Chief Engineer 57


Baltimore Comic Con

I will be in the Artist Alley at table A164 with Fancy Bastard Alex (Mechamenchi) at my side. Baltimore FB meetup will be Saturday night August 28th around 7:30 or 8pm. We will meet up outside the convention center and go to an eating establishment within walking distance. 4 or 5 of you have already said you’d be coming, but the more the fancier. Please comment below of you think you will be able to make it.

Follow me on TWITTER for updates on the Meetup as we get the plans finalized.

I was thinking about Star Trek: The Next Generation (because I was awake) and I posed this question to my followers on Twitter: “Did every series after TOS strive to fill the same roles as the original with character analogs (Spock-> Data-> Doctor+Tuvok), or did each of the series create characters that fit existing archetypes from modern story telling, tv, movies, etc?”

I got a lot of great responses and I have my own theories, but I’d like to open the question to the greater Fancy Bastards at large. So for your COMMENT CHALLENGE, please feel free to expand on the question above or offer more details about what TNG with Snipes would be like. I know for a fact he would refer to the Jefferies tubes as “Snipes’ Pipes.” Inversely he would call his bong a Jefferies Tube.

I Am Edward Norton’s Inflamed Sense Of Rejection

Comic-Con 2010

This comic was actually intended to run last Friday (when this story was still fresh) but I had to preempt it to make fun of Apple’s “Antennagate” press conference.


I will be at the Topatoco booth (#1231) in the Webcomic’s Pavilion (just around the corner from Penny Arcade). I will have a few shirts, my book, various comic prints, a few left over large prints, [maybe a secret special print… more on that later], and a new item:

Sketch Cards! For $5 I will do a quick sketch for you on a nice card that looks like this:

HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Con Sketch Cards

Pretty neat, huh? Sketches in HE books (that you buy) are free, and larger commissioned pieces are priced depending on complexity.

COMIC-CON EXCLUSIVE “Browncoat vs. Red Shirt” SHIRTS!!!

I can now announce that I did a couple of shirt designs for Quantum Mechanix, fine online retailer of various Firefly/Serentiy, Dr. Horrible, Battlestar and Star Trek Merch, that will be exclusively sold at Comic-Con (booth 3251, which is mid-hall, toward the back wall, near the break area) and likely never again. Pick a side and display your colors proudly.


FB’s JustChristine and JonnyAce wants to organize a meetup for sometime during the con. Thursday night I will be at W00tstock. If you are interested make a comment. If enough people are interested we can make an event on the Fancy Bastards Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter for minute to minute updates as to what’s going on while I’m at Comic-Con.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Internet

That’s it Prince. Prance your princely prance with the Internet. Know it. Love it. Roll around in the fields of wildflowers with it. Oh… uh, don’t touch it there. It’s totally got the herpes. It’s also just lousy with porns.

The background of panel 3 was inspired by THIS which also inspired THIS [which is amazing].

A Dramatic Recreation


NEW LoFiJINKS Podcast!!! [here] and If you want to support HE, please READ THIS.

Poor Mel Gibson. The media has really blown his rampant Jew-hating, misogyny, n-word using (they run in packs now?) and general horribleness out of proportion. Give him a break. He’s only human. A despicable, racist, hate-filled human.

I hope you (those of you in the US) exercised your right to make explosions for freedom yesterday. My wife and I took our 3 year old daughter out into the sticks and left her there with nothing but a hatchet and a compass. If she finds her way home she will get her medicine name and be recognized at the tribal council. Wait. No. We took her out there to explode things because that’s what George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and the other one would have wanted (there were 3 founding fathers right?).

Saturday night was our first attempt at explosiberty, which was thwarted (I shit you not) by a stray cow in the road which attracted a cop. The cop, in the midst of all her shooing and “YAH! GET!”ing of the wayward bovine, noticed us and informed us that though there were 400 fireworks stands along the highway there was ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE within 100 miles that we could utilize them for their intended purpose. We then drove a few miles down a darker, scarier more “dueling banjos” type of road and sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” while our daughter made air circles with sparklers.

Sunday night we met a friend and his daughter and went to our town’s fireworks display shindig by the lake. The airborne explosives were as majestic as the cover band playing that night was awful (they were majestically awful).

Special thanks to Fancy Bastard @Hermetic for suggesting the name of Eli’s firework.

Update: Mel Gibson Admits to Hitting Ex on Tape

Get Off On BK’s

This comic is either about Patrick Stewart getting knighted, or shoes from the 90’s. You decide.

When you look at the list of celebrities the Queen of England has chosen to bestow the honour of Knighthood on, you either get the impression that she’s a “Gotta Catch ‘Em All!” type collector of geek pop culture figureheads, or she is planning the most amazing party of all time. Of the few I mention in panel two (above) you actually get more than twice the Knightly value for your Queenly dollar (or pound). You pay for Bond, Gandalf, Saruman, Alfred and the good Captain of the Enterprise D/E, and you get Henry Jones Sr., Magneto the master of magnetism, a Sith Lord, Austin Powers’ dad and Professor X for free!

[Science Fiction TV-Movie Title Generator T-Shirt @Topatoco!!! There is also a PRINT of this design too!]

SciFi SyFy Tv-Movie Title Generator Shirt

As far as party entertainment goes you’ve got your all star band featuring a be-Donald-Duck-suited Elton John, Paul “The Walrus” “The Paulrus” McCartney, Brian May the noted astrophysicist who also happens to be the guitar god from Queen, some guy named Boner… Bonner… Bono (whatever, I’ve never heard of him) and at least a couple of guys from either The Who or Pink Floyd or BOTH who probably aren’t dead yet. She might not be planning a party. She might be planning the end of the world.

I also find it highly suspect that she picks her knew Knights on her birthday. It reminds me of Francis from PeeWee’s Big Adventure. Like she walks up to a noted entertainer’s manager and says “I will have this one for my collection. Wrap him up and deliver him to the palace with bow on his head and a dusting a baby powder on his nethers.”

Hell, even Steven Spielberg‘s an honorary Knight (you can’t go full armor and chain-male if you weren’t born in Britain). Maybe she wants him to document “The Final Party” for… well, I guess no one would be left. Maybe for whoever cleans up the mess. Let’s say the French.

Considering the general level of geekery at The Round Table, it gets even weirder when you look at the lower honours like Commander and Officer. She’s got Serenity‘s Operative Chiwetel Ejiofor, Liam “I play a Jedi or a bad ass in every movie” Neeson, Michael Palin and  J.R.R. Tolkien. Is the Queen a closet nerd? Is she wearing out VHS tapes of old Python sketches, and reading “The Return Of The King” while listening to “Bicycle Race” on 45?

Whatever her grand scheme is I think she is overlooking two valuable additions to her roster of Britain’s finest. Christian Bale and Daniel Day-Lewis. I don’t think I owe an explanation for either of those other than to mask my geek boner with a text book or a jacket. My man-crushes on these man-men are the man-crushes of humanity. Perhaps she is saving them for her final two Knight… holes… slots? Her final Knight slots. Once all holes… slots are filled, the moon will crack to reveal its hollow core which contains an orbital disco ball only slight smaller than the moon itself. The sun’s rays will hit its hundreds of thousands of tiny mirrors and the people of earth will dance as the super intense reflected light rays render our gyrating booties to naught but smoldering ash. I hope she serves scones.