The Hobo Code of Honor

If the man yer dealin’ with asks for an activated iPhone, he’s gettin’ an ACTIVATED iPhone. A hobo’s word is his bond. So is his switchblade. Wait, that’s a crappy code. I think it’s, “A hobo is only as good as his word, and his word is only as good as his stabbing ability.” No, it’s definitely, “A hobo stabs first and stabs questions later.”

Looks like Apple had some trouble activating all those new iPhone 3G’s and ended up sending people home with iBricks. “Thanks for 7 hours in line, $200 and a 2 year commitment! Here’s a thing that doesn’t work!”

You old school Fancy Bastards may remember “Apple Store Guy” from the EXTREMELY short lived Mac-themed comic I did for Apple Insider.

On a related note, THIS is my favorite comic about Hoboes who are also cats.

OMFGGG

That’s right. Boxcar M-F’ing Pete. I need to see about getting him on the Podcast.

I toyed with the idea of unlocking my current iPhone and eBaying it to some far away land where they aren’t actually available so I could afford an iPhone 3G. Then I started seeing reviews and articles saying, “The 3G data is pretty cool, but what you really want is the 2.0 firmware! It’s like a robot with laser tits!” Since my iPhone can have said tit-bot firmware for free, I’ve opted to postpone any possible upgrade scenario for now.

I updated iTunes and downloaded the 2.0 firmware (a day early since I’m such a cheeky monkey), and got my App Store on. I grabbed some of the free apps that looked useful (Twitterific, AIM, a flashlight thing, and Remote). Remote is an app from Apple that let’s you control your iTunes through your phone. I don’t want to go into a long review, but it’s freaking awesome. You can browse your entire lib(r)ary, view album art, etc from your phone. The communication was almost instant. I have bluetooth turned off, so I assume it uses WiFi or dark wizardry.

My advice: hold on to your original iPhone for now (or, if you never bought one in the first place, pick one up used from a jumpy upgrader sans contract). Wait for a significant update, like 32 or 64 gb’s. The apps really do make this a new device with a lot more potential. I want to buy Band, but I’m waiting for Josh to be my guinea pig.

UPDATE: They’ve already cracked the new firmware. 

La Siesta Más Peligrosa

Eli is a heavy sleeper.

Who is that striking fellow making off with Eli’s fillings? Why it’s Boxcar Pete, the lovable transient stab-happy hobo. Pete will have his fill of fortified wine tonight, I tell you. The alley behind the Burger King will echo with the songs of his adventures.

I know this isn’t your typical HE fare. No geek references or Cylon jokes. Sometime I like to draw squirrels. This was one of those times.

(It means, “The Most Dangerous Nap”)

Hoboes are basically worthless

They don’t even have Edge data.

Josh has been trying to sneak my iPhone away at every available opportunity in an attempt to navigate it’s browser over to jailbreakme.com. He’s like my mom in that he knows what’s best for me despite my own wishes. And apparently, what’s best for me is to Jailbreak my virgin iPhone.

Hardware hacking just isn’t my thing. I’m squeamish. I used to have to get Josh to come over and update my hacked Xbox dashboard. There was IRC involved. Not for the faint of heart.

I gave him the chance to sway me to his side but all he could produce as evidence of reasons to hack were various games, and… games. A sophisticated gaming platform, the iPhone is not. This certainly wasn’t enough to make me want to turn over root access to my device.

If you’ve seen the current round of iPhone ads (one if which is parodied above) you are no doubt familiar with the “Pilot” one. He’s sitting in a plane and the flight is delayed due to an approaching storm. His iPhone saves the day because he is able to check weather.com and see that the storm has moved on.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Air F-ing traffic control is going to ground a flight based on information from instruments that is NOT as sophisticated as weather.com? Worse yet, do they not have the internet?

What if the pilot had just looked up Hurricane” on Urban Dictionary? Could he have convinced them to clear him for takeoff based on the fact that, according to UD, a hurricane is either a particular type of bong that will “roast you so quick”, a doubly potent 40 oz of malt liquor, a Bob Dylan song, or an ejaculatory endzone dance referenced in a Souljah Boy lyric. Nothing to worry about there, right?

Those with a keen eye will recognize Boxcar Pete in the wash tub up there in panel 4. He’s the stabby kind of hobo, so watch out.

Building The Brand

I read an article in Wired about the secret lives of Gabe and Tycho from Penny Arcade. It was eye opening to say the least. Penny Arcade is not a simple two man production whose sole focus is uploading jpegs and cracking wise. Oh no. Gabe and Tycho are merely figure heads that sit loftily atop a monolithic stone edifice overseeing a vast corporate empire. PA is a business. PA is a profit generating, self perpetuating turbine of lewd and lascivious 1’s and 0’s. I say this not to disparage, but to demonstrate my extreme reverence and awe.

Here are the Cliff’s notes:

  • Gabe and Tycho oversee a staff of 10, including a full time sales staff
  • PA Generates profits in the multiple (at least 2) millions annually (the writer estimates)
  • Gabe and Tycho were contemplating day jobs at the height of their initial super stardom due to VASTLY undercharging for advertising. Robert fixed all that.
  • PAX is now the LARGEST NORTH AMERICAN GAME EXPO. Period.

Read the article. It was good. What a surreal and amazing experience the last few years must have been for those two.

Josh met Jerry and Mike a few years ago when they were working on a promotional piece for a game he and Eli were developing (and for which I did voice work). He said they are extremely cool guys and quite down to earth. I believe it. Their intentions seem to be pure and their motivations just. My one and only confusion stems from the fact that Tycho writes from time to time about not having money for this game or that peripheral… YOUR WEBCOMIC GENERATES OVER 1 MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR! Stop fucking with me.

Also, Gabe looks like Freddy Mercury.

Also, Also: On the subject of hoboes, you must download and listen to John Hodgman’s (PC from the Mac commercials and Daily Show correspondant) 700 hobo names. Its fabulous beyond repair. “Boxcar Aldous Huxley” is my favorite. It also features music from the fantastic Jonathan Coulton. When you are done you can visit the site with all 700 hobo names in illustration form.