Dumbsday Preppers

3 New Shirts at @Sharksplode: Wibbly Wobbly Timey WimeyRival Smugglers and Might Club!

Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Shirt - Doctor Who and MST3k Parody shirts


Alternate Title: Sponge Blob Stretch Pants

Ahhh, Twinkies. Just like mom used to get diabetes from. I’m going to miss them as much as she misses her foot.

COMMENTERS: I’m sure someone will snatch up Hostess before Twinkies even become scarce. Don’t they really only have one major competitor anyway? Still, are there any foods/candies/whatever that you miss that just aren’t made anymore? Remember those lime green custard filled Ninja Turtle pies? They were horrifically awful and I LOVED them. I’m sure that was a Hostess product, now that I think about it.

TWO new HE Podcasts this week! 
Episode 93 and Episode 94 With Voice Actors Yuri Lowenthall and Tara Platt!

If you want to help decide the fate of the next HijiNKS ENSUE JoCo Cruise fundraiser, check out this thread in the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group.

I Will Avenger You. Will You Avenger Me?

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it.

Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already.

Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person.

And thus ends my first mini story arc. I hope you are enjoying the new format so far. It’s been a lot of fun to write, but there have also been several unexpected challenges. I found myself asking questions like, “Wait, should I show them going INTO the theater? Is the setting clear? Can you tell how much time has passed since the last comic?” Simple stuff, but stuff I’ve never had to deal with none the less. I am really enjoying the ability to expand on a joke or a premise from day to day instead of trying to cram it all into one comic or truncate everything I want to say. It feels like the room suddenly got bigger and I have more space to walk around. I am going to do one or two stand alone comics next, then pick up with a new short story line. I suspect that’s how things will go for the time being.

I am going to be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend with Randy Milholland of Something Positive. I will ONLY BE THERE SATURDAY. Randy will be there Saturday and Sunday. You can find us at table 132. I will have books, prints, stickers and sketch cards, but no shirts. Really testing the waters on this one. If you guys come out and make it a good show, I will probably be back next year in full force.

HijinKS ENSUE at Dallas Comic Con 2012

Friday (5/11/12) was the 5 year anniversary of HijiNKS ENSUE. Thanks to all the Fancy Bastards for the kind words and encouragement that have been pouring in via email, comments and twitter over the last week. I couldn’t do this weird, amazing job without you, nor would I want to.

I have and idea for an Avengers themed restaurant. I bet people would really enjoy the experience of dressing up in fancy costumes, getting the shit kicked out of them for a few hours, then being fed Middle Eastern food with questionable ingredients while they bled all over the floor. It’s like Medieval Times but awesome. I am looking for investors, and this is your opportunity to get in on the ground floor. Watch your step, the ground floor is covered in our patrons’ blood.

COMMENTERS: What famous movie scene do you think would make for a great (or terrible) theme restaurant? How about a Beetlejuice restaurant where your shrimp cocktail turns into a hand and tries to kill you? Or a Pulp Fiction restaurant where you get to eat classic American diner food while two hitmen in their underwear try to diffuse a robbery? Can you imagine how much fun it would be to eat under a table with your face on the floor while everyone is screaming and waiving guns around?

I’m At The Pizza Hut. I’m At The Taco Bell.

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy! 

Pizza is a vegetable, pepper spray is a food product, rubber bullets are legumes and tear gas is just really enthusiastic onions.

COMMENTERS: Please find more “healthy” foods and weapons to put a “positive spin” on. Jelly doughnuts are fruit, tacos are salad boats with optional meat and a sniper rifle fired through a can of cheeze-whiz is a your recommended daily dose of dairy.

The Monte Crisco

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon.

I fucking hate Applebees. I hate them so much that I feel like they must already know how much I hate them. Like some Applebees general manager walks past me in a grocery store and gets a shiver down his spine. He thinks it’s a ghost or maybe because we’re on the deli meats aisle, but it’s my hate. My freezing cold burning hate. It’s just the worst restaurant there is. The food, the service, the atmosphere, the food… all just terrible.

One time I ordered a chicken sandwich there and told the waiter I would like it with mustard. He informed me that wasn’t an option. I asked if they had mustard. He replied in the affirmative. I asked if the cook in the back had hands with which to apply the mustard to my sandwich. Again, affirmative. I restated my original request and he told me that the best he could do was to bring me a cup of mustard and a knife. I told him to go ahead and prepare the cup of mustard, pare it with a knife and simply deliver that whole situation to the cook who was preparing my sandwich and inform him of my sauce desires. He made this face like, “I know if I do this, it will be the end of me. If I ask him to put the mustard ON the sandwich… the cook will murder me with his non-mustard-applying-to-sandwiches hands.” He returned 15 minutes later with a sandwich, a cup of mustard and a knife.

I fucking hate Applebees.

And yes, I know the Monte Cristo Sandwich was a Bennigan’s thing, but they’re gone and Applesbees certainly has their fair share of ridiculous carnival food.

COMMENTERS: What restaurant do you hate and why? I don’t mean the place you don’t like to go. I mean the place that you will break up with someone over if they suggest going there. The place you will watch your children go hungry, rather than stepping foot inside. Mine is Applebees. Did I mention that? If not a restaurant, is there a business of any kind that has wronged you so much you’ll never spend a cent there again? VENT!

AC DEATH UPDATE: As some of you know, my AC diedrecently and Texas is going through its worst heat wave in some 40 years. If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode. In the last week you wonderful Fancy Bastards have already donated over $1000 towards the AC repairs. Holy crap! What else can I say? I am humbled by your generosity and kindness.

Gastrological Phenomena

[Posting this a few days late for my friend Mikey Neumann’s birthday, but let’s all pretend it’s still Saturday. Shhh… nobody tell him.]

My friend Mikey and I lived this comic via Twitter a few days ago, so I decided to draw it up as a birthday present to him. You may know him as the writer of games like Borderlands and the Brothers In Arms Series. He also makes a web series on Escaptist called Anthony Saves The World. It’s got time travel and ninja swords. Check it out.

UPDATE [Tues April 19th]: You’re going to be hearing a LOT about this [from me] in the coming weeks, but I will start now by saying that a project I have had in the back of my mind for a couple of years has finally come to fruition. I have launched Sharksplode.com. It is NOT a replacement for The HijiNKS ENSUE Store. It IS a place that I can put up my more niche, inside, “maybe not for everyone, but definitely for super geeks like us” shirt ideas. First I am adding all of my retired HE shirt designs, then I hope to add a new design or so each week until my “I should totally make a shirt that says…” file is empty. If it is a success I’ll keep it going.

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt

The best part about this news is that you can now order a “The Doctor Is In” shirt based off the “You’re The Last of The Time Lords, Charlie Brown” comic. It comes in blue or brown. So go check out the site, read the initial blog post and order you some wearable geekiness that will illicit awkward stares.

[Just a side note, I was up for 30+ hours straight working on the site, getting it working/ready to go, etc. so I am horribly behind on comics at the moment. I appreciate your patience.]