Everybody Wants Prosthetic Foreheads On Their Real Heads

I am very bad at seeing movies right when they come out. As my parenting has gotten stronger, my ability to drop everything at a moment’s notice and go to a 1am showing of a movie where nerds are likely to be dressed up in cloaks and brandishing lazer swords has severely diminished. I am also bad at seeing a headline like “DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE BECAUSE IT SPOILS THE ENTIRE MOVIE YOU REALLY WANT TO GO SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A BABY SITTER IN A FEW WEEKS!!!” and not reading it immediately.  I am my nerd enjoyment’s own worst enemy.

COMMENTERS: What’s the greatest length you’ve ever gone to in order to remain unspoiled? Given up the Internet? Severed friendships? GIVEN UP THE INTERET?!?! THE ACTUAL INTERNET?!?!?

Comments (39)

Yusaku777's avatar

Yusaku777 · 108 weeks ago

I actually made it through all three Star Wars prequels without ever seeing the trailers. I avoided everything possible, even the toys. And this was while I was working at Target. That was hard to do.

The biggest spoiler I got before one of the three movies? That Obi-wan grew a beard before the second movie. (Couldn’t avoid the graphics on the toy aisle end caps.)

5 replies · active 107 weeks ago

A buddy of mine bought the soundtrack for Episode 1 that came out something like 2 weeks before the film, and one of the tracks was called “The Death of Qui-Gon Jinn.” He said he’d never been angrier in his life (all 12 years of it).
That. Is. Fucking. Bullshit.
They did it on the Serenity Soundtrack too. Track 10 is called “Shepherd Book’s Last Words.” Of course by 2005, no one bought soundtracks anymore.
I was in uni during the prequels. Two months before Clones came out, a guy in class did a presentation and his background music was the unreleased (at that point) soundtrack. To make matters worse, he emailed everyone in class a copy of the script.

This is 2 months before the movie came out. God I was furious.

How he got those things, I have no idea.

Junkyard's avatar

Junkyard · 107 weeks ago

I actually made it through all three Star Wars prequels without ever seeing the films.
Haughty-helmet-wearing-hands-on-hips Joel is MY FAVORITE JOEL.

1 reply · active 108 weeks ago

It’s a permanent change. Glad you like it.
They Might Be Giants reference win!

2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

Rebecca's avatar

Rebecca · 108 weeks ago

Seriously! I was just remembering how much I loved listening to TMBG with my dad when I was in awkward pre-teen (and beyond). Even though Joel and I are the same age, he often reminds me of my dad in these nerdy ways that are also sometimes really touching.
Go to your room.
Athene's avatar

Athene · 108 weeks ago

When the LOTR movies came out, I refused to watch any trailers. I think I saw some stills, but that is it. Whenever a trailer would come on, I would change the channel or leave the room. If I couldn’t change the channel or leave, I’d close my eyes and hum until I was sure it was over. I’m actually really glad I did that because a lot of the wonderful visual moments were brand new to me when I saw the movies.

1 reply · active 108 weeks ago

I guess that’s different for me since when a movie is based on a book that everyone knows the ending to, I dont really consider it a spoiler.
My dad went to see Skyfall before me. He was going to say something about it but
I told him to shut up, because a mere mention of him liking it or not would tell me many things, as I know his taste in movies.

At the moment Star Trek Into Darkness is the only film I’m spoiler-shielding myself as I got to see Iron Man 3 last weekend. I should just go tumblr-free until I’ve seen it. I don’t watch trailers online, but mere seconds after any new material comes out, there’s a saturated gif set, fan art, frame by frame analysis and crossover with Supernatural or something. Tumblr savior is a thing, sure, but it only works if people tag their posts properly.

I’m going to see the Great Gatsby, but I read the book and Kate Beaton’s strips, so the only thing internet can spoil for me is the level of trainwreck.

As for Superman, I saw a Man of Steel teaser in the cinema and at first thought it was a gritty fishing drama, The Perfect Storm 2 or something.

2 replies · active 108 weeks ago

“My dad went to see Skyfall before me… that was 8 months ago. I may never speak to him again.”
Greg's avatar

Greg · 108 weeks ago

I prepared for my trip to the cinema with my wife to see Skyfall for her birthday by going the week before with a work colleague. I deserve a prize for keeping my mouth shut.
Being in that slightly niche position of being in the UK, but also liking NFL, for the 2012 Superbowl I had to record the match on the Sunday night, and wasn’t able to watch it until the Tuesday evening. So I spent 2 whole days ignoring every and any media possible – no internet, no radio, no newspapers, no TV. It was hellish, but I managed to avoid finding out the result.
I’ve so far remained almost entirely knowledge-free about Star Trek Into Darkness. No trailers, nothing. I did accidentally come across some headlines that mentioned a major plot point (which I assume is in the trailers) when I was looking for photos from the London premiere.

I haven’t really given anything up – just been extremely careful around any internet-mention of the movie.

90percentgeek's avatar

90percentgeek · 108 weeks ago

I’m holding off reading the Game of Thrones novels until after the TV series (and therefore presumably the books) are completed. Its one of the only adaptations where I hadn’t got to reading the books before they chose to adapt it to another medium. As such whenever I say I like the show and someone starts to say how it compares to the books I have to shut them down quickly but politely and explain I haven’t read the books and want to make my own comparisons once I’ve watched the whole show.

2 replies · active 107 weeks ago

Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 108 weeks ago

I’m reading a book after each tv season, so just read book 2. You could read book 1 and 2 and it wouldn’t affect your enjoyment of series 3.
Junkyard's avatar

Junkyard · 107 weeks ago

I found having read the books enhances my enjoyment of the series, rather than spoiling it. Great though the series is, the books are better, so I’d rather the spoiling happens that way around. Also, lots of little details in the series (which are barely explained) make far more sense with the background from the books.
Kiltmancomics's avatar

Kiltmancomics · 108 weeks ago

Google “Coolest Motorcycle Helmets” Ironman Is Among Them. As Someone Who Imdbs All Movies I Watch.. Spoilers Dont Bother Me..But A Load Of Movies I End Up Seeibg In My “Home Theatre” Via Redbox, Rather Than The Theatre, Because Of Schedules And Finances.. (Again, Sorry About Caps, All Words Seem Proper To The Android I Guess)
 Stephen's avatar

Stephen · 108 weeks ago

Spoilers don’t really bother me too much. I mean I don’t go seeking them out, but if someone lets something slip I’m not going to eviscerate them with my adamantium claws. The most important thing to me is not what happens but how it happens. It’s the journey, not the destination. Unless the destination sucks… then no amount of journey can save it.
The Black Dog's avatar

The Black Dog · 108 weeks ago

I have a few people who are being filtered out of my Twitter feed because they decided this year to start quoting lines from Mad Men as they are watching the new episodes. I can’t watch the episode until Monday so I don’t want to be spoiled.
ElNick's avatar

ElNick · 108 weeks ago

I’d been talking to this girl for a while; she’s hot, I think she’s a little into me too, the conversation’s flowing as great as ever, when:

‘Oh yeah I saw the Avengers on the weekend! -character name- dies, how sad.’

I never spoke to her again. On sheer principle.

skoby's avatar

skoby · 108 weeks ago

I was 13 when The Matrix was released and it was rated 15 here, I tried getting in to see it with some older mates but failed. Two of my friends at school somehow got to see it and I somehow managed to avoid any major spoilers right up until a week before it was released on video (didn’t have a dvd player yet lol) and then for some reason one of the teachers decided to use the plot of the matrix for a subject of an assembly somehow twisting it to a metaphor about Christianity and Jesus, everything from the humans being used as a power source, being betrayed by Cypher (yes they even said his name), Zion and Neo’s powers.

Totally ruined the film for me and I think I may be the only person here who enjoyed the sequels more than the original, as disappointing as they were at least I didn’t see any spoilers.

bionelly's avatar

bionelly · 108 weeks ago

I don’t really worry too much about movie spoilers – the whole responsible-parent thing, combined with a general lack of funds, means that I almost never see a movie less than a month after it comes out (and the vast majority wait until they’re on Netflix) and by then it’s pretty much a lost cause. If I have to wait a few days to see a TV episode I’ll go into “internet quarantine”, though – I don’t stay away from the internet entirely, but places like this, tumblr, fan forums and news sites are off-limits.

3 replies · active 108 weeks ago

I manage to make it to the theater about 6 times a year. I like seeing a movie when it’s new, but I find the overall theater experience pretty dreadful. During Iron Man 3 a woman behind me was explaining the entire movie to her 10 year old THE ENTIRE TIME. She never stopped talking at a normal volume.
Those are the worst types of people.
Rebecca's avatar

Rebecca · 108 weeks ago

At least you know she is going to the special hell.
Connor's avatar

Connor · 108 weeks ago

So far during every Saturday since the second part of season 7 of Doctor Who I give up the internet until I have seen the episode. As for movies it is hard to stay away from spoilers when I have a sister who won’t ever stop spoiling stuff like Iron Man 3 to me. I wish I had that helmet for those times.
I wanted to be absolutely surprised for the very last YJ comic issue, so I stayed off Tumblr and twitter the whole day. I know that sounds like a small task but I work from a computer ALL DAY, so the temptation was right there the whole time. It was worth it since the last two pages had moments for my favorite pairing ever.
MichaelH's avatar

MichaelH · 108 weeks ago

I rely on stupidity and bad memory to remain spoiler free for something. A UK Sci-fi magazine back in the day spoiled the Angel/Buffy huge plot twistfor mid season 2, ages before I saw Buffy on normal BBC TV. Infact I think I got the video from Blockbuster ahead of series 2 being shown, and was surprised. Then went ‘oh, wait… duh’

Recently, both a friend and I were completely blindsided by the villain reveal in Dark Knight Rises, despite having heard the character name and person who played them being revealed in the starting run up to the film, before it was even realised this was a spoiler.

I go the other way and deliberately spoil stuff for myself assuming I’ll never see the TV show, etc in question, and then later decide to get in to it 🙁

Currently the furthest I go to be spoiler free is giving up twitter until I’ve seen the newest Strip Searched. I even braved twitter when I hadn’t seen the latest Doctor Who. Though that was because it was a stand alone episode. If it had been the final episode… well, it’s easier to just watch the darn thing no matter the tim of night/morning than avoid the internet for too long!

Neph Sy's avatar

Neph Sy · 108 weeks ago

I do close my eyes, cover my ears and hum a tune when I see a commercial or promo for a show or movie I am looking forward to seeing. Working at home makes a difference, I don’t pass by newsstands or hear people conversing on the bus or at the “office”, since my office is my basement.

The less plugged in you are the easier it is to avoid spoilers; no tumblr, no twitter, and I avoid Yahoo news at times. For reality show contests like Survivor, Project Runway, and Idol, I no longer watch Entertainment Tonight or other entertainment news shows, that cuts down on the chance of the finales being spoiled until I have a chance to watch them. Even managed to record the Oscars and watch it two days later, without any knowledge of who won.

I managed to avoid being spoiled on the dark knight rises for almost 2 years

1 reply · active 107 weeks ago

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 107 weeks ago

Alfred did it.
BlackBunny's avatar

BlackBunny · 107 weeks ago

I stopped reading this comic (and started avoiding all forms of internet geekery) because I couldn’t bring myself to watch Doctor Who series 7 part I until January and I was afraid of spoilers (I didn’t want my time with the Ponds to end!). While I managed to stay spoiler-free, I alienated several friends who wanted my opinions on the series. It was a dark, humourless time.

You’ve Got Me On My Knees

CRUISE FUNDRAISER: 77/100 prints are sold and I only have until Dec 15th (4 days left!) to meet my goal of selling all 100. Help me get on a nerd boat and get some neat art for yourself in the process!

DEC 12th at 12noon Pacific IS YOUR LAST CHANCE to order anything from Sharksplode before Santaween!
 ME AND WIL MADE YOU A NEW SHIRT and WE ALSO MADE HOODIES! 

COMMENTERS: Let’s assume “Harrison” is a red herring. What other movie trailer red herring’s did you fall for? Or did you see through them while the rest of the Internet lost it’s collective mind?

Hey hey! You can listen to an interview I did on the Clinically Inane podcast.

She Could Have Had It All

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Show Us On The Trilogy Where George Hurt You - funny star wars t-shirt, george lucas shirt, star wars parody

[Thanks to @cajunjoel for the tweet that inspired this comic.]

This starts off a week of pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics, and will lead into a week of fantastic guest comics from some of my favorite artists and Internet funny types.

I watched the Grammy’s Sunday night, which is odd since I am extremely disconnected from “the music the kids are listening to these days with the hips hops and the jim-jams and such.” I tuned in right as front Foo Dave Grohl was making an impassioned acceptance speech about how important it is to learn to play a real instrument and really sing into a microphone and not worry about over producing and striving for phony perfection and… he was played off stage by LMFAO. That pretty much distills exactly how I feel about the current state of popular music. I was also rather outraged that domestic abuse not only DOESN’T hurt your chances of winning music’s highest award, but it actually seems to help your odds. Despicable motherfuckers should be treated as the pariahs they are and not like aspirational heroes.

I went on a marathon live tweeting of the Grammy awards presentation and I suspect I lost a few followers. Those that stuck around are my true Fancy Bastards and we could probably share a beer with two straws in real life.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch the Grammys? Do you, like me, think this year’s awards will always be remembered as “The year WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBwuhhhhhhhhhhvrrrrrrrrrWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB made it’s Grammy debut?” Do you identify with modern pop music or are you [also like me] seeking out more and more specialized/obscure music that isn’t fit for the mainstream? Where are you finding it? I am listening almost exclusively to instrumental prog-metal these days. Animals As Leaders has really opened my eyes to a whole slew of bands that I didn’t even know were out there.

Reptilis Rex launches this week!
A new online comic called Reptilis Rex starts this week! It’s about a species of Reptoids that have been living in the hollow Earth all throughout history who, for some reason have to come to the surface and integrate with human society.

The creator, who goes by the admitted pseudonym William Tallman, is one of my favorite cartoonists and a nearly functional human being to boot. Please do support his new effort and share it with your friends. There is already a week’s worth of comics in the archive.

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

Built Like A Dick Wheelhouse

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

funny scifi parody t-shirt newt 2012 newt for president t-shirt aliens ripley scifi parody

My friend Corn Mo tweeted something that inspired this comic. Philip K. Dick is certainly a prolific sci-fi author, but he does dance around four or five core concepts in most of his work. It’s not surprising that the issues he wrote about (paranoia, the definition of reality, the machinations of the supposed puppet masters behind the curtain, what it means to be human, the threat of war, etc) were the very things that plagued his addled mind. He also had a penchant for overly verbose titles. Had Radiohead’s OK Computer actually been inspired by Dick, I assume it would have been titled Alright, Computer. Let’s Do This Thing. Let’s Get This Show On The Road.

I’ve said before that the concept of a Blade Runner sequel doesn’t offend me. That’s a rich world and I’m sure there are more stories to be told. The idea that Deckard (Harrison Ford) would be in the sequel, however, makes me want to [ZOOM/ENHANCE] SHIT MY LUNGS OUT OF MY FACE. What a great way to completely invalidate one of the most important ambiguous movie endings in all of geek culture. Of course we all KNOW Deckard was a replicant, but the slight nagging voice in the back of our collective minds that says, “Was he? Was he really?” is part of the film’s appeal. I don’t want to see 70 year old Deckard in the sequel hooked up to 100 car batteries with a USB mod-chip plugged into his ear. Doesn’t he realize he’s going to get his IP permanently banned from Repli-net Live?

Of course, Blade Runner is one of those movies with so many OFFICIAL DEFINITIVE FINAL DIRECTOR’S cuts that you can’t even really discuss it in mixed company without first checking Wikipedia and synchronizing your memory watches. Did your version even HAVE a unicorn? No? Then we should probably talk about something else. So how’s about that local news item with the murder and whatever?

COMMENTERS: Is there a Dick story that you would love to see adapted rather than a a sequel to Blade Runner, or did The Matrix Trilogy cover (lift) essentially every original idea that Dick ever proposed (it did). Will you support a Blade Runner sequel WITH Harrison Ford?

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!

#truemetalfacts

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Show Us On The Trilogy Where George Hurt You - funny star wars t-shirt, george lucas shirt, star wars parody

I am sort of obsessed with the VH1 Classic show Metal Evolution. It chronicles the origins of metal from the earliest Celto-Scandinavian troll worshiping proto-Druids to today’s loud and angry angry-loud dudes, and ties it all together with lineage charts, moon phases, farmer’s almanacs, bundles of sage and armor piercing cod-pieces. As Eli says above, it IS a rich and storied history.

Last week’s episode regarding the proliferation of European “Power Metal” was particularly fascinating. Power Metal is a sub-genre that involves fast soloing with classical influences, powerful high vocals, and lyrical content about dragons, destiny, glory, battle, brothers and sisters rising, challenges, more destiny, a boat, more dragons, a bigger boat, ice, THE MOUNTAIN, overcoming, an enchanted lute, a regular lyre, a sorceress’s betrayal, the last unicorn, a dwarf, crystals, and valor. Another thing worth mentioning about Power Metal is nearly all of the songs sound like they COULD be glorifying white supremacy. They aren’t. But they sound like they COULD be. I strongly recommend Metal Evolution for all fans of music and the endless permutations of musical genres.

COMMENTERS: Please create more #truemetalfacts. If you post them on Twitter, use the hash tag.

You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache.

Get HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Prints!