The 1984rity Report

Bill Barnes tweeted a… tweet twat that gave me the idea for this comic.

billba Super annoying because there are 1680 & 1920 15″ screens out there. 1440 isn’t very “Pro” to we graphics professionals.

He has a point. Another point is that after seeing the new Macbooks/ Macbooks Pro I hate my 1st gen Macbook Pro and want a new one. Another another point is that it will always be this way because Apple is in the business of constantly one upping themselves hardware-wise in terms of performance and coolness. That’s just the nature of the brushed aluminum beast.

I will say that I really do prefer my matte screen to the glassy shiny ones. I will most likely buy another Apple laptop between now and the end of time, so I guess I’ll have to adapt.

The fervor that Apple invokes from it’s flock (myself included) tends to make one feel guilty when criticizing their products. As if I somehow don’t have the right to dislike a choice they’ve made. That’s class-A zombification there. It makes me joyfully sad to admit that.

There’s going to be a part 2 to this comic on Friday. We’ll see where the nice men in black turtle necks take Joel and what they do to him there. Should be fun.

For Your Consideration

Inspired by Tindomiel and the other FB’s that created THIS AMAZINGLY AWESOME VIDEO (read the story and watch it NOW!), I’ve decided the HE crew should formally apply to The Evil League of Evil. Here’s hoping we’ve made the Bad Horse gleeful.

Feel free to use the comments to fill in the 3 arch villains backstories, powers, sidekicks, nemesis… nemesies… you get the idea.

I Am iRon Man

HOLY CRAP, STEVE JOBS HAD A HEART ATTACK (except not at all)!

Turns out it may have been an attempt to sabotage Apple’s stock (AAPL) prices. The perpetrator is potentially facing prison time. So if CNN picks up this comic and thinks it’s real, am I going to Federal Pound You In The Ass Prison (FPYITAP)?

In other Apple news, there’s been a rumor of a new Apple product called “The Brick” netting around the trons for a few weeks. Now it looks like “brick” may refer to a brick of solid billet aluminum, out of which the new Macbooks and Macbooks Pro will be machined out of using water jets and lasers. Sounds cool and all, but nothing earth shattering.

Assuming Eli and Steve did get to work on an iRon Man suit, I imagine it would have no visible seems, be incredibly light, have sub par battery life, radiate at about 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit and provide absolutely no protection against machine guns or tank shells. I can also assure you it would be beautiful and Eli would be fired about 3 months into the process for “not getting the vision!”

I suppose I should also mention that Iron Man is the best selling Blu Ray of all time. So many people bought it, in fact, that they shut down Sony’s BD-Live servers. I’ve decided I’m never going to buy a Blu Ray. I’m going to wait until the players are incredibly cheap, then Netflix them until they are completely replaced by digital content distribution.

Eli is going to Chicago this week (all week). If you know of anything he should make sure to visit, experience or a great place to take photos, feel free to post it in the comments. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Maybe some Chicago FB’s want to buy him a beer?

The Hobo Code of Honor

If the man yer dealin’ with asks for an activated iPhone, he’s gettin’ an ACTIVATED iPhone. A hobo’s word is his bond. So is his switchblade. Wait, that’s a crappy code. I think it’s, “A hobo is only as good as his word, and his word is only as good as his stabbing ability.” No, it’s definitely, “A hobo stabs first and stabs questions later.”

Looks like Apple had some trouble activating all those new iPhone 3G’s and ended up sending people home with iBricks. “Thanks for 7 hours in line, $200 and a 2 year commitment! Here’s a thing that doesn’t work!”

You old school Fancy Bastards may remember “Apple Store Guy” from the EXTREMELY short lived Mac-themed comic I did for Apple Insider.

On a related note, THIS is my favorite comic about Hoboes who are also cats.