The iLluminati

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

OMG you guys, Apple totally wants to go steady with Tim Cook! Brenda told Gina and Gina told Stephanie H. that after study hall, Apple is going to give Tim Cook a million shares of their company valued at nearly 400 million dollars that will be fully vested over the next 10 years! OMG OMG OMG! Couldn’t you just die!? They are going to be SO. FREAKING. CUTE together. Totes.

I know Tim Cook’s sexuality doesn’t really pertain to his new job as AppleLord [All hail AppleLord may his blessings be upon you], but I do think a gay man being in charge of one of the largest tech companies in the world is a good step towards universal acceptance of homosexuals. I don’t expect him to crusade for gay rights or anything. It’s better for humanity as a whole if he just does a great job as a gay man in a high profile position. As dumb as this may sound, if some guy with lingering homophobia has the realization that, “I love Apple. Tim Cook runs Apple. Tim Cook is gay. So… gays aren’t evil?” the world becomes a slightly less hateful place.

All of that tolerance aside, the secret gay cabal that runs the media is coming for us, and they won’t stop until we are enslaved under their fashionable iron boot and they rule the over-side. Be afraid. Be super crazy fancy afraid.

 

iWish iKnew How To Force Quit You

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

Time to retire his black turtleneck into the rafters.

I honestly feel that Steve Jobs, and his singular vision for his company, have done more to increase the acceptance of technology by the general public and the integration of that technology into our daily lives that any other single person in the last 50 years. Like his products or hate them [for whatever arbitrary reason] they have consistently strived to make high end, seemingly “magic” devices accessible to technophiles and n00bs alike. Your mom has an iPad. A device that wasn’t even on the horizon 5 years ago. Steve helped bring us [that] much closer to the future, and for that I will always be grateful to him. Not to Apple, but to him directly. Ever since he returned to Apple in the 90’s, Steve’s drive, commitment, integrity and borderline certifiable insanity have directly influenced how we interact with technology. He’s a total nutter, but great men often are. I think you’d be hard pressed to find any one person that REALLY changed the world (for better or worse) that wasn’t at least a little unhinged. Here’s hoping he’s in better health than I expect he is, and that his input will continue to lead to wonderful shiny gadgets for years to come.

I hesitate to speculate on the future of Apple as a whole. Can they stay on the path Steve set them on, or will they falter under new leadership? My friend Bill Barnes of Unshelved and Not Invented Here wrote some nice words about Steve, and my friend Adam Koford drew this subtly touching and ironic (using the literall meaning of the word) cartoon.

COMMENTERS: Is Apple still Apple without Steve? Should it be? Other thoughts on Steve Job’s departure from Apple? [Please no Apple haters or pointless negativity]

Genius Barred

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon, now that we are all back from Comic-Con.

Today’s comic is a super special crossover event with one of my favorite webcomics, Not Invented Here. See how the action plays out (or refuses to) in THIS bonus Friday NiH comic. Not Invented Here is the brainsplosion of my friends Bill Barnes and Paul Southworth. You may know Bill from his other comic Unshelved (because libraries are funny?) and his incredibly hurtful foreword to my first book. Paul (who normally draws NiH, but if off this week) is the creator of Ugly Hill (one of the first comics I ever did a guest strip for) and Isaac Splode.

Not Invented Here started out as a comic by an ex-programmer for current programmers, but has since evolved beyond its premise (as good comedies often do) into a character driven gag/story about two friends (one of whom is Owen, shown in my comic above) working in an intensely corporate environment. Bill writes the strip based on 30… 50… at least 75 years of experience in the software development world. If you have ever coded, worked with a coder, had a manager that imposes impossible deadlines/milestones, or spent any time at all sitting at a desk for 10+ hours a day firing mental hate-rays at the clock then you really need to check out this strip. If you want to see how the comic normally appears courtesy of Paul’s expert and enviable art style, check out THIS ONE or THIS ONE. Otherwise you should start reading from the beginning and/or pick up their first book, Runtime Error.

Not Invented Here Book - Runtime Error

Bill, I believe this completes my contractual obligation. Now please tell me where my family is.

COMMENTERS: What other products are for sale at the “Apple Store”? What other details, defining characteristics or employee behaviors might be a tip off that something is amiss?

 

 

The Cuptertino Diet

MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE!

And My Axe - Gimli shirt by HijiNKS ENSUE at Topatoco

NEW HE Podcast Episode 80: Medium Seabiscuit [or is it Sexbiscuit?]

HijiNKS ENSUE at Emerald City Comicon

OMG EMERALD CITY COMICON IS RIGHT NOW [starting Friday]!!! Come see me and Angela at booth 307.

CONVENTION UPDATE: I will be at The Toronto Comics And Arts Festival May 7-8 after all, and I will also be at Connecticon July 9-11.

BOOK UPDATE: The giant, frost bitten pallet of HE Book 2‘s arrived at my house on Wednesday. I’ll start shipping books when I get back from ECCC. Non-artist edition books will ship first, followed by non-artist UFE’s (still waiting on some of the goodies like stickers and buttons to arrive), followed by all artist editions. I have at least 200 books to sketch, so please be forgiving when it comes to delivery times.

Ok, don’t look at me like that. Josh came up with this and I just wanted to make sure you all knew what a monster he was. Now that you know… what he is… just don’t look him directly in the eyes if you ever meet him. Because I assure you, the thing looking back will chill you to the core. It’s like staring into the soulless eyes of a shark with cataracts. Or maybe a raccoon. Either way it’s some sobering shit. The temperature in the room will drop 10 degrees, then it will rise because you just peed yourself. He’s a monster. A monster.

COMMENTERS: So hows about that spanky new iPad 2, eh? That mobile Garageband is giving me dangerous thoughts. One might even say IDEAS. Ooooohhhhh…. ideeeeeaaaaaasssss….

We’re Calling This One Busted

DALLAS AREA FANCY BASTARDS: Come see me at Star Trek Fan Days this weekend (October 23rd – 24th) in Plano, TX. Riker, Data, Worf, Doc Brown, Draco Malfoy, and Captain Kirk will be there! More info HERE.

Give Me the Coffee You Fairy Godmother

Flip You Melon Farmer! The “Edited For Content” mug on up for sale NOW!

The Laser Defense Grid App (released by ZingoZany Mobile, a division of The NSA) requires at least an iPhone 3Gs running OS 4.1 and is available in The App Store now. Download it or we’re all going to die.

I know the cover story is that Obama met with the Mythbusters as part of the Whitehouse Science Fair and to film a segment for an upcoming Mythbusters episode, but you know somewhere in the Oval Office desk is a tattered piece of legal paper that says:

Barry’s List Of Things to Do Before I Die

  1. Be a lawyer [X]
  2. Get smoking hot wife [X]
  3. Illinois Senator or at least owner of the White Sox [X]
  4. Get elected first black President of USA [X]
  5. [added 3/16/2005] Become honorary Mythbuster/ press button to blow up a limo or something [X]
  6. [added 4/28/2010] Become friends with Lady Gaga [  ]

As for why he met with Steve Jobs I can only assume that there is actually an extinction level event around the corner and Obama wants to get that Verizon iPhone 4 before he takes his place in one of the arks high in the Himalayas that will safely allow 100,000 of our smartest and wealthiest humans to ride out the apocalypse. He might even get Jonathan Ive to design a stylish, brush aluminum test tube to store giraffe DNA.