The Captain’s Prerogative



And My Axe - Gimli shirt by HijiNKS ENSUE at Topatoco

Last chance for Ladies Heather Grey “And My Axe” shirts!

NEW HE Podcast in which we discuss the possibility of Nathan Fillion buying Firefly.

OMG EMERALD CITY COMICON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! It is by far my favorite show of the year. Come see me and Angela at booth 307. Here’s a MAP to all the other webcomics I know that will be there. I will be at the Marian Call show in Seattle Thursday night. If any Fancy Bastards are in the audience, feel free to comic up and say hi. Due to my traveling, there will an unusual comic schedule this week. Probably a guest comic and maybe a few more Lo-FiJINKS comics than normal await you.

Nathan Fillion wields a strange power over geeks. If he were to tweet the word “jump” we would probably knock the Earth off its axis. But no amounts of tweeting or jumping or wishing or clapping can bring Firelfy back from the dead. At least not the way it was. Most of the actors have moved on and many of them (including Captain Castle) into a higher pay grade. A few years ago I might have thrown my hat into the “hopeful Browncoat” ring, but the older, wise, more frequently disappointed me just wishes people would stop reopening the wound.

I suppose there is one way we could raise enough money to force Fox to give up the rights to Firefly. We could sell Charlie Sheens moon-sized balls for their weight in… sperm, I guess. It does have monitory value. At this point in his meltdown cycle, when Charlie finally bursts into actual flames from snorting cocaine and kerosene out of the barrel of a machine gun, I expect a new baby Sheen will rise from the ashes. A Sheenix, if you will. Will you? Excellent.

COMMENTERS: If the planets aligned and you could really have more Firefly (on actual TV), would you really still want it at this point? I’m sure the answer is a resounding yes (followed by a string of incoherent Chinese cursing), but I can conceive of a world where there are people that feel the show ran it’s course. In this fanciful scenario where the actors were available and affordable, as was Joss, what would you want to see? The River Tam storyline is rather resolved, so where should the weekly adventures of the crew of the Serenity go from there? Don’t take the comics into consideration when you answer this one.

Wheaton Comic Dare: Unwatchable At Any Speed

Team Edward [James Olmos] Shirts at Topatoco!

NEW HE PODCAST [episode 78] IS HERE! Hours of extra podcast are HERE for Vault Subscribers.

New Lo-FiJINKS comic posted late last night!

Driving back to Dallas from Austin today so colors and what not will be finished this evening.
UPDATE: Refresh as hard as you can to see the finished comic.

Wheaton threw down another comic dare challenge and, as always, I accepted. When will you learn not to step to these mad comicing skills, Wheaton? When? WHEEEEEAAAAATONNNNNNNN!

Having seen the trailer for Drive Angry 1: Too Driving Too Angry, I got the impression that Nic Cage escaped hell to rescue his daughter, who was the slutty blond played by Amber Heard that he was driving so very angry with. Then I got the distinct impression they wanted to have sex with each other. THEN I saw the full trailer and realized she was just some road cooz along for the ride. Whatever. This movie looks banana-tits insane.

COMMENTERS: What’s your favorite/least favorite crazy/sane Nic Cage performance and why? Also, please create subtitles for the inevitable sequels to Drive Angry: Drive Momma From The Train.

Thanks to @SpringHeeledJak for suggesting the Hindenburg kite.

Just Before The Dawn

Ewok Stare Shirts at Topatoco!

Ewok Stare Shirt

I know this comic doesn’t make any sense. At Shitty Movie night at Josh IRL’s house we watched Mutant Zombie Vampires From The ‘Hood, starring one Mr. C. Thomas Howell. During a particularly unsexy “sex” scene featuring Mr. Howell I yelled out Josh’s lines from panels 2 and 3 above. Those familiar with Howell’s work in Red Dawn should be somewhat less perplexed than those who aren’t. The aforementioned 98% of you that aren’t should feel free to remain confused and keep making that face. Yes. That’s the one.

MZVFTH would be an excellent Shitty Movie Night flick if not for two major drawbacks: 1) The dialog is almost completely inaudible. While this doesn’t normally affect your potential enjoyment of this type of movie, it gets old really quick. Especially because the gun shot sound effects (both of them) are played at ear splitting levels roughly 100,000 times over 90 minutes. And 2) The film does not contain the titular vampires. It seems to contain mutants which could be construed as zombies, actual zombies, and possibly even mutant zombies. But it doesn’t contain any sort of vampire. Though the characters do occasionally refer to the zombies as vampires for no discernable reason. This is just false advertising on the part of the film makers and I won’t stand for it.

Let’s get back to C. Thomas Howell. As a youth he starred in Red Dawn, a film about the Russians attacking U.S. soil at the end of the cold war and being defeated by a rag-tag group of kids, and Soul Man, possibly the only film made after 1948 to feature a main character in black-face. The old saying must be true. Once you go black-face, you never come back-face. Because after Soul Man, Howell’s career took a bit of a nose dive. He didn’t work less, so to speak. In fact the quantity of his output skyrocketed. The quality? Not so much. Though the film he is best known for, Red Dawn, is getting a big budget Hollywood remake for a 2011 release. If you ask me, they should of gone for the gusto and remade Soul Man, but this time instead of a white guy pretending to be a black man they could do a couple of black guys pretending to be whiteOMG WHITE CHICKS THE WAYANSES ALREADY DID THAT BLUGHLBLUGHLBLUGHL. Never mind.

Bantha’s In The Belfry

Ewok Stare T-Shirt Close Up

There are about 30 Ultimate Fancy Editions of HE Book 2 left and selling them ALL is super important in order for me to afford the full print run without having to go into the red. Order soon and you can still get your name in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall of Fancy Fame. Once the final file goes to the printer (a few days, maybe more) that won’t be an option.

Just to clarify, when I say Midi-Chlorians I am, of course, referring to “Musical Instrument Digital Interface Chlorians.”

So either George Lucas recently Netflix’d Roland Emmerich’s 2012 and thought he was watching a documentary or he actually believes in the Mayan 2012ocalypse. Either way he’s a fool. A damned fool with a fleshy fanny pack strapped to his chin that he calls a neck. I assume it is either used to store nutrition for the long, harsh winters on Hoth or contains dozens of Admiral Ackbar action figures.

COMMENTERS: So what is Lucas up to? Is this just a ploy to sell a another special “Get It Before The End Of Days” edition of Star Wars on Blu-Ray? If he really does believe this horsecockery, what is his escape plan? Carbon freeze to ride out doomsday? Escape to Dagobah? Post your theories below!

Behold A Pale Horse

This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT necessarily be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.

Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!

The producers of the Harry Potter movie franchise made Tom Felton stay inhumanly blond and inconceivably pale for nearly half his life in order to better serve his character. Though he is now allowed to have his natural hair color and get a little sun, the darkness instilled in him by playing Draco Malfoy for so long has consumed his very soul beyond restoration. He is an agent of pure evil. He’s also a bit of a prissy twat. It is up to Daniel Radcliffe to kill him now. Neither can live while the other survives.