Instead of four panels of crazy nonsense, I should have just written the words, “ANY SOUNDS OF ANY KIND AT ALL,” because that’s truly what I can’t stand to hear coming from the next stall. Any sounds your body makes? Don’t wanna hear ’em. Any grunts, groans or words of self encouragement? No thank you. You taking a phone call mid-act? You’re a garbage person and I STILL don’t want to hear it. The artificial sound of keystrokes as you type out a text? OH MAN I HAVE SO MANY REASONS TO HATE YOU NOW. A) WHY HAVEN’T YOU TURNED OFF THE KEYSTROKE NOISE IN YOUR PHONE SETTINGS?! TWO) WHY ISN’T YOUR PHONE ON SILENT WHEN YOU’RE IN THE BATHROOM?! C) WHY ARE YOU COMMUNICATING WITH PEOPLE WHILE… OK, I can’t fake indignation on that last one, seeing as I am a poop texter myself. Still, all the while my phone and myself are DEAD silent.

My Patrons got a TOTALLY DIFFERENT VERSION OF THIS COMIC with four TOTALLY DIFFERENT JOKES!!! WHAT?!?!? I KNOW!!! THEY’RE SO SMART AND ATTRACTIVE AND LUCKY!!!!!!!

Dearest Sharksploders, please help me get my Patreon over the $2000 hump. Comics is my full time job, but it doesn’t currently pay full time money. I’ve been doing a lot of freelance work lately (which distracts me from making comics) to make ends meet, and I’ve agreed to attend more conventions this year than I really feel comfortable with (which REALLY distracts me from making comics) out of financial fear. Every little bit helps and is QUITE appreciated.

I have completely retooled my Patreon rewards and goals! Become a Patron now and you can help me release more eBooks of my comics and sketches, bonus monthly Patron-Only comics, an album of cover songs, a LOST EPISODE OF THE HIJINKS ENSUE PODCAST, and MORE! Read the details HERE or just check out my Patreon HERE.

From down the hall their manager, Devon, can he heard furiously clapping his hands and shouting, “HEY! HEY! YOU STOP IT! GREG, YOU GET! GET OFF HIM! LET HIM DO HIS BUS-DAMMIT GREG! GET! GEEIT! You dumb piece of shit, Greg.”