C2E2 2011 Fancy Photo-Comic Part 2

EWOK STAAAAAARRREEEEEE!!!
Ewok Stare Shirt

If you preordered HE Book 2, please read the updated shipping times on THIS PAGE.

I’m heading out this morning to talk to a local high school art class about making comics. I think it’s part of the D.A.R.E. program. Drawing dicks Always Rapes Eyeballs or some such. Please enjoy this Fancy Photo-Comic featuring David WillisDanielle Corsetto and introducing Randy Milholland as the ghost of Alan Moore.

Very special thanks to Super Webcomics Fan Jose Villalobos for taking a few of the pics that appear in today’s comic and posting them to Facebook.

I did a webcomics panel at C2E2 with Rob DenbleykerKris WilsonRyan Sohmer and the aforementioned Ms. Corsetto which, according to audience feedback, was the greatest panel in the history of con-dom [not condoms, though I’m am sure some nerds were knocking boots afterwards]. The audio of that panel will be posted [hopefully Friday] as the next episode of The HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast. I suggest you go ahead and subscribe via RSS or iTunes so you don’t miss it. I will tease you with two words: Yeti Murphy.

COMMENTERS: Any con stories you want to share? Any con HORROR stories you want to share? Did you wait in line for 12 hours to meet Stan Lee, get nervous and throw up on him? Did he throw up on you? Was that even at a con?

La Mujer Gato y El Luchador Mal

Ewok Stare T-Shirt Close UpThere is a new HE Podcast.
Download episode 77!

You can still order Ultimate Fancy Editions of HE Book 2 AND get your name in the book until I tell you otherwise. Could be a few more days, or longer. Not Sure Yet. There are about 30 left and selling them ALL is super important in order for me to afford the full print run without having to go into the red.

I’m going to finish out the week with Lo-FiJINKS comics so I can focus on some stuff for the book (have you preordered yours yet?).

Personally I really do not care to see Bane in The Dark Knight Rises, but I would love to see Catwoman done well on the big screen. Bruce needs to have a steady “normal” girlfriend who he is trying use to keep himself grounded in the real world, then BAM! Selina Kyle comes along and dickflips his world six ways from Sunday. I love how that particular Batman trope shows the duality of Bruce/Batman. How they are really two different people, which is something we haven’t seen in the Nolan films yet. He’s getting there, but you don’t have true Batman until he’s completely batnipples insane. All of this was perfectly explored in Batman: The Animated Series (which we all know is the best portrayal of Batman in any media).

COMMENTERS: What do you think of the villain choices? What about the actors? Any other characters or stories you would have preferred to see explored? This is probably Bale’s last Batman film. Where should the franchise go from here?

    Of Capes And Cowls

    Preorder HijiNKS ENSUE Book 2!!!READ READ READ READ:
    This is your LAST WEEK to order an Ultimate Fancy Edition of Book 2 AND get your name in the book. Files go to the printer on January 15th. After that you will still be able to order a UFE but you will NOT necessarily be listed in the book on the Fancy Bastard Wall Of Fancy Fame.
    ORDER THAT MOTHER FANCY BOOK, YO!

    Don’t want a stupid book? Check out The HE Store!

    IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: HijiNKS ENSUE is 5 days a week now. Read more HERE.

    “You should come check out my new ride. I call it ‘The Scrambler.’ Oh, and you’re going to love these. Bam! Cape-arangs! Pretty sweet, right Bats?”

    The Cape Spoilers ahead: I watched the first two episodes of The Cape because I feel it’s my job to jump on these sorts of tv-grenades and absorb the initial impact in hopes that more of my fellow geek-kind can be spared the poorly written, campy shrapnel. (Shrampy campnel?)

    In short, The Cape gets everything wrong. It walks too thin a line between “campy superhero shenanigans” and “brooding Dark Kightesque seriousness.” The story, the costumes, the characters and the writing are so silly that any attempts the show makes at drama or real emotion are completely lost. I know many of you enjoy a healthy dose of camp in your super hero shows and The Cape delivers it in spades. It receives a 4.5 on The Greater Xena Scale of Sunday Afternoon TV Silliness. But I have a feeling even you campers out there would take issue with the completely Batmanshit nuts plot of this show.

    Here’s the basic rundown (and a summary of how the whole thing is a complete rip off of Batman Begins): Palm City used to be a nice place, but now it’s full of crime and corruption (just like Gotham). All the cops are dirty except for one, our hero Vince (ie Jim Gordon from BB). There’s a villain called Chess, who has chess pieces for eyes and something something he really likes chess. He’s also the CEO of the corporation that’s taking over the city’s police force. Vince (the lone good cop), takes a job for Chess’s corporation as a private security officer and gets set up by his best friend and Chess to take the fall for Chess’s crimes. He is outed as the villain, and appears to die in an explosion leaving his wife and child behind, but escapes and is rescued by a band of circus freaks lead by Keith David. Turns out they are actually bank robbers and Vince has a magic keycard that opens any bank vault in the city. They rob a bank and everyone, including Vince, is happy about that for some reason.

    Now that they are all friends, Vince decides he needs justice (like Batman), vengence (like Batman) and he needs to be a symbol for good instead of just a man (like Batman, almost verbatim from BB) and Keith David and his merry band of midgets and weirdos are just the bunch to teach him the arts of fighting, acrobatics, illusion, sleight of hand, misdirection, and mind trickery (The League of Shadows and Ras Al’Ghul from BB) to make his transformation to super hero complete. There’s a training montage where he learns to fight with a magic cape that is light but can become rigid (like in BB), how to use smoke bombs to disappear (just like BB), how to hypnotize people and how to wrestle a midget (just like in… wait…). This is all good and well until you realize that it all basically happened over the course of an afternoon or two. He MASTERS hypnotism to the point that he hypnotizes the hypnotoad hypnotist in a few hours. He can use his cape to snatch knives out of hands after maybe 45 minutes of practice. Whatever.

    So with his new costume and arsenal of quickly gained super-abilities he heads out to find this shipment of super explosive that’s being brought into town by Chess. When he gets to the train yard there are shipping crates full of stuffed animals that contain the illicit cargo (just like in BB) and he begins to snatch the baddies one by one into the shadows, totally unseen (EXACTLY LIKE IN BB. IT WAS SERIOUSLY A COMPLETE REMAKE OF THE SHOT FROM BB.) While trying to take down Chess he runs into Orwell (played by Summer Glau) who is a blogger trying to expose the corruption of Chess’s false corporate identity. The first scene between The Cape and Orwell goes something like this. “So you’re a super hero now? That’s cool. Now we’re partners.” Niether party asks any questions of the other. They almost just exchange glances then form a crime-fighting duo. You would think there’d at least be a standard contract to fill out or a 1099 or something.

    The Firefly code forces me to evaluate Glau with more leniency than I would others, but the best I can say is that she does all right with what she is given. And what she is given is pretty shitty. The plot is riddled with holes, the dialog is just plain dumb and the characters have little to no motivation to being doing the completely outrageous things they are doing.

    The Dark Night get the “homage” treatment too. By the end of the second episode Vince’s fake-widow basically becomes the Rachel Daws character from BB and TDK. Also his “taking the fall for someone else’s crimes” echoes Harvey Dent in a not-too-coincidental way AND they introduce a second Jim Gordon/Rachel analog in the guise of “the lone city councilman who will vote against Chess taking over the prisons despite death threats and murder attempts.” There are literally dozens of other close comparisons between The Cape and Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies but to list any more of them here would be to post the entire script for the pilot.

    Verdict: I didn’t hate The Cape, but I won’t be watching it regularly and I can’t give it a recommendation. It is stuck between 90’s era TV camp like M.A.N.T.I.S, VIPER and MUTANT-X and legitimate super hero franchises like Batman Begins/The Dark Knight.

    COMMENTERS: Did you watch The Cape? What did you think? Did I miss anything worth mentioning?

  • If The Cape is really our new hero, then America is doomed
  • Summer Glau wants YOU to design a villain for The Cape

  • What Did You Blu, Ray?

    I’m fairly certain “Batman and Robin” was never actually unleashed on the public in 1080p super-crisp-bat-nipple-ocular-assault format, but the possibility alone is enough to make me wear a welder’s mask at all times. If you are foolish enough to watch “BatNips” please do so through an appropriate Rifftrax filter.

    I honestly thought I would never have to comment on the HD format war again, but in an unprecedented and uncharacteristic display of non-douche behavior, Warner Brothers is letting you trade your Warner HD-DVD’s for their BluRay equivalent. You do have to pay $5 + shipping and send in the paper insert from each disc, but you get to keep your HD-DVD’s. I think it’s WB’s way of saying “we don’t want that busted shit in your house.”

    Warner Bros. is obviously admitting a mistake here. They are apologizing for their unfortunate part in a partisan war that was designed from the ground up to divide the geek population and cause heavy casualties. Given this new found conscience, I would like to formally ask Warners to provide reparations for anyone that purchased any of the following WB items:

    • Metallica’s “St. Anger”
    • Paris Hilton’s Album (I refuse to look up the title, but let’s just assume it’s called “MoneyTitsVagFlash”)
    • Dawson’s Creek on DVD (Why did Joey have to end up with Pasey!? Why didn’t Dawson show her how much she meant to him when he had the chance?!)
    • One Tree Hill on DVD (Why did Chad Michael Murray have to leave Dawson’s Creek!? Why!?)
    • “Comedy” albums by any of the “Blue Collar” dudes… actually, no. I take that back. If you bought these you deserve no mercy. Wallow in the anguish you have created for yourself. Despair for all eternity in loneliness and shame.

    If you have a stack of dusty maroon boxes and want to get nice new shiny blu ones, check out red2blu.com for instructions. I wonder if the other studios like Universal will jump on board with this concept. I wonder if now might be a good time to go pick up a bunch of WB HD-DVD’s for $10 in bargain bins and start trading them in. The whole Harry Potter series? Anyone? I’m just sayin’.

    Do You Like Phil Collins?

    Panel 5 is a naked, blood soaked Joel chasing Eli through a high rise with a chainsaw. I’m sure you know how it ends.

    My man-crush on one Mr. Christian Bale is well documented. I mean you can’t spell Christian Bale without “Christ.” The man can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned. So what if he gets in domestic disturbances with his money grubbing family members and publicly humiliates the D.P. on the set of “Terminator 4? He was Batman. He was also Bateman. Those two roles alone get him a “get out of pretty much anything free forever” card in my book.

    This particular “scandal” is rather interesting. You see, Mr. Bale is very serious about his craft. He chooses his roles very carefully and he takes them very… well, SERIOUSLY. He’s not fucking around. He got down to an emaciated 120 lbs for a movie that no one even saw. He’s dedicated to his art and he’s damn fine at what he does. “The Prestige“? C’mon! That movie was fucking amazing! Anyway, so he’s on the set of “Terminator 4” filming a scene and the D.P. is fiddling with his lights off camera… WHILE THEY’RE FILMING! That’s some amateur bullshit and BatBateBale wasn’t having any of it. He tore the guy a new asshole in front of everyone. You can almost hear him pissing himself on the recording.

    The best part? Bale manages to stay in character for most of his rant. His English accent only starts to slip in towards the middle when he really lets lose on the guy. The second best part about the freak out? You can dance to it.

    (No, this isn’t REALLY news. I’ve been looking for an excuse to do an American Psycho comic for a long time.)

    Do you think Bale went too far? Did the D.P. deserve what he got? Let me know in the comments.