The Bravest Little Hobbit Of Them All

I know it’s just a rumor, but do you think Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) would make a good Bilbo Baggins? He already has all that experience being tootled by a gay wizard, which is a definite plus. Personally I think he’s at least 2 feet too tall for the role.

If not Radcliffe, then who would you cast? Do you have high hopes for The Hobbit movies?

A Fetish Revealed

Alternate Title: Sittin’ In The Box O’ The Bay

the-hijinks-ensue-store-e28094-sci-five-t-shirt[reddit-me]Michael Bay traveled to our time from a distant future where man is enslaved by sentient explosions. He also made Megan Fox wash his Ferrari while he filmed it. One can only assume she wasn’t the first actor to get in Bay’s good graces by indulging his is peculiar obsession. Honestly, if the only thing that gets you off is celebrities washing expensive cars there probably isn’t a lot of porn in that genre ready for your enjoyment. I can see why he would take it into his own hands (pun intended) to produce it on his own.

“Like this, Mr. Bay?”

“Yeah, just like that. You’re auditioning for the scene where Cappuccinotron, the Transformer with the stereotypically Italian accent, drives through some mud, then an explosion, then more mud then five more explosions and needs to be washed. Fine Italian transformers can only be washed by hand… in cutoffs…”

SPECIAL THING FOR SERENITY / FIREFLY FANS!!

My friend Mikey is parting with his beloved Serenity Prop Sword and you can totally buy it. It was actually used in the final battle scene between Capt. Mal and The Operative.

Read more and bid HERE.

PS

Sorry for the lack of a comic on Friday. I was in a bit of a creative rut and didn’t want to half ass it.

But Wait, There’s More

[reddit-me]Of all the recent celebrity deaths, the only one I’ve really cared about is Billy Mays. As the comic states, I was in sales for 10 years and I did fancy myself an inventor when I was younger. I have notebooks full of “inventions” that I hoped would one day be sold on TV or in stores. Both of these aspects of my past made me instantly respect Billy Mays. From a sales-guy perspective I recognize that he busted his ass traveling with trade shows to make a living for his family and eventually, through perseverance and perfecting his craft, he made it big. I appreciate the “self made man” entrepreneurial spirit that he epitomized. From a wannabe-inventor stand point, I have to praise him for giving average workshop and garage tinkerers like me the opportunity to bring their products to market and make their fortunes.

These sentiments might seem odd coming from me if  you only know me as a webcomic artist, but you can’t do a job for 10 years without learning to love it (or aspects of it) just a bit. That’s a side of me people don’t often see, but it’s there. I guess I feel like Billy and I were kindred spirits in that respect. Plus I tend to “project” when I talk, which he made into an art form.

I’ve really been enjoying his show Pitchmen” on Discovery. I would assume the show’s future is uncertain at this point, but I encourage you to watch the first season to see what a kind and talented man Billy was.

If you have any warm thoughts to share about Billy Mays, I also encourage you to share them with his son, Billy Mays III on twitter at @youngbillymays. He’s obviously having one of the worst weeks of his life, but he’s been saying that the kind tweets from Billy’s fans are cheering him up.

Godspeed, Billy.

All Thai’d Up In Bangkok

Alternate Titles: “Thai a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree,” “Babes in Thailand” and… well, anything else with “bang and kok”

In poor tastse? Probably. Too soon? Sure. Whatever.

I stand by my “everything is funny or nothing is” philosophy. If we can’t laugh at death, death wins. Plus, if we can’t laugh at a death that involved being found in a Bangkok hotel room with your neck, hands and genitals bound, then all is lost.

Wizard Pride Shirt

Wizard Pride Shirt

I know there is an ongoing investigation to find out if foul play was involved in David Carradine’s death, but I think it’s pretty clear what happened. The internet has taught me about all the crazy ways people enjoy their own jigglies and what not. Mr. Carradine seems to have traded kung-fu for auto-erotic asphyxiation. He went a little too far and the worst happened.

If you have to tie up your balls to get off, more power too you. If you need a large woman in a Strawberry Shortcake outfit to hold a butane torch dangerously close to your buttox while you furiously masturbate to 1980’s tractor pulls on VHS, I say go for it. Consenting adults should be able to sex each other up however they like as long as no one else is hurt.  But, I think it’s safe to say, regardless of how you abuse your baby-makers, you probably don’t want to die mid-said-abuse and forever be remembered as “that guy that died doing that odd sexual thing to himself with that leaf blower and the water melons.”

If you believe Carradine’s ex-wife, he was a depraved old bastard obsessed with sexual deviance who liked to grope her in public against her wishes. That sounds pretty awful but I don’t know the situation personally so I can’t really make a judgment call. I have to sympathize with the dude if only for the Richard Geeresque tainting of his legacy.

Maybe it was murder. Who knows? Maybe the only hope for survival after  a tall, blond woman all clad in yellow uses the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique on you is you restrict the blood flow to your hands, head and balls. Let’s go ahead and pretend that was the case. Ya’ know… out of respect.

The Tigh’s That Blind

Last weekend was Dallas Comic Con. I didn’t go but Denise and Eli made it out to take some pics. Colonel Tigh (Michael Hogan) was there sans eye patch which seemed like a problem that should have been rectified. I can only hope that he answered each question in the affirmative by letting out that famous Caprican strip club “YEEAAAARRRGGGGHHH!” from the BSG finale.