The Show Is Over, Say Goodbye

David is my con-wife, and thus it is my responsibility to take care of him. I make sure he gets where he needs to be, that he’s well fed and that he stays hydrated during the day. Any free food or snacks or luxuries of any kind that I am afforded via fans or acquaintances, I do my best to share with him. In return he doesn’t put up too much of a fight when I convince him that any free booze “WE” were given by fans was actually meant for “ME” and I am “PROBABLY” going to “SHARE” it with him. He also repays me in how he falls asleep very quickly at night and lays there, mostly silent, while I stare at the ceiling wishing I could sleep in any bed other than my own. That is, unless I try to watch TV or keep the lights on past his bedtime. Then he gets VERRRRY cranky.

The pants difficulties depicted above actually happened to David and his MARITAL wife as we all were leaving Seattle this year. I’d like to take credit, but, “The more you pull it, the longer it gets!” is an actual thing David, an actual adult human, exclaimed in an airport as his MARITAL wife pawed and grasped at his crotchital region. At that moment, the muse spoke to me, and I wrote down everything he said. It was poetry in pants problems.


COMMENTERS: Do you have a con-wife, or a work-spouse,  or a consummate travel partner or any other kind of oddly intimate, but non-sexual relationship that seems to only activate in a certain place or while performing a certain activity?

Candy Is Dandy, But Liquor Is Quicker

Despite Joel being the actual culprit in this comic, in real life whenever the issue of, “Who will drink this ridiculous nonsense liquid?” comes up, David Willis can generally be called on to do the job. Birthday cake vodka and Mountain Dew, whipped cream vodka and Rootbeer, fan-donated Courvoisier and a few Cadburry eggs… you get the idea. He’s like a garbage disposal for… liquid garbage. Is that a thing? Oh, right. A toilet. He’s a toilet.

I used to pride myself on my ability to haggle. I was quite good at it. I was in sales for 10 years (thus the penchant for finding the best “deal”) and many of those years were spent on the phone doing various kinds of product and service support. This experience afforded me the fortunate burden of “being on the other side” of calls with people like me, looking to get something for nothing (or, more accurately, “Something for less than other people typically pay.”). The upside to this was the knowledge that the people “on the other side” can usually sweeten deals, give freebies and remove fees if they feel like. I had those options in my jobs, so I knew they did as well. The downside was dealing with the me’s of the world that KNEW I could sweeten the deal, and instead of just being pleasant or engaging or interesting, thus AFFORDING them whatever special treatment I was able to provide, they  called me out on it and DEMANDED special treatment just because it was possible within the realm of human experience. Well, if every confident dickhead got special treatment, it wouldn’t be very special would it? My time in sales and on the phones follows a very close bell curve of the increase and decline in my interest in haggling. It’s dirty business and a horrific amount of unnecessary effort and frustration in the grand scheme. I prefer to look for good deals online rather than cause other humans the distress of having to deal with people who are “in the know.”


I can still turn on my phone skills when the need arrises. Those who have “served time” with a headset in a cubicle know what I mean. My daughter heard me recently on the phone with some company that we pay for some sort of service or other, and she commented, “Daddy! You sound like a TV guy!”

COMMENTERS: Have you ever talked your way out of being charged for something that you TOTALLY should have been charged for?

ALTERNATELY: Do you have any useful skills that you acquired from a job or experience that you hated? 

The Cleaner

I had A LOT of fun making this comic for some reason. Perhaps it was sleep deprivation induced euphoria, but the dialog, the inks, everything was just a blast to create. Especially that blanket in panel 2. I am super proud of that blanket. That’s a GOOD blanket (cartoonists get excited about weird things). I hope you like it.

I taught cartooning to my daughter’s 1st grade class this week and I made a cover of one of my favorite Pixies songs as a thank you to my Patreon Patrons. My Patrons also got to see a rough version of this comic early (hint hint).


I also made you this super cute Adventure Time/Doctor Who shirt. GO BUY IT!