It’s Time To Light The Lights

Get your HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2 Preoder on! GO HERE NOW! Over 1/4 of the Ultimate Fancy Editions are already gone!

TEXAS FANCY BASTARDS: Come to Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage in Austin this weekend and hang out with me, David, Danielle, Randy, Jeph, Bill, and  Josh.

Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Vol 2! Go ahead and make 1000 vagina jokes right now and just get it out of your system. The Beaver? Seriously? They might as well have called it Meet The Vulvas. I watched the trailer, and personally I don’t think running around elbow deep inside the border line of a beaver is the best way to shake his violent, misogynist image. It’s a very mixed metaphor for Mel to be sending. I wonder if Jodie Foster, who’s directing the beaver as well as this movie (ba-dum DUM!) had to explain to Mel that his costar was a puppet and thus couldn’t blow him for the right to share screen time with him. I wonder if that dissuaded him in the least from violating the felt buck teeth right out of that beaver’s head.

Also, the idea that people inside or outside of Hollywood still support Mel Gibson after he came out to the world as a hateful, violent, racist, wife-beating Class-A buttdouche is just appalling. It’s a symptom of the cancer of apathy that is eroding the concience of America. “Well, he didn’t threaten to beat ME in the head with a baseball bat, so gimme two tickets to that Beaver show, one’o those 164 oz. diet sodas, a clawfoot bathtub full’0 butter toppin’ and some popkurns to dip up in it.”

If you want something from the HE Store before Dec 24th, you should read this message from Topatoco:

Hulk: El Hombre Increíble

UPDATE: Or maybe this didn’t happen at all.

In the same week it was announced that former TV Hulk, Lou “The Ferrigs” Ferrigno, was joining Steven “Fat Karate” Seagal in the Arizona Anti-Illegal Immigration Marauder Posse Squad Strike Force Delta, AND that Guillermo “The Most Mexican Director In Hollywood” del Toro would be bringing a new Hulk TV series to ABC.

Keep Your Laws Off My Ovipositor T-ShirtI can put up with a lot of things, but brand disparity among individuals loosely affiliated with the same fictional property is ALWAYS where I draw the line. I guess. Come on, The Incredible Hulk Franchise. Pro-Mexican or Anti-Mexican? Pick a side. We’re at war.

Is it just me, or does this story make it seem like Steven Seagal actually is the character he played in Robert Rodriguez’s Machete? Pro-tip for illegals trying to sneak past Lou Ferrigno at the border: he’s partially deaf. Stay behind him and be very, very quiet. If he catches you in a sleeper hold, it’s lights out.

For those unfamiliar with Eli’s Vespa-riding doppleganger, it is his friend Alex. He last appeared in THIS COMIC taking Eli’s place after Eli asked for too much imaginary comic money.

COMMENTERS: This whole thing just screams, “set up for a reality show.” Name the show, come up with the tagline, and/or give us an episode synopsis. I’ll get you started:

“Bean Counters with Lou Ferrigno and Steven Seagal! We’re taking these illegals back to brown-town!”

Chief Engineer 57

THIS WEEKEND IS BALTIMORE COMIC CON!!!

Baltimore Comic Con

I will be in the Artist Alley at table A164 with Fancy Bastard Alex (Mechamenchi) at my side. Baltimore FB meetup will be Saturday night August 28th around 7:30 or 8pm. We will meet up outside the convention center and go to an eating establishment within walking distance. 4 or 5 of you have already said you’d be coming, but the more the fancier. Please comment below of you think you will be able to make it.

Follow me on TWITTER for updates on the Meetup as we get the plans finalized.

I was thinking about Star Trek: The Next Generation (because I was awake) and I posed this question to my followers on Twitter: “Did every series after TOS strive to fill the same roles as the original with character analogs (Spock-> Data-> Doctor+Tuvok), or did each of the series create characters that fit existing archetypes from modern story telling, tv, movies, etc?”

I got a lot of great responses and I have my own theories, but I’d like to open the question to the greater Fancy Bastards at large. So for your COMMENT CHALLENGE, please feel free to expand on the question above or offer more details about what TNG with Snipes would be like. I know for a fact he would refer to the Jefferies tubes as “Snipes’ Pipes.” Inversely he would call his bong a Jefferies Tube.

I Am Edward Norton’s Inflamed Sense Of Rejection

Comic-Con 2010

This comic was actually intended to run last Friday (when this story was still fresh) but I had to preempt it to make fun of Apple’s “Antennagate” press conference.

In other news: COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON! COMIC-CON!

I will be at the Topatoco booth (#1231) in the Webcomic’s Pavilion (just around the corner from Penny Arcade). I will have a few shirts, my book, various comic prints, a few left over large prints, [maybe a secret special print… more on that later], and a new item:

Sketch Cards! For $5 I will do a quick sketch for you on a nice card that looks like this:

HijiNKS ENSUE Comic Con Sketch Cards

Pretty neat, huh? Sketches in HE books (that you buy) are free, and larger commissioned pieces are priced depending on complexity.

COMIC-CON EXCLUSIVE “Browncoat vs. Red Shirt” SHIRTS!!!

I can now announce that I did a couple of shirt designs for Quantum Mechanix, fine online retailer of various Firefly/Serentiy, Dr. Horrible, Battlestar and Star Trek Merch, that will be exclusively sold at Comic-Con (booth 3251, which is mid-hall, toward the back wall, near the break area) and likely never again. Pick a side and display your colors proudly.

DO YOU WANT A SAN DIEGO FANCY BASTARD MEETUP?

FB’s JustChristine and JonnyAce wants to organize a meetup for sometime during the con. Thursday night I will be at W00tstock. If you are interested make a comment. If enough people are interested we can make an event on the Fancy Bastards Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter for minute to minute updates as to what’s going on while I’m at Comic-Con.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Internet

That’s it Prince. Prance your princely prance with the Internet. Know it. Love it. Roll around in the fields of wildflowers with it. Oh… uh, don’t touch it there. It’s totally got the herpes. It’s also just lousy with porns.

The background of panel 3 was inspired by THIS which also inspired THIS [which is amazing].