Don’t Be That Guy

UPDATE: There’s now a shirt inspired by this comic in the HE Store!

Grammar Dalek Shirt by HijiNKS ENSUE

Did you know I have published two books of my comics containing NEW COMMENTARY for absolutely every comic, embarrassing stuff I drew in middle school and high school, and LOTS more extras that have never been published online? Well, I did and I’m really proud of them and they have funny names and I think you should buy them.

I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! MORE INFO HERE.

GAHHH! Stop being such a Grammar Dalek! (Yes, you should probably start using this phrase in daily life.)

I made this comic almost entirely on my iPad in the PHX airport during a layover on my way to Calgary. Some of the template and text layout was done ahead of time in Photoshop, and some of the mistakes will probably be cleared up in Photoshop after I get back, but I don’t feel at all bad about being proud of what I was able to accomplish on zero hours sleep with a tablet and a stylus sitting at an airport Burger King. The app I used was ProCreate and the styli were the Adonit Jot Pro and the Wacom Bamboo. A word of warning to would be iPad artists, I had to start using a screen protector with the Adonit Jot to prevent (additional) scratches on the screen. The good news is the recently released Zagg Invisible Sheld HD is a MUCH better screen protector than their previous versions. Very smooth, glass-like surface with little to no texture and far less friction. I also took a Fancy Bastard suggestion and used an app called Photogene to resize the comic and I was pleasantly surprised to see that it will resize, rename and upload straight to my server via FTP.

So there’s a bunch of stuff about apps and whatever. Super funny haha entertaining, right? I haven’t slept since Tuesday night and facts are the only things my brain can process. The sky is up, the rest is down and the harvest approacheth. The time of the Bloodwolves is upon us and only the cunning and the swift will be spared in the flesh reaping. These are all facts. I am so tired. Come buy my stuff in Calgary. All the commercials here are for stores and things I have never heard of. What are Rogers and Shaw and what is a Honda Civic?

COMMENTERS: Feel free to come up with your best Grammar Dalek lines.

Guest Comic By Brian Patterson Of D20 Monkey

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt! 

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

Since I am packing and print-making and prepping for C2E2, Brian Patterson was kind enough to provide you with an illustrated funny-time concerning role playing, Time Lords and a completely different kind of role playing. Brian makes a comic called D20 Monkey, which should quite adequately fill the dungeon and or dragon shaped hole in your geek soul that HE just doesn’t do anything for. Brian did THIS other HE guest comic last June, this one from March and THIS guest comic for my friend Alina just a few weeks ago. He has a shirt HERE that I think is amazingly well designed and funny, even though I would be a total poser if I were to wear it.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever had a game or movie or whatever that you were just DYING to share with your friends? Something from childhood that you might have perhaps been remembering through a filter of stupid child memories? Did it live up to the hype or were you disappointed and embarrassed. This has happened to be a few times with movies. The first was the partial-Python Beatles spoof The Rutles*, and the other was the 90’s gangta rap Spinal Tap homage Fear Of A Black Hat. Both were quite unique and hysterical when I first saw them (around age 15), but context is everything. In the intervening decade the mockumentary format was run pretty square into the ground, and I (as well as those I was so excited to share these films with) had become desensitized and jaded to the genre.

*Upon further reflection I might be confusing my second later in life viewing of The Rutles with a different post-Python project called Ripping Yarns. The Rutles might still be hilarious.

C2E2 in Chicago is this weekend! I’ll be with Blind Ferret at Booth 432. More details HERE
If you are coming to C2E2, you really don’t want to miss our panel:

Panel: Webcomics Roundtable With Blind Ferret and Explosm!
Date: 4/14/2012
Time: 4:00PM – 5:00PM
Location: N426c

Come to this thing! It will be 100 funs!

Somewhere In Time And Relative Dimension In Space

 

Just before The Doctor saves the planet, that bitch Harriet Jones jerks it out from under him. ARRRRRRRGH!

The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

I owe a lot to Mystery Science Theater 3000. In all honesty I owe my job to that show. I didn’t realize it at the time, but every episode of MST3K I saw as a kid was teaching me how to be funny. From Joel, Mike, Crow and Tom Servo’s example I learned how to find the common threads in totally unrelated things and exploit them for comedy. I learned how to index, search and retrieve references and how to find the one glimmer of humor in a seemingly humorless situation (or film, in their case). They taught me less about “making jokes” and more about learning how to look at situations to see why they are already funny, or the find the missing piece that would make them funny. I use those lessons every single day and I am grateful that there was such a resource available to me. Considering none of that was even remotely funny, perhaps I have forgotten all I learned. Oh well.

I was lucky enough to get to hang out with Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett at SDCC last year and tell them just how much of an impact they had on my comedic upbringing. If you haven’t spent a great deal of time with Joel, Mike and the bots, I strongly suggest you stream the available episodes of MST3K on Netflix and FOR THE LOVE OF SPACE CHIEF you have to check out Rifftrax. The very fact that their commentary made both Eragon and Twilight not only endurable but enjoyable should be enough to convince you to give them your delicious monies in exchange for their electronic laugh-time files.

COMMENTERS: Please insert The Doctor into your favorite MST‘d movie. Give me the title and the key scenes. Perhaps in Pod People he could give Trumpy the choice to end his terrible reign of “making things float” and “doing stupid things” in exchange for helping him get back to his own planet. Of course in the end, when Trumpy doesn’t aquiesce, The Doctor would have to destroy him. Maybe The Doctor could team up with Rowsdower in The Final Sacrifice and stop all those… Canadians from… doing whatever they were trying to do. I’m still not sure about that one. ROWSDOWER!

100,000 bonus points to anyone that rewrites the MST3K theme song (any version) to be about The Doctor. I KNOW one of you can do it.

UPDATE 2: 

BIG ASS 11×17 PRINTS ARE IN THE HIJINKS ENSUE PRINT SHOP

UPDATE: Today’s comic has been desktopified and wallpaper-o-tronned for your amusement and downloadification. All HijiNKS Ensue wallpapers are now available on a “Pay what you like” donation basis. Please consider donating to support HijiNKS Ensue.

TO CURRENT VAULT SUBSCRIBERS: I am currently reworking the Vault and the incentives for donations. I have some really fun stuff to announce, hopefully later this month (January 2012).

The Boy Who Waited

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet. The Doctor Is In T-Shirt, Funny Doctor Who Parody Shirt, Charlie Brown, Sci-Fi

Me, Randy MilhollandDavid Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastards should NOT miss it.

More details HERE.

HijiNKS ENSUE at Dragons Lair Webcomic Rampage

In honor of The Doctor and my current allergy-related headsplosion, I am drinking a cocktail of Dayquil, Sudaphed, vodka and orange juice. I call it a Sonic Screwdriver*. I can’t say I’m happy that The Doctor is leaving for so long, but I would rather them make a great series than rush to meet some arbitrary deadline. Plus, The Doctor always comes back eventually.

My daughter is starting to figure out that Santa Claus isn’t real. [SPOILERS] Recently she’s said things like, “I bet scientists don’t think that Santa can really see everyone all the time,” and “I don’t think Santa’s reindeer can really fly. I bet they just walk everywhere.” I think I’m going to start telling her that Santa is and has always been a lie, because it’s The Doctor that brings her presents every year. Then we can leave fish fingers and custard on the fireplace for him on Christmas Eve.

COMMENTERS: Mofftatt said the incredibly long Doctor Who hiatus (Doctor Whiatus) is due to his feelings that new adventures in the blue box should start in fall. In this age of DVR’s, Netflix streaming, and all manner of time-shifted TV, does any of that really matter? Would we be better off if series were released all at once or in chunks, 6-10 episodes at a time?

Also, what are you doing to cope with the year long break from Doctor Who? Any shows taking its place? What about other activities? Do you go… outside? Do you know where outside is? Are their people out there? Please don’t tell them where I am.

*Seriously guys, do not try this. 

The State Of The Universe

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts,  nerdy shirts

[Sorry, non-Doctor Who fans. This one doesn’t make any sense to you.]

The Whitehouse’s official stance on aliens, UFO’s and the like is that we haven’t yet made contact, and no information regarding extraterrestrials has been concealed by the government from the public. But, isn’t that EXACTLY what they would say if they WERE covering something up? And if The Silence are involved, do they even know they are covering it up? If Fox Moulder voted for Obama, would it be “Change I WANT TO BELIEVE in?” Further more, do astronauts have sex in space? How does that even work? So many mysteries.

When I was a kid, I was both facinated and terrified by the idea of aliens visiting Earth. The early 90’s saw a strange surge in alien related media. Perhaps The X-Files started it, or perhaps the interest in UFO’s paved the way for the show. Either way, there were TV specials, movies and books coming out left and right that all seemed to say the same thing: We are not alone, and the truth is being kept from us. I soaked up every bit of info I could (which was hard pre-Internet) and felt that I had an above average working knowledge of “the truth.” I knew all about the inconsistencies of the reports surrounding Roswell, the military personell that had come forward only to be discredited, the similarities in abduction stories and the “greys.” I just accepted that this was the secret truth and eventually it would all come out. I could understand, even at 11 years old, why the government would lie about these events, but I never even questioned the “abductees” themselves. Why would anyone lie about such a thing? I also wanted us to get as close to a Star Trek reality as possible in my lifetime, and aliens jump starting our technology and society seemed like a good way to get the ball rolling.

I realize now how I let my youthful naivety and enthusiasm for sci-fi get out of hand. I firmly believe there are other lifeforms in the universe, those we would recognize as life and those we would not, but I doubt they are monitoring us or conducting experiments on us. A life-sustaining world might be such a rarity in the universe, and the distances between them so great, that even given millions of intelligent species two of them would just never cross paths. Life may also be abundant in the universe, but just not all at the same time. Perhaps species are born and die in the relative blink of an eye and hardly ever coexist. I hope that’s not the case. How lonely if it is.

COMMENTERS: Were you, as I, fascinated by aliens as a kid? Are you now? Any defining moments that lead you to believe one way or another? One thing that sticks out for me was the TV movie version of “Communion.” There was a scene where a little boy runs to a lake, a woman chases him, then sees a spaceship floating over the lake and when the boy turns around he has the face of a grey. THAT. SHIT. SCARED. ME. TO. DEATH. The images was burned into my brain and haunted me for years. It was especially horrifying because I believed it was 100% true and was probably going to happen to me eventually. So far it hasn’t… or has it? [No, probably not.]