The Time Travelers Wife Has A Lot Of Free Time

Every man I know who sports both a penis AND a vagina twixt his thighs says I should totally read The Time Travelers Wife and have a good cry into my matching brassier and panties. Do they really expect me to see a “sci-fi” movie that seems to have more in common with The Notebook than Blade Runner? Ah, but they weren’t suggesting I see the movie. They were suggesting I explore the source material, which is apparently a very different time traveling animal. Even those fans of the book seem to have the same misgivings as I do about the movie.

hijinks-ensue-godspeed-you-fancy-bastard-book-300x300Knowing myself as well as I do, I realized I will certainly never read the book so I did the next best/worst thing and read the plot synopsis on Wikipedia. I’m sorry, vengeful Internet! I just had to know what was up with this quantum leaper and his spouse. No spoilers, but it’s actually a very cool story with a wonderfully tragic ending. Maybe that was a spoiler. If you don’t like tragedy, make sure to see the movie because they changed the ending after focus groups said it was too much of a downer. Movies, after all, aren’t supposed to make you feel sad, or uncomfortable, or angry or be anything but an escape from our mundane lives into mundane fantasy. I guess that’s why I’m having such a hard time selling my screen play about the plight of African AIDS babies getting sold to warlords to work in diamond mines. It’s called “Look Who’s Talking and Has AIDS: Baby Blood Diamond.” All the babies would be voiced by Wayans’s.

Artistic License

I’ve been rushing to get the book done, so I’m posting just the pencils for today’s comic. The final version will be up tonight.

BOOK NEWS!!!
Next week I hope to post information on the book preorder (that is the first HijiNKS Ensue collection which will have all the comics from 2007 and 2008 + new commentary + never before seen early artwork and other neatnesses).

Personally I enjoyed “Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince” but thought the ending fell a little flat. OK, a LOT flat. I could make a list of the things that I think shouldn’t have been left out or altered but if you’ve read the book you probably have a similar if not identical mental list. As for the omissions and alterations, this movie seems to have taken a different approach from the previous ones. It’s like the screenwriter said, “Harry needs to get from point A to point C. In the books point B is 5 chapters long, so let’s just have someone walk up and tell Harry everything he would have learned in those chapters and call it done.” That sounds negative, but I was actually OK with it. I understand they can’t leave everything in, so getting the general gist across the audience makes perfect sense.

If you saw “The Half-Blood Prince” this week, post your thoughts in the comments. [BE NICE!!!]

The Disorder Of The Phoenix

[reddit-me]Also, known as “Wizard Withdrawal” and “Phantom Wand Syndrome.”

the-hijinks-ensue-store-e28094-sci-five-t-shirtNow that I’m done with the whole Harry Potter series, I feel a little empty. Like I’ve learned everything there is no know and life poses no more challenges [not actually… I just really enjoyed the books]. I find myself wanting to engage strangers in Harry Potter related discourse, and make constant references to HP characters and events in normal conversation. “Who does this jackoff think he is? The Minister of fucking Magic? C’Mon!

Die hard fans may disagree, but I think the HP mythos is crying for an expanded universe. I still desire to immerse myself in the wizarding world, and there’s no more magical waters in which to dip my dainty toes. Maybe the release of “The Half-Blood Prince” movie will liven my spirits. The early reviews all say it’s the best in the series.

If nothing else, having finished all 7 books I am better equipped to make veiled sexual references using the vernacular of the Potter-verse. Armed only with knowledge of the movies I might have said something like “I bet he wants to stick his bludger in her snitch, if ya’ know what I mean.” While humorous to the average muggle, that phrasing and word substitution is all wrong. You see “snitch” bares a striking resemblance in spelling to “snatch,” a crude euphemism for vagina. Saturated with Potter lore as I am now I realize, other than in name, a snitch doesn’t accurately convey the idea of an “opening” in which to place a phallus. Unless, you count Harry’s first golden snitch in which Dumbledore hid… well you get the point.

I’d probably be better off comparing, let’s say, an old woman’s (perhaps your mother’s) vagina to the Sorting Hat. Leathery, patched up and floppity.

Thanks to everyone who followed along with my live tweeting while reading (with my ears) the books. I got a lot of positive feedback and only a few “STOP! NO! SPOILERS! AHHH!” A lot of you commented about the long buried emotional scars I was stirring up with my tweets. I admit to getting a little misty on more than one occasion towards the end.

A Princely Pursuit

the-hijinks-ensue-store-e28094-wizard-pride-t-shirt

I’ve been listening the Harry Potter Audio Books by Jim Dale while drawing for the past few weeks. I just started book 7 today and I’m already sad that I’m nearly done with the series. I can’t recommend this audio book series more. Jim Dale absolutely brings each and every character to life with an individual voice and distinct personality. I don’t want to gush too much about how thoroughly I’ve enjoyed each book so far, but I do have to say a sincere apology to anyone I mocked over the last decade or so for getting too involved in “a children’s book.” I didn’t know, ok? I didn’t understand.

With this new found infatuation with the source material, I am finding myself increasingly distraught with the movies. This is odd considering the movies were my introduction to the franchise and what got me interested in the books. It’s like REALLY enjoying your cousin’s Zeppelin cover band, then hearing the real thing and realizing cousin Randy probably shouldn’t have been playing a banjo with vacuum cleaner attachment.

I know you can’t properly film a 700 page book for budgetary and attention span reasons, but some of the omissions and alterations in the movies are just lazy. Entire characters are distilled to one or two lines of dialog and often attributed to the wrong character. Most of the frustration I felt with the series was actually due to issues the movies would address but then leave hanging. I’m excited to see the adaptation of “The Half-Blood Prince” on the big screen, but now I realize not to expect it to be too faithful to the books. If it’s a good film, I can enjoy it for what it is but I’m not expecting them to cover everything. I actually do anticipate that I’ll be staring puzzled at the screen for most of the movie when key plot elements are glazed over or left out entirely.

There Once Was A Man From Kirkjuvágr

“…Whose flerhghrn was so long he could sklargk it!”

More info about Tolkien’s “new” book of harsh, frigid, Nordic verse, “The Legend of Sigurd and Gudrún,” if you follow this link:

In the notes that accompany the manuscript Tolkien basically says, “I was looking for a way to practice being more long-winded and-my-axeand boring in an effort to stifle the flow of my narratives, so I tossed off some Norse poetry (obeying all the standard harsh and bitter guidelines) on these pages. It should be regarded as cat box liner or perhaps tissues to clense the anus.”

OK, that’s a little harsh, but he does state that the “NEW FABULOUS PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN TOLKIEN WORK!!!LOLONE” was merely an exercise in a new (boring) medium for him. I’ve gone on record (especially on the HE Podcast) as saying Peter Jackson SAVED “Lord of The Rings” from Tolkien’s own inane rambling. He turned those stories into something a human person could actually digest in one life time. The mass of material he cut out, while of vital importance to some, did nothing for me but strangle the story. When I finally read LOTR: TFotR AFTER seeing the films, I was struck dumb at the level of unnecessary and distracting detail the “Hobbitpedia” went into.  Not that I would want to, but rest assured I know how best to cultivate Pipe Weed, what type of soil to use, when to plant, when to harvest, how much to put in a dime bag, etc etc.

My point is, just because it has the “Tolkien” stamp of approval, doesn’t mean it’s fit for release or mass consumption. Tolkien himself probably never intended for the public to read it. It reminds me of 9th grade when I was obsessed with Foo Fighters. This was pre-internet so I was tracking down every B-Side, import and rarity on CD in record stores, at record conventions and in catalogs. A year or so and a few hundred dollars later I had every song they had ever released (and many they hadn’t). Lots of the Japanese B-Sides and rare live recordings were actually pretty crappy. I was just being a completest. There was a reason these songs didn’t make it to the albums. So if this is Tolkiens B-Side, I hope the Hobbit-hungry public treats it as such.

UPDATE:

A Reddit commenter finished the limerick:

reddit-limerick