My Uncle The Astronaut

Molested by an astronaut. There’s your answer. What else could explain why Fox would launch a cerebral, high concept scifi show produced by Joss Whedon (Dollhouse) in the very same 9pm Friday time slot that obliterated their last cerebral, high concept scifi show produced by Joss Whedon (Firefly)? Moon-pedophiles.

Before you ask, it’s a little know fact that network executives have a goatee from birth.

I hate to say it, but given all the recent delays, rewrites and production problems, I’d almost rather they just canned the show now and let me say goodbye before I really get hooked. I would like to point out that Dollhouse is premiering on Friday the 13th. That’s how I likes my omens. Good and ominous.

How about a shirt that says Friday Night on Fox : Where TV Shows Go To Die”?

UPDATE:

I made the shirt.

I wasn’t too happy with the final design, so I took it down for revisions.

The Chronic-What?-cles of Sarah Connor

There you go. Josh IS an evil, hate filled robot from the future after all.

Despite a slight climb in last week’s ratings, it is highly likely that “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” will get thrown into a vat of molten steel, only to give a final Fonzyesque thumbs up before liquefying into oblivion (by which I mean it’s probably getting canceled).

I’ll spare you the comparisons to every other quality sci-fi show Fox has canceled prematurely. It’s cliche at this point. The thing I really appreciate about T:SCC is that it’s a simple premise and it delivers every time. Unlike Heroes and LOST, Terminator isn’t trying to be all things to all geeks. It’s not setting it self up for disappointment. The formula is simple (must stop robot apocalypse), and it’s delivered with above average writing and acting. If you haven’t watched it yet, I implore to you check it out on Hulu. Despite the overlying arch, the episodes are fairly self contained so you can pick it up pretty much anywhere.

Season 1 only made it to 10 episodes before the writers strike, so the current season still feels like the end of the first. Unlike Heroes, Terminator didn’t drop everything and start a new story after the strike. Also, unlike Heroes, Terminator doesn’t infuriate me at every opportunity.

Fox either needs to stop cancelling all of it’s high quality sci-fi shows before they have a chance to find an audience or just stop making them all together. If you don’t know how to market them, or don’t have the patience to let them properly gestate then stick to your strengths: reality shows about skanks, gameshows about skanks, reality game shows about skanks and skanks on parade in all their glorious skankdom.

Come with me if you want to love

His CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer. You honestly have no idea how many times I’ve seen that movie. Let’s just say the number of times was a lot. A lot of times. Google is definitely trying to buy part of the air or the waves or the bleep-bloops or something. Google’s open mobile handset os platform strategic initiative alliance (they should have called it GOMHOPSIA), dubbed Android, is poised to create a very attractive, very open alternative to Windows Mobile 6 (they should call it Windows Mobile Sux… are ya’ with me? Ha ha… right?) and the iPhone. One speculation is that they are bidding on the 700mhz squiggly lines because they intend to go forward WITHOUT a cell phone carrier to partner with. How rad would that be? Super rad. I hope they don’t even charge for cell service and instead Android listens to your calls and targets ads to you based on what you talked about that day. Like if you have a 2 hour break up call with your girlfriend, Android can txt msg you with alcohol and hooker ads. If you were about to say “Super Rad,” we are on the same page. If Google does end up building a real android, I hope it comes out more like Data than Lore. Lore was intensely clever but ultimately evil. Data played the violin and loved his cat. He wasn’t that great of a whistler but he never fed a colony to a space dwelling entity, did he? I’m sure Dr. Soong’s Christmas family newsletters were primarily full of Data related news.

The Soongs have had a blessed year. Data received another commendation from Starfleet this year. He was promoted to Commander, he mastered over 600 styles of classical painting, learned to dream, created a daughter, made sweet love to a lesbian security officer and bested evil holodeck characters on 4 separate occasions. Lore killed a planet. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

(If none of that last bit made sense, start reading here.)

Here’s the webcomic remix blank

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Have fun with it and email your entries to comics(at)hijinksensue(dot)com before Monday.

I only got 1 entry for the Doug Morris comic remix. If anyone else wants to submit one, let me know and I will hold off on posting it. Here’s the blank again.

Chicken in a bread pan picken’ out dough

Josh had, what I like to call, a moment of clarity when I told him that “Devil Went Down to Georgia was the King Koopa of Guitar Hero 3. A wave of calm came over him. He shed a single, joyful tear and he said softly “I know now what I have to do. I know what you have been preparing me for.” He was talking to his 360. It was like years of training and suffering were about to pay off.

I guess I get it. I suppose if you spent all of your time masturbating and them someone told you there was going to be this big masturbating contest and only the best masturbators could compete you would be pretty happy. Ya’ know, because you’ve nearly ruined your penis with all the masturbating but you’ve gotten really good at it and you want a chance to show the world. Actually, Josh should just sign up for that.

Update: 

Just to be clear, Josh does actually put his penis down from time to time in order to fondle a different instrument. He apparently does so which such prowess that he’s wasted his life away right into the top 1% of Guitar Hero 2 360 players world wide.

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Congratulate or pity him. It’s all the same.

Project Cloverfield: Top Secret Bath Gel?

J.J. Abrams has been quite geek-prolific these last few years. I can almost forgive him for Felicity. I remember when I told Josh “Cloverfield” might be a Cthulhu movie. He shit out his soul right then and there. He has a plush version of the “Great Old One” on his desk.

Zachary Quinto being cast as Spock is an interesting and appropriate choice. Just look at the logic in those eyebrows!

In what may be his worst lapse in judgement (or anyone else’s for that matter), internets have it that J.J. wants to put Tom “Fear me for I am Galactic Space Lord Xenu!” Cruise in the new Trek as Captain Christopher Pike. People keep trying to find new and exhilarating ways to make me hate Star Trek. I hope they hobble that alien worshiping shit bag with a tire iron and stuff him in that beeping iron lung/washing machine from The Cage.

For what it’s worth, I think Wesley would turn out to be a Sith. He’s got daddy issues. If any Hollywood-types are interested, I am willing to sell the rights to “Geek-Splosion” and the geek-quel, “Geek-splosion II: Xena and the Highlander Race Light Cycles with Tron and the Goonies, and at least one of the Corey’s…..Seaquest, War Games, Last Starfighter.” Let me rifle through a box of old VHS in the garage and we can work out a deal for episodes 3 through 6 too.

Bastian, say my name! Yeahhh. Say it, bitch. Momma like. Who’s your empress?”