A Lament For Language

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

funny scifi parody t-shirt newt 2012 newt for president t-shirt aliens ripley scifi parody

I’m not saying the Internet is making us more stupid. On the contrary. It’s just making us SOUND more stupid. Now if you will pardon me, I have to go update my Frangbo.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever found yourself uttering an Internet-born word or phrase with complete sincerity only to realize later how incredibly dumb it sounded? I still don’t like to say “he Tweeted me” or “they @’d me” in real conversation. I will usually take the long way around to “_____ said this on Twitter.” Alternately, please make up some more fake-but-totally-plausible-sounding social media services. 

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

Events Both Contemporary and Relevant

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]



In other, more shocking news, there is still a thing called Napster. This comic was unwittingly co-written/co-tweeted by Josh A. Cagan, a writer who hails from Satan’s very bosom, L.A. We were introduced by Wil Wheaton at w00tstock SDCC this year and our twitter accounts have been inextricably linked ever since. I give you a strong “FOLLOW” recommendation on the grounds that he is consistently hilarious.

COMMENTERS: Please construct your own headline + tagline combo of equal contemporary relevance to “Rhapsody buys Napter. Entire Internet abuzz with indifference, yawns.” I wonder what Pets.com is up to these days. Also, feel free to share stories of using now obsolete services (online or otherwise).

GUEST WEEK AND NYCC!!!
GUYS! I am going to be at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret next weekend  (10-14 to 10-16). I will have books 1 and 2, T-Shirts (including the new “Winter Is Coming” shirt and maybe a debut of another new shirt), stickers, sketches and prints. I am going to be staying in Brooklyn so I hope to hit up the Doctor Who themed bar, The Way Station. Maybe we can do a bit of an informal Fancy Bastard Meetup there.

While I am gone, I will be running a few guest comics created just for you by several of my webcomicing cohorts (Paul Southworth, Sam Logan, Randy Milholland and Alina Pete). Based on what I’ve seen so far, this will be the most epic HE guest week ever.

Bonus Comic For Fans Of The @Nerdist Podcast

I enjoy me some Nerdist Podcast, so while listening to Chris Hardwick lament about a topsy turvy world where no one but himself knew what cottage cheese was, I was inspired to make this comic. WARNING: This comic makes MUCH more sense if  you have listened to Nerdist Podcast Episode #114, which is why it’s posted down here and not up in the main comic area.

If you are new to the site and you dig this comic, you might like some more comics about Doctor Who, AppleTech, Sci-Fi, featuring Chris Hardwick or our mutual friend Wil Wheaton. Also, the HIJINKS ENSUE STORE is a place where you can buy nerdy T-shirts and stuff.

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The Importance Of Seeing Ernest

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

[Posted 6/22/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience.

This comic is part true story, and part half-imagined night terror. Seriously, this comic is like when you first wake up and try to remember your dream. The ideas are there but you can feel them slipping away by the second. Is… is that your father? No… it’s Mr. T, but he is SUPPOSED to be your father. Well, that’s what writing it was like, at least. I’ve read it at least a dozen times and I can’t come up with a decent explanation for the sheer level of unsheathed bizzarre let loose in its panels. Did they somehow weaponize an airborne version of Four Loko? Am I  “Wide Awake Drunk [TM]” and comicing? Am I currently in a Navajo sweat lodge, purifying my soul with peyote as this comic is whispered to me by the King Of All Raccoons? Was it something as pedestrian as lack of sleep? Nah, it’s probably the magic raccoon thing.

The nugget of honesty is this unwinding tapestry of madness comes from the fact that I wanted to watch Return of the Living Dead III at my birthday party (it’s FANTASTICALLY terrible) and Josh couldn’t find it on his super secret, private, special space cadet decoder ring bit torrent site. He also refused to download it from a public torrent because he’s so above that and better than the rest of us. I’ve probably gotten him in trouble with Anonymous of Lulzsec or whoever just by mentioning that such a site even exists. Oh well.

As to why I had the Ernest movies on the brainparts, I cannot discern. Again, I’m looking to the Raccoon King for answers, but all I’m getting are scraps of river-washed apple spit at me and tiny, deep claw wounds on my face.

COMMENTERS: I challenge you to 1) Come up with the Ernest movies of the last 10 years that Jim Varney never got to make and/or 2) Put Ernest in other classic movies. For instance Schindler’s List becomes Ernest Goes to Concentration Camp. Roots becomes Ernest Slaves Christmas. Wow, those were both really offensive. That just sort of happened. Sorry.

A Bit Of Confusion

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

BIG NEWS! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a while so I can make some big exciting changes. If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back in case you want one of those.

NEWS2: You can hear me briefly on this ABC Australia podcast, Nerdzilla, talking about X-Men: First Class. The full interview will be posted sometime next week.

NEWS 3: I have donated a copy of HijiNKS ENSUE Volume 2: My Heart Is A Hate-Filled Pineapple to be auctioned off by the Toronto Chapter of Can’t Stop The Serenity. It features THIS SKETCH. The auction is June 18th.

NEWS 4: The story I recorded for the Machine Of Death Podcast, “Loss Of Blood,” can be downloaded NOW. It’s been so long since I recorded it that I can’t remember if I sucked or not. Either way the story is very cool.

I really don’t have any idea what Bitcoins are, but I’m pretty sure they’re going to usher in the economicopalypse. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my bunker where I’ve been hoarding canned beets and D cell batteries… both for their nutritional content.

COMMENTERS: I seriously don’t understand Bitcoins. Like, not at all.