Shaun of the Trek

New Trek Reboot casting keeps flying out of the J.J. Abrams camp. Some dude is most likely going to be Kirk while the Incredible Hulk plays some random bad guy. And some chick is Uhura. And some Russian dude is all set to say “Nuclear Wessels.” Those less interesting bits aside, the rest of the crew seems to be fleshing out into some sort of geek/stoner/loser dream team.

I see J.J. (we’re on a first two initial basis. He calls me J.F.) rifling through a pile of DVD’s, comic books, and video games just yelling out names and roles at random while his assistant frantically calls their agents.

“Here’s Futurama Season 2! Let’s get Planet Express Ship to be the Enterprise. See if Sigourney Weaver is available to do the voice. Oooh, call Shigeru Miyamoto and see if Super Nintendo can play Ambassador Sarek! He would be perfect. And I want the Macho Man Randy Savage in a triple tag team with Julius Ceaser and the Planet Mercury to be the red shirts. They all die on the first beam down. Are you getting all of this? This is gold! I lactate geeky hollywood gold. Shelley, are you writing this?”

Thanks to everyone that voted for todays comic topic. I’m sure I will do more of that in the near future. Pegg-Trek won out over Thundercats/Gears of War with 52% of the vote as of this writing.

In the coming week, look for new Apple Insider Comics from your truly, as well and new and exciting developments right here on H.E.

Bacn Bacn Bacn Bacn Bacn! I Smell Bacn!

I don’t normally “reblog” here but I thought this story from Boing Boing illustrated rather poignantly something I love about the internet.

“Bacn” is email you want, just not right now. The term was coined durinfg PodCamp Pittsburgh 2 on Sunday and is already clogging up our already bulging tubes.

“…according to Technorati, there are over 350 blog posts containing the word, and it’s the 14th most popular search term of the day.”

Why is this relevant to this site? A couple of weeks ago I made a comic with Wesley Crusher in it. I was pretty happy with how it turned out, so I emailed a copy of it to Wil Wheaton. What the hell, right? He might look at it and get a laugh.

He emailed me the next day and told me how much he liked the comic. The Bacn incident and Wil’s email both say something about the unparalleled options for accessibility and connectivity that the internet allows us. Ideas travel at the speed of thought and reach a wider audience in a shorter amount of time than ever before thought possible.

<off topic> It also says something about Wil Wheaton. He knows why he gets to do the things he gets to do (pro-blogging, cons, speaking engagements, writing books). He knows the fans are the ones that keeps his fire burning. I appreciate and respect that. Wil’s not a major Hollywood celebrity, but I would certainly rather have a cup of coffee with him than some douche like Matthew Mcconaughey.</off topic>

Project Cloverfield: Top Secret Bath Gel?

J.J. Abrams has been quite geek-prolific these last few years. I can almost forgive him for Felicity. I remember when I told Josh “Cloverfield” might be a Cthulhu movie. He shit out his soul right then and there. He has a plush version of the “Great Old One” on his desk.

Zachary Quinto being cast as Spock is an interesting and appropriate choice. Just look at the logic in those eyebrows!

In what may be his worst lapse in judgement (or anyone else’s for that matter), internets have it that J.J. wants to put Tom “Fear me for I am Galactic Space Lord Xenu!” Cruise in the new Trek as Captain Christopher Pike. People keep trying to find new and exhilarating ways to make me hate Star Trek. I hope they hobble that alien worshiping shit bag with a tire iron and stuff him in that beeping iron lung/washing machine from The Cage.

For what it’s worth, I think Wesley would turn out to be a Sith. He’s got daddy issues. If any Hollywood-types are interested, I am willing to sell the rights to “Geek-Splosion” and the geek-quel, “Geek-splosion II: Xena and the Highlander Race Light Cycles with Tron and the Goonies, and at least one of the Corey’s…..Seaquest, War Games, Last Starfighter.” Let me rifle through a box of old VHS in the garage and we can work out a deal for episodes 3 through 6 too.

Bastian, say my name! Yeahhh. Say it, bitch. Momma like. Who’s your empress?”

A soul as black as eyeliner

I saw Spider-Man 3 on opening weekend. It has since made god-caliber moneys. Somewhere in the neighborhood of a gabillion-fillion if I’m not mistaken. The effects were more believable than the previous two. The CG Peter was less “burley brawl” this time around. That being said, the movie as a whole left me empty, or possibly hungry. The performances were stalled and uninteresting, and the story served only to facilitate the gaps between aerial battles (fun to watch though they were). I took great pleasure in the fact that the shift from “Sweet Lovable Hero Peter” to “Gropey Horny Asshole Peter” was illustrated with a determined downward drag of the comb.

As I expected, they got Venom all wrong (casting and execution). If I had to pick a “That 70’s show” alumnus to play Eddie Brock, it would have been Kurtwood Smith. Also, I don’t remember Harry Osbourne’s Green Goblin being a character from SSX Tricky. They should have made him the dude from Excite Bike. He’d spend the whole movie creating a custom track, only to find that after hours of work it was impossible to ride due to the overuse of ramps.

Update 5/17/07

Apparently Rolling Stone and 25% of Fall Out Boy agree with my assessment.