First World Problems

<sarcasm>My heart really goes out to everyone who bought a brand new magical internet computer phone and isn’t 100% satisfied with their purchase. Sometimes life just takes a shit right on your face, doesn’t it?. It’s like you’re a helpless little seagull and the universe is just this unfathomable geyser of foul, viscous sludge that’s constantly spilling hundreds of thousands of barrels of hate-pudding into your home each and every day for months on end… ya’ know… because of the bars… on your phone… and how there aren’t enough of them when you hold said phone a certain way.

“CURSE YOU GOD!” And right to curse him you are, gentle consumer. For it isn’t enough to simply have the sum total of all human knowledge instantly accessible from a device that fits in your shirt pocket. Nay! That device must also be flawless in it’s aesthetics as well as it’s every function! To suffer anything less would be like being forced to skip a meal… or two meals… or go for some greater period of time without food of any kind… or potable water… or being made to live in constant fear of the rape gangs and drug lords that steal children in the night. It’s just like that.</sarcasm>

All silliness aside, Apple knew about the antenna problems WELL before the iPhone 4 launch. The only evidence you need is the Bumpers. Apple has never released an Apple sanctioned case for ANY Apple portable device since the inception of the iPod. In fact, Papa Steve has always taken a staunch, “Cases? We don’t need no stinkin’ cases,” approach to the issue. In fact again, the one and only time Apple came close to offering a case was when they started shipping 5G iPods and 1G Nanos with a simple stitched slip cover to appease the 1000’s of customers (including me) reporting all-t00-easily-scratched screens.

So OF COURSE they knew about the problem. They had enough time to design and manufacture the Bumpers, and hope to high hell that more people bought them than not. I guess that plan failed. So what are they going to announce today? My guess is that a full on recall would ruin their profits for this quarter/year. I bet they offer free bumpers too all iPhone 4 customers. They F’ed up, they got caught and they need to make it right. Though I really have to give Steve props for the “you’re holding it wrong” line. That took some brushed aluminum balls.

Comic-Con 2010COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON!
I will be in the Webcomics Pavillion (handy/shittily made map) at the Topatoco booth (#1231) with many of your other favorite internet-style cartoonists.

FB’s JustChristine and JonnyAce wants to organize a meetup for sometime during the con. Thursday night I will be at W00tstock. If you are interested make a comment. If enough people are interested we can make an event on the Fancy Bastards Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter for minute to minute updates as to what’s going on while I’m at Comic-Con.

Help a brother out…
Money is VERY tight at the HijiNKS household right now so if you want to support HE and see it continue for hundreds of years to come, please MAKE A DONATION or BUY SOMETHING FROM THE STORE.

Thanks!

~Joel

An Uncommon iNfestation

“Quick! Get me a Macbook Air. We must shave him! It is the only way to sap him of his strength!”

Thanks to everyone that watched me draw this comic live on Ustream. Follow me on Twitter if you want to know when the live streams are going to be.

I remember when I bought the very first Macbook Pro (15″ Core Duo) that it had a set of dummy screws on the left side of the chasis that served no purpose other than to duplicate the functional screws on the right side of the machine. You see Uncle Steve strives always to maintain harmony, balance and above all, gadget homeostasis. It warms my various circuits and doodads to know that my personal electronics of choice are architected by an absolute madman.

[Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator T-Shirt @Topatoco!!!
There is also a PRINT of this design too!]

SciFi SyFy Tv-Movie Title Generator Shirt

This ideal is evidenced most by the fact that no one ever even wants the white version of whatever Apple puts out (accept for the Macbook 13″. There seems to be a colon-ton of those things around). I suspect that, per his own special brand of megalomaniacal lunacy, Steve dreamed up the white iPhone 4 only to serve as counterpart the black one. Perhaps to give you a less favorable alternative in order to make your darker choice seem somehow more fulfilling. Choosing one thing OVER another is certainly something more to be proud of than simply taking the only thing that is available. Hell, that’s actually one of the core principals of Mac Fanboyism.

Special Delivery II: The Trackening

Panel 4: Two sections of tree trunk, adorned with spikes and suspended by vines come swinging at the delivery man from both sides compacting most of his parts while oddly enough expanding others.

Keen observers will note that Joel is covered in mud. This is due to the little known fact that Fed Ex only employees delivery drivers with thermographic vision and a cat-like sense of smell.

Some Other Neat Stuff:

  1. Jon Rosenberg has a new comic for nerds called “Scenes From A Multiverse
  2. Lee Unkrich (director of Toy Story 3) linked to my comic on his twitter
  3. There is a new Fancy Bastard Facebook Fan Page

Gadget Envy

Unfortunately Starfleet won’t offer Geordi an upgrade before Stardate 64638.1. He’s also under contract for that visor. They’ve been able to grow new eyeballs in a replicator for years now but he doesn’t want to pay the early termination fee.

Comment Challenge: Take the “iPhone=Tricorder” (our tech=Starfleet Tech) and run with it. Do they get shitty Tricorder reception near the Romulan Neutral Zone? Are Geordi and Data on a family plan? Does Captain Picard have to get Wesley to sync all his contacts to his console and his mobile?

Did you know it was Captain Picard Day? This comic (and the next one from what I understand) are oddly appropriate. I suggest you celebrate by playing your Ressikin flute and drinking some tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

UNRELATED, BUT: Did I call this, or what?

SciFi SyFy Tv-Movie Title Generator Shirt

Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator T-Shirt @Topatoco!!!

There is also a PRINT of this design too!

Guest Comic By Straight Face Comics

C2E2 in Chicago kicked my ass (and my throat) a bit more than I expected, so please accept as your daily dose of comic’d geekery this offering from Matt and Donald of Straight Face Comics. I’ll be writing more about C2E2 and Chicago in the blog later today so check back to see how the weekend went [spoilers: it was super fun times].

Dallas SciFi Expo

The Dallas Scifi Expo is this weekend. I will be sharing a table with Randy from Something*Positive so put on your Storm Trooper helmet and come say hi. I have on good authority a man called Jayne is going to be there.


Don’t Forget! [Edward shirts now at Topatoco!]