Events Both Contemporary and Relevant

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]



In other, more shocking news, there is still a thing called Napster. This comic was unwittingly co-written/co-tweeted by Josh A. Cagan, a writer who hails from Satan’s very bosom, L.A. We were introduced by Wil Wheaton at w00tstock SDCC this year and our twitter accounts have been inextricably linked ever since. I give you a strong “FOLLOW” recommendation on the grounds that he is consistently hilarious.

COMMENTERS: Please construct your own headline + tagline combo of equal contemporary relevance to “Rhapsody buys Napter. Entire Internet abuzz with indifference, yawns.” I wonder what Pets.com is up to these days. Also, feel free to share stories of using now obsolete services (online or otherwise).

GUEST WEEK AND NYCC!!!
GUYS! I am going to be at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret next weekend  (10-14 to 10-16). I will have books 1 and 2, T-Shirts (including the new “Winter Is Coming” shirt and maybe a debut of another new shirt), stickers, sketches and prints. I am going to be staying in Brooklyn so I hope to hit up the Doctor Who themed bar, The Way Station. Maybe we can do a bit of an informal Fancy Bastard Meetup there.

While I am gone, I will be running a few guest comics created just for you by several of my webcomicing cohorts (Paul Southworth, Sam Logan, Randy Milholland and Alina Pete). Based on what I’ve seen so far, this will be the most epic HE guest week ever.

Numerology

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]



[posted 10/7/11] I had this comic written and half drawn when I got the hospital to visit my friend Mikey on Wednesday night. It was about 7:30pm and I had been away from a computer or Twitter for 2 hours or so. I get into Mikey’s room we start talking about his treatment, and his projects at work. “Yeah, and now that Steve Jobs is dead…” comes out of his mouth in the middle of our conversation. That’s a weird way to get the news. Anyway, I decided to hold the comic until after I posted a tribute strip [HERE] and people had a few days to process the his passing. So here’s my snarky commentary about the hypnotic powers of numbers being added to the names of things. Enjoy.

COMMENTERS: Are you upgrading to the iPhone 4s? Are you disappointed it isn’t a completely redesigned iPhone 5? Do you think any key features are missing or that people should just be grateful for their magical future phones? Also, WTF is going on with cellular, txt and data pricing? Txt msg’ing is a completely obsolete technology that just keeps getting MORE AND MORE EXPENSIVE for LESS AND LESS service. My first phone came with 3000 minutes, unlimited nights and weekends and something like 500 txts included for $35. Now plans with under 500 minutes, no txting and a few GB of capped data run over $100. WTFFFF?

Splitster

Sci-Five, Sci 5 T-Shirt, Vulcan High Five, Geek Shirts, Sci-fi nerd shirts, geek tee shirts

Reed Hastings seems like a made up CEO name. Like someone that moves to Hollywood and changes their name to Selby Feingold to Rock Explosionhole or somehting. I feel like this guy has the right idea in wanting to hedge his bets that streaming will overtake physical media for movie distribution in the coming years, but his decision to split Netflix into two companies (thus raising prices, and confusion for customers) is definitely shortsighted. The real problem for me is that neither side of Netflix, streaming or DVDs by mail, was really worth my money. It was the combination of both services for one price that made it worth while. I only take one physical DVD from them maybe ever 6-8 weeks and I only watch 4-5 streaming shows a month (most of which are for my daughter). All of that in total was worth the $9 I was paying. Of course now that fee is $16 and soon it will be split between two sites with two logins and two different credit card charges. I’m not entirely sure what the fee breakdown is going to be when the dust settles, but I have a feeling I will be far less enthusiastic about keeping both services, which in turn will make me less likely to keep either.

Unless Netflix come out in the next couple of months with some KILLER content deals, I don’t see me sticking around for that long. They are going to need something along the lines of EVERY major hollywood release available for streaming no more than 30 days after the DVD hits stores to keep their product viable. Something tells me that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. The only thing that makes me hesitate abandoning them in favor of other streaming sites and RedBox is the back catalog. If I really want to see The Last Starfighter and I don’t already own it, Netf… Qwikster is going to be my only legitimate option… unless that movie is already on streaming. I haven’t checked.

I think Hastings needs to integrate his “divide to accommodate” strategy into every aspect of his life. “Hey kids, from now on the person known as ‘Dad’ is going to split into two entities. ‘Dad’ will still be around if you need advice on dating, or help with your homework, but when you step out of line, don’t clean your room or break curfew you are going to have to answer with ‘THE PAIN HAMMER.’ Remember, ‘Dad’ will always love you and be there for you, but ‘THE PAIN HAMMER’ is going to crush you.

COMMENTERS: What other changes or alternative delivery methods could Qwikster implement to grab our attention? What other companies or institutions could be broken up into smaller, more confusing entities? Perhaps “The Post Office” will still sell stamps and envelopes, but if you actually want to mail something you have to deal with “BlergBlorg,” the Internet startup that consists of mail trucks that randomly drive around major US cities collecting mail from people lucky enough to find them. Also, who already owns the Twitter names of the new companies? @BlergBlorg belong to a convicted sea lion rapist.

Serious question: If you have Netflix, are you going to keep both services? Just one? Neither? Why?

Kids With The Fluxed Up Kicks

Alternate Title: “The Prestige”

The year 2015, otherwise known as THE FUTURE, is rapidly approaching and before it gets here I have two questions: 1)What exactly happens to us as a society in the next 4 years that leads to flying cars, hover boards, dustless paper, advanced de-aging treatments and simultaneously gives us shittier TV picture quality, sub par vector holograms, crappy cell phone/sunglasses headsets and gets us back to using fax machines in nearly every room of the house? I can only assume we discover cold fusion and, on the same day, a techno-organic virus wipes out at least half of all technology created after 1994.

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this littler operation going.

2) Sure the Nike Air Mags worn by Marty McFly in Back To The Future II SEEM really cool in the context of the film, but are we forgetting that these were NOT Marty’s shoes? They were Marty McFly JUNIOR’s shoes. And Junior was, to use the future parlance, a butthead. Since when does the biggest dweeb have the most awesome shoes? I foresee only two explanations. Either Mags were cool a few years prior and he is the one kid that’s all “Dudes! I finally got me some Mags! Can we all be bros now?” and they’re all “Mags are SO 2013, McFly, you insufferable butthead.” OR the concept of power laces was invented to help kids with poor motor control due to birth defects caused by your father probably having banged his own mother in the past thus causing him to be HIS own father and both your father and grandfather.

I mean, come on! Marty Sr. looks and acts exactly like… Marty [himself, the strange sea-faring drifter from 1955] and nothing like George McFly. And you know Lorraine was harboring some feelings for her childhood fling when she named her child after him. The fact that both Marty Jr. and his sister don’t just resemble but have THE EXACT SAME FACE as Marty Sr. proves that gene pool has a nice layer of paradoxical incest-algae floating on top of it. Who knows? Maybe it all really started when Marty banged some 1850’s prostitute while rescuing Doc from the old west who turned out to be his maternal great grandmother.

[DOCTOR WHO SEASON 6 SPOILERS] Time does crazy things to the in vitro human body. Hell, Amy’s and Rory’s kid turned out to be half Time Lord just because they got busy inside a TARDIS. [/DOCTOR WHO SEASON 6 SPOILERS] Can you imagine what Marty’s constant time stream surfing has done to his poor man-onaise? He probably ejaculates a purple florescent magnetic gel. Speaking of Time Lords, I was going to call this comic “Wibbly Wobbly Marty Warty” but then I realized it sounded like I was making fun of Michael J. Fox. If you laughed at that last sentence (as I did), you are terrible.

COMMENTERS: When I was a kid I said a little prayer each night that EVERYTHING shown in BTTF2‘s 2015 would come to pass. Now I just pine for hoverboards. What future tech from a movie or TV show were you really hoping we would have by now? What are you still holding out hope for?

The Macchanal

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The HIJINKS ENSUE STORE Is where you can buy stuff that I made! It supports me and my family and keeps this little operation going.

I keep trying to find a way to honestly call this a “mostly true” story, but my integrity won’t let me. It’s a completely true story. When Josh told me his one month old Macbook Air had been damaged, I was mostly curious as to why he still owned a computer that was already a month old. He’s not usually one to deal in antiques. Then I wondered if it had perhaps been cut on its own sharpness. Next I suggested he buff out the damage with toothpaste (which I hear is a thing people do). When he informed me that said damaged with an actual crack in the glass, I wanted to suggest maybe using that stripy toothpaste or some of those whitening trays. Then I figured that not ALL dental health products related to laptop screen repair. Before I could make fun of his hardship further, Apple just gave him a new Macbook Air. I assume the genius in question pulled up his purchase history, saw that it was greater than the GNP of most small island countries, immediately offered a thousand pardons for making him wait so long and poured him a glass of champagne with a hundred dollar bill floating in it.

COMMENTERS: Josh did actually crack his new Macbook Air by dropping a $250 remote control on it. What’s the dumbest way you’ve ever damaged something valuable? Any good stories about getting something replaced for free? Have at it.