With Great Power Ballads…

You might be saying, “But I’ve never seen the hit practical joke show Prizzanked on the BROtv network.” And you would be right to say that. Prizzanked actually airs on UPN, which stopped being on the TV some years ago. That’s part of why it’s such a good prank.

I honestly believed the Spider-Man musical, Spider-Man: Change The Light Bulb In The Laundry Room Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark would never actually see the light of day. A series of financial setbacks coupled with the fact that (until now) the universe seemed to be governed by reason left me with the impression that such terrible nonsense would not make it to fruition. Hell, THIS VERY COMIC was founded on the idea that an emo Spider-Man was a mockery of the web-slinger. Now there is video evidence that such a bebangfaced, warbling wall-crawler does in fact star in a very real musical stage play that will be put on for actual human beings to… enjoy?

I guess the possibility still exists that on opening night the crowd will take their seats, the lights will dim, the curtain will rise and some jackhole in a trucker hat will run out and individually punch every person in the theater square in the balls.

Just for fun, here are a few more jabs from the host of Prizzanked to Bono:
“Uno! Dos! Tres! Fourteen! PRIZZANKED!”
“She want lemon? SHE WANT PRIZZANKED!”
“Where the streets have no name, except for that one street PRIZZANKED AVENUE!”
And finally, “Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, PRIZZANK ME! Chump.”

Comment Challenge: Rename Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark
[Inspired by FB JustChristine who came up with Spiderman: Turn Around Bright Eyes]

I Am Edward Norton’s Inflamed Sense Of Rejection

Comic-Con 2010

This comic was actually intended to run last Friday (when this story was still fresh) but I had to preempt it to make fun of Apple’s “Antennagate” press conference.


I will be at the Topatoco booth (#1231) in the Webcomic’s Pavilion (just around the corner from Penny Arcade). I will have a few shirts, my book, various comic prints, a few left over large prints, [maybe a secret special print… more on that later], and a new item:

Sketch Cards! For $5 I will do a quick sketch for you on a nice card that looks like this:

HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Con Sketch Cards

Pretty neat, huh? Sketches in HE books (that you buy) are free, and larger commissioned pieces are priced depending on complexity.

COMIC-CON EXCLUSIVE “Browncoat vs. Red Shirt” SHIRTS!!!

I can now announce that I did a couple of shirt designs for Quantum Mechanix, fine online retailer of various Firefly/Serentiy, Dr. Horrible, Battlestar and Star Trek Merch, that will be exclusively sold at Comic-Con (booth 3251, which is mid-hall, toward the back wall, near the break area) and likely never again. Pick a side and display your colors proudly.


FB’s JustChristine and JonnyAce wants to organize a meetup for sometime during the con. Thursday night I will be at W00tstock. If you are interested make a comment. If enough people are interested we can make an event on the Fancy Bastards Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter for minute to minute updates as to what’s going on while I’m at Comic-Con.

Avengers Get All Assembley!

Still working on a proper C2E2 write up. In the meantime, let’s speculate wildly about Joss Whedon possibly, maybe, definitely directing The Avengers movie. What Whedonisms should he include in the film and which ones should he hold back on? As a fan of his Astonishing X-Men run I have high hopes in his ability to breath new life into a decades old superhero franchise, but as a person with a functional memory I know Whedon’s projects don’t always turn out as he plans. Often the suits and execs and various other meddlers twist his creative vision into piles of disjointed poo. What say you good commenter?

Dallas SciFi Expo

The Dallas Scifi Expo is this weekend. I will be sharing a table with Randy from Something*Positive so put on your Storm Trooper helmet and come say hi. I have on good authority a man called Jayne is going to be there.

Don’t Forget! [Edward shirts now at Topatoco!]

Sympathy For The Symbiote

Marvel hired the guy that wrote Seabiscuit to script the Venom movie? Sounds like a shitbiscuit. Hey-ooo!

hijinks-ensue-godspeed-you-fancy-bastard-book-300x300I started reading Amazing Spider-Man in the mid-90’s and Venom was front and center for most of that time. One thing that sticks out in my head-parts is him constantly threatening to eat someone’s brains. Even the “talking” action figure that came out when I was in 5th grade said “We want to eat your brains!” He didn’t actually talk, but you could pull this strip of red tape through his enormous backpack to make him repeat garbled phrases. It actually sounded more like “WIWACHHHNNTOEEEEEUHHHBRACHCHCHCH!” Anyway, the point is how are they going to turn brain eating alien symbiote into a hero?

I read that Marvel did this in the 2000’s with a few Venom solo titles. I also know that there is little evidence that he actually ATE any brains. According this this CBR forum thread, Venom talked a big brain-eat game but never got around to closing the deal. At one point the symbiote (not Eddie/Venom) was feeding off human brain juice, but it turns out (I shit you not) that the same chemical was found in chocolate so Eddie Brock just kept some Hershey’s bars around to quench his better half’s brain thirst. This little tidbit might make you rethink your zombie survival plan.

I wonder if there was ever a “What if?” type comic where Peter Parker chose to bond with the symbiote permanently. That would have been cool. Speaking of cool, this movie will be the opposite of that. I can feel it in my Spider-sense, which is the sense that warns me when Spider-Man related movies with suck with the proportionate speed and strength of a spider that sucks.


Come see me this weekend if you are in or arround Austin, TX. I will have 3 separate appearances and would like to schedule a reader meetup lunch/coffee/whatever for Saturday afternoon (10/24). More info HERE.

I have added 2 new appearances in November. I will be at the West TX Comic-Con in Lubbock on 11/7/09 and the Dallas Webcomics Expo the following weekend (11/14).

I have also confirmed registration for Emerald City Comic-Con in Seattle, March 13-14.


The service I use for my store seems to have misreported the number of Ultimate Fancy Editions of the book that were sold. Instead of 150 it looks like only 147 were ordered. I’ve spent the last few days frantically checking and rechecking Paypal logs and everything seems to point to my store just reporting the wrong number for no reason.
Bad news: books havent shipped yet because I’m terrified there are missing orders out there somewhere.
Good news: There may be 2-3 more UFE’s for sale soon. I will post on Twitter and the first two to respond will get first dibs. FOLLOW ME to get in on that action.
Other Bad news: When it’s all said and done, someone somewhere may not get an UFE they think the ordered, either because the paypal transaction never went through or some random eff up of the internet. If this turns out to be you I will find a way to make it up to you.


The new “Dark Phoenix Saga” is when Jean Grey goes nuts and starts posting naked pictures of herself on Twitter.

This will probably be the last comic this week (ie no comic on Friday) since I only have a few days left before HE Book 1 (pictured below… maybe you should preorder it) has to be finalized and sent to the printer. Thanks for understanding (and for preordering the book… please. go. do it now).