JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Comic By Kris Wilson Of Cyanide And Happiness

JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Comic Fortnight makes a detour to drop off a nondescript duffle bag at an unmarked port with this comic from Kris Wilson of Cyanide And Happiness. Kris did a guest “Cy-Jinks” comic for the last JoCo cruise. In the blog post for that comic I mentioned that Kris and his CnH cohorts (one of whom, Rob, is on the boat with me right now, and pictured above in shape-figure form) were in talks with Comedy Central to produce an animated show on the actual TV. I the last 12 months THINGS HAVE CHANGED. They walked away from the deal in favor of producing an animated series (and much more) on their own. This is super exciting, not only because my friends are going to get to make a show on their own terms, and I’m going to be contributing in some capacity (more on that later) but also because of what it means for independent content creators and what is now possible in terms of dealing directly with your audience sans middleman. I won’t be able to update while I’m on the boat, but If you follow Kris on Twitter I bet he’ll give you a link to their Kickstarter this week, maybe early next week. Fun, exciting times are ahead!

I made a bunch of shirts and put them on the internet for to you buy. Wil Wheaton helped.

Kris was here in Dallas all last week and we had a good old fashioned sleep over. We giggled about girls, watched scary movies and ate too much junk food. Which is to say we wrote a bunch of comedy for internet-TV-type-shows and made some comics. Kris is that person for me that completely unclogs my creative tap. He’s a plumber for my stopped up mental drain. He’s the toilet snake for my haha comedy pipes. He’s the metaphor to my some other thing whatever. If even half of what we’ve been talking about sees the light of day in the coming year, you’re REALLY going to enjoy it.

So today would be day four of the cruise. I’m guessing the barnacle related death toll is somewhere near an even dozen. I’d also expect that we will have accidentally left somewhere around 1/4 to 1/3 of the passengers on various tropical islands totally by accident. Those of us who are left pretty much have free reign of the boat. It’s my turn to drive today! I should be a very good cruise ship driver because of that time I road the flume ride at Six Flags. Just raise your hands and scream, right! Don’t forget to flip off the camera when you pass it. Oh, man what a good joke. [SPOILERS: I crashed us into a whale. Half of the remaining passengers fell directly into the great beast’s sea-mouth and were swallowed whole. A group of individuals led by one of our Somali pirate line cooks has taken a life boat out to try and reach an armistice with the whale. DOUBLE SPOILERS: They sailed directly into its mouth as well. There are 60, maybe 70 people left on this boat and NONE of them know how to make room service. Things are getting dire and late-night club sandwiches are going UNMADE AND UNEATEN!]

COMMENTERS: What was I talking about? No idea. Ok, give me your best/worst vacation stories. Bonus points of there were shenanigans involved.

JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Comic By David Willis Of Dumbing Of Age

JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Fortnight saunters onward with this melancholy offering from David Willis, creator of Shortpacked!, Dumbing Of Age and a comic he made a decade or more ago and is somehow convincing people to read all over again just to get perspective on the backstories of his current comics. I know your game, Willis, and… it’s genius. Starting next month in addition to HijiNKS ENSUE, you’ll be able to read HijiNKS High School: The Flannel Years. Of course none of it will make sense unless you read my OTHER comic Little HijiNKS Babies. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the “content” as much as I enjoy “your page views” and the resulting “ad revenue.” GOD DAMN YOU WILLIS YOU MAD GENIUS!!!

I made a bunch of shirts and put them on the internet for to you buy. Wil Wheaton helped.

David and his wife Maggie (the lady in the comic above) were on the last JoCo Cruise with us. It was one of the best weeks of my entire life, thanks in no small part to the company of those two. The fact that they aren’t coming this time around (DAVID, WHY ARE YOU TRICKING PEOPLE INTO READING THREE BULLSHIT COMICS IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO BUY YOURSELF LAVISH VACATIONS?!?!?!) is going to increase the number of rum punches I must ingest each day in order to have fun. When they were with us, I only needed 5 or 6 rums punched. I’m expecting that number to increase exponentially as I continue to realize they will not be miraculously showing up on the boat halfway through the week. In my mind there’s a low rumble, the ship starts to shake, we run to the bow to see what’s going on and there, on the helipad lands Astrotrain. David and Maggie hop out, deliver a well timed “PSYCHE!” accompanied with pistol fingers. We all laugh and take turns dunking each other in the rum punch filled hot tub. Well, at least David and I do. I have no idea what our wives are doing. Scissoring, one would suspect. Who cares? DAVID, I MISS YOU!!!

By the time you read this it will be Tuesday, day three of the cruise. I expect most of my blood will have been replaced with alcoholic sea water by this point (a VERY EXPENSIVE spa treatment you can only order off the secret menu). I think we’ll be on an island this day, which means I can make a sand David to cradle and love and have gritty, seaweedy makeouts with.

On a side note, the comic above is one of the funniest god damn things I have ever read. It almost makes me feel not too bad about recently learning that I am not, in fact, a real person who is NOT a block of splintery wood. There are SO MANY LEVELS. A lot of it is just for me, but there are at least 4 levels that you should be able to enjoy. The title alone is at least 2 kinds of double secret meta. Thank you for this deftly crafted (though I’m sure it took you maybe 30 minutes… CURSE YOUR STUPID FINGER SPEED!) love letter. I promise I will EAGLE you when I see you in Seattle in a few weeks.


COMMENTERS: Do you have any stories about VACATION BROS? People you only see when you’re both out of your natural element? Do they enhance the experience or do you dread seeing them? This is sort of how it is with traveling to conventions all year. Since every time I see my cartoonist friends, we are typically not in our home city it’s sort of like a frequent, weekend long summer camp. I’m sharing a hotel with David in Seattle soon. I’m going to skip the “hand in the warm water” prank and just pee on his lap while he’s sleeping.

JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Comic By Angela Melick Of Wasted Talent

JoCo Cruise Crazy 3 Guest Fortnight is upon you!
That’s right, two weeks of guest comics by some of my best friends and favorite artists. Week one, being this week, being the week that I’m actually on a high seas mechanical roving self contained party island (or B.O.A.T) will consist of four comics that sort of by accident tell a story. Its weird how it all worked out. Week two will be a “theme week” consisting of three artists giving their perspective on the same… well, theme (a certain Fox TV shows certain misappropriation of a certain bearded troubadour’s certain cover of a certain song about butts). After that we’ll have TWO MORE GUEST COMICS not even about cruises at all just to ease you back into laughing at picture+word combinations that are not about boats, oceans, rum punch or constantly blasting reggae music. I’ve seen all of the comics and I highly endorse each and every one. This is not a “check out for two weeks, then come back when the J.J. Abrams comics return” situation. You are going to LOVE these comics.

I made a bunch of shirts and put them on the internet for to you buy. Wil Wheaton helped.

We start the Guest Fortnight with one of my favorite artists and convention cohorts, Angela Melick. Angela is an engineer and does a wonderfully hilarious auto-bio comic called Wasted Talent. Take a look at that comic up there and you can the engineer’s mind at work. SO MUCH DETAIL. There are gags upon gags. Plus WHERE CAN I GET THAT CATAPULT-CANNON FEZ?!?!? This is also the very first time in HEstory that my wife, Emily, has been portrayed in the comic.

Since I’ll be writing all of these posts in the past, I can only assume what I’m doing right now (now being Monday, and the past being the previous Saturday). Hmm… we will have been on the water for a whole day by the time this post appears. Let’s assume Somali pirates have commandeered the buffet, but (joke’s on us) they’re FANTASTIC cooks. I’m probably not brushing my teeth with rum punch yet, but the week is still early.

COMMENTERS: You can see above that we’re bringing ukuleles and custom fezzes on our trip. What are your non-standard essential travel items? 

Get Off My Lido Deck!

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt! Wiblum Wablum Tempus Wempus!

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

MAN, it feels good to be drawing comics again. After a week of guest comics, and two weeks of Fancy Photo Comics I am pleased to be back putting pen to pixels. Still, I thought it best to transition from thinking about NOTHING BUT JoCo Cruise Crazy for the last month with a cruise-related comic.

The old people on the cruise (Snorks, as we called them) seemed to be on vacation solely to have different shit to complain about. They said some truly and remarkably horrible things. Many of them racist. Most of the dialog above is a direct Snork quote with slight to extreme embellishments. Honestly I don’t really remember which Snorkisms were real and which we made up any more. By the end of the week we were hearing a bunch of heinous and terrible stuff as well as coming up with a bunch of heinous and terrible stuff. It’s all sort of blurred together. Or rather blended in a tall frosty glass with a pretty paper umbrella, a wedge of pineapple and not an ounce of regret.

After a week of listening the elderly spend thousands of dollars to be upset, we sort of came to a collective conclusion. Being old is just shitty. Life, after a certain point, is complete shit and just gets shittier every single day until you die. Being awake hurts. Getting dressed hurts. Taking a crap hurts. Taking a shower is a near impossibility, hurts, and you are likely to die while doing it. This is why the extremely old get so upset about minor problems. If the one thing in your entire shitty life that is going to provide you a glimmer of happiness for 5 minutes (say, a blueberry muffin with breakfast) isn’t perfect, or isn’t available, then you pretty much have no reason not to eat a bullet right then and there. Guys, can we all agree to check out around 75? Or can we at least focus all of our medical technology and resources on developing a system of tests that tells you, within a month or so, that EVERY SINGLE DAY from a certain point onward is going to be shittier than the day before it? Then we would at least be able to make informed decisions.

Super special thanks to Wil and Atom for (from what I can remember, at least) writing half of this comic. I will leave you with a few other all too true Snorkisms:

“I took pictures when this [buffet tray] was empty! And when this one was empty, AND this one! They don’t got their SHIT together!”

“I really like this theater better before you changed it. Why did you change it?”
“I didn’t personally change it sir, so I’m not sure.”
“Well I liked it better. You shouldn’t have changed it.”

“They [the staff] tell you one thing when they really mean the other! You gotta take whatever they say AND DO THE OPPOSITE!”

“You gotta tell him [the drink waiter] that your gonna have to talk to his manager! It’s the only way they’ll listen!”

COMMENTERS: What’s the damndest thing you ever heard an elderly person say, shout, demand or otherwise enOLDen on some unsuspecting bystander? Were you on the JoCo Cruise or any other cruise? Do you have any Snorkisms of your own?

JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 Fancy Photo Comic BONUS!


funny scifi parody t-shirt newt 2012 newt for president t-shirt aliens ripley scifi parody

OK, NOW I’m actually done with the JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 photo comics. I’ve had a ton of fun reliving that amazing week through the medium of sequentialized funny time panels, but I’m anxious to get back to drawing dudes talking about TV. EXCITING! This comic in particular was really a blast to create since I went into it with absolutely ZERO ideas of what it was going to be about. I just started placing photos and loose narrative started to form around them. Consider this an incredibly complex Rorschach test that reveals my latent abandonment issues with women, trust issues with my wife, fear of the water and intense frugality [none of those are true except for the last one, which is true enough for all of them].

Swimming with dolphins was a singular experience. It was INCREDIBLY expensive and certainly not something I would rush to do again, but it was definitely worth it, and I have no regrets concerning my ocean mammal frolicking experience. I hesitate to even describe it, since it’s one of those experiences you kind of have to… experience before the explanation takes on any greater meaning than, “WE WERE TOTALLY SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS, BRO! IT WAS HELLA DOLPHINS ALL OVER THE PLACE!” We (6 people) swam with them (6 dolphins) for about an hour separated from the open ocean only by a manmade rock reef. The dolphins themselves were equal parts intimidating and childlike, but the overall situation was exhilarating. I think I understand Aquaman a little better. He’s still the worst super hero, but I get where he’s coming from.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever had an unusual animal experience or an experience with an unusual animal?