Superman II: The Quest For an Unlocked iPhone

What is up with the tardiness? The last several days I’ve been hard at work on the Super Secret Project(TM). Enough with the waiting, here it is: Apple Insider Comics. A.I. approached me about doing a comic series for them after reading my iPhone Rebate comic. Have a look and drop me a line with your feedback. This should be fun.

I hope you enjoyed today’s comic. This one is a thinker. What does Steve Jobs or the iPhone have to do with Superman II? It’s a riddle. I’ll give you a clue. The answer is hidden somewhere in the comic. Here’s another clue. They don’t have anything to do with each other and the comic doesnt make any sense. In actuality, I was talking to Mikey about Terrance Stamp last weekend and as I drifted off instead of listening to him, I came up with this comic.


I wonder what Steve’s name is in this one. Steve-El? Jor-Obs? I guess the silken thread connecting all these unrelated concepts was that Steve said, “Go ahead! h4X0rz the shit out of the iPhone!” Then, later, he redacted that statement with, “OH NOZ! Do not h4X0rZ teh iPwn3!!! They R tryz 2 steal mah buckit!!!”

Seriously, I’m just putting LOLCATS references in everything I do from now on.

“Mr. Watson, the charges against you are very serious. How do you plead?”

“Your Honor, Teh gluvs do not fit! I CAN HAZ AQUIT?”

That’s exactly how I am rolling from now on.

I will conclude with this brief tale of woe. I call it, “The Worst Illegal File Sharing Scenario Ever.”

I was working on this comic and realized I needed to see the opening scene of Superman II to get the look right. I IM’d Josh and he had it, but only on HD-DVD. So my brilliant idea is to have us both open iChat and have him point his Macbook Pro at the screen. Admittedly, that is a retarded idea but it gets worse. Josh’s new apartment doesn’t have internet yet, so he is leeching WiFi from his neighbor’s signal… which only works in his bathroom. He’s been interneting on the toilet for a week. So he tried to record it with iMovie and email it to me, but iMovie freaked out. Then he pulls out his point and shoot camera and records the first 5 minutes of Superman II to SD card and transfers the AVI to me over IM. Then we invented the vulcanization process making the wide spread use of rubber possible and practical! Seriously, this was dark ages shit we were attempting. I’m surprised there wasn’t a Dictaphone involved.

The $100 iPhone Rebate’s on the Dresser, Chocolate

Uncle Steve is a stone cold pimp. Sure, you’re used to seeing him in black turtle necks and bluejeans, but I assure you his weekend attire consists of a purple and green suede suit, alligator boots (with the pointy toes), a cane with a giant diamond for a handle and a feather in his pimp hat. Imagine Archishop Don “Magic” Juan but whiter and a billionaire.

If he’s “Daddy,” then who’s turning the tricks? You are. I am. Josh certainly is. As I mentioned before, Josh was a day one iPhone adopter (when you can’t conceive, adoption is an honorable alternative). So for being a well behaved be-itch, Daddy will give him a $100 gift card. I hope he uses it to buy cancer.

Now that the price us $200 tastier, I am expecting Santa to leave a pair of iPhones under the tree this year for the wife and I. In return I will leave him a bottle of bourbon and assorted asian and shaving themed pornographies.

This is the plan assuming the 3g 16gb iPhone rumor turns out to be bunk. Either way, I know that as soon as I activate mine Steve will announce a new one with GPS, DVR, video conferencing, no contract, and the ability to grant 3 wishes all for $60. Two months later he’ll drop it to $40, add 2 extra wishes and a 3-way feature (and I don’t mean “calling”).

I think that’s why they call it the Jesus Phone.

Josh camped out for an iPhone on Friday, knowing good and well Uncle Steve was flooding the stores with multiple millions of them at launch. That’s like camping out for the Unrated Director’s Cut of Norbit. Trust me, there’s going to be one left when you get there.

I haven’t procured the device in question yet, but I have been able to play with one for about 30 minutes. It was extraordinarily difficult to put down. It BEGS to be touched. Remember when Buffy first took hold of the scythe? Yeah, it was a lot like that. I KNEW it was mine. I was instinctively able to wield it.

And just to be clear, they do call it the Jesus phone.