Dick Everlasting

Alternate ending:Ancient Spirts of Evil, Transform this decayed form into CHENEY THE EVER-LIVING!!!

[This comic is translated from Dick Cheney’s native language, a mixture of Parseltongue and the dark tongue spoken in Mordor]

Cheney was looking pretty rough at the inauguration on Tuesday. He was on his third baboon heart, and previously had all of his bones replaced with steel recovered from ground zero. With his titanium kidneys and cobalt spleen, he is more machine now than man. Though there are those that believe Cheney isn’t a man at all, rather he’s actually a highly evolved insect that has learned how to use it’s natural camouflage to mimic a human appearance. Personally, I believe that he is ageless. He was birthed of the primordial fires of creation, and roamed the Earth long before any other sentient life. He drove the demons, trolls and orcs deep below… or they banished him to the surface… either way, he is as ancient as he is evil and he is large amounts of both.

I’m guessing Cheney has been assuming different identities throughout history. Who was he? Zeus? Jack the Ripper? Joseph Stalin? Dracula? I bet he was Dracula. Also, feel free to share your ideas for other ways Cheney has kept alive all these years. I would have defaulted to the obvious conclusion that he’s a Cylon, but without the Resurrection Ship, I’m not sure how that would work.

And before you tell me to take it easy on Cheney, or the Bush administration, save it. I’m still high on Obama fumes and I’m not nearly ready to come down.

And a SPECIAL THANK YOU to those Twittering FB’s that unwittingly helped me write this comic with their @’s (justchristine, lonneynerd, bradymikep, bshirley, jaydeflix, and muttonhead104).

Adjusting To Change

At Noon today, Barack Obama will be sworn in as our 44th president. At 9pm he’ll delete the “Walker, Texas Ranger” season pass from the White House Tivo.

Oh, and just to clarify, Bush spent and average of 2 months clearing brush each year at his Crawford, TX ranch, but he spent and average of 4 months total on vacation each year that he was in office. That’s roughly a month shy of 1000 days of vacation in 8 years. What can I say? Don’t let the big white doors hit you in the ass on the way out, W.

Inauguration Links:

La Menace Fantôme

I don’t have much to say about the apparent coup d’état taking place in the Candian government right now. I only know what The Daily Show has told me. I honestly had no idea the Queen of England actually held any real power over Canada, but as soon as I heard the words, “vote of no confidence” I had an Episode 1 flashback. That phrase will forever ring out in my mind in Natalie Portman’s faux-regal tones. I just can’t decide if Prime Minister Stephen Harper is Chancellor Velorum, Palpatine or a combination of both. Does that mean the Queen is Darth Plagueis?

I know there are Fancy Bastards in Canada. Please fill us Americans in on what the hell exactly is going on up there. You know how fucked up our government is. We always though you guys were pretty stable.

UPDATE:

FFB (Female Fancy Bastard) Rhiannon points us to this summary of exactly WTF is going on in Canada (on a knitting blog of all places).

Thanks to all the CFB’s (Canadian… you get the idea) that posted their take on the turmoil in the comments. International politics is so interesting. Someone should make three incredibly boring space based movie prequels about such subject matter. Call it “The Space Congress Prequel Trilogy!!!” and broadcast it live on CSPAN at 4am.

The Fundamentals of the Comic are Strong

Of course, by that I mean the Macbook Pro and the Wacom Cintiq tablet I use to create the comic are functioning well within their operating parameters. What did you think I meant?

If you’re feeling presidential you might as well drape yourself in one of these lovely Laura Roslin For President shirts:

It would certainly help alleviate my imminent financial meltdown. If American can’t win, it might as well be me? Right?

VPILF

HEADLINE: McCain Slips in Tub, Tina Fey Is President!

I’m sure McCain was despondent when they told him women could actually vote, but he seized the opportunity to secure that vote by deciding to select a woman, any woman, to be his running mate.

“Alright, fellas, what we need here is a female that can fake her way through understanding politics. Also she has to be able to pretend to read and write. This will be tough, but we can do it. Hell, we sent a chimp to space didn’t we? Now I suggest you start checking the most high class brothels in town. One of them is bound to have a woman with some poise!”

Whether you believe it or not, please read about Palin’s “Babygate” cover up. I’m not sure what to believe, but damn if it isn’t a funny/tragic/still funny story:

UPDATED:

I have a feeling Obama won’t be able to bring this level of Reality TV drama to the White House. It’s simply an area where he will not be able to compete, and that may cost him the presidency.

Here are a few more links for your enjoyment/sadness: