Booty-Call Accelerator

The Fancy Sketch Drive is on! About 25/100 are already sold. Get in on this and help support me in a time of financial need while getting some sweet original art! I will draw damn near whatever you want (within reason) and I will do it live on Ustream!

Donors and subscribers are getting the first HE iBook/eBook. Drop a few bucks in the bucket and check it out for yourself. Take HE offline wherever you go!

San Diego Comic-Con is next week (holy shit)! I will be hanging out at booth 1332 with Blind Ferret. Check my Twitter for signing times and availability. More info HERE.

The first few HE comics, like the Higgs Boson announcement, are actually lettered in Comic Sans. I never changed the font in those early comics as a way to remind myself where I’d come from and what mistakes I had made. Those were dark times. Times when a man could get a newsletter from his dentist that had Comic Sans all over it. Right in his mailbox. AT HIS HOUSE! Sure, he might see Papyrus in the logo of a local spa or nail salon, but no one should have to deal with such fonts at the place where their children sleep. Dark times indeed.

So I guess the Universe gets to keep on having mass or whatever. S’pretty cool I guess. I mean, the Higgs Boson is neat and all, but I’m saving my excitement for when someone figures out why almost all of everything in the Universe isn’t actually there. I feel like maybe 100% to more than 100% of our resources as a people should be spent on unraveling that particular mystery, because personally it crushes my brain out of existence.

COMMENTERS: If we have sent the Declaration of Independence to England in Comic Sans, I’m pretty sure we’d all not be pronouncing out H’s. So what does a person or product have to do in order for you to immediately NOT take them seriously? Is it specific to your field or area of expertise (ie Is is something most people wouldn’t immediately notice)?

How It’s Laid

Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Funny geeky shirt, parody, battlestar galactica, twilight, team edward, team jacob

OMG FOR THE LOVE OF KRAMPUS, CAN WE PLEASE MAKE #howitslaid A THING?! PLEASE?! It’s all I want for Christmas. 

Earlier this week I was live tweeting an episode of How It’s Made where, from the sounds of it, they were either hand-crafting horse saddles or reanimating Frankenstein’d leather daddies:

“He inserts the bushing in the center hole.” #howitslaid
“The seat area gets one last leather buildup.” #howitslaid
“He glues leather around the base of the horn, an area called the swells.” #howitslaid
“This makes it smooth so it won’t chafe the horse or the rider.”#howitslaid

Man, my nipples are getting pierced just thinking about all of that. [Thanks to @d20monkey for coming up with the hashtag. Go read his comic.]

COMMENTERS: Let’s just go ahead and keep this about unintentional dick jokes, preferably from show like How It’s Made, since they are so often discussing things like shafts and flanges and obvious dong-analogies and what not. Those dirty birds. Any episodes that really stuck out as offenders? I should mention how much I really do LOVE that show. Dick jokes not withstanding (is THAT a dick joke?), what’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned from How It’s Made or shows like it? I thought it was crazy when I found out they froze soapy water inside trombones so they could bend the bend the tubing without kinking it… [snicker snicker].

The State Of The Universe

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

[Sorry, non-Doctor Who fans. This one doesn’t make any sense to you.]

The Whitehouse’s official stance on aliens, UFO’s and the like is that we haven’t yet made contact, and no information regarding extraterrestrials has been concealed by the government from the public. But, isn’t that EXACTLY what they would say if they WERE covering something up? And if The Silence are involved, do they even know they are covering it up? If Fox Moulder voted for Obama, would it be “Change I WANT TO BELIEVE in?” Further more, do astronauts have sex in space? How does that even work? So many mysteries.

When I was a kid, I was both facinated and terrified by the idea of aliens visiting Earth. The early 90’s saw a strange surge in alien related media. Perhaps The X-Files started it, or perhaps the interest in UFO’s paved the way for the show. Either way, there were TV specials, movies and books coming out left and right that all seemed to say the same thing: We are not alone, and the truth is being kept from us. I soaked up every bit of info I could (which was hard pre-Internet) and felt that I had an above average working knowledge of “the truth.” I knew all about the inconsistencies of the reports surrounding Roswell, the military personell that had come forward only to be discredited, the similarities in abduction stories and the “greys.” I just accepted that this was the secret truth and eventually it would all come out. I could understand, even at 11 years old, why the government would lie about these events, but I never even questioned the “abductees” themselves. Why would anyone lie about such a thing? I also wanted us to get as close to a Star Trek reality as possible in my lifetime, and aliens jump starting our technology and society seemed like a good way to get the ball rolling.

I realize now how I let my youthful naivety and enthusiasm for sci-fi get out of hand. I firmly believe there are other lifeforms in the universe, those we would recognize as life and those we would not, but I doubt they are monitoring us or conducting experiments on us. A life-sustaining world might be such a rarity in the universe, and the distances between them so great, that even given millions of intelligent species two of them would just never cross paths. Life may also be abundant in the universe, but just not all at the same time. Perhaps species are born and die in the relative blink of an eye and hardly ever coexist. I hope that’s not the case. How lonely if it is.

COMMENTERS: Were you, as I, fascinated by aliens as a kid? Are you now? Any defining moments that lead you to believe one way or another? One thing that sticks out for me was the TV movie version of “Communion.” There was a scene where a little boy runs to a lake, a woman chases him, then sees a spaceship floating over the lake and when the boy turns around he has the face of a grey. THAT. SHIT. SCARED. ME. TO. DEATH. The images was burned into my brain and haunted me for years. It was especially horrifying because I believed it was 100% true and was probably going to happen to me eventually. So far it hasn’t… or has it? [No, probably not.]

Transport Me Up Into The Spaceship, Scotchy

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

I know you can’t really use “Swiss” as a noun, but at least I didn’t just say, “some Swede.” I have a feeling the Swiss and the Swedes have a sort of GoBots/Transformers style rivalry. Like they probably came out at roughly the same time, but one of them (I’m not saying which one, but I think you know) was clearly superior in terms of marketing and originality. I also get the impression the Prime Minister of Switzerland is an enchanted  swan that occasionally takes human form to hand out pastries to good children. Or maybe that’s just Bjork. She’s from Iceland which is either near and very much like Switzerland or not at all. I think they both have ice hotels.

So it looks like physics as we know it might just be a bunch of crap. You see, these scientists at CERN have been shooting neutrinos (not to be confused with the pseudo new wave/punk rock aliens for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) at Italy for some time (which seems like an act of war), and they appeared to be arriving shortly before they left. Well, not really, but they were appearing sooner than they should have. Sooner than light, in fact. Light shows up in Italy the the neutrinos are acting all casual, stretched out on the sofa, sipping a creme soda and being all, “Oh, hey light. I guess you finally decided to show up. I’ve been waiting for you for like 60 nanoseconds. I was about to call the police and make sure you hadn’t been murdered or whatever.”

I say all of that to A) Intimidate you with my obviously superior knowledge of science, and B) to say this: I guess we don’t really know anything about anything, and I find that kind of terrifying and exciting.

COMMENTERS: Do you believe the findings will hold up to scrutiny or be replicable? Do we need to start rewriting physics? Will this discovery finally get us to a world more like Star Trek? Can it please?

Houston, We Have Plausible Deniability

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!!

Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

While waiting for a show to start at C2E2 in Chicago this year, I saw the trailer for Apollo 18 at least a dozen times. Every single time I thought it was for Transformers: Turn Off The Moon (In Space No One Can Hear You Yawn) – Moonraker: The Long Dark Teatime Of The Soul. Hollywood is obsessed with NASA accidentally leaving stuff on the moon and not telling people about it.

ANOTHER THING: “Winter Is Coming” shirts are being printed now and will be in the store soon.

COMMENTERS: Did you see Apollo 18 this weekend? Any good? Not going to see it? Why? For me it’s a “wait for rental” type of situation.