The 1984rity Report

Bill Barnes tweeted a… tweet twat that gave me the idea for this comic.

billba Super annoying because there are 1680 & 1920 15″ screens out there. 1440 isn’t very “Pro” to we graphics professionals.

He has a point. Another point is that after seeing the new Macbooks/ Macbooks Pro I hate my 1st gen Macbook Pro and want a new one. Another another point is that it will always be this way because Apple is in the business of constantly one upping themselves hardware-wise in terms of performance and coolness. That’s just the nature of the brushed aluminum beast.

I will say that I really do prefer my matte screen to the glassy shiny ones. I will most likely buy another Apple laptop between now and the end of time, so I guess I’ll have to adapt.

The fervor that Apple invokes from it’s flock (myself included) tends to make one feel guilty when criticizing their products. As if I somehow don’t have the right to dislike a choice they’ve made. That’s class-A zombification there. It makes me joyfully sad to admit that.

There’s going to be a part 2 to this comic on Friday. We’ll see where the nice men in black turtle necks take Joel and what they do to him there. Should be fun.

I Am iRon Man


Turns out it may have been an attempt to sabotage Apple’s stock (AAPL) prices. The perpetrator is potentially facing prison time. So if CNN picks up this comic and thinks it’s real, am I going to Federal Pound You In The Ass Prison (FPYITAP)?

In other Apple news, there’s been a rumor of a new Apple product called “The Brick” netting around the trons for a few weeks. Now it looks like “brick” may refer to a brick of solid billet aluminum, out of which the new Macbooks and Macbooks Pro will be machined out of using water jets and lasers. Sounds cool and all, but nothing earth shattering.

Assuming Eli and Steve did get to work on an iRon Man suit, I imagine it would have no visible seems, be incredibly light, have sub par battery life, radiate at about 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit and provide absolutely no protection against machine guns or tank shells. I can also assure you it would be beautiful and Eli would be fired about 3 months into the process for “not getting the vision!”

I suppose I should also mention that Iron Man is the best selling Blu Ray of all time. So many people bought it, in fact, that they shut down Sony’s BD-Live servers. I’ve decided I’m never going to buy a Blu Ray. I’m going to wait until the players are incredibly cheap, then Netflix them until they are completely replaced by digital content distribution.

Eli is going to Chicago this week (all week). If you know of anything he should make sure to visit, experience or a great place to take photos, feel free to post it in the comments. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Maybe some Chicago FB’s want to buy him a beer?

The WarranTards!

Microsoft once again has their alchemists hard at work trying to decipher the formula for “Apple Cool” and distill it into a easily replicable process. Let’s look at their last 3 “cool” efforts:

Windows “Mojave”: “Hey! Did you hear how shitty Vista was? You did? Well check this out! You like it? Oh really? THIS IS VISTA YOU IDIOT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHFUCKYOU!”

Gates and Seinfelddoing things: “Hey, you’re Bill Gates.” “Hey, you’re Jerry Feingold.” “It’s Seinfeld… You wanna buy some expensive shoes?” “Sure” (together)”VISTA!”

Now take out the part where they say “Vista.” That’s the campaign. They aren’t selling anything but confusion.

Microsoft Gurus: Well this hasn’t really started yet, but I assume it will go something like, “I want to buy a PC.” “Great! You know it has Windows Vista. Let me extoll the virtues of Vista to you… the Visturtues, if you will.” “Yeah, that’s cool… I’m going to buy a Mac. You guys sell those too right?

Now, I realize this comic isn’t actually about MS Gurus, but it did give me an opportunity to show you Best Buy through my eyes. I went with Josh to buy a camera at Best Buy a while back and they were seriously trying to sell him a replacement plan that didn’t cover anything beyond the manufacturers warranty. When I pointed that out the WarranTard in question died a little inside and finished ringing us up.