A Princely Pursuit

the-hijinks-ensue-store-e28094-wizard-pride-t-shirt

I’ve been listening the Harry Potter Audio Books by Jim Dale while drawing for the past few weeks. I just started book 7 today and I’m already sad that I’m nearly done with the series. I can’t recommend this audio book series more. Jim Dale absolutely brings each and every character to life with an individual voice and distinct personality. I don’t want to gush too much about how thoroughly I’ve enjoyed each book so far, but I do have to say a sincere apology to anyone I mocked over the last decade or so for getting too involved in “a children’s book.” I didn’t know, ok? I didn’t understand.

With this new found infatuation with the source material, I am finding myself increasingly distraught with the movies. This is odd considering the movies were my introduction to the franchise and what got me interested in the books. It’s like REALLY enjoying your cousin’s Zeppelin cover band, then hearing the real thing and realizing cousin Randy probably shouldn’t have been playing a banjo with vacuum cleaner attachment.

I know you can’t properly film a 700 page book for budgetary and attention span reasons, but some of the omissions and alterations in the movies are just lazy. Entire characters are distilled to one or two lines of dialog and often attributed to the wrong character. Most of the frustration I felt with the series was actually due to issues the movies would address but then leave hanging. I’m excited to see the adaptation of “The Half-Blood Prince” on the big screen, but now I realize not to expect it to be too faithful to the books. If it’s a good film, I can enjoy it for what it is but I’m not expecting them to cover everything. I actually do anticipate that I’ll be staring puzzled at the screen for most of the movie when key plot elements are glazed over or left out entirely.

Dick Everlasting

Alternate ending:Ancient Spirts of Evil, Transform this decayed form into CHENEY THE EVER-LIVING!!!

[This comic is translated from Dick Cheney’s native language, a mixture of Parseltongue and the dark tongue spoken in Mordor]

Cheney was looking pretty rough at the inauguration on Tuesday. He was on his third baboon heart, and previously had all of his bones replaced with steel recovered from ground zero. With his titanium kidneys and cobalt spleen, he is more machine now than man. Though there are those that believe Cheney isn’t a man at all, rather he’s actually a highly evolved insect that has learned how to use it’s natural camouflage to mimic a human appearance. Personally, I believe that he is ageless. He was birthed of the primordial fires of creation, and roamed the Earth long before any other sentient life. He drove the demons, trolls and orcs deep below… or they banished him to the surface… either way, he is as ancient as he is evil and he is large amounts of both.

I’m guessing Cheney has been assuming different identities throughout history. Who was he? Zeus? Jack the Ripper? Joseph Stalin? Dracula? I bet he was Dracula. Also, feel free to share your ideas for other ways Cheney has kept alive all these years. I would have defaulted to the obvious conclusion that he’s a Cylon, but without the Resurrection Ship, I’m not sure how that would work.

And before you tell me to take it easy on Cheney, or the Bush administration, save it. I’m still high on Obama fumes and I’m not nearly ready to come down.

And a SPECIAL THANK YOU to those Twittering FB’s that unwittingly helped me write this comic with their @’s (justchristine, lonneynerd, bradymikep, bshirley, jaydeflix, and muttonhead104).

Dumbledore is Gay Shirts are here!

Where’s the comic? Why didn’t I have time to make one? Here’s why:

That’s right! The HijiNKS Ensue Store is open for bid-ness. Expect more shirts coming soon. I worked all last week on these designs so the comic had to be put on hold. Not to fret! Comics will be back on Thursday with scary Halloweenish themes! Do me a favor and Digg the store.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that

You muggles make me sick. With all your hang ups about who’s gay and who humps house elves and who gets off to watching people drink unicorn blood while being asphyxiated. Just sick. Where a wizard chooses to stick his wand is his own business.

So what if Dumbledore’s gay? He’s not hurting anyone. Well, he’s dead, so he’s really not doing anything. Also he’s fictional.

Speaking of fiction, there ARE victims associated with this outing. The slash fic writers. You can’t very well craft rich and textural homo erotic slash fiction for a character who’s ACTUALLY gay. How is that naughty? Slash where the only men having new and exciting sexual encounters with other men is only worth reading if the pairing are supposed to be straight. You don’t do Willow/ Tara slash. You do Xander/Spike slash or Giles/Jonathan slash. Or maybe even The Master/Andrew/Giles/Uncle Enyos slash. I would even settle for Joyce/Anthropomorphic Ms. Kitty Fantastico/Rat Amy slash. But NEVER actual gay character slash. Gross. That gives me the heebies and makes me want to call my congressman (who is probably gay).

In retrospect, instead of the Dumbledisco, I should have done a comic about Dumbledore in an airport bathroom and the ensuing press coverage.

Matt Lauer: “But, Headmaster, why did you start tapping your toes under the stall?”
Dumbledore: “It’s really very silly,  Matt. This has all been blown out of proportion. I was going to proposition the young man in the adjacent stall for anonymous gay sex and that seemed like the best way to get his attention. I had written a note on my shoe that said “I want to have sex with you in a gay way” and I wanted him to notice it. Thus the aforementioned tapping.”

Also, if you want to see that last panel as a desktop let me know. If you want to see it as a shirt, then wait a couple of days. Oh, I’m so not kidding.