2 Girls, 1 Cup, 6 Senses

I was first “Goatse‘d” back in the year Nineteen hundred and Ninety Nine, followed shortly by a rousing “Tubgirl‘ing.” I was in intensive care for 3 months. Another 18 months of recuperative therapy and I had almost regained my vision and ability to comprehend language. You see, my brain had simply refused to go on. “Game over, man. Game over. I quit,” says my brain. I would have taken a holiday too if I’d been in his shoes.

That was traumatic, but apparently not EXTREME enough for today’s hip internet youth. Now they have to Rickroll each other into watching some sort of girl-on-girl fecal fetish video that reminds me of the soft serve machine at The Golden Coral. What’s wrong with the youth of this internet.

Here’s me as an old man on a porch,

“In my day we showed our friends still pictures… JPEGs of men with gaping anuses. We didn’t have these online moving pictures to torture anyone with. We’d IM somebody with “Hey, check out this hottie,” then we’d send him a link to a picture of a girl in a bath wearing a stocking on her head and geysering a shit fountain into her own face. It was a simpler time.”

As far as memes go, 2 girls 1 cup is a great way to close out 2007. Let’s go ahead and put a moritorium on memes for the rest of the year. Let’s ride this one out into January, then get back together as a group and decide if we want any more. The same process that brought us Laugh Out Loud Felines, has also caused me to know what it looks like when women that have been eating shit throw up on each other. That’s unacceptable, internet. You should know better.

I guess the guy that “directed it” is in trouble. All I know is Jacky needs to talk to somebody.

Also, “2 girls, 1 cup” sounds like a great name for a lesbian coffee shop.

Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people’s medicine for fuel

Remember back when the Simpsons was funny? If you weren’t around in 1996, then you don’t. Supposing you were, remember the episode where Smithers goes on a gay cruise and Homer takes over as Mr. Burns’ assistant, then he punches Mr. Burns and Burns decides to take care of business for himself? Remember how funny it was to see someone so blinded by their own wealth and status that they had completely missed the world changing around them? He was disconnected and irrelevant, almost incapable of functioning in the modern world. Remember how that wasn’t funny at all because it was totally true and just happened for real?


Doug Morris is the Chairmen and CEO of Universal Music Group, the largest record company in the world. It’s safe to say that he has more than a persuasive voice when it comes to how music is distributed, and how artists are treated. According to an article in December’s WIRED magazine, Morris doesn’t know shit from shinola when it comes to the interborgz, and iPodz, and digical musics and such.

He seems to view the internet and digital distribution as something to be feared with ones eyes averted, much like a 17th century farmer faced with some sort of vengeful hoofed Goat-God. The interview reminds me of Ted Stevens when he told a room full of the most powerful people in the nation that the internet was a series of tubes. At first you’re all, “Awwwww, Grampa doesn’t understand the internet.” Then you’re all, “Holy Shit! “Grampa Tubes” is IN CHARGE of the internet!? OMGWTFINTERNET!?”

Joco had some thoughts about the story from a troubadour’s perspective. He also posted some choice quotes from the article which I will now repost (but you should still go read them on his site and buy some of his songs.)

“There’s no one in the record industry that’s a technologist,” Morris explains. “That’s a misconception writers make all the time, that the record industry missed this. They didn’t. They just didn’t know what to do. It’s like if you were suddenly asked to operate on your dog to remove his kidney. What would you do?”

Personally, I would hire a vet. But to Morris, even that wasn’t an option. “We didn’t know who to hire,” he says, becoming more agitated. “I wouldn’t be able to recognize a good technology person — anyone with a good bullshit story would have gotten past me.”

It’s not really fair to poke fun I suppose. Our kids will laugh when we’re 60 and we don’t know which button turns on the garbage disposal and which one vents plasma from the starboard nacelles.

Jonathan Coulton in Dallas Wednesday 9/19/07

Jonathan Coulton is a personal hero. He’s just some guy from NYC that writes funny songs and distributes them over the internet. Over the last couple of years he’s turned his music into his full time job. He is completely supported by me and you and everyone else that enjoys his music. You’ve probably heard his folky acoustic cover of “Baby Got Back,” or maybe you were lucky enough to see him perform at this year’s PAX.

His rise to internet fame stems from the close connection he keeps with his fans through his website. Email him. I dare you. He’ll respond. He helped me with the code for Corn Mo’s music store just because I asked him how he’d made his own. What a guy!

Jonathan Coulton

Does this qualify as fan art?

Probably not because I don’t think the person that drew it ever actually saw the comic. Here’s the deal: I made a comic that illustrated what Wikipedia means to me (link to hi-res version). A nice person called DPDarkPrimus posted a link to it on a scifi forum.

Another nice person called Dalton replied:

Nothing makes my day more than a dude dressed up as George Washington, riding a velociraptor and wielding Lion-O’s sword, while a giant robot battles a tank in the background.

A fantasical badass called havokeff did an interpretation of the comic that looked like this:

(click for fullsize)

Wikipedia Comic Forum Sketch Thumb

That is the greatest thing I have ever seen. It puts my original to shame. If you know havokeff, please extend my heartfelt thanks for making my day.

Seriously, Internet, WTF?!

Search Stats 8/23/07

There’s depravity, and then there’s this. What could you possibly hope to find with that search other than shame? (I’m talking about the dinosaur one, not Hermione. That’s wholesome family fun)