Through You, We Feel As Giants, Once Again.

AND MY AXE!
MEEEEDLY MEEEEEDLY SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

ALL NEW REDESIGNED “AND MY AXE” SHIRTS ARE IN THE STORE!

And My Axe - Gimli shirt by HijiNKS ENSUE at Topatoco

Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts!

My home internet was down from Wednesday night until late Thursday afternoon. Thus, without my normal information conduit, I nearly missed the space shuttle launch. Luckily I checked Twitter via my phone and was able to catch the broadcast on HDNet with 5 minutes to spare. I realized that this would be one of my daughter’s only chances to see a space shuttle launch, so I made sure she sat in for the broadcast. She’s turning four in a couple of weeks, so I was pretty pleased with the 3 minutes of attention she was able to devote to the event. There were plenty of OOH’s and AHH’s and “ARE THEY REALLY GOING INTO SPACE?” and such during the ignition sequence, but just as the booster rockets dropped she asked to go play frisbee outside. She asked of we [mean she, my wife and I] were also going to space today. I wondered for a minute if she might be able to tell her children or grandchildren yes to that same question. Or maybe such questions will be rendered irrelevant due to the unfavorable outcome of the Robot Wars. [Unfavorable for filthy humans that is. Long live the robots!]

I’ll be uploading HE Podcast #80 later tonight [Friday night] [UPDATE: HERES’S THE LINK] and we talked quite a bit about the shuttle launch and various other space related events of import throughout our lives. I’ll update this post with a link once it’s available. Make sure to listen if you want to find out what movie made me decide NOT to be an astronaut when I was around 10 years old.

COMMENTERS: Let’s make it a space exploration free for all. What should we be doing next? Better space planes? Commercial space flights? Moonbase? Mars mission? Or should we just watch Moon, Moonraker, Mission to Mars, Red Planet and Apollo 13?

The Bovine Comedy

Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2!!!IMPORTANT HE BOOK 2 UPDATE: There are less than 25 Ultimate Fancy Editions of the book left and the files must be fully proofed and turned into the printer by Sunday 1/30/2011 or I will not have the book in time for my first conventions of the year. Once those last UFE’s are sold I will have covered 100% of the printing costs + enough to purchase shipping supplies, pay for shipping for all books (regular + UFE’s), and cover the costs of the prints, stickers and buttons for the UFE’s. Please help me make this thing a success. I am positive there are at least 25 of you Fancy Bastards out there that can help out.

BOOK 2 PROOFREADERS UPDATE: I received WAY MORE responses than I expected. I will select 3 of you (probably the ones with professional experience) and email you a PDF of the book (hopefully) before this weekend. THANKS!

True story: Josh once sold me a guitar for a Taco Bell taco. It was maybe the 3rd time I’d ever been to his apartment (circa 2001) and I was only there as a friend of a mutual friend. I showed up with my own dinner and revealed that the taco lady had given me a couple of extra tacos. Josh looked around his home, picked out the first thing that mattered less to him than the satisfaction of eating a taco at that exact moment (a crappy Jasmine acoustic guitar that was worth about $90) and offered it to me in trade. I probably would have just given it to him, but I distinctly remember him leading with “HERE! TAKE THIS GUITAR! YOU PLAY RIGHT? TAKE IT AND GIVE ME THAT TACO FOOD!” I kept that guitar until last year when one of machine heads broke and I decided to get rid of it via the Craig List.

Considering our friendship was essentially founded on “Meat Like Beef Substitute” served in a corn tortilla shell, I was sad to learn via Twitter that Josh IRL has lost his taste for The Bell. Something about it “making his stomach throw up into his intestines” is less appealing now than it was when we were younger men. I’m not sure a world where Josh hates Taco Bell is a world I want to live in.

Bad Astrologer

Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2!!!TIME IS NEARLY UP!!!!!:
This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT necessarily be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT MOTHER FANCY BOOK, YO!

Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!

Bad news guys. The addition of a 13th Zodiac sign means you might have been reading the wrong horoscope for your entire life. Also you might have been reading horoscopes and believing them for your entire life which is additional (and more severe) bad news. It also means that Zodiac Killer should have killed at least one more person. This story is just full of missed opportunities.

Back to the Battlestar Galactica comparison for a minute: If you read the article linked below where the astronomer that started this whole thing explains the 13th celestial position, or whatever, he mentions that it is caused by a change in Earth’s orbit and relative position to other celestial bodies that cycles every 26,000 years. This has all happened before, amiright? And this will all happen again? Huh? Huh? I think my theory holds up.

Question for you BSG fans: Concerning the series Finale [SPOILERS], if modern scientists discovered Hera’s bones (the famous Australopithecus “Lucy” skeleton) and she was still 3 and a half feet tall, doesn’t that mean she died shortly after they reached Earth2? Did anyone else catch that or am I missing something? Puts even more of a downer on the finale. “Hey guess what? All those crazy mysteries? Space Angels. Also the baby died. See ya!”

Close Your Eyes And See The Skies Are Falling

First things first: This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
ORDER THAT FREAKIN’ BOOK, YO!

Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2!!!

Second things second: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE.

And thirdest of all: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH ALL THE FREAKIN’ DEAD BIRDS!? I can only assume nefarious green pigs are involved.

Not To Be Confused With Tres Leches

Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2!!!LAST WEEK FOR UFE’s + NAME IN THE BOOK!

The deadline for ordering the Ultimate Fancy Edition AND getting your name in the book on the Fancy Wall of Fancy Fame is January 15th!!!

Less than half of the 150 UFE’s remain! Show your support for HE and preorder the shit out of Book 2!

Four Loko caffeinated malt liquor is one of those cultural phenomenon’s that comes quickly onto the scene, takes the world of underage drinking by storm and rather than slowly fading away, it burns out in a blaze of glory.

[WARNING: Due to the high alcohol content Four Loko will burn out in an actual blaze of glory. Do not drink Four Loko near an open flame, or in a house with central heating. Four Loko is intended for novelty use only and is not considered “a consumable” under the regulations of the Food and Drug Administration. Due to its instability, unique chemical composition and potential off-world origin it is advised that you do not speak directly to Four Loko in anything louder than a whisper. Do not sing before, during or after drinking Four Loko as that the vibrations of your vocal chords coupled with Four Loko’s resonance frequency may trigger erratic behavior in felines, children and the elderly.]

Though it was recently all but banned by the FDA due to “the beverages’ combination of caffeine and alcohol [leading] to a ‘wide-awake drunk.’“,  Four Loko, and drinks like it have found new life as “ethanol and other products.” Basically the shit was so toxic that they poured it into a diesel engine and the truck not only started but it gained sentience and now lives in a hollowed out mountain in New Mexico.

Though some would rather the drink be left alone, the FDA says “the caffeine can mask a person’s perception of intoxication, leading them to drink more than they typically would before passing out.” There’s a sublime beauty in this quote. Basically, they are saying that in order to save you from yourself, evolution has worked out a biological off-switch for those that consume more than their body weight in alcohol in an evening. If you are stupid enough to drink beyond your body’s tolerance level, it will simply remove you from the equation and go into forced hibernation. Four Loko looks at your biological imperative to survive and shouts a hearty and defiant, “WHAT ARE YOU? SOME KIND’A PUSSY?! WAKE UP AND DRINK MORE OF THIS POISONOUS SHIT!!!”

I imagine Four Loko’s secret forumla reads like the menu at a 24 hour Coffee Shop/Gas Station/Apothecary on The Moon: Caffeine, Pseudoephedrine, grain alcohol, scorpion venom, formaldehyde, and Indian Tiger Testosterone. Hey, if you aren’t allowed to pour what I assume is essentially the stuff the Army uses to clean tanks into your gullet, at least your Dodge 4X4 won’t go thirsty.