Computer, Activate the EHB

I’m almost always oblivious to the fact that everyone didn’t grow up as engrossed in Star Trek as I did. I have to stop myself from making obscure TNG, Voyager and DS:9 references dozens of times a day.

“Oh man! You just got owned! Chaka, when the walls fell! Oh Snap!”

See? That’s a great burn, but no one knows what I’m talking about.

“That fuckshit just cut me off! What’s he trying to do? Execute the Picard Maneuver?!

No one gets me.

Anywho, that’s why I have such mixed feeling about CNN’s new “hologram” technology that they showcased during the election results coverage. It’s like they want us to believe they’ve traveled into the future, stolen advanced technology and brought it back to impress us. The visual trickery they are employing is closer to bullet time than holograms, anyway. They are basically using a mix of green screen, bullet time and camera syncing to achieve the illusion of a hologram. The person interviewing the photonic being can’t actually SEE them at all. Therefore this is balls and no one should pay attention to it.

I’m glad to see that I wasn’t the only one that noticed that Anderson Cooper doesn’t know his “Trek” from his “Wars”. When Chief “Lady Lumps” Correspondant, Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas, referred to the hologram effect as “being just like Star Wars,” Cooper followed up with “yes, it’s just like Star Trek. We’ve beamed you in.” To which Mr. I.Am responded, “No, I mean…(must correct SciFi Faux Pa. No, Will.I.Am, there will be another time, pick your battles wisely).”

Can I coin the term SciFaux?

All We Wanna Do Is Eat Your Brains

I hope Eli washed that bowl beforehand.

Heroes season 3 premiered this week. I don’t even know where to begin. Season 1 showed so much promise. Season 2 swerved directly into oncoming traffic, collided with a bus full of legless orphaned nuns, each holding a kitten and exploded into a fireball of fail that could be seen from space. Despite that I was hopeful. I blamed the mediocrity on the writer’s strike. Now I’m convinced the writers were striking to PREVENT future episodes of Heroes.

I said before that most elements of Heroes are directly lifted from the X-Men franchise, and that creator Tim Kring exists only to make soft cuddly puppies cheat on their spouses, but the heights of plagerism reached in the first two episodes of Heroes season 3 were nearly immeasurable.

  • Within the first 2 min the plot becomes “Days of Future Past” (thanks BB), right down to the assasination attempt on a senator, the future traveler that must stop the apocalypse, hell I think Wolverine was in this episode
  • One of the new villains basically has Bishop’s power
  • One of the new villains IS MAGNETO! A guy that controls magnetism called “The German“? Are you just fucking with us now? Is there a guy that shoots lasers out of his eyes called “Pussy Scott”?
  • And, despite this not being an X-Men ripoff, Mohinder starred in what was basically a condensed shot for shot remake of Jeff Goldblum’s “The Fly.” God, I could break it down into further analysis but what’s the point. Go rent “The Fly” and then watch that sequence with “Mohinder-Fly.” Do they think scifi fans are going to be impressed that they just lift ideas from movies and TV we already know?

And the writing. Sweet shit in a bisquit was it terrible. Josh has been telling me this since season 2, but I didn’t listen. He’s almost always wrong about everything! How am I supposed to gauge when he’s right? regardless I’m going to keep watching… because it’s my job. There, I said it.

Spore DRaMa

Turns out gamers don’t like it when games, like Spore, give their computers digital herpes. I know a big part of the overwhelmingly negative reviews on Amazon are driven by “metooism” amoung young gamers that just want something to bitch about, but haven’t publishers already learned their lesson about DRM? The inevitable negative feedback will certainly harm sales more than piracy. At one point Amazon deleted all the reviews, then restored them. Undaunted, EA plans to continue their “we hate our customers” strategy well into the future.

If you are new to HijiNKS Ensue, you might not know about the HE Podcast. Check it out. In the most recent episode (Episode 28 which is probably not uploaded as of this writing but will be shortly) you can learn Josh’s thoughts on Spore’s DRM, find out what the HE crew thought of “Fringe,” learn exactly how hard Eli’s parents party and oh so very VERY much more.

If you are subscribed to the Podcast RSS feed or the Main RSS feed, please update your RSS readers. I moved them over to the Google side of Feedburner to give me more control over them. The updated links are in the sidebar.

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With So Much Drama In The LHC

Alternate title: You Down With LHC?

Post coming later today (assuming the universe is still here).

I’ve been planning an LHC (yeah, you know me) comic for about a month and today seemed like the best time to pull the trigger. Acting under the assumption that there this is still an “is” and the Swiss have failed at their attempt to explode every molecule in our bodies at the speed of light, I’ll go ahead and breath a cautious sigh of relief. I’m all for science. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just more for… being and such.

I have a relative that worked on the Superconducting Super Collider here in TX before the project was shut down and the miles of underground tunnels were converted to miles of ABANDONED underground tunnels. I used to hope that they would get it up in running and I would be able to sneak on on “Family Day” or something and use the machine to shoot a peanut butter sandwich through an orangutan. Seems like they would have an ample supply of both.

I’ve been collecting Large Hadron Collider related links for a few weeks in hopes of making some sense out of any of these “Big Un-Bang” claims that have been floating around the tubertrons. In the end, the only thing that was clear was that “Goatsengularity” is the reason I was put on earth. I have enriched the world and touched each of your lives and now I can return to my stasis pod and sleep for 1000 years or until I am needed again.

A few FB’s made their peace with the world on the eve of it’s destruction.

Here’s the links I mentioned:

Super-Herois A Liga Da Injustica

…as it is known in Brazil.

There is no way to make fun of “Disaster Movie” that wouldn’t debase both you and me, so I’m not even going to try. The internets have already labeled it as a reverse afterbirth in slow motion, so what else can I say? I will point out that IMDB users have voted it the “Worst Movie of All Time.” This is a serious allegation, because these people have probably also seen “Manos: The Hands of Fate.”


0% on Rotten Tomatoes

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