iWish iKnew How To Force Quit You


Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

Time to retire his black turtleneck into the rafters.

I honestly feel that Steve Jobs, and his singular vision for his company, have done more to increase the acceptance of technology by the general public and the integration of that technology into our daily lives that any other single person in the last 50 years. Like his products or hate them [for whatever arbitrary reason] they have consistently strived to make high end, seemingly “magic” devices accessible to technophiles and n00bs alike. Your mom has an iPad. A device that wasn’t even on the horizon 5 years ago. Steve helped bring us [that] much closer to the future, and for that I will always be grateful to him. Not to Apple, but to him directly. Ever since he returned to Apple in the 90’s, Steve’s drive, commitment, integrity and borderline certifiable insanity have directly influenced how we interact with technology. He’s a total nutter, but great men often are. I think you’d be hard pressed to find any one person that REALLY changed the world (for better or worse) that wasn’t at least a little unhinged. Here’s hoping he’s in better health than I expect he is, and that his input will continue to lead to wonderful shiny gadgets for years to come.

I hesitate to speculate on the future of Apple as a whole. Can they stay on the path Steve set them on, or will they falter under new leadership? My friend Bill Barnes of Unshelved and Not Invented Here wrote some nice words about Steve, and my friend Adam Koford drew this subtly touching and ironic (using the literall meaning of the word) cartoon.

COMMENTERS: Is Apple still Apple without Steve? Should it be? Other thoughts on Steve Job’s departure from Apple? [Please no Apple haters or pointless negativity]

Hush My Darling, Don’t Fear My Darling

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

I find myself in this position with Josh IRL more often than I like. That is, the position of him “fixing” my computer to be more to his liking. “YOU AREN’T USING SPACES, THE MOST INFURIATINGLY FRUSTRATING THIS ABOUT OS X?!?! [click click click] THERE! I TURNED IT ON FOR YOU SO THAT I LIKE USING YOUR COMPUTER MORE!” Once, Josh IRL didn’t like the latency on my MIDI keyboard so he “upgraded” my soundcard driver to one that totally reduced the latency by not allowing my computer to boot any more.

I’m still adjusting to OS X Lion, but I did disable reverse scrolling after about 5 minutes. That shit made me feel like I was in the International Space Station. I don’t want my Internet browsing to cause bone loss. I don’t roll like an astronaut.

COMMENTERS: What other gestures are available in OSX LION? What about the one armed reverse awkward hug, or the Captain’s embrace? How about the one finger Ankh – where you draw gender symbology on the trackpad while singing Ace of Base songs? Gimme your best example and what they might accomplish within the OS.

Dallas Fancy Bastards! I am going to be at STRIP: The Dallas Webcomic Expo this Saturday [August 6th] from 10-5pm. It’s only $5 to get in. Come get a book or a sketch. It’s a very low key show and I’ll probably be doing a fun times panel with the dude from Cyanide and Happiness.

I am also going to be attending the Marian Call concert TONIGHT (Tuesday the 2nd) at Poor David’s Pub in Dallas. You should come.

Last thing: My AC died yesterday and living without AC in Texas is not an option. The new unit is costing me $3000. SPOILERS: I don’t have 1 thousand of dollars, let alone 3 of them. If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode.

UPDATE: You wonderful Fancy Bastards have already donated nearly $400 towards the AC repairs. Thank you so very much. I am always speechless at your kindness and generosity.

Genius Barred


Funny T-Shirts, Geeky shirts, Doctor who parody shirts, Team Edward James Olmos shirt, Groverfield Shirt, Sci-Five Star Trek Parody T-Shirt in The HijiNKS ENSUE Store

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon, now that we are all back from Comic-Con.

Today’s comic is a super special crossover event with one of my favorite webcomics, Not Invented Here. See how the action plays out (or refuses to) in THIS bonus Friday NiH comic. Not Invented Here is the brainsplosion of my friends Bill Barnes and Paul Southworth. You may know Bill from his other comic Unshelved (because libraries are funny?) and his incredibly hurtful foreword to my first book. Paul (who normally draws NiH, but if off this week) is the creator of Ugly Hill (one of the first comics I ever did a guest strip for) and Isaac Splode.

Not Invented Here started out as a comic by an ex-programmer for current programmers, but has since evolved beyond its premise (as good comedies often do) into a character driven gag/story about two friends (one of whom is Owen, shown in my comic above) working in an intensely corporate environment. Bill writes the strip based on 30… 50… at least 75 years of experience in the software development world. If you have ever coded, worked with a coder, had a manager that imposes impossible deadlines/milestones, or spent any time at all sitting at a desk for 10+ hours a day firing mental hate-rays at the clock then you really need to check out this strip. If you want to see how the comic normally appears courtesy of Paul’s expert and enviable art style, check out THIS ONE or THIS ONE. Otherwise you should start reading from the beginning and/or pick up their first book, Runtime Error.

Not Invented Here Book - Runtime Error

Bill, I believe this completes my contractual obligation. Now please tell me where my family is.

COMMENTERS: What other products are for sale at the “Apple Store”? What other details, defining characteristics or employee behaviors might be a tip off that something is amiss?



Big Cat

[Posted 6/27/11 ] I’m still a few comics behind. Thanks for your patience. I’m trying desperately to get caught up on comics, while also shotgunning an entire season of Game Of Thrones before my free preview of HBO expires in a few hours. Assuming I am successful I will get to make MORE COMICS about Game of Thrones that I should have made months ago when the show was actually a thing people were talking about.

Given Apple’s new multi-touch interface patent that grants them eminent domain over nearly every obvious and expected feature of the modern smart phone, you have the wonder what their strategy is going to be moving forward. Are they going on the offensive? Will they attack HTC, Samsung and everyone else that dares to have a touch screen device where the screens display colors in the visible spectrum and the icons do not trigger full volume racial epithets when pressed?

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

Or will they simply let every other cell phone company know that they are welcomed to pay a hefty licensing fee for their now infringing features, such as “A phone that can display eBooks which do NOT depict graphic illustrations of cattle autopsies”? As for the bobcats circling outside every Sprint store, the employees will just say, “They must be attracted to our… advanced 4G network. Also you should put on these full body leather falconry suits before going back to your car.”

STORE NEWS: The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is closed for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] In the meantime you can still get shirts from Sharksplode and HE Book 2 from this very site.

INTERVIEWS: I did a really fun interview with Lauren Davis for Gamma Squad, and the full audio of my interview with ABC Australia’s Nerdzilla Podcast is HERE.

COMMENTERS: What else does Apple’s super broad iPhone Interface patent include? “A Method my which poking at stuff on the screen with your crummy fingers results in a desired action”? “A process by which unwanted phone calls from relatives/employers/ex-spouses can be identified and sent directly to voicemail”?


Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt which you can purchase now over at Sharksplode. You can read more about it on Wheaton’s Tumblr and the Sharksplode Blogsplode. Splode. You can also get (almost) all Sharksplode shirt designs in sizes up to 5X as of today.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

PHOENIX COMICON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! I will be there with Kel McDonald at table 241. WHEATON and I may actually have one or two of our Gallifrey University shirts to show you and Wil will (will) have prints of the design at his table to sign for you.

Phoenix Comicon HijiNKS ENSUE

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again any time soon.

The comic schedule is going into “Convention Panic” mode. I hope this isn’t the last comic of the week, but it might be. I will be leaving for Phoenix tomorrow, getting back Monday afternoon then leaving again on Thursday for Heroes Con in Charlotte, NC. I’ll be taking that week off (despite working/travelling/conventioning all week) for my 30th Birthday. I have some great guest comics lined up that I am positive you will enjoy.

COMMENTERS: How else might Josh teach his soon-to-be-abandoned gadgets the harsh realities of the world?