It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane, It’s An Incredibly Handsome Plane

Whatever crime Josh was being accused of, I’m certain that my testimony only served to strengthen his case. I obviously proved myself a credible witness of sound mind and sound theories about who should play the next Superman [hint: It’s Jon Hamm].

Oh yeah. A little poison space potato told me THE FREAKIN’ EWOK STARE SHIRTS [based on THIS comic] are  IN THE STORE!

Ewok Stare Shirt
More info about the shirt HERE.

Speaking of shirts, the shirt I mentioned in the comic is one I designed for the Sklarbro Country Podcast and yes, Jon Hamm did actually get caught wearing one by the paparazzi. Yep. Boner times all around. If you are a sports and comedy fan I would give SBC a listen. Hell, I don’t even understand sportsballing and I really enjoy it.

Speaking of Podcasts I enjoy and Jon Hamm and Superman and whether or not Hamm is interested in being Superhamm, all of those things are addressed in THIS EPISODE of Never Not Funny with Jimmy Pardo feating Jon “Kal Hamm El” Hamm.

Clarkanthropy

Afterward I wake up naked in a field, covered in deer blood.

Smallville Season 8 premiered last night. I watched it. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I watched the 7 seasons preceding this one. Smallville is the most schizophrenic show on television. Entire characters, plot points and integral story arcs are swept under the rug from episode to episode and forgotten about by all involved. Plot holes big enough to drive a moon through are standard. Completely ignoring or rewriting a character’s personality to serve the week’s semi-plot is a more than common occurance. Remember when Lana was a fucking reincarnated witch? Smallville is a day time soap masquerading as Geek-TV.

Please, for the love of Zod, cancel this bastard asshole of a TV show so I can get on with my life. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will watch it until its end, so my only hope is that fate intervene and render it assunder. SET ME FREE OF THIS EPISODIC COCK-KNOCKERY!

The head’s name is Jor L. Ron


The Tom Cruise Trilogy (as it will forever be known) has come to it’s logical conclusion… that L. Ron Hubbard was a human vessel housing the soul of an evil alien Galactic Emperor, and Tom Cruise made a baby (emphasis on “made” because I’m thinking there was a space lab involved) in order for him to recorporialize and dominate this sector of space. Logical.

Truthfully, read that first paragraph, then read up on Scientology. Is it ANY crazier than what they actually believe?

I’m glad this trilogy is over and I can get back to making fun of Lost and Steve Jobs and Star Trek, etc, etc. Glad only because the concept of Tom Cruise as a magical super hero was starting to consume my being. I would wake up in the middle of the night, tearing at my flesh and screaming Tom-comic ideas at the moon.

Here are a few that I considered before going with “The Fortress of Scientologitude“:

  • L. Ron is Darth Siddious, Tom is Anakin, Thetans are Midichlorians. The story writes itself. Tom strangles Katie Holmes with his mind and she dies during silent child birth. Tom fights (I dunno) Val Kilmer on a lava world and his scorched remains are transplanted into a cyborg body. “NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!”
  • L. Ron is Vigo, the Scourge of Carpathia. He lives in a painting and he wants to posses Katie’s child that he may rule for 1000 years. There’s a river of pink slime under the city, yadda yadda yadda, and Tom Cruise pilots a beheaded Statue of Liberty to save the day. This is similar to the direction I went but had great potential for for a Bobby Brown theme song over the end credits.
  • Tom is the Commander of a disputed space station orbiting a war torn planet, and he is also the emmisary of their wormhole dwelling god-aliens. L. Ron is a Cardassian military leader that rose to political power during war time, and Katie is a refugee from the occupied planet turned resistence fighter. Ummm…John Travolta is a shape shifter with unknown origins, and his people have an army of mind-programmed clones. Let’s say Kirstie Alley plays the station.

Honestly, this one wouldn’t have been funny because it’s too close to the truth.

I want to make a desktop from the Tom Cruise Trilogy. Any suggestions? I also REALLY want to do a podcast. Would you listen? Let me know.

Superman II: The Quest For an Unlocked iPhone

What is up with the tardiness? The last several days I’ve been hard at work on the Super Secret Project(TM). Enough with the waiting, here it is: Apple Insider Comics. A.I. approached me about doing a comic series for them after reading my iPhone Rebate comic. Have a look and drop me a line with your feedback. This should be fun.

I hope you enjoyed today’s comic. This one is a thinker. What does Steve Jobs or the iPhone have to do with Superman II? It’s a riddle. I’ll give you a clue. The answer is hidden somewhere in the comic. Here’s another clue. They don’t have anything to do with each other and the comic doesnt make any sense. In actuality, I was talking to Mikey about Terrance Stamp last weekend and as I drifted off instead of listening to him, I came up with this comic.

THE CREATIVE PROCESS REVEALED!!!

I wonder what Steve’s name is in this one. Steve-El? Jor-Obs? I guess the silken thread connecting all these unrelated concepts was that Steve said, “Go ahead! h4X0rz the shit out of the iPhone!” Then, later, he redacted that statement with, “OH NOZ! Do not h4X0rZ teh iPwn3!!! They R tryz 2 steal mah buckit!!!”

Seriously, I’m just putting LOLCATS references in everything I do from now on.

“Mr. Watson, the charges against you are very serious. How do you plead?”

“Your Honor, Teh gluvs do not fit! I CAN HAZ AQUIT?”

That’s exactly how I am rolling from now on.

I will conclude with this brief tale of woe. I call it, “The Worst Illegal File Sharing Scenario Ever.”

I was working on this comic and realized I needed to see the opening scene of Superman II to get the look right. I IM’d Josh and he had it, but only on HD-DVD. So my brilliant idea is to have us both open iChat and have him point his Macbook Pro at the screen. Admittedly, that is a retarded idea but it gets worse. Josh’s new apartment doesn’t have internet yet, so he is leeching WiFi from his neighbor’s signal… which only works in his bathroom. He’s been interneting on the toilet for a week. So he tried to record it with iMovie and email it to me, but iMovie freaked out. Then he pulls out his point and shoot camera and records the first 5 minutes of Superman II to SD card and transfers the AVI to me over IM. Then we invented the vulcanization process making the wide spread use of rubber possible and practical! Seriously, this was dark ages shit we were attempting. I’m surprised there wasn’t a Dictaphone involved.