A Drinkin’ Song

PORTA JOHN SMITH” SHIRTS ARE UP AT SHARKSPLODE!!!

sharlsplode-porta-john-smith-ad

The big giant mega blowout HE Store sale is over, and we are putting the final touches on the new HE store which will soon live HERE. Big thanks to everyone that supported the blowout sale and my apologies to anyone that had to pay unusually high shipping prices. Unfortunately that problem wasn’t sorted out before the sale ended.

Pacman Necklace on Etsy

PACMAN NECKLACE! WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA-WAKA…

Yesterday was my wife’s birthday. Celebrate it by buying yourself a present from her Etsy store “Science and Fiction.” Check out her her latest geeky creation, a Pacman inspired necklace!

Alternate titles for this comic: “Face Down, Ass Up,” “Bound For The Floor” and “Hello Linoleum, My Old Friend.”

I used to work for a landscape company as a book keeper. I was 19 years old, I knew nothing about landscaping and even less about book keeping, but I interviewed extremely well. In fact, I’ve landed essentially every job I’ve ever interview for. Perhaps THAT should have been my job. Getting jobs. At the landscape company I worked for a tiny little man with an ENORMOUS chip on his shoulder regarding his tiny little stature. He was a temperamental little sprite and he took great joy out of bossing around his large, tall, somewhat slow-witted business partner. They had a very “George and Lenny” vibe going on. “The best laid sod of mice and men…” and what not. This little, angry dude also had a sign hung next to his desk and over his mini fridge that said “NO BEER UNTIL 5pm!” Guess what the mini fridge was full of.  Day-drunk for him was apparently both a constant struggle and a way of life.

My only real experience with that early afternoon temptress, Lady Day-drunk, comes from comic conventions. It’s much easier to get through 10 hours a day at a slow convention when a reader brings you a tiny bottle of rum and you’ve sold just enough merch to afford a $9 Coke from the concession stand. Day-drunk is the Universes way of saying, “Let’s go ahead and put a stop to this crappy day before it even happens.”

COMMENTERS: What are your best and worst experiences with being (or being around someone who is) day-drunk? Was it at a festival, a funeral, at work or at home because you’re an adult, god dammit, and no one’s going to tell you 11am isn’t wine o’clock!

Comments (40)

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seriously's avatar

seriously · 90 weeks ago

Funnily enough one morning after Christmas we wanted pancakes but realized we’d used it all making eggnog the night before.

Turns out eggnog loaded with bourbon + pancake mix = surprisingly good pancakes. And gets you slightly tipsy.

You can substitute Egg Nog for any ingredient in any recipe and it will usually improve the situation. That’s just science .
This may be my favorite ever HE storyline. You’re on a roll, Joel.

1 reply · active 90 weeks ago

Hey thanks! I’m having fun.
Annie B's avatar

Annie B · 90 weeks ago

I must say I really like the new tangent. Before, I would skip a few comics when my RSS were too full (900+ posts is way too much to go through without marking a few categories as read), but now I make a point of reading your comic every day. Good job!

1 reply · active 90 weeks ago

Mission accomplished. Thanks!
Michael Corley's avatar

Michael Corley · 90 weeks ago

Beernana is going to be the drink of the next spring break!
Wesley's avatar

Wesley · 90 weeks ago

Best day-drunk.. can’t remember. It’s great just spending the day with friends or on a festival having fun and drinking.

Not-so-great were the burn-out days. Being by yourself, avoiding everyone because everything felt like stress and getting drunk to feel better.. except you don’t. You feel worse. It didn’t happen every day, but it was darn-well rotten not being able to cope, feeling frustrated and being too drunk to finish a damn thought.

first thought: man Hijinks Eli gets drunk alot, second thought: IRL Eli would have Wolverine’s healing powers then if he drank that much lol

2 replies · active 90 weeks ago

Well, A LOT of comics so far only relates to getting drunk ONCE in actual time. It’s all relative.
mist's avatar

mist · 90 weeks ago

Well technically if he gets drunk once early on, and stays topped up, that also counts as “only once” 🙂 (con rules.)
PokeyPuppy's avatar

PokeyPuppy · 90 weeks ago

I am the most boring person alive – haven’t been drunk, let alone day-drunk, in years. But when everyone around me is getting stupid-drunk, the last thing I want is to be mentally impaired!

2 replies · active 90 weeks ago

Trish's avatar

Trish · 90 weeks ago

Weird, cuz that’s exactly when I feel the need to be drunk. Drunk people are a lot easier to tolerate when you’re impaired.
Judy R. Wilder's avatar

Judy R. Wilder · 90 weeks ago

It is good to know someone is thinking with a clear head. My biological father and Step father were both alcoholics and even though they were good men, the drinking kept them from reaching their full potential. They both died young.

A lot of people drink beer and it is the beverage of choice in many countries. I guess what I am saying is that getting plastered isn’t a solution for anything. I feel it is wrong to make people, mostly minors, think getting drunk is away to wind down or forget their troubles. It is only my opinion and I am just an ancient flower child trying to share a “little” wisdom.

Day-drunk of the living dead?
Bron's avatar

Bron · 90 weeks ago

I’ve always vaguely enjoyed getting sloshed during the day (when not working that day obviously) its especially nice in the summer. I especially like going out for lunch and having a drink and a chat in the pub until dinner and then maybe going to the club afterwards to play darts or some such. When I was in university we used to do that at least once a fortnight sometimes twice a week (we had Wednesday afternoons off you see, I think we were supposed to be doing sport or some other similar nonsense). We once worked out we drank about 200-300 units of alcohol between the 5 of us per session, I’m surprised we didn’t die of liver failure.

I had great difficulty with a co-worker once who turned up drunk to work a lot (or was suspected to be doing so, she became erratic after breaks) but no one could work out where she was getting alcohol from. We noticed she always smelled overwhelmingly of cheap floral perfume, turned out she was drinking the stuff, jolly strange way to go about things I must say.

zathael's avatar

zathael · 90 weeks ago

actually, there are three more legitimate claims. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Christophe,_Pri…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Alphonse,_Duke…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_d%27Orl%C3%A9a…

The first is the direct descendant of Napolean, the other two of House Bourbon by way of two different family branches.

lou's avatar

lou · 90 weeks ago

Now I have to find out just how much territory the Hapsburgs ruled! My parents visited their old palace in Vienna, Austria, and learned they basically ruled all of Europe, but Mexico too?!
The closest I have to that drinking in class story is when I had to take an American Studies course when I went to SJSU, and we had our last regular meeting before finals in the Gordon-Bierscht microbrewery in San Jose. There we were, giving presentations on various topics, while drinking different types of GB’s original brews!
Mitch H.'s avatar

Mitch H. · 90 weeks ago

Philip II (he of the Spanish Armada, widower of England’s Mary I, aka “Bloody Mary”) ruled about a third to two-fifths of the world in the early 1580s after inheriting the Portuguese throne, although his wars with his rebellious Dutch subjects and former English subjects had already started dismantling the Portuguese empire in the East Indies, and Spanish dominion in the West Indies.

And the professor was an idiot. The colony of Tejas was under a Hapsburg king for maybe fifteen years before the Bourbon succession. And the Austrian branch of the family *never* had a claim on the Spanish possessions in the New World.

lou's avatar

lou · 89 weeks ago

Portuguese? Philip II was King of Spain
Bear's avatar

Bear · 90 weeks ago

Woke up around noon on a Saturday, opened the fridge, saw a beer, and thought, “Why not?”. Skip ahead ALL THE BEERS later to me waking up laying on the dog bed in the dark and thinking, “I don’t remember going to bed here last night.” I checked my phone and saw that it was 8 o’clock… in the evening. I’d managed to drink myself onto the floor in a few hours and “nap” the day away.
I have 2 stories.

The first is from college.

My room mate and I picked up a bunch of little packets of slushy mix that Kool-Aid made. i don’t think they’re made anymore, sadly. We’d mix them with vodka and freeze them in solo cups and then wander around campus eating boozy slushy and nobody knew. NOBODY KNEW. Stealth drank.

The second involves breakfast.

I made some absolutely incredible bread pudding, studded with orange and bourbon soaked raisins, with an amazing bourbon sauce that was… very, very strong. So my parents came over and I made scrambled eggs and bacon and this intensely fantastic bread pudding and coffee and we all got breakfast tipsy off the bourbon sauce.

Emmy's avatar

Emmy · 90 weeks ago

There is a horse race in Australia called the Melbourne Cup, AKA ‘the race that stops a nation’. It’s held on a Tuesday, around lunchtime. Almost every office stops for the race and there’s sandwiches and champers or beer. I learnt early on not to send emails after Melbourne Cup Lunch – there is a risk that you’ll piss off soemone who you really don’t want to piss off.

1 reply · active 90 weeks ago

 beer o'clock 's avatar

beer o’clock · 90 weeks ago

II can’t count the number of times I’ve been day drunk! I’d have to say my favorite is water parks and theme parks. We would carefully unscrew lids off water bottles so that little ring would stay attached to the cap and pour in any clear Booz we wanted then re-seal them. Most parks let you take in water and not much else so we took full advantage of their naiveté.
There’s never a bad time to have a drink.
Hey, It’s gotta be Noon somewhere right? 😛
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2 · 90 weeks ago

Once in college a buddy and I mixed up 3/4 of a gallon of strawberry daiquiri and took it to afternoon classes to share with our fellow students. After three classes I know we were definitely feeling a good buzz–buddy swore I was day drunk but I didn’t think so.
Aetheling's avatar

Aetheling · 90 weeks ago

Last year, me and a friend mixed up White Russian and put it over cereal (Cinnamon Grahams, to be precise) to go to an 9AM lecture with breakfast after a heavy night of drunken Risk. The lecturer didn’t realise that the milk in the tupperwares…wasn’t.
Then we went home and did it again, until about three in the afternoon, when we both passed out.
Holly's avatar

Holly · 90 weeks ago

Everyone’s favorite: the Office Christmas Party. Except I was working in a theater, and the party started at 11am. We drank during the “awards ceremony” at the theater, drank in a party bus on the way to a restaurant/arcade, drank while playing ski ball and Pacman, then drank in the party bus on the way back to work. Best. Party. Ever. One of the accountants had to call his son to pick him up from work.
The only downside: being a theater the real work actually started at 5pm. I’m pretty sure I didn’t sober up until intermission.
Runcibletune's avatar

Runcibletune · 90 weeks ago

While I have no day-drunk stories to relate, I want to say that I think this is one of your finest comics, Joel. Something about the pacing of the puns, juxtaposed against the way you’ve drawn Eli on the floor… it’s still making me chuckle just thinking about it!

1 reply · active 89 weeks ago

That’s very kind. Thanks!

Strange Brew

I will be at Fan Expo Canada in Toronto this weekend with Blind Ferret and Randy Milholland of of Something*Positive. I will be at booth #844. More info HERE.

I’m leaving for the airport in 5 hours. Perhaps I should pretend to sleep between now and then.

COMMENTERS: What’s the weirdest flavored alcohol or other drink have you ever tried? What drink concoctions were you certain would work, but ultimately failed? Which were the tastiest?

According to my friend, David, you cannot mix V-8 juice and vodka to make some sort of bastardized health conscious bloody Mary. I once, for lack of heavy half and half, mixed vodka, Kahlua and eggnog to make a holiday themed White Russian I called a St. Petersburg Christmas. I later found out I was not the first person to “invent” this drink, but that didn’t make it any less delicious.

ANOTHER THING! 

Check out these Tetris earrings my wife made! 

Tetris Earings!

 

Comments (56)

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Greg's avatar

Greg · 95 weeks ago

Can your wife do Sugar Crush jewellery? My wife is addicted to that game.
Half Pineapple juice, half vodka….we called it “boat gas”. I seem to remember drinking it out of a jerrycan.

Crown Royal and root beer. A bit too sweet for most, but I like it.

2 replies · active 95 weeks ago

bix's avatar

bix · 95 weeks ago

You can make a “pineapple upside down cake” with cake-flavoured vodka, pineapple juice, and some club soda — one of the most delicious drinks I’ve ever had.
I just love the name. I’d drink anything you called “boat gas.”
Manhattans made with Southern Comfort. Awful!
Dan's avatar

Dan · 95 weeks ago

My friends and I found an internet recipe for Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters. It was 16 ounces of alcohol and 2 ounces of Gatorade (I assume you’re supposed to use lemon Gatorade, for the twist of lemon). It’s bad. It was like doing a terrible, terrible tequila shot (the Jose Cuervo overwhelmed all other flavours despite being only 25% of the alcohol) and knowing that you have 17 more terrible shots left to go. It is the worst thing we’ve ever done. Twice. And there’s talk of round three.
Waldon Best's avatar

Waldon Best · 95 weeks ago

Whiskey and diet iced tea. Worst mistake of my life, right above bear hunting wearing my steak meat necklace.
Crotalus's avatar

Crotalus · 95 weeks ago

Mix 1 shot Jagermeister, 1 shot Barenjager or Krupnik, and 1 12oz. can of Moxie. I call it a Jagermonster. (apologies to Phil & Kaja Foglio).
And now I have Cream’s “Strange Brew” stuck in my head without having to get the CD out. This will keep me placated for a few hours. Thanks Joel 🙂
To your question: The Molotov Cocktail – 3/4 of a shot of vodka, 1/4 shot of Frank’s Extra Red Hot, Three dashes of Frostbite hot sauce (flavorless but burns like crazy) and garnished with Morton’s Hot Salt. You feel it going down, and then feel it about 2 days later, screaming out of you like a cruise missile.

I also had a college friend who would do a “Chumbawamba” – in a large mug, a bottle of lager, a bottle of cider (his usual was Woodchuck Granny Smith), 2 shots of vodka and 2 shots of whiskey.

Ali's avatar

Ali · 95 weeks ago

Root beer and Bailey’s.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

One time I was tricked into drinking rootbeer and whipped cream vodka.
jake's avatar

jake · 95 weeks ago

This isn’t about a drink per se, but my sister lived in Wisconsin for a while and at one point brought back alcohol laced whipped cream for one of her family visits. Now mind you, we live in the glorious vice-hating state of Pennsylvania, and as we are all puritans we have the country’s largest monopoly in the form of the Liquor Control Board (PLCV). Suffices to say that the concept of alcohol laced whipped cream probably keeps the chairman of the PLCB up at night in a cold sweat. Regrettably, after having tried it I decided that there was a very good reason the chairman banned it from our halls of sin. It had the consistency of shaving cream, the aroma of cake vodka and dispensed with a combustible cloud of everclear and rubbing alcohol. Incidentally, one should probably not trust a “cream” product that has (in very large lettering) DO NOT REFRIGERATE on the container.

Live, learn, move on to other booze.

dustwindbun's avatar

dustwindbun · 95 weeks ago

My sorority threw a party one time. We were a small service group, so it was all bring your own, and they had juice and pop to mix. So, I grabbed what I had on hand, being a nerd who had only just turned 21 and didn’t do any underage drinking, which was amaretto, cherry Pucker, and creme de cassis (I was a French major). Long story short, we ended up with a brown ominous-looking drink we named The Sludge: amaretto, cherry Pucker, orange juice, and Sprite (we were too scared to put in the cassis at that point). It was, surprisingly, a lot better than it looked. Kind of like an amaretto stone sour with grenadine added for extra sweetness. Though I don’t think I’d make it on purpose again.

Oh btw, Mike, above, with the “boat gas” – that, or swap out rum for vodka, is my mom’s favorite drink to make at home, because it’s simple and pineappley. Sometimes we throw some cranberry juice on top.

James's avatar

James · 95 weeks ago

There’s a scene in “The Room” where Lisa and Johnny drink a half scotch, half vodka cocktail that my friends and I call the Tommy Wisseau. It is really bad.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

The toast should be, “Oh hi, Mark!”
{CB}Marsupial Vomit's avatar

{CB}Marsupial Vomit · 95 weeks ago

We used to drink Kentucky Panzers
It’s like a Jack and Coke, but we used A&W Root Beer and Jim Beam, with a dash of root beer schnapps.
It didn’t taste like alcohol. Nor did it feel like it until you got through the third or fourth one, and it ran you over like a tank.
Sonia's avatar

Sonia · 95 weeks ago

I did not invent this but it’s Rum and rootbeer…they call it a Rumbeer and it’s surprisingly good

3 replies · active 94 weeks ago

Try a Dark and Stormy. Rum and Ginger Beer. Or was it gin? Either way it was delicious.
Aetheling's avatar

Aetheling · 95 weeks ago

It’s ginger beer, and they are fantastic. And I hate rum!
Crotalus's avatar

Crotalus · 94 weeks ago

Rum
Dan's avatar

Dan · 95 weeks ago

We here in Canada have clearly gone crazy for flavoured vodkas. Cake vodka is awesome and delicious, but I learned the hard way that you can never, ever mix the vodkas. Cake vodka and whipped cream vodka will just cancel each other out, and the shot just tastes like vodka.

What I really like is the Mass Effect tribute cocktail, the Keelah Se’Lemonade. Vodka, Parfait Amour, Mandarin Liqueur (or equivalent, I use Golden Pear), lemonade to fill. Tasty.

Liam's avatar

Liam · 95 weeks ago

I have mixed root beer and butterscotch schnapps together and I’ve also mixed sweet tea and malt liquor together.
Mitch's avatar

Mitch · 95 weeks ago

I’m not sure this qualifies, but in my youth I would mix copious amounts of Hershey’s chocolate syrup with Mountain Dew.

I found it delicious, but haven’t been brave enough to try it again.

MrPlow99's avatar

MrPlow99 · 95 weeks ago

There’s a drink that friends of mine make called “Skip And Go Naked.” It consists of:
– bottle of cheap vodka
– 30-pack of Keystone Light
– Country Time pink lemonade mix

It sounds terrible, but it’s surprisingly not half bad.

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59 · 95 weeks ago

Back in 1979, the fast-attack sub I was assigned to went on out to wait in the Gulf if Oman while the politicians decided what not to do about the hostages held in Tehran. While we were out bobbing along with the seagulls, one of our chiefs decided to try out his new wine-making kit. He made wine with cherry juice, apple juice, cranberry juice, and kept sending the results of his experiments back to engineering. After three days, the entire nuclear plant operations crew (except the engineer, one Mormon engineman, and a hardcore Evangelist junior officer) were sloshed. Then the experiments got weird. First, Steely Adam notwithstanding, grapefruit wine is a bad idea. Pineapple juice wine is even worse (I swear you could watch it eating through ceramic mugs.

The worst, however, was bug juice wine. Bug juice is some generic brand of sweetened Kool-aid knockoff–lime flavored (well, green food coloring-flavored anyway). The four poor bastards who drank the bug juice wine were drunk for three more days, and had to have their stomachs pumped.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

You lived BSG. That’s fucking fantastic.
Jeff W.'s avatar

Jeff W. · 95 weeks ago

Two flavored beers that I tried this year Redd’s Apple Ale and Bud Light Lime Straw-Ber-Rita were two of the worst concoctions I have ever had.

I tried the Ber-Rita at a restaurant, because I have a great recipe for a beer based margarita and I love Pete’s Strawberry Blonde, so what could go wrong?

Since I had bought a six-pack of the Redd’s I felt obligated to drink it. After the second one I had more than a passing notion about giving-up drinking. Getting some real beer into me brought me back to my senses.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

Redd’s is an ale, not a beer. There are no hops in it.

I actually like Redd’s, but that Straw-ber-rita is horrible. I tried it and the Lime-erita a few weeks ago because they were $1 each….big mistake. Both tasted like something I would use to clean my toilet. ICK.

I think got a hangover from reading this thread. Gah.

When I was vegan, I decided to make a bastardized White Russian using vodka, Kahlua, and flavored coffee creamer. While quite tasty on an occasional evening, I do not recommend it on nights where one is determined to drink to excess. Nor do I recommend drinking it when you’re also doing shots of high quality rum when playing poker and drinking champagne. One of the very few times I’ve ever gotten sick when drinking was on that night. Too much sugar!!!!

seriously's avatar

seriously · 95 weeks ago

What’s the weirdest flavored alcohol or other drink have you ever tried?

An ill-advised cocktail a buddy made which he dubbed a “monkey’s ass”. It was equal parts Bailey’s and Yoo Hoo, mixed with the cheapest gin and vodka you could stomach.
It actually tasted better on the way up for some reason.

What drink concoctions were you certain would work, but ultimately failed?

When my brother was into skating he and his buddies would chip in and get a case of Jolt cola and a bottle of Bacardi to mix up “Party fuel”. Despite being basically a rum and coke it tasted nasty as hell. It got you drunk, but it still tasted nasty.

Aetheling's avatar

Aetheling · 95 weeks ago

A bar in York UK where I live used to do something called the HellShot. Whilst not weird per se, it was a one way trip to cirrhosis. 89% Balkan vodka, the sort of stuff that Serbian tank crews clean the main gun barrel with, and a blend of absinthe including an 85% one direct from Prague. The effects of this drink were…awful. I woke up on top of the the city walls at four in the morning with a headache the size of Scotland and an inability to talk, laugh, or even walk properly. It got banned a few years ago, alas.
PowersOfAnOrdinary's avatar

PowersOfAnOrdinary · 95 weeks ago

I made a cocktail out of equal parts pineapple juice, tequila, and beer, with a slice of jalapeno. It has a surprisingly delicious and complex flavor. I, of course, named it the Hate-Filled Pineapple.

1 reply · active 93 weeks ago

I was with you until the beer. I do love the name though.
Hielario's avatar

Hielario · 95 weeks ago

The weirdest flavored acohol?

Some german pear liquor my mom bought once. I tried it once… imagine someone gets one of those enormous pears that are 50 % vater, and then it shoves it brutally into your mouth without asking. That’s how it tastes.

Sandy's avatar

Sandy · 95 weeks ago

Worst drink, bacon vodka. Hands down worst. Wierdest was an co-invention called the flaming gummyworm. A layerd shot of midori, goldschlager, and galliano with a 151 float. Light, toast, blow out and down it. Under no circumstances make it bigger than a shot.
Candace's avatar

Candace · 95 weeks ago

The weirdest flavored alcohol I’ve ever had was a lavender-infused liqueur from Provence. It was very weird, and not in a good way. It eventually got discarded unfinished, because it was basically like drinking perfume. If you’ve ever tasted perfume, either accidentally or on purpose, you know what I mean.
When I was young we had family friend who worked for a marketing company and he’d bring over promotional products his firm was working on sometimes, to get our take on them. One time he brought over Mrs. Fields Brand Chocolate Chip Cookie Soda and apologetically asked us to try it. We cracked open a can and pored it over ice and each had a swallow. Well, it did taste just like a mrs. Fields cookie, but cookies should not be cold, liquid, and fizzy. They got the flavor right, but it was awful in a weird way. They never released it officially. A wise choice.
Nechie's avatar

Nechie · 95 weeks ago

Sapin liqueur made out of young sproutsof firs, it tastes as weird as it sounds.
I love V-8 based Bloody Marys. So much better tasting and better for you than plain old tomato juice based Bloody Marys. I recently found out that it’s actually called an 8 Ball.
H.S.'s avatar

H.S. · 95 weeks ago

Passoã (passion fruit liqueur) and chocolate/mint vodka, 50/50 in a shot. Discovered on a “what strange stuff from the bar can we mix”-night. Surprisingly good, was coined as Dark Passion on the night.
Adam D.'s avatar

Adam D. · 95 weeks ago

My college roommate regularly drank SoCo and Mountain Dew… I wouldn’t know what to call it other than fucking disgusting…

SoDew?

Jason's avatar

Jason · 95 weeks ago

Not to be all whatever about it, but one time I drank Vodka through a Twinkie straw…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vat0fFPXAS4&fe…

1 reply · active 93 weeks ago

This never happened.

The Archivist

The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is the place for where you can buy my books and shirts and plushies and what not. GO AT IT!

Here’s a follow up to THIS COMIC (in case you missed that one). Eli’s movie hoarding is a very real thing. He has hundreds, if not thousands of disc-based entertainment units at his home. Though Eli’s reasoning as displayed in the comic above is my own. I’ve always felt that the phone is going to ring and the president is going to tell me the Earth has 20 minutes left, my family has won passage on the Spark Ark and I am in charge of ensuring the continuity of popular culture with regard to film for the future civilizations that will occupy our generation ship as it searches for a new home among the stars. You know? That common fear that regular people have.

Because of this, I have always tried to own a copy of every movie I consider to be the most important. The Princess Bride, Ghostbusters, Back To The Future, American Psycho, Dances With Wolves, There Will Be Blood, Stand By Me, The Wrath Of Khan… the list goes on. The importance of the film usually determines the format in which I preserve it. The “good” movies get a DVD backup to my home file server. The “better” movies get the DVD backup and a physical DVD copy (meaning I already own it back from when DVD’s were the hot shit) and the “BEST” movies get all of that plus the physical DVD copy has been replaced with a Blu Ray copy (which usually comes with another DVD copy and a useless-DRM’d-expires-after-a-certain-time digital copy). I’m sure it won’t be long before I am rebuying Se7en and Fight Club on Holographic Neural Interface Cubes (HNICs) or Cultured Petri Dish Sentient Spore Colonies (Sony doesn’t allow that one to be abbreviated), but for now I am happy to have The Dark Knight in HD/Surround Sound in a bug out bag ready for the cataclysmic call.

COMMENTERS: Which movies go on your Space Ark list? 

Comments (31)

Kier's avatar

Kier· 102 weeks ago

Time Bandits. It would be on my ark for myriad reasons, but most importantly because I’d probably be the only one to take it on my ark.
bubujin_2's avatar

bubujin_2· 102 weeks ago

The Lord of the Rings trilogy–but the extended version, not the theatrical release version.
Videostoreguy's avatar

Videostoreguy· 102 weeks ago

There are some things that must be edited for the sake of a reborn humanity. Anything with Lindsay Lohan is a good start.
scarlettb's avatar

scarlettb· 102 weeks ago

Loads of Cary Grant/Katherine Hepburn/etc type films. Specifically, Charade, Adam’s Rib, Bringing Up Baby, His Girl Friday.
Greg's avatar

Greg· 102 weeks ago

Ooooh 12 Monkeys. One of these days, when I watch it James is going to not be shot at the airport, stop Dr Peters and live happily ever after in the past with Kathryn. Fingers crossed for next time!
Cherie's avatar

Cherie· 102 weeks ago

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. I will never stop recommending this film.
Jenn Jamison's avatar

Jenn Jamison· 102 weeks ago

For would be Labyrinth, Deep Blue Sea, and The Resident Evil Series. Oh, and we can’t forget Lord Of The Rings Extended Versions.
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Like all the greatest tragedies in history, we must never forget.
Casablanca, Citizen Kane, The Third Man, The Man in the White Suit, The Graduate, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, 2001, High Sierra, Ice Cold in Alex,
Oh and No Limit, not because it’s a great film (it’s not even a great George Formby film) but because it’s set (rather than filmed) in the Isle of Man and is therefore our only hope of filmic immortality.

4 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Tim Harris's avatar

Tim Harris· 102 weeks ago

Weren’t the Thomas the Tank Engine stories set on the Isle of Man? I’m old enough to remember a screen version with Ringo Starr’s voiceover, and I seem to recall it was fairly true to the books.
Adam D.'s avatar

Adam D.· 102 weeks ago

It was the Isle of Sodor, but… nice try 🙂
Tim Harris's avatar

Tim Harris· 102 weeks ago

Yes – that was the hint that it was actually set on the Isle of Man.
w00hoo's avatar

w00hoo· 102 weeks ago

Not ‘TT : Closer to the Edge’ what it actually being filmed there?
The original original trilogy, the one that actually revolutionized filmmaking back when it came out in the 70s and 80s and not any of the things that followed.
Also the entire collection of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, including the fourth season. And Ghostbusters, but not the sequel. Am I watching the things in the archive? Because I need The Hunt for Red October, Get Shorty, and The Fifth Element as well. The archive needs movies that were pretty good but also kinda bad.

Also, is Eli hiring? I work in a lab with tools now, but his lab and tools sound better.

2 replies · active 102 weeks ago

Candace's avatar

Candace· 102 weeks ago

Don’t forget Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Monty Python’s Life of Bryan. I would also add the entirety of Fawlty Towers. Some of those eps were so funny I hurt myself laughing.
What about Monty Python and The Meaning of Life? That has a few messages to pass down to the future, like the meaning of life.
I’m more into TV shows than movies, but …

Bedazzled – the 1967 original with Dudley Moore and Peter Cook, NOT the execrable remake.

Tootsie.

Does the miniseries of Shogun count as a “movie”? I say it does.

TRON and TRON Legacy.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Chicken Run.

Legally Blonde.

Flash Gordon. (Yes, the ’80s version with the Queen soundtrack.)

How to Train Your Dragon.

Running Cool (NOT “Cool Runnings” – very different things.)

Spinal Tap!

They Live.

Time Bandits.

Yellow Submarine.

Little Shop of Horrors (the Frank Oz version).

Hard Target and Brain Donors.
Bryce's avatar

Bryce· 102 weeks ago

Men In Black 1 and 3, Alien, Aliens, Princess Bride, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Last Crusade, Blues Brothers, Blazing Saddles
You need a few “obscurities”…

“The President’s Analyst” contained so much truth, both for its time, the 60s, and for today (the President’s NEED for regular psychotherapy, American spy agencies fighting each other more than fighting enemies, implantable micro-telephones created by an evil Phone Company, and the immortal line “I’ m NOT paranoid, your really ARE all spies!”) plus James Coburn NOT playing a superspy, Godfrey Cambridge, Severn Darden and a very young William “KITT” Daniels

“Silent Running” was the only sci-fi movie that correctly predicted environmental collapse AND had Bruce Dern go bonkers for a good purpose

“Head”, the Monkees and Jack Nicholson do dada. Nuff said.

“Drop Dead Fred” was Rik Mayall’s true tour-de-force and the most accurate depiction of what happens when you grow up but your imaginary friends don’t fade away (don’t ask me how I know – also ‘Foster’s Home’ owes everything to this movie)

“Wagons East” a showcase of cringeworthy stereotypes played for laughs, an even better deconstruction of Westerns than “Blazing Saddles” (IMO) and John Candy’s last movie

animation would be best represented by “The Iron Giant” and the “Wallace & Grommet” move (and maybe “Over the Hedge”, Dreamworks’ highest-grossing release NOT to get several sequels and William Shatner’s greatest performance)

These are the movies I show to any friends who declare themselves bored with current media… and they never talk about it again.

Princess Bride, bitches!

/end thread

pablos's avatar

pablos· 102 weeks ago

Usual Suspects, Saving Private Ryan, Ninja Scroll, Flying High (Airplane to the Seppos out there), LotR Extended versions, The Departed, Nolan’s Batman Trilogy, Toy Story, The Great Escape, 28 Days Later
w00hoo's avatar

w00hoo· 102 weeks ago

Little Miss Sunshine.
Reservoir Dogs.
Restless Natives.
Dogma.
Ronin.

And that will do.

There’s a bit of everything there. Some tight story telling, some fantastic car chases, Scottish scenery with Big Country playing over the top. Real tears (if you can watch the final run of the Clown and the Wolfman through Edinburgh and not cry you are clinically dead). Some blood and some knob jokes. Perfection.

Phenomenon
The first 3 Star Wars films (though none of the prequels)
Every other Star Trek film
Gross Point Blank
The Avengers (though not necessarily the lead-ups)

but most importantly, Idiocracy — It will be vitally important in the post-apocalyptic future that we have a very good example of what NOT to do!

1 · active 101 weeks ago

Beer’s everything to Eli XD

Hmmm… Bill & Ted, the original Star Wars trilogy, Serenity, Batman (both the 60s and Burton’s versions), Spaceballs, Silent Movie, pretty much every other Mel Brooks movie, Star Trek: Of Gods and Men, the Crayon Shin-chan films–subbed only

Chaucer59's avatar

Chaucer59· 99 weeks ago

There Will Be Blood? Really? The milkshake scene wasp pretty good, but I couldn’t stay awake through most of it. I’ll never understand that thing winning awards. The theater audience where I saw it ( the ones who stayed–half of the walked out at the halfway point) actually booed the film and left the theater cursing its director to various levels of hell.

1 · active 97 weeks ago

They were all old-timey oil tycoons, and didn’t approve of the way they were portrayed. It’s just the kind of neighborhood you live in.

Toronto Fan Expo 2012 Fancy Sketches

HijiNKS ENSUE At Dallas Animefest

This weekend I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm. We’ll be in the dealer room, terrified of glomping cat-girls and Sailor Bubbas alike. I’ll have both HE Books, Prints, sketch cards, “Grammar Dalek” Shirts and “The Doctor Is In” shirts.

This was my first Toronto Fan Expo, but my second time in Toronto. Once again, I found the city and it’s comic-loving citizens to be as kind as pleasant as the Canadian Constitution requires them to be under penalty of mild reprimand. I only had one goal for my weekend in Toronto, which was to dine once again at Korean Grill House. This is a restaurant where you are given a table that is on fire, tray after tray of raw meat, some tongs and ZERO instructions, guidance or supervision of any sort. It’s $10 all you can (m)eat, and I’m pretty sure it’s my favorite place in the world. I wondered if I was hyping it up to my friends too much, but after seeing them marvel at the quantity and quality of meats, the looks of childlike wonder at the thought of throwing said meats into a flaming grill that was built into the table, and their amazement as we elected to reward ourselves for consuming our own weights in meat with celebratory milkshakes, I knew that I was significantly UNDERhyping the fantastical nature of this (m)eatery. If you are visiting Toronto, there is a KGH on Bloor and another on Queens. The service is terrible, the staff is incredibly uninterested in bringing you more lukewarm soda, and the bathroom was unusable, so please take all of that into consideration when I STILL DEMAND that it is my favorite place to eat.

I left the con a day early so I could get home in time to accompany my daughter to her first day of kindergarten. Delta lied to me and told me even though my flight from Buffalo to NYC was late I would definitely still make my connection to DFW. I was still on the first plane when my connecting flight home took off. Even if every plane had been on time, the flights were scheduled 27 minutes apart. Given the 15-20 minutes it takes to de-board the first plane, the time it would take to get to the other terminal (which was a “bus ride” away according to my flight attendent) and the time to board the following flight there was essentially no way possible for this connection to be made. Delta sold me an impossible flight, lied to me about my chances of making it home, then when presented with a plane load of passengers that missed their connections the Delta agents elected to offer us NOTHING as compensation. No flights into TX (for me at least), no flights on other airlines that might have gotten us to our destinations, no hotel and no travel vouchers.

The dead-eyed, policy spewing assfaces I spoke to (Shout outs to Kentun and Chris the PO at Delta in LaGuardia!) made it clear that if I had been the only one affected I would have been taken care of, but since their error screwed 10-15 people NO ONE would be given any sort of consideration. “What would you have me do? Give ALL THESE PEOPLE a hotel?” Oh, the people your company lied to, bilked and stranded hundreds if not thousands of miles from home? Yes, I would. That would be doing the right thing. Delta had an opportunity to make me a customer for life that night. Instead they made me miss my little girl’s first day of school, lose hundreds of dollars by skipping a day of the convention for no reason, and through their arrogance and lack of compassion they lost a customer (who spends nearly $5000 a year on air travel) FOREVER.

COMMENTERS: Please feel free to share your stories about Toronto, Fan Expo, Korean BBQ, or air trave nightmares.  

El Trueno Marrón

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE!
The preorder is going on now

There’s more shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT!

I suspect I won’t get around to making an actual comic about The Dark Knight Rises during this storyline, so I feel like I need to direct you to the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group threads on the subject, both spoiler free and SUPER SPOILERY. I have shared SO MANY OPINIONS on that particular bit of cinematic Batmanery and such a STRONG DESIRE to share them.

COMMENTERS: If you have Batman opinions and don’t want to join the Facebook discussion, feel free to post them below. If you are going to post spoilers, please start your comment with !!!SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!

Alternately: Any experience, positive or negative with homebrew, moonshine, or other jars of miscellaneous clear or brown liquids?