Nuke the Fridge at the 2008 Summer Failympics

I thought a good Triathlon for the Failympics would be a “Shark High Jump,” “Curve The Bullet Skeet Shooting” followed by the “400 m Fridge Nuke.” Maybe I should write a letter to the Failympic Committee.

Not that this comic makes ANY sense at all, I can try to offer some context:

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Of Mice and Musicals

I found out during recording of HijiNKS Ensue Podcast #21 that the legion horde of Whedon Zombies brought down DrHorrible.com with a swiftness. Mmmm, delicious server brains.

I still haven’t seen the first episode of “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog.” The fact that there exists Whedon songs in the universe that aren’t already stuck in my head fills me with unspeakable sadness.  You can still get it on iTunes, but I’m going to wait and watch it on the official site to get the full “DHSAB” experience.

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Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home

Forget Fisher Stevens! They should get Scott Bakula on LOST. He needs to way to repent for his crimes. Actually, they don’t need any Quantum Leap actors since Desmond is basically a Scottish Dr. Sam Beckett. Think about it. When the hatch blew, that was him “stepping into the Quantum Leap Accelerator.” For a while there with Charlie he was striving to “put right what once went wrong.” Instead of “Oh, boy” he says “(oh) brother.” Al is Sam’s “constant” just as Penny is Desmond’s. Ok, wait. I started typing this as a joke. Now I just think they ripped off Quantum Leap.

Also they had a helicopter… that’s just like “Airwolf!” Those bastards. And Walt is “Small Wonder!” It’s all 80’s TV!

  • Locke = Mr. Belvedere
  • Ecko= Mr. T as B.A. Baracus from “The A Team”
  • Jack = some guy from St. “Elsewhere” or possibly Sam from “Cheers”
  • ummmm… premise getting thin… must recover…
  • Hurley = Natalie from “Facts of Life”
  • Oh wait! Ecko and Locke are both Bull from “Nightcourt!” No! Ecko is Mac, Jack is Judge Harry, Sawyer is Dan Fielding, Kate is Christine Sullivan, Rose is Roz (YES! YES!), Rousseau is Selma, the Others are Phil the homeless guy, the smoke monster is Mel Torme (get it? “The Velvet Fog“), and the island is the courthouse which exists out of phase with the rest of the world (because it’s AT NIGHT!!!) IT ALL MAKES SENSE! I HAVE JUST SOLVED LOST!
  • LOST = NIGHT COURT FTW!!!LOLOLeleventy1!11!00!!LOLZ

I think I just had a faneurysm. Did I ust invent that word? Don’t fucking steal it! I’m going to put it on a shirt or something.

Hola, me llamo Manuel Labor

This comic happened because of this IM:

12:39:53 PM Josh: i won a mountain bike
12:40:00 PM Josh: you should come over today and help me put it together
12:40:08 PM Joel: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
12:40:12 PM Joel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
12:40:14 PM Joel: yeah
12:40:14 PM Joel: no
12:40:24 PM Josh: it was worth a shot
12:41:41 PM Joel: i suppose it will be easier to ignore after its put together

That was good. I needed to laugh. It’s cathartic. Cleansing.

Saturday night me, Wife, Josh and Eli went to a Zach Galifianakis show here in Dallas. If you aren’t familiar with Zach “Chad Farthouse” Galifianakis, check out the TubeYous and enjoy. He is a truly fantastic performer. He has sort of an Andy Kaufman quality in that he really doesn’t give a shit if you like him while he’s on stage. Anyone who’s a fan of watching people writhe in an uncomfortable situation will enjoy his comedy. Any one interested should pick up Zach’s new DVD, which is selling like the opposite of hot cakes, and The Comedians of Comedy, which also features Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn and Maria Bamford.

At one point he came out into the audience and accosted Eli (no shit) for being a trendy skater punk. I assume the jeans and beanie were enough to get him labeled as such. Eli froze when Zach put his foot up on Eli’s knee and his balls in Eli’s face. It was a Christmas miracle.

Magical.

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2 Girls, 1 Cup, 6 Senses

I was first “Goatse‘d” back in the year Nineteen hundred and Ninety Nine, followed shortly by a rousing “Tubgirl‘ing.” I was in intensive care for 3 months. Another 18 months of recuperative therapy and I had almost regained my vision and ability to comprehend language. You see, my brain had simply refused to go on. “Game over, man. Game over. I quit,” says my brain. I would have taken a holiday too if I’d been in his shoes.

That was traumatic, but apparently not EXTREME enough for today’s hip internet youth. Now they have to Rickroll each other into watching some sort of girl-on-girl fecal fetish video that reminds me of the soft serve machine at The Golden Coral. What’s wrong with the youth of this internet.

Here’s me as an old man on a porch,

“In my day we showed our friends still pictures… JPEGs of men with gaping anuses. We didn’t have these online moving pictures to torture anyone with. We’d IM somebody with “Hey, check out this hottie,” then we’d send him a link to a picture of a girl in a bath wearing a stocking on her head and geysering a shit fountain into her own face. It was a simpler time.”

As far as memes go, 2 girls 1 cup is a great way to close out 2007. Let’s go ahead and put a moritorium on memes for the rest of the year. Let’s ride this one out into January, then get back together as a group and decide if we want any more. The same process that brought us Laugh Out Loud Felines, has also caused me to know what it looks like when women that have been eating shit throw up on each other. That’s unacceptable, internet. You should know better.

I guess the guy that “directed it” is in trouble. All I know is Jacky needs to talk to somebody.

Also, “2 girls, 1 cup” sounds like a great name for a lesbian coffee shop.