Dick Everlasting

Alternate ending:Ancient Spirts of Evil, Transform this decayed form into CHENEY THE EVER-LIVING!!!

[This comic is translated from Dick Cheney’s native language, a mixture of Parseltongue and the dark tongue spoken in Mordor]

Cheney was looking pretty rough at the inauguration on Tuesday. He was on his third baboon heart, and previously had all of his bones replaced with steel recovered from ground zero. With his titanium kidneys and cobalt spleen, he is more machine now than man. Though there are those that believe Cheney isn’t a man at all, rather he’s actually a highly evolved insect that has learned how to use it’s natural camouflage to mimic a human appearance. Personally, I believe that he is ageless. He was birthed of the primordial fires of creation, and roamed the Earth long before any other sentient life. He drove the demons, trolls and orcs deep below… or they banished him to the surface… either way, he is as ancient as he is evil and he is large amounts of both.

I’m guessing Cheney has been assuming different identities throughout history. Who was he? Zeus? Jack the Ripper? Joseph Stalin? Dracula? I bet he was Dracula. Also, feel free to share your ideas for other ways Cheney has kept alive all these years. I would have defaulted to the obvious conclusion that he’s a Cylon, but without the Resurrection Ship, I’m not sure how that would work.

And before you tell me to take it easy on Cheney, or the Bush administration, save it. I’m still high on Obama fumes and I’m not nearly ready to come down.

And a SPECIAL THANK YOU to those Twittering FB’s that unwittingly helped me write this comic with their @’s (justchristine, lonneynerd, bradymikep, bshirley, jaydeflix, and muttonhead104).

Tightening Our Utility Belts

Looks like even the most wealthy and powerful of us are affected by the economic crisis.

Eli was in Chicago this week for vacation and made a point to visit as many “Dark Knight” filming locations as possible. He TXT’d me “do a comic about Batman playing music in the subway for change.” This is close enough.

I’d like to see Hobo Bruce Wayne fighting over a half a pizza crust with Boxcar Pete. Bruce is probably a better fighter, but Pete isn’t afraid to kill.

I wonder what other “services” Bruce Wayne could offer his clients. “A Hot Harvey Dent,” “A Reverse Riddler,” “A Penguin Flipper (It’s like The Shocker).” I’m sure the list goes on and on. Got any other items for the “menu?”

Why So Posthumous?

I don’t want to weigh in on the whole “does he deserve an Oscar” dispute, because I don’t really put any stock in the Academy Awards. It’s mostly a Hollywood “let’s all smell our own farts” circle jerk fiasco. That said, having seen “The Dark Knight,” I can honestly say that no actor has ever brought the character of the Joker to life like Heath Ledger. His performance (Oscar worthy or not) was phenomenal. I’ve always hated the “funny Joker” and Heath must have sympathized. His Joker was the psycho nutbox that kills people just to see what will happen. He’s an instrument of chaos with no direction or design. That’s what makes him the perfect foil for Batman. It’s order vs. chaos. Self control vs. instinct. Man vs. animal. That’s a struggle I can believe in 100 times over “I kill because I’m crazy and it’s funny.”

Heath Ledger/Dark Knight Links for your perusal:

Knighty Nite

I’m sure many of your FB’s saw “Dark Knight” last night around midnight… midknight? I hope to catch it this weekend. So far the review have gone something like, “Holy shit, Batman!” so I am enthused.

I’ve never read the “Watchmen” comics. I know, I will turn in my comic geek card at the door. I had been reading that die hard fans of Alan Moore’s anti-hero opus were worried about the movie not staying true to the source material, but apparently the trailer (that is showing with “Dark Knight“) is assuaging their fears.

I only know of the characters and story what Josh has told me and what I’ve read on Wiki, but the trailer was bonerific to say the least, even if their Batman analog is a freaking barn owl.

Speaking of Batman… just watch this and smile.