Quantum of Sholace

Of course I have no proof, but I assume when Sir Sean Connery the video for the new Quantum of Solace theme song, “Another Way to Die,” by Jack White and Alicia Keys he was upset to say the least. It doesn’t feature horns, sultry singing, guns pointed at the camera, blood running down the screen or girls in gogo boots. I’m sure he considered it a problem, and like any problem it can be solved one of two ways. By slapping the shit out of it or shagging it until it shuts up. He tried the former, to no avail, so he moved on to the latter. Seems to have worked like a charm.

Originally I was going to have him dig through a box of swords looking for just the right one to cleave the offending video in twain, but then I though, “NO! HE FUCKS THE TV! IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!”

I seriously have no idea what I was thinking. I do remember asking myself, “I wonder how many other cartoonists are drawing a post-techno-coitus Sean Connery right now.”

As for the song itself, I like it. It sounds like The White Stripes (imagine that) with better drumming and Alicia Keys on guest vocals. I always enjoy what Jack White tries to pass off as a guitar solo. It’s like he gets a fork tangled in his strings before he plugs in his amp, and the solo is the sound of his efforts to remove the extraneous cutlery.

A side note: in trying to write dialog in Sean Connery‘s accent I think I invented LOLCONNERY-Speak.

So what do you guys think of the song? Good song? Good bond theme? Both? Neither? What was the BEST bond theme?

Can You Dig It?

I battled a serious case of writer’s block today. I had roughed out 4 or 5 comic ideas but none of them ever gelled. Josh suggested I do a fart joke and be done with it. I didn’t want to cop out quite that hard, but as a tribute to my day of desperation and to his flatulent suggestion, I threw one in the first panel.

I’d like to think Isaac Hayes was floating around in some sort of Soulicious Chocolate Funk Heaven, the kind of place where Bootsy Collins, not St. Peter, would greet you at the pearly entrance to the Eternal Life Funkdubious Mothership Spacegasm. Alas, Mr. Hayes was a Sci-Lon. You’d think he could have warded of the brainwashing powers of the “Church of Scientolgy” with his Sex-Machine powers or his ability to “not cop out when there’s danger all about.” (I know the song isn’t about HIM but… isn’t it, though?)

At least Sci-Lon’s believe in a type of reincarnation (it litterally involves a trip to Venus to have your soul refitted with a new “meat-body”). He could already be back. If you see a 2 day old baby with a deep, soulful voice, a willingness to risk his neck for his brother man and just a little more facial hair that you would expect from an infant, that’s probably him.

Ya’ damn right.

Dethkomercial

I had previously mentioned that the airing of a commercial for a video game on stage between bands at the Dethklok concert was… unwelcome at best. Turns out that particular part of the show hasn’t been very well received by the audiences at each of their tour stops. I assume the fire that halted a San Francisco Dethklok show was the result of a disgruntled fan that didn’t want to be sold anything else after purchasing a $30 ticket with $15 in convenient charges, a $25 shirt and several $4 beers.

It was a lot like the first time I saw a commercial at a movie theater instead of just trailers. You’re excited for the entertainment you’ve paid for and are about to enjoy and then something happens to make you feel ashamed and dirty. When they began projecting the advert on a 50 foot wide screen in front of us Josh panicked and began trying to fast forward the concert. I explained that what were were experiencing wasn’t recorded on a Tivo but was actually a live event that couldn’t be time-shifted. He then tried to delete the torrent. I just held him as he acted out his paranoid psychosis¬† and wept.

I get it. Touring is crazy expensive, and when a corporation approaches you and offers to foot some or all of the bill if you agree to certain impositions on behalf of your audience it’s probably pretty difficult to say no. I guess it just seemed like the kind of thing that would be more at home at a Panic at the Disco show than a Dethklok concert. That logic, and my disapproval, really don’t make any sense seeing as how “Dethklok” is just an advertisement for an ad supported cartoon, DVD’s and other merchandise. Like I said, I actually enjoy their music regardless of their fantastically entertaining television program.

I remember seeing Weezer at the first Honda civic tour in the early 2000’s. That was my first experience with corporate sponsored rock and roll. There were Honda Civics on the floor of the concert that you could sit in. I think there was a mosh pit test drive too. There were tents where I could play Playstation racing games featuring the all new Civic, and informational booths where I could learn more about the ABS brakes, dual airbags, and “roomier than you would think” interior. I got a free Weezer poster at that show. Well, it said “Weezer” in tiny letters. Mostly had a picture of a car. And the name of a car.

In all honesty, I really wasn’t even all that offended at the Dethkomercial. I was just VERY SURPRISED to see it DURING a metal show. That’s all.

Brutal

Josh and I saw Dethklok live on Saturday night.

It’s hard to explain the series of mental hoops one has to jump through upon realization that you’ve just paid $50 to see a cartoon heavy metal band play live.¬† I’ve said this before on the HE Podcast, but I enjoy Dethklok in a completely un-ironic way. I know the band members are technically animated characters on an Adult Swim show, but I listen to their music just like any other band. Actually, I think I enjoy them more than most bands because there’s a built in mechanism where they CAN’T take themselves too seriously… because they don’t exist.

Dethklok manages to perfectly blend my interests in rock & roll, comedy and satire. Their music instantly transcends being a “joke” because Brendon Small, the show’s co-creator and composer, is a fantastic metal musician. Josh and I were talking after the show about how amazing this guy’s life seems (on paper). He got to make a fairly popular cartoon (Home Movies), then somehow he got to make an extremely popular cartoon (Metalocalypse), then through some series of witchcraft and enchantment he parlays that cartoon success into becomming an actual rock star. And make no mistake, he was a FUCKING ROCK STAR.

The first panel of this comic actually happened. We wondered aloud if the audience would consist more of Adult Swim fans or Metal fans. It was almost entirely the latter. The legitimacy the crowd granted this intentional farce was a site to behold. The opening bands (Chimaira and Soilent Green) were ACTUAL metal bands. They have paid their dues (or were still paying them), toured the country, scraped by and earned the respect of the people in the audience. They were both very well received. Dethklok, on the other hand, A) doesn’t even exist, and B) has only played a grand total of 30 or 40 shows to date and they were greeted like the second coming of Lemmy.

The show itself consisted of the band playing live while synced up animation plaid on the screen behind them. It was a good mix of scenes from the show and all new clips.¬† Every 3 or 4 songs, the human band would exit the stage and we’d get 2 or 3 minutes of bonus animation, such as an orientation from “Face Bones,” and vinette about Murderface pissing sitting down.

Show Highlights were:

  • Extended Skwisgar sex scene in “Thunderhorse”
  • The “Duncan Hills Jingle” live
  • The fact the Brendon Small can sing live as Nathan Explosion with no effects
  • Brendon Small carrying on a live conversation between Nathan, Skwisgar and Pickles
  • Pickles and Nathan’s dueling vocals on “Hatredcopter” despite being voiced by the same dude
  • MURMAIDER MURMAIDER MURMAIDER MURMAIDER!!!
  • Seeing “Go Into the Water” live (it’s my favorite Dethklok song)

Check out some full reviews from Saturday’s show at Dethklok.org.

I wanna’ pork you like an animal

Like, maybe a pig.

Earlier this year pioneers of dock-worker rock, Journey, found a new lead singer (their 4th?) by scouring Journey cover bands and karaoke masters on the Youtubes. I’ve done some scientific testing (listening with headphones) and Arnel Pineda sounds more like Steve Perry than Steve Effing Perry (his actual middle name).

Just last week Boston announced they had hired a Home Depot employee to replace late lead singer Brad Delp after hearing his renditions of their songs on Myspace.

“Hi, this is one of the dudes from Boston. We heard your Myspace songs and we want you to sing in our band.”

“Real funny, Steve. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to stock these hex wrenches and 1/4 inch washers. Dick.”

I heard the guy and he does a passable karaoke Boston-style impression, but that’s about it. Sad, because Boston is in my top 5 classic rock bands of all time. Their message of finding happiness through rock and roll always inspired me. No joke.

So, who knows, maybe Josh can take over when Trent Reznor retires (i.e. is piece by piece carried back to the depths from whence he was spawned by one thousand blood-eyed crows).

I hope more bands turn to Youtube for their new singers. I want Tay Zonday to spread his chocolate rain on Velvet Revolver before they get a chance to do a fucking reality show, and the Numa Numa guy to sign on with… whatever group made the Numa Numa song in the first place.

Which Inter-video-tard and band would you pair up?

UPDATE:
Nevermind. Tay Zonday already replaced Rivers Cuomo in Weezer. The end is nigh. (via Bill)