Battleship: The Movie, The Game, The Breakfast Cereal

Ever hungry for new (old) intellectual properties to exploit, Universal is now working on taking classic Hasbro board games like Monopoly and Battleship to the big screen. I only foresee positive outcomes. I want these movies greenlit, and rushed into production so I can enjoy them by X-Mas. In fact, I’m so enthusiastic that I’m pitching my own spin on these movies and a few others to the studios later this month:

Monopoly: Matt Damon is an up and coming real estate executive that uncovers a nefarious plot by his firm to destroy all of their competition. Ends with climactic train, car, top hat chase through the Boardwalk.

Uno – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are rival card sharks in Mexico. A tale of sex, action and intrigue. You can cut the sexual tension between them with a single card.

Connect 4 – A family (2 brothers and 2 sisters) separated at birth must cross the country to reunite after their biological mother’s death. In finding each other they find themselves. Sundance 2008. Fox Searchlight will produce. Stars are Philip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Giamatti, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hillary Swank. Meryl Streep in the mom in a flashback.

Jenga – Gripping, too-real tale of the heroes, heroines and horrors of 9/11 (you were thinking it too).

Risk – Clint Eastwood directs. Its 14 hours long. Donnie Wahlberg and Ron Livingston star.

Guess Who – Ben Afleck has a list of 40 individuals, some with glasses, some with brown hair, only one of them is the killer. Can he “Guess Who” before they strike again?

Speaking of board games: if you are into them and would like to try something new, check out Cheap Ass Games. They are, well, inexpensive games that generally require you to provide the game pieces, dice, etc. from other games you have around the house.

Personal favorites are:

Kill Dr. Lucky – It’s like Clue in reverse. You must find a room and a weapon and murder the good doctor without anyone seeing)

Captain Park’s Imaginary Polar Expedition – You did not go on a fascinating polar expedition, but you must convince the wealthy elite that you did with tails of daring do and false artifacts.

U.S. Patent Number 1 – Build your time machine, outfit it with weaponry then race your rivals to the patent office, not only to be the first to patent the time machine, but also the first to patent ANYTHING!

My friend, Wes, introduced me to Cheap Ass Games about 7 years ago. They are inventive, imaginative and quite funny. Simpler and cheaper than Halo, they offer a pretty good way to spend an afternoon.

Any other ideas for board game movies? Post yours in the comments.

Doki Doki Prog Rock?

Drummer drumming to Super Mario 2 music

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That was awesome.

About a decade ago (in highschool) my friend Justin and I had this idea that we would start a rap group where we spit (hot fire) rhymes over remixed classic video game music. Our names were D. Bugg Mode and ….(help me out, Justin) DJ I-Triple-E 1394? Something like that. For a while I was also Dirty Jesus X. Anyway. It was a fantastic idea and much like every great idea I had in the 90’s, we talked about it for a year and never did shit. Theres not really a point to that story. Just remenesing.Continue reading

I drove someone to attempted murder

From the Giz: Teen Strangles Father with Gamepad Cable

One can only assume the murder weapon was a Wiimote + Nunchuck combo. As soon as I read that I thought of this comic:

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Then everyone had the same thought. A commenter on Gizmodo linked to the aforementioned comic (Hi, Giz readers. Thanks for checking out the comic!), thenĀ  Josh IM’ed me to make sure I knew my part in the almost-slaying.

I guess if this becomes a trend we can assume that Rock Band and all its wires are inherently more dangerous than Guitar Hero III.