The Hobo Code of Honor

If the man yer dealin’ with asks for an activated iPhone, he’s gettin’ an ACTIVATED iPhone. A hobo’s word is his bond. So is his switchblade. Wait, that’s a crappy code. I think it’s, “A hobo is only as good as his word, and his word is only as good as his stabbing ability.” No, it’s definitely, “A hobo stabs first and stabs questions later.”

Looks like Apple had some trouble activating all those new iPhone 3G’s and ended up sending people home with iBricks. “Thanks for 7 hours in line, $200 and a 2 year commitment! Here’s a thing that doesn’t work!”

You old school Fancy Bastards may remember “Apple Store Guy” from the EXTREMELY short lived Mac-themed comic I did for Apple Insider.

On a related note, THIS is my favorite comic about Hoboes who are also cats.

OMFGGG

That’s right. Boxcar M-F’ing Pete. I need to see about getting him on the Podcast.

I toyed with the idea of unlocking my current iPhone and eBaying it to some far away land where they aren’t actually available so I could afford an iPhone 3G. Then I started seeing reviews and articles saying, “The 3G data is pretty cool, but what you really want is the 2.0 firmware! It’s like a robot with laser tits!” Since my iPhone can have said tit-bot firmware for free, I’ve opted to postpone any possible upgrade scenario for now.

I updated iTunes and downloaded the 2.0 firmware (a day early since I’m such a cheeky monkey), and got my App Store on. I grabbed some of the free apps that looked useful (Twitterific, AIM, a flashlight thing, and Remote). Remote is an app from Apple that let’s you control your iTunes through your phone. I don’t want to go into a long review, but it’s freaking awesome. You can browse your entire lib(r)ary, view album art, etc from your phone. The communication was almost instant. I have bluetooth turned off, so I assume it uses WiFi or dark wizardry.

My advice: hold on to your original iPhone for now (or, if you never bought one in the first place, pick one up used from a jumpy upgrader sans contract). Wait for a significant update, like 32 or 64 gb’s. The apps really do make this a new device with a lot more potential. I want to buy Band, but I’m waiting for Josh to be my guinea pig.

UPDATE: They’ve already cracked the new firmware. 

A Fistful of Joshes

Josh: did you watch the wwdc feed?
Joel: nah
Joel: i read it all
Josh: i’m watching the video of all the 3rd party apps
Joel: my iphone is worth negative nothing
Josh: some neat stuff
Josh: i’ll probably get monkey ball
Josh: because that game is pure fun
Joel: get band
Joel: are you getting the phone?
Josh: are you high?
Joel: hahahahahah
Josh: exactly
Josh: and they’re only half the price
Joel: seems like a marginal upgrdae
Josh: so i can buy 2

I predict about 2 million original iPhones hitting eBay and Craigslist in a couple of weeks. Anyone want to buy a 1st gen iPhone, previously owned by “THE Joel Watson?” What about “THE Joel Watson’s” wife?” She’s semi-internet famous by association.

I keep calling them “Pie Star”

I know this wasn’t a major news story (even within the realm of the internet), but I found it very funny that a whole company, Psystar,  sprung up to legitimately sell “hackintosh” computers, The Open Mac/Computer, when the act of doing so violates Apple’s terms of service and is basically illegal. (note: making your own hackintosh isn’t really illegal. Selling them mostly is.)

Engadget has been chronicling the sadness of Psystar (psadness?), even going as far as to call the owner of Psystar to personally understand the shadiness there in.

The reason Steve won’t let other companies develop hardware for OS X to run on, is he wants to control every aspect of the Mac experience. He wants to know that while you are looking at OS X, you are looking at it on a Steve-approved LCD, and typing on Steve-approved keys, etc etc. The existence of the Mac Mini would seem to negate this theory, but I know that’s how he thinks. He at least wants the box housing the motherboard to have Steve-approved prettiness.

What does any of this have to do with 4th grade super hero creations? Nothing. The name “Psystar” just sounds like something me and my best friend in 4th grade, John Kienhoff, would have come up with.

Here are a few other of our grade 4 creations:

  • Jack Thunder – Spectral detective with a trench coat, giant hat and a Colt .45. Pretty sure he was a ghost.
  • The Cyber Knights – Knights that were also cyborgs. We couldn’t figure of they were from the future or the past, but they were fun to draw.
  • Sage – He knew everything… and was also your basic super hero with strength and flight and such.
  • Stab – A guy that only used knives. I never got around to drawing him, but I always liked the idea. The villain has a huge gun and he takes him down with just knives. Kick ass.
  • I also made a parody comic called “The Z-Men.” The team included “Cry-Clops,” “Collopsided,” “Night Faller” and “Wormerine.” I’ll let your imagination do the legwork.

Any super hero that a 10 year old dreams up has basically unlimited power, no weaknesses and an impossible anatomy that would make Rob Liefeld look like Michelangelo. Oh, and a cape. Always a cape. I should dig up those drawings (I have them all) and put them in the back of the first HE book.

Any Fancy Bastards out there create equally shitty comic book super heroes as a child?

MACaveli

Alternate Title: “Bob has bitch tats

The Zune Guy has asked Microsoft for permission to change his name to “Microsoft Zune.” I hope they respond by murdering him with tanks.I know it’s a little late in the game to be hating on the Zune (and a little too easy), but this douchepipe is somehow excited enough about a second rate music player with a patronizing and pathetic marketing campaign that he forever ruined his flesh and is attempting to do the same with his name.

The Zune is the “me too” of the iPod generation. If you have one and love it, great. Hold on to that feeling. It’s not the player I hate. It’s the manufactured cool that they so desperately tried to perfect. M$ tries to force cool with indie kids in the ads, and slogans like “welcome to the social.” Welcome indeed. Seeing people buy the Zune when it first came out and desperately try and find this “social” they had heard so much about reminded me of when I was 9 and I got a Laser Tag set for X-Mas. Only I was the only kid with Laser Tag that I knew and it only came with one gun. So imagine 9 year old me sitting on the floor, weeping and shooting myself in the chest with a Laser Tag gun. “The Social” is exactly that pathetic. More so, since I eventually got a Laser Tag Robot (not kidding at all) that shot back at me. “Here, kid. Have a robot instead of a friend.” Sounds bad, but there’s certainly no Zune robot that lets you trade music with it via wifi when none of your real friends have Zunes. If there was, I’m sure it would be a nice shade of turd brown.

The iPod’s at the time were white and black. White like the smiling face of angels and black like the glassy ocean at midnight. The Zune is the color of your dinner when you see it for the second time. Maybe that’s it. They wanted it to be familiar. Like shit. Everyone shits, so everyone will identify with it.  WELCOME TO THE FECAL!

UPDATE (from the comments)

As a device I have NO problem with the Zune. Its the artificial “social” aspect of it that MS tried to force. Apple puts the iPod out there and lets the users make it cool (even if that was their gimmick all along, it was subtle). MS is like, “here’s our MP3 Player, also it makes you cool and have friends and everyone wants one and you should have Zune clubs and make out parties!”

You know MS executives sit around conference tables trying to figure out the formula for “hip.” So far they haven’t cracked the code.