The HijiNKS ENSUE Store is the place for where you can buy my books and shirts and plushies and what not. GO AT IT!

Here’s a follow up to THIS COMIC (in case you missed that one). Eli’s movie hoarding is a very real thing. He has hundreds, if not thousands of disc-based entertainment units at his home. Though Eli’s reasoning as displayed in the comic above is my own. I’ve always felt that the phone is going to ring and the president is going to tell me the Earth has 20 minutes left, my family has won passage on the Spark Ark and I am in charge of ensuring the continuity of popular culture with regard to film for the future civilizations that will occupy our generation ship as it searches for a new home among the stars. You know? That common fear that regular people have.

Because of this, I have always tried to own a copy of every movie I consider to be the most important. The Princess Bride, Ghostbusters, Back To The Future, American Psycho, Dances With Wolves, There Will Be Blood, Stand By Me, The Wrath Of Khan… the list goes on. The importance of the film usually determines the format in which I preserve it. The “good” movies get a DVD backup to my home file server. The “better” movies get the DVD backup and a physical DVD copy (meaning I already own it back from when DVD’s were the hot shit) and the “BEST” movies get all of that plus the physical DVD copy has been replaced with a Blu Ray copy (which usually comes with another DVD copy and a useless-DRM’d-expires-after-a-certain-time digital copy). I’m sure it won’t be long before I am rebuying Se7en and Fight Club on Holographic Neural Interface Cubes (HNICs) or Cultured Petri Dish Sentient Spore Colonies (Sony doesn’t allow that one to be abbreviated), but for now I am happy to have The Dark Knight in HD/Surround Sound in a bug out bag ready for the cataclysmic call.

COMMENTERS: Which movies go on your Space Ark list? 

This comic, which begins a new mini story arc, is 100% true (except for all the parts that didn’t happen). I did find the three movies listed in panel 1 in the Walmart bargin bin for less than $8 apiece, and I did feel a pang of bitter sweet irony upon being happy that I was able to acquire three films I consider to be essential classics for 24ish dollars and sad that they were crammed into a sadness tub with Scary Movie 2, Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel and Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer. Oddly enough, most of the non-essential movies in the bargain bathtub were squeakquels… er, sequels. Interesting. Maybe the lesson is to make one impossibly shitty movie, then stop. Just resist the urge to explore the heretofore unknown avenues of shit the first film left open. Hmm, something to think abou… Oh, wait. What’s that, Hollywood? “No,” you say? Just a flat out, “NO?” Oh, and a, “Hey kid why don’tcha go fuck yerself while yer at it?” as well? Fair enough. I appreciate you taking the time to hear me ou… oh, just get right on to fucking myself then? Got it. Can do.

COMMENTERS: What’s your favorite seemingly underrated movie? I’m not saying Stand By Me or Willy Wonka are underrated. I assumed they are perfect rated. But I bet dollars to Death Blossoms that The Last Starfighter doesn’t always get its due.

Apparently my finger is squarely on the twin pulses of the 12th Doctor casting situation, because when I stared into the untempered Vortex and asked myself who the next Doctor should be the very first name that came to mind was the unpronouncable one belonging to Chiwetel Ejiofor (CAUTION: His name is a killing word). So is this how we’re doing things now? I just DECIDE on the ways in which I want the universe to be awesome and the pieces all start to fall into place like so much reverse JENGA? I am 100% OK with this.

I have a store where I sell books and shirts. If you buy that stuff I can pay my mortgage and feed my family like a regular dude with a real job.

It was probably right around the moment someone said, “Hey, maybe not a lanky white dude for The Doctor this time?” that C.E.’s intensely impressive talent, range and ability to say something softly, calmly and so terrifyingly serious that you know he means business and is NOT to be trifled with began to stick in my brain as a potential successor to the Sonic Screwdriver. Imagine the simple, calculated and honest way The Operative from Serenity explained to people how they had failed to meet his expectations and exactly how they were going to die… now apply that same badassery and emotional weight to a “Doctor speech.” That shit is chilling. I want that in the blue box.

How badass would it be if A) he was cast as the Doctor and B) a few years from now they just go ahead and use his actual name as the name of The Doctor? It sounds Gallifreyan enough for me.

•  John Barrowman Joins Others In Not Being Devastated By Matt Smith Leaving Doctor Who
• Neil Gaiman explains why the new Doctor shouldn’t be someone famous
• Wil Wheaton Seems to Know Who the 12th Doctor Will Be

COMMENTERS: Dream-cast The Doctor and his next companion. 

Monday June 3rd was my birthday! I am 32 years old and STILL aging! If you want to say “HAPPY FANCY BIRTHDAY!” might I suggest sharing HE with your friends via your link medium of choice? Might I also point you to my Amazon Wishlist and my donation page? CELEBRATE ME FOREVER!!!

I’m really hoping George R.R. Martin’s A Game Of Thrones inspired coffee table book is just page after glossy page of arterial blood spray.

!!!SPOILERS FOR THE CURRENT SEASON OF GAME OF THRONES IN THE COMMENTS!!!

!!!PLEASE NO SPOILERS FOR THE BOOKS/SHOW BEYOND THE RED WEDDING!!!

COMMENTERS: So how about that Red Wedding? Yeesh.

Today, Monday June 3rd is my birthday! I am 32 years older than some dumb baby that was just born today. SUCK ON THAT, BABY! I can drive and rent a car and get car insurance and… do other stuff that involves cars. If you want to say “HAPPY FANCY BIRTHDAY!” might I suggest sharing HE with your friends via your link medium of choice? Might I also point you to my Amazon Wishlist and my donation page? I might? Well, good then. I just did. CELEBRATE ME FOREVER!!!

Lar made this for my birthday because he loves me… and also he might hate me… and you… and people with eyes.

Yahoo buying Tumblr is like Napster buying Spotify. Or did Napter eventually become Spotify? After the 4th or 5th sell off and rebranding I kind of lost track. I know for a while it was a brand of pocket internet radios and vacuum sealers to keep deli meats and cheeses fresh.

It’s weird to watch a company with no real relevance or identity struggle to recapture some perceived essential usefulness in the mind of the online public that they lost a decade ago. I say it’s weird because any other company that didn’t survive the DotCom bubble and come out with billions would just disappear into total obscurity. Yahoo somehow persists, buying things people like, ruining them then wondering why we move to a different table when they sit next to us at lunch.

COMMENTERS: Are you worried Yahoo is going to ruin Tumblr? Do you care? Haven’t Tumblr users been doing a pretty good job of ruining Tumblr by themselves? Has any site, service or brand you’ve loved gotten better after a buyout?

Go to my store. I promise there is something there you will enjoy owning. In turn, I will enjoy owning your money.

Hey hey! It’s part 2 in my 2 part series of 2 sets of Fancy Sketches from 1 Phoenix Comicon! This set indirectly stars my friend John Scalzi, who is known for his best selling sci-fi novels, his love of churros and his crippling addiction to Coke Zero. I defaced his booth sign along with some other dudes for reasons.

He made this face when he saw it.

COMMENTERS: Your favorite author has just become a giant robot. Who is it, are they good or evil and (regardless) do they fight Godzilla?

My Ewok Stare shirts are only $15 while they last! 

Guys, Phoenix is phucking hot. It’s just a phact. Phoenix is hotter than Texas. Another phact. That ANYWHERE ON EARTH can be hotter than Texas and still sustain life is a testament to the tenacity of the human spirit with regards to defying nature and common sense to colonize a sweltering, lifeless desert. Between the heat and the escalating racism, it’s like Phoenix is trying to bite Texas’s whole style.

The ONLY embellishment in this comic is that Phoenix doesn’t have any birds because they all died. Also, David didn’t quite die. He wanted to, but I wouldn’t allow it. I needed him to help me take our booth apart after the convention.

COMMENTERS: What is the MOST BRUTAL heat you’ve ever been in? For me it was probably in highschool during marching band practice. We’d lose two weeks of summer vacation to prance around on asphalt in 105 degree weather at 98% humidity with zero shade and zero places to sit down that weren’t capable of producing 3rd degree burns. Add to that holding 15 pounds of brass in your hands and forcefully expelling all of your superheated oxygen through a tube, and it makes for a pretty abismal experience.

The Phoenix Phancy Bastards had some excellent sketch requests this year. Here’s part 1 of a 2 part collection of my favorites. Looks like Gallifrey Comicon might not be too far away since we just discovered Gallifrey.

COMMENTERS: Speaking of Gallifrey Comicon, in what fictional geek genre place would you like to see a comic convention held? What are the panels, the events, etc? Who are the speakers?

Phoenix Comicon was a tonnage’o fun as always. David was my travel companion, roommate and life partner (con husband) for a week (also as always). Saturday night we had the very Arrested Development related debate illustrated in the panels above. At least the first two, maybe two and a half panels of it. In the end, we decided that wives were the way to go (plus the hotel Internet was so shitty, I expect it would have been a less than optimal viewing experience… also wives… yes, happy wives). I’ve been home for all of 14 minutes, so I am going to go sit in a familiar chair, in a familiar state that is (at least currently) below 100 degrees outside, eat some familiar leftovers and get my Bluth on.

COMMENTERS: Without getting into spoilers AT ALL, have you watched the new Arrested Development episodes? What are your initial thoughts? I am hearing bad things on twitter, but I am reserving judgement until I’ve seen them for (and blue’d) myself.

PHOENIX COMICON BOOTH LOCATION CHANGE!!!

David and I will be at booth 243, NOT 1749 and NOT by the LEGOs. Come in the main entrance, hang a left and head to the back corner. Here’s a photo of David peeking over a handy map.

COME SEE ME AND DAVID IN PHOENIX THIS WEEKEND, APRIL 23-26! BOOTH 1749 way in the back by the LEGOs! BOOTH 243! More details HERE. 

Welcome to the wonderful future we live in. A time where nerds get mad when maybe not a white guy plays a super hero in a movie. I don’t I can’t…

Michael B. Jordan on the Possibility of a Black Human Torch: “It’s 2013″

COMMENTERS: Who was your favorite super hero to ever be portrayed against their established type (different race, different gender, etc) in film or on TV? I’m sure Sam Jackson as Nick Fury is near the top of everyone’s list.