Into Dorkness

AUSTIN, TX FANCY BASTARDS: Webcomics Rampage is THIS WEEKEND!

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 66/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (8 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!

HijiNKS ENSUE JCCC3 Cruise Fundraiser print

ME AND WIL MADE A NEW SHIRT HOLY CRAP I LOVE IT!
UPDATE!!! WE ALSO MADE HOODIES! 

We now live in a world that has a Star Trek: Into Darkness trailer and Benedict Cumberbatch just oozes cheekboney sex all over it. There’s a lot of speculation that he’s playing Khan. He is not. He is playing Gary Mitchell, or a at least a character based on Gary Mitchell. It wouldn’t bother me if they changed the name. The wrath of Gary is not a wrath I could see myself particularly fearing.

J.J. Abrams first Star Trek is a perfect movie. That’s just a fact. A SPACE fact, which is the realest kind of fact. Even the parts that don’t make sense make me exceedingly happy. I was never a doubter as to the potential quality of the sequel. The little 1 min snippet has gotten me ever more not… being… a doubter. I have a giant Trekboner is what I’m saying, and this trailer did nothing to diminish it.

My friend Sam is the one that originally suggested to me that Tumblr, which it’s excess infestation of Cumberkin (people that were born into a human body, but know at heart they were supposed to be born clinging to Benedict Cumberbatch’s torso like a baby marsupial) might have had a hand in the crafting of the trailer. It basically leaves out most of the actual Star Trek in favor of the Sherlock star’s soothing yet wicked voice over and asskicking leapery (or leaping asskickery). I can’t say that he’s wrong, in that this movie appears to have been crafted by and specifically for nerds. SPOILERS: It was. I love it when Hollywood panders to us and gets it totally right.

COMMENTERS: Are you as excited as me for STiD? Check your Trekboner. Hmmm… that’s PRETTY excited, but I might still have you beat. If you want a little extra POTENTIALLY SPOILERY GOODTIMES, you can watch the Japanese version of the trailer.

Don’t forget to check the thumbnail to the right of the main HE comics to see if there’s a new LoFi. I’m updating them more often now.

Bridge Collapse

UPDATE: The JCCC3 signed, numbered, limited print is up for sale! 

 Info about and holiday shipping deadlines for various HE-type merchandise IS HERE.

Short Version: If you want something ( like HijiNKS ENSUE T-Shirts (also in Ladies Sizes), Books, A Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie , Holiday CardsDISCOUNT T-Shirts or AWESOME high quality prints of ANY HE comic) before Dec 24th, ORDER IT VERY NOWISH.

Same goes for Sharksplode Doctor Who ShirtsWil Wheaton Themed Shirtsthis onethat one and ALL OF THE SHIRTS ENTIRELY.

Guys, it is JoCo Cruise Crazy fundraiser time again. If these words are foreign to you, please read this post from last years JCCC fundraiser to get an idea of what this special event is, and what it means to my wife and I. We work hard and we struggle to maintain this “do what you love for a living” lifestyle, and despite all of its perks it really doesn’t leave any extra money for things like fantastically geeky vacations. That’s where you, The Fancy Bastards, come in. Just like last year I am going to be offering 100 signed and numbered limited prints of the image above (a fully inked and colored version, that is) in order to raise money for the flights, hotel, cruise, food, etc.

For $35 (plus shipping) you will get the 11X17″ “Bridge Collapse” print, plus one more 11×17″ print of your choice (“Where’s Carl?” “Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey,” or “Rival Smugglers”). For $55 (plus shipping) you will get all 4 prints.

I will also be offering extra signed Print Packs (four 8.5×11″ prints on the same theme) for $25 each (+s/h). The packs will be “Doctor Who 1,” “Doctor Who 2,” “Joss Whedon,” “Battlestar Galactica,” and “Wil Wheaton.” You will be able to buy these even if you don’t buy the limited print.

I will ALSO be offering a few stand alone 11×17″ signed prints like “You’re The Last Of the Timelords, Charlie Brown,” “Winter Is Coming” “Grammar Dalek” and “I’m A Snowflake On The Wind” for $15 each (+s/h) or all four for $45 (+s/h).

The last JoCo Cruise was one of the all time highlights of my life (as you can see). I would love to be able to take my wife on it at least one more time and give you some extremely Fancy artwork in the process. The prints will go on sale at (or around) midnight central tonight. (UPDATE: They are up for sale now!) I will update this page with a purchase link. Thanks!

COMMENTERS: Assemble your perfect starship bridge crew chosing from all characters in the whole of Sci-Fi. Who gets which job and why?

ANOTHER THING: Me, Rob and Wil did something very silly last night.

How Sparks McGee Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Mars Curiosity Rover

Podcast Episode 86 “Oh No! Promotheus!” is live.

Fine citizens, as you enjoy your hotted dogs, hamburger sandwiches and frisbee tossings and such on this finest of Labored Days, please also enjoy this Fancy Sketch filler art situation! Actual illustrated comic’d jocularities to resume POST HASTE!

If you are unfamiliar with the legend of Sparks McGee, then you may  attempt to enjoy this sketch (which was originally commissioned by Fancy Bastard Marijn R. during the Fancy Sketch Drive) by knowing only that it depicts Wesley Crusher in a cowboy hat and aviators riding the Mars Curiosity Rover. See? Fun abounds.

If you with to know more about young Ensign McGee, then I suggest you read Wil’s explanation of his origins, and Sparks’s continuing adventures.  For the totally uninitiated who find themselves far too busy to click links and read words, Sparks McGee is Wesley Crusher’s cocky alter ego who always gets the girl, always saves the day and always puts the adults in their place. If Captain Picard gives him a sideways glance, he tells that bald bastard EXACTLY where he can stick his Ressikan Flute.

 

Calgary Expo 2012 Fancy Photo Comic Part 3

Calgary is a weird town. Everything is pretty nice and clean and Canadian and there is a series of above ground tubes that you can navigate most of downtown with to avoid actually being on the street, but pretty much everything closes at sundown and NOTHING is open on Sunday. Visting cartoonists need to drink on Sunday too, Calgary! I don’t think Canadian Jesus will mind. Incidentally, Canadian Jesus is the same as American Jesus (the one true Jesus) except he does some occasional ice fishing and pays too much for his mobile data plan.

The Holodeck is for porn! The Holodeck is for porn! 

The Holodeck Is For Porn T-Shirt, funny star trek parody shirt

If you are a long time reader of HijiNKS ENSUE, you probably know what Star Trek: TNG means to me. It was more than a show. It was a friend and a guide when I was a confused, ignored and bullied little boy. I learned so much about respect (how to earn and give it), problem solving, avoiding violence at all costs, but still not letting anyone push me around, and what the future can (and should) be if we aren’t too childish, greedy and stupid to get ourselves there. I very large part of who I am, and how I view the world is based on the lessons I learned from TNG. So, with that in mind, I’m sure you can gauge how much it meant to me to be present at the 25th Anniversary reunion of the TNG cast at the Calgary Expo. It was nothing short of magical.

As the cast members recollected and joked with each other, I quickly realized that they were not performing; not putting on a show, but instead they were just catching up. It was as if 8000 grinning geeks were not in the room with them as they told stories, and reminisced. We were scores and scores of flies on the wall to the greatest geek conversation we could have hoped to hear. That is not to say they ignored the audience or seemed in anyway ungrateful for our contribution to their legacy (quite the contrary, actually). It’s just that they almost seemed lost in their affection for each other. Patrick Stewart in particular spent most of the evening facing not the audience, but turned to face his friends. If asked a question directly, he always had to look for the mic and pick it up because he had long since put it down in order to pay closer attention to what Frakes, Wheaton or Sirtis were saying. It seemed like the whole thing was sponsored and film by Space in Canada, so I am hopeful that the discussion will be broadcast in some fashion soon. I cannot stress enough how perfect a cap that evening was to 25 years (20 for me) of Star Trek: TNG fandom. I must thank Sohmer and our Calgary Expo volunteers for getting me the ticket. It’s one of those things that I wasn’t going to let myself splurge on, but knowing now what I would have missed… let’s just say I would have regretted it.

Speaking of splurging, when I saw that an entire cast photo with the TNG crew was available for $500 and up to six people were allowed to split the cost, I immediately grabbed five friends and got ready to do some convincing. Turns out this is a proposition that, among Star Trek fans, requires little to no convincing. Thanks again to our fantastic volunteers, we were able to score some line-skipping passes which meant we only had to wait for about an hour instead of three to four. Now I normally am not one for photo-ops or impersonal signings at events where celebrities are present. I much prefer a casual encounter, a brief exchange or words, etc. But this was potentially the last time these people were going to be in the same room… forever! I was already mentally clearing family photos off the mantle to make room for this picture. The photo-op itself took all of 15 seconds. Honestly it wasn’t even enough time to make eye contact with the whole crew. We were in, somehow I ended up next to the Captain (in Troi’s spot), they snapped the pic and we were out. As we left I heard Wil say, “Everyone wave to my friend Joel!” That was, uhh… pretty fucking rad. And as you can see, the picture turned out amazing! Look at that grin on Patrick Stewart! I’m going to have it tattooed over my own face so I can see it every time I look in the mirror. Damn, that was a good day.

COMMENTERS: What events go on your “life flashing before my eyes” hit list? What awesome things have happened to you that made you say “I WAS THERE! I ACTUALLY DID THAT!“?

The Welcome Wagon

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

funny scifi parody t-shirt newt 2012 newt for president t-shirt aliens ripley scifi parody

There’s got to be more to it than warp drive, right? What about Mr. Clean Magic Easers? How could you consider a species for eventual admission into the United Federation of Planets if they can’t even get tough, baked on spaghetti stains off their glass top ranges? I say it breaks down like this: You want to roll with the galactic big boys? You need ten things. 1) Warp drive 2) Equality 3) Mostly functional government with short campaign periods, minimal television coverage, and strict caps on campaign donations to minimize big business influence 4) Press’N Seal Wrap 5) Magic Erasers 6) Dyson vacuums 7) Segways (Not that anyone actually uses them. We just need to see that you CAN make them.) 8) Multiroom DVR or GTFO 9) Peanut butter and jelly in the SAME jar (Same as with the Segway or a nuclear bomb. Just a proof of concept.) 10) … I don’t know. World peace or something.

COMMENTERS: What are the other necessities for initiating first contact with a new species? Should they have created, abandoned, re-created and re-abandon 3D movies? What are the hallmarks of true readiness to join the galactic society?  Should they have developed a method for merging a Pizza Hut AND a Taco Bell?

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

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