Making An X-Ception

I realized recently that I never said anything about Marmaduke. So why not take a commentary about X-Men: First class needing some rewrites due to previously unknown similarities to Inception and just shoehorn that giant fucking dog right in there? It makes perfect (anti)sense. Ahh, but the reference doesn’t fit because the dog is just too darn big. And in that remarkable bigness lies the humour. You can’t see the humor, though.

Because the dog’s so big.

He blocks the joke.

With his bigness.

COMMENTERS: What other scenes is Matthew Vaughn going to have to remove from his X-men reboot for being too similar to another film?

I’ve been making more posts in The Vault recently [behind the scenes on two secret logo projects for big name comedians, a secret t-shirt that may never see the light of day, and the rough sketch of this particular comic (featuring deleted dialog)]. If you want access to all the Vaulty goodness, please consider making a donation. If you REALLY enjoy HE and want to see it continue, how about a monthly donation subscription of $5, $10 or $20? Your donations actually represent about 1/3 of my income from the comic and I rely on them like they were… well, 1/3 of my income. Please know that I appreciate your kindness and generosity immensely.

HijiNKS ENSUE Vol 1 Godspeed You Fancy Bastard @ Topatoco

MY BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE THROUGH TOPATOCO!
This is excellent news since you can now purchase one of my more popular shirt designs and a book at the same time and save on shipping/hassle.

I’ll be removing personalized artist editions from the store later today (maybe tomorrow) so if you want one ORDER NOW.

Sugar And Spice And Everything Knives

Unseen 4th Panel: The little girl does a backward kick flip off a food court trashcan, pulls a butterfly knife from her boot and uses it to draw a unicorn in Josh’s small intestine without removing the organ from his body. During the autopsy, the coroner was shocked at her skill with a blade. With respects to both murder and magical horsey drawing.

If you enjoy HE and and would like to show your support for the comic or The Experiment, please consider getting a book or shirt in the store or making a donation.

[Edward shirts now at Topatoco!]

MINOR KICK ASS SPOILERS!!!
I mentioned this on Twitter, but at no point during Kick Ass does the titular character actually kick anyone’s ass. He wails on a few guys with his Ass-Batons (I assume he uses that naming convention, as in “Bat-A-Rang” and “Spider-Roomba”), but they are all able to flee the scene asses quit intact. It could be argued that the mutual KO between Mr. Ass and a particular villain during the climactic battle of the film is an “ass kicking,” though I would suggest the double lights-out was more of a mistake on each participants part that any sort of intentional ass-kickery.Continue reading

For Your Consideration

Inspired by Tindomiel and the other FB’s that created THIS AMAZINGLY AWESOME VIDEO (read the story and watch it NOW!), I’ve decided the HE crew should formally apply to The Evil League of Evil. Here’s hoping we’ve made the Bad Horse gleeful.

Feel free to use the comments to fill in the 3 arch villains backstories, powers, sidekicks, nemesis… nemesies… you get the idea.

All We Wanna Do Is Eat Your Brains

I hope Eli washed that bowl beforehand.

Heroes season 3 premiered this week. I don’t even know where to begin. Season 1 showed so much promise. Season 2 swerved directly into oncoming traffic, collided with a bus full of legless orphaned nuns, each holding a kitten and exploded into a fireball of fail that could be seen from space. Despite that I was hopeful. I blamed the mediocrity on the writer’s strike. Now I’m convinced the writers were striking to PREVENT future episodes of Heroes.

I said before that most elements of Heroes are directly lifted from the X-Men franchise, and that creator Tim Kring exists only to make soft cuddly puppies cheat on their spouses, but the heights of plagerism reached in the first two episodes of Heroes season 3 were nearly immeasurable.

  • Within the first 2 min the plot becomes “Days of Future Past” (thanks BB), right down to the assasination attempt on a senator, the future traveler that must stop the apocalypse, hell I think Wolverine was in this episode
  • One of the new villains basically has Bishop’s power
  • One of the new villains IS MAGNETO! A guy that controls magnetism called “The German“? Are you just fucking with us now? Is there a guy that shoots lasers out of his eyes called “Pussy Scott”?
  • And, despite this not being an X-Men ripoff, Mohinder starred in what was basically a condensed shot for shot remake of Jeff Goldblum’s “The Fly.” God, I could break it down into further analysis but what’s the point. Go rent “The Fly” and then watch that sequence with “Mohinder-Fly.” Do they think scifi fans are going to be impressed that they just lift ideas from movies and TV we already know?

And the writing. Sweet shit in a bisquit was it terrible. Josh has been telling me this since season 2, but I didn’t listen. He’s almost always wrong about everything! How am I supposed to gauge when he’s right? regardless I’m going to keep watching… because it’s my job. There, I said it.

Clarkanthropy

Afterward I wake up naked in a field, covered in deer blood.

Smallville Season 8 premiered last night. I watched it. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I watched the 7 seasons preceding this one. Smallville is the most schizophrenic show on television. Entire characters, plot points and integral story arcs are swept under the rug from episode to episode and forgotten about by all involved. Plot holes big enough to drive a moon through are standard. Completely ignoring or rewriting a character’s personality to serve the week’s semi-plot is a more than common occurance. Remember when Lana was a fucking reincarnated witch? Smallville is a day time soap masquerading as Geek-TV.

Please, for the love of Zod, cancel this bastard asshole of a TV show so I can get on with my life. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will watch it until its end, so my only hope is that fate intervene and render it assunder. SET ME FREE OF THIS EPISODIC COCK-KNOCKERY!