I bid one dollar, Bob.

All of this and more could be yours, if… the price is right.

This comic is basically factual except that it hasn’t happened yet… or maybe it’s happening right now. I’m not sure, but I’m probably foretelling the future (or at least the present).

Josh is in Chicago this week for Bear Pride. You see, once a year Josh’s people instinctively return to their ancestral homeland of Chicago. Once gathered they begin an ancient ceremonial mating ritual consisting of bar crawls, dancing and alcohol. I suppose there is also plumage involved. At some point he’ll lay his clutch of eggs in the spawning ground, then return home never to see those he mated with again.

I am certain that I’m either talking about Chicago Gays, salmon or rain forest toads. It’s late and things are starting to blur together. Which one has a cloaca?

The unfamiliar face in the first panel is Josh’s friend Perkk (in the blue, not the bouncer in the pink). I told Josh I was doing this comic and asked who should be in it with him. He said it was Perkk‘s birthday, so they honors go to him.

Happy birthday, Perkk, from Josh.

The overall inspiration (and the image of Bob Barker emblazoned on human flesh) came from this Radar Online list of terrible tattoos (specifically this one).

If you want to see something else truly fascinating, I suggest you Google “gayest tattoo ever.” You can stop when you see the “MerMen.” It’s usually the first result. Breathtaking.

If you’re living it up in Chicago this week, I invite you to stalk seek out Josh and show him a good time (not that he needs any help).  In fact, see if you can do anything to lessen his good time. We need him back in as close to one piece as possible.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that

You muggles make me sick. With all your hang ups about who’s gay and who humps house elves and who gets off to watching people drink unicorn blood while being asphyxiated. Just sick. Where a wizard chooses to stick his wand is his own business.

So what if Dumbledore’s gay? He’s not hurting anyone. Well, he’s dead, so he’s really not doing anything. Also he’s fictional.

Speaking of fiction, there ARE victims associated with this outing. The slash fic writers. You can’t very well craft rich and textural homo erotic slash fiction for a character who’s ACTUALLY gay. How is that naughty? Slash where the only men having new and exciting sexual encounters with other men is only worth reading if the pairing are supposed to be straight. You don’t do Willow/ Tara slash. You do Xander/Spike slash or Giles/Jonathan slash. Or maybe even The Master/Andrew/Giles/Uncle Enyos slash. I would even settle for Joyce/Anthropomorphic Ms. Kitty Fantastico/Rat Amy slash. But NEVER actual gay character slash. Gross. That gives me the heebies and makes me want to call my congressman (who is probably gay).

In retrospect, instead of the Dumbledisco, I should have done a comic about Dumbledore in an airport bathroom and the ensuing press coverage.

Matt Lauer: “But, Headmaster, why did you start tapping your toes under the stall?”
Dumbledore: “It’s really very silly,  Matt. This has all been blown out of proportion. I was going to proposition the young man in the adjacent stall for anonymous gay sex and that seemed like the best way to get his attention. I had written a note on my shoe that said “I want to have sex with you in a gay way” and I wanted him to notice it. Thus the aforementioned tapping.”

Also, if you want to see that last panel as a desktop let me know. If you want to see it as a shirt, then wait a couple of days. Oh, I’m so not kidding.