A Dramatic Recreation

IS THIS COMIC SUPER-CONFUSING? READ THESE ARTICLES 1st THEN COME BACK FOR LAUGH-TIMES:

NEW LoFiJINKS Podcast!!! [here] and If you want to support HE, please READ THIS.

Poor Mel Gibson. The media has really blown his rampant Jew-hating, misogyny, n-word using (they run in packs now?) and general horribleness out of proportion. Give him a break. He’s only human. A despicable, racist, hate-filled human.

I hope you (those of you in the US) exercised your right to make explosions for freedom yesterday. My wife and I took our 3 year old daughter out into the sticks and left her there with nothing but a hatchet and a compass. If she finds her way home she will get her medicine name and be recognized at the tribal council. Wait. No. We took her out there to explode things because that’s what George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and the other one would have wanted (there were 3 founding fathers right?).

Saturday night was our first attempt at explosiberty, which was thwarted (I shit you not) by a stray cow in the road which attracted a cop. The cop, in the midst of all her shooing and “YAH! GET!”ing of the wayward bovine, noticed us and informed us that though there were 400 fireworks stands along the highway there was ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE within 100 miles that we could utilize them for their intended purpose. We then drove a few miles down a darker, scarier more “dueling banjos” type of road and sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” while our daughter made air circles with sparklers.

Sunday night we met a friend and his daughter and went to our town’s fireworks display shindig by the lake. The airborne explosives were as majestic as the cover band playing that night was awful (they were majestically awful).

Special thanks to Fancy Bastard @Hermetic for suggesting the name of Eli’s firework.

Update: Mel Gibson Admits to Hitting Ex on Tape

Cliff Danglers

The hobo baby’s name is Boxcar Chester A. Arthur. Hobaby? Babo?

UDPATE: Yes, I know “Dr. Who” predates “Bill & Ted” by decades… that’s part of why I find the comparison amusing. #iloveexplainingthejoke

This is why I don’t do continuity. Because if there were stories in HE they would all go like this comic. Also I would never EVER tie up the loose ends. It would be like LOST but with fewer cast members and shorter hiatuses.

I spent 3 days trying to come up with something special for this comic since, not only was it the final comic of 2009, and the final comic of the decade but it was also the final comic of what will eventually be HE Book 2. I’m going to post the alternate ideas for the “HE season finale” in The Vault for those of you who have donated and have access.

We really shouldn’t be worried about how many times our little blue dirt ball rockets towards oblivion around an unfathomably large self sustaining explosion. One time? Ten Times? It doesn’t really matter when you consider that somewhere in the universe entire galaxies are colliding with each other. Now that’s a reason to reflect and reminisce. “Remember when we had a galaxy? Man, those were good times.”

Feel free to post your favorite/least favorite geek moments (TV, Movies, Your Own Life, Etc) of the last year or decade in the comments.

Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine

hijinks-ensue-edward-shirt-160There is an entire narrative in my head where Ralphie’s dad comes in during the middle as Gny. Sgt. Hartman berating him while wielding a shard of leg lamp and a can of Simonize, then catches a fatal BB to the gut. Can’t wait for tomorrow when at least one cable channel will be running A Christmas Story back to back for 24 hours. I usually just set the station in the morning and let it run throughout the festivities like so many unleashed Bumpus hounds.

This will be the last comic for the week, but there will be at least a couple more before the end of the year. Here’s hoping Santa brings each of you the firearm of your heart’s desire and not a stupid football.

FA-RA-RA-RA-RAH  RA RA RA RAAAAAAH!


The Special Sauce

I just can’t seem to remember to cancel my Black Friday sale in the HE Store. I sure hope no one is in the mood for savings, because they could really take advantage of my forgetfulness. If someone wanted to know more about the fantastic savings or the new products (including the first ever HE Button Pack!) I suppose they could click HERE.

If you celebrated Thanksgravy this year I hope it was both gluttonous and slothful. Mind was both as is evidenced by my massive hangover. Well, I’m not sure if you call it a hangover when you’re talking about pie but you get my drift. Conventional wisdom would say you can avoid pain the next morning my alternating pumpkin and chocolate pecan pie every half hour. My experiments prove this to be false and delicious.

The more I learn about Hobo Thanksgiving traditions the more fascinated and repulsed I am. I mean I am literally dry heaving with Hobo holiday knowledge and cheer. Did you know the King of the Hobos pardons one “gravy rat” each year? It’s really just a symbolic thing  because as soon as the rat escapes seven or 40 hoboes pounce on it with rusted cutlery that once belonged to a Denny’s. They are a proud and majestic people. I also learned that you can make Hobo Rat Gravy by stuffing a rat into a milk jug, adding equal parts grain alcohol and windshield wiper fluid and fast-aging it near a burning trash can. After a few hours you just add coffee grounds to taste and serve over… well, everything.

You may notice that this comic is going live severely after Thanksgiving. Go ahead. Notice it. I won’t punish you. That’s because I chose to spend the thankful times with those which I am most thankful for: my wife and daughter. Now that we’ve all had enough of each other I can return to those which I am second most thankful for: you guys. You magnificent Fancy Bastards. You may be second in my heart but you will always be first in my something something.

There Are FOUR Jack-O’-Lanterns!

[reddit-me]That look in your eyes says “WTFCOMIC?” but that look in YOUR EYES screams “SERIOUSLYWTFCOMIC?!” Your reaction is understandable. This Halloween comic is really just a love letter from me to other hardcore Star Trek: TNG fans. I actually came up with about 100 even more obscure, 1(ish)-episode characters to use for costume ideas but in the end I settled on The Traveler, Lal and not one but TWO Captain Dathons. Dueling Darmok’s, if you will.

HALLOWEEN CONTEST UPDATE!!!
Almost no one entered the comic recreation contest so I have extended ALL DEADLINES for all 3 contests through the weekend. If you want to enter and win either Borderlands (PC) or Ghostbusters (360) you have until late Sunday night to enter. Winners will be announced Monday. For those that plan on entering the comic recreation contest, FEAST YOUR RIDICULOUS EYEBALLS ON THE CURRENT FRONT RUNNER AND DESPAIR!!!

EXPERIMENT UPDATE!!!
If you enjoy HijiNKS ENSUE at all
, and you want to see it continue, or you support my EXPERIMENT to try and make a living from this comic PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take 60 seconds and fill out this marketing survey [LINK]. It’s 23 multiple choice questions and it shouldn’t take more than a minute. It would really mean a lot to me.

Thanks!

~Joel

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