Somebody Set Up Us The Bomb

Maybe the giant turtle is UNDER the island, and the H-bomb will awaken him from his 1000 year slumber to rain slow turtley terror upon the island’s inhabitants!

This comic was intended to run right after the “LOST” Season 5 finale, but… it didn’t. Just pretend it got stuck in a complicated time loop and spent the last 3 years in 1977.

***SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE LOST SEASON 5 FINALE***

Jack Shephard is off his fucking nut. He’s a few fish biscuits short of a box of DHARMA fish biscuits, if you know what I mean. Even if his plan to BLOW UP TIME works, he will essentially be making everyone’s life [but his own] worse. Charlie would still be a junkie and probably still be dead, Kate would be in prison, Sawyer would have no closure with his dad, Desmond would still be on the island away from Penny, Locke would still be in a wheel chair (i suppose you can argue that his new found sense of purpose and the ability to walk may not have been worth his life in the end), Juliette would still be a captive of Ben, Sun would have left Jin and Jin wouldn’t have stopped being an asshole, and Hurley… well, he always seems fine, so I suppose his life would be the same.

My new theory is that Jacob’s enemy, Fake-Locke, has actually been every dead island person who has appeared to anyone else. That includes Shannon, Boone, Christian, Claire, Hurley’s head-deads, etc. My guess is that he was unable to kill Jacob directly, so he had to trick Ben into doing it.

***END SPOILERS***

A couple of quick things:

A Phenomenon Known As “J.J. Vu”

Even though I’ve never seen A.L.I.A.S., Josh tells me it had the same undertones. Maybe Felicity did too. It was, after all, about time travel. Maybe J.J. Abrams only has the one idea. Regardless I am going to stick around for Fringe and see where it goes. The pilot got me interested and the follow up episode that aired last night, while not stellar, managed to keep me interested. I am still “take it or leave it” at this point.

Check out HE Podcast # 28 (around 02:09:30) to hear our complete opinions on the pilot, the show’s concept, its chances for survival and why Josh hates it so much.

You can also voice your own opinion on Fringe in this Fancy Bastard Forum thread. If you haven’t already joined the FBF, feel free to do so NOW! Only a couple of rules: 1) Don’t be a jerk to anyone ever 2) Don’t be hateful to anyone ever 3) Debate but do not argue or attack 4) Have geeky fun

In The Event of a Water Landing…

Ding-Dongs can be used as a flotation device. So can Hurley.  The resulting tsunami actually destroyed The Island.

I assume at least some of you haven’t seen the LOST Season 4 finale, so rest assured this comic doesn’t give anything away. It is merely an alternate (more realistic) course of events that could have taken place in last night’s episode.

For those that have seen it… are you kidding me? You saw everyone looking at the lard-ass-son-ma-bitch. They were all thinking it. Survival of the fittest, motherfuckers.

Don’t forget to sign up for your summer internship with Octagon Global Recruiting.

Remember, you can’t spell “ARRRGGGHHHH!!!” without ARG.

UPDATE:

Apparently this was the 100th HijiNKS Ensue comic (not counting the 2 guest comics).  I’ve considered doing a book of the first 100 comics, then doing the the first full 2 years (all of 2007-08) as a deluxe book when the time comes.

Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home

Forget Fisher Stevens! They should get Scott Bakula on LOST. He needs to way to repent for his crimes. Actually, they don’t need any Quantum Leap actors since Desmond is basically a Scottish Dr. Sam Beckett. Think about it. When the hatch blew, that was him “stepping into the Quantum Leap Accelerator.” For a while there with Charlie he was striving to “put right what once went wrong.” Instead of “Oh, boy” he says “(oh) brother.” Al is Sam’s “constant” just as Penny is Desmond’s. Ok, wait. I started typing this as a joke. Now I just think they ripped off Quantum Leap.

Also they had a helicopter… that’s just like “Airwolf!” Those bastards. And Walt is “Small Wonder!” It’s all 80’s TV!

  • Locke = Mr. Belvedere
  • Ecko= Mr. T as B.A. Baracus from “The A Team”
  • Jack = some guy from St. “Elsewhere” or possibly Sam from “Cheers”
  • ummmm… premise getting thin… must recover…
  • Hurley = Natalie from “Facts of Life”
  • Oh wait! Ecko and Locke are both Bull from “Nightcourt!” No! Ecko is Mac, Jack is Judge Harry, Sawyer is Dan Fielding, Kate is Christine Sullivan, Rose is Roz (YES! YES!), Rousseau is Selma, the Others are Phil the homeless guy, the smoke monster is Mel Torme (get it? “The Velvet Fog“), and the island is the courthouse which exists out of phase with the rest of the world (because it’s AT NIGHT!!!) IT ALL MAKES SENSE! I HAVE JUST SOLVED LOST!
  • LOST = NIGHT COURT FTW!!!LOLOLeleventy1!11!00!!LOLZ

I think I just had a faneurysm. Did I ust invent that word? Don’t fucking steal it! I’m going to put it on a shirt or something.

Don’t forget about the Lost premier tomorrow night

Because I did.

I didn’t actually forget because I never knew about it. That’s weird. Despite that fact that I would have no reason to turn on ABC while Lost isn’t airing, you would think the particular internets I frequent would be buzzing with Lost premier news.

For those that must be in the know, io9.com has extremely detailed Lost spoilers here, here, here and here.

2008-01-30-hurley-lostTV Guide’s Michael Ausiello has some updates on the premier and a few minor spoilers. He also says the writer’s strike might be over with an announcement as early as tomorrow.

Is it just me, or have you all enjoyed this break from TV? I started to realize how little I actually enjoyed some of the shows I was watching (Prison Break), and have been able to let them go. I feel like a contrived, poorly planned, monotonous burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

It will be nice to see the writers getting back to work and the watchable shows coming back to the air. I hope the industry reemerges stronger and smarter because of this ordeal.

I wonder what long term effects the strike will have on shows like Lost that already have odd production schedules. Truncated season? 4 mini seasons instead of 3? 4 deaths per episode? Can they resurrect Niki and Paulo and kill them again?

Nostalgia Side Note:

I started Hijinks Ensue last May with the idea of making fun of geek culture, especially TV. Lost was one of the first shows I tackled. Check out those early efforts here, here, and here.