Don’t Excrete Guano Where You Eat

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

“Alfred, have you pressed my bat pantaloons? And shined my bat spats? Then I’m off to fight crime, right wrongs, serve justice, be the instrument of vengeance… and get a little pussy on the side.”

You guys are lucky I have a modicum of restraint. This comic very nearly included the phrase “his dynamic dong-o.”

COMMENTERS: Do you think DC is just grasping at straws and pandering to the lowest common boner denominator? Or are they really showing modern, liberated, sexually empowered characters? What other outrageous hookups or super-sexual exploits might get more eyeballs on DC’s filth rags? Here’s what my buddy David, has to say on DC’s “retooling” of Starfire.

The Name Of The Wind

“Jam Hog” is a name for a penis that rings of elegance, grace and simple beauty. But it is also a strong name. Mostly because of the JAM part. That conjures a certain imagery. Hogs are pretty strong too.
Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

DICK JOKES! Josh IRL has a GIANT new 3D plasma TV at his home that is actually the one James Cameron watches deep sea documentaries on. I, on the other hand have the same 5 year old plasma that Cameron’s mechanic has in his guest room. Were Josh’s new TV placed betwixt me and the demon sun, Sol, it would surely blot out the DoomStar for eons. The crops would wither, the Earth would fall cold and silent. It’s a big ass TV, is what I’m saying. 65 inches is somehow orders of magnitude bigger than 55 inches. Though I think Josh would be the first to tell you how much impact 10 inches can have. MORE DICK JOKES! Aren’t you glad you got on the Internet today? [Dont forget to check the rollever text for more… you guessed it! Dick jokes!]

COMMENTERS: Using the rules established in the panels above, please come up with more names for Josh’s… well, you get the idea. Perhaps tell the stories and sing the songs of how it came to be known by such names. Perhaps not.

The Mystery Box

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

BIG NEWS! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back, in case you want one of those.

NEWS 2: I will be at San Diego Comicon at the Blind Ferret Booth with Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, GuttersGirls With Slingshots and possibly more. It’s going to be a blast and a frakking half.

Make sure you check out my guest comic over at Sam & Fuzzy! It is one of my favorite things that I have ever made (for serious). It stars Sam, Jeph and me and finally brings to life my favorite of Sam’s intentionally terrible shirt ideas all the way back from SDCC 2010.

Sam And Fuzzy Guest Comic

To Josh, vaginas might as well be the Higgs boson particle. He can see evidence of their existence and their perceived effect on objects around them, but he can’t directly view them or fully understand their purpose.

I still haven’t seen a single episode of Game Of Thrones, but from what I understand the season is nearly over so I should be able to acquire it and binge the whole thing over a weekend pretty soon. The typical post show review I see on the Twitters goes something like: “OMG GAMEOFTHRONES WTFBALLS?!?!?!! WHY IS THIS SHOW SO RAPEY?! ALSO WHY IS IT SO GOOOOOOOD?!?!?!? #aGameOfRape #aRapeOfThrones #twincest #soooorapey #sexslaves #bestshow” Being the world’s foremost Internet cryptographer, I am able to feed those mad ramblings into my Code-puter, cross reference them with The Talmud and decipher what is essentially a positive review. Good enough for me.

COMMENTERS: I Feel free to post your spoiler free thoughts on the Game Of Thrones television program or other stuff. You know. Whatever.