check out the “Run before you can walk” clip.

SciFi Channel has been running a Battlestar Galactica Season 3 marathon for the last week or so. I learned about it yesterday and basically haven’t been productive since. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say BSG is the best show that’s ever been on television. I don’t mean the best SciFi. I mean the best SHOW. In ALL categories.

I don’t really want to write a thesis for why I believe this, because it’s really more of a belief than a theory. I FEEL it in my soul. I have reasons and they are many, but faith isn’t about reasons. It’s about… well, faith. It is also about robots, and space and being totally awesome.

I watched “Exodus” today and I cried (a little). No joke. There were tears. If you can watch that episode without getting misty eyed then I need to check your spine while you have sex because you are probably a Cylon. If it is at all possible I want Bill Adama (not E.J. Olmos) to deliver my eulogy. I want him to deliver it into the receiver end of an old telephone while my friends and family listen from tiny speakers in distant, cramped rooms. I want him to say what an honor it was to have served with such a man as me. And close it with, “Good hunting.”

If none of this means anything to you, then I have a gift for you. That gift is called happiness. Real, lasting happiness. And brotherhood. You will receive this gift when you watch the first 3 season’s of BSG on DVD (don’t forget to Tivo season 4 which starts TODAY (4-4-08).

I watched 1-3 through Netflix. Sometime 4-5 episodes a night. It was like delicious cocaine. This will be  the first season I see on SciFi and in HD. The bad part of that equation is the HD quality on SciFi through DirecTV is balls.

I also hear there is a special 12 noon viewing on SciFi.com today if you are so inclined. Once the first half of the season is over and we don’t any new episodes until 2009, I think I’m going to rewatch the series from the beginning. Then I’m probably going to repeat that process from then until infinity. So say we all.

This will be the first shirt added to the store, and possibly the only one from the old lot (unless anyone is interested in the Dumbldore Shirts).

FYI, I will use these pics in ads, banners, on the site, etc.

Thanks!

Joel

Cally Tyrol is the fifth and final Cylon.

There. I said it. The gauntlet is thrown. What’re ya gonna do? Nothin. Deal with it.

Check out this “Last Cylon Supper” pic and blurb from io9.com (Gawker’s new scifi blog). I wonder if they served toast. I read the clues from Ron D. Moore and I’ve interpreted them thusly: The final-fifth is NOT in that photo (Cally is NOT in that photo), and he refers to Cally and Chief Tyrol’s baby as “seeming to be the 2nd human Cylon hybrid.” There’s your money shot. He SEEMS to be but he’s not. He’s the first biological Cylon baby.

Season four won’t premier until April so we probably won’t get confirmation on this for quite some time. Go ahead, and place your bets in the comments. I’m sticking with my theory (at least until it’s proven completely and utterly wrong).

Until then, here’s a sneak previews:

You don’t have to say it. I already know.  “Hotness.”
I apologize of you soiled yourself.

Number the also:

The shirts from the presale should have arrived or should be arriving soon. Please let me know how you like them and send me a pic of you draped in your new garb.

Cixous over at Livejournal (from the Battlestar Blog) sent me this pic:

I want to make sure everyone that bought a shirt knows how much it means to me. I worked really hard on the designs and I hope they become your favorite shirts. I’m still having a hard time comprehending that people in other countries are wearing things that I crapped out of my brain. The crap-brain boggles. Also, boobies. Check that out. You can’t go wrong.

Want your pic posted on this site? Go pick up a shirt and send me the pic!

Holy shit. The whole TV world is exploding into crazy fucking chaos!

Via AICN.

Kevin Smith is set to direct an episode of Battlestar Galactica during its forth and final season. This could go either way. On the one hand, he’s obviously a fan so he will probably geek all over the script and try to do it justice. On the other hand we might see Baltar go to a donkey show, or Adama get tricked into having sex with Helen Tigh’s corpse.

The more I think about it the more I question the producers’ motives. Never once have wondered what BSG would be like if the dialog revolved more around “ejaculate” and what one might do with said “ejaculate” when in the presence of, let’s say, your mother.

He’s also doing an episode of Heroes Origins where he’s not only writing and directing but also creating the character. I’ve got some predictions on who is hero will be and what abilities they will have:

• Comic book nerd. Born with a wedgie proof ass. No crack.
• 16 year old boy with super stretchy neck for auto-fellatio
• Fat guy with a beard that wears a Batman Suit. No Powers.
• Ben Afleck

Special thanks to everyone who voted for HijiNKS Ensue in Joystiq’s Weekend Webcomic Whimmy Wham Wham Wozzle. Look for a new comic on Thursay (and hopefully every Mondy and Thursday from here on out).

Update:

As I’m sure you’ve heard, the Kevin Smith BSG is NOT happening after all. A reader brought to my attention KS’s own take on the subject:

Kevin Says:
September 4th, 2007 at 8:29 am Well, Kevin Smith himself said on his blog that he’s NOT directing any BSG (even though he wanted to). Apparently there was a conflict.

“I get a message that “Battlestar Galactica” producer Ron Moore’s called, so I return the call and he tells me he’s sorry my directing stint on his program’s not gonna happen.”

http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=346

If you think the weekly Pickle Parties are fantastic, you should see the annual Sausage Fest. It’s a hoot. I would go as far as to say a hoot and a half.

Josh isn’t alone. Many “young wizard enthusiasts” have expressed to me a sense of gloom and uncertainty at the prospect of a Potterless tomorrow. Renewed hope for this sorry lot may lie in the purported forthcoming Encyclopedia Potterotica. J.K. Rowling recently hinted at the possibility of some sort of dark codex of all things witchcraft and wizardry.

Honestly, if you are just seeking new Harry Potter content, look no further than your nearest internet. Fans have literally gagged the internet on original works of fiction and art. Such beautiful art. Arty art…. Ok, it’s mostly Harry sticking it sideways to Ron, Draco, Hagrid or some combination of the three, but if you burn for magical adolescent exploration and adventure it’s out there. That’s all I’m saying.

Regarding the comic: They say every time a fanboy takes a hatchet to the skull, an Angel gets its wings. Your welcome, Clarence. It truly is a wonderful life.

Whedon, Futurama, Battlestar, Heroes, Lost, and a giant crowd showing of “Once More with Feeling” and “Hush.”

Maybe next year?

Because it’s dull, you twit, it’ll hurt more.

Anyone? Robinhood: Prince of Thieves? Anyone? Guy of Gisbourne? No?

Moving on. I just finished Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica. I’m late to this party, but I brought the Barbecue Funyuns. Josh had been telling me for years that I was missing out by not watching BSG. It wasnt that I didn’t care. Oh, contraire. I cared too much.

When I love something, the good people at VivendiUniversalMTVFOXComedyCentralEXXonMobilMrsBairdsBread start the death clock (not the DethKlok). I told that bald headed bastard that If I ever loved this Battlestar that it would be swiftly taken from us all. Rendered asunder like so much Wonderfalls, or dare I say it, Firefly. Why did you leave us Captain Tightpants? Why?

Well, I signed up for the Netflix, put seasons 1 and 2 in the que and immediately started watching BSG…every night. 3 and 4 episodes at a time. “Riker’s Beard, this is good scifi!” I says. 14 seconds later it got canceled. Thats right, my love is cursed. Woe unto to yee that knows my love, for yee shalt be cancel-ed. ALL ARE CANCEL-ED!

Josh tried to convince me that I was part of the problem for not watching it sooner. I pointed out that downloading HDTV rips of the episodes from Bittorrent wasn’t exactly supporting the show either.

I think I actually heard him “Herumph” at that point.