Ratatoing and the Little Cars

Many of you have probably already seen this but for those who haven’t had their fill of internet sadness today, I give you SUPER CRAPPY CGI PIXAR/DREAMWORKS RIPOFFS HOORAY!!!!

2008-01-08-ratatoing

Ratatoing? Seriously? The company (which is the wrong term because company implies organization and structure) behind these… things is Branscome International, LLC. Is it me, or does that sound like “Brain Scumb.” They should hire Eli’s friend with the bear.

Michael, I’ve just made a huge mistake

Gob Bluth is the voice of K.I.T.T.? I don’t know if thats the coolest thing I’ve ever heard or some kind of cruel trick…(sorry) illusion.

If you’ve never met the real Eli and you would like to get to know him better, just watch this.

Machine Girl” is basically a love letter to Eli’s brain written in arm stump blood, with a machine gun, on your face.

Last thing: I was talking to the Internet and I asked him what it would be like if an electric carving knife was sodomizing a watermelon. Then I cried because I knew we would never know. The Internet smiled and said, “I thought you’d know me better by now.” Then he unzipped his pants and raped my eye-holes with this video.

The only thing that would make it better would be someone screaming in German throughout the whole clip. THANKS, INTERNET!!! YOU”VE BLINDED ME WITH YOUR PENIS AGAIN!

2 Girls, 1 Cup, 6 Senses

I was first “Goatse‘d” back in the year Nineteen hundred and Ninety Nine, followed shortly by a rousing “Tubgirl‘ing.” I was in intensive care for 3 months. Another 18 months of recuperative therapy and I had almost regained my vision and ability to comprehend language. You see, my brain had simply refused to go on. “Game over, man. Game over. I quit,” says my brain. I would have taken a holiday too if I’d been in his shoes.

That was traumatic, but apparently not EXTREME enough for today’s hip internet youth. Now they have to Rickroll each other into watching some sort of girl-on-girl fecal fetish video that reminds me of the soft serve machine at The Golden Coral. What’s wrong with the youth of this internet.

Here’s me as an old man on a porch,

“In my day we showed our friends still pictures… JPEGs of men with gaping anuses. We didn’t have these online moving pictures to torture anyone with. We’d IM somebody with “Hey, check out this hottie,” then we’d send him a link to a picture of a girl in a bath wearing a stocking on her head and geysering a shit fountain into her own face. It was a simpler time.”

As far as memes go, 2 girls 1 cup is a great way to close out 2007. Let’s go ahead and put a moritorium on memes for the rest of the year. Let’s ride this one out into January, then get back together as a group and decide if we want any more. The same process that brought us Laugh Out Loud Felines, has also caused me to know what it looks like when women that have been eating shit throw up on each other. That’s unacceptable, internet. You should know better.

I guess the guy that “directed it” is in trouble. All I know is Jacky needs to talk to somebody.

Also, “2 girls, 1 cup” sounds like a great name for a lesbian coffee shop.

Try and Pull This One Off, Cosplayers

The internet wins again.

Here’s a review of Heavenly Sword(s) from The Escapist. Pay attention around minute mark 1:02. I’m not saying this is a picture of Josh dressed as Kratos from God of War from Halloween last year… but, yes that’s exactly what I’m saying.

I doff my cap to you, Internet.

Cratos-Josh

UPDATE:

Oh noes. They’ve linked it on Penny Arcade.  I guess about 3 million people just saw that video.