A Man, A Plan, A Hobo, Bob. Oh! Anal Panama!

Alternate Title: A Man, A Plan, A Tramp Mart. Anal! Panama! 

We now resume Eli’s previously scheduled adventure in continuity. Looks like he’s out for hobo vengeance. The kind where you seek vengeance on a hobo for his or her misdeeds. Not the kind where an actual hobo steals your shoes as retribution because you “accidentally” spilled his can’o beans.

I hope you’re liking the mini story arcs so far. I think I’m still finding my footing, but I’ve been getting a lot of nice feedback at conventions and I’m really enjoying the process. It’s more fun to write when you can expand an idea past 3 lonely panels.

Sokath, His Eyes Uncovered!

George R.R. You Done Yet? Shirt, A Game Of Thrones Parody Funny Shirt George R.R. Martin

New shirt at Sharksplode! George R. R. You Done Yet? It’s nearly winter! 

A helicopter crash? That’s it? That’s what Eli has been nonstop drank-facing about for weeks? Sounds like somebody can’t hold his horrific near death traumas. Oh, does baby need a toxic level of alcohol in his system to repress the memories of falling from the sky in a 10 ton exploding murder cage with multiple rotating death blades? Here, baby. Let me put that booze in an itty-witty bottle for baby. Baby. Dumb, stupid baby had himself a psychotic break. Dumb baby.

Things for you to know about, look at and do:

The first HE iBook/eBook type thing is nearly done. Just adding in the extras and writing up the intro. You can see the cover and get more info here.

The FB FB’s (Facebooked Fancy Bastards) seem to be enjoying the HE Fancy Bastard Facebook Group. Come join us for nerdy discussions without all that Internet meanness and pointless arguing.

I’ve been reposting all of the previously locked content from The HijiNKS ENSUE Vault over in my Tumblr under “The Vault Redux.”

Fans of The Experiment: My wife and I are embarking upon a second experiment. She is starting a photo restoration and photo retouching business. You can see her website HERE. Please feel free to pass her URL along to anyone you know that might need damaged photo repaircosmetic touch ups in photosremoving someone from a photoadding someone to a photocolor correcting a pictureblack and white / color effects or photo colorization, or just general Photoshop image manipulation.

COMMENTERS: The title for this comic comes from one of my favorite episodes of Star Trek: TNG called “Darmok” about a species that speaks only in colloquial metaphor based on knowledge of their shared history and mythology. Assume some great cataclysm befalls humanity and in 500 years we’re all speaking metaphorese based on geek pop culture. Please come up with some common phrases and their translation or usage. For example: “The Dude, his rug pissed on,” to convey a feeling of indignation or injustice. Or “Bill and Ted at the battle of the bands,” to convey a most triumphant, non-heinous moment of… triumph (meeeedly meeeedly squeeeedly reeewwwrrrr!). Bonus points if you can come up with an entire conversation without explaining it. 

This Is A Safe Place

George R.R. You Done Yet? Shirt, A Game Of Thrones Parody Funny Shirt George R.R. Martin

Sometimes you have let the one’s you love know how their path to self destruction is really inconveniencing you. Other times you have to say, “F-Balls to that!” and go grind your man-bits (Tim Bits if you’re Canadian) right into another man’s pants-parts while the sweet sounds of oontz-oontz-oontz rhythmically lull you into the waiting appendages of anonymous club sex. You know how it goes.

I’m not entirely sure Eli actually needs an intervention. I suspect something much more sinister is behind his recent constant drankishness. Or maybe he’s an alcoholic. I guess we’ll see.

Oh, and Oreo? You didn’t have to do anything to make me love you more than all other cookies, but it’s nice that you tried.

The initial Preorder for the Lil’ Wil Wheaton plushie ends on 6/30/12. If you definitely want one before the holidays, NOW is the time to order.

The first HE iBook/eBook is nearly done. You can see the cover HERE. Donation subscribers will get it for free. Everyone else will be able to get it for a pay-what-you-like donation.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever intervened for a friend or family member on a NON-life threatening problem? Ever gotten up the courage to tell a room mate they needed to bathe more often, or that eating nothing but Romen noodles was going to kill them? I guess that IS life-threatening. I once flat out told a guy (friend of a friend, but not MY friend) that he couldn’t come into our apartment any more because he reeked so terribly if cigarettes that it made my eyes water and and my allergies go nuts. He remained not my friend from that day forth.

The Harsh Light Of Day

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale IS NOW HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or horrible spacesuit sweater!

Wil Wheaton Plushie from HijiNKS ENSUE, Wil Wheaton Plush toy doll

Check out the Serenity/Star Wars themed art I did for the Edmonton, Alberta “Can’t Stop The Serenity” charity Auction. If you’re going to the event, it could be yours.

I don’t even know what to believe any more. No one seems the like Prometheus. The warmest review I’ve heard from a trusted geek source is “I enjoyed it well enough, but there were some MAJOR problems.” I’ve so been looking forward to this movie for months, and now I don’t even know if I want to see it in theaters or wait for home video. It seemed like it had everything the perfect ME movie should have. Spaceships, robots, space, creepy robots, a lady, aliens, space murder, convulsing, space suits, cryo-sleep, a thing trying to kill everyone, space accents… quite literally EVERYTHING I look for in a movie. Now I’m hearing about character problems and a story that doesn’t quite come together. I really hope this is another Avatar situation, where I LOVE it and all the haters can go suck on a plasma exhaust port.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to give you TOTALLY SPOILER FREE thoughts on Prometheus in the comments. Rest assured that, despite my warning, I will probably read none of them until after I see the movie. I’m still holding out hope.

A Wise Man Once Said

Continuity resumes and ambles slightly forward! I guess Joel let the EFE in, preventing him from erupting in an ocean of blood. Oh well. Maybe next time. I was REALLY looking forward to a blood ocean. I would even settle for a river of bile or a kiddie pool full of spinal fluid.

This coming Sunday (June 3rd) is my birthday. I will be 31 which is older than I have ever been. A few people asked over Twitter, so I will take this opportunity to point you towards my Amazon Wishlist and donations page. Or why not buy yourself something for my birthday from the HE Store. It’ll be like we both get a present. You’ll get something thoughtful that really speaks to your personality and individuality and I’ll get cash. It’ll be like you’re the aunt I only see once a year who has no idea what I’m into (I like Ninja Turtles, Aunt JoAnne! Is that so fucking hard to remember!?).

At Phoenix Comicon last weekend, Wil and I (along with Blind Ferret) debuted the prototype of the Wil Wheaton plushie we’ve been working on for about a year. The preorder should start next week, so keep and eye out and get ready to spread the word.

The Wil Wheaton Plushie Plush Doll from HijiNKS ENSUE

HEY! I started a Facebook group for Fancy Bastards to share ideas, get support and be a community of geeks and weirdos. Godspeed, You Fancy Bastards!

COMMENTERS: Please take any sage expression, bit of aged wisdom or common sense advice and reinterpret it as an inebriated Eli might do.